Match of the Millennium

Description: Naerose visits Walter's confessional. Things get strange. No one was eaten during this scene.

[WALTER]
It's late on a Sunday, long after evening sermons in a small Church in Southtown. After the frightening time with a certain hat-wearing red-clad woman and the obvioiusly insane Jezebel, Father Walter has taken to giving confessions to latecomers.

It's mostly been druggies, repentent gangsters, and various shades of street walkers at this time of night. All the better to help people, and hide his features, this kind of work. The confessional opens, disgorging a crying woman who clops away on ridiculous heels. Father Walter pokes his head out, waving with a smile.

He's starting to feel a little better.

[NAEROSE]
Next in line and don't ask us why, a woman whom clearly was a worker at some sort of theme restaurant or something, or maybe she's homeless and the only outfit she has is well a red dress with a matching witches hat. . . Yes she's clearly insane or a druggy, but for once she's actually pretty clean, so no more The Dust Witch and back to the Red Witch. Naerose Delphine, for no apparent reason, finds herself in this church place with church digs. The mystery of why and how is never solved and fans can fight endlessly on reddit or 5/12 chan to try to suss out the details.

After the previous confessee departs, Naerose slides right in like she belongs. - er no, not really, she insists and I mean insists on bringing her broom in and her hat and really this makes her possibly wrong sized for the whole ordeal which probably wasn't designed for witches or janitor witches and she bumps it a bunch of times trying to get the thing inside with her and the hat from falling off her head and then she can't see a think and bumps around a bit more (because she still has black circle shades on even though it's dark in there).

After a moment, probably a fairly uncomfortable moment, the witch reaches into her hat, pulls out a print out and reads it for a moment, unfortunately, outloud. "Now protestants have seen it in movies, sit in a wooden box, okay check, screen.. lets see, check and the catholic says.. I'm a witch, but I'm sure that probably counts, forgive me father for I have sinned. . ect" She actually says Ect and then stops. A long moment passes where you could almost feel a cold wind blow, probably an omen of things to come, or maybe it was all in the imagination, hers? Yours? It's anyones guess. Why is she even here anyway.

"Hang on," The witch continues, "You're my father? Woah, this is really cool, so this is where you are. I never knew I even had a father I mean I always assumed I did, like a mother and father or something cause like I'm told everyone has them right? But I never got to meet them. So um, do we get to play catch after this? I've always wanted to play catch, ever since I said I wanted to play catch. Like a moment ago. Heh, I feel like we have so many memories, remember the time I told you I always wanted to play catch?"

The anticipation of the answer is impossible to miss as the red clad janitor witch is practically chomping at the screen like an oversized puppy. Maybe she's drunk, but by now her breath is apparent and in fact she has not been drinking. Maybe she is high. . well ahh, we can't rule that out I guess. The most likely answer though is she's just Naerose, a word that should mean failure, crazy and chaotic all mixed together.

[WALTER]
Without the covering of dust or the layer of encrusted chi-fused food, the good Father doesn't immediately recognize Naerose when she enters. Even the hat isn't enough just yet as he slips into the Confessional. Indeed, though, after much bumping there's that overwhelming silence, and a sound of...a hat disgorging a script!?

Somewhere in between Naerose talking about catch and chewing on the screen, there's a light 'thud' as Walter's head smacks the wood of the box. Inwardly, he already regrets this.

"What troubles you, my Child?" Offers Walter professionally, before he finally just lets out a deep sigh.

"Erm...not quite your Father in /that/ sense. Maybe tomorrow however, my dear. You are here to confess your sins, are you not? I will listen. Do you long for your missing Father?" He offers just to try to get this whole thing on track. In the back of his mind, the voice gnaws on him. Where /has/ he heard that voice before?

[NAEROSE]
This was going well so far, Naerose is happy. She is smiling, her words are conversational and full of the smile that is on her face and probably the polar opposite of the expression in the other side of the confessional. She responds, "Long for my missing father? Am I missing a father?" She considers this a moment and then says, "I don't think I've lost a father." This train of thought, like many before it, find that the tracks of thought in Naerose' mind actually all lead to the abyss where memories are erased and islands of personality fall, the pit where Bing Bong vanishes. . Yes all train of thoughts derail into nothingness eventually.

Meanwhile the witch skims ahead and explains, "Oh snap, I didn't do a lot of the steps, I was supposed to do something with some fella called the Holy Spirit, Pay? Pay to the holy spirit, I didn't know this was going to cost money, I totally didn't bring any, also where is this Holy spirit fella? I didn't see a sign or anything." She seems to be reading more of the print out now, but incoherently, the words do not make sense or she's whispering them to herself. "Okay maybe we should skip to the part where I start listing stuff in numbered order." She pulls out another piece of paper. . .

"Eggs,"

"Milk,"

"Flour. . "

"Candles.."

"Red Hot Squirters."

A moment passes as she shuffles her papers and comes up with another, this time she recites what is on it in a more melodic voice like she's trying to sing a song, but is actually a terrible singer who should never try to sing a song, "I see a cold wind blowing through, I see days neither fun nor free, I see a future caused by you, rather me, I see a path not meant to be.." She shuffles papers again, "The future should be filled with magic, dreams and wishes come to life, but the days are dark and tragic, umm no hope when all is strife." She shuffles papers around and finishes, "Whatever might have been, all the dreams that ponies shared, because of you Naerose Delphine, now the future is a cold nightmare."

A moment of silence then as the witch lets the weight of her words. "Right so umm," She begins nervously," You can totally see why I'm here, I need to prevent the dark and cold future that I apparently wrought when I..." More paper shuffling, "I didn't believe in hearts warming eve and I made my assistant Snow Dash work and...I woah, I cast a spell to erase all holidays which ... brought the windegos back and they turned the land into eternal winter!"

[WALTER]
Walter's face is a mix of concern, annoyance, and indignation. Part of him is /sure/ he's being mocked. Another part of him can't help but assume this girl is high on some very powerful drugs. Or maybe even both.

"Ahem! Moving along...just, just forget the formalities, the Lord knows that you are...respectful. Pray. /Pray/ to the holy spirit, my dear. He is all around you, and no, He doesn't charge money or a subscription fee. The Lord's love is free."

She's listing off her bloody shopping list. Suddenly, wings go thud, and there's the low dragon-ish growl. His tail sways. Thud thud. Thud thud.

But then the priest pauses as she reads out that long prophecy. The name finally earns recognition. There's a slow, slow sigh as Walter finally speaks again. "I have no idea what you mean about ponies, but dark futures and strife are something I know well about. Do you...truly need help? And not just putting on some sort of play?" Yes, that's right, Walter's actually taking her words seriously. Truly, they're doomed.

"And do you promise to not eat me?"

[NAEROSE]
"Eat.. You?" perplexed the witch ventures on, "I'm pretty sure eating people is bad, m-kay? You umm you shouldn't eat people mkay." She pauses a little longer before turning to chiding the poor mistreated Walter," You see, ahh, eating people is mean because it probably hurts, I mean the biting part, teeth are bad, on people, I mean. You'd have to like swallow them whole in order to make it not painful which, " She pauses for a long moment, "No that'd never work, it's a bad idea, you can choke on stuff too large, like this one time I was eating apples and I thought, I bet I could fit an entire apple in my mouth and so I tried and I couldn't, I really really couldn't. Bad idea."

Naerose takes a breath, "So listen, I dunno why you are on this eating people thing, but you should really stop, cause if you don't you might make someone sad."

Remarkably the train that had been derailed before (not the one about paying the holy spirit fella, whomever he is seems like a nice guy) gets back on track.

"Well so okay, I was gathering the ingredients for the spell to end all holidays when I was visited by the Apple Jack of the past, the Pinkie Pie of the present and the Luna of the future, it was then during the Luna of the future that I was informed that I was going to blanket the whole world in snow and that it would be eternal winter forever." That last part Forever is spoken with the sort of low hiss voice you might use if you were cursing someone. "So obviously I was really worried."

A long pause, then skeptically the witch asks, "Hey umm this isn't like a joke is it? I heard some sounds over there, like is there a bunch of you listening to me giggling and stuff or I dunno, is this a game to you? Cause I think this is all very serious, I mean, if it were cold all the time then we might not get to celebrate Halloween which is a really fun holiday." As she is apparently already dressed for it, " And then we would probably skip all the winter holidays because it would be winter all year-" Pause.

"Hey do you think if I blanketed the world in snow that then everyday would be a holiday? You know the one with a tree that is on fire with eight candles and quanza?"

[WALTER]
Smile. Even though she can't see it, Walter smiles. "G...good to hear! Yes! Eating people is gluttony you know, and that is a horrible thing! Everything must be done in moderation! The Lord smiles on those with self control!"

Moving on! "Trust me, there is only one of me in here, and this is no joke! ...This is a tiny confessional and I'm large for a priest, alright? Back to business! First of all...have you considered that perhaps this spell you are casting is, first of all, evil? And second, that maybe this spell that ends all holidays works because it causes frost and cold to cover the world?"

As much as he hates the talk of spells and candles and fire, he keeps going. "That...that is another holiday, a Jewish one. No! No blanketing the world in snow! Crops would die, people would starve, you would be killing /MILLIONS/! You're right to be worried!" Walter sounds more than a little worried himself at this point.

[NAEROSE]
"Crops would die? That's the stuff food is made from right? Yeah, okay right, so that is definitely bad, okay this is good, don't make umm all holidays go away by reviving the windigos and blanketing the world in snow." A deep breath can be heard from the crazy woman's side and she seems to be more calm and relaxed, "Wow I feel better already this place really is good at making people feel better about stuff, so umm." She takes a moment in thought and then falls completely silent.

There is, perhaps the doom you experience when you're watching relatively small children and they are in the other room which is perfectly safe and making lots of noise, giggling, stomping, banging stuff around when you realize you don't have a headache because they have gone -silent- and your mind races of all the possibilities of what they could have possibly done to go completely silent, but no matter what horrors you imagine the truth is always worse.

"You said everything in moderation? Are you suggesting that eating people in moderation is okay?" She sounds incredulous, "Listen, fella, I'm telling you eating people is not okay, even in moderation, it just isn't nice. I mean you don't go around and bite people just a little and tell them it's okay cause it is in moderation, right right? Umm lemme guess you do don't you." She sighs and then takes on a more parental sounding role, "Listen, eating people is bad, m'kay, it isn't nice and it probably hurts, I mean the biting part probably hurts and I dunno about the rest, but you shouldn't do it."

Then the train mercifully derails, re-rails and comes out on another side, "So umm, now that I confessed, how do I , I mean what do I do now? I felt good for a moment but I admit now I feel like I'm kind of lost and confused, I can't see anything and I have no idea how I'll find my way out of this box."

[WALTER]
Clap clap clap! "Exactly! You can revive the Wendigos all you wish, but not covering the world in snow! Oh, and while you're at it, why not spell-up some world peace?" Yes, now he /is/ teasing just a little. Walter takes a sigh.

"That is part of the point of this. I am glad. Lord bless you!" Smile!

Silence. Oh god. Is she about to take up that hat and eat him now? Is he about to get a broom through the divider?

"E...erm I didn't mean it that way! No, no, eating anyone is bad in moderation, and bad at all! Cannibalism is evil! Evil I tell you, and no doubt a fine, upstanding woman such as yourself would never do so! See? Perfect. Y...you're right. I mostly eat fish, chips, and those delicious ramen bowls they sell on that street corner."

"Well, if you have no more to confess, then I will bless you, and you may open the door to your left. If you have more to confess, I will listen." Comes Walter, even as he tries to not break down crying. What is /with/ this woman!?

[NAEROSE]
"Right, you don't eat people, that's good, umm there should be an AA for you, you know not eating people. But umm, that's a good first step you just eat .. fish. " Naerose pauses and then thinks for a long time, where has she heard someone referred to as Fish. Then she remembers and. . slowly tries to get out of the wooden box.

"So I should be going," Naerose says all sorts of nervous but then, well she can't see in the dark with her shades on and rather than taking them off she just sort of bangs around trying to find the exit. Yeah remember her broom? That's the problem. Getting it through a door is easy enough in a right sized space (for a broom) and when you can see, but the janitor witch cannot see and the space is not the right size. Walter, captive audience he is, who might be having his worst night yet (which is maybe only slightly worse than the time Naerose tried to eat him) will be treated to the sounds of a broom possibly really roughing up the confessional, but it can't be that much worse than a druggie.

Finally the janitor witch frees herself and looks around. She's free. "So umm, thanks and please don't eat me." She starts to edge away and then darts off, but one can almost vaguely hear her saying, "What is a spell anyway."

Log created on 13:16:19 10/31/2016 by Walter, and last modified on 17:19:38 10/31/2016.