Description: If only because Easter has successfully filed a restraining order against him. Grumpy over Western imperialism creeping its way across all corners of the globe, Ryuhaku Todoh goes to Great Britain to attempt to replace the offending holiday with the Emperor's Birthday... and also insult the Queen, because why not? Here's why not: Lita Luwanda. Can Ryuhaku Todoh claim himself a seat among other holiday-menacing meanies celebrated throughout fiction?!
December, December, December, all the holidays in December. It's been this way as long as anyone could remember!
The bastion of end-of-year Western capitalism everywhere! What does Ryuhaku Todoh think of this? Ask him, over there!
With the angriest of sneers at his dojo, he paces to and fro. Those students there stand in fear, with all the hot air he blows.
"So what if the things you wrap around trees are pretty!" Todoh exclaimed, in one of his many descriptors of irritations petty.
His complaining could be heard up, down, left, right, here, and there! "What I don't care for is the fact that it's absolutely EVERYWHERE!"
"Um, is there really a problem... sensei?" Asks a nervous, foolish, white belt. "THERE IS A PROBLEM!" Old man Todoh screamed, as though a grievous blow were dealt!
"Western imperialism! The marketing! Colonel Sanders' leer! The turkeys!" He continued, not letting the others get a word in! "The youngsters' pleas!"
"Isn't it harmless? Over here, it's just a romantic day for the kids." An older student in his late 20s carefully spoke his words, he did.
"What of the turkeys? And Presidents, with their deceptive mattress sales!" Todoh continued to rant! "The United States invades our culture without fail!"
None had the courage to get another word in on their aging master. They could all sense the latest of his irrational rages, an impending disaster!
"I know what you're thinking!" Ryuhaku Todoh accused each and every student. "You think I'm going to steal Christmas?! Ha! You know that I can't!"
This strange, unforeseen bit of wisdom took the whole class by surprise! "Well, what do you intend to do about it, Sensei? I can't even surmise--"
"I can't take it! If I kept it I'd have Christmas!" Ryuhaku Todoh reasoned. "If I put it away somewhere else, Christmas would still happen in some season!"
"You can't kill it! They've tried!" Ryuhaku frustratedly exclaimed! "You can't steal it! You can't stop it! Every try goes up in flames!"
"Don't forget, sensei, we haven't forgotten the Emperor's Birthday at all!" Said a bright-eyed yellow belt. "It's two days before Christmas, I recall."
Ryuhaku Todoh fell silent. The students looked to one another in complete shock. Could they have tamed his anger and rage? If so, this feat was worthy of a gawk!
Inside his head, Ryuhaku Todoh hatched himself a new alternative plan. Through this new idea, he spread a smile far wider than any normal man can.
Facial muscles screamed in silent pain to the latest in a lineage of dumb schemes, as a formerly held belief about holidays was about to be pulled apart at the seams!
"I cannot kill, steal, or stop that blasted Christmas," accepting this as fact. "But I, Ryuhaku Todoh, have found a new angle in which it can be attacked!"
"Its days will be through, of this I will promise," his students he faced. "This year, I will instead do what was unthinkable! Christmas... shall be replaced!"
SOME TIME A LITTLE BIT LATER, WHERE BRITISH SHOPPERS LOITER....
Over in Great Britain, it is pandemonium in the holiday rush as he got to work! Greetings card replaced, decorations removed, crackers replaced with flags by that jerk!
They thought it was a joke by some chavs, some young miscreants having some fun. Then every religious icon - and Colonel Sanders - was replaced, one by one!
Holiday tidings disappeared, in its place icons of Japan and Emperor Akihito! All this so fast and so quick, the prepetrator had barely worked incognito!
He cackled as he took center stage at a great big Christmas tree, his words amplified by a microphone full of petty malice and maniacal glee!
"YOUR CHRISTMAS IS BEING REPLACED BY SOMETHING EVEN BETTER!" Todoh had informed. "TO A DAY WORTH CELEBRATING, FOR CHRISTMAS IS JUST UGLY AND MALFORMED!"
"EMPEROR AKIHITO'S BIRTHDAY IS ON THE TWENTY-THIRD OF THIS MONTH, SO YOU KNOW!" How many among the crowd cared? "IT IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS, 'CAUSE I SAY SO!"
"EVERYONE SHOULD GIVE HIM BIRTHDAY WISHES," Ryuhaku Todoh's yelling persisted, "IN FACT, YOU SHOULD ALSO FORGET ABOUT YOUR STUPID QUEEN," he then insisted.
Threats were made and intents of violence were displayed, but Todoh did not heed it! "WITH HIS BIRTHDAY SO CLOSE BY, WHEN IT COMES TO CHRISTMAS YOU NO LONGER NEED IT!"
The words he hurled never swayed from the range of insults nor nonsense! These words begged for a fight, but who could stop a man just so dense...?
As for the heroine of this story, she finds herself shopping for some of the officers of Delta Red. Thankfully her knowledge makes things easy for her. A coat for Colonel Wolfman, custom suit for the giant McCoy, And some hair products for George Ginzu and his perpetual bed head. She makes her purchases then quickly leaves the store. When she comes out she sees the work of Todoh the bore.
With all the trees, all the lights, decorations defaced. And all this talk about how the queen should be replaced? Lita's face suddenly changed as did her disposition. Ryuhaku Todoh went quickly from vandalism to a crime of sedition... Wait. That wasn't quite it. He would need to be a citizen to go down for that *censored because it's the holidays*
Nevertheless, Todoh must be stopped but to do that she must go to her car. As far as she was concerned that nutcase had gone way too far. She popped the trunk and out came her sheathed blade. She strapped it on her back, took her stance and then said, "You have no idea what a big mistake you've made."
As for the antagonist of this story, Ryuhaku Todoh. He had so much more mischief to make, much more trouble to go! With his patriotic cheer and fervent zeal, such misguided and selfish action may well void his appeal!
"Yeh hah hah!" He laughed free of the megaphone, in the face of those who would break his every bone. Hands on hips hips, laughter quite loud, it boomed far louder than the very crowd.
Many would complain of his action, though he viewed such threat as small fractions! The special agent, who would defend the queen's honor with sword, made it clear to all that this ne'er-do-well would stand to be gored.
"Your silly holiday offends me," Todoh had a grumble, "and my proposal is modest, grounded, and quite humble!"
Smug in his success and trouble, his ego swelled as a big bubble! Hands raised above his hands in a clap, he lowered to a stance with the following snap...
"The Emperor's birthday is a worthier holiday without question! The queen's lips can find themselves an unpleasant destination!"
The crowds cleared, an impromptu arena of cobblestone. The two were silently promised a fight alone. Old man Todoh, infamous and strange, stepped closer and closer to Lita's swinging range.
"Christmas has had its fun! But now, I, Ryuhaku Todoh, declare it done!"
He pointed a finger most irate, tempting a most painful fate.
COMBATSYS: Todoh has started a fight here.
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Todoh 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Lita has joined the fight here.
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Todoh 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Lita
Lita's lips curled downward at the confidence he exuded. There was no other way this could end. Blood and possibly tears would be shed when their business was concluded. She took a deep breath and waited for him to come near. Her eyes remained focused, not a single sign of fear. Her muscles tensed, her teeth gritted, and tension filled the air and all of this was because of the deeds of the misguided fool there.
With the crowd surrounding them, the seconds, it seemed like an hour long wait. The crowd began to roar and jeer filled with hate. While she still wears her big freakin' sword it oddly stays sheathed. And if Todoh's not careful, he'll find his neck wreathed. She swings the decoration and slams it right down, in the hopes of wrestling Ryuhaku down to the ground.
COMBATSYS: Lita successfully hits Todoh with Medium Throw.
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Todoh 0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0 Lita
Before everyone here was a man of arrogance and hubris! In the posturing and gloating, he felt she couldn't stop this! As they say, as heard by all, that pride goeth before a fall. Struggle as he may and flail as he is able, this simple takedown seems to all involved that this foe she did disable!
"Unhand me! My holiday message is true!" Said Ryuhaku, oddly composed. "I rather dislike this violence you've imposed!"
These could be the words of a man of character or a person of tact, but old Ryuhaku Todoh is neither of these which is a fact! Struggle and bungle and thrash as he fights out of her hold, his desire renewed to once and for all break the holiday mold!
With one hand free he searches deep from a place unseen, a tiny white flag with a large red dot in the middle for a purpose truly mean! With a nasty smile did he dare point the tip of the flag to her eye, a dirty and mean trick with the call of "Tenno heika, Banzai!!"
COMBATSYS: Lita blocks Todoh's Small Random Weapon.
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Todoh 0/-------/------=|=------\-------\0 Lita
Though Todoh fights dirty, the soldier keeps her head. "Sorry, love. I don't think you grasped the gravity of what you just said." Her hand reaches up and the flag pokes her hand. There's no way she's letting insult to Queen and country stand. With an incredulous tone she says, "You've said give the Emperor the throne and throw the Queen out? With these words of war you expect not to be thrown about? It's clear you should be covered in feathers and tar. You maybe a one man invasion force and in the words of Bugs Bunny, 'This means war.'
The Delta Red soldier doesn't give him time to rise to his feet as she makes an attempt to tackle him and then pummel him until he's as red as a beet.
COMBATSYS: Todoh endures Lita's Savage Combo.
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Todoh 0/-------/---====|==-----\-------\0 Lita
The gauntlet is thrown, lines are drawn! The battle rages as Lita overpowers the old man with her brawn! A thick cloud of dust rises from the pumm'ling, and the crowd cheers on their countrywoman for this humbling. None shared any sympathy for the pain suffered in response to his crimes, although some did cringe at the very clumsiness of one of the recent rhymes.
Yet through every punch and kick, injury and hit, Ryuhaku Todoh stuck to his wellspring of grit!
"Try as I might I can't steal your Christmas, the plans of others in this regard's always hit or miss!"
Staying on his feet as he is struck in his face, there are many areas where her blows find their place. Throwing his hands up into the cold and crisp air, lights of orange and yellow appear where they previously weren't there!
"The Emperor's birthday will instead take Christmas' stead! I'm not mad, on the contrary I'm one step ahead!" How he spoke so clearly above such injury is a mystery, but perhaps it could simply be answered as a thirst for victory.
Throwing his arms down with incredible celerity, the waves of color come crashing down in solidarity. Though Lita's muscle and might may be more than a match, perhaps this will leave a gash that will require a cotton patch.
COMBATSYS: Lita endures Todoh's Fierce Kasane Ate.
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Todoh 0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\0 Lita
And thusly, Lita's bodily removed, by waves of energy and light. She refuses to give up or give in. And she refuses to go down. At least not without a fight. She flies into a tree and it looks like it hurt(it did... a lot). But she takes full advantage of her location to grab a fist full of dirt.
She slowly rises to stand at her full height and then she closes her fist tight. She then moves a little bit closer but there's a bit of a stumble. Her body aches and it causes her to grumble. Todoh had fought dirty and she'll do the same. He went for her eyes and two can play this game.
With a sweep of her arm she let
And thusly, Lita's bodily removed, by waves of energy and light. She refuses to give up or give in. And she refuses to go down. At least not without a fight. She flies into a tree and it looks like it hurt(it did... a lot). But she takes full advantage of her location to grab a fist full of dirt.
She slowly rises to stand at her full height and then she closes her fist tight. She then moves a little bit closer but there's a bit of a stumble. Her body aches and it causes her to grumble. Todoh had fought dirty and she'll do the same. He went for her eyes and two can play this game.
With a sweep of her arm she let's the dirt fly. With the expressed desire for it to get in his eye.
COMBATSYS: Lita successfully hits Todoh with Fighting Dirty.
# Disabling hit! #
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Todoh 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\1 Lita
The tree rattles and rumbles at Lita's slamming, the sight of wobbling baubles to earn from a worried crowd their humming. The smiling face of Emperor Akihito was unmoving, even as the forces of physics saw to some pieces of the tree removing.
"I'll accept your surrender directly!" So laughs Todoh. "The Emperor's Birthday will overtake Christmas because I said so!!"
The granular, finely dusted dirt flew free from Lita's hand, and boy did it shut some of that gloating up, his declaration canned! Grousing and complaining as the dirt strikes him blind, the scene full of swearing and shouting the onlookers didn't mind!
"Curses! You simpleton of a brutish tart!" Todoh shouted as he tripped about. "You westerners and your stupid customs that you infect us with and flout!"
His hand found purchase on a long piece of garland, his foot on a loose and sturdy colorful ball. Both events would come to pass in a way no doubt inconvenient for all!
With an accidental tug with an unforeseen trip, the great length of shining decoration made a great slip! Decorum and objects alike rattled as they were freed, and with a sizable pile of falling detritus quick thinking was a need.
For both Ryuhaku Todoh and Lita Luwanda this next event could prove trouble, through the danger of an increasing number of holiday rubble.
COMBATSYS: Todoh successfully hits Lita with Large Thrown Object.
? Strange Hit! ?
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Todoh 0/-------/=======|=======\==-----\1 Lita
The western swordswoman finally draws her blade. And now the bystanders are regretting they stayed. Ornaments and displays and toys come down from up high. It's a general consensus that a headache is nigh. Her thinking is quick and so is her sword knocking aside objects like it's a big cricket bat. Like that train set, gold stars, and a rubber toy rat.
She deflect more objects upward which in turn causes more to tumble. She realizes her mistake when she hears a low rumble. It hit a small statue that dropped onto her head. She stumbled around woozily and then fell into a sled. She regained her composure and then hoped to shoulder charge him before he could defend and went into a spin before slamming him with the flat of the blade. Not the pointy end.
COMBATSYS: Todoh successfully hits himself with Large Thrown Object.
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Todoh 1/------=/=======|=======\=------\1 Lita
COMBATSYS: Todoh endures Lita's That's Not Cricket.
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Todoh 1/--=====/=======|=======\===----\1 Lita
Pow! Whap! Shatter! Crash! The sound effects massed in number as each had a bash! Ryuhaku Todoh felt the sting of gravity's forceful jeer. With toys and decorations collapsing upon him, he wanted to be anywhere else but here!
Battered, bloodied, and bruised, his fatigue was no ruse.
His fury at the latest instance of a failed ill-thought scheme made him angry, made him mean, made him steam!
Spitting out bits of glass, plastic, and popcorn, he was not ready to give up, he would not mourn!
"You, come here right now," he rubbed his face, "and at my feet you will bow--"
He could not complete his taunt, his insult, or his slander! For Lita came running, and behind shoulder and flat was her candour!
Slammed up against a display he lovingly and cruelly remade, his breath escaped him but his time he bade. Unwilling to let her catch her bearing, he moved swiftly of which his clenched teeth were baring!
"Enough of this!" Todoh spat, his fist raised. "I'll choke the Queen outta you until all that's left is Emperor praise!"
He moved to bring his hand to her neck, a loud shouting and wriggling before he went for the deck!
COMBATSYS: Lita dodges Todoh's Strangling FACEPUNCH.
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Todoh 1/---====/=======|=======\===----\1 Lita
Todoh was as mean and cantankerous as was his rep. Lita didn't want to know what would happen if she did not back step. The British Swordswoman slid backwards just out of reach. School's now in session and Miss Luwanda has a lesson to teach. She draws her blade back sized at extra large. She then kicked up more dust before making another charge. She rammed into the Japanese lunatic shoulder first, as she was caught up in the throes of patriotic bloodthirst.
After the charge she goes into a spin, slashing his body again, and again. She lowers her sword as she softly sings, "Rule Britannia. Britannia Rule the waves. Britons never, never, never shall be slaves."
COMBATSYS: Lita dazes Todoh with Bum's Rush!
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Todoh 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=------\-------\0 Lita
It is in this timely charge does Lita have Todoh pinned, to void him of composure, advantage, and wind!
With the blade drawn next, it is almost too nasty to commit to text!
The crowd, once bemused, confused, and irritated, found within Lita Luwanda's charge their patriotic fervor initiated!
"Rule Britannia. Britannia rule the waves!" Sang one little girl.
"Britons never, never, never shall be slaves," sang a far older gent who gave it a whirl.
To this very song did every blow strike, injury and insult that Todoh would rather not like!
The streets would be spilled festively in blood, his offensive against Western imperialism a dud!
As one final slash sent him through the air, all began singing without a care!
With hands between all bystanders put together, Ryuhaku Todoh's good cheer hung by a frayed tether.
Dizzy and disoriented and confused and dazed, as the scene swirled around him he struggled as he gazed.
Even with all his tries, no matter how, to this new holiday these people would simply not bow!
In its own way, the scene left its mark. The shining of lights and song, all this on a lark!
Todoh held his head as he staggered, all beaten, defeated, and haggard.
And what happened, then? Well, in England, at that hour... Ryuhaku Todoh's mood grew three times more sour.
And then, contrary to the spirit of Christmas that came through, Todoh found the meaness of *ten* Todohs, plus two!
"I've had enough of this, you've ruined this birthday I fear!" His head unfocused, he collapsed through displays and bins, drawing laughter from all those near.
"But I won't let you get away with this crime!" He shouted at a telephone pole, thinking it was her. "I'll do this every year, until the very end of time!" So he promised, but his words were so unclear to be a slur.
Though there were many in this very populated crowd, old man Todoh had himself a talent unparalleled to shroud.
Like a shadow or a memory, he staggered and limped out of sight. There was no questioning the victor in the present contest of might.
The damage was never truly done! So long as Christmas continued, so did the fun.
The Emperor's Birthday was not theirs to attribute, not when there was so much Christmas to distribute!
COMBATSYS: Todoh takes no action.
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Lita 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Todoh can no longer fight.
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Lita 0/-------/------=|
Log created on 11:42:41 12/13/2013 by Todoh, and last modified on 20:31:37 01/11/2014.