Description: Regardless of what successful Todoh-Ryu Kobojutsu student Daniel Jack or his master Ryuhaku says, we can agree that this conversation involves crab grass. Everything else remains up to interpretation.
Todoh-Ryuu Dojo. 6 PM.
Success for the Todoh-Ryuu Dojo has always been in a lower volume, compared to other schools. But these days, their threshold for success was at least comparable to its rivals. Where there was once a weed-ridden lawn, there was now a proper, well-cared for garden. Where crab grass once choked, was now flowers. Where rotted, mildewy wood paneling was, there was now the finest in pagoda design. Where there were empty training grounds, a round of kiai shouts invite the presence of a healthy, growing dojo.
And watching over the students, is the one and only Daniel Jack.
The detective had a long, rich history with the dojo, once merely a student that had fallen in the school by chance. But now a days? He had a global presence, as well as a local reputation. His skills as a detective was almost a formality, his skills as a martial artist was becoming more respected. With a wealth of savings from his NDP winnings, he was living the high life, or at least comfortably. He was no longer required to take pictures of naked working men with their mistresses. But what was he doing now, with his free time?
Now he was slamming a student on his back.
Within the wooden interior of the dojo, a student is hurled upon the matted ground of the idol of traditional japanese interior design. As the most senior of the Todoh-Ryuu students, Daniel's talents in Todoh-Ryuu Kobojutsu are second only to the Todoh family itself. Of course, such talents aren't to be squandered in the public fighting circuit, but should be used as they are now, training others in the traditional Japanese arts. The spirited detective is instructing a healthy core of students, a good dozen, in one of the night classes of the Dojo. Standing over his poor victim, the detective crosses his arms as he stands over the poor young man. "Very good, kohai! But you need to watch those throws! Proper Todoh-Ryuu Kobojutsu must be able to blend strikes with your grapples, you must be able to flow between the two techniques flawlessly!" As the rest of the class rubs away their fresh bruises, Daniel shakes his head as he unfolds his arms. "Everyone may take a break to recover, and then, a drill of one hundred Kasane At-"
"Senpai, take a look at this!"
The interruption comes from outside, as one of the more senior students emerges, dressed in street clothes. Daniel Jack takes a glimpse, face stern at the interruption. "What is it?" The detective responds, as the kohai approaches with a newspaper. "Senpai! It's the Kyokugen Dojo! My mother was looking at the lifestyle section, for gardening tips, and... and I saw this!" The student holds out the newspaper, and grim faced, he snatches the paper. Reading the article, his eyes casts along the words... and slowly grow wide. Focusing on the picture briefly, he finally announces the headline of the article.
"Kyokugen Dojo Overrun By Strange Crab Grass?!"
A murmur comes over the students, as Daniel Jack shakes his head. "Those poor fools at Kyokugen! They seem to have been struck by an infestation of crab grass! It seems that they earned a place in the lower-left corner of the front page of the lifestyles. It seems that it is considered an 'embarrassment' for the neighborhood, and Takuma himself was unable to be reached for comment." But there was something else troubling the detective. In a small, side picture, he can see the crab grass on the lawn, amongst some ornamental bushes. Daniel narrows his ever observant eyes, taking in the blurry photograph. His mind sifts through his memories, as his intuition mutters to him.
That crab grass looked familiar.
"YEH HAH HAH HAAAAH!!" That laugh.
That laugh.
This laugh probably warrants one more linebreak, so let's do that.
That laugh.
Okay, moving on.
It's not entirely clear where it's coming from. The various gathered students - depending on their familiarity with a certain figure who is best not named (...yet) - may exchange equal glances of confusion, terror, or elation. Probably some mixture of all three, depending on individual loyalties to the traditions and virtues upheld in the Way of Todoh.
The laughter continues. There's the crackling of newspaper just outside, the growing shadow of an individual who is also seemingly cloaked in shadow despite standing in front of the encroaching evening glow, bending over and slapping a knee several times.
It's fantastically rude!
"Oh! Oh. Ohhh. Hah! That heavy guy with the sideburns was right," a familiar tabi sock steps into view through the open front door, coming before the views of a highly familiar hakama hue. and...
"Marmaduke is hilarious!" The widening grin barely contains the wheezing of an old moustached man who can barely catch his breath as he lays one hand against the side of the door, wiping a tear from his face before breaking out into hugely disruptive laughter for several more moments.
Then, the moment everyone was probably waiting fo-- no, a little more laughter and knee slapping as he walked further inward, coming to a stop near Daniel if only so he can see the paper.
"Wait." Speaks Ryuhaku Todoh, 'Master' of the Todoh Way, eyes squinting to narrow, discerning slits as he threatens to lean in close without any respect for personal space (...well, less so than usual). "You aren't reading the funny papers."
That laugh.
There was no doubt.
That laugh deserved a number of line breaks.
The students of the dojo look around, all looking frigthened. Was it a ghost? An evil spirit? Perhaps it was the legendary and mysterious Mr. Karate, who has come to punish them for their mockery of the Kyokugen Dojo. But Daniel Jack's face solidified. He knew exactly who it was. There was no terror within him. No confusion, Only a hint of elation, hidden underneath that stony visage he put forward so hard. As the Head of the Dojo entered the training grounds, Daniel Jack announces his entrance for all of the students.
"Master Todoh!"
Daniel Jack folds up the paper hastily, tucking it into the crook of his arm. With it firmly in his armpit, he swiftly bows towards Ryuhaku. Some of the students follow suit. Others simply stare, agape. They would eventually learn to ignore Master Todoh's eccentric nature. As the Master walks across the training floor, Daniel continues his bow, waiting for the response.
Instead, he is questioned about the funny papers.
Daniel Jack unbows, face in the utmost seriousness. "I am sorry to have stopped the lesson, Sensei. But one our kohei had brought something to my attention!" Unfolding the newspaper, the detective opens the paper, pointing a finger at the offending article, where which a small, poorly-colored picture of the messy lawn was revealed. "This is no comic strip paper, Master Todoh. But something has happened to our rival school!"
"Kyokugen Dojo has been infested with weeds!"
Without even looking to one side where a student stands agape, a fan is neatly drawn from within his shirt, and the closed fan is promptly smacked upon one such youngster's head. Some would say that this is one of his ways of showing displeasure for the lack of proper decor. The truth of the matter is, Ryuhaku appears to believe that the kid's scalp has a magnetic attraction to his fan and this is all part of his continued ill-conceived bid for the Nobel Prize in physics. Were there any punishment for disrespect forthcoming, well...
"Is it today's Marmaduke? It's pretty good, you know!" The old man chimes in as his loyal and great student unfolds the paper to show that it is not Marmaduke.
It is an aesthetic calamity that bears certain disaster for the ecology of Southtown - and even beyond. That strange rapidly-multiplying mutant crabgrass that once infested these very grounds - plantlife of such monstrous presence and danger to lawns everywhere that two men of opposing disciplines fought tooth and nail to utterly wipe its evil clean from the face of the Earth.
Todoh snerks, fighting back a smile. One of his eyes twitch. "That. That that. That is... that is a surprahaha AHEM surprise." He folds his arms suddenly, looking away. "Something I have had no foreknowledge of whatsoever and any laughter you may have just heard in the last few moments is because clearly the Marmaduke comic I was talking about is still fresh in my head and I am not at all suspiciously denying my involvement in the matter--" suddenly a raised fist and outright shouting "AND YOU CAN'T PROVE A DAMN THING YOU NOSY UNITED NATIONS INSPECTORS!!"
He huffs angrily for a few moments, hunched over with eyes sweeping across students that may well be startled, frightened, suspicious, curious, or really anything of the sort before he stands back up and claps his hands together gently. "And this is the time to be thankful that you are so well educated and greater men in the Todoh Way that you do not at all take incredible delight at mischief you didn't at all cause becauhehehehehehe BECAUSE TODAY'S MARMADUKE IS GREAT."
A perceptive mind would see something wrong.
For starters, the newspaper had not used Marmaduke in 5 years. Likewise, Master Todoh's ramblings, while seeming somewhat random, kept a certain theme, as if Marmaduke was a euphemism. Plus, there was those questionable meetings with their former landscaper, the one that Daniel had hired briefly, before letting him go as Daniel could dedicate more time himself to service. All the pieces were there for Daniel to takes those clues, and bring them together to complete the puzzle of this entire crab grass mystery.
Fortunately, Daniel has trained himself not to have a clue when Master Todoh is involved.
"Master Todoh, I plead with you to keep your mind off today's Marmaduke!" The senpai states, while Todoh's poor victim bows swiftly, along with any other non-believers. The detective meanwhile continues, pointing at the picture. "While I do agree, it is quite funny that a dog that large to be trying to lay down on a couch that small, this is a dire matter." Daniel Jack focuses hard. Focuses back on the day of when he began the landscaping. When he and Zach, in a moment of unity, struck down on the mutant crab grass that had so long infested the Todoh Ryuu Dojo. Using the combined powers of Kasane Ate, that should have been the end of that crab grass. They defeated the root of the evil. And yet... there it was, the same strain at Kyokugen. The detective shakes his head. "Sensei, I've had faced this crab grass before, at this very dojo. Thankfully, because of the layout of our surrounding neighborhood, the crabgrass never could spread past our fencing. But if it is at the Kyokugen Dojo..."
Daniel swallows hard.
The detective had developed some amataur groundskeeping skills while serving the Todoh Dojo. He had always tried to figure out how to defeat the crab grass that had long infested the lawn. At yet, through all his research, he could find no information about the crab grass. Even the labratory that he sent the sample of the crab grass too had a mysterious accident, where it was burned to the ground, and there were no survivors. It was as if this crab grass was a unique mutation, only found in this singular region around the Todoh Dojo. And yet, it could never spread. Why couldn't it spread? And that was the heart of Daniel's fear. Looking towards his sensei with an increasingly grim stare, he states the source of his dread. "... There may be nothing at the Kyokugen Dojo to keep it from spreading....
"... Spreading to the rest of the city."
"Just today's?! Yesterday's was good too, you know!" There... wasn't one either, despite one Ryuhaku Todoh's seeming assertions as he crosses his arms. The line between master and student blurs considerably as Daniel talks. At some point, despite being able to speak the same language, it seems more and more that Daniel is a translator and interpreter, the one who speaks between the strange man with such a fascinating idea of reality and the rest of the world.
Or perhaps it is the other way around? Oddly enough (or predictably?) the elder martial artist firmly holds his ground as Daniel speaks of his dire encounters with the horrible thing. The hard facts of what sorts of great dangers could possibly be unleashed across entire unsuspecting landscapes. Parks. Forests. Maybe even the entire island nation of Japa-- well, maybe just Southtown.
"Ah, my most faithful student," Todoh raises his voice a little to try and cut off Daniel as he steps forward, "don't you see?" He gestures to absolutely nothing, except perhaps what would theoretically be the position of the camera in some movie, or sitcom.
This is not a movie or a sitcom. (We're still not out of the woods about whether this is just bad fan fiction, though.)
"Of course I know how hard it is to be rid of all that!! But as you know," he clears his throat, "as you /all/ know, thanks to the greatness of our art, it is gone! Buut," he sneers, grinning ever more widely.
"Do you really expect those punks over near that forest to be able to contain it?! Of course not! So what if it goes everywhere, huh? Why, all you gotta do," his fingers start steeple, "is let 'em know who got rid of them the first time! And then they'll all come to this dojo and learn!"
He starts to pace, pointing a finger up. "Like learning how to... do... the things we do. Which you were doing right now. Every day. Yes." Then he puts a second finger up. "And also... THERE IS NO ALSO WHAT AM I EVEN THINKING," is he thinking? He turns sharply to the lot of them. "Not a word to the United Nations!! They'll see things my way when they learn their tactical peacekeeping squadrons can't rid laws of this stuff either, and then I'll have all three seats I want at last!"
"Which, by the way," he stands up straight, "are Egypt's, Peru's, and Norway's. They are very comfortable chairs. I'd let you even pick the one you'd like most first."
Clearing his throat, Ryuhaku turns around and shows his back, arms behind his hands. "As the hour grows dire for their lawns, even Takuma Sakazaki himself will be forced to admit neither he nor his dim-witted lily-nosed fancy pantsed tuna heads can stand up to what is one of the greatest historical triumphs of our style, and they shall surrender their dojo sign to us and I will even happily let bygones be bygones as THEY become students in my school!"
Giggling. "It's basically a flawless scheme!"
Daniel turns to stare at what Todoh is pointing at. He continues to stare at the first-year high school student, that nervously looks around as both Todoh and Daniel focus all their attention on him. The other students writhe nervously. When Master Todoh gets intense like this, nobody knows what he was capable of. As Todoh finishes, Daniel Jack stares at the now sweaty brow of the first year student. And finally, he responds. "Yes! I think I understand, Sensei! "
"We must help the Kyokugen Dojo!"
Of course, Daniel has to edit out certain parts in translation. That's what you have to do sometimes when you translate. Certain cultural things just don't carry other, just like the cultural trait of Todoh and comfortable chairs. As well as the UN scheme. Daniel actually did not hear that, his Todoh-Ryuu tuned ears blocked it out. Nodding with resolution, the detective raises a fist, causing the poor highschooler to flinch. "If we approach the Kyokugen Dojo, and offer our Todoh-Ryuu might to get rid of all the crab grass, then we might be able to show them that we are no joke!"
"But we cannot do it alone!"
Daniel Jack nods firmly as he steps to the side, towards a great wooden shelf at the side of the dojo. Pulling out a dusty scroll, he holds it up, pointing it towards Master Todoh. "Since two students of Todoh-Ryuu defeated it before, our traditional art is it's weakness. But I know crab grass, and I know whatever does not kill crab grass, will only make it stronger. It has clearly become strong enough to resist it. We may have to call upon the three sacred treasures of Todoh in order to seal the crab grass away again." The nodding from the other students seem to calm them down a bit. Daniel had to be the sane one here.
Well, the saner one.
"Good. Good! Good." There's about six more instances of the word 'good' being said with slightly different inflections, none of which bear repeating in text as Todoh smiles his wicked smile and puffs his chest out proudly. "But we wait until they have no other choice! Er, they... probably don't have any choice right now but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, when they have less than any choice! Negative choice. Yes. Negative one choices. This is math."
Bringing out a fan, for some reason he finds it important to hide his face behind the visage of the Japanese flag. As if he ever really needs an excuse to have a fan out for any reason. He must be a fa-- no, we're not going down that road. Daniel's narration of the needed components to vanquish the horrible monster of what was truly Ryuhaku Todoh's own doings goes so far out that suddenly the fan lowers.
"Wait, three?" He asks, cocked eyebrow. "Hrrrm. No, there has to be more than three, otherwise I can't fit all those comfy diplomat chairs in that designation... bah!"
He throws his hands up, fan flying into the air with such force that it somehow manages to embed itself into one of the ceiling support structures. "Point is! I win! They lose! And there's not a damn thing they can do to stop it unless they beg us for help and forgiveness! Which is, you know, big picture. Big picture. Very big. Bigger than a megapixel thingy what the hell is a megapixel those cameras all look like they're the same god damn size I HATE MICROSCOPES!!"
At his fingertips, the yellowish-orangeish slices of chi energy form, taking his very aggression out upon the very energy of the world as he hurls down those three segmented blocks of chi that dissipate as they lower to the ground. This probably scares away a student or two from its range as he stands hunched over, face contorted in rage like he was bit by some sort of great urge to be bipolar today.
Why haven't they tried to get him back in a retirement home, again?
"So!!" Ryuhaku straightens back out, pointing out a finger vigorously to those gathered. "Soon the crab grass will be too much! They'll come to you. If it's not the United Nations, direct 'em here!!"
Daniel Jack nods along as Master Todoh rambles, every meaningless word holding some meaning to the detective, even if he didn't know what that meaning actually was. As Todoh unleashes his chi, the students do back away, expecting a surprise sparring session. But Daniel Jack, instead, opens the scroll. "Yes Master Todoh! The three Sacred Artifacts of Todoh-Ryuu!" Clearing his throat, he reads them off the scroll.
"The Mirror of Todoh, The Jewel of Todoh, and the Sword of Ku-"
"I'm sorry, that is crossed out. That is very clearly the Sword of Todoh!"
As Todoh mysteriously hides behind his fan, the detective translates, executing his command (or at least the parts he understands.) "Our sensei is right. We must look at the big picture! You all are not strong enough to take on the crab grass directly, but are strong enough to stave it out, should it attack innocents. You must spread out, and find where the crab grass has taken hold, and spread the word that Todoh-Ryuu is the only martial art that can stop it. I will go out, and seek out the three Sacred Treasures of Todoh-Ryuu. Unless, of course, they are associated with the United Nations! That includes Interpol!" Daniel rolls up the scroll, and points a figure towards the door.
"Now! Go!"
The students, having no intention of actually going around town telling people about grass, are encouraged by the opportunity to avoid 100 Kasane Ates, and immediately bow in unison. "Yes, Senpai!" And with that, they rush off. Daniel Jack crosses his arms, nodding fiercely. "It looks like we will be able to stop this crisis, sensei...."
But still, the entire incident seems off, somehow."
Daniel Jack rubs his chin, his power of perception slowly catching up with his unconscious censorship of Todoh's personality. He begins to list out the various clues that his mind was working hard to bring into the surface. "Who would have a plant grow in the Kyokugen Dojo, which as you know, is one of our fiercest rivals. A plant that, as you correctly point out, Master Todoh, that only be defeated using the Sacred Todoh Ryuu Arts. Likewise, why is it that the United Nations cannot get involved? It seems that someone, who had access to the crab grass, would have planted it. Someone with a vendetta with both the Kyokugen family, as well as the United Nations.." And suddenly, it hits Daniel. He thrusts a finger at Todoh, eyes wide. "... Wait a minute. Master Todoh!"
"... Does your wife know that you are back?"
The threat tends to lend more towards one hundred and seventeen Kasane Ates nowadays rather than a straight one hundred, but basic arithmetic in regards to repetitions tends to be the least of anyone's concerns when the (in)famous Ryuhaku Todoh goes into one of those... trains of thought, should 'thought' be sullied and diminished as a concept, inappropriately laughing throughout Daniel's clarifications of the Three Sacred Artifacts of Todoh-Ryuu.
And also, for some reason, deciding to suddenly just be in the opposite corner of the dojo grounds, where there may or may not be a secret Marmaduke comic invisible to the naked (or even respectfully clothed) eye from where he stands. The world may never know, but can continue to make educated guesses all the same.
"Eh? Off? Looks pretty on to me!" Ryuhaku snorts. "There is crabgrass so it is not off, it is on!" Ryuhaku Todoh is not a licensed electrician (...or a licensed anything) so this metaphor straddles the dangerous line between a poorly written joke and/or a feigned attempt at higher levels of intellectual prowess.
As Daniel Jack runs down the line of hard facts with his detective-esque deductions, a cold sweat seems to start breaking as the facts pile up. Everything seems to fall in place! Todoh starts taking a few seeming nervous steps backwards until he's up against the wall. He's already looking left and right, to either side, as the final question is puntuated with a finger point.
"N-No!" He says, voice suddenly going to a squeak. "I can't bear to tell her they don't carry her favorite brand of shampoo any more anywhere!" He curls his fingers and leans forward, voice suddenly turning towards the more hoarse. "She can see through the labels! I can't just keep refilling the same bottle with the other stuff!!"
"So," clearing his throat as he regains his composure, however brief, "the sooner the United Nations gives up those seats, the sooner I will sit comfortably in acceptance of this certain defeat! So, ah, well. Where was I?"
Well, thank goodness the students have fled.
As Daniel Jack looks around, he finally finds Master Todoh in the corner, doing important... Sensei business. Daniel Jack extends a hand, for a comforting pat on the shoulder, before ultimately deciding against it as the crazy old man regains his composure. "We have more important matters than what brand of shampoo she needs! But I still think she would be happy to know you are home safe." Daniel pauses. He does not know why he pauses. But something seemed wrong with that statement. But finally, he gives an exasperated sigh.
"I still don't understand why you keep bringing up the United Nations!
Daniel clears his own throat, before puffing out his chest, giving it a single, fierce drumming. "Anyways! More important things!" Daniel Jack gives a solemn bow. "Master Todoh. I will go and fetch the three sacred treasures of Todoh! I will not return until I have claimed the three treasures, and use them to seal the crab grass away, before it takes over the city!" Thrusting a noble fist before him, he begins to glow with an inner light.
"For the Spirit of Todoh burns within me!"
"I, er, well, I keep saying--" Todoh stammers a bit as Daniel just fires himself up with CONVICTION and PURPOSE and BELIEF and... maybe not depicted in capital letters. Perhaps italics? /Conviction/ and /purpose/ and /belief/ and... no, maybe capital letters and italics together are appropriate here.
"Yes! Go... go do that. Sure! Fine." The elder Todoh starts making shooing motions. "Yes! I am proud of you, as always. Definitely. Of course, right. Yes. Sacred Treasures and crab grass and seriously you should see the Marmaduke from three weeks ago," Todoh starts moving towards the door, "and I will totally not be cackling to myself about how everything's going according to plan or something! Very much not."
He makes a few shifty glances, "uh, is my lovely dear wife here? I can't let her catch me without the shampoo," he starts stating through clenched teeth as he makes incredibly nervous glances towards the great evening-kissed outdoors.
Even Daniel can swing harder than Todoh sometimes.
"Thank you Master Todoh! Your words only strengthen my resolve! I know I can drop down on those scuzzi- I mean, I know I can succeed!" Oblivious to how everything is going to plan, Daniel Jack begins to head... but naturally, Todoh interrupts with only the most innocent of questions. Danel Jack pauses, turning around with a fierce grin. "Of course, Master Todoh! In fact, I ran across her as I was coming in for training!"
"I am surprised you didn't see her out front!"
Daniel Jack continues to build that burning spirit, working himself up into a frenzy as he erupts from the front door. As he charges out of sight into the evening, his voice rises up "Goodbye Mrs. Todoh!" Daniel Jack knew that he had a lot cut out for him. To find out the mysterious villain behind all this. To find three sacred treasures that were only described through crude images drawn with crayon on the scroll. And of course, the most important goal of all.
To save Southtown from the crab grass.
Log created on 23:51:23 04/21/2013 by Todoh, and last modified on 00:39:14 04/24/2013.