Description: ITS SHOWTIME KIDS! All-American Cowgirl actress Jezebel Faiblesse performs at the prestigious Seijyun campus. The show featured live student interaction with regards to topics dealing with student health and iconic characters from the America! Opinion on the stage show was varied but commonly cited as "Unforgettable" or "Amusing" by members of the student body.
Seijyun High. 10 AM. School Assembly. Manditory attendence.
The assembly hall is filled to the brim with countless murmuring students. Naturally, an all female student body with a strict dress code made it a sea of conformity, with a few notable exceptions. The stage, however, was only just cleared, with the headmistress having announced the purpose of this assembely. Apparently, there were rumors of smoking amongst the student body. These rumors were always present, but they had with good opinion strong evidence that there was smoking on campus. As such, a presentation would be made on the dangers of smoking. And who would be providing the presentation, at some cost from the surprisingly overfunded budget?
None other than Jezebel, the American Martial Artist Star.
As the headmistress takes her lead, she is soon followed by Lightning Spangles herself. Of course, it was not Lightning Spangles. Lightning Spangles was a character. Jezebel, the actress, is dressed not in her iconic cowboy outfight, but what seems to be a rather aggressively colored kimono, bound tightly over her form. Red floral patterns clash with black, giving a somewhat sinister scheme. Her long ponytail was done up in a bun, and everything was done with restraint. Her expression is but a faint smile. The only hint of what to come is the tap, tap, tap of her cowboy boots upon the wooden stage. Approaching the podium, she pauses a moment, and clears her throat before answering in a soft, somewhat stilted Japanese tongue.
"<Ahem. Good evening my peers. I am Jezebel, and I would->"
As the Mistress leaves the assembly hall, however, she cuts herself short, and gives a large stage wink. With a swift sweep of her kimono, she suddenly throws off the robe, revealing the full cowgirl outfit underneath. Blue Jeans, red Vests, white shirts, and all studded all American Stars, Stripes, and Thunderbolts, she gives a whirl, kimono sailing to a waiting stage hand. Her hair finally is unfurled, as the film screen slowly lowers behind her. Smiling a full, white toothed smile ear to ear, she lets out a yodel as she hooks her thumbs right in her belt loops.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAW! Sorry about that folks, they'd only let me in if I looked the part! Well, Howdy Y'all! I'm Lightning Spangles, the All American Heroine! Can I get a Yee-haw?!"
There is a series of polite coughs and tittering amongst the assembled students, some of the alpha females have taken to examining their cell phones and it is rather a cold and bewildered reaction from the audience; but for that one enthusiastic shout from the mass of apathetic teens.
"YEE HAAaaaaaawww~uh?"
Karura lowers her cupped hands from her mouth still grinning broadly but now definitely conscious of the echo and looks of her fellow students with their quiet reactions, new friends and classmates alike all staring or shooting glances her way her way as if she were behaving in an odd and alien manner.
Feh! this assembly was boring enough without an excuse to let loose, and Hey! That was Lighting Spangles up there get with the program people. Waving left and right she settles back into her seat with a sigh but refuses to be cowed by the mass of peer pressure and calls out again.
"Woo, Lightning Spangles."
That voice out there does set some of the girls to giggling and hushed talking and faux smiles as they wait for the assembly to continue. Interpretations of her intent are as different and varied as there are girls in the room. Everyone is at least smiling now if for various reasons and amusements. Bring on the show!
Apparently, one yee-haw is all she needs.
Come on Y'all! Lightning Spangle exclaims, pumping a fist briskly in the air in response to the smattering of cheers. I can see some of you got the spirit! When Lightning Spangles is around, don't be afraid to let people hear it! Tap, tap, tap are her boots as she walks the line of the stage, looking over the crowd. She had worked with teenagers before. They were a sullen lot, the wrong crowd for her to play against. Too old to be playful like her, too young to know when not to take things so seriously. I first like to thank y'all for coming in! There's a whole lot of you, and I appreciate that!" She states, face glowing with a smile.
"Well, lets get some real introductions out of the way."
"My name is Lightning Spangles, and I am a former professional actress. I now do various charities and events as a promotional Tae Kwon Do martial artist! I've done come to your school because a little birdie told me that there has been underaged smoking, and that I ought to come right on in, and give you all a talkover. So I am here to teach you the facts of what smoking can do to your young, growing bodies!
That unceasing brightness does not fade as her gaze casts over the audience. Where ever she looks, it is as if a light casts over it. In fact, a spotlight DOES cast over it, leading her vision around. Now, I am gonna need a volunteer from the audience to help me out here. Who here has the Lightning Spangles All American Spirit to step right on up and be deputized? The spot light drifts along, hanging, for a moment, on Karura. Lightning Spangles looks over to the girl, and gives a wink.
Her Yee-Haw was what she needed.
Frozen like a deer in headlights Karura makes for the focus of the light quite well as girls to the left and right of her either scurry aside or lean away from her further emphasizing just how singled out she has become. Raising a hand to her eyes and turns the gesture into a casual flick of her fringe and an 'elegant pause'. It buys time for- well, there's no way out of this unless she wants to suddenly feign coming down ill, maybe a sudden stomach virus attack, no, too cliche? they'd never buy it. The fancy passes while standing and shuffling over to the aisle under the overhead spotlight tracking her movement? trapped.
Uniformly dressed like fellow students there is still some evidence of individuality in her wearing of said outfit, socks pushed all the way down and a pair of colourfully trimmed running shoes. Karura bounds up the steps two at a time and slows only when she has to wander further onto the stage in front of the student body, sharing a stage with a thirty-something American 'former actress.' Was this one of those life changing moments, a <flag> event!?
The slim Japanese teen stands with her feet spaced widely apart and poised with her bare right arm resting casually on her hip but with her left arm, deliberately obscured by her body from the audience; the entire arm, is wrapped in bandages from fingertips to bicep as though the girl were part mummy. Flashing a charm inducing smile she offers Jezebel a well spoken English (American)
"Howdy."
berefit of most of the heavy accent usually placed on the word. The word rings out louder than enough because of the stages accoustics and proximity of a microphone. Ah, this probably isn't going to go well is it? Flag event failed, Bad end.
We found a winner.
As the spotlight fixes on Karura, it doesn't take long before she is escorted to the stage by two stage hands, a pair of jowly middle-aged ladies. As she is brought up on the stage, the projector screen is fully extended, and on the stage, Karura can see a projector set up, and a full stage equipment set up, just off the set. It seems SOMETHING is on the horizon, but it isn't clear what. As she is brought up, Lightning Spangles does look at the bandages, eyeing them carefully, but not breaking that smile as she pipes right up.
"Now that there is the full Lightning Spangles Showup Hoedown Spirit! Howdy pardner!"
Lightning Spangles grabs the mic, and walks right over to her new partner. Placing a hand on her shoulder, she keeps up that unending smile. "Now, don't worry about signing no papers! I've been already informed that as part of your registration for this school, you already have given legal authority of waiving liability to the school proper! That means we can get right to the fun parts!" Whipping out a single star badge, she immediately pins it right on the teenager's chest. "Now, by the authority bested to me by Seijyun High, I! Sheriff Lightning Spangles, dub ya deputized for this here smoking demonstration! Miss, uuuh." The cowgirl pauses a second, before looking right at her.
"That's right! What's your name, pardner?!"
It seems that the default name is Karura. She better not be a jerk, and pick a terrible name like 'Butt' or 'ButtButt.'
Karura toys with the badge after it is affixed to her chest angling it up to inspect it. A tin five pointed star with Deputy imprinted, shes fairly sure it's a toy badge but she never did get to actually see Texas, maybe they still had badges like this for real. The American woman seems 'plenty friendly' enough even if this whole act is starting to feel just a little embarrassing now.
"Kanbaru Karura"
The too loud sound of her own voice over the speakers sounding strange in her ears leaves an awkward silence which she hastily rushes to fill with a sudden 'super-suave' delivery.
"My blood type is B, I love basketball and running. My measurements are-"
There is definitely some amusement in the crowd now, even Karura has no idea if she is doing this intentionally anymore or not. A natural born class clown or just that competitive at even showmanship she feels immeasurably better seeing some smiles and laughter. Those measurements were nothing to be trifled with either and the delivery was completely in character with a dating video or beauty pageant. What is she even doing?
The most dangerous thing in the world?
Letting a teenager have the mic, unscripted.
Lightning Spangles was attacked by Vice in the past. When the girl starts to go in about her blood type, she isn't too worried. She had her own script. Karura didn't. Lightning Spangles had to keep things back on line. She had to make her pitch now, right. So as the student begins to go into her measurements, Lightning Spangles doesn't seem to be paying attention.
Instead, she is busy lighting up a cigarette.
She tucks away the six-pack in her back jeans pocket, keeping the cigarette in her mouth. Putting it away, she gives it a long puff, and blows out smoke. A murmur comes over the crowd. "That's enough, Karura!" She states. "Anyways, what's the matter with smoking? I'm an adult, and you all are essentially adults. Why shouldn't you take a puff!" The projector begins to whirr to life.
And suddenly, Karuara can sense a giant figure looming behind her.
"LIGHTNING SPANGLES!" Comes the cry of a thick, southern drawl from the speakers. Upon the screen is a giant, cheeky cartoon armadillo, dressed in a cowboy hat, and armed with a fiddle and bow. But upon his face is a look of great concern. Tilting his hat back, he just stares at Lightning Spangle with big eyes. "What in the Sam Hill are your doing, Pardner?!" The critter drawls. Jezebel steps back, looking towards the screen while stepping aside to ensure everyone in the audience. "Why, it's my good friend, the Hoe-Down Dillo! Howdy pardner! I am just enjoying a relaxing cigarette with my friends from Seijyun High!" The cartoon character's jaw drops in disbelief. "Well put that out! Don't you know those things are dangerous!?" The armadillo is suddenly interrupted by a cool, deep baritone.
"Come on, bro, don't be a downer!"
Pushing The Hoe-Down Dillo aside, an anthropomorphic camel in a leather jacket steps on the screen, puffing away at a cigarette. The Hoe Down Dillo nearly gets his hat knocked clean up, as the intruder comes in. Lightning Spangles nods firmly. "Joe Camel has a point, Hoe-Down Dillo! How else can I fit in with all these people unless I light up a smoke!" Lightning Spangles puffs away once more, before turning towards Karura. "How about it, Karura?"
"Wouldn't you like a smoke?"
A cartoon talking armadillo and a camel, Karura was out of her league up here on this stage. A light sheen of sweat begins to shine on her face as her head turns back from the animated sequence with all the natural fluidity of a rusty iron gate swinging closed. She can already see a cartoon like vision all her own of a chibi crayon scribble version of herself dancing a hoedown and never living a single peaceful school day again in her lifetime.
It was an absolute certainty someone would take pictures with their cell phone unless something is done. Too late to pull the stomach ache rouse..? She was still willing to try it! Desperate times and all that.
Her hands raise up in front of her in an exaggerated warding gesture palms toward Jezebel and she utters;
"No, No, thank you. ... Good talk!"
There is a very faint cough as she nods affirmation hoping for recognition as she has ad dropped the English and gone right back to Japanese she is focused entirely on escape now. The turn on her heel is mechanical and wooden as she takes one half-step towards the stairs and sweet escape, the show must go on? Hell no! This was social suicide!!
And then the descent into madness accelerates.
"Very Good- *KARURA* -that's exactly what you need to do!" Is what the Dillo says, with his voice very noticably changing when he has to say Karura. Almost like one of the stage hands said it. But as Lightning Spangles shrugs, she continues to puff away. Meanwhile, the Hoedown Dillo continues. "Just say no! Smoking has a lot of serious health hazards! And one of the most serious ones are-"
And Lightning Spangles begins to scream.
The cigarette never leaves her mouth, but she screams. Writhing in agony, the cowgirl clutches her throat, choking loudly. Staggering across the stage, she lurches violently, tears pouring from her eyes. Stumbling towards Karura, she reaches for her, pleadingly. "Wh-wh-what... is.. happening!?" She wheezes, before suddenly she rushes off stage, screaming. The screams before more and more intense, louder, more wild. And suddenly, a roar. The Hoedown Dillo's eyes go incredibly wide. He shakes his head. "Oh no. OH NO! Like the most serious of all health hazards, Lightning Spangles you fool! She has gotten..."
"*=CANCER="
Lightning Spangles's suddenly returns on the stage, face a mess of makeup scabs and sores, mostly centered around her lips. Instead of hands, polyester gloves with long, boney fingers drags out. From her chest, however, it seems to be blackened lungs on the outside, with what seems like a narrow alien, wriggling around with every movement. Eyes completely white out, Lightning Spangles unleashes a horrific rasping sound, as her limbs flail about wildly. And of course, hanging from her lips?
A single cigarette.
Hoedown Dillo covers his eyes in terror. "Oh no! THis is terrible! She has been consumed by cancer! Look what your cigarettes have done, Joe!" The camel shrugs. "Come on, she's fine! Besides, I think it's kinda sexy!" The Hoedown Dillo facepalms, as Demon Spangles reaches her long claws towards Karura... and gives her a quietly little wink. The Hoedown Dillo announces very clearly. "You have to save her, *KARURA!* Save her from the cancer...."
"Before it spreads!"
I think I'd rather save me Mr Armadillo! The gentle push of the stagehand to send her back onto the stage should have made a shriek as her heels were firmly dug in but instead she is confronted with the HORRIBLE appearance of Lightning Spangles. I mean these effects up close are something to be put to shame by a Halloween costume and the now completely mute audience is boring holes in her with their combined gaze. The Hoedown Dillo remains silent but she can feel it's cartoony presence behind herc evil bastard she would never have feelings of good will toward a cartoon Armadillo after this.
Hesitantly reaching out she places a hand on the horrible lung/alien combination that is also Jezebels chest and firmly rubs.
"Cancer, cancer, go away."
The flinging arm gesture concluded the childlike poem to banish pains and the girl stands staring up at Jezebel, she can sense the laughter in the crowd long before any of it erupts. She laughs herself, it's strained because she has no idea how the older woman will react though her right hand twitches at her side.
Many a brave and wretched soul have run from Lightning Spangles' legendary stage shows.
Kararu, however, doesn't seem to have the chance. The stage hands are blocking the path, while the Demon Spangles flails her arms about menacingly. Backed into the corner, Karura responds as many would: Groping.
Wait what?
As Karura reaches out to rub out the cancer, she can feel the heavy foam padding that made up the 'cancerous lung.' However, as she repeats the line, Jezebel unleashes a shrill scream like a banshee, flailing her limbs about. Very gently, she sweeps a hand to keep Kararu's arms off, as she herself steps back, raising her arms up and down. The Hoedown Dillo shakes his head, speaking in the stilted tones out of sync of his mouth. "Cancer can't be removed with magic words or just rubbing away! Cancer can only be treated by cutting out the infected portions, using dangerous drugs and chemicals to 'shock' it out, or raditation therapy! Since we don't have Chemo, and we don't have Lasers, we have only one option."
"You must punch the cancer out of her!"
As the Hoedown Dillo finishes the line, he suddenly jumps up. "Watch out, *KARURA*" He exclaims, back into his original voice, with proper lipsync. As if on cue, Jezebel suddenly lurches forward violently, swinging the heavy, bony hands out to strike the poor girl. It looks like if this was a situation of Fight or Flight, the teenager had to pick fast, before... before...
Cancer claims another victim.
@time
@time
COMBATSYS: Karura has started a fight here.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Karura 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Jezebel has joined the fight here.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////////]
Jezebel 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Karura
COMBATSYS: Karura blocks Jezebel's Random Weapon.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////// ]
Jezebel 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Karura
The schoolgirl raises an arm to fend off the attack more because it's creepy as all hell than a sense of threat. The twist to her lips betrays just how much she felt the sting of that blow, even as it lands her backwards hop gains her distance on her opponent. What the hell? The red mark on her bare arm and the slowly dwindling pain prove well enough this is no daydream. Any attempt to pander to the stage show nature is now is completely lost.
"What do you think you're doing!"
What kind of method bullshit was this when someone would attack you for real because of a lame skit? No way, this had to be bad joke. The pain gives way hurt and then finally anger as she squares off with the cancer demon cowgirl whom shares the stage. Punch it out of her the cartoon had said raising her arms into an amateurish attempt she throws a weak-tea punch at those ridiculous 'cancerous lungs' as way of returning the favour. She may not be serious but she's also not smiling anymore.
COMBATSYS: Karura successfully hits Jezebel with Weakened Quick Punch.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////// ]
Jezebel 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Karura
Tobacco IS creepy!
As Lightning Spangles flails into the teenager awkwardly, she smiles a bit as Kararu blocks the blow. Away from the mic, she whispers. "Good work! If I am pushing too hard, just let me know. I'm trying not to hit your bandaged parts!" Oh, the actress plays rough. But she wasn't cruel on stage, and she wanted to make sure this was just a show, not a serious match. But as for the attacking for real thing?
Well, they said she didn't need to sign any papers!
The blocked limbs slap harshly, but the responding jab cracks the foam. It was a weak-sauce blow for Kararu. But as Lightning Spangles takes it, she is sent reeling. Stumbling backwards, she howls in agony. Limbs writhing in agony, she keeps going backwards, wheezing as if the very wind was knocked out of her. She grips her chest, trembling in agony.
And the cancer falls off.
Lightning Spangle's rasping falls away to a gasp of shock. Through the speakers, her voice comes out. "Oh! *KARARU*! Please help me! I can't control myself! The cancer has already spread! Please! H-h-help me-" Her pleads of help are interrupted as Joe Camel takes the screen. "Enough! You are giving my cigarettes a bad name! It is time to channel the dark demon of Marlboro to truly teach you a lesson, *KARARU*. I summon you forth, the foul poisons of Nicotine! Arsenic! Formaldehyde! Cyanide! And of course, Dead Bugs! ARISE! ARISE, DUDE!"
Lightning Spangles collapses on her back.
The lights in the auditorium go dim, and a series of flashes erupt from around. From beside Lightning Spangles, away from the audience, a small slot is opened up. As Demon Spangles lies on her back, she convulses in pain, gagging. From within the trapdoor, several rubber hoses, as thick as pipes, are pushed up, flailing around. As Lightning Spangles juts her gut upwards, the tentacles are suddenly lashed out in Kararu's direction, to the cries of Hoedown Dillo.
"Don't give up, *KARARU!* I believe in you!"
COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Karura with Large Random Weapon.
- Power hit! -
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > /////////////////////// ]
Jezebel 0/-------/-----==|====---\-------\0 Karura
How strong is this woman to be hitting so hard yet completely unaware of her own strength? One moment it's all sweetness and saccharine and the next moment a 'playful bat' that actually hurt and felt damaging. Watching in horror as the scene develops into even more of a farce karura is caught flat footed as the lights go out. Standing where she is she can plainly hear the air compressor start up but that could never prepare her for the spectacle when the lights returned. As some of the tendrils fall down upon the stricken girl there is a series of flashes in the audience. No, no-no-no, Augh! Struggling free she throws arm armload of the softly battering tentacles aside she struggles forward. Against the flailing tentacles chaotic barrage she can do little but catch occasional glimpses of jezebel
"Are you actually trying to ruin my life? Character assassination!?"
Tripping on a tentacle that has somehow escaped inflation she falls heavily onto her posterior, struggling she tries to kick it lose and pull away. Looks like the tentacles have bested this heroine as she scoots backwards just to get away. The injury is mostly to her pride but this is a horrible experience overall. When does it end? Why did it begin?
COMBATSYS: Karura gains composure.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////////// ]
Jezebel 0/-------/-----==|==-----\-------\0 Karura
Jezebel purposely remains unaware of many things about herself.
It saved on medical bills.
As the stage tentacles flail about, the surprisingly hefty tentacles. Of course, as countless cellphone cameras go off as Karura earns her highschool reputation by being attacked by tobacco tentacles. Hopefully this won't be hung around her neck forever.
Speaking of hanging around necks.
"So, *KARURA*, you still resist, babe?" Joe Camel states wickedly, adjusting his shades. "Perhaps you just give up, and just accept cigarettes as part of your new lifestyle! Yes, your new cigarette lifestyle. Now look at the future you will have, when you accept your new standards of life!" Suddenly, from the side stage, the spotlight focuses on what seems to be a 20-something female in a male fat suit, wearing a fake beard and a stained grey jumpsuit. The woman, not even moving her lips, 'speaks' through the speakers. "Hello there honey! I am unemployed, out of shape, and now your husband. Allow me to make a public embarassment of myself, while you spend every day getting calls from your mother about how you made bad choices in life." The voice pauses.
"Also I am a smoker too."
The 'man' begins to approach Karura, arms outstretched, bearing a park of smokes in each hand. Lumbering towards the teenager at zombie-like speed, the actor attempts to grab the poor student, and force her in a bear hug before throwing her to the ground. All while Demon Spangles begins to rise up... and regain her footing.
Was this reality?
COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Karura with Medium Throw.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////// ]
Jezebel 0/-------/----===|=====--\-------\0 Karura
Head turned the other way to view the lumbering monstrosity all she can do is stare incredulously, jaw slack and eyes wide. This has gone way beyond and is now just deliberately making fun of the poor girl. The struggling against the actor in a fat suit is far from pretty, the awkward wobbling dance before she managed to pull away is as ungainly as it is uncomfortable.
rrImmediately after all she quickly tucks her elbows in and starts tumbling sideways as fast as she can; she rolls right off the stage only just barely finding her feet. Now sweating hard now her hair is a little dishevelled nonetheless she loudly and awkwardly proclaims
"AAhu- My stomach"
Possibly one of the worst examples of a feigned illness in the history of excuse giving. There's not enough tea in China to convince her that there's anything beneficial to getting back on that stage, it's full of crazy people. Crazy people who hit you! One hand held theatrically against her belly she begins are rather brisk walk for the exit, with more haste than someone who had a sore stomach should manage.
David Lynch directs a school special?
As the nightmare from the future takes Karura and hurls her down, the lights begin to fall down. The slithering sound of the tentacles grind on the stage. The heavy breathing of the 'husband' wheezes. The blackness consumes the hall. Lightning Spangles' pained sobs begin to break through the darkness. A hushed murmur overcomes the entire assembly. Silence then comes, an ever present silence.
And the lights return.
Lightning Spangles stands astride, back in her Star Spangled Vest Combo! The stage is cleared, the tentacles are cleared, and the screen is turned off. And Lightning Spangles looks practically glowing. "Hahaha! Thank you, Karura! That was INCREDIBLE! Everyone give a round of applause for our volunteer! Now, that actually wasn't getting cancer. Let me tell you, if you actually encountered cancer, you wouldn't have gotten away, Karura!"
"You would be dead!"
Lightning Spangles begins to applaud loudly. "Now, that's all I have for you! I hope I made it clear just how bad smoking is! Remember everyone. Cigarettes are terrible things, and while it SEEMS cool to smoke them, everything you saw today is essentially what will happen when you smoke. You don't believe me?" Lightning Spangles holds up the black, pseudo-realistic lung that fell off her before.
"Maybe you should give smokers a closer look!"
Log created on 21:02:57 04/20/2013 by Karura, and last modified on 03:24:20 04/23/2013.