Description: Summer Cram School has a new attendee -- and Preston doesn't like her! That won't stop him from bumming a fag however! That's British for 'steal a smoke.' Or is it?? Look for the surprise appearance by Jackie Chan!
PACIFIC HIGH
SUMMER CLASSES
FOR PEOPLE WHO FAILED STUFF
NOW
It's always an odd collection of kids who end up taking the summer courses at Pacific High. There are lots of reasons for needing to play catch-up. Bad attitudes. Excessive absences due to illness or whatever. Just plain not getting it. And sometimes -- just sometimes -- being a thirty-year-old undercover vigilante who looks like she belongs in this remedial math class about as much as a horse would.
Chun-Li wears the uniform, such as it is, of Pacific High, and augments her disguise with a pair of huge, thickly-framed glasses that make her look either trendy (in a Western kind of way) or supremely geeky (in an everywhere kind of way). She's aced every test, gotten every question correct when called upon, and been a quiet, studious, observant pupil.
Which has not exactly worked out in the scheme of 'seeking out Shadaloo recruiters who may or may not be preying on summer-school delinquents in filling out their ranks after the disastrous occupation of Southtown, preferably rich, disaffected foreign kids.'
So: a change of image, then. Xiang Chun-Li sits in the open quad, smoking her third cigarette of the afternoon in an effort to look mean and tough, but mostly just looking like a thirty year old woman who keeps fucking coughing.
"Got the fuckin' summer cold, do you?" It's a voice with an accent, like a solid 100% of the cast and crew of Pacific High. Whether it's slated like a set of eyes or rough like this particular Brit's, an accent certainly says a lot about someone. It says where they're from. Uh, it probably says other things too.
Anyway, in this case the voice comes from the side, as ambling up is one Preston Alistair Wellington the II. He's been in most of the same math classes, because for some inexplicable reason he's been gone from the school for most of the year that just passed right-on by. He's also been wearing a set of glasses in class, and that isn't the only thing he has in common with the seated Asian.
He also has massive thighs.
In addition, one of his massive hands is extended, and he's making a 'give me one' gesture. "Mind if I bum a fuckin' smoke? I'm out, and fucked if I can be fucked walkin' over to the local 'Conbini' to try and hassle the bloody slanty-eyed cunt out of a pack of fags."
A pause, a beat. That massive oar shifts on his shoulders.
"No offense, luv."
Summer school, and a Preston with some manners. He gestures again with his hand. Give the underage boy a cigarette, Chun-Li, International Agent of Mystery.
Chun-Li considers the words spoken to her by a teenager with a mouth fouler than Guile's -- which isn't hard because Guile is inexplicably pretty decent for a guy who hangs out in the fucking armed forces. Still, there's something to be said for Preston's brusque manner that makes her suspect that maybe, just maybe, he could provide a lead. Terrorist organizations love aristocracy -- Chun-Li's done enough research on her classmates to know that much -- because their entitlement complexes are generally through the roof. To wit: demanding a cigarette while hurling racist abuse around.
'Hm!' thinks Chun-Li.
"Sgghhacksure," the World's Most Dangerous Woman replies, sounding 1. Chinese and 2. like she's got a cat currently dying halfway down her throat. (They are mutually exclusive.) Clearing her throat again, Chun-Li removes the package of cigarettes from her handbag -- it'd be an awfully expensive handbag for a student to have, anywhere but Pacific High -- and passes it over to Preston.
SOME TIME AGO
"Yes, I know you want cigarettes, but what's your /brand/?" the exasperated clerk sighs.
Chun-Li taps a finger to her chin, eyes glazing over as she looks at the colorful display rack full of brand names that mean nothing to her. "...anything slim," she replies.
NOW
"I've seen you in classes," Chun-Li says, rubbing her throat as if she just got punched in it. "What did you do to have to spend the summer here?" Teenagers love to brag, thinks Chun-Li. They also love those damn video games.
Taking the pack, Preston isn't long in knocking out a butt from the pack against the palm of his hand. But first he squints at the packet, which is to say he looks at the packet. That squint is directed at her as he lights up. In particular, he's watching her rub her throat. He shifts his stance inexplicably.
"Yeah, advanced math, you're the smart fuck who keeps gettin' all the answers right." The cigarette is drawn away, and he puffs out a plume. "Real eager beaver, ain't you? Gettin' right up there in Clarkson's arse."
He chortles, amused at both the imagery and the joke. Flicking ash away, he gets to answering the actual question. "Missed a couple semesters, what can I say? Had to deal with something a little more pressing than my high school education. You transfer in durin' my time abroad?" That squint is aimed at her thighs. He still has her packet of cigarettes. "Or did you fly off to Thailand for a little snip-snip and you're one of my smokin' buddies from before?"
There's a lot that Chun-Li is curious about, now. For one, she wonders how people can smoke these things. She feels sick, comparable to the time when she first saw Rufus jiggling his way across television. But more to the point of why she's there in the first place, the fact that Preson 'missed a couple semesters' for 'something more pressing than high school' has her suspicious.
When she realizes he's watching her rub her throat, though, Chun-Li stops, coughing quietly into her fist and straightening up. "I wouldn't say I'm /eager/," Chun-Li says, with the tentative air of someone who doesn't know /what/ to say they would be in its place.
"But, yes, I transferred in... not long ago." The world-famous fighter is about to ask something else when her expression just turns to one of complete confusion:
"I... 'snip-snip?'"
Poor Chun-Li. This question will only bring her pain.
There's a puff of laughter from the tall Brit, now standing there with the butt of his ridiculously long oar grounded next to him. He leans against it slightly, gesturing with the hand holding the cigarette. "You know, gettin' the all twig and two berries taken right off. Changin' yer order from the hot dog to the smoked turkey. Gettin' yer dong replaced with a set of flaps.
"Fuck, I'm out of euphemisms, but you get the idea yeah?"
Taking a drag, he stops with the crude gestures, the cradling of a set of balls exploding like a *POW*. "Not that I really think you ARE a ladyboy, of course, but you do have some bloody big thighs if you don't mind my saying so. And I'm a fan of short-shorts, so that's really sayin' somethin' if I don't think the ol' school skirt is a good option for a girl.
"Maybe you need to try some of those bloody weight loss shakes, cut the carbs, get on ol' Jenny Craig's bandwagon, you get my drift, chubby?
"But ah, I shouldn't be so mean to someone who let me bum a fag, now should I?" Where'd her packet of cigarettes go, anyway? His shirt pocket bulges conspicuously.
Chun-Li's inner monologue offers a descent into horror as it battles against the realization of Preston's crude depravity. Eventually, she figures out what he's talking about, around when he mimes crushing a set of testicles.
The Strongest Woman in the World turns bright red, her face sharply twisting into a look of disgust. "Excuse me?!" she replies, obviously taking offense. And then, Preston keeps going.
'Oh my god he is saying the most horrible things ever,' goes Chun-Li's inner monologue.
Now, see, the intrepid not-reporter that is Chun-Li loves children. She thinks that kids are the best thing in the world because they're all innately good. But some of them grow up and just become awful and she is looking at that process in media res.
"You brat--!" Chun-Li seethes, letting anger overtake her when she knows full well she shouldn't.
Case in point: swinging a slap right at Preston's cheek.
COMBATSYS: Chun-Li has started a fight here.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Chun-Li 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Preston has joined the fight here.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////////]
Preston 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Chun-Li
COMBATSYS: Chun-Li successfully hits Preston with Aggressive Strike.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////////]
Preston 0/-------/----===|-------\-------\0 Chun-Li
What'd she just call him? It's a sound that's left ringing in his ears, as the large, man-like hand of the woman comes flying up for his face with a remarkable velocity. He's not expecting a girl with glasses to hit him; he's especially not expecting a Chinese girl who excels at math to hit him! Thus he's left standing there, the strike connecting with enough force to snap the neck of a lesser man, if not decapitate a small boy.
Head wrenching to one side, the burly Brit takes a step or three back and to the left, a sour grunt tearing from his lungs at the sudden pain. Already his face shines red, the print of her palm plain on his tanned complexion.
"Oh bloody hell, you are a fuckin' man, aren't you? Ain't no fuckin' girls slappin' that hard," he grouses, straightening his head, free hand rubbing at his jaw. The hand goes into his mouth a moment later, counting teeth by touch.
The hand withdraws swiftly, a trail of saliva and blood coming with it. The oar starts gaining height, shimmied higher into the air. "Fuckin' loosened one of my molars. Well if you're a fuckin' shemale, or a tranny, or whatever you are, then I ain't got no fuckin' problem with a little rough and tumble."
The oar reaches its climax, and it comes swinging down with a whoosh. The blade held to cut the air, it aims to crown Chun-Li king of the dorks.
COMBATSYS: Preston successfully hits Chun-Li with Power Strike.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////////// ]
Preston 0/-------/----===|==-----\-------\0 Chun-Li
Chun-Li does not especially savor the idea of corporal punishment.
SOME TIME AGO
Chun-Li is in China, training under her cruel master, Gen, in the ways of beating people so badly that they forget they'e human beings and mistake themselves for some sort of bizarre flower.
Right now, she's training by throwing kicks at a heavy bag that is, in fact, so heavy that it doesn't even wobble when she strikes it. The only consolation is that it's full of sand. After the six hundredth blow, Chun-Li hunches forward.
"Master... can I... can... can I take... just one small break..."
Gen considers this, stroking his beard. "All right, Chun-Li. Take a break. For your break..."
And then Gen kicks her right in the head. "...YOU shall be the bag! Remain motionless!"
NOW
Still, there's some hope in Chun-Li's head that a good, hard slap will bring this jerk to his senses. That's why she doesn't really expect it when an oar slashes through the air and cracks her right on the top of her head, causing her to topple to the ground. "Ah--!"
Rubbing her skull and climbing to her feet, Chun-Li instinctively lets her body relax into a combat-ready stance, legs tense, hands flattened out, ready to block -- or strike.
"Even if I /was/ a transsexual," Chun-Li says, rushing forward to grab Preston around his shoulders and lift a knee into his stomach with the force of an out-of-control BMW, "/that would qualify as a hate crime!/"
COMBATSYS: Preston blocks Chun-Li's Strong Kick.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////////// ]
Preston 0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0 Chun-Li
The flashback is a lot like that time when...
SOME TIME AGO
Preston finds that his back has been broken by his father.
NOW
Alright maybe not. In any event, when the girl comes back up in a fighting stance, it draws a heavy snort from the young man, the Brit clearly not expecting much from this lightweight. But when the knee comes flying up, he's barely able to squeeze one of his meaty arms into the path.
Still, it strikes enough for the kneecap to dig in and hit him right on the bone, so with a shove it's left to the mountain of muscle to wave his arm, whipping off the pain. "Ahh, hate crimes, fightin', I'm right back where I was a pregnancy ago," he means nine months have gone by since last he did this, clearly. Clearly! A heavy snort leaves his nose.
"Don't think me too bad, luv! You're just gettin' what you deserve for bein' a brownnoser!" he roars the words as his head rears back.
And like a bull, he brings his big, potentially balding forehead down like a bull aiming to deliver the horns! And should Chun-Li be unfortunate enough to receive Preston's massive melon against her clavicle, he'll follow it up with a fisting the likes of which she's rarely seen, with a ripping uppercut seeking to clear the flesh from his horns!
COMBATSYS: Chun-Li blocks Preston's Bull of Barney.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////// ]
Preston 0/-------/------=|====---\-------\0 Chun-Li
Chun-Li knows full well how much pressure it takes to break the human clavicle (answer: not much). She also knows that having her collarbone broken makes fighting /extremely inconvenient/. Thus, her hands swing up to clap at the sides of Preston's head -- not to attack him, but to minimize the impact of his skull into her body. It's like catching a medicine ball -- sure, you caught it, but it still hurts like a bitch.
Letting go of Preston's head roughly and snapping herself backwards to gain a little room to play around in, Chun-Li doesn't snort, or sneer, or really do anything that one might expect from a more /uncouth/ fighter with a name like Breston, or possibly Pretson. Instead, she maintains a steely glare of concentration. Sure, she's angry, but that's no reason to bring her anger /into a fight/.
"Academic competence is /not/ brownnosing!" the Chinese fighter states, as if she were a schoolmarm delivering a lecture. Which she more or less is. "It's a means of bettering oneself and expanding one's options in life! Kiii-YAAAH!"
The last bit there is Chun-Li once more launching forward, one leg swinging up and moving too fast to even see properly, with the aim of kicking Preston in the head and body roughly eleventy billion times in the space of a few seconds.
COMBATSYS: Preston endures Chun-Li's Hyakuretsu Kyaku.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////// ]
Preston 0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0 Chun-Li
Breston?! He HATES that guy!
Head caught and full impact prevented results in an exhale of annoyance from the Brit, like a bull snorting in annoyance as the matador once more pulls that red sheet out of the way. It just wants a red sheet for its bed, why the fuck won't you let it have it, matador?!
"Ahh don't give me that," Preston replies, right amidst that Kiiii-YAAAH! and promptly decides to hold his ground. It's a decision he regrets about two kicks into it, although it's no walk in the park for Chun-Li either. His physique is ridiculous; it's like kicking a brick wall. Luckily, the Strongest Woman in the World has plenty of practice kicking cars to pieces, and practicing parry blocks on basketballs thrown by a negro.
Still, he seems to be doing the impossible -- inching forward, into her kicks. "I'm fuckin' smart as fuck, but you don't see me liftin' my hand to answer any questions, ya silly twat!"
The last is delivered as he thrusts his bulk forward, aiming to catch that moment where her latest kick stops and before the next can descend. His goal is simple. Envelope Chun-Li's head with his smelly, stinky, sweaty underarm, as he scythes across her torso with a thunderous clothesline, seeking to send the girl flying for the nearest tree, where Charlie belongs!
COMBATSYS: Chun-Li fails to interrupt Running Rigging from Preston with Tenshou Kyaku.
- Power fail! -
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////// ]
Preston 1/-------/=======|======-\-------\0 Chun-Li
Chun-Li has kicked harder bodies before, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. The World's Strongest Woman or whatever finds herself on the wrong end of Preston's endurance, though, as he soars forward gracelessly and brutally.
Ordinarily, Chun-Li would be fine with this, but come on, this kid is some jerk from some school for rich kids. He can't be /that/ good -- unless he's --
'Shadaloo!' Chun-Li thinks as she swings her leg up to try and sock Preston in the jaw with it. Unfortunately, her realization delayed her by like a picosecond or some bullshit measurement of time like that, and what ends up /really/ happening (like the third ending of the Clue movie) is that her leg swings up and Preston manages to clothesline the inside of her knee.
This slams her down to the ground violently and crumples her spine like a wad of paper.
It's /embarrassing/.
Whatever the origins of the Ancient Maritime Arts, it seems that the underestimation of Preston's worth is costing the old hag. The impact proves brutal, and he's left standing over her. It's at that moment that the boy becomes aware that a crowd has gathered to watch them fight.
Does he kick a girl when she's down?
Outside of an official match, and with no real need to stomp his presence back across the schoolyard, he instead hunkers down near the fallen girl with the oar resting across his shapely thighs. "Look luv, do yerself a favor and don't get up for a few minutes, yeah?" he says, one hand fumbling at his chest pocket.
The packet of cigarettes is withdrawn, and offered back down to her. It seems that Preston thinks she's had enough! Boy is her disguise convincing!
COMBATSYS: Preston takes no action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////// ]
Preston 1/-------/=======|======-\-------\0 Chun-Li
Chun-Li is down, and Preston is offering her cigarettes. She, too, is aware of the crowd. But the thing is, if this guy /is/ Shadaloo, then that means that /other/ Shadaloo will be watching in the crowd. And they'll be wanting to see their boy win, right?
But if they see him /lose/, then /they'll/ come to /her/, and really it turns out that this sort of thing is /exactly how it works in movies from 1987-1991/.
Which is why, when Preston sort of halfway offers her clemency, Chun-Li's response is to tense back up and shove off of the ground. She doesn't do so in the typical 'getting up like a normal human being' manner, though -- she swings her body upward so that her legs are in the air, doing an upside-down split and violently rotating her body to try and catch Preston in a tornado of uncalled-for violence, complete with the dead giveaway:
"SPINNING -- BIRD -- KICK!"
COMBATSYS: Chun-Li successfully hits Preston with Spinning Bird Kick.
- Power hit! -
[ \\\\\\\ < > ///////////////// ]
Preston 1/-======/=======|=======\-------\1 Chun-Li
So one moment he's offering cigarettes, and the next he's man getting hit in groin with football. "Fook me!" comes the cry, as the burly Brit is caught up in the maelstrom of violence, cast up into the air by the spinning bird kick of pain. Volleyed up with the last few twists, he's only got one way left in him; down.
Hitting hard across the top of his back, he grunts, eyes bolting open as his oar clatters to the ground next to him. That giant hand seizes it, and he's pulling that giant frame of his back upright with far too much speed for anyone's liking. The quick recovery fuelled by little more than pain, piss and vinegar, he gives the girl the ol' stink-eye, hoping to give her the stink-finger in a moment.
"Oooh, you're one of those fuckin' Chinese knockoffs, ain't you? Like that bitch Sakura cross town, yeah? Well I ain't gonna show you my Bang, and I ain't got no fuckin' hadouuuuuken, but how about I show you my WHAM instead?!"
Calling out for the George Michael discharge, the Brit brings that oar in swinging as he makes the slight leap forward needed to land right next to Chun-Li. Swinging right through, he threatens to follow-through with the effort he's putting in, the blade cutting the air until he snaps it wide just prior to where he predicts impact.
His goal? Simple. Send Chun-Li out to sea! And this is well named for a transsexual!
COMBATSYS: Preston successfully hits Chun-Li with Man Overboard!.
[ \\\\\\\ < > /////////// ]
Preston 0/-------/----===|=======\===----\1 Chun-Li
"Chinese /knock-offs/--?!" Chun-Li can barely reply before she is indeed knocked out to sea.
TWO DAYS LATER
A bus pulls up to outside the Pacific High campus. Xiang Chun-Li, still a bit damp and clammy all over from her swim back to shore, gets off, and with a cute little storm cloud raging above her head, ransacks the place until she happens to find Preston in the exact same spot that they were fighting two days ago.
At which point she just runs at him full-bore and unloads.
First, with about a billion kicks to the head and chest -- then a kick to knock him into the air -- then, surging upward, another Spinning Bird Kick, so fast and so strong that blue chi ignites around her legs. All the while, screaming -- seemingly in slow motion, because the whole devastating process takes about four seconds, max --
"HOOOUUUSSSEEENNNKAAA!"
COMBATSYS: Chun-Li successfully hits Preston with Housenka EX.
[ < > //////////// ]
Preston 1/---====/=======|-------\-------\0 Chun-Li
Sitting in the cafeteria, Preston Alistair Wellington the II spares a thought as he lifts a McRib up to his massive mouth. He spares a thought, and he chuckles, at the thought of what happened 48 hours prior, when he knocked that new girl out to sea. "Butchered her like a hog," he laughs, hand pounding the cafeteria table.
As his eyes open so he can wipe away a tear, he sees a familiar girl running right at him.
"Oh--"
Five seconds later, there's no longer a table there, and there's a sandwich flipping gracefully back down from the ceiling. There's also a rather large hole in the wall, and the athletics field has received a brand new ditch right across the running track. At the far end of it, lying out in the grass, is the smouldering corpse previously known as Preston.
His mouth opens, a death rattle of smoke escaping his lungs.
"--fuck me, I shouldn't have bummed a fag," he grouses.
COMBATSYS: Preston takes no action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Chun-Li 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Preston can no longer fight.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Chun-Li 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Chun-Li has ended the fight here.
Log created on 08:42:19 06/30/2010 by Preston, and last modified on 12:13:20 06/30/2010.