Description: A truly epic battle of mammoth proportions. In order to defend the name of Glorious Mother Russia, the RED CYCLONE travels directly to Thailand, there to throw down the gauntlet of battle to Adon, who had dared to insinuate that Zangief is anything less than a brave fighter! When such challenges are made, nothing- not even the common laws of human decency- can prevent retribution being taken! Thrills! Spills! Who will emerge triumphant from ... THE RUUUUUUUUUMBLE IN THE REEEEESTROOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!?!!!
"HAI! HAI! HAAAAAI!"
The chant from the outdoor school of Muay Thai was constant, steady, and forceful. Twelve and twenty students of Muay Thai sparred in the broad, open field, set in the depths of the Thailand jungle. It was sweltering, and it was tiring. But the 32 warriors had a reason to spar. There was to be a small tournament for the school, and it was to be overseen by none other but the greatest (according to revisionist history) Muay Thai master in the world. Adon.
But where was the Emperor himself?
"MARMADUKE! Your HILARIOUS ANTICS with your MASTER'S LAP amuses the EMPEROR of MUAY THAI!" Was the cry from the depths of the small outhouse a short distance away from the outdoor arena. The small cadre of Muay Thai students glanced awkwardly at the building, stopping their sparring. There is a long, awkward silence, the students slowly moving towards the outhouse, curious at what else would emerge from the depths of the toilet. And then, their curiousity was answered, to their horror.
"If only you CROSSED OVER into the WORLD of FAMILY CIRCUS! The HIJINX that would OCCUR when you ATE BILLY would BRING LAUGHTER to ALL!"
There are some challenges which cannot be allowed to go unchallenged.
It had taken Zangief some time to return from his training in Siberia, and discover the challenge thrown down by Adon. It had taken him longer to find out where Thailand is, and even longer still to chart a helicopter, and to make sure he was ready to make his dramatic entrance.
But what an entrance it shall be.
The helicopter arrives overhead, hovering just above the school of Muay Thai, and Zangief stands at the open door. Draped in a large red cloak, and little aside his red shorts and HUGE boots, which would soon be serving him well.
"AAAAAAAAAAAADOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!" The Red Cyclone roars, needing no loudspeaker to be /clearly/ audible, even over the sound of the helicopter, and the students training below, "YOU AND YOUR STUDENTS HAD BETTER RUN, COMRADE! BECAUSE I AM HERE TO ANSWER YOU, AND--"
In a single leap of enormous proportions, Zangief ploughs through the roof of the building below, jumping down with enough force to just punch right the way through in a shower of tiles and wood and a huge dustcloud, before he finishes his roaring, furious proclamation.
"NOTHING STOPS THE RED CYCLONE!"
The roar of the helicopter was the warning. The students look up, and point at the great Russian who held himself high above them. The majestic bear man, of course, was well part of Thai legend. They knew what his arrival from the heavens meant.
Ass-kicking.
They all scream and flee, running off into the jungle, leaving Adon to his fate. And what of Adon? He looks up, putting the newspaper down to his side. "What? Who is that? WHO is SPEAKING to the EMPEROR of MUAY THAI?" Wiping himself clean with the agility only befitting the true master of Muay Thai, he doesn't have a chance to replace his clothing and spot the incoming Russian as he explodes through the cieling. Still sitting upon the hole, The Emperor of Muay Thai, as such, did only what a noble of his standing could do.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Adon screams, crumpling up the newpaper into a tightly-wound club. "AAAAAAAAH! AAAAH! GET OUT! BY THE DECREE OF THE EMPEROR OF MUAY THAI, GET OUT!" Standing up, it becomes apparent that while Adon claimed himself to be a Jaguar, it was clear that he was more of a house cat... if you know what I mean. Of course, Adon was more focused on the giant caped mass of muscle that appeared in his bathroom. It was just like that horrible dream he had, the one where Sagat appears, with rose petals littered around him, and how he embraces the Emperor and.
*sob*
Tears were welling up in the corners of Adon's eyes as he frantically swatted the newspaper around, attempting to drive Zangief back as he pulled his boxers up. "GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEET OUT!!!!!!" He just continued screaming, aiming the tip of the newspaper at the one point on Zangief's body that might stop him cold.
His nose.
COMBATSYS: Adon has started a fight here.
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Adon 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Zangief has joined the fight here.
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Adon 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Zangief
COMBATSYS: Zangief endures Adon's Small Random Weapon.
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Adon 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Zangief
*crump*
That is the sound of a newspaper being driven directly into Zangief's nose. For a moment, the Red Cyclone's eyes cross, and then, there is a low growl of annoyance, which builds in the back of his throat, and just seems to grow. He's no Tiger. No, if there is any animal which Zangief is likely to bring to mind, it is a bear.
A very angry bear.
Which has smashed into your bathroom.
And which you just poked in the face.
In a sudden lunging motion, Zangief is coming forwards. His entire body seems to swell up to take up more room, blocking out the light as he aims to just engulf Adon in a tight grip of hair and muscle, if he can snatch the Emperor of Muay Thai up...
What will happen next is a terrifying display of prowess for which the Red Cyclone is well known. He'll simply lift Adon up, turn him around...
And LEAP into the air, spinning around madly, crashing into and through the walls, sending decorations shattering and the whole building shaking...
Before /JAMMING/ Adon's head into the toilet with all his might, aiming to just... crash him into and through the floor.
COMBATSYS: Zangief successfully hits Adon with Screw Piledriver.
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Adon 0/-------/--=====|==-----\-------\0 Zangief
There is a moment of insight. A brief, tiny moment of insight. It occurs as Adon pulls his boxers up; as Adon's weapon of choice lands squarely upon the nose of the great bear man. The panic wore off, and was suddenly replaced by horror. This was Zangief. He just smacked Zangief in the nose with a newspaper.
And now, his arms were spreading wide apart.
Adon attempts to wrench himself free. He attempted to run. He attempted EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that would keep him alive. But that was moot. He felt his face slap hard between the legs of the great wrestler, and his body upside down. He tried to scream, but no sound could erupt from the depth of Zangief's loins. And then, with the entire exterior of the outhouse falling asunder, the Emperor of Muay Thai is stuffed deep into the depths of the outhouse pit.
There is a crash.
There is a splash.
And then there is silence.
And finally, there is a scream.
"RAAAAGHAAAAHGH! IDIO-FOOL-MONST-RAAAAGH!" A blend of red-faced and foul-smelling brown explodes from the depths of the outhouse, rising high in the the air. Orange somehow erupted around the figure. Somehow. The abomination of a king was now covered in what was hopefully mud. But the smell was the horrible part. That, and the look of unbridled rage that was over Adon's face. His eyes were literally bloodshot, his teeth gritted. As he dropped back down towards earth, he wound back his energy-burning leg. And aiming it right between the eyes of the wrestler, he slams it down... with some of that 'mud' falling right for the man.
"JAAAAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG-GAG-GAG-GAG-"
"KEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!"
COMBATSYS: Adon successfully hits Zangief with Jaguar Kick.
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Adon 0/-------/-======|====---\-------\0 Zangief
Zangief roars his fury as he recovers from the aftermath of the blow. Only to feel his head snap back as Adon's leg slams into his forehead. As massively muscled as he is, the force of the blow still sends him back a few steps, having failed utterly in his attempt to turn the force of the blow aside, he instead rolls his shoulders back, stretching his arms wide out.
If there was one thing that no man could ever claim Zangief is, it is squeamish.
This is demonstrated most impressively by the fact that he doesn't aim to press his assault on the Emperor in any way which would lessen his own chances of getting covered in the disgusting mud, nor does he make any effort to take the fight outside. No. Adon was right where he wanted him to be!
In another lunge, Zangief's arms are aiming to wrap around the Emperor, and squeeze him tight to his body. The awesome red cloak the Red Cyclone had adorned himself with, makes this look like something out of some madman's interpretation of the classic Dracula moment, should that initial squeeze hit...
As Zangief simply rips and tears at Adon's neck with his teeth, uncaring for the disgusting smell or the horrible taste. No, Adon had called him a coward! HIM! THE RED CYCLONE!
The pride of MOTHER RUSSIA is on the line!
COMBATSYS: Zangief successfully hits Adon with Kamitsuki.
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Adon 1/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0 Zangief
Adon rebounds off the great wrestler, and does not have time to even think before the great wrestler lunges in, and... BITES HIM. Gnaws on him like some horrible Soviet Beaver. Adon growls, caught in his grips, simply struggles. He realized he was covered in poop. ANd for what? WHY WAS THIS RUSSIAN APPEARING OUT OF NOWHERE, BITING HIM!
"WHY? Why do you COME to PESTER I, the EMPEROR of MUAY THAI?! Do you NOT UNDERSTAND I was CONTEMPLATING MARMADUKE?" And then, he does the unspeakable. The unthinkable. The Abominal. With what has been quite literally a shit-eating grin, the Emperor glares upon the Russian wrestler. And then, as he pushed hard against the grips of the man-bear-pig, he unleashed the most offensive phrase ever likely to grace the delicate virgin ears of the great patriot. "Perhaps I ought to treat MOTHER RUSSIA as I treat ALL MY LADIES!"
"With ABUSIVE INTERCOURSE!"
And like that, Adon attempts to grapple the man, using his very words the throw him off guard. Still dripping with fecal matter, he would reverse the grab, snagging him by his ribs. If successful, Adon would drive his knee hard into his well-toned abs. After which, he would simply twist him to the ground, and stand above him, gloating.
And insulting Mother Russia.
COMBATSYS: Zangief fails to interrupt Jaguar Slam from Adon with Banishing Flat.
-+- CALCULATED HIT -+-
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Adon 1/-----==/=======|=======\-------\0 Zangief
Take note children: Zangief does not condone abuse of women or minors!
"I WILL BREAK YOU!"
That, really, is Zangief's response to Adon's proclamation. No detailed explanation, yet. He's too enraged. Too furious with the man who DARED to call him a coward, even if it wasn't directly. Too enraged at the hideous activities that this man claimed to do on a regular basis. Beating women. Beating Russia. CONTEMPLATING MARMADUKE!
What actually happens, though, is that the huge Russian plays into Adon's hands. He twists, one hand burning with bright green power, intending to backhand Adon right in the mouth for -daring- to even suggest that he might lay a finger on Zangief's precious homeland. Instead, what actually happens, is that he winds up twisting...
And carrying right on. The momentum of the blow swept up and carried on as he feels Adon knock the breath right out of him.
The fact that his response to Adon's gloating is to -SMASH- his hand through what remained of the floorboards of the place, and already begin to charge forwards again, might just indicate that he's not going to take that laying down, though.
Adon's horrible insults make sense when you are a douchebag. Clearly, when confronted by an angry Russian, the smartest thing to do is to make him even more furious. Because, you see, there must be a terminal point in Zangief's anger. And once he reaches that point, it will be smooth sailing.
This is the logic of KINGS.
"UAAAAAA HAAA HAAA HAA HAAAAA!" The Emperor cackles, wiping the filth from his oily body. "You can NEVER BREAK the EMPEROR of MUAY THAI, STRANGE BEAR MAN! You are like the SOVIET UNION! A FAILURE! A BROKEN FAILURE! Now, because of you have ANGERED my ACT of EXCREMENT, it is time to be PUNISHED most FITTINGLY!"
And with that, Adon leaps through the air.
"JAGGA KEEK!" Was the cry as he slammed his heel down towards the giant. And with that impact, he would have flipped through the air again. From there, another chi-laced heel drop would be unleashed. And another. And another. Adon would simply unleash the chain of JAGGA KEEKS until he knocked Zangief...
Right into the very hole that Adon came from.
That is right.
In the A-Hole.
COMBATSYS: Zangief endures Adon's Jaguar Revolver.
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Adon 0/-------/------=|=======\==-----\1 Zangief
Zangief is furious. There's just not enough words in the english language to explain the sheer depths of his rage and fury.
The Russians have a word for it, it is: Giefki. The act of insulting Glorious Mother Russia to Comrade Zangief when coupling it with enough punishment to actually attract his attention.
It is not a word that is used towards the same person twice very often.
Blow after blow rains down on Zangief. Rage and fury pushes him on to greater heights, Kick after kick slams into the heavily muscled colossus, but, more terrifying than anything else is the way that... he's getting up. Through it all, sheer brute -STRENGTH- forces his legs up. He's kicked, and kicked, and kicked, but it just seems to make him angrier, and angrier. He's slow, compared to Adon. There's no doubt about that, but, with the unstoppable force more commonly associated with the movement of continents, the Russian rises.
Like the glorious Soviet Union would do once more!
From the mighty Russian shoulders to the rippling power of his frame, the mighty man reaches out, arms like tree trunks refusing to be dissuaded from their course, aiming to just grip Adon tightly around the shoulders...
COMBATSYS: Adon blocks Zangief's Final Atomic Buster.
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Adon 0/-------/----===|=------\-------\0 Zangief
The fact that Zangief endures the assault means only one thing: trouble. Absolute trouble. So much trouble, that Adon was grateful he still smelled like the foulest outhouse creature in the world. And as the last kick piles hard, he is immediately snatched up. He looks Zangief in the eye, and he knows what he sees. It is but a single word:
Giefki.
But a transformation happens. Adon's body turns into steel, tensing up and hardening in ways that only Yurika could imagine. Adon was flexing madly, holding firm in the grips of the great man. He stomps, he stumbles, but he does not allow himself to be taken away by the great Russian. The Red Cyclone almost takes him up, almost takes him... but then, with a great thunder, the Emperor shakes the monster's hands off. Great bruises are boiled up on his shoulders, leaving the Emperor to only say:
"I'm alive? I mean-"
"I, ADON, the EMPEROR of MUAY THAI, has SURVIVED your PITIFUL ATTEMPT at BRINGING THE PAIN!" Adon moves gingerly, slowly as sweat built across his forehead, letting the terrible matter roll off his body. His body was still untensing, weakening him further. He was becoming exhausted. But Zangief wasn't slowing down. He gathered in Muay Thai wisdom, and knew exactly how to stop a man like Zangief. Drawing up his guard, he takes a short hop forward, winding back his right leg. And with a sudden jerk, he hurls it upwards...
...To kick him in the groin.
COMBATSYS: Zangief fails to interrupt Strong Kick from Adon with Roundhouse Kick.
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Adon 0/-------/----===|==-----\-------\0 Zangief
For a moment, the pair are a tableau.
Zangief is not used to being matched, even temporarily. For that, Adon has his respect. At least, for a moment. Unfortunately, as quickly as it is gained, it is lost. Not just because of the continual insults thrown against Russia, but also because Adon's leg is coming back, and Zangief has been in enough fights to know precisely where it is heading.
Time slows down.
"IIIIIIIIIIIII WIIIILLLLL BRREEEEEEEEEAKK YOOOOOOOOOOO--HHHHHHHNGHHK!"
One massive leg had just started to come up and around. More than enough force in the blow to simply plough through most lesser attacks. But, Adon's attack is just too fast. Operating on an entirely different level of 'slow motion' action, it finds its mark, and the large man's eyes bulge, teeth bared in a furious snarl.
Adon was terrified.
That was the truth. He was terrified from the very beginning. Zangief is a wild man, a world warrior, and very unpredictable. He had ruined Adon's toilet time, and the humiliation would probably last throughout his entire life. The groin shot managed to stun him, but... it didn't stop him. No, something worse was happening.
Zangief was only becoming more angry.
Adon staggers back. Breaking Adon was something Sagat would threaten. And Zangief was only becoming more unstable. The Emperor stares down the madman, and something overtakes him. Pride. And suddenly, a horrible glint appeared in the man's eyes. Eyeing Zangief carefully, he dropped his guard, and chuckled lightly to himself. "You are a FAILURE to MOTHER RUSSIA. Perhaps you leave your ADVENTURES in TRUE COMBAT to someone more DESERVING and TALENTED. Perhaps..." Adon rubbed his chin, looking away from Zangief for a moment, before turning back towards him, a wry smile coming over his face.
"... Haggar?"
COMBATSYS: Adon focuses on his next action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > /////// ]
Adon 0/-------/----===|==-----\-------\0 Zangief
Zangief draws himself up to his full height. Massive. Looming. The remains of his cloak are tattered and broken, and blood trickles from his lips. Red-faced and furious, his response is not to simply throw himself at Adon again. No. The shot about Haggar... that had brought him back to reality. Haggar is an amazing fighter! The best of the best! Zangief HATED him, but if there was one man who would be a worthy successor as the greatest wrestler in the world... it would be that man.
"Shut your mouth!" Zangief roars, specks of spittle coat his beard, and he slams his fist into his palm, before bringing his hands up, ready to grapple again.
"You are PATHETIC!" He bellows, shaking his head quickly, "You don't know what you are talking about! You. YOU DARE to insult glorious Mother Russia, and challenge ME! YOU CALL ME A COWARD? PATHETIC LITTLE MAN! Didn't you hear me?"
His eyes narrow.
"NOTHING! STOPS THE RED CYCLONE! I am going to break you in half! SO WASTE YOUR TIME TALKING IF YOU WANT, you'll have all the time in the world to do that after I break your legs!
COMBATSYS: Zangief gathers his will.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////// ]
Adon 0/-------/----===|======-\-------\0 Zangief
Zangief was working into a frenzy. This was it. Adon knew if he had any chance to put the beast down, this was it. All or nothing. Adon lowered himself down, his eyes flaring right into the depths of Zangief's. Spit covered his own filthy body as sweat rolled down off it. And finally, he roars out his own response.
"ENOUGH TALK!"
"JAAAAAGGA TOOOTH!!!"
The Emperor of Muay Thai leaps back, landing on a nearby tree. He kicks off hard, and lunges through the air, a single foot jutting out as he sails through the air. His heel was aiming for the heart of the red cyclone, bringing forth the full fury of Muay Thai. This was it. All or nothing.
It was time to see who was truly the greatest.
COMBATSYS: Zangief interrupts Jaguar Tooth from Adon with Banishing Flat.
[ \\\\\\\\\ < > ///// ]
Adon 0/-------/--=====|====---\-------\0 Zangief
And in that moment, Zangief comes forwards.
It's another impressive moment in a fight composed of powerful images. This time, however, the glowing green fist is coming around faster. This time, Zangief knows what Adon is doing. The knee strikes against Zangief's impressive back, the force of it causing yet another small bruise on a body that is already a road map of pain and injury.
The fist, however, ploughs on through, smashing against Adon's side, and sending him away. The Red Cyclone is not unscathed, he's definitely exerted himself far beyond what he was expecting from a man whom he had never really considered as anything other than a loudmouth braggart.
"I agree!" He rumbles, working some of the ache out of his shoulders. "No more talk. Dosvedenya, Comrade."
"Ja- GAAAH!?!!?"
Like a dog who just found the end of his chain, Adon yelps as Zangief rips his palm over him. The Emperor breaks into a tumble, reeling from the strike. His own attack made contact, but Zangief was a human truck, unbreakable. Unstoppable.
And a bit fuel inefficient.
"RRARGH!" The Emperor cried, fuming as he staggered up. The last attack had open abrasions across his body, as well as left another nasty bruise. Wait, abrasion? Hopefully Adon won't catch some horrible disease. Well, another horrible disease. Yeah, Thai beauties can cause a few long term problems, it is true. In any case, Adon was rushing right back towards Zangief, picking up speed... before stopping short and ducking down, swinging his leg around in an attempt to sweep Zangief right off his feet.
Wiithout the romance.
COMBATSYS: Zangief endures Adon's Quick Throw.
[ \\\\\\\\\ < > /// ]
Adon 0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0 Zangief
Zangief narrows his eyes as Adon comes at him again. Say what you like about the little runt, he was fast. However. There is one problem with just sweeping him off his feet...
And that is that when facing a master of throwing, like Zangief, the momentum that he gathers hitting the floor, can be used to roll up, around, and come in again.
"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU INSULT MOTHER RUSSIA!"
The bellowing roar seems to give the Red Cyclone the extra burst of determination that he needs, literally springing up, where he gets the burst of strength in his knees is a mystery, powered perhaps purely by that fanatical love of his country, and the determination to see justice done to the loudmouth who had insulted it so easily.
His hands come forward, and he aims to snare Adon around the stomach, and press his (slightly crazed) features right into the Emperor of Muay Thai's own. It was time to finish this, and to do that, he would use the same move that he had used to introduce himself!
"ORRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
And with that, he hopes to spring into the air, spinning around in another arc, less tight, this time, less control, and more brute determination behind it. The final intent?
To just JAM Adon's head back down the hole, with the last of Zangief's titanic strength put behind finishing it once and for all.
COMBATSYS: Zangief successfully hits Adon with Screw Piledriver.
[ \\\ < > // ]
Adon 1/------=/=======|======-\-------\0 Zangief
Wait.
Zangief is the master of grappling?
Uh oh.
Adon finds himself being scooped up by the great Zangief, and twirling in the air. Mother Russia. Uh oh. Adon struggles, trying to break free, but it was no use. He looked into the horrible eyes of the Red Cyclone, before being slammed right into the darkness. His legs stick right up from the outhouse pit, kicking a bit. They eventually stop struggling.
There is a gurgle.
And then there is silence.
COMBATSYS: Adon takes no action.
[ \\ <
Zangief 0/-------/-======|
COMBATSYS: Adon can no longer fight.
[ \\ <
Zangief 0/-------/-======|
Zangief pauses for a few moments. Taking some long, deep breaths to recover himself a bit. As much as he would like to pretend otherwise, the fight had been incredible. A truly amazing test of his abilities, and it was quite clear to him that Adon had not achieved his position within the Neo League through bluster alone! The pride of Russia steps out of the bathroom, draped in his rather... dirty cape, and a rope ladder from above is lowered. One hand curls around the bottom rung, and the helicopter takes off into the sky, Zangief in tow. A cameraman giving him the thumbsup. It had all been caught on camera!
The Next Day.
Mr. Zangief.
We are sorry to inform you that we have yet to receive any official confirmation of your entrance into the Neo League. Despite the contents of this video, we are not able to accept it, as you were not participating within the tournament at that time. We wish you the best of luck in the future, and urge you to remember that the Neo League offices are a protected site, and it would be possible that you may be banned from future participation should you decide to take your complaints beyond the realm of civilized correspondence.
-Jimmy Travers
-Neo League Official Spokesperson.
Somewhere in Russia, a cry of rage pierces the night...
The bears in Siberia begin to seriously consider migration.
COMBATSYS: Zangief has ended the fight here.
Log created on 17:18:24 08/13/2009 by Zangief, and last modified on 21:56:53 08/13/2009.