Description: CODY busts in on MASTERS STADIUM while HIGH AS A KITE on GLOW! JUBEI YAMADA is left with no choice but to DEFEAT him, for the GOOD OF MERCHANDISE.
MASTERS STADIUM (THIS TEXT WOULD BE IN RED IF ANSI EXISTED ON MUCK)
The grandest stadium in the world! Full of holo-images of Ken Masters himself-- most of the images featuring fox ears and a disturbingly... energetic treasure trail. Some might call it a treasure highway. Those prone to accuracy in their figures of speech would more likely call it a treasure autobahn. Why 75% of Ken Masters' holo-images are furries today is a mystery-- one that the valiant members of MASTERS STADIUM TECH SUPPORT (THIS WOULD ALSO BE RED) are hard at work solving.
And while JUBEI YAMADA, THE DEMON OF JUDO is not tech support, and indeed would probably just walk away in disgust if he saw the inside of a computer, has nothing to do with the furry idols, he is here in Masters Stadium enjoying the amusing shake-up in the decor. "Ha ha ha! Just like www.foxyken.tv!" he chortles, squinting up at the majestic, grinning hairy Ken Masters. "Who knew Ken Masters was such a freak, eh?" he asks, nudging the taller, younger woman next to him.
She glares down at him and walks away.
"Ah well. /Dames/," he mutters, shuffling off towards a souvenir stand. There's another tall, young, beautiful woman manning the store, and he puts on his most dazzling smile, peering myopically up at the woman's generous bust. "Excuse me, madam!" calls the diminutive martial artist. "Do you carry keychains with that image on them?"
She glares down at him and walks away, risking the loss of her job just to avoid talking to Jubei Yamada.
And then things got exciting.
The wall on the other side of the lobby suddenly explodes inwards, spraying chunks of concrete across the room. Even after the rubble comes to a halt, a thick cloud of concrete dust lingers around a very obvious hole in the wall. The unusually thin crowd in the lobby all stop cold, turning in startled terror towards the spectacle, praying that what comes next is the arrival of the Kool-Aid Man.
They're not that far off.
Cody Travers emerges from the hole in the wall, crushing the smallest chunks of concrete into even smaller chunks of concrete under his heavy, lumbering footsteps. His shirt has been torn off; underneath, his muscles are bulging and swollen. In some places, his veins are visible; this is mostly worrisome because in addition to being visible, they're bright fucking green.
The man slowly turns his head to survey the lobby. Despite how irregular his body looks, his face looks... pretty normal. Oh, sure, his eyes are glowing solid green, but he's not gibbering like a madman or anything. He actually looks pretty chill. But that doesn't stop him from throwing his head back and roaring, voice oddly modulated by the drugs in his system.
The fire alarm goes off. What crowd there is burst into motion all at once, screaming and running for the exits. Some head for the front door; others flee deeper into the stadium. A security guard tries to play the hero, and rushes the blonde with a nightstick; the weapon breaks cleanly in half when it strikes Cody's forehead.
Then he backhands the guard into a fire door so hard the door blows off of its frame, soaring into the small stairwell behind it. A second fire alarm goes off. Cody roars again. Dude fuckin' hates fire alarms.
COMBATSYS: Jubei has started a fight here.
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Jubei 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Cody has joined the fight here.
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Cody 0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0 Jubei
"By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth!" Jubei Yamada exclaims, turning to face the opposite wall in a shimmering cascade of gorgeous silver hair. He's already in a Judo ready stance, which looks kind of silly because he's basically doing a Frankenstein walk. "What is /that/?!"
That, of course, is DRUG POWERED CODY. Jubei gasps. "Gasp! A drug-addled rogue!" shouts the old master, watching incredulously as the convict's locks shatter hardened plastic. "Gadzooks... this just won't do!"
Advancing, he shakes out his sleeves and tries to get the measure of his opponent, shuffling left, shuffling right, zig-zagging towards Cody all the while. "Stand back, ladies... (and gentlemen I guess)... I'll handle this!" he cries.
A nearby woman scoffs. "Yeah, like a midget Andy Bogard impersonator is going to save us from /that/."
Jubei scowls. "Bitch," he mutters under his breath. "I'll show /her/." And with that, he snatches up a handfull of Ken Masters bobbleheads from a nearby display stand and /DASHES/ forward, still zigging and zagging, and launching the bobbleheads like ridiculous throwing stars. "I'M THE BEST! I'M SO HETERO!" claims each bobblehead as it scythes through the air towards Cody.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Jubei's Thrown Object.
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Cody 0/-------/----===|-------\-------\0 Jubei
Never let it be said that Jubei Yamada isn't good at drawing attention to himself... even if it's negative attention. His exclamations of intended heroism draw the hulked out Cody's gaze towards the little man, and about the same time Jubei starts crossing the lobby so too does the American. Unlike Jubei, Cody walks in a straight Goddamn line, like a regular person.
He doesn't break stride when Jubei starts throwing bobbleheads. Bubbling about how straight they are, tiny plastic Ken Masterssesesesssese shatter against the blonde's chest. They're only cheap plastic toys, but as always Jubei proves that size and price don't matter. The results are about the same as those other times, too; small purple bruises spread across Cody's flesh where the impromptu projectiles strike.
By the time the fifth one shatters against his chest, Cody is angry. It's one of two emotions he's capable of feeling right now; the other is Angry with a capital A. As the blonde passes a trashcan, he reaches out and digs his fingers into the side of the metal container. The metal crumples under his grip, and he lifts the entire thing above his head one-handed and flings it towards Jubei. It tumbles end over end through the air, spilling trash - mostly McMasters wrappers from the arena's McDonalds - all over the floor as it streaks across the lobby.
Cody still doesn't break stride.
COMBATSYS: Jubei auto-guards Cody's Large Thrown Object!
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Cody 0/-------/----===|-------\-------\0 Jubei
The totally straight bobbleheads do their terrible work, impacting upon Cody's engorged flesh like a herd of of angry mini-buffalo-- and the result is, predictably, a large angry mutant buffalo heading Jubei's way. He frowns, but does not stop moving; in a match like this, speed is his greatest asset.
Speed... and throwing. HE IS THE MASTER OF JUDO.
And so, when Cody hurls a garbage can at the old shorty, he leaps whirling into the air, latches on to the projectile and rides it down to the ground like a mechanical bull. "YEEEHAW!" he cries, in a horribly mangled Americal accent that only a Japanese man would think is passable. It sounds more like 'yiihauwu'. The can crashes to the ground and Jubei leaps off, skidding across the ground as he lands, arms out for balance.
"Not bad, large American man!" Jubei compliments. "But if you wish to engage in a battle of throwing... YOU HAVE CHALLENGED THE WRONG MAN!" And to accentuate this, as his skid comes to an end, he pulls his karate gi top apart and flexes astoundingly, revealing his ridiculous old man muscles in all their gleaming glory. "I AM JUBEI YAMADA, THE DEMON OF THROWING!"
"/ALLOW ME TO EDUCATE YOU?!/" he half-exclaims, half-demands. Either way, the little master darts across the floor like a rabid cheetah and is upon Cody in moments, Mega Man slide-kicking into the large man's legs and attempting to bring him down into a passable Future Figure Four.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Jubei's Improvised Throw.
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Cody 0/-------/---====|-------\-------\0 Jubei
Jubei Yamada slidekicks right the shit into Cody Travers's legs. The initial impact is solid, if largely unintended; there is a loud crack as one of Jubei's feet cracks into Cody's left shin, and the blonde sways slightly. Clearly, he will be easy pickings for the silver-haired man's masterfully performed leg lock! His legs entwine around Cody's...
... and... and...
Cody is apparently not terribly interested in falling down today. No matter how Jubei strains at the American's legs, he doesn't seem like he'll be going anywhere anytime soon. Slowly, he turns his eyes downwards past his unnaturally bulging pecs to the man trying to hump his legs or whatever the shit, brow furrowing.
Cody suddenly lifts his right leg, ripping it with a surprisingly (for him) great amount of effort out of Jubei's grip. He draws it up as far as it'll go and positions it casually over the prone old man's head, mouth spreading into a broad grin.
"Good lesson," he rumbles, voice distorted by the power of amazing green drugs.
Cody's foot slams downwards towards Jubei's precious skull. The stomp is almost as powerful as it is telegraphed.
COMBATSYS: Jubei blocks Cody's Heavy Kick.
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Cody 0/-------/--=====|==-----\-------\0 Jubei
"Come on you fucker /fall/," Jubei growls, struggling with the monster's foot. To no avail. "Oh god /damnit/," mutters the old master, as Cody speaks. He looks up, eyes widening, then swiftly uncoils from the large American man's legs, snatches up the fallen lid of the garbage can and vainly holds it up over his small body.
"Ughn!" he grunts, as the huge foot crushes the tin lid and slams the lid into his head and his head into the floor. It hurts, but it could have hurt a lot worse. After a split-second to recover, he rolls out from under Cody and back to his feet.
"Tough guy, eh..." he muses, sizing up the opponent once again, looking for weaknesses that just don't seem to be there. "Alright... well, the bigger they are, the harder they fall!" cries the intrepid instructor, leaping once more to the offense.
Jubei Yamada's feet hardly seem to touch the floor as he glides back over towards the behemoth, hands outstretched to grab at the man's belt or shirt-- whatever lets him get a handfull of Cody meat. "NIPPON SEIOI /DAAAAAAASH/!" he cries, attempting to sweep the leg and send Cody to the floor.
COMBATSYS: Cody interrupts Nihon Seoi Dash from Jubei with Crack Kick.
- Power hit! -
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Cody 0/-------/-======|====---\-------\0 Jubei
Cody scowls as Jubei slows his foot with the help of the garbage can lid. It's resourceful, he has to give the old man that; he would respect such a maneuver were he of a clearer mind. As it stands, all it does is bump the old man up from 'annoyance' to 'obstacle.' If he's lucky, he'll make it all the way to 'good time.'
The blonde slowly turns to face Jubei as he rolls away and rises to his feet. The man just may be right; while Cody is certainly an unfuckable wall of flesh, he doesn't appear to be terribly fast, and the old man's success is virtually assured as he rushes in, grabs Cody's bare chest, and sweeps the leg.
But he catches a Crack Kick to the face.
It turns out Cody is faster than he looked. Jubei's leg hooks around Cody's, and just as the Demon of THrowing applies the force that would topple Cody, he suddenly springs several feet into the air, spinning to the right. His leg comes up to his chest - an impressive feat given how his retardedly swoll muscles limit his flexibility - and pistons straight outwards, cracking into Jubei's mouth.
Cody lands on one foot... and then Jubei's maneuver becomes a problem. Wrenching himself out of the sweep like that did a number on his balance, and he comes down wrong on his left foot. The ankle bends weird, and the man topples over, the lobby floor cracking underneath him as he slams into it with a loud THUD.
Jubei's jaw gives a sickening crack as a foot as big as his head slams into it. The little man goes spinning impressively away before crashing into a magazine rack full of Playkens, the premiere racy Ken Masters photo mag. Available exclusively at Masters Stadium and participating retailers!
"Oogh..." groans the Demon of Throwing, putting a hand to his head as he gets back to his feet. "Eee... it's swelling up already...!" He turns, shaking dirty magazines and dust off his gi. "It would seem I am approaching this from the wrong angle..." muses the Judo master, running a thumb along his jaw. "Perhaps..."
Unfortunately, Judo is a martial art about throwing. And Jubei is the master of that martial art about throwing. And that's about all he's the master of. Throwing, for those of you at home who are slow. "Welp, no use crying over spilled blood!" he pronounces, before rushing back towards the massive drug-addled Cody.
"IPPON SEOI NAGEEEE!" he roars, leaping up towards Cody's face legs-first, aiming to grab the convict's head with his powerful little thighs and bring him crashing to the ground. "FAAAAALL!"
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Jubei's Ippon Seoi Nage.
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Cody 1/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0 Jubei
Cody is as quick to rise as he was slow to fall. By the time Jubei is charging back in, the blonde is already on his knees, and well on his way to being back on his feat. Screaming Jappo shit, the old man flings himself through the air, slamming waist-first into Cody's head and clutching it with his thighs. The impact causes the rising man to lose his balance again, and he topples over backwards, crashing once again into the ground in roughly the same spot as before. What were cracks in the floor become a small crater.
About half a second after Cody hits the ground with a small Japanese man on his face, he snarls and lifts his hands, slamming them into the ground at his sides. The force of the blows propel him to his feet, carrying Jubei with him. For a few heartbeats, Jubei gets a glance at Cody's bare back; it is, at ths point, covered in cuts from the cracking ground, and blood is streaming down the man's back in more than a few places. The blood is, as expected, green.
Observation Time is cut off when Cody reaches up and grabs ahold of Jubei's hips. The situation calls for nothing less than a move once taught to Cody by Mayor Mike Haggar; Cody takes a step forward, leaps into the air once again, and goes for the powerbomb.
COMBATSYS: Jubei dodges Cody's Strong Throw.
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Cody 1/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0 Jubei
A powerbomb?! Against the Demon of THROWING?!
"That green blood must be making you stupid as well as ugly!" Jubei Yamada shouts in defiance, twisting his nubile old hips /just so/ in the manner of an erotic dancer, and thus escaping the grip of Cody's big meaty manhands. As the American slams to the ground, Jubei is already using Cody's head as a stepping stone. He does a sweet backflip, then lands in front of the green machine in a three-point crouch.
"There's /something/ wrong with you, boy... but it's clear I won't be able to get you any help until..." he rises, hands snaking back up into that ridiculous Judo pose, "... I /put you down/!"
At this point Jubei basically flips the fuck out, Yoda style. Flipping and spinning and all that shit, he mounts Cody like a bucking bronco and swings down around his neck, using the power of MATH to employ the big man's mass as a lever against the fulcrum of Jubei's surprisingly strong shoulders. "TOMOE! NAGE!"
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Jubei's Tomoe Nage.
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Cody 1/----===/=======|=======\-------\0 Jubei
Cody, as it turns out, makes a pretty good lever. He struggles to track the small flipping man, and is halfway through turning around in a complete circle when Jubei flips him right the shit over his tiny old man body. The American crashes headfirst into the ground, filling the air with a sickening crack as his skull is dealt almost as much damage as the floor underneath it.
Immediately, a pool of bright green blood begins to form underneath Cody's head, and for almost a full second he lingers in the pose of 'totally flipped back-of-the-headfirst into the ground.' It's the first blow that seems to have given Cody significant pause.
Significant is, of course, relative. As soon as that second is up Cody suddenly curls into a ball, rolling only a few inches backwards as he 'rolls' into an upright position. In the same motion, he rises, swinging one of his hands upwards towards Jubei's gut as he rises from the ground in one smooth movement. As he throws the blow, he twists his forearm suddenly to the right.
As the uppercut reaches full extension, an eight-foot-tall whirlwind laced with green chi sudddenly erupts into being just in front of Cody, threatening to engulf Jubei and fling him across the room unless the old man gets the hell out of dodge.
COMBATSYS: Jubei dodges Cody's Criminal Upper.
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Cody 1/-----==/=======|=======\-------\0 Jubei
Get the hell out of dodge is exactly what the old man does. "Woah!" cries Jubei, doing an awesome series of back handsprings before landing in a ready stance some ways across the room. "I wasn't expcting a twister! A Frankensteiner-- maybe! But not a tornado!"
The Demon of Throwing, however, is far from intimidated. "I've fought bigger and uglier beasts than you, kid... and most of them didn't have the excuse of crazy-ass green goop in their brains!" pronounces the Judo Master. He flicks a hand towards Cody, then moves back into the fray.
"Looks like it's going to take some doing to break this stallion," he mutters, hands circling in the air as he approaches the enormous convice. Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off... he giggles inwardly, because that always makes him think of that think he does while watching aerobics videos.
"Now then... let's see if we can't get you down for the count... and get that green shit out of your body...!" grits Jubei, jumping forward all at once and aiming to essentially deliver a flying clothesline to Cody. "HI HO SILVER... AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" he cries, no doubt imagining this to be much hipper and cooler-sounding than it could ever be.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Jubei's Strong Throw.
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Cody 1/--=====/=======|=======\-------\0 Jubei
As the whirlwind fades, a snarling Cody lowers his hand, dropping it back to his side. This is proving far less enjoyable than he'd hoped; what fun is fighting if you can barely land a hit? This little guy is awfully spry for an old man... but Cody thinks he knows just the thing to solve this little problem. He spits a mouthful of spit and green blood onto the floor at his feet and starts a quick stride across the lobby floor towards the Demon of Throwing, a grin spreading across his face.
The American meets the old man at about the halfway point, striding straight into Jubei's leap. He bares his chest to the blow; there's another crack upon impact, as some of his ribs crack, but he doesn't do anything more than sway backwards. Before Jubei even has time to come back into gravity's sweet embrace, Cody's hand snaps up, grabbing ahold of the front of his shirt and holding him in the air. "Green shit..." he parrots the Demon of Throwing. His grin widens, and he throws his head back and laughs like a maniac. Aren't drugs great?
Green light flashes at Cody's feet, and for a split second he seems in sharper focus than the rest of the lobby. Also: there are action lines. Like, all over the place. When everything snaps back into focus, Cody suddenly rips his hand away from Jubei's shirt, arm trailing hazy, translucent green afterimages. Once again, before gravity can even kick in, Cody's leg slams upwards for the old man's stomach. It, too, trails afterimages.
What follows is a flurry of blurred kicks that would put Dragonball Z to shame. Given his size and displayed sluggishness until now, the speed at which he moves is astounding, and he strikes with such force that after the first few kicks, the force of the blows is such that they lift him a foot or so at a time into the air. This happens even should Jubei slip away from the assault... though it looks a little bit retarded without the whole 'kicking someone apart' thing.
COMBATSYS: Jubei endures Cody's Dead End Irony!
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Cody 0/-------/---====|=======\=====--\1 Jubei
"Yeah-- gurk!-- green shit!" Jubei croaks, twisting against Cody big meat man hands. "Geroff!" he cries, trying in vain to free himself before the apocalypse strikes.
Unfortunately this is clearly not going to happen. So, instead, Jubei Yamada goes to his happy place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jubei Yamada sits in a hot tub on a beach somewhere in the tropics. There are palm trees! And also some monkeys and turtles. But most importantly, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. The old master opens his eyes and smiles. "Well /hello/ ladies!"
A group of five bikini-clad babes jump into the hot tub with Jubei Yamada and pull out SOFT PILLOWS, with which they start a PILLOW FIGHT, buffeting the Demon of Throwing with feathery down and also big perky bazongas.
Jubei Yamada laughs uproariously, because this is the best time of his life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE REAL WORLD, Jubei Yamada is pummeled like a sack of meat and flung away like a used hooker. He slams into a wall, coughing and vomiting blood everywhere and... laughing? "Ha ha ha! Oh Monica, you /minx/!" he grates, slowly coming back to consciousness.
Jubei looks down at his battered body and groans. "Ugh... I should have stayed in my happy place," he mutters, sighing and slowly levering himself back to his feet. "That... looks like it sucked." He blows out a long breath and shakes it off, then drops back into JUDO POSE.
"Time to end this, boy," he growls, dashing forward once again. Behind him, the ACTION LINES are replaced with a JAPANESE FLAG overlaid with the kanji for COURAGEOUS OLD PERVERT, which has its own Japanese Kanji because it's such a common concept over there. "ORYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DYNAMAITO! IZUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Jubei, deep in the JUDO TRANCE, lifts the massive Cody straight off the floor and over his head. He then leaps into the sky, spinning upside down and roaring back towards the Earth in a ball of fire. Also, there are explosions waiting at the bottom. It's basically awesome. "OOOOOOOOOOOOTOSHI!"
COMBATSYS: Jubei successfully hits Cody with Dynamite Izuna Otoshi EX.
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Cody 1/-----==/=======|==-----\-------\0 Jubei
Jubei goes flying across the room, and Cody drops heavily back to the floor, landing in a kneel and rising slowly to his feet. For all the blood loss and fractured bones, he shows no signs of slowing down. As the Demon of Throwing collects himself, Cody begins that same slow stride across the floor towards the dashing Jubei, preparing to intercept the old man.
Suddenly, anime physics! Cody blinks, his attention diverted from the charging man by the Japanese flag and a bunch of moon letters. He's only distracted for a moment, but it's long enough; the next thing he knows, Jubei's arms are wrapped around him and the tiny Japanese man is hauling him over his head. The two go up, spin, and crash back into the floor like a meteor. There is a fucking explosion; basically it is totally sweet, as aforementioned.
Upon impact, Cody is flung from Jubei's grip; he goes flying across the room, turning slowly end over end in slow motion. His roar of pain and shock echoes throughout the lobby of Masters Stadium: "UAAGH! (uaagh! aagh! agh!)"
After over a second of flying through the air (in slow motion), Cody hits the ground again, cracking yet more of the lobby floor. He bounces once and then comes to a stop, green blood pouring from the wounds all over his body. After a few seconds of lying mostly motionless, his muscles quite visibly begin to shrink, and he even seems to get a few inches shorter. Another few seconds, and all of a sudden the blood pouring from his wounds is red instead of glowing green.
Judging by how still he is, it seems he won't be getting back up.
COMBATSYS: Cody takes no action.
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Cody 1/-----==/=======|==-----\-------\0 Jubei
COMBATSYS: Cody has reached second wind!
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Cody 1/-----==/=======|==-----\-------\0 Jubei
COMBATSYS: Cody has left the fight here.
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Jubei 0/-------/-----==|
Jubei, panting heavily, gets up from his crouch (he landed in one after flipping off Cody during the explosion) and shuffles painfully over towards the fallen American. He watches, intrigued, as the man shrinks down and bleeds out the green shit... then starts bleeding out red shit. "Huh," he grunts, reaching into his gi and retrieving a Mastersphone, shaped like a super-deformed Ken Masters. "I LOVE WOMEN AND NOT MEN!" it proclaims, as Jubei flips open its face and dials 9-1-1.
"Yeah, hello emergency? This is Jubei Yamada-- what do you mean 'who'!?" he sighs. "No, I've got some guy... drug overdose looks like... sure..." he continues to talk, facing away from the downed Cody. SURELY HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE BEFORE THE POLICE ARRIVE. The Mastersphone struggles to hide its erection.
The upside of the fight, for Masters Stadium, is that every single one of the furry holo-images of Ken Masters has been destroyed, leaving only the ones with regular Ken Masters standing. A buxom woman, who earlier snubbed Jubei, now comes up and drapes herself over the old man while he's on the phone. "Oh /my/," she purrs, trailing a finger through his silver hair. "How silly of me not to have noticed how /brave/ and /powerful/ you are...!"
The Mastersphone is now in good company.
Cody does not, in fact, go anywhere before the police arrive.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER
A man at a bar watches the news on one of those tiny TVs mounted up in the corner of the ceiling. A news anchor is reading a breaking news update; it seems there was a thirteen-car pileup on a nearby highway after an ambulance on its way to a nearby hospital suddenly lost control and rear-ended a minivan. Although details are still sparse, reports indicate that a man was seen emerging from the ambulance and fleeing the scene. His identity is still unknown, but police are hard at work to change that.
WHO COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? :V
Log created on 22:56:28 05/06/2009 by Jubei, and last modified on 04:19:24 05/07/2009.