Description: I bet you Morimoto and Sakai could go at it with knives, and it would still not be even 10% as crazy as this log.
Not so good a week for Haru Izanami so far.
Earlier he continued to sate his curiosity by finding and (somewhat accidentally) confronting Gedo's student council secretary, the Guardian Kings' own Kenji Ashima. What he got for his trouble was beat so bad he felt like his head would split open with the final blow... but the beating was nowhere near as bad as losing to Kenji with a large audience of Gedo students. He steeled himself for what was to come, of course; students, sensing weakness, would pounce. And indeed, a few did, though they were by and large the types who he could deal with easily enough. What really shocked Haru was the number that did *not*, particularly ones who had ignored him. He even got a request for a 'friendly' fight from some unknown second year, which he declined... and the guy actually seemed disappointed.
If he weren't an emotional cripple, Haru might have seen this trend for what it REALLY meant: that in fact, he didn't lose his cred at all, but in fact at least maintained it by making a decent if not terrific showing. Instead, he went back within and continued to hate the world emo-style, which makes no sense. However, it did compel him to do one thing: shop.
The checks from SNF are... generous. More so than he'd expected when he started this little venture. Bills are paid, some is set aside for savings, for food and other incidentals, and the Gedo senior found he had more left over than he thought. So to lighten his mood, he decided to indulge some of his hobbies. Eschewing his typical black garb for a chocolate brown, oversized moleskin buttondown and some jeans, he headed to the mall.
And went into Williams-Sonoma.
That's right, folks. What's Haru Izanami's hobby-slash-passion? COOKING.
Although much of the Southtown Village Mall is outdoors, with shops scattered around all over the cultivated grounds, a few of the larger buildings contain multiple franchises-- and most of the time, these franchises contain related items, so as to carefully appeal to the concerned shopper. In the world of competitive private enterprise, however, such organization cannot be assured, and it is thus that Williams-Sonoma and all of its womanly cooking crap, in this particular location, is located directly next to Street Beats, a small music chain having recently opened its first store here in Southtown. Oriented toward Japanese hip-hop, they are quite popular with the younger Southtown crowd and so far have been doing quite well; they cater to the popular American tracks as well, but generally they stick with the new, as do the youth of today.
The phillistines that they are.
"You WHAT!?"
The shout resounds throughout the entire plaza.
"You don't even carry Liquid Swords!?"
It sounds like a very large person is shouting.
"You dumb pricks! I'll kick your asses! HaaaaaAAAAIII!"
And, indeed, she is large in spirit.
For Wing Xiaoping is not only Queen of the Streets but a member of the Wu Nation, and that any store carrying hip-hop would not also carry extremely old-school pre-Wu-Tang albums is completely beyond her, much along the lines that people not falling upon their knees whenever she approaches is beyond her. And thus does the diminuitive Chinese girl begin tossing employees about. Three of them are already down, and as her generally taller and inevitably less violence-prone fellow customers cower in the corners, Wing advances on the two remaining employees. One of them scrambles to call security, while the other flails his hands forward in terror.
"This is madness!" he shouts, half-covering his face.
"MADNESS!?"
Wing punches him through the desk, screaming.
"THIS IS WU-TANG!"
The sound of approaching footsteps on tile reveal to the girl that support is already approaching. "Shit, it's the 5-0," she mutters, and promptly turning to flee, she leaves only enough time to shout over her shoulder, "Queen of the Streets, motherfuckaaaas!" And then she is gone.
Or so she wishes. In fact, the guards are emerges through the only entrance, which she belatedly realizes is also the only exit to this particular complex. Thus does she run into the nearest store, searching for weapons. Conveniently, in Williams-Sonoma, there are plenty.
"Bring it on, Chodeizards!" Wing taunts, lobbing a frying pan at one guard, who is out like a light to the shock and terror of the customers of this fine cookware establishment. "I'm unstoppable! Indomitable!" She hurls a Bialetti Mukko glass cappucino maker, taking out another with a loud shattering.
Can no one stop her rampage?
You know, the 'Cup-A-Cake' is actually an ingenious little device. What it is, see, is a tiny polystyrene molded plastic carrying case for cupcakes (or muffins, if you're into that) that is both airtight and in a pretty array of pastel colors to boot. Yes, now you too can carry a cupcake around wherever you need it, safe in the knowledge that it will be fresh, and its picturesque little swirl of icing totally undisturbed by unfeeling bastards like 'gravity' and 'inertia'. Those jerks. Williams-Sonoma cleverly places Cup-A-Cake(tm) holders at four corners of the muffin/cupcake baking pan display, which in fact Haru is looking at. He recently got a good recipe for carrot cake that he's been considering adapting into a muffin recipe. Add cream cheese frosting, or perhaps in muffin form, a cream cheese-derived glaze drizzled on top, served warm. And handily protected inside a Cup-A-Cake(tm) from Gedo punks looking to shake people down for their pastries since Gedo's lunch bread tastes like (and possibly is) sawdust.
It is as Haru is picking one of the little colored things up and holding it in front of him that a f(r/l)ying pan goes sailing past his head, missing him by mere inches, to smack a poor cashier in the face as she comes around to try and convince Wing to stop. The saddest part of this, of course, is not that the pan enters Bullet Time as it sails past the Gedo senior's face, nor that it makes an impressive, Smash Bros.-like *CLANG* as it smacks into her face and she briefly processes: Le Creuset Iron-Handled Skillet, 9 inches, $100 retail.
No, the *sad* thing is that Haru just shopped right through everything else that preceded that event.
And perhaps because there is a little bit of cold bastard in him, he doesn't bother to help the woman, or even ask if she's okay (it's not like cast iron's going to KILL her, it's a blunt object and, let's face it, she's a Williams-Sonoma employee, what's the worst that can happen? She's reassigned to the Apple Store?). Instead, he turns and observes Wing Xiaoping, who he does not know at all, representing damn near everything about the students of Gedo that he *hates* right now, and messing up his opportunity to get a new set of barbecue tongs. The best part, of course, is that she goes to Justice, not that he knows that.
It's not really anger. It is Annoyance, though, which while lacking in battle auras and OVER NINE THOUSAND sort of quotes, has occasionally created far worse results in the long run.
"You," he says evenly, reaching out and snatching an Olive Wood Tasting Spoon (with matching rest, only $29.95) out of the air as it sails toward him, Wing's Meowth impersonation in full swing. "Stop."
It takes more than that to get Wing's attention.
You have to be, for example, a Deluxe Angled Potato Ricer, which Wing handily snags just in time to clobber a guard who has gotten too close over the head with. Her throwing aim is deadly, but not quick enough to stem the entire assault. The place isn't that loud, as it's Wing who is making all the noise save for some scattered shouting by the security and an infant crying, but still she won't hear Haru now: the melee has begun.
Wing reaches blindly behind her to procure the Imperia Pasta Machine, with which one may process fresh dough and churn out one's own pasta, and which apparently makes a fine bludgeon for taking out three more nuisances. Laughing gleefully, Wing tires of the makeshift weapon soon, realizes that it's too slow to face so many, and dodges away and behind some counters she comes up dual-wielding the Olive Wood Pasta Rakes, which besides being a fine complement to any of their delightfully ornate salad bowls could put an eye out if you're not careful.
"Kiiyyyaaaaat!"
Fortunately, no eyes are lost, but the rakes snap against some of the last guards. It appears that only two are left standing now, but Wing is desperate for weapons to keep them at bay. Thinking fast, she lunges to the side-- and snags a hapless customer, the larger man screaming helplessly as the hoody-clad young punk hurls him at the guards. One goes down, but one keeps coming, and gritting her teeth, Wing stumbles backward and reaches behind her--
To blindly grab onto Haru's shirt.
"Haaaaaah!"
If she connects, she'll twist and throw him at the last guard. If she doesn't, well-- if she falls over, it's his fault.
COMBATSYS: Wing has started a fight here.
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Wing 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Haru has joined the fight here.
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Haru 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Wing
COMBATSYS: Haru fails to interrupt Strong Throw from Wing with Strong Throw.
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Haru 0/-------/-----==|-------\-------\0 Wing
Wonderful. She's the touching type. That's lovely.
You would think that Wing, moving at the Speed of Stupid, would seem to be in slow motion to someone of Haru's quick perception and dexterity. Sadly, he was too busy being annoyed and didn't process she was grabbing at *him* until the last second, and thus his attempt to suddenly bring his favored weapon into play -- a yoyo, which is probably thankfully out of Wing's sight -- and give her a taste of her own medicine is woefully short, and both Gedo senior and unsuspecting guard go tumbling into a large stack of lovely ceramic Emile Henry Artisan Loaf Pans made up like a little pyramid. The pans scatter everywhere, many of them breaking, but really, what sort of idiot makes a pyramid display out of ceramic baking pans? The type who doesn't just get a GUN and start firing when people like Wing show up, that's who.
Things go flying. The *first* thing that goes flying is the guard, who suddenly and rather forcefully rolls into the front display window in a heap, coming to a full stop just below a sale sign (all spatulas, half off). The second thing that goes flying are a few more of those poor bread pans. Ceramic really is so damn fragile. I prefer a good stainless steel, myself.
Haru emerges from the wreckage, fixing Wing with his two-toned glare and his oddly blue-streaked hair. Yet he doesn't look angry. Just... bored. "Okay. Your first crime is ruining my day off. That alone should be sufficient." There's a strange whirring sound, however, as he brings up one hand, holding a KitchenAid 9-Speed Hand Mixer (only $89.95; this one is the pleasant green color called 'Lemongrass') clearly set to 'puree' or some other sinister-sounding mix speed; the whisk blades spin at ridiculous RPMs as he points at Wing, as surely as Inigo Montoya challenging Wesley even though both of these characters are too young to really remember that film. "But now you've completely ruined my chance to get one of these lovely ceramic pans, so I'm going to have to smack some sense into you." How does he do that deadpan?
Truly, this is an axiomatic triumph.
"What the--"
Some primal instinct bleats warningly in Wing's head as the victorious girl, breathless from her wild melee, gazes upon the mixer-wielding young man before her. This guy isn't like the security guards. She's taken out all the guards; this is something completely different. This is...
A BOSS FIGHT.
Wing is, after all, the hero of this story.
Her whole body begins to tremble, her eyes lowering.
"You..."
And then she thrusts an accusatory finger forward, glaring.
"...HAVE STUPID HAIR!"
Righteously indignant, she balls her hands into fists at her sides.
"What, is your salon full of retards? Is there a Hair-Dying Special Olympics you attended? You look like a freak!" Wing Xiaoping, classy as always, waves a hand with exaggerated dismissiveness before continuing her loudmouthed tirade. "Not to mention your absurd contacts. Nobody's impressed by your wacky eyes, douchebag, least of all me!"
She starts to grin, a strangely worrying expression on her.
"And /speaking/ of /me/."
She begins to advance, eyebrows raising menacingly-- maybe.
"Clearly you don't know WHO I AM."
Picking up the pace and an Aluminum Cream Mini-Whipper, Wing Xiaoping begins to charge forward, holding her newfound weapon aloft.
"SO LET ME EDUCATE YOU! I'M--"
Dashing in headlong, she raises the metal container high-- and then thrusts her forehead forward into Haru's face, in a totally sweet and foreheadtastic fake-out.
"THE QUEEN OF THE STREETS!"
COMBATSYS: Haru counters Taiga Style from Wing with Evocative Jade.
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Haru 0/-------/--=====|======-\-------\0 Wing
Oh really.
Actually, Haru says that: "Oh really."
Then he does the only thing he can think of, considering that Wing's gigantic forehead is coming right at him. He reaches to his side and, with rather more calm than he actually feels, picks up a nice, heavy ceramic baking stone ($35, operators are standing by) and holds it up exactly parallel to Wing's head, right in her flight path. The result is that she slams into it in a cartoon fashion with a loud *CRACK*... but the damage, for sure, is minimal. Of course, Haru is only using that as a distraction, as Wing may note when the baking stone drops and she sees... a yoyo? Yes. A yoyo, dark gunmetal grey and black, and it's looped around her arm.
There is enough time, as Wing may process this, for Haru to look her in the face with his impressive neutral expression and say, evenly: "This isn't the streets. THIS... IS WILLIAMS-SONOMA."
And then, with a whiplash motion, Haru uses the yoyo as a tether-whip to swing Wing full bore through an entire rack of metal saucepans and pots, including the Ruffoni Copper Sauce Pot with the decorative handle on the lid. Snapping the yoyo back to his hand as he lets her go flying on her own inertia, he adds almost as an afterthought, "And this is my natural hair color, you *ass*."
"Aarghrghh!" is Wing's eloquent reply.
Fortunately, as she struggles to her feet admist the wreckage, shaking off a potlid with a loud clattering, she quickly comes up with a better one.
"NATURALLY /GAY/!"
On second thought, maybe she should have stuck with her first.
Apparently totally unfazed by busting through a baking stone with her face, hip-hop harridan Wing Xiaoping grits her teeth and rushes forward. "I'll bring the streets to you, you toy-carrying gimp!" she cries out, before launching into a series of wheeling punches, her arms weaving artfully through the air in a rather startling display of technical ability. For all of her crazed style, the little young woman seems quite well-practiced in some manner of kung fu, and it shows in her natural grace and control.
If only she had such control in all areas.
"HaaaaAAAAII!"
The quick series of strikes ends with a forceful double palm thrust, aiming to slam into Haru's chest and send him reeling into another display of cookware, so carefully arranged that it's basically asking for it.
COMBATSYS: Haru dodges Wing's Strong Punch.
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Haru 0/-------/--=====|======-\-------\0 Wing
Haru is briefly surprised at this totally unexpected display of martial prowess, but not for long. Consider that Haru himself walked right off the set of "Freaks and Geeks" and he can fight, though perhaps not with the traditional sort of maneuvers that Wing is putting into this effort. Thus when she comes pinwheeling in like some sort of crazy woman, he isn't caught totally offguard. In fact, he just... steps to the left, which isn't as easy as it sounds given the clutter and Wing's skill, but Haru makes it happen, because he is That Guy from every anime you've ever watched. You know... That Guy.
Wing is left to hurtle at a display of scented candles ($24.50 each, can you believe that?) on a rack on the wall. Can she stop in time before she hits them? Probably, but will she? Probably not.
Haru, meanwhile, picks up tall, ornate Alhambra Candlestick(tm) and tests the weight, watching Wing carefully. "As opposed to unnaturally gay?" he offers smoothly, wrapping one yoyo around part of the display and pulling the string taut with the other, for some unknown reason. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you're secretly into girls." Is that a burn? It's obvious Haru's not very good at it.
What he is good at, however, is improvising. The string on Haru's yoyos is memory wire and steel thread, not string... it's thus very flexible and very strong. Right now... it's a crossbow. One candlestick is pulled back, the string giving... and then fired at Wing. In fact, Haru fires off four or five just to be sure. It's slow and stupid, since he has to 'pull' with his loading hand, basically, but it's probably enough to give Wing a good bruising if she doesn't get out of the way. "The streets also still seem to be outside," he adds cheerily.
If any of the Gedo students Haru has fought recently -- Hakuya, Kenji, or Adira -- could see him now, they'd swear it wasn't the same person.
The guards, for their part, are locked in perpetual D:. They don't know if they should root for Haru because he's trying to stop the girl who started all this, or beat him over the head because he's using a yoyo to fire candlesticks like arrows.
COMBATSYS: Wing interrupts Power Fling from Haru with Monkey Mischief.
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Haru 1/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0 Wing
"You wish, creep!" Wing shouts from under a pile of scented candles. So he's gay, whether naturally or unnaturally, and also fantasizing about Wing's secret lesbianism. Look, if you want consistency, isn't her endless berserk fury enough? "Aaargh!" she adds, frustratedly. Man, who knew he was That Guy?
The added resentment only stokes the roiling cauldron of her hateful soul, however, and when she looks towards him and his wacky awesome trick all she can see is a target. Body seeming to blur as she trembles rapidly, every muscle tensing with the effort, Wing brings her hands up to block-- and then dashing forward, leaving an image flickering behind as she streaks directly toward Haru's attack--
And passes right through it.
Too late does it become apparent that it is the Wing who has stayed behind that is real, and the Wing that has dashed forth that fades into a silhouette of white light before burst against Haru's frame, her chi-self apparently immune to candle attacks. Wing, meanwhile, shakes off the attack easily and strides forward, grinning again with a sinister air, or at least as sinister an air as a five-foot tall thugged out Chinese girl can manage.
"They won't be," she responds, "once I walk all over you."
Because it's dramatically appropriate, there's a letterboxed cut of Haru's eyes (differently colored as they are, AND THAT'S NATURAL TOO BY THE WAY) narrowing at the sudden realization that Wing is attacking him with Beta Blade. Yes, other than making handcrafted jewelery and cooking, Haru plays Guilty Gear, thus proving that there may in fact be a chance he likes girls and beer buried under all that visual kei emo appearance.
Maybe.
Regardless, the chi-Wing slams into Haru's body, sending him stumbling backwards into the window. That stung, but perhaps not as bad as it could have... but it does do one thing that suddenly inspires Haru. A lot.
He landed next to the hand mixers.
With a snap, the yoyo he was using as an improvised crossbow suddenly twirls back into his hand, Daredevil billy club-style. He lets his gaze rake over Wing for a second, taking her in. Yes... yes. This will be perfect. "That doesn't make any sense whatsoever, although even as I say that, I wonder why I'm surprised by it." He picks up a hand mixer and... wraps the end of one yoyo around the handle, tossing it in his hands for a moment before nodding once. "But really, what can you expect from someone who uses 'chodeizards' like it's a real word. Or maybe you just have a scary Pokémon fetish."
This is when he strikes.
The yoyo lashes out, looking to bury the mixer in a *very* specific place: the crook of Wing's neck. But he's not trying to HIT with it... just lodge it there, still attached to the yoyo. If he can pull that much? He just smiles...
...and then lashes out with his SECOND yoyo, aiming to do one thing:
Hit the power switch on the mixer.
COMBATSYS: Wing endures Haru's Medium Strike.
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Haru 1/-------/=======|=======\-------\1 Wing
"As Queen of the Streets," Wing begins, raising one pointer finger aloft imperiously, "I reserve the right to invent my own lexicon wherein--"
*thump*
"--the hell--"
*BZZZZZTTTTT*
The girl's head rattles back and forth a bit as the impromptu audience watches in general baffled awe, clearly wondering whether this is going to take her head right off in some gruesome and bizarre manner worthy of a Tarantino film.
*ZZZZzzzrronzttghch*
Quietly, without moving the rest of her body, Wing's head begins to slow in its rapid movements-- as slowly but steadily, eyes wide and dangerous, she crushes the mixer into a useless lump of metal between her shoulder and the side of her head.
"That was..."
Boy, does she look crazy now.
"HIGHLY UNPLEASANT!"
The ex-mixer clatters to the ground noisily as Wing screams in indignation, fists clenching at her sides as a wind begins to pick up around her; though there is no chi visibly expressed, yet still a heavy gust whirls around her, her Sean Jean hoody and baggy jeans rippling in the little spontaneous whirlwind. "HaaaAAAAAA--" Shattered ceramic wedges and small metal implements are picked up in the gathering storm, the lights above Wing flickering and shattered as she stares at Haru wide-eyed, whole body shaking in mad rage.
"--AAAAAAHHH!!"
And punching out at the air, teeth clenched and expression strained, a huge blast of wind echoes out from the sheer force of her punch, carrying debris and once-pricey cooking implements -- now perhaps half-off -- at her unusually-haired opponent.
"SUFFER!"
You heard the Queen.
COMBATSYS: Haru slows Dragonforce from Wing with Power Fling.
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Haru 1/----===/=======|=======\-------\0 Wing
"Huh." He seems more surprised than anything else. It actually, like, worked. What it *did* is up for debate, since Wing doesn't seem particularly bothered by it and to be honest, Haru was only doing it as an experiment, both yoyos snapping back to his hand as he gives that little commentary on what may be the stupidest Medium Strike in the history of the MUCK. Apparently, it only merits a "Huh".
Then he seems to notice the tornado of destruction that's coming his way, and he knits his brow. Now that's not supposed to happen. Auntie Em! Auntie Em! It's a twister!
There's a resounding *CLANG* as a dutch oven rebounds off Haru's PERFECTLY NATURAL BLUE-STREAKED HAIR, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. The first of Wing's salvo... and perhaps the mightiest. That stung an awful lot. However, the rest of the debris is carefully, and somewhat beautifully, shot out of the air with a concentrated salvo of yoyo strikes. Plates, pans, candles, the remains of the mixer, knocked away with short, precise strikes. He might not be a martial artist in the traditional sense, but when it comes to ingenuity with what's at hand, he's a marvel.
There's a moment of calm after the storm. There's a little bloody cut under Haru's bangs, but he doesn't seem to notice. Instead, he lets his voice slow to what might be considered a drawl. "I *have* been suffering," he says patiently. "For..." A pause to check his watch. "...around 8 minutes now."
"NOT LONG ENOUGH!" is Wing's prompt -- and loud -- reply.
Witnessing Haru's skill at averting the majority of the damage from her fierce attack only frustrates her all the more, and from her frustration seems to stem a great deal of her ability. The tireless girl tramples pots and pans underfoot as she storms her away towards her opponent, needing a close-range outlet for her aggression now.
"I'm not going to lose to some clown school dropout, you yo-yo fighting twerp!" she shouts adamantly, even as she quicksteps forward and seems to throw herself almost out of balance before neatly dropping into a low sweep kick, attempting to cut his legs out from under him and send him crashing into a small box of fearsomely gleaming corkscrews. You're really screwed now!
"Why're you here, anyway!? Did your clown homework require a pie tin?"
COMBATSYS: Haru fails to counter Light Kick from Wing with Emerald Vivacity.
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Haru 0/-------/-----==|=======\-------\1 Wing
Screwed indeed.
Here is why Haru's sudden, brilliant reversal is, in fact, not working. For starters, he is mentally tabulating how much money he is going to owe this store when the entire thing is said and done, and the number now has a *lot* more figures in it than he is comfortable with. Two, he's been getting his ass kicked a lot lately and is kinda sore. Three, and most importantly, he realizes THEY DON'T SELL PIE TINS AT WILLIAMS-SONOMA.
He is about to snag Wing's arm with a yoyo when the sweep topples him backwards into a bunch of very, very sharp corkscrews, and that totally puts holes in his moleskin shirt, which if you've ever tried to actually repair moleskin? It doesn't work. This shirt was new.
When he gets up and out of the corkscrews, he actually looks kinda mad. It's the first real emotion he's shown since the start of the fight.
"No," he grinds out, trying to smile. Maybe if he takes her out, they'll comp him for the stuff he's broken. And hand him a Cup-a-Cake(tm) for his trouble.
"They're provided."
"Oh."
Wing pauses, reaching up to rub her chin.
"That's convenient."
Is she considering a career as a clown? She'd certainly fit right in. But if she's a clown then she's a dangerous clown indeed, and the moment of thoughtful peace is soon interrupted by her ceaseless desire to maim and injure others. "Alright!" she shouts, brow furrowing in fury. "I'm going to end this NOW!"
Snarling, the Queen of the Streets prepares to lay down the lawlessness and dispense highly questionable justice as she lunges forward, a deadly glint in her eye.
"KNEEL BEFORE ME!"
As hot as that is, it might also be a good idea-- because if Haru can't dodge this somehow, Wing's hand will blur forward in a single terrible strike: a blow directly to Haru's throat, a mercilessness manuever that could, in all seriousness, probably kill a non-fighter who stood in its path.
Sometimes the posers are the most fearsome of all.
"PROTECT YA NECK!"
They, unlike the genuine article, have something to prove.
Better do what she says, man!
COMBATSYS: Haru counters Protect Ya Neck from Wing with Melancholy Sapphire.
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Haru 0/-------/---====|===----\-------\0 Wing
There she goes again. With the touching.
However, if Wing is watching Haru's eyes -- and she might, since she's aiming to core his Adam's apple, basically -- she might notice the slight twitch when she goes all carpe jugulum. Well, that and one other slightly scary thing: his left eye, the green one, suddenly goes blue. In fact, so does the air around him. The entire thing is sort of a theme of cobalt blue.
Haru says, in an almost singsong voice: "No." And then Wing's body impacts a gem-like orb of blue light around Haru's body, stopping her attack dead in its tracks through some irresistable mystic force, like a wall of pure sapphire. However, at the point of impact with Wing's fist, the entire thing shatters into knife-like shards of blue light. Most fade harmlessly away; a few, however, pierce Wing's body on their way out, causing a very strange chilling sensation.
When it fades, Haru is dusting himself off, looking... actually, a lot better than he did before, like he just had some fantastic catharsis. Which... maybe he did. "I thought I was 'naturally gay'," he says brightly, as if puzzling something out. "So it seems unlikely I'm going to engage in any sort of bizarre fighting S&M fantasy you've cooked up."
Wing lies dazed upon the ground, quite unsure of what has occurred.
She's sure of one thing, at least.
"That sucked balls!"
Raising herself to a sitting position, she looks up blearily at her still-standing opponent, wounded but now looking fresh as a daisy compared to her. This won't do at all. Shaking her head, casting out the cobwebs and bringing in a little extra pluck, Wing lunges to her feet and bares her fangs, by which I mean the adorable slight crook in her lower teeth, at Haru. "Yeah-- well-- that's--"
Confused and disoriented by whatever he hit her with, Wing seems unable, for the first time, to come up with any sort of response, however woefully inadequate.
"You just leave my S&M fantasies out of this!"
It's enough to stoke the flames of her fury again, at least, and enough to send her running forward in a stumbling dash. She's clearly still dazed, but she's not showing any signs of letting up just because of something as superficial as complete exhaustion.
"Hiyaaaahh!"
This time she doesn't bother with any pretense-- she hurls herself headlong right at Haru's face. Block this with a yo-yo, you homo! Oh, wait, you already did.
W... well, I bet you can't do it again!
No, honestly, Wing has already forgotten that it didn't work before.
COMBATSYS: Haru fails to interrupt Strong Punch from Wing with Medium Throw.
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Haru 0/-------/-======|===----\-------\0 Wing
COMBATSYS: Haru can no longer fight.
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Wing 0/-------/---====|
S&M, huh? Well fine. If that's how it's gonna be, Haru can go that route. Let us go to his plan through the magic of Chibi Theatre, which Jiro can't bitch about 'cause he's not here.
First, Chibi Haru has a nice belly laugh at Wing's stupidity, and in fact yells "CALL ME QUEEN THEN, MONKEY GIRL!" Her punch avails naught, as Haru deftly sidesteps and then gets a yoyo around her throat, nice and tight... but oh, not TOO tight. Yes... just enough to perhaps squeeze some of the fight out of her. And if she happens to get flushed, and call out "Iyan~" in a far too high pitched voice because she's totally getting off on autoerotic asphyxiation-slash-domination then that's fine by him as long as she STOPS. THROWING. PUNCHES.
Haru is still imagining this scenario when Wing impacts his head.
The Gedo senior is already pretty lightweight; tack on fatigue and injury and it's easy to send him flying right out the Williams-Sonoma storefront (we don't have a price tag for that; assume it's a lot) in a shower of glass which conveniently doesn't touch Haru at all. In fact, the yoyo-using fighter rolls to a stop at the feet of... the actual police, who help him up. Beaten and bloodied, and certainly unable to fight anymore, he nevertheless stays semi-upright, swaying with ataxic dismay, and pointing a wavering finger at Wing.
"'s *sick*," he murmurs, dazed. "Don't wan' hear what does with... her Charizard doll."
That's so hot.
Tragically, it is not to be. Haru's own S&M fantasies, albeit fantasies not motivated by any sexual urge, are not fated to come true, unless the Southtown Police are more corrupt than we realize. Instead, a wild-eyed Wing raises her fist in triumph, staggering towards the gaping hole that is where the window once was.
"Take that!" she shouts hoarsely. "I told you I'd show you the streets!"
Blinking rapidly, Wing still has the presence of mind to pound her chest in primate-like celebration. Monkey girl, indeed. "Because, as previously mentioned," he says, still sounding a little bewildered, "I'm QUEEN OF THE--"
And then she notices the cops.
"--crap--"
Like a drunkard dunked under ice water, Wing sobers up immediately, and without another word or glance backward she flees, dashing through the havoc she has wreaked and through the door.
There will surely be pursuit, but never will they catch her. And who would guess that hoody-wearing Original Gangster "Queen of the Streets" is in fact innocent schoolgirl Wing Xiaoping? Well, okay, so it's more like bullying lunch-money-stealing schoolgirl Wing Xiaoping, but nevertheless.
One fantasy, at least, has been fulfilled again.
"I'm the greatest!" she congratulates herself breathlessly, before ducking into an alleyway and leaping into a convenient nearby dumpster.
So goes the life of a true hustler.
COMBATSYS: Wing has ended the fight here.
Log created on 01:32:57 03/22/2008 by Haru, and last modified on 05:29:19 03/22/2008.