Description: The London Lamppost Battle, wherein an old man and a sneaker-clad ninja attack each other repeatedly in midair, ends on top of a moving double-decker bus, with a broken camera and Guy's evolution from ninja to Charninja to show for it. And I'd've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids! (Winner: Guy)
"Salutations, chaps and mates! Welcome to Neo League London, where we have a fandango of a fight for you tonight, wot wot! Straighten your monocles and prepare for an experience more intense than that one really intense game of cricket, you know the one. Today, in the middle of London, during rush hour, we have two legendary warriors battling it out-- on top of lampposts! That's right, my fine ladies and gents, Saishu Kusanagi, patriarch of the famed Kusanagi clan, and Guy, hero of Metro City and master of Bushin-ryu, will be duelling with all their strength and gung-ho spirit, what ho, and they aren't allowed to touch the ground! Which of these champions of champions will emerge victorious!? We go now to Lady Elizabeth the Fourty-Ninth, Duchess of Cheesecloth and Sausageshire, for our fight result forecast. Wotcher, Liz!"
***
Saishu Kusanagi stands proud and erect atop a precipice, gazing off into the distance inscrutibly, perfectly poised and balanced, entirely unmoving. Despite his advancing age, he appears more than spry enough to maintain his footing upon this slippery slope; for the slope is the slope of vice and the craving for power, and the knife's edge at the top is the path of warrior virtue, and no matter how weak a fighter becomes, as long as he is a fighter he will never fall, for to fall would be to die inside, to die a death full of fear and regret. To fall from this precipice would be to not be a fighter -- and no one but a fighter would be upon this precipice. A warrior is a warrior forever.
Still, the lamppost is darn slippery. At least it stopped raining for the moment.
A crowd of British people or something has gathered to watch, and some British cameramen are starting to film, and there are lots of British things around, like red telephone booths, and double-decker buses, and... rugby players. Well, why not? I'm sure they watch fighting.
But no fight they have ever watched... will be like this one.
Similarly, Guy stands atop a lamppost, staring directly at Saishu, uncomprimising, unwavering, unrelenting. Saishu isn't a bad guy, but for Guy, there are no halfway measure in a battle. It's do or die, and he's not going to go easy on Saishu just because he's old, or has frighteningly powerful flames, or uses tactics that would generally be considered sort of dumb if they weren't so awesome.
In any case, imagine how difficult balancing on a slippery lamppost is. Now imagine trying to do it in sneakers. Such is the ultimate dillemma of Guy. If he takes them off, it would be easier to move, but then he wouldn't have his sneakers on, the true hidden source of his power. And that is unacceptable. If he really was a master of Bushin-ryu, instead of just being really awesome with it, maybe he wouldn't be having this problem, but he's not the sort to think on thoughts like that.
Guy is actually the sort to just stand there and wait for the fight to start. (which he does)
"FOIGHT!"
At first, Saishu doesn't understand, because his English is a bit rusty and because the word sounds all British and crap, and Saishu learned English in AMERICA (HELL YEAH). And then, Saishu still doesn't understand. He continues to not understand, and for a while, the fighters just stare at each other, going "...", while Saishu proves that, surprisingly, he's just as capable as Guy at being uncompromising, unwavering, and unrelenting. Which doesn't seem totally in character until you realize Saishu is an old master and who knows what he's really thinking, the big loony!
Finally, he just gets bored, and figuring no one will mind -- and not caring if they do -- Saishu strikes a bizarre stance, standing on one leg and doing something kungfuish with his hands... and beckons to Guy, eyes narrowing, starting to grin.
"Ha ha! Nice shoes!"
Saishu is, himself, barefoot. Sucker.
COMBATSYS: Saishu has started a fight here.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Saishu 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Saishu focuses on his next action.
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Saishu 0/-------/-------|
Guy, being a native speaker of english, if not English English, understands right away, and given that his precarious position waiting on a pole appears to be a perfectly passable thing for the moment, he doesn't take any action at first, just waiting. He's never met Saishu before, so he really doesn't know what to expect here, so caution might be the best course of action.
But then Saishu doesn't move. Guy doesn't move. They just keep staring. And then Saishu...mocks Guy's sneakers? Guy can't really tell. Despite this, Guy decides that whoever this old guy is, he can't be that bad - after all, he's old. Taking the initiative, Guy leaps toward Saishu, foot extended to deliver The Pain. Freaking old guy, mocking his shoes.
COMBATSYS: Guy has joined the fight here.
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Saishu 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Guy
COMBATSYS: Saishu fails to interrupt Light Kick from Guy with Kamu Kakari.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////////]
Saishu 0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0 Guy
Saishu immediately springs off the lamppost, and igniting his hand with a loud shout of "Ha ha!", punches out fiercely, in an attempt to knock the sneaker-wearing ninja out of his kick.
Unfortunately, the Kusanagi elder realizes only too late that Guy's leg is, in fact, longer than Saishu's arm. Err... oops.
The kick successfully hits, but Saishu just backflips back and ends up on the same lamppost again, though he's pursing his lips in a dramatically thoughtful expression now; that didn't work at all.
Guy 1, Saishu 0.
There's something to be said about being a ninja, especially a Bushin-ryu ninja. Namely, that it lets you do totally awesome crap. Instead of leaping back to his lamppost, Guy uses the moment of contact with Saishu to actually leap forward toward the old Kusanagi's lamppost. This is what it means to go all out, what it means to give your opponent to breathing room at all. Coming down from a high angle, Guy sticks a foot out right at Saishu's face, planning to backflip away upon contact back to his own pole.
The really awesome part? Even if he misses entirely, Guy's backflip will go as planned, as he pretty much just pushes off of air.
COMBATSYS: Saishu interrupts Kamaitachi from Guy with Oniyaki.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////// ]
Saishu 0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\1 Guy
And the really *really* awesome part?
Saishu, in response, laughing maniacally, just ignites his entire body and leaps up to meet Guy as he comes in a huge flaming uppercut attack. "HuuuuRYAH!" the Kusanagi elder cries. You're backflipping away alright, Mister Ninja. Backflipping *on fire*.
The middle-aged fighter lands back, still on his own lamppost, grinning hugely, eyes narrowed and glittering. "Ha ha! Too hot for ya!?"
Evidently, this guy has more oomph in him than Guy anticipated - it's a shame, too, because getting BLASTED by Saishu's flaming uppercut means he doesn't get to show off his awesome ninja antics. Despite being on fire and backflipping nearly entirely out of control, Guy still somehow manages to land on his lightpole. And then he slips.
It's okay, though, as he catches himself before he goes down with one hand. He doesn't hesitate at all before flipping himself back up onto the lamppost in a croutch. He just makes it looks so easy, folks!
Narrowing his eyes, unresponsive to Saishu's arguably witty banter, Guy just goes back on the attack, spinning through the air with several front-going flips toward Saishu (now 90 percent less on fire), before reaching out for the man's shoulders. Still in midair, if the grab goes through, Guy will use his spinning momentum to bring Saishu all the way around in a circle that ends with the man going downward at an alarming, probably rather hurtful rate.
COMBATSYS: Saishu endures Guy's Izuna Otoshi.
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Saishu 0/-------/=======|=======\==-----\1 Guy
Saishu is grabbed! And hurled towards the ground! The crowd gasps in astonishment and terror as the Kusanagi elder plummets to his doom. Is this fight over already!?
Saishu falls until he comes within less than a meter of the ground -- and then thrusts out his hands, emitting a huge blast of flame which immediately propels him back up into the air, like rocket flames. "Ha ha!" he shouts. "Saishu Missile!"
He quickly shoots back up to where Guy is supposedly standing on the pole, and goes totally flamethrower-nuts on the ninja, aiming to surprise attack him with the huge wave of flame he is currently spouting. "HOU HYAAAAA!"
COMBATSYS: Guy interrupts Homura Gasane from Saishu with Bushin Hassou Ken.
[ \\\\\\\\\\ < > /////////////// ]
Saishu 1/----===/=======|===----\-------\0 Guy
That's an impressive display from Saishu - honestly, Guy doesn't think he's ever seen anyone manage to propel themselves upward in such a fashion. Luckily for Guy, however, it's still not the fastest process, and that means he has plenty of time to see it coming. It's a difficult thing, after all, to catch a ninja by surprise.
With only a grunt to signify that pain that he's feeling from the heat, Guy lets Saishu get about even with himself, and then leaps forward, going straight through the flame in what can best be described as a flurry of punch that carries both involved parties upward quite some distance, until finally Guy kicks Saishu away and then comes to a rest on one of those crazy telephone booths. He's not talking, but he does look just a little smug.
Dang, dude. Guy has the right to look smug, and the audience has the right to look totally freaking awed by all this. Guy ends up on top of a telephone booth, and Saishu ends up on top of a parked double-decker bus, hitting it so hard that he makes a dent in the top. Rolling to his feet, the Kusanagi elder unashamedly takes a few moments to pull himself together, taking a few deep breaths and leaning back, crick-crick sounds emerging as he winces and stretches his back.
Defensive about his age he may pretend to be, but he won't deny that it does have its disadvantages. So, for the moment, Saishu Kusanagi is going to chill out.
Then the driver, on the bottom level and thus unaware of the new dents in the roof, starts the engine, and the bus begins to pull out of its parking space...
COMBATSYS: Saishu takes a breather.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > /////////////// ]
Saishu 1/----===/=======|===----\-------\0 Guy
No immediate reprisal? Against Guy, that's a mistake, and if Saishu thinks that being on a bus will save him...well. Guy's had experience fighting on top of moving busses, trains, dirigibles, and gorillas. But the busses are all that matter in this instance.
Still, there's the matter of getting to the bus in the first place, and then attacking Saishu with sufficient force to knock him straight into freaking orbit. It takes Guy a minute, but he forms a plan along just those lines. Step one: start moving toward Saishu, ignoring all the people watching who are trying to keep up. Accomplish this by leaping from object to object until the bus is reached. Step two: pick a little something up on the way - in this case, a camera on a tripod, which for a moment Guy actually lands on, not upsetting it enough to tip the thing over despite his weight, and then jump off of it while taking it with him. Sure, it's a little physically impossible, but there's probably a ninja trick involved.
And then, finally, step three. Get on the bus and bean Saishu with the camera, taking care to aim for the face. Discard worthless hunk of metal that was the camera afterward, season to taste.
COMBATSYS: Saishu endures Guy's Random Weapon.
[ \\\\\\\\\ < > /////////////// ]
Saishu 1/-======/=======|====---\-------\0 Guy
Saishu inspects his fingernails until Guy approaches.
Saishu looks up, curiously, at the ninja's arrival.
The camera breaks on his face.
He does not even blink.
Instead, he calmly raises his hand, points at Guy, and says, conversationally, "Surprise." And unleashes a huge, monstrous explosion of flame, which will totally immolate the ninja and cause him to evolve into his advanced form of Charninja. Saishu chooses you!
COMBATSYS: Guy endures Saishu's Orochinagi'.
[ \\\\\\\\\ < > //// ]
Saishu 0/-------/---====|=======\=====--\1 Guy
Guy is surprised.
That is really, really, /really/ hot.
It hurts quite a bit.
Guy doesn't go blasting backward from the force of it.
He does rip off Saishu's pose style.
And he also rips off Saishu's reaction. When the flame passes, he's standing there. Burnt, blackened, and looking seriously pissed off. "Surprise." Speaking for the first time, Guy takes that opportunity to rush forward and just kick the living shit out of Saishu, which will cause Kusanagi to evolve into a bloody, beaten lump of flesh.
COMBATSYS: Guy has reached second wind!
[ \\\\\\\\\ < > /// ]
Saishu 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\0 Guy
COMBATSYS: Saishu endures Guy's Strong Kick.
[ \\\\ < > /// ]
Saishu 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\1 Guy
Saishu evolves.
Still, his expression fails to change much overall.
"Oh, yeah?" huffs the battered old man. "Well--"
He pauses, blinking blearily.
"--your mother."
Then he tries to backhand Guy.
COMBATSYS: Saishu can no longer fight.
[ \\\ <
Guy 1/-------/=======|
COMBATSYS: Guy interrupts Medium Punch from Saishu with Houzantou.
[ <
Guy 1/-----==/=======|
Guy, still with lingering bits of flame on him, ducks and spins.
Saishu's punch clips him.
Guy's backhand into Saishu's gut does more than clip.
He pauses for a moment afterward, totally exhausted, in a crouch, and then he stands.
"No, your mother."
In sharp contrast, he doesn't fall down.
"...no... *your*... m..."
Saishu has failed to form a complete retort! WINNER: GUY!
-----------------------------
=============================== Health for Guy ===============================
Health: 0% Reserve: 0% Super: 62%
DMs: 0 uses of 1 remaining.
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Log created by Saishu, and last modified on 07:51:31 12/04/2005.