Description: Story time part deux from Isamu's POV because I was out doing the RP thing by smacking around Xiangfei for a thousand dollars. The Orochi arc.
Ryuji Yamazaki ponders Storytime II.
Guy says, "Storytime?"
You say, "Ooh, Storytime!"
Ryuji Yamazaki nods solemnly.
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Storytime."
Ryuji Yamazaki ponders Storytime II.
Guy says, "Storytime?"
You say, "Ooh, Storytime!"
Ryuji Yamazaki nods solemnly.
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Storytime."
Kula plops down with a pillow and a blanket. o_o
Isamu dittos.
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Just two for storytime today?"
Kain returns with popcorn.
Cammy hangs upside down from a branch of her tree. =_=
Ryuji Yamazaki cracks his knuckles.
Guy sits down and cleans his ears out.
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Once upon a time, because Union Rules demand that it start that way, there was a great and powerful god. This god was an angry, cruel, and heartless god that demanded sacrifice from the people of the world, and he would often descend from the heavens, and periodically eat a few, because it's rather like stopping by the convenience store on your way home from work to pick up a cold one and some beef jerky. Granted it's not much of a meal, and you're not going to pick up any chicks with a piece of beef jerky and a beer, but hell, maybe that's why this god was Angry. Anyhow, his name was 'Orochi'."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Now, Orochi was a rather unpleasant fellow. None of the other gods would play with him, because he talked with his mouth full of virginal maidens, and had some awful flatulence. Virginal Maidens cause some extremely bad gas, and so he was exiled to Earth, because Phenomenal Cosmic Power still does not equate to Beano. Stuck on Earth Orochi decided to make a total nuisance of himself. "Whoa. Like, the 'Rents kicked me out of the house. Can I like, crash at your place?" He asked of a townsperson. That house was the one owned by the Yasakani clan. They were very emo."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Now, everyone knew what a terrible houseguest Orochi could be. And the Yasakani clan, a bunch of redheaded nitwits who were alays trying to keep up with the Joneses, knew that if they could put up with the big jerk for a while, they could match the mystical flames of the Kusanagi, which weren't so much mystical as it was just a lot of bad hygiene and standing near open flame. Still, Orochi promised them massive power in exchange for a futon and the occasional virgin. As emo as the yasakani were, they had a glut of those."
Isamu hehs!
Kula says, "Futons?"
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Well, to make a long story short, Orochi choked on a virgin who tasted a lot like Spam. Processed luncheon meat is actually one of the banes of Orochi's existance, but KOF96 would have been extremely short if some person beaned Goenitz in the face with a handful of Spam and killed him outright. I mean, if that happened, it'd be a good ten minutes of watching Kyo and Terry thumbwrestle. So. Anyhow, Orochi died, and his spirit flew in many different directions, and manifested itself in many different people."
Isamu gasps, "...Spam is evil."
Guy says, "Well, duh."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "So, fast forward about, oh, let's say 1000 years. SNK can't count anyhow. Mai has been twenty for ten years. One day, a modern Kusanagi was walking down the road, hitting kids in the face because he's a giant jerk, and promoting underage drinking and fornication. And he met up with the all powerful Goenitz. Goenitz was a swell guy, and was well versed in reading and writing, and was basically a pleasent fellow if you ignore that whole ending the world thing. And he said to Kusanangi, "I am the Herald of Orochi! Feel my power and beware!" And so naturally Kusanagi didn't, and got his ass ventilated. After that, he was a little more inclined to follow what Goenitz had to say. "Find the other Hakkeshu for me, and I won't turn your girlfriend into a decorative planter." He was lying of course, and Kyo knew that, but he didn't want to see Yuki turned into a planter. Maybe a neat endable or something."
Guy says, "I would turn my girlfriend into a delightfully matched pair of bookends."
Mr.Big says, "What?"
Mr.Big pouts at Cammy.
Mr.Big says, "Boobie bookends?"
Cammy does a handstand in Big's direction. "They're talking about the story Yamazaki's telling. About Orochi and stuff."
Mr.Big says, "Ooh, story time again?"
Guy says, "I was thinking more like a cow and a bull, or a hotdog and a burger."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "So Kusanagi went out into the wide, wide world, and went to look for Hakkeshu. Whatever those were, Goenitz wasn't exactly great about giving directions or information and such things. He was lucky Goenitz didn't hand him an IHOP kids menu. Still, Kusanagi KNEW he could find all the Orochi in time, because Yuki's half-personality depended on it!"
Guy says, "Can I have some pancakes, Uncle Yamazaki?"
Isamu laughs.
Mr.Big says, "Dirty Uncle Yamazaki."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Kusanagi wandered down the road, and thought and thought. What was he to do? It wasn't like Orochi just fell out of the woodwork. Right? Wrong. Apparently, the first one immediately hopped out of the bushes. Well. Sort of. She stuck a leg out, so that he fell flat on his face. Kusanagi looked up. And Up. And Up. Legs that seemed to go on forever, and a body capable of inducing Bishops to riot and kill the Pope. Eyes like deep, dark pools of blue, hair like saffron and boobs... okay, it was Mature, alright. Pardon uncle Yamazaki while he goes to take a cold shower....... Okay. Back. Anyhow, yes. Kusanagi met up with Mature. "I will bring you to Goenitz!" Kusanagi called, furiously, ready to fight, and Mature shrugged. "Sure. Find my partner, Vice, and I'll come along. I think she's chasing cars in traffic again."
Mr.Big says, "Oh, subquest."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "So, Kusanagi and Mature went downtown to find Vice, who was busy chewing on the fender of a '67 Studebaker. "Oh crap! That's a classic! Mature said, whipping out a calculator to see if R could pay for the insurance." She peered at Kusanagi testily. "Get her off that car! I won't be able to hack a fifth week at Club Med!" Kusanagi took a deep breath, and jumped in. Then got punched in the balls. Vice was in a pretty bad mood because she had dropped her Prozac in the toilet this morning while brushing her teeth. Well, that's what Mature told her. Mature actually did it for fun."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Now, say what you will, even the mighty Kusanagi flames are no match for being punched in the balls. That's just how life is, especially when you factor into account that Vice can punch through the armored hull of battleships. I'll pause for a bit while you cross your legs. Now, faced with the dilemma of facing down an angry Vice, Mature did the best she could, and tied a Shingo doll at the end of a stick. Tying the stick to the back of Kusanagi's head, she found that Vice would follo him anywhere, as long as Kusanagi remembered to jiggle the stick so it looked like Shingo was alive."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "So, Kusanagi had collected two Orochi, but the greatest challenges were yet to come. Betwen Mature shooting spitballs at the back of his head, mostly because she felt like being a bitch, and Vice chewing on his head because she WAS a bitch, he was suffering from some pretty serious blood loss when he finally ran into Yashiro. "Hah! GHEY!" Shouted Kusanagi, who promptly got a guitar in his kisser."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "When the stars finally died down, Kusanagi realized he was facing some serious peril. Mostly, he couldn't go fifteen minutes around Yashiro without shouting 'Ghey!'. This was a serious problem, see. Because, like. Yashiro was totally Ghey. "Look, you flamer, I'll come with you to find this Goenitz guy, but you have to get Shermie out of the bathroom. She's such a girl. She went to the toilet in 1997, and she only came out ONCE in 1998, and then again in 2002, and I haven't been able to get her out since."
You say, "...Wow. Shermie must of eaten too much cheese."
Kula says, "She must be trying to add mascara, and can't find her face."
Mr.Big says, "She has chronic diahriah."
You say, "That, or major constipation."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "I can't go in there! That's the GIRL'S BATHROOM!" Kusanagi said, whining, and Yashiro beaned him in the back of the head with a guitar. "Then you'll fit right in," Yashiro said, and he tossed Kusanagi into the women's restroom. Kyo gasped as he saw the glory of the women's restroom. It was plush, where birds sang, the sun shined, and the carpet was of the softest fabrics, and the air was clean. And in the middle of the paradise was Shermie, playing cards with Chris."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Go fish," Shermie said to Chris, and Chris nodded. SNK had put them both in the girl's bathroom for the past three years because of the embarrassing incident in 2002. Something about switching outfits just for a joke, and some people not being a fan of it. Kusanagi stared at the two, and pointed. "You will follow me, or Yuki will be turned into a planter!" "Shermie, why do we care if that dirty whore is turned into a planter?" Chris grumbled, "I mean, she get more publicity than we do, and she was in KOF97 for, what, five seconds in one ending?" Shermie shrugged. "Well, it depends. Is Yashiro still wearing that gay outfit I told him to wear? For Gods sake! It was a JOKE! He still wears it to bed, doesn't he?"
Isamu laughs. Poor Yashiro.
Yashiro T_T
Akira says, "Yash....I think they are making a valid point about your outfit. ._."
Shenwoo says, "Well, it's really just the choker with the heart on the front."
Ash says, "At least my insinuated lack of manliness is because I look like a woman."
Shenwoo says, "I mean, that's... That's kinda homo."
Yashiro kills everybody. >_<
Shingo says, "Says the guy who walks around without a shirt on the same team as the homo."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Kusanagi groaned. He had enough trouble trying to get guys to keep clothes on. Now he had to get someone to take OFF his clothes? This was totally yaoi, but he could redeem himself with hot monkey love with Yuki, so it'd only be SORT of gay. After a brief scuffle and a lot of screaming, Yashiro found himself in Vanessa's lowrise pants and bellyshirt and tie. Don't ask where Kusanagi got Vanessa's bellyshirt, pants, and tie."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Kusanagi found himself humming happily that this was going so well. Well, aside from the periodic kicks in the wang by Vice, Mature poking him in the back of the head asking if it annoyed him, and Yashiro sobbing that he no longer felt pretty. But there was one Orochi left to pick up. And who was that, might you ask? Why, none other than your Uncle Yamazaki! Well, I was lighting up a cigarette, just enjoying my life and not worrying about psychotics and gay people, when this little brat shows up at my door."
Guy says, "This won't end well."
Isamu uh ohs
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "We're here to get all you Orochi, so my girlfriend won't be turned into a planter!" Kusanagi said to me in that geeky little voice, and well, really. I considered that. I mean, after all, I really do think she'd make a better looking footlocker, or garbage can. But hey. That's my opinion. But the offer intrigued me. "Whaddya got?" I asked. "An ear full of Mature's spit, gaping headwounds, and guitar scars," Kusanagi answered. Which was all fine and dandy, but you can't really get too far with those."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Everyone agreed: Denny's was awesome. Mature didn't eat anything because she complained that everything was too greasy, so Vice ate for both of them, and then ate Chris. Shermie decided to dump Yashiro for a paperweight, and Yashiro went on to become an advice columnist for Tiger Beat magazine. As for me? Well, I went and told Goenitz that the whoel ressurecting Orochi business sucked ass, so we went to a nudie bar, got wasted, and woke up in New Jersey in a hotel room with sixteen strippers."
Mr.Big says, "Rock on Goenitz!"
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "The end."
Guy says, "Hooray strippers!"
Isamu snickers!
Guy says, "That was the bestest story ever.."
Isamu claps!
Ryuji Yamazaki bows.
Mr.Big says, "I'm glad that story had a happy ending."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Tune in next time for my rendition of Final Fight."
Log created by Shingo, and last modified on 12:10:05 06/23/2005.