Description: Story time with Uncle Yamazaki! This is what happens when you don't RP. Let this be a lesson to you all. RP whenever you can and don't get sucked into the OOC Cafe.
motm - Thursday, June 16, 2005, 4:38 PM
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Ryuji Yamazaki puts on a puppet show for Kula. "This is the story about the Snow Princess, and the evil, bad, emperor, Shingo."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Once upon a time, there was a wicked Emperor Shingo, who had perverse, but repressed seuxal lust for women to the point where he had so many nosebleeds, his royal inventors created something called a 'nose tampon', which we won't go into here."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "So terrible was his repressed urges, that he forced himself to hang around with men. He had a great army of powerful warriors, but his royal guard were all prettyboys, who were either so feminine, they looked like women, were 'flamers', or just grunted a lot and wore no shirts."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Now, in a far off kingdom, called of Egg, there lived a pretty little princess that came about after an industrial accident at a genetics lab... but everyone loved her anyway. She was the greatest magical princess in all the land. So said her kind and generous emperor, who seriously was not meglomaniacal, and not bent on bending the Universe to his very will. (This message has been brought to you by the Council for Promoting NESTS interests)"
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "One day, the Court Jester With No Pants And Entirely Too Much Cleavage (We'll call her Nopants for short), told the Snow Princess of a magical land, filled with many things to see and do, such as rock concerts, malls, Cadillac Escalades, and strange women that would do ANYTHING you wanted for $100.00, or more, for 15% gratuity. The snow princess was excited! She had to see this world for herself."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "So, the young magical princess set out on her way. Along with her, she took her closest friends. A sailor girl, whose bravery was renowned throughout the wide world, and whose legs were probably the basis of three major religions. A young martial artist, who came from a far off land where there was no such thing as elastic chest support. And a woman with a really big head, who we'll call Big Head."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, ""Where shall we go first?" Asked the young princess, who knew nothing of the ways of the wide world. The chesty martial artist thought for a while, and her eyes lit. "We shall go to a wonderful market, where everything from stand up cutouts of Dr. Evil and odd smelling soaps, to stores that sell those useless massage chairs that probaby help with the lower back pain that I constantly experience." The snow princess didn't understand, but Big head nodded, and said 'Word up'. That sounded good, so, off they went."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "In the meanwhile, the evil Emperor Shingo was restless. His armies were bored, and having no women, had turned to slow dancing with one another, having run out of beer. Since they were all men, none of them knew how to clean, cook, or even pay for cable, so Emperor Shingo's lands fell into disarray, and smelled a lot like socks. Angry at his minions, he decided to make a trip to the SAME magical market. To buy a hand broom, or a dutsbuster, or something from Sears that would get rid of that awful smell."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "When the Snow Princess arrived, she was amazed at the sight! Jester Hugeboobs Nopants had not embellished! The tales were true, and she turned to her friends. "We have indeed reached the promised land! How shall we spend the day, my dearest companions?" "I gotta move my feet to the crazy Hip Hop Beat!" Shouted Bighead, and so, there was much rejoicing, especially when Bighead slipped on a 'convenient' patch of ice, and knocked herself out, because, Christ, does she ever shut up?"
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "As Bighead took a nap, The Sailor Girl and Chesty McKarate decided to go get a snack and discuss important matters, such as lipstick, or bra sizes, or whatever the hell women talk about when guys aren't around. How the hell should I know? For all I know, they're talking about stock tips. Seriously. Anyhow, they managed to procure two items: a flavorful treat of sticky buns, and the magical elixer that the land of Egg had only in powdered form: Milk."
Shingo booos.
Kain smacks Shingo in the back of the head. "Quiet."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "As the young girls enjoyed their meal, Emperor Shingo appeared in a puff of smoke. He also waves a zippo lighter around menacingly, too, having not mastered the 'fire' part of 'fire and brimstone'. So, well, basically he appeared with a massive fart smelling cloud, which was par for the course, seeing as Emperor Shingo's land smelled like feet, if you forgot. And seeing the women, his head nearly detonated from perverse, repressed sexual lust. So, he ran off to Spencer's Gifts for a while and humped a cutout of Marilyn Monroe for a good fifteen minutes. Naturally, he had to pay for it, which didn't help his mood when he finally returned."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, ""What the hell was that?" Asked the Sailor Girl, who took a moment or two to kick under the table for the perverts trying to look up her itty bitty dress. The snow princess shook her head, She didn't know! Milk in hand, she approached Emperor Shingo's menacing form. "Milk, sir?" She asked sweetly as Chesty McKarate laid down on the food court bench. She would need a chiropractor and a truss if this kept up. She resolved to tie buckets to her chest as soon as she returned home."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, ""I AM THE GREAT EMPEROR SHINGO, AND... holy smokes. Do those legs go all the way up to your neck? And could those BE any bigger? Mother pus bucket! I can't stand up straight!" Emperor Shingo said, flopping over onto the ground, wriggling in sweet agony. Good thing pants were on sale in Pennys. The women stared. Such a strange man. The snow pricess tilted her head. Shingo smelled funny, and she crouched to peer at him. "Is that a no? I can't tell." She asks, blinking so cutely that Shingo developed five cavities and diabetes."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, ""Oh, I don't know," said the sailor girl. "He's sort of cute." The sailor girl went to see, and gave Emperor Shingo a smile, and his pants promptly exploded with the force of 1000 suns. "He is!" Said Chesty, who managed to fashion a crude support gartment out of approximately 1,300 napkins. And Shingo's ears bled. But as he saw the Snow Princess's glass of frosty milk, he screamed with terror. "NO! He cried! Not that!" And the princess blinked cutely, causing someone to get pancreatic cancer."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "Just then, Bighead arrived in her usual percussive fashion, with a mystical elixer named 'Zima' in her hand. "What up, beotches? Bighead in the house on a brand new mission! Gonna take some sticky buns outta commission!" And she rushed in, tripping over a long and suspiciously pretty leg. Bighead fell onto the Snow Princess, and dropped her bottle of Zima as well. The milk flew in the air, combining with the Zima to form POISON. And it fell on Shingo."
Ryuji Yamazaki says, "When the milk and Zima hit Shingo, the evil Emperor MELTED. He thrashed, he screamed, he cried bloody murder. He got gunk all over everyone's nice, new clothes, and totally ruined Chesty's hair. The Snow Princess sat up, and scratched her head as all that was left was a pair of magic blue gloves, which Bighead promptly ate. There was an uncomfortable silence. "So who wants to play mini-golf?" Asked the sailor girl, and they all cheered, and had lots of fun, especially when Chesty got her boobs caught on the windmill. The end."
Zaki says, "I like that ending."
You say, "..."
You say, "That story so sucked."
Isamu liked it too!
You say, "I want my money back."
Isamu says, "Uncle Yamazaki tells the best stories!"
Zaki says, "It only sucked because you got melted, Shingo. Shut up."
Ryuji Yamazaki will now tell you the story of the two pretty, lonely Duchesses that worked for a dark, evil lord, and the tub of pudding on hot summer night and.. oh look. Outta time...
Log created by Shingo, and last modified on 15:51:33 06/16/2005.