Description: Yuri Sakazaki is quite the scrapper. From whiney kidnapping victim to whiney fighting victim, she has come quite a long way in her life. Under the astute training of the Kyokugen way as well as her just sort of picking up whatever she sees that looks nifty and bastardizing it into some twisted abomination of the technique it once was, Yuri has come a long way... and Saturday Night Fight has decided to test /exactly/ how far she's come by pitting her against two rough and tumble customers: the British brutish brawler Birdie, and the toughest AMERICAN spydoctor in the entire world, Dr. Tran. Yet, even with how far Yuri has progressed, even this might be too much for the young scrapper to bear... and so SNF officials have also outfitted her with a remote, one-use only defribrillator to jolt the girl back to life if the need arises. Yes, it's Yuri Sakazaki, world-renowned "little girl" and greatest up-and-comer of all, versus two violent men! What could possibly go wrong?! (Winners: Tran/Birdie)
"Who's... Doctor Tran?"
Yuri Sakazaki is mostly just confused. "And Birdie? I've never even heard of her." She's being led out of her dressing room by a considerable entourage of grim-faced emergency medical technicians, some of whom are, per contract requirements, dressed as Ken, Ryu, or E.Honda. "Guys, why won't you answer me?!" Yuri, in the middle of the clot of people, looks left, looks right, balls her fists up, waves them in little circles in front of her chest. "GUUUUUUYYYYYYYYEEEEEIIIIIIIEEEEEEYYYYYYS!"
One of the E.Hondas turns toward her, and the whole crowd stops. "Listen, kid... maybe you just want to... silently reflect on what you've loved most in life for a bit before this fight."
Yuri squints, rolling this statement over in her head. "Oh my god, no way, you creepo!" she cries, slapping at Fake-Honda's massive floppy man-tits. "Nice try, but I'm like sixteen, you skeeze, and you're like nine hundred! Gross! Besides, you're so fat! You're the worst Jesus-on-the-Cross cosplayer I've ever seen! You don't even have the holes in your hands!"
The fake E. Honda stares at Yuri, dumbfounded, for a long moment. "...c'mon, guys," he says, dropping his end of the gurney. "Let's go to DQ."
The medical crew begins to disperse, wandering away from Yuri, muttering. As she watches them go, one straggler stops, and seems to look for something to say -- and then just thrusts something at her and hurriedly walks off. Yuri looks at the delivered cargo in her hands: "A defibrillator?"
Shrugging and walking the rest of the way to the arena floor, still carrying the defibrillator, Yuri lifts a triumphant fist up to the crowd -- who respond with a kind of slow, mournful groan, like in 'Knowing' when Nic Cage knows the terrible future... but is helpless to stop it.
COMBATSYS: Yuri has started a fight here on the left meter side.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Yuri 0/-------/-------|
Who is Dr. Tran? The question thousands, nay millions of inquiring minds across the globe have asked themselves. Who is he? How can a man such as he, so bold, so sexy, so dangerous, even exist? It doesn't seem possible, and yet it so plainly is.
The mystery man himself appears to be dead.
Lying face down in the middle of the arena, in a reddish pool of liquid that has long since ceased spreading, Dr. Tran has clearly breathed his last. Perhaps it has served to put the crowd 'in the mood' so to speak. There's already been one death; nobody is really eager to see another.
However, if there is one truth in this world, it's that nobody performs miracles like Dr. Tran. With a loud groan, he stirs, returned to life by some dread necromancy. He is no longer a man but instead a shambling corpse, with circles under his eyes, an unhealthy palor, and an insatiable hunger for flesh. Shattered bits of glass fall from his chest as he rises, giving a glassy stare to the crowd, no doubt paralzed by the horror of the sight.
"What are you looking at?" Tran speaks, his voice sounding surprisingly healthy for a zombie, albeit still with a tinge of weariness. "I tripped and broke my bottle of tabasco. Stop making such a big deal of this, it's been done a million times and I'm way too tired to care right now so let's just get this execution over with."
Birdie is a large man. A large black man that can easily be mistaken for things such as 'walls' and 'lamps. Coming towards the Arena today, he heard he had to fight with a man named Tran. Sure enough, Birdie was going to meet one of his old allies in a so called alliance that paid the worst for what kind of crazy shit it had to offer.
Then again, they're both fighting a little girl.
Bursting into the arena floor by walking directly through a wall, Birdie is finishing a burger with full debris and lead, snorting as he makes his way out towards the center of the arena towards Tran's Tabasco puddle. There, Birdie takes off the top of his burger and dips it right into it.
Taking a nice bite out of the burger and glass about it, Birdie grunts.
"Needs more glass. What the fuck are we doing again?"
Yuri drops the defibrillator with a 'klonk' and puts her hands on her hips dramatically. "You jokers don't look so TOUGH!" the loudmouthed teenager cries, her voice like the squeak of an unoiled wheel being dragged down a chalkboard. "I beet up /street hooligans/ for breakfast -- and my Daddy beats up /nerds/ for lunch! And then we turn the leftovers into a /casserole/ for /dinner/! And it's /delicious/! For my /fists/!" Yuri then punctuates yelling about her fists by throwing a kick into the air.
The audience, for their part, is mostly just confused by Yuri, and no doubt her mother is spinning in her grave with such force that her headstone may launch out of the ground at any moment.
"I'll try not to make it too /embarassing/ for you two!" Yuri says, tightening her headband -- and then spins around, lifting her gi and slapping her stirrup-pants-clad ass. "NOT!"
LATE LAST NIGHT
Dr. Tran, in a stunning turn of events, has been drinking. He is also managing a halfway civil conversation. "Yeah, I keep this tabasco on me in case I need to spice something up /fast/." "I bet you a beer you can't drink it all in one go." "You're on."
NOW
Dr. Tran, sensing something is still off, looks from the puddle on the floor, to Birdie, to Yuri, whose chatter sounds to him much like a high-pitched, annoying birdsong. "Didn't I win the bet...?" He looks down at his chest, and tugs a fragment of glass out of it. It spurts. "Could've sworn I finished the bottle off. But then..."
Tran looks at Birdie again, an expression of digust and horror slowly spreading across his face. He quickly covers it up by moving into action, bringing his hands up tight like a boxer and lashing out with a few quick, careful blows at Yuri, who by this point sounds like less of a bird and more of a tiny Mexican dog, unable by its very nature to stop yapping constantly.
COMBATSYS: Tran has joined the fight here.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////////]
Yuri 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Tran
Birdie just looks towards Yuri. There's very little things that can calm a beast. Especially a beast such as Birdie. A raging bull. Nothing can stop a raging bull. Except a melody. A song. Something to soothe it.
Yury's voice is like a red cape on the most powerful anti-bird song added to the butt slap. It's all so enticing. It's like someone painted a target upon the field of battle and the target is slapping its ass at Birdie in an attempt to provoke him.
It certainly worked. Without any provocation before hand, Birdie grins a shit eating grin and prepares to rush Yuri's ass into the ground, exploding across the ground like a beef bullet with head seeking missiles, attempting to send his head and hair hurling into Yuri's target.
COMBATSYS: Birdie has joined the fight here on the right meter side.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////////]
Yuri 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Birdie successfully hits Yuri with Bull Head.
Grazing Hit
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/-----==|==-----\-------\0 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Yuri dodges Tran's Dr. Tran's Buttle Punch.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/-----==|==-----\-------\0 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-------|
Dr. Tran comes at Yuri, but she's too quick for him -- she cartwheels out of the way of his precise battery of punches, landing in... well, landing after Birdie clips her leg with his haircut, causing her foot to get caught in the hole in his hair and interrupting her gymnastics. She hits the ground hard, and groans as she pushes herself up.
"Nice try," Yuri rasps, coughing, but still mostly intact. "But you two chuckleheads are gonna have to try a LOT harder than THAT!"
Yuri eyes her two targets -- which looks like the easier mark? She makes the obvious choice... and runs toward Birdie, letting out a hideous screech as she swings her arm back and lauches it up -- "YURI CHOU UPPERRR!"
COMBATSYS: Birdie interrupts Yuri Chou Upper from Yuri with Bull Spike.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-------|
Yuri's choice to ignore Dr. Tran is no doubt a wise one, as even though Birdie is a gigantic black man, Dr. Tran is a seasoned foe of all schoolgirls, ever. Who knows what untold horrors he would visit upon her were she to trifle with him? Nobody will ever know now, the once in a lifetime chance has passed, game over, man.
Back over here in reality, Dr. Tran is all too willing to let Birdie basically charge ahead and handle all the heavy lifting. Tran wasn't too keen on getting too close, anyway. What if she has /diseases/, you know how promiscuous and dumb people of her age group are all the time, they might be contagious and Dr. Tran will have to turn into the Lance Armstrong of fighting and then nobody wins.
"I'll just, uh, pass for now. You two have fun, I'm going to...do...a thing. For a second." And so the doctor does, gathering in the natural energy of the world and blah blah blah the air ripples and a couple bits of glass get pushed out of his chest because they ain't shit.
COMBATSYS: Tran gathers his will.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0 Birdie
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/---====|
How odd. There seems to be a giant hole in Birdie's hair! It's rather obvious, apparently, as Yuri's foot sails right through it before she's able to get out of the way. Whoops. It's enough to give the giant brit an advantage that he's obviously going to take. Right as she hits the ground, Birdie's already turning around in anticipation.
He's just in time. Or soemthing like that. Yuri decided that coming at Birdie with his fists was a smart idea. Well, Birdie sure knows how to answer that, even as the monsterous Yuri uppercut lands upon his chin. Both hands grasp Yuri's figure, the monsterous hairdoo coming down in an attempt to cut into Yuri, from there, quickly shoot up before pulling Yuri up and over him, sending her flying behind!
"Gwahahaha! You little runt. You bloody think you can equal us both?" Birdie snorts, "Yeah, yeah. That's a funny little idea ya got there."
"YEARGH!"
Yuri is slashed brutally by the Briton's zany haircut, such that her sporty gi top is cut in two, revealing the blue leotard she wears under the blue stirrup pants. She clutches both halves of her ruined gi, tears welling in her eyes.
SOME TIME AGO
Takuma hands Yuri a gi top. "This isn't Osh Kosh--!" Yuri starts to protest, having had her heart set on the latest child fashions.
"Ugh," Takuma grunts. "It's got magical powers. Or... something."
"WOW!" Yuri squeals, and proceeds to hold it like a cape and run around. Takuma puts his face in his hand.
NOW
"THAT WAS A GIFT FROM MY /DADDY/ YOU /SMELLY ORC/!" The emotional trauma far outstrips the physical damage inflicted, but Yuri runs at Birdie, fists flailing around without rhyme, reason, or discipline -- only for pure instinct to take over, and the girl to turn and leap, ass first, at Birdie's ugly mug.
Thankfully ignorant to what may be the true cause of Yuri's deep-seated emotional damage, and indeed that of every other girl her age, Dr. Tran is free to avoid the core issue: it's all the fault of the parents. Beating them up would be much, much more difficult.
"Shameful, god. I've changed my mind, this is an act of mercy more than anything." Tsking to himself, Tran takes a step or two forward, squinting as he tries to properly gauge distance and windspeed and angle of assault (haha ass get it because yuri's...yuri's butt...and...).
Coming to a satisfactory conclusion, Tran gets a good, running start, and then leaps like a wild tiger if there was any kind of wild tiger that dropkicked girls. Which there might be. Nature is mysterious.
COMBATSYS: Birdie blocks Yuri's En Yoku.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0 Birdie
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/---====|
Yuri is coming at Birdie like how an ant comes at a frog. Surely the ant will bite the frog, perhaps making the initial assault burn and hurt a great deal, but the frog will still devour the ant and continue with its life. Birdie just seems content without making a huge fuss of the situation, instead, moving to laughter to exclaim how he thinks of Yuri's fighting prowess.
"Your dad has bad taste. Think I just saved you a huge load of problems, chick-a-dee." Birdie snorts, pushing her aside as if she had just told him his dog died or something of the sort. Or maybe her clothing died. Something except Yuri's ass.
Which comes right at Birdie. Speak of the devil. Both arms come up to cop a fe-block the assault out of the air, the tush softly crushing against Birdie's massive ham hocks. There, the behemoth grunts as he attempts to grab a hold of this Yuri.
"Well if I'm an orc you're gonna be a bloody astronot." Then Birdie attempts to grab a hold of Yuri's ass and launch her at the cieling.
COMBATSYS: Yuri dodges Tran's Heavy Kick.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0 Birdie
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/---====|
COMBATSYS: Yuri dodges Birdie's Strong Throw.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0 Birdie
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/---====|
SOME TIME AGO
"To learn Kyokugen," Takuma says, "is to tame a force of nature."
Yuri is already excitedly running toward the family station wagon, keys in hand. "I can't believe martial arts training means I get to /drive/--!" she cries, not really listening to her father.
"To endure the trials of destiny... to overcome the adversity of an unforgiving world... to--"
The car door slams, and Yuri starts the car, not even waiting for her father. Then, from the backseat, a tiger capable of dropkicking schoolgirls roars, lunging over the passenger side. Yuri shrieks -- Takuma, standing at the top of the drive, just smirks.
NOW
And that's how Yuri is able to dodge Tran's kick despite Birdie holding her up by her ass. "LEMME -- GO!" she screeches, using her sheer ass strength to ass-flex her way free of his grip on her ass. She then rubs her sore bottom and frowns. "Listen, in addition to being a MASTER of KYOKUGEN, I also took classes in SELF-DEFENSE at the YWCA!"
Yuri lunges forward to kick Tran in the crotch, perhaps as a message. "SO DON'T TRY ANY MORE FUNNY BUSINESS!"
COMBATSYS: Tran fails to interrupt Fierce Kick from Yuri with Dr. Tran Goes For Broke.
- CRAZY Hit! -
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
"Self-defense classes? Really?" Dr. Tran sounds skeptical as he comes to his feet, after sailing clear past Yurika and Birdie both. "What could they possibly teach you?"
As Tran talks, Yuri is busy, sending her foot on an awful collision course with his package. Dr. Tran takes steps. Step one is to raise a leg so that she has an even better shot at it than she did before. "I mean, isn't you dad oh god my baaaaaalls aghgah"
Step two never comes because Dr. Tran gets nailed squarely in the nads. He falls down, clutching at his poor, violated testicles, writhing about in agony and making a series of noises that are the universal way to say 'my pebbles have been turned to rubble' while incapable of actual human speech.
After a few moments pass, Dr. Tran recovers enough to say, "Oh. Nevermind." The writhing continues regardless.
Birdie... let a piece of ass go?! OH NO. That's horrible. Especially since Yuri announces super amazing classes she's taken. It wows Birdie in every avaiable way to be wow'd. But not in the way that is good nor the way that it is bad. It just wows him.
However, Yuri super nailing Dr. Tran in the nads gives Birdie a feeling that just cannot be extinguished. "W-woah. What in the bloody hell do you think you're... you did what. You bloody nailed him right square in the family jewels." Birdie norts. "Allright, looks like you ain't playing fair!"
Stomping twice, Birdie prepares to launch a full on assault towards Yuri in the form of a monsterous strike, aiming to blow right past and into opposition such as Yuri's ass.
COMBATSYS: Birdie successfully hits Yuri with Aggressive Strike.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ < > /////////////////////////// ]
Yuri 1/-------/=======|====---\-------\0 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
If this was a reality show, someone might come out and yell, "YOU JUST GOT PUNCHED -- IN THE /ASS/!"
As it turns out, Yuri did indeed just get punched in the ass, so hard that it launches her into the air and makes her do a couple flips. Her tuchas so devastatingly touched, she proceeds to land right on it, eliciting a broken "YIPE!" so sharp and piercing that numerous people in the crowd sue SNF later because they think the noise killed their dog miles and miles away.
Yuri slowly stands up, and turns around. "YOU -- YOU BIG /BULLY/!" she cries out. "YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN THAT SKEEZY SKANK /MALIN/!"
Yuri does a series of painful jumps, every flex of her glutes more painful than drowning. It's sufficient to put her /behind/ Birdie -- as she tries to give him a taste of his own medicine with a super fireball to his backside. "DENJIN HAOH SHO KO KEN!"
"YOU JUST GOT PUNCHED -- IN THE /ASS/!"
Dr. Tran lets out this triumphant cry from the floor, where he's just finishing up the last ritual stages of coping with his now broken balls. Even though this is no reality show, Dr. Tran is as real as it gets; he is the /realiest/.
And now that he has recovered, Dr. Tran knows Yuri's weakness. He knows the secret weapon that he needs to unleash to put her down so that he can leave and get wasted and wake up in another ludicrously contrived fight.
Coming to his feet, the doctor moves behind Yuri, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. This involves an unusual amount of whistling, the most innocent thing anybody can ever do. Ever.
Then he kicks at her butt.
COMBATSYS: Yuri successfully hits Birdie with Denjin Haoh Sho Ko Ken.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
Birdie just got Haoh Sho Ko Ken'd in the face.
Before this, life was beautiful. There was his giant black fist punching this girl in the ass and in return getting a nice ol' YIPE. There are very few other things that violence and other such cannot fix. This was a moment of realization for Birdie, as he recoils his fist to much self love.
This doesn't last long, however, as a monsterous fire ball comes to his back side. Birdie's ass... gets burnt. Even as Birdie tries to sit on it. It's a terrible feeling, taking a fireball to the ass. One that leaves Birdie in terrible pain. Such pain that he can do nothing more than run towards Yuri in furious cantor.
"GRAHHH! YOU BLOODY GIT! YOU BURNT MY ASS!" Birdie cries, attempting to blow right into Yuri with a massive boot. "I'M GONNA STEP ON YOU, YOU RUNT!"
Birdie's ass will never be the same.
COMBATSYS: Yuri dodges Tran's Light Kick.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
COMBATSYS: Yuri dodges Birdie's Medium Kick.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
Yuri's derriere is in terrible pain -- even moreso than that one time Robert Garcia offered to show her a sleeper hold, although she may have just dreamed that in a particularly vivid nightmare. Still, she is nimble for someone smarting like the victim of a truly Biblical spanking from Yahweh, and does a jumping split that lifts her up and over Tran's swinging foot. When she touches down, Birdie is already stomping toward her, and she does a graceful backflip, landing in a roll that takes her out of the path of the charging thug.
"You guys are really slow! Were your parents cousins or something?!" Yuri knows it's not cool to make light of incest, but sometimes it's necessary to pull out a 'trump card' to really grind an opponent's face in the dirt. She learned this from watching Yo'Mama with Wilmer Valderrama. "Even if they weren't cousins -- yo' mama's so ashamed of your fighting that when they ask her who her kid is, she says Skullomania!"
Yuri Sakazaki: Ice fucking cold.
Running toward Dr. Tran, Yuri puts all of her might into a surging, speedy uppercut. "Now STAY DOWN!" she cries, voice shrill and intolerable.
COMBATSYS: Yuri successfully hits Tran with Yuri Chou Upper.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////// ]
Yuri 1/------=/=======|=======\-------\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 1/------=/=======|
Dr. Tran's foot goes wide; truly, he can do no right against his most bitter of foes.
Abruptly, he remembers /why/ Yuri (and all of her foul kind) are his most bitter of foes. It is because of shit /just like this/. It is a hard pill to swallow, and it comes at an unfortunate time, because then Yuri sends him flying straight up while simultaneously telling him to stay down.
It is /confusing/.
The only thing left to do is come belly-flopping back down, 120 pounds of /pure man/ named Dr. Richard 'You Shut Your Goddamn Mouth My Mother Is A Saint' Tran. He would even say that middle part if his jaw didn't feel like it had just been dislocated.
What?! Tran's mother being Birdie's mom? Now that's just not fair! Birdie's mom was so much hotter and manlier than Tran's mother. That's a disgusting thought, and an even more insulting idea! How terrible!
Now, Birdie must fight back against Tyranny and little girls everywhere. Even as Tran explodes horribly due to super uppercut of the Yuri, Birdie's already vaulting in close ways to not once more play a game of grab ass. This time Birdie's going for the whole thing of Yuri.
"Ya little bitch!" Birdie snorts, moving to grab her right out of the air and hurl her against the ground like a bag of potatoes. Not even hard boiled potatoes either. Just a sack!
COMBATSYS: Yuri dodges Tran's Dr. Tran's Summer Splash.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////// ]
Yuri 1/------=/=======|=======\-------\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 1/-----==/=======|
COMBATSYS: Yuri dodges Birdie's Medium Throw.
[ \\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////////// ]
Yuri 1/------=/=======|=======\-------\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 1/-----==/=======|
Yuri stands there, looking smug, dusting herself off. She may not have her gi top, but sleeveless spandex leotards still get... kind of dusty, maybe. It's about looking cool. Fortunately, though, she also happens to look /up/ -- and sees Tran falling toward her. "AAAH!" Yuri dives out of the way like Bruce Willis avoiding and explosion, and leapfrogs Birdie's massive hand as it tries to seize her.
"You two are makin' me LAUGH!" Yuri cries, and then forces the most annoying, incredulously fake laugh in the history of verbal communication. "Is that all you got?!" She does her ass-smacking taunt again, and then falls to her knees in pain, biting her lip. It's a moment before she's up again. "But I gave the /nerd/ a taste of my /fist/ -- how about /you/ get one, too, ugly?!"
Yuri again goes for the lunging uppercut -- but this time it's faster -- deadlier -- sexier. Somehow. Maybe it's just the throb of her wounded butt cheeks.
Wow. That laugh. Just, wow. Tran lands flat on his face, but even the stinging pain of failure and also the floor does nothing to cushion the true agony of having to endure that laugh, and perhaps even more than that, knowing that he is completely failing to do anything about it.
For a time, Dr. Tran is still, wondering if it's too late to just leave and try to drink enough to forget this ever happened. "Probably etched directly into my brain. Shit." And so, with a weary sigh, Tran gets to his feet again.
His only solace is that he still cannot understand a single word Yuri is saying, as she now sounds like a dolphin squeaking and chittering. Dr. Tran knows a thing or two about dolphins.
SEA WORLD, MICHIGAN BRANCH, SOME TIME AGO
Mr. Tran, a bright-eyed, excited young man, pays rapt attention to the trainer on his first day interning. "Yeah, yeah, you just gotta know how to handle these little scamps. They start acting up, y'know, and...BAM."
A dolphin goes skipping past on the filthy surface of the water, propelled with unnatural force, making sad crying dolphin noises. Tran looks on in horror.
NOW
Dr. Tran straight up tries to roundhouse kick Yuri in the head.
COMBATSYS: Birdie endures Yuri's Shin! Chou Upper.
[ \\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////// ]
Yuri 0/-------/---====|=======\==-----\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 1/-----==/=======|
She's trying that again? Well, hahaha. Birdie knows the answer to this one. Especially since Yuri is like a jumping bean. She's gotten out of the way of several moves that either combatant wanted to nail her with. Well, the answer to this one is really simple. Birdie's going to have to throw himself out into the way of something stupid.
Yuri comes out with a deadlier, sexier, too hardcore for TV but available with this special offer uppercut directed into his chin. Birdie doesn't go for the ass this time. Instead, he goes for the fist. The punch slams into Birdie's chest, rocketing him up. There's a chain sound, however, as he's sent back. The sound of a chain unravelling. Right under Yuri's feet.
%If Yuri isn't fast enough, she's about to be constricted and pulled up into the air with Birdie before sent down into the ground for a hellish one way trip to HELL.
COMBATSYS: Tran successfully hits Yuri with Strong Kick.
[ \\\\ < > ///////////////// ]
Yuri 1/-------/=======|=======\==-----\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 1/----===/=======|
COMBATSYS: Birdie successfully hits Yuri with Bandit Chain.
- Power hit! -
[ < > ///////////////// ]
Yuri 1/--=====/=======|=======\====---\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 1/----===/=======|
Yuri gets kicked in the head. The temple, to be specific. She stumbles forward in a way that suggests she is no longer really conscious, emitting a three-foot-long streamer of drool as she tips. It's then that Birdie grabs her up in his chain and lashes her into the ground so hard that part of the arena floor shatters. Yuri lays there in the pile. There's no sassing-back, no cries of pain, just an eerie stillness.
It lasts a few long seconds, then a few long seconds more.
IN THE SNF CONTROL ROOM
A heart rate monitor flatlines. "Ah, crap," the producer says around a huge bite of a meaty Blanka Burger, which is really just beef cooked in so much olive oil that it tastes terrible and makes you think you're really eating a member of Blanka's bizarre shorts-wearing yeti species. He jams on a button marked 'IN CASE KID DIES.'
THE ARENA
Yuri's chest jerks upward a couple times, body spasming. This lasts a while longer. Finally, she sputters and coughs as her eyes open, body surging upward. "UUWUGGGHHAAHH!" Yuri cries, looking around in confusion -- and then jumping forward to kick Tran in the head, running on pure electricized-heart instinct. "KYOKUUUGEEEENNNNN!"
COMBATSYS: Yuri has reached umpteenth wind!
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////// ]
Yuri 1/--=====/=======|=======\====---\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 1/----===/=======|
COMBATSYS: Tran interrupts Strong Kick from Yuri with Dr. Tran's Peanut Butter Hula Quest.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////// ]
Yuri 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\====---\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/--=====|
Oh god they actually killed her. The only precaution Dr. Tran was taught at Sea World, the aquatic code that he swore to live by, to preserve and protect the life of all creatures of the sea...BROKEN FOREVER. He's pretty sure Yuri counts.
Oh wait, no, she's ok. That's fine then. And kicking at him. Less fine, as it happens. Thankfully, there's a little known-fact about pure instinct: it's not very good.
Reaching up while Yuri is still basically unconcious, Tran catches the kick roughly in the side, with an audible creak of his ribs. And then he swings her, getting his hips into it to crush her against...well, pretty much anything and everything nearby. BAM, right into the glass around the arena. BAM, right into...the glass again. This place is kinda barren. BAM, into the unyielding wall of flesh that is Birdie. BAM, into the glass again.
It's around here that Tran finally lets go with a sigh. Without a variety of interesting things to smash Yuri into, the whole exercise just felt...lackluster.
Yuri falls to the ground, unconscious due to massive robo-Yuri systems damage. Birdie just looks on, unsure of what actually transpired. Apparently in their rage and hatred of the target she coaxed them a little too far. Then again, taunting bulls and not expecting to get a giant mohawk shoved in your petite ass is not something you go around strutting.
Lo and behold, Yuri explodes upwards in an unnatural, unexplainable fashion. A fashion so unexplainable that Birdie can do nothing but watch as she hawks down towards Tran, moving at a speed that isn't unexpected but also is greatly and grossly impossible. Birdie, on the other hand, watching as if he just turned the channel to Discovery and a program about animal mating rituals is on. Rather disgusted but intrigued, Birdie watches.
He also finishes the rest of his fries his shoved in his pocket. Link is good iron.
It doesn't really bother him Yuri cracking upon him. Somewhat because she hits like a girl. Second of all because he's a mountain of meat. Second point third of all, Yuri is like a volley ball. A really energetic one.
COMBATSYS: Birdie focuses on his next action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////// ]
Yuri 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\====---\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/--=====|
Yuri is just bounced off of so much stuff. It's ridiculous, and Tran's a ridiculous guy for causing this ridiculousness. Still, Yuri isn't really thinking about that. She's more thinking about punching him in the brain as hard as she possibly can, now that bloodflow is returning to important parts of her nervous system.
Finally discarded, Yuri hops up to her feet with surprising agility for someone who was just legally dead. "Nice try!" she rasps at Tran, sounding haggard and exhausted, and actually falling over and getting back up between 'Nice' and 'try!'.
Yuri follows up this grand display by attempting to punch Tran in the hair, but she falls over during that too.
COMBATSYS: Tran blocks Yuri's Aggressive Strike.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////////// ]
Yuri 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\====---\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/--=====|
And now Yuri's following up, and Dr. Tran is just not at all into it. It's pretty plain to see. "I mean, really, what am I doing here? She's obviously been hit so hard she's become retarded, but she's still fighting. This is just brutal, I don't know if I can do this."
As he's talking, Yuri tries to introduce his head to her fist, but Tran reaches a hand up and pushes it away, more inconvenienced than anything else. He doesn't even notice her fall down afterward. "I mean, shit, what does that say about me as a person?" Getting so existential so fast, Tran walks over and leans on the glass, to try to get some perspective.
He might accidentally use Yuri's ass as a walkway on the way. Just sayin'.
Birdie just watches still, still as a birdie on a ledge waiting for his friggen stick. Now, Tran goes hog wild. Super hog wild, and now Yuri seems to have got her mojo back. Something that cannot be allowed!
If Yuri had any mojo to get back anyways. Birdie begins to hulk towards Yuri, even as she launches another all out assault upon poor Tran. Poor Tran, being all out assaulted. So hard the punch she falls over, right into Tran's awaiting arms. And not the romantic way.
"Bloody hell, if we knocked her retarded then what the heck was she before?" Birdie snorts, "I think she's just a damn robot or something. Believe me." Birdie announces as he moves right over towards Yuri and fires a monsterous meteor at Yuri's face.
Just kidding, its a knucle sandwich!
COMBATSYS: Tran successfully hits Yuri with Light Kick.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////// ]
Yuri 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\====---\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
COMBATSYS: Birdie successfully hits Yuri with Strong Punch.
[ \\\\\ < > ////////////////// ]
Yuri 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\=====--\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
Tran steps on Yuri's ass. Normally, this would not hurt so much. Unfortunately, Yuri's ass has been beaten raw, worse even than the time that she mistakenly thought she was signing up for swimming classes and showed up for a three-hour course in Paddling. She seizes, body bending upward into a horrible arch, before she gets up and tries to catch her breath. "Hff... wheeze... haa... I bet... you can't... hit me... I know... Kyokugen--"
Yuri's head is then nearly punched off. She's too woozy to even try to get out of the way -- Birdie's fist, which is like nineteen times the size of her skull, slams into her grill and knocks her right back off her feet.
Spitting up blood, Yuri again forces herself to her feet. "You call... call that... a... a pun... a punch... show you... real... power..." Yuri dazedly staggers forward, and attempts to beat her little fists on Birdie's giant biceps, although her clumsiness offers her surprising force.
Touching his forehead to the cool, smooth glass at the edge of the arena, Dr. Tran thinks. He thinks about what he's done. He thinks about what he might do. He teeters for a moment, still unsure.
Then comes the montage.
Flashing before Tran's eyes is a bizarre and frightening series of unfortunate accidents, from simple beatings to less-simple beatings to things that just made his brain want to crawl out of his mouth and beg for mercy, a sobbing grey heap of wet woe and shame. Only one thing remains constant: a girl between the ages of 14 and 18 is always responsible.
"Fuck it. Probably deserves it anyway." Tran turns, new fire(?) in his eyes, ready to kick some ass, except Yuri's all the way over there throwing herself at Birdie like a meaty pillow, and the doctor's newfound resolve does not extend to crossing the arena.
Instead, Tran lamely kicks a shoe at her while her back's turned and she's gasping like a kazoo.
COMBATSYS: Birdie interrupts Fierce Punch from Yuri with Bull Revenger.
*KNOCKED AWAY*
[ < > //////////////// ]
Yuri 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\======-\1 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
Bulls etc horn etc lets get down to the carnage.
Yuri has it in for both combatants. There's no thinking how long she'll keep on fighting if given the chance. There's no way that Yuri is going to continue to fight unless... well, unless Kyokogen spirit is crazier than steroids, meth and other drugs at once including but not limited to mary jane, heart medication, and alcohol.
Birdie twitches, the girl simply not giving up as she spits up blood in the face of Birdie. Snorting, Birdie just shakes his head. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing chick-a-dee. Not only are ya getting back up after one of my punches, but damn you really think you can land a punch on me? Alright, here's a freebee." Birdie says, simply puffing out his pecs as Yuri delivers a single fist onto Birdie's biceps.
Even with Yuri's surprising force fist, the punch barely takes any wings out of Birdie's sails. It obviously causes Birdie to fall back a bit on his other leg, pushed by the force, but something isn't right. Birdie was preparing for it.
"Cheap cheap." Birdie grins with his shit eating grin before delivering a multitude of head butts to knock Yuri out, only to tie his trademark chain about her neck and send her skyward before back to earth. Reversing direction, he does it again, sending her into the air only to yank to down and into the ground behind him. There, the chain lets go, Birdie recoiling it.
"If you can even still hear me, just give up. Gonna get yourself bloody killed like that if you ain't already dead, lovely."
Yuri thrashes uselessly at Birdie's arm, when suddenly --
-- with a loud 'DOINK,' a shoe baps her in the ass. "Huh--?!" Yuri turns to look --
-- and wakes up two hours later in the hospital, being fed steady injections of morphine every five minutes to keep her brain from trying to think too hard with all of the swelling it's currently suffering.
COMBATSYS: Tran successfully hits Yuri with Small Thrown Object.
[ < > //////////////// ]
Yuri 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|====---\-------\0 Birdie
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/=======|
COMBATSYS: Yuri takes no action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/=======|====---\-------\0 Birdie
COMBATSYS: Yuri can no longer fight.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/=======|====---\-------\0 Birdie
COMBATSYS: Tran has left the fight here.
> //////////////// ]
|====---\-------\0 Birdie
Log created on 18:30:45 07/20/2009 by Yuri, and last modified on 18:50:22 07/22/2009.