Description: Ah, the old 80 - 90's sitcoms. Truly, was there ever anything better? The answer is no, no there is not. They taught important values, like how to engage in whacky hijinks and get away with absolutely no consequences, or how to become an heir to a vast familial fortune by getting in a turf war with some b-ballers who are up to no good outside of the school in your neighborhood. The point is, they helped us all grow into more well-adjusted individuals with a deep-seated connection to reality, and that is why Saturday Night Fight would like to play host to a fantastical tribute to the oldies sitcoms we all know and love. Set in a freakish amalgamation of a plethora of 90's sitcoms 'houses,' Adon, Nagare Namikawa, and Akira Kazama must face off in a surreal TV experience... all while taking part as their most favorite of family sitcom characters!? It's a gripping match you won't want to miss! (Winner: Nagare)
"Places, everyone! PLAAAAACES!"
The television set is already in place for the match. See, the theme was a sitcom. And like all sitcoms, the battlefield was to be the living room of a family abode. The kind of family where two parents and three kids would find a wonderful home. A stairwell in the left rear of the set that leads to another stairwell behind the set. This was the prime location for someone to walk in through, and then 'down' the stairs. On the far left center was the home's doorway, leading to the 'front yard set.' Small decorations were placed by the director to make it clear that there was an outside.
The main room itself had a couch positioned in the dead center, placed right in front of a television set. A small leather chair was to it's left, a green loveseat to it's right. A coffee table was positioned between them all. In the back wall, there was a closet door, a small dresser containing knick-knacks, and several pictures that the director's wife painted. To the far left was the 'entrance' to the kitchen. The set was meant to look as much as a sitcom without going over budget.
Adon, however, was not in position yet. No, he wasn't supposed to come on yet. He was behind the set, waiting by the stairs. His outfit was all set. Yes, he was an utter douche. But had taste. Had culture. He knew the perfect suit. And with that, he waited.
The director motions for all the cameramen, and yells out loudly. "Okay, Jim! Get in position!" The match's judge, dressed up in a tweed suit, enters the set and sits down at the leather chair. Placing a pipe in his mouth, he holds a newspaper, and opens it up. "Okay, Jim! Remember, you are the FATHER. Try to keep in character as much as you can while judging the fight. Akira! Adon! Nagare! Are you all ready! Three! Two! One! Aaaaaaaand ROLL IT!"
The judge just sits there, reading his newspaper, nodding his head.
Everyone is getting in place now that the Saturday Night Fight is going to go on. Even as the normal set is being set up, and how Adon is waiting. Everyone is waiting now for the people to get ready and get moving! Actors have to get going. And here, Nagare, who wasn't sure of his role at first was given a very exciting roll.
This, a vertiable cornicopia of possibilites easily came down to one or two that he would have to play. Even if Nagare didn't fit the stereotype for many of the characters, since wearing a speedo took you out of the running for many of the characters. Nagare asked to wear something a little more form fitting than any other time.
"Since... well, you know. All the other Saturday Night Fights I've had to wear really baggy outfits. That just isn't me!" Nagare confessed, "Okay. I got just the think you're looking for." The costume designer returned.
Now, as Nagare makes his way out onto center stage, he wears a red and blue striped shirt with red underwear tht goes the entire length of his body, completely covering everything but his hands and his legs. He also now wears glasses.
Leaping out center stage with his arms pointed infront of him, he stops in a flex near center stage.
"I am Artie!" Nagare announces, "The strongest man... IN THE WORLD!"
There's a rumble of a motorcycle outside as Akira pulls up. She sits for a moment, in quiet contemplation of the upcoming fight, psyching herself out as much as she's psyching herself up. She raps her fist on her helmet a few times, and then hops off of her bike with a sharp, loud exhale. As she follows the signs to the fighting arena, she looks around, wondering what all the fuss was about, as lighting people scurried around, getting things just right, and the director could be heard asking about the laugh track.
'Laugh track?' Akira thinks, furrowing her brow into a puzzled little face behind the safety of her reflective visor. A stagehand walks past -- "Ehhh, not perfect, but close enough, I guess," he says, shrugging.
Akira stands there, watching the stagehand walk away silently, before she turns and continues onward. As Nagare the Strongest Man in the Pool makes his entrance, the man in the gorilla position grabs Akira by the arm -- "God, that's the best wardrobe could do?! Well, it's too late now, get out there!"
Akira is quite literally shoved out onto the set, stumbling into view, with a muffled "--eeeeeeyyyyyy!" of startlement. The crowd applauds and whoos -- everyone loves Fonzie.
Except for Akira, who never got the memo.
The judge looks up from his newspaper as Artie piles in. Whoooakay. This was Nagare. "Artie, Artie, Artie. For the last time, why don't you wipe your feet before coming in?" There is another wave of laughter shooting out from the 'audience.' "You will catch a death of cold!" Another wave of laughter. As the laughter continues, Akira barges in. The judge looks confused for a moment, before rising up with the Eyyyy. "Akira! My word! Have you been out with your friends again? It is way pass curfew! And with our guest here too!" The judge turns to the stairs as Adon, picking up his cue, begins to descend.
Adon walks down the stairs wearing a thick pair of glasses. Instead of boxers, he wore tight pants draw well up beyond his waist by suspenders. He wore a plaid shirt under a cardigan sweater, and a wide grin. Staggering down the stairs, the audience just howls with laughter. Adon sweeps his cocky grin across the set, checking out Akira and Nagare with utmost confidence.
"HIIII everyBODY!" Adon howled in an high-pitched voice as he locked his hands around his hips. "Especially YOU, AKIRA!" He seethed with a wink. "WINK!" He squeals, winking his eye as he looked over to the camera. "HUBBA HUBBA!"
More canned laughter is unleashed.
Nagare looks towards the judge even as he speaks. He looks the man up and down. Up and down. Pause. Up and down. Pause pause pause. Up and down once more. "Pipes!" Nagare announces in return towards the judge, one of Artie's trademark catchphrases to annoy the adults!
His attention quickly towards Akira who begins eeyyyyyying up the place. EYYYY what a great idea. The laugh track is sort of eery but everything just seems to fall into place. What a great idea. "Hello Fonzie. How are you today?! I am doing great, I feel like I am stronger than before!" Nagare announces as he flexes, his head quickly turning aroudn rapidly to meet ADON dressed as Urkel.
And then he starts his high pitched squeal, Nagare's mouth beginning to pucket out of pure... ANGER?! No! Out of pure disbelief!
"You!" Nagare announces, pointing towards Urkel as he leaps up the stairs, moving towards Urkel to stare him directly in the eyes, "You need to have more... decency and respect! Feel my respect for ladies!" Nagare announces, attempting to grab a hold of Urkel by the suspenders and throw him off the staircase and closer towards the camera.
COMBATSYS: Nagare has started a fight here.
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Nagare 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Adon has joined the fight here in the center.
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Nagare 0/-------/-------|
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Adon 0|-------|-------
COMBATSYS: Akira has joined the fight here in the center.
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Nagare 0/-------/-------|
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Akira 0|-------|------=
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Adon 0|-------|-------
COMBATSYS: Nagare has joined the fight here in the center.
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Akira 0|-------|------=
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|-------
Akira stands still, confused as all hell, scratching the back of her neck as she looks around, wondering why they're fighting in a living room and what the hell happened to Nagare and Adon's brains. Valid questions all, until the violence breaks out. She leans back into an effortless tai chi stance, stepping backward as the other two tangle.
Akira is ready for whichever one comes out on top -- until she trips over a concealed camera cable, stumbling backward into the next, immediately adjacent set, where an antique Coke machine sits. It conveniently stops Akira's bumbling, mostly because she slams backward into it -- her elbow striking it so hard that a glass-bottle Coke rattles out. As the crowd cheers the classic reference, Akira slowly begins to piece together what's happening.
COMBATSYS: Akira focuses on her next action.
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Akira 0|-------|------=
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|-------
COMBATSYS: Adon endures Nagare's Quick Throw.
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Akira 0|-------|------=
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|------=
"WHOOAAAAOAOOOAOOAOAA!?!?!"
Urkel finds himself being gripped by the suspenders. My god, Adon was in heaven. Not because Nagare was grappling him. In his dark alone time as a young man, he would occassionally take time off to watch Family Matters. And on that show, his favorite character was Urkel. Like Urkel, he was an awkward young man. And like Urkel, he was routinely beaten by a large man. Or would have. Sagat was terrible.
As Adon is hurled away, he seems to comically tumble through the air. The judge, shaking his head, steps back. "Both of you boys stop rough housing in the house!" Canned laughter. The Nerd of Muay Thai stumbles hard into the loveseat, knocking it over as he flails through the air again. The Camera pans, shuttling off and over to follow the flying geek. Adon keeps flying over towards the coke machine... and Akira.
Righting himself over, Adon frontflips. Winding his right foot up to his ear, he tenses it, and simply smashes it down, trying to crater it into the helmet of the poor fonz. "URRRRRRKEL KEEK" The man wheezes as his heel launches down, arcing a wave of orange energy behind it.
W-woah?! What is going on. Even as Nagare graspes Urkel, well, its all different. This all makes no sense! It's entirely new and exciting?! By rehashing old shows. Yeah. That's great.
"Look! Ho ho ho! My strength is great!" Nagare cries as he throws Adon forward, even as Adon frontflips diretly towards Akia through his own power. But that is ignored for the constant flexing that Artie does.
But wow, he's really going down towards Akira. Well, there is one thing that Artie can do even as Urkel Adon front flip kicks right towards Akira, which seems to she trips before smacking a coke bottle. Well now, Nagare knows what to do!
Grabbing hold of the stair case itself before pulling up a stair, straining as he does.
"ARTIE... IS STRONG!" And then, pulling it up, peices of wood explode around, threatening to smack Akira right in the forhead.
COMBATSYS: Nagare successfully hits Akira with Thrown Object.
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Akira 0|-------|-----==
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|-------
COMBATSYS: Akira interrupts Jaguar Kick from Adon with Gate Elbow.
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Akira 0|-------|---====
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|---====
"Hu--ungh!" Akira scrambles as the stairs explode in her general direction. She attempts to shield herself from the debris, but she can only do so much -- while busy cleverly slapping the pieces with nails out of the air before they can assail her like poisonous darts fired from blowpipes by agents of the diabolical Dr. Fu Manchu, she neglects to shield herself from the bigger pieces. Luckily, she's wearing a helmet, but it can only do so much when she's pelted with a big chunk of stairs, bouncing off of her shielded head with a 'bonk' sound effect.
Akira is suitably disoriented by this, spinning around on one heel like a top that just had its cord pulled. By the time she finally rights herself, though, Akel is charging at her, swinging his horrifying axe kick -- unsure of what to do on such short notice, Akira just goes with her gut instinct, and swings a fist up. As Adon's heel connects with her helmet, knocking it askew and pushing the visor down way too far, Akira's gloved fist surges upward, attacking the underside of his Muay Thigh.
"Uhgh-- uhcanb -- mssr -- /see/!" she says, half intelligibly, but the apparent 'Mister Cee' makes everyone applaud anyway.
There is one thing the set was built for: abuse. As The Strongest Man In The World tears up the stairs, the judge inspects it, with a mock look of outrage. "Artie, no! I just paid for the last billed!" Canned laughter. "I mean bill!" Canned laughter. Nice work there, judge, you are really earning your keep here. Could you believe that this guy was one of the Zombies in Day of the Dead? No kidding.
Anyways, as Urkle piles in on the Fonz, he manages to rattle her senseless. Though not in the way he hoped. Her tai chi jab introduces a whole new world to the nerd of Muay Thai. Tai Chi. That move was very familiar to the fighter, which was bad news for Akira. As he flails backwards, he smashes into a coffee table, breaking it and it's contents down. Adon lies there, before gazing around sheepishly
"Diiiiiid I do THAT?!!?!"
Canned Laughter.
As Akira is still muttering, the geek launches right back up. See, Adon was rolling off a loss against another Tai Chi expert: Chun Li. Chun Li, however, did quite a number on Adon. You could say that she messed him up badly. This put the Jaguar in a bad mood. And luckily, here was a weaker version of Chun-Li. "How about a LITTLE BIT of the SODIE POP, BUDDY old PAL!" Urkle howls as he bounded back towards the girl. Picking up speed, he dives to the side. Position himself so Akira is position between Adon and the Soda Machine, the Nerd of Muay Thai shoots through the air into a flying knee. If he contacts, he will simply drive himself and the WEAK Chun-Li hard into the soda machine.
To break her.
Nagare watches as Akira finds Adon and the debris,but even weirder is the speed at which she moves. Almost too impressive. The bonk sound effect is really well placed however, causing Nagare to falter even for such a talented actor as he! He almost looses it, even in th middle of a fight. It really puts everything into perspective.
This just sets the stage for Akira to come down upon Adon... or at least stop him! Nagare flexes once more for good measure before he watches as Akira crushes into Adon's stomach, knocking the man away. Wow. This is really getting intense and he's in the fight himself!
Now Artie, well, Artie does what he does best. Jumping down and turning towards the Livingroom wall towards the Kitchen, he begins to push. And push. AND PUSH.
"I WILL REMOVE THIS KITCHEN FROM THE LIVING ROOM. For I am Artie!"
Strike a pose.
"THE STRONGEST MAN... In the world!"
COMBATSYS: Nagare takes no action.
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Akira 0|-------|----===
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|---====
COMBATSYS: Akira blocks Adon's Medium Kick.
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Akira 0|-------|----===
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|---====
Akira pulls up on her helmet valiantly, finally getting it settled properly just in time for Adon to attack. She lets out another muffled, wordless noise of surprise, but is quick to react. As Adon's knee surges toward her, she brings her hands in close, folding her arms tightly, and with stunning reflexes, she swings her leg back just as impact is imminent. Her stance forms a right angle, leaning into the attack but using her straightened leg, held stiff against the face of the soda machine, bracing her against the thrust of the blow.
As Adon's knee slams into her palms, it still hurts like the dickens, but Akira is able to keep herself from being moved. Still, such an awkward pose is just as exploitable, which is why she immediately swings out of it, bringing her leg up to try and catch Adon before he can recover fully. Her form is flawless, although her timing may be off -- no one said Tai Chi was incredibly easy to do in motorcycle leathers, although that doesn't stop Akira from trying, letting a series of kicks cascade toward Adon.
All the while, her hands smarting through the gloves, Akira clutches her palms with her fingertips -- with her thumbs remaining outstretched. The signature Fonzie thumbs-up!
COMBATSYS: Adon endures Akira's Dancing Cyclone Kick.
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Akira 0|-------|---====
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Nagare 0|-------|-------
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Adon 0|-------|-======
Nagare must not know his own strength, because Artie certainly does. The living room wall groans, then snaps as the ENTIRE SET COLLASPES ALL AROUND. The father of the family screams as the judge is taken out by a falling wall? And what does the director say about all this?
"So... BEAUTIFUL! Cut the camera away from the no-talents, gentlemen, we have a MASTER THESPIAN HERE!"
As Akira and Adon get absolutely NO LOVE from the camera, they are busy being entangled in a petty revenge cycle. As Jaurkle smashes into the guarding arms of Akira, he snorts. "Come on, The EMPEROR of the COOL can't handle the really SWEET MOVES of MUAY THAI URKLE!" As she brings her own leg around, Adon simply tenses up. Hardening like a piece of marble, Adon is sent flying through the air again. And right into the director.
"BY THE BEARD OF THE BOURGEOISIE!" The man howls as Jurkle kicks off him, rocketing both him and his victim to the ground. Artie, the hero to all, might need to bring about the very strength that can handle a suit that was 60% Titanium. For the Nerd of Muay Thai is firing right for the man, foot first, to drive a single flying foot right into the man's back.
"UUUUUUUUUURKLE TOOOOOOOOOOOTH NAARM HAAA HAAR EEEEERM! SNORT SNORT!"
COMBATSYS: Adon successfully hits Nagare with Jaguar Tooth.
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Akira 0|-------|---====
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Nagare 0|-------|---====
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Adon 0|-------|=======
Woah, woah, woah! Nagare finds himself under assault by Adon, even as AkiraFonzie aims to keep herself from becomming a destroyed person! Well, Nagare wasn't so lucky. Her stance and angle manages to fend of Adon's strike, but this also means as Adon sucks himself right forward through Akira's assault, a cascade of kicks it only means, well...
It means that when the strike does come, Urkle's tooth cuts deep into Nagare's figure, as the Kurkle kick sends Nagare and Artie flying backwards, crashing off stage and into the Kitchen anyways. Nagare, looking around but unable do as he had punch fall on him off stage after being rocketed into one painfully, begins to yell.
"Nooo! Nooooo! I've been punched! Why did I ever open the Kitchen!" Nagare announces as he gets back up, drenched with punch. This also means Nagare is returning with his own little power, bringing himself directly towards Adon in a sudden way.
"I am Artie, and I can..." Nagare cries, flying into the air, swimming, swimming, swimming and then, at his apex, he lets go.
"And I can FALLLL!" Head first, Nagartie falls right towards Adon, head first, in a terrible assault upon his noggin!
As Adon and Nagare tangle, Akira looks around at the collapsed set. She scratches her helmet in evocative Sitcom Acting 101 confusion, before giving an exaggerated shrug that somehow earns a laugh from the laugh track, as well as a 'womp womp' tuba sting. She readjusts into a ready position, training herself for the right moment to strike, letting her breathing change from shallow punch-me-punch-you-back snorts to a steady, calming rhythm.
A wall leans against another collapsing one which leans against a scaffolding which is propped against blah blah blah. Essentially, it's a giant rickety lean-to, and Akira decides to risk it -- she jumps up, scrambling with her little motorcycle boots to keep traction as she wall-runs, going completely horizontal for a second before she jumps clear --
--toward Nagare, just before he hits (or doesn't) with his Concrete Dive. "WHO-O-OAAA!" Akira calls in a deceptively Fonzlike fashion as she attempts to grab Nagare out of the air precisely at the moment of impact, snatching at a leg to hurl him further toward the soundstage's ceiling.
COMBATSYS: Nagare successfully hits Adon with Concrete Dive.
- Power hit! -
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Akira 0|-------|----===
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Nagare 0|-------|--=====
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Adon 1|-----==|=======
And what a terrible assault it was!
As the director is busy sobbing in a corner, the single cameraman just keeps snapping back and forth from the fight to the poor man. Borrowing from the realm of Arrested Development, he goes for the realistic style of the comedy of errors. This is real. But it isn't. It is a sitcom of the FUTURE!
Meanwhile, Adon falls back off the stunned Nagare. As he perks back up, he notices Akira charging RIGHT BACK AT HIM. "NARF!" The jaguar calls as he snort snorts. With the raging power of a Nerd of Muay Thai, he braces to catch the girl and simply MUTILATE her. However, there is a shout.
FROM ARTIE!
Adon tries to turn and block the strike. The block simply falls into what could safely be considered an 'epic fail.' The man's head is smashed right into the ground, shooting up a small shower of blo-
CUT AWAY!
As the Camera looks away from the blood face of Urkle, Adon rises up. His glasses were broken, but... something was new. His clothing tore away, showing a sharp polo shirt with designer pants. His suspenders were gone. This was no longer Adon Urkle. This was...
Edun Urquelle
Edun cooly slips up as the camera returns to him. "No way. JOSE!" Edun howls as he snaps out an arm. Then, a leg. Then, another leg. These snaps were directing at the assaulting Akira, who was trying to mess up a HERO to BOYS! The Fonz, turning from a lovable anti-hero into... a jerk! As Edun piles on the punches, his body burn with chi energy. He stomps harder and harder, trying to increase the furious frenzy of blows. And as the storm keeps piling on...
Why is the set being piled up into a pair of ramps between Nagare?
COMBATSYS: Nagare interrupts Houbu from Akira with Breast Stroke Kick EX.
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Akira 0|-------|-======
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Nagare 1|-------|=======
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Adon 0|-------|-----==
Nagartie repels from Adon's chest, sending the Edun Urquelle backwards even as he goes. Well, that was entirely unexpected! Nagare flips and flops on the ground, one after another as he does, flopping around entirely. Its like he's actually a fish! But getting up quickly, Artie does not stay down! He flexes once more, the lame old flex which is useful for so many things!
But that's not what Nagartie is interested in fully. That would be Akira! ven as Akira attempts to come right at Artie, risking it as she leaps up hurdling towards Nagare. Those brief seconds where he gets up he falls right back again, causing Akira to crash right into Nagare, and get caught in Nagare's multiple kicks, sending water chi and flipper kicks all over Akira's face before letting Nagare get thrust backwards once more, sending him a great deal away up and towards the soundstage cieling.
"ARTIE CAN FLY!"
COMBATSYS: Adon successfully hits Akira with Jaguar Varied Assault.
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Akira 1|-------|=======
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Nagare 0|-------|=======
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Adon 0|-------|-----==
Nagare kicks Akira in the head a good number of times. So hard, in fact, that her helmet cracks, a grave and crooked line forming across the face of the skull painted above her visor. "AUGH!" she cries, as she plummets.
Luckily, Adon is there to catch her, and by 'catch' your humble narrator of course means 'pummel her mercilessly.' She lands right into the fiery jaguar assault of the nerd-turned-lothario, motorcycle gear only doing so much to soak up each blow as they come faster and faster and more and more furious. Finally, the last blow sends Akira soaring.
The would-be Fonz flies through the air, clearing a long row of overturned trash barrels left off to one side of the set for no readily stated reason. The canned crowd cheers the reference to one of Fonzie's greatest triumphs -- as Akira smashes through a craft services table and lays there, wondering if she has the culinary talent to get a job as a baker or something.
COMBATSYS: Akira gains composure.
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Akira 0|-------|=======
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Nagare 0|-------|=======
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Adon 0|-------|-----==
Akira's nerves were becoming broken, as was the entire production. The father figure? He was knocked out in the great wall tear down. The Fonz? Rethinking her career as her helmet goes pop. The crew? Panicking and experimenting. But between Edun and Artie
Nothing but smooth sailing.
As Artie flies away, Edun unleashes a leveling blow against the biker. So. It was time for fun. Edun leaps high into the air, being the cool version of the popular Urkel. As he shot higher and higher up to Nagare, he seemed to be trying something... ruthless. Eyeing Artie, he suddenly wound back a hand... Wait. What was that in his hand. It looked like... a PIECE of HOSE!?! With the rage of a black man who was really from Thailand, he swings the EMERALD PIPE at Nagare, attempting to slap it RIGHT ACROSS HIS FACE! "URKEL HOOOOOOOOOOSE!"
What HORRORS upon HORRORS!
COMBATSYS: Adon successfully hits Nagare with Jab Punch.
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Akira 0|-------|=======
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Nagare 1|------=|=======
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Adon 0|-------|-----==
Even as Akira is battered back by bashing fins, the Fonz has been tested true and she is, after all, rather entirely hard to destroy. Or get rid of. Or anything to that matter. The fonzie Akira is one to be respected!
For there, well, there was someone else. Adon coming directly towards Nagare in a horror upon a horror. Urkel house?!
The pipe slaps Nagartie across the face, slapped sideways as he faces once more, unable to escape the strike. "Whattt?! You dare hit Artie with a pipe?!" Well, there isn't really any rule or anything about it, but Artie is as Artie does. Attempting to grab the pipe from Adon, Nagare will bend it! But only if he is able to get the pipe.
How does he get the pipe?!
By removing Adon Urkle, attempting to hurl him post haste, gut under him and LIFTTTTTT into the sofa and the new vase.
"Uhhhhh," Akira groans as she pushes herself up, wicking subpar egg salad from her jacket. Once again, she's left on the outskirts of the fight, which has now become a pipe fight. She wonders if she missed some sort of Wacky Bizarro Day flyer (when, in reality, she missed the letter informing her of the SNF's theme, mistaking it for another piece of 'You are now QUALIFIED for a PLATINUM GEESECOVERY CARD' junk mail upon seeing the Howard Industries logo -- and threw it away, going back to staring blankly at the TV screen for another two hours).
Akira limps for a moment, wrenching her shoulder to try and force her body to obey its master, the brain, before she re-enters the frey. As Nagare is attempting to hurl Adon all about, the Strongest Man in the World is her natural target -- as some surly teamsters push a set wall along to try and keep the soundstage from being /completely/ destroyed, Akira leaps -- and jump-kicks through the wall's stained-glass window, soaring right for Nagare's back!
Somewhere, Hurricane Hime turns green with envy, and isn't quite sure why.
COMBATSYS: Adon blocks Nagare's Strong Throw.
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Akira 0|-------|=======
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Nagare 1|------=|=======
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Adon 0|-------|----===
Pipe fight?
THIS WAS A HOSE FIGHT.
Edunslaps his hose right across poor Artie's face. Somewhere, Yurika is watching this fight under the pretense of supporting Akira. The truth of the matter is more sinister: Upon her lap would be her portable computer. And as she watches the two men go at it, she begins typing a new story. Urkle + Artie.
Mmmmmmm'Yes.
The Emperor of Muay Thai finds himself lifted up and hurled away to the couch and vase. With a yelp, he lands hard on the sofa. But that's it. Adjusting his weight, he just bounces slightly on it. He bumps his head again, but other than that, Urkel is A-O-K. And above him, shoot Akira. In her LEATHER GETUP. Man, talk about weird television. But as Akira goes for Nagare, Edun decides it is time to start messing up some little girls.
Jumping on the sofa for a short period of time, Edun bounds from the Couch in a flying strike of dubious epic qualities. Soaring through the air like a magestic eagle, he dives for poor old Akira, attempting to give her a taste of a terrible medicine. The taste of a nerd-gone-cool trying to snatch her by the very shoulders, flip over her, and just hurl her up and over to a magical land.
A land called Stainglass window PAIN.
COMBATSYS: Akira successfully hits Nagare with Medium Kick.
[ ||||||||||||||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|=======
[ |||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 1|---====|=======
[ |||||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|-----==
Ow! That really hurt. Even as Akira pushes herself hard, Nagare finds out that when Akira does, well, even NagArtie feels the pain, as the window kick glass soaring destruction blast strikes right into Nagare's figure, sending the WORLDS STRONGEST MAN shot out backwards like a cannonball. He trips and falters over himself before coming to a completel stop.
"Well well well! Is that a challenge?!" Nagare asks as he eyes Akira, one eye up one eye down followed continously over and over again. "Good! I like challenges. For I am Artie!" Flex. "The strongest man... IN THE WORLD!" Continously going ahead, Nagare manuevers even as he waddles, attempting to deliver a terrible swim kick by destroying the ground and such right towards Akira! For ... REASONS.
COMBATSYS: Adon successfully hits Akira with Jaguar Carry.
[ ||||||||||||| ]
Akira 1|------=|=======
[ ||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|--=====
[ |||||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|----===
COMBATSYS: Akira blocks Nagare's Splash Kick.
[ ||||||||||| ]
Akira 1|-----==|=======
[ ||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|-======
[ |||||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|----===
Akira braces herself for Nagare splashing the very floor at her, throwing her arms up and letting the floor chunks risk breaking her forearms instead of breaking her helmet -- sound logic.
At the same time, though, as Akira focuses on that, Adon is able to swoop right in. Before she can really muster up any kind of defense, the would-be mechanic / civil rights activist / street tough / co-owner of Arnold's is picked up and thrown, toward a second stained-glass window being pushed by -- she smashes through it, and then lands on the busted frame of the first one, only to have the second frame fall on top of her.
And, well, it makes Akira mad.
The girl-wonder forces herself up and rolls her neck around, cracking it loudly, before running a gloved hand up the crack Nagare made in her helmet earlier -- something the audiences at home no doubt mistake for the Fonz' trademark combing gesture, as it's nearly exactly the same motion. Still, she knows who she wants a piece of first -- Akira surges toward Nagare, the one who broke her precious helmet, reaching out to try and grab him in a very unsportsmanlike front headlock and give him a few rabbit punches.
Not Adon.
Edun.
Edun just spikes the girl through the window, revealing just how cruel he is. As Nagare piles on through, the coolest person on the entire set... begins getting a smug look boiling over his face. Lips tight, he walks away from the duo fighting... and snaps an arm out at a mike boy. Stealing his snickers, he just begins to munch on it as he heads towards a wall, letting both of them handle it. And while watching them, he suddenly snarks out loud.
"Pfft. At least I have a dance named after my guy."
Edun gets bored with the whole theme, and suddenly turns back into Adon. Crossing his arms, and leans back, watching. Waiting. Suddenly, flexing. And then, with an explosion, his clothing rips off, showing NOTHING BUT BOXERS.
Yurika is probably squealing right now.
COMBATSYS: Adon gains composure.
[ ||||||||||| ]
Akira 1|-----==|=======
[ ||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|-======
[ ||||||||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|-----==
COMBATSYS: Nagare dodges Akira's Improvised Grapple.
[ ||||||||||| ]
Akira 1|-----==|=======
[ ||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|-======
[ ||||||||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|-----==
What sort of monster would remove his clothes on national TV during a sitcom!? Well, who knows, other than ADON. Well, EDUN. Something of the like. It still comes down to the fact that he's flexing and exploding enough to heal himself. Its pretty amazing, no doubt. Very very amazing.
And then there is Akirawho is MAD. Hopping mad OR SOMETHING CLOSE TO IT. Nagare isn't sure but he's not sticking around to find out, even as she grabs from him, it seems that Nagare, the strongest Artie in the world, is still too slippery to get a rather tough lock on him. This leaves him in a great postion.
One where he could continue to remove FILTH. From the TV.
"Sir!" Nagare announces, "That TV is watched by millions! Do not get naked in front of it!" Artie calls, before moving in a a super fast running punch designed to just plow on through.
Akira damns Nagare's life of aquatic luxury which renders him as slippery as the proverbial eel. She's still steaming mad, but her target refocuses as Adon / Edun / Buddy Love strips to his boxers. Part of her is just confused -- part of her decides that if this guy wants to make such a show of himself, he can take a couple punches. And it is this part that wins out, as Akira joins the rush alongside Nagare.
That's right -- it's a good old-fashioned Rival Schools team-up move, as Akira runs to plow through Adon with a punch of her own, timed perfectly with Nagare's -- as if by /fate/.
COMBATSYS: Adon endures Nagare's Quick Punch.
[ ||||||||||| ]
Akira 1|-----==|=======
[ ||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|=======
[ ||||||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|----===
COMBATSYS: Adon interrupts Jab Punch from Akira with Rising Jaguar.
[ ||||||| ]
Akira 1|---====|=======
[ ||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|=======
[ |||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|---====
Adon just stands there, leaning against that concrete wall, munching on that snickers. Mmmmm. That's good candy. Yeah, the flexing wasn't doing much except making him FILLED with the awesome. And there, he just waited. When Artichoke or whatever came piling in, Adon didn't seem to care. He just chewed on that Snickers. As the super-fast punch came piling through, the Emperor of Muay Thai put the entire bar in his mouth, and just chewed. The punch struck him right in the chest. There was a loud grinding noise.
Oh wait, that was Adon rolling his eyes.
When Akira came shooting in, he just sighed. "Listen. KID. A hint." Adon shoved off the wall, the punch hammered the Jaguar right in the chest. There was a howl as Adon just drove one knee right into the torso of the girl. Shooting up in the air, he carried poor Fonz with him. Balancing her delicately, Adon fired off the other knee, smashing it hard into the chest of the poor girl. He rebounds off, falling to the ground on both legs. And with that, he sticks a thumb down at Akira. "Stop EMBARASSING the URKEL of MUAY THAI!"
The perfectly timed Rival School's team up... failred?!
Even as Akira finds out about the Muay Thai students own RAMPAGE, Nagare has his own little thing he has to do! Even if it means that, gasp, Artie the worlds most TRECHEROUS DOG, must now turn his attention towards Akira?! Yes, if only for the good of man kind! Or something like that. Flexing, and flexing, oh and flexing. There, Nagare looks towards Akira as the Fonz gets picks up and knees with terrible accuracy. That's too bad because NagARTIE is picking up the book shelf!
"Hurrghhh! I will show you why I am called the strongest man in the world! I WILL PICK UP! This book case." And once he does, after spilling out all the props from the prop, he throws the prop right towards Akira, attempting to prop her prop.
COMBATSYS: Akira dodges Nagare's Large Thrown Object.
[ ||||||| ]
Akira 1|---====|=======
[ |||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|-======
[ |||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|---====
Akira's punch fails -- and one fist gets her two knees, a fantastic bargain that leaves her on the ground, clutching her chest and choking, unwilling to take off her helmet for necessary proper ventilation. Still, she forces herself to sit up -- just in time for Nagare to hurl a bookcase at her.
Akira's prop remains unpropped as the propelled prop is given preventative priority -- the teen cyclist drops into a surprisingly nimble split, pressing her stomach on the ground to let the big bookcase whiz over her head. She launches to her feet -- and it's evident that she's in a haggard way, her breathing loud and horse-like. The bookcase smacks the prop wall behind her so hard that it causes a set closet door to swing open -- where they were keeping a big rubber shark, for lack of anywhere better to put it.
Akira rushes forward, leaping over the flopped shark, fists charging with angry purple chi. She bears down on Adon, before skidding to a halt -- and unleashing a barrage of chi blasts that, even if they fail to strike their target, will still cause an appreciable and awesome amount of damage to all the fake scenery. Because that's how SHOOTING SKULLS roll.
COMBATSYS: Adon dodges Akira's Destructive Barrage.
[ ||||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ |||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|-======
[ |||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|---====
Adon just shakes his head. She was still going for it. The Emperor of Muay Thai was DONE with this meme. As she evades a rush of BOOKSHELVES, the Jaguar just watches her with the same smug look. As the shark flops, it is told that the skulls would come. And when they come... Adon gets on the move.
The scenary is destroyed by the end of the storm. But Adon? He isn't. Leaving Akira to a random grue, he evades the Skulls by crossing over. Hard. Instead, he is launching like a rocket, propelling right for the very surprised girl with an arm wound bac-
No.
He wouldn't.
Adon attempts to give Akira a backhanded slap right across the helmet, showing the girl's place in the kingdom of Muay Thai!
Nagare continues to throw himself forward, even as Akira decides that she must kill Adon. And unfortunately, isn't able to do so! But, in turn, ARTIE, the worlds STRONGEST MAN, rushes down Adon, even as the assault begins upon Akira with a backhanded slap.
"Fiend! Who would slap a lady?!" Nagare exclaims as he comes down towards Adon with the FINAL ARTIE well actually there isn't one. But he makes a ham handed rush towards Adon in an attempting to flip kick right into Adon, backflipping in mid air while he swims, water chi EVERYWHERE.
Whoosh!
COMBATSYS: Adon successfully hits Akira with Jab Punch.
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ |||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 0|-------|-======
[ ||||||| ]
Adon 0|-------|---====
Akira is backhanded. It is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
Her helmet slowly cracks in half entirely, in an almost cartoonish fashion as the existing cracks spiderweb and grow deeper. Finally the two halves fall away, exposing the face of a teenage girl whose eyes are fluttering into unconsciousness.
Akira collapses to the ground. Richie, Ralph Malph, and Arnold rush out to drag her away so that the remaining two can complete the match.
COMBATSYS: Adon blocks Nagare's Flipper Roundhouse EX.
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ |||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 1|-------|=======
[ |||| ]
Adon 0|-------|--=====
Adon just stares at the teenage girl he strikes down. It was just like Chun-Li. If it weren't for the medical team, Adon would have ground his heel into her. And also, if it weren't for the outrage of Nagare. At the moment, Adon was in a heap of trouble. He was growing tired and weak. These fights could not last forever. With all the antics, he was just barely holding on. As Nagare came piling in, Adon just brought his arms up.
But as the water rushed around him, his body hardened. The kick smashed hard against his arms. He just barely, just barely held together. His body was like marble, and Nagare almost broke him. Pushing back, he suddenly drove towards Nagare. Arm outstretched, he simply wanted to grab the strongest man in the world. If he managed to get a grip, he would just drive his knee into those amazing swimmer abs.
And toss him in that pile of Firefly scripts for Season 2.
COMBATSYS: Nagare blocks Adon's Jaguar Slam.
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ ||||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 1|------=|=======
[ ||| ]
Adon 0|-------|-======
Oh no! Akira is down for the counter?! Nagare looks towards Adon and he just lowers his eyes, cracks his neck and adjusts his glasses that he wasn't wearing seconds before.
"Well now, let us see... who is more advantageous?!" Nagare announces as he flexes momentarily, even as Adon crashes down upon Nagare, driving him down and smashing a knee into him. Well, it almost works, but Nagare holds taught against the forces of Jaguardom, fighting fully well as he pushes imself on through.
One there, Nagare will attempt to revive Adon.
How?!
Well, Nagare's going to deliver OFFENSIVE CPR. Which is every kind of CPR except the healing kind. OH NO. Watch out Jaguar man.
COMBATSYS: Nagare successfully hits Adon with Artificial Respiration.
- Power hit! -
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ |||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 1|-----==|=======
[ ]
Adon 1|-------|=======
It is quite obvious who has the advantage. Adon has the advantage. As he holds taut against the knee jab from the Jaguar, the Emperor still has the advantage. Barely holding on, Adon suddenly realizes that Nagare is reaching out, and throwing him to the ground, and with those giant lips:
Nagares takes advantage of Adon.
The Emperor of Muay Thai begins spasming, struggling under the kiss and pushes of life. This was probably the worst experience ever. Screaming, Adon just flailed about madly. Quickly, when Sagat taught about how to protect against rape, what were you supposed to do? Frantically, Adon just starts kneeing at the man's groin... and then slowing down... and peacefully, he falls asleep as Nagare SAVES HIS LIFE from DROWNING.
TO DEATH.
COMBATSYS: Adon can no longer fight.
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ |||||||||||||| ]
Nagare 1|-----==|=======
COMBATSYS: Adon successfully hits Nagare with Jaguar Varied Assault.
- Power hit! -
-+- CALCULATED HIT -+-
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ |||| ]
Nagare 1|----===|=======
Well THAT didn't seem to work exactly like planned as the Emperor of Muay Thai comes down towards Nagare, spasming as Nagare is kneed furiously. It hurts, oh it really does, but you understand the whole work easily in the end. Because, out of everything, even the extruciating pain from getting kneed kneed kneed, well, Nagare manages to raise his hand right at the end to signify that he is, indeed, still UP.
Of course, this also means that he passes out due to excrutiating pain in the next few seconds.
SUCH IS LIFE.
LIFE OF SUCH.
WOO.
COMBATSYS: Nagare takes no action.
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
[ ||||| ]
Nagare 1|-----==|=======
COMBATSYS: Nagare has left the fight here.
[ ||||| ]
Akira 0|-------|------=
Log created on 19:23:21 02/02/2009 by Akira, and last modified on 03:23:02 02/09/2009.