Description: Jezebel "Lighting Spangles" Fablesse gets the great honor of advertising El Fuerte's food! She also gets to advertise some other things, a few which the luchador doesn't think should get any publicity at all ...like the Border Patrol. Oh and did we mention this fight will also be shown in Telemundo? Touchy topics and body slamming galore ensues as Jezebel is forced to deal with an angry Mexican Luchador while trying to stay true to script. Bonus appearances of Carlos Mencia and El Santa. (Winner: El Fuerte)
Hollywood, California. 9 PM. The Hollywood Hilton's Cafeteria.
The makeup is put in place. The All-American Cowgirl outfit. Despite some misgivings early, from a MIster Jones, she had forgotten all that. All she remembered was that she got the interview. ANd that's all that mattered! For now, she had a show with another showman, someone by the name of El Fuerte. A Lucha. Lightning Spangles was a bit uncomfortable with fighting a wrestler, but she was assured that it would be fine. THe venue was the dining facility for the Hollywood Hilton, and with her makeup in place, she walks down to the buffet. She waits there, waiting for the cue from the producer, her plastic smile across her face.
And show time.
"Howdy Y'all!" Was the cry from Lightning Spangles as the cameras begin to roll, and she walks the line of the dining tables within the Hilton's cafeteria. Walking down the buffet, she looks at the camera, hands on her hips as she swaggers along. "I'm Lightning Spangles, the All-American Heroine! And Buenos Dias to Telemundo, who will be ALSO showing tonights fight..." Lightning Spangles sweeps her arms below her, spreading out an imaginary rainbow.
"In Espanol!~"
Turning back to the cafeteria, she looks for the legendary chef. "Now, our pardner tonight is El Fuerte, who, as I have learned, is a great chef! Tonight we will take the opportunity to introduce to you the cuisine of South of the Border!" Looking around still, Lightning Spangles furrows her brow. The silver platters were still concealed. But there was a terrible smell hanging in the air. I mean, she heard that foreign could be weird. But how weird could this be. Finally, she call out for her opponent.
"Hey! El Fuerte! Where you at, pardner?"
El Fuerte is here!
"LUCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Announcing his entrance with the unmistakable call to arms of all Mexican wrestlers. The luchador makes a spectacular entry by flying through a window, landing on one hand to make a spinning somersault forward and descend on his feet, all while balancing a plate of food he brought with him. The luchador's ever present insane grin on his mask face staring first at the camera to give a wave to everyone watching at home.
"Hello! Hola!" He says greeting all those who are tuning in to Telemundo tonight. "Seņorita Relampagos! It is an honor to meet such a prominent celebrity from our neighbors to the north! I will gladly share with you the secrets of my cooking! But...aaah.. what kind of meeting would this be if we were not to share our ways??"
"BEHOLD!!"
He extends a plate with... /something/ in it. "The ultimate tex mex combination, I call it the Taco Burger!" It looks like just a bunch of beans, cheese and some chicken wrapped on a burger bun, but by all that is still holy does it smell awful! How in blazes could he have messed that up?
There are a lot of ways to react to El Fuerte's cooking.
Terror. Loathing. Disgust. As El Fuerte explodes through the window, landing right by the actress. The grin is met with grin, Lightning Spangle's composure unbroken by the wild entrance. But when that food is brought forward, it might be the greatest test of Lightning Spangle's acting ability. Held before her, it sears the eyebrows of the woman. But the words that come from Lightning Spangles are only utterly sincere.
"Mmmmm!"
"A Taco Burger?" Lightning Spangles does the century's greatest acting when she smiles, and rubs her tummy. "It smells wonderful! A Tex Mex combination! You got to tell everyone at home the secret!" Lighnting Spangles takes out a hand, and does not hesitate. She was instructed NEVER, at any point, hesitate to eat his cooking. That would have been a warning for some.
But for Lighting Spangles, it was only a job.
Lightning Spangles grips the burger. She could taste the smell. How could it be so strong. How could she taste it, before she even tasted it. Smiling sweetly, she takes in a deeper smell. "Heavenly! But does it smell as good as it tastes?" Taking a large bite out of the burger, all the flavors reach her. Smiling sweetly, the smile does not break. Emotional turmoil could break her. But for all intentions? From that smile, the words she continues with does not lie. She swallows, and the smile does not fade. "Delicious! Truly you are a master chef, El Fuerte!"
"But we are not just here tonight for cooking!"
Lightning Spangles tosses aside the burger, tears welling up in her eyes. But the smile does not fade. Dropping back, she throws up her arms, ready to block any incoming blows. Legs spread apart, she is ready to unleash the powerful kicks of Tae Kwon Do. Swallowing hard a second time, she just barely conceals the choking. "We done have a fight to get around here! Brought to you by Telemunda! The Metro City Lucha Libre League! And of course, Taco Bell!" Lightnign Spangles turns to the camera, the makeup concealing the green infecting her face. Throwing out a thumbs up, her eyes sparkle.
yo No Quiero Taco Bell!"
"Gracias!!"
GOOD GOD!
She ate it! She really did!!
El Fuerte obviously means well but he clearly doesn't seem to have /ANY/ idea that what he cooks is down right toxic. Radioactive even. Some of the SNF crew where wise enough to bring geiger counter with them to at least decide which of the dishes was somewhat safe for Lighting Spangles to try, but when El Fuerte surprises them all by offering a dish to the actress that they hadn't previously checked, they start freaking out, waving their arms, jumping up and down, trying to get the cowgirl's attention. The SNF crew aren't heartless like Jezebel's manager, they wouldn't make her do things that will /obviously/ kill her! They jump! Make silent gestures! Flail! Anything to get Lighting Spangles to look at them without actually disturbing the fight.
Don't do it Lighting Spangles!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! DON'T DO IT!
But she does, she opens her lovely mouth and sticks that affront to nature inside, chewing it and gulping it down.
She was very talented indeed.
"That is correct! We shall share all that our cultures have to offer! Both food and fighting styles! To prove that truly the American continent has the best there is!" As he gets ready to begin, clearly missing the fact that his Taco Burger is dissolving the plate now and it's going through the table as well, one of the producers holds a sign up at him to get his attention.
El Fuerte is not used to getting cues from others when he's fighting, Lucha Libre is a very real sport after all (shut up) and it disrupts his concentration a little but he leans to the side to see what he's trying to say.
"Que? Translate everything she says? We're transmitting in Telemundo too?... But I don't have an interpreter certificate! What do you mean we don't have budget for subtitles? Oh well.."
He clears his throat, trying to say what Jezebel is saying in Spanish for the camera. Is he supposed to keep this up through out the fight?? How does Lighting Spangles do it!??
Yes, she must be very talented indeed.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte has started a fight here.
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ElFuerte 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Jezebel has joined the fight here.
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ElFuerte 0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0 Jezebel
What was that crew?
Lightning Spangles must have missed it, because the actress simply swallows it down for the third time. Man. This cooking was difficult. But if her manager tells her to eat? Then she eats!
But man, why did it feel like she just swallowed a warm mitten?
"It is wonderful to share our cultures!" Lightning Spangles agrees, the food poisoning surpressed. "For example, I have just the thing to wash this down!" Lightning Spangles draws out a small bottle, filled with yellow fluid. Tossing it back, she begins to drink from it. Gasping, she smiles, grinning at the camera. "Just the thing for Tex Mex!"
"Brawndo!"
"It Got Electrolytes!"
Tossing it aside, the actress explodes forward. Hurling a lightning fast snap kick, she follows up with a second swing with the same leg. A round house is chained with another round house, a four-hit kick combination attempting to overwhelm poor El Fuerte... and amongst it all, she asks the most pressing question.
"What is next on the menu, El Fuerte!"
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte endures Jezebel's Quick and the Dead.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Brawndo!!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/----===|=------\-------\0 Jezebel
El Fuerte Luchador slaps himself a few times getting ready for an exciting wrestling match! He was really looking forward to it after his loss against Kim, and even though he said that Jezebel was representing the United States, his real desire was to go up against the Korean martial art once again. It had been such a closer counter back then! He really wanted to see if he could topple it with his well practiced Lucha Libre.
The Mexican wrestler waits for Jezebel to finish advertising the drink. He had been told that this was mostly a promotional fight and that he shouldn't get too excited with it, giving the woman some time to talk and not pin her to the ground right off the bat. The wrestler still thought that was a little weird since his high flying brutal style didn't leave a whole lotta room to stop and recover, it wasn't like he could freeze in mid air and let Jezebel talk to the camera!
This problem becomes very evident when the luchador starts to move out of the way to avoid the incoming kicks and is promptly stopped by the crew who start tapping at a sign that says 'Translate!' Bastards can't even get the terms right, Translate is for writing and Interpreting is for talking.
"Err..umm.." He freezes and tries to remember what Jez said "Es muy bueno...para-AGH!!" Kicked in the stomach! "Pare el-ARGH!" Kicked in the knee! "Para..para-OOF! HIJO DE TODA SU-@#%&$#" Rather than say anything coherent, El Fuerte just starts cussing in Spanish as he gets kicked and kicked and kicked. It's too bad they are airing live and can't censor any of it! Perhaps getting a crazed Luchador to do interpreting in the middle of a wrestling match wasn't a good idea.
Staggering back, the luchador gains some momentum and begins to rush at Jezebel jumping towards her with a flip in order to land a double stomp right on her Cowboy hat and flatten it..
Like a tortilla!
"Have some Chili Mexicano!!"
Careful, it's hot!
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte successfully hits Jezebel with Chili Mexicano.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by "Fighting for Survival: The Yatefusa Story" By Yatefusa Fuji!!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/----===|====---\-------\0 Jezebel
The kicks land true, the actress showing a host of talent in Tae Kwon Do. However, when the final blow comes, her momentum grinds to a halt. The shift back would be painful, and for a moment, she is caught. The stomp hits her right on the head, which the cowgirl moves with. Falling to her knees, she minimizes the impact. But in the end, it was for naught.
Oh no, he flattens the hat.
Lightning Spangles stumbles back, utterly ASTONISHED at what had happened. "I am just as angry as Fuji Yatefusa-" A producer shakes his head, and makes the motion of rearranging the words. "... Yatefusa Fuji was, when she had discovered that village in ruins!" Lighting Spangles begins to walk along, turning towards the camera, circling around El Fuerte. A book is tossed her way, and she holds it up high, smiling brightly. "Of course, you all can learn about the story of Yatefusa Fuji in the excellent autographical book, 'Fighting for Survival: The Yatefusa story' Read the thrilling story of a blind Japanese-born woman in her adventures in the Chinese War, in what the New York Times calls Dark. Disturbing (and) Direct!" And promptly, she pivots to El Fuerte. "And WATCH that language, El Fuerte! There are children watching!"
"Shouldn't all Lucha's be inspiring to children?"
And then, Lightning Spangles attacks. But the assault may not cut as deeply as the words from the actress. Unleashing the rapid kick, she falls well short of the wrestler. Instead, a small shimmering orb of energy is unleashed. Exploding well before it even reaches El Fuerte, it bursts into a display of Red, White, and Blue. A bald eagle, the shape takes, as it reaches to consume El Fuerte.
Shedding a single tear.
For America.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte dodges Jezebel's Young Guns.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by AMERICA!!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/----===|====---\-------\0 Jezebel
"Sorry."
El Fuerte makes a spinning back flip as he uses Jezebel's head as a trampoline and lands on his feet, a slightly embarrassed look on his masked face after he realized he cussed up a storm while getting kicked. He may be as flashy as Jezebel but he has no experience truly acting, it's not the same as show boating where you could do whatever, sometimes his emotions did get the best of him and acted accordingly, it's how he lived, it's what made him, El Fuerte Luchador.
"Oh hey! My amiga Yatefusa Fuji! I can vouche that what she writes is one hundred percent true!" Because of his familiarity with the fighter, apparently the luchador has a far easier time interpreting what Jezebel has to say, and it also helps that his opponent is doing quite a fancy technique that wastes a lot of time giving him just enough room to repeat what the cowgirl in Spanish and JUMP!
"Ooh.." As El Fuerte sails through the air looking below him at the shape of the projectile, he notices the striking similarity with the American banner and the color it displays. "Hmm.." He flips and lands on his feet again, avoiding the attack in the process. He's a little mesmerized by the show of patriotism, and though through time he has started to lose faith on his country men thanks to Los Zetas he has never, ever, renounced his nationality.
He is and will forever be.
Mexican.
Grinning, Fuerte propels himself with demonic speed, dust picking up behind him as he charges head long into Jezebel. "Nice attack!" He says in mid run. "But now it is time to show the strength of my country!"
Fuerte doesn't have any fancy chi attacks, all he has are the Holy Powers of Lucha Libre at his call, and truly, that's all he needs. He makes a fast somersault jump towards Jezebel looking as if he's going to try and jump on top of her again, only to stretch out at the least second to wrap his muscled arms around her neck and slam her back first with a reverse DDT.
Somehow, the colors Red, White and Green trail behind him, the silhouette of an Eagle devouring a snake at it's center.
"VIVA MEXICO!"
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte successfully hits Jezebel with Tepache Bomb.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Rust Howard's Hair Club For Men!!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0 Jezebel
The flag falls.
El Fuerte comes surging in. Lighting Spangles throws up her guard, trying to catch the incoming assault, to stop it dead cold. But as she is gripped, she is hurled around to a sever DDT. "OOF!" She exclaims, surprised by the raw damage of the attack. Apparently, wrestling WAS real, and Lightning Spangles was on it. "Woooo wee! That's a lot of Mexician might! I am gosh darn impressed!" Breaking free from the hold, she readies a leg, keeping herself in an even keel.
"Yes, Viva Mexico-"
And then, her producer shakes his head. Angrily. He holds up the cue card. Not Mexico. A completely different topic. A PAID topic, unlike those pikers for Mexican nationalism. No, Lightning Spangles has it spelled out for her. Swallowing down the Tex Mex Burger again, she turns back to El Fuerte, the wind taken from her sails.Giving a much smaller fist pump, she cries out.
"... The Home for Rust Howard's Hair Club for Men!"
She just glares across the way, not adding ANYTHING ELSE on the sponsor. But that glare grows meaner. A bottle is tossed her way. She glares back, and holds her ground. No sense losing face, even though this was rude, and she felt like vomitting because of it. ANd not El Fuerte's cooking. Forcing that chipper vibe, she rattles off in just above a monotone, building herself up for the next riproaring offense.
But damn, in those eyes, she looks pissed.
"Yes, Rust Howard, the hero of China, has long been a sight for sore eyes, and not just because of the glare on his head. That is why Rust Howard's Hair Club for Men works hard to help reverse the effects of baldness, to help men like you have a full head of hair. They send you a bottle, and in 4-6 weeks, you get the same hairstyle you had when you were a kid. Rust Howard's Hair Club for Men.
"-Apparently-, it's better than Mexico."
COMBATSYS: Jezebel gathers her will.
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ElFuerte 0/-------/---====|=======\==-----\1 Jezebel
Fortunately, El Fuerte likes Rust.
Unfortunately Jezebel apparently just insulted his country...in live television.
While transmitting in Telemundo.
And he has to interpret all this to Spanish no less!
"Ehrm...hmm.." As El Fuerte rolls away from the DDT, getting back into his lucha stance, he does as the producers told him and counts to five before attacking again, giving Jezebel just the time she needs to advertise her next product. This also gives Fuerte ample opportunities to hear the whole thing and possibly interpret it as best he can, which, in the end, means that he hears loud and clear how Jezebel switches from giving respects to his homeland to instead advertise a hair product while down playing his nationality.
He swallows his pride and repeats what the cowgirl says in Spanish, save for the last part, he is not honor bound like a professional interpret is to say everything. The luchador omits a few things and stares at the cowgirl, lips tightening. The wrestler looks slightly hurt as his eyes show, though they slowly begin to narrow as he begins to stare daggers at Jezebel.
That wasn't cool.
And as he gets back into a stance he seems to mouth something with his lips, his back towards the camera so the public doesn't get to see it, only the cowpoke before him.
'Sell out'
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte focuses on his next action.
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ElFuerte 0/-------/---====|=======\==-----\1 Jezebel
And Lightning Spangles just ignores it.
Forcing a smile, she just tunes out. But she does mouth the words to El Fuerte. 'I'm sorry, its a contract thing.' If Lightning Spangles had her way, it would be Viva Mexico. But no. It was Rust Howard's Hair Club for Men. And for that, she would suffer the indignity, and the embarassment in Mexico.
But that smile doesn't go away.
Charged up and steady, Lightning Spangles found her center again. She was steady; excited. On the up beat. Shaking away the international gaffe (which will very likely make the news), Lightning Spangles just charges forward. "Come on, my Lucha Buddy, turn that frown upside! You got to show me the next dish!" A grumble from her stomach is its cry for intervention. "And we can eat it in the honor of-"
Lightning Spangles just STARES at the cue card.
"The American Border Patrol."
Lightning Spangles is quiet for one, long, awkward moment. . ".... Beeeeecause when you need to cross the border, you can just settle on Taco Bell!" She begins the attack, fighting against the soul-crushing cynicism. Ducking down low, she fires straight up in a chi laced kick right into the air. On the apex, she swings her other leg around in an explosion of red energy, a firework display that sends her straight back down to earth with a second kick.
Hopefully, El Fuerte won't get TOO nationalistic about this.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte blocks Jezebel's High Noon EX.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by American Border Patrol!!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/--=====|=======\==-----\1 Jezebel
.....seriously?
WHO PICKED THE ADS FOR THIS MATCH!?
Didn't anyone know that it was going to get shown in Telemundo too??
Well, so much for Jezebel earning the Hispanic vote of approval. El Fuerte is quick to forgive despite his obvious disapproval of missing the opportunity to bring his people some much needed national spirit just to advertise Rust's hair products. It may be the fact that it was something related to Rust that eased down things, it makes sense to the Luchador, first Fuji gets advertised and the Rust, no harm done! He nods in understanding and lowers down again to reset his Lucha Libre stance, ready to continue this exciting match!
Until...
"Que!?" El Fuerte forgets /ALL/ about trying to react to the attack, all he can do is TWIST around to stare at the cue card with WIDE eyes and a slacked jaw. Is someone doing this on purpose now? It looks like a really really bad taste joke. Such is his shock that when Jezebel comes with a flying kick directly for his head, the luchador just /takes/ it right in the nogging and staggers somewhat.
Then she has the indecency to bring Taco Bell to this??
Aw.
Hell.
No!
"I'm no interpreting that!" El Fuerte rubs his head where he was kicked and promptly goes to cross his arms doing a hissy fit. Even he has standards you know!? He huffs and puffs, looking downright offended, likely ready to walk out of the set and punch someone in the face on the way out.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte takes no action.
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ElFuerte 0/-------/--=====|=======\==-----\1 Jezebel
The producers will be going to hell for this.
Fortunately, they aren't totally oblivious. Unfortunately, they are not totally oblivious. They knew that some of this might offend the Telemundo watching in. THey needed to pander to their needs. But Taco Bell wasn't cutting it? It looks like time for a secret weapon. Motioning towards Lightning Spangles as she lands, the woman just grins. "Wow, El Fuerte! You are really making it tough! I don't think I am ready to crack your nut." She places her hands on her hips, turning towards the camera. "This looks like it is time for one of Lighting Spangles special friends..."
"CARLOS MENCIA!"
The 'famous' 'comedian' suddenly runs up in the middle of the fight. "HEY! WHAT'S THE DEE DEE DEE?" Carlos announces, looking toward El Fuerte with a wide grin. Lightning Spangles walks up beside Carlos Mencia, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Howdy Carlos! Boy howdy, it looks like we got a Lucha here! Maybe you could give some advice on how to defeat a Lucha, before getting back to work on your newest movie, 'Of Mice and Mencia?'" Carlos keeps up that grin, bringing a mic to his mouth. "Well, Lightning Spangles, in my country, when you want to take down a wrestler, you don't face them in the ring. You just throw down a bunch of-" Lightning Spangles, honed from years of working with small children, suddenly intererrupts Carlos from his joke. "That's wonderful, Carlos! But I think you are thinking about the Lightning Spangles signature technique, 'Where Eagles Dare!" Carlos looks at Jezebel. "'Where Eagles Dare? What is this, a Clint Eastwood marathon-"
And Lightning Spangles shoves him off camera, still smiling.
"Thanks Carlos!" She pipes up, before turning back towards El Fuerte. That look of feebleness is just barely leaking through that chipper, perky presence. "Okay, El Fuerte! Looks like it is time for a Lightning Spangles super special techinique! All you kids at home, I am gonna need you to cheer me on. Can y'all give me a yee haw?" Lightning Spangles pauses. "I can't hear you. Can y'all give me a yee haw!?" And finally, she nods, staring into the camera. "There we go! Okay, here we go!"
"WHERE EAGLES DARE!"
Lightning Spangles erupts forward, spiralling through the air as she is enveloped with chi. Whirling like a drill, she attempts to draw in El Fuerte. Whether or not he gets caught in, the trio of explosive, aerial kicks come, blasting out in a large plume of Fireworks. First the red. Then the white, and finally, as she comes to the ground, the finishing blow. The blast of blue, before she lands on the ground.
"YEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAW!"
COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits ElFuerte with Where Eagles Dare EX.
- Power hit! -
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Of Mice And Mencia - A New Film by Carlos Mencia!!!
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ElFuerte 1/-------/=======|=======\===----\1 Jezebel
What the hell? What is Carlos doing here!?
El Fuerte shakes off his very offended stupor when he hears the name of the famous comedian getting called. If he would have known that he was going to make a came on this fight then he should have brought those brass knuckles Mick lent him. Because as it so happens El Fuerte apparently has a history with his fellow paisano.
"Carlos! Que carajos!?" The plucky luchador jumps at the sight and starts walking menacingly towards Mencia. "What's with all the Lucha Libre jokes you're doing ey!? Don't you have any sense of dignity you little Malinchista! And what's all this I hear about you doing a movie!? The least you could do is get my compadre Tizoc a role there--AAAAAH!!"
Just as El Fuerte was ready to chase Carlos off camera, he feels a strong wind pulling him towards Jezebel where suddenly flashes blue, white and red strike him again. There were apparently some kicks in there too, but in all honesty it was the full frontal American patriotism that injured the Mexican luchador the most.
"AARRGGH!!" He flies out of Jezebel's onslaught and lands on one of the tables, utterly snapping it half where a plate of beans flies up and lands on his head. "Hrgg.." The wrestler grumbles and brushes it aside grimacing about his half stained half in black now. "I didn't come here to be ridiculed! This one goes for all those true lucha fans out there that still hold our traditions true!"
And El Fuerte dashes, jumping right for Jezebel to land on her shoulders!
"EEEEEL FUEEEEEEEERTEEEE!!!"
COMBATSYS: Jezebel blocks ElFuerte's El Fuerte Flying Giga Buster.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by JUSTICE :D :D :D!!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/-------|=======\=====--\1 Jezebel
You think this is bad?
You should see what happened to Lita. LIghtning Spangles has brought a new face and a new thrill to the Saturday Night Fights. But whether or not that is a good thing remains to be seen. As the final kick lands, Lightning Spangles lands on both legs, bounding back up.But already, El Fuerte was surging in, landing on Lightning Spangles shoulders! Grabbing the man, she struggles, stumbles. "Whoa! Not even Carlos prepared me for this. Fortunately, I know I have my friends, El Fuerte. I have JUSTICE on my side! Pure American Justice, and all that stands for it."
"Isn't that right, El Santo?"
Lightning Spangles peers at the cue card.
"I'm sorry, I meant El -Santa!-
What seems to be a topless, overweight hispanic man in a red and fur wrestling leotard, the man has a great beard... and a great stylized red and white mask. "Ho Ho Hola!" The wrestler pipes up, hands on his hips. "La Lentejuela Del Rayo!" He commands. "You do not let yourself get taken!" Thrusting an arm before him, he plants his hand on the crook of his elbow. "You should embrace your American Heritage, and show El Fuerte the ways of the Gringo!" Lightning Spangles nods, turning back towards her opponent. "El Santa is right! It looks like it is time to take you out!" Attempting to pull El Fuerte off her shoulders, Lightning Spangles will spin the wrestling around by his Leotard and try to toss him in the air. Should it work, she will rocket forward, and before he hits the ground...
Snap a single kick right into his spine.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte parries Jezebel's Hang 'Em High!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/------=|=======\====---\1 Jezebel
El Santo!?
Once El Fuerte lands and sits on Jezebel's shoulders, he is unable to continue with his technique at the promise of his idol making an appearance. He always knew that he wasn't dead! Justice of such magnitude could never die! Never!! His face lights up with childish joy as he just sits there, on Jezebel, turns to where his idol is supposed to appear and..
Gets massively disappointed.
What in blazes is this? Instead of at least seeing a man dressed in white Lucha pants and white mask, he gets greeted with the sight of yet another man who has no sense patriotism. This.. El Santa .. openly mocks him again and again by telling him to renounce his Hispanic ways and become American. He's beyond disappointed at this point, he thought that fighting Jezebel would be good advertisement for his cooking business, but now, he feels as though the old saying is very /very/ wrong.
There is such a thing as bad publicity.
This suddenly becomes a mite too personal for El Fuerte who gets tossed up and his body hangs limply, defeated, ready to be crushed under the might of the American heel.
Until righteous Aztec rage overtakes him.
He twists in the air rapidly landing not back first into the kick but front and latches himself on Jezebel's leg. Using his entire body weight to drive her down into the ground, El Fuerte wraps his own legs around the cowgirl's thigh to keep her pinned and grasps her foot with both hands.
"Pinche gringa."
The luchador says softly so the cameras can't hear and TWISTS the woman's foot aiming to snap her ankle.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte successfully hits Jezebel with Fajitas Buster EX.
?!? Weird Hit! ?!?
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Viva El Santa!!!
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ElFuerte 0/-------/-----==|=======\=======\1 Jezebel
Lightning Spangles can take so much more on screen.
The throw is interrupted, and promptly, El Fuerte snatches up her by the leg. Bringing her down to the ground, she yelps. "Whoa! El Santa! Help!" She exclaims. But El Santa shakes his head. "No, Senorita. You must face him... alone." El Fuerte's words bounce off of Lightning Spangles. Off the stage? It might break her. But on camera? She was Lightning Spangles. Forever. El Fuerte twists and twists, the ankle cracking. UNtil finally, it turns all the way around...
And promptly it gets pulled off.
"AAAAGH!" She screams, pulling herself to the sidelines. "My foot! He pulled off..." Lightning Spangles looks down at her empty stump, and WINCES.
"But fortunately, I have my backup."
From off the screen, LIghtning Spangles is handed a pair of sneakers, bearing lightning bolts and a vague western theme. Taking off her boots, she winks, and begins to put on the first shoe. The second one, however, at her stump, she focuses hard. "Ggggggr." She growls, forcing the shoe back into the stump... where her real foot slips into place. Standing back up again, she strikes a pose.
"Wow! Looks like I'm back in the game, thanks to Nike's Lightning Pumps! The official footwear of Lightning Spangles!"
Pumping the sneakers, she strikes a pose, before turning back towards El Fuerte."Okay, El Fuerte, lets get back in my groove~"
Firing back towards El Fuerte, she ducks down low. Sweeping her foot around, she unleashes a low kick, attempting to either force El Fuerte into the air... or to bring him back to the ground. "YEEEE HAW!" Was the cry.
It looks like that mask wasn't breaking.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte interrupts Spin Kick from Jezebel with Calamari Slide.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Nike's Lightning Pumps!!
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > /////// ]
ElFuerte 0/-------/----===|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Jezebel
*POP!*
El Fuerte's eyes bogle when he YANKS hard and is rewarded with Jezebel's foot! He had really meant to hurt her that time, show her that acting around in a real fight was only going to get her hurt, but rip her foot off?? That wasn't something a tecnico would do!
Never mind that El Fuerte didn't think he was strong enough to actually pull that off.
"Sheesh..don't scare me like that!" The naive wrestler had bought the act and had an honest to goodness panicked look on his face when Jezebel started hopping around on one foot. Though as he stands up, he notices that the shoe he's holding on to is a fake and rolls his eyes, tossing the shoe to the side. He's all for showboating, it's part of Lucha Libre after all, but Lighting Spangles is taking it way past the limit where it's comfortable.
She's making fun of him now.
And making fun of him is making fun of Lucha Libre!
Only when he has been pushed to a corner does El Fuerte truly aim to hurt people, this has happened when he has fought gangs and criminals. He keeps such unsightly behavior well away from the holy ring of Lucha. But with Jezebel? He's about to make an exception.
Advertising has it's place /outside/ fighting. If Jezebel wants to spend her whole time talking about fancy products El Fuerte is never going to by, more power to her. But if she's not going to take this fight seriously then...
El Fuerte is going to /make/ her get serious.
The kick comes and El Fuerte takes it right on the ankle, his footing is solid and he does not budge or move. All he is raise one leg up and suddenly KICK Jezebel right on her standing leg's knee to further attempt to cripple her legs.
Sometimes the strongest attribute of a foes, is all their weakest and it this case it's obvious that Jezebel is very proud about her legs.
Well, who wouldn't like Jezebel's legs?
There are websites dedicated to them. Lightning Spangles avoids them like the plague. AS well as the rule 34 site. Jeeze. After this fight, there might be a few new entries. Lightning Spangles shudders, though that is likely because she is swallowing down her Tex Mex Burger a... 11th time now? If it was bad now, just wait until it goes on through. It was going to be a long night on the toilet.
And then, her kick is cut short.
"Whooooa!" She exclaims, as she takes the sharp kick to the legs. Turning with the blow, her knee twists, turning hard as the kick comes. It hurts, yes. But she minimizes any long term damage. Say what you will about Jezebel, but she was good at taking hits. A crippling kick to slow her down will slow it down. But it won't take her out of the fight. Wincing in pain, she lowers herself down. "Boy howdy, you are getting serious!" She yelps out, before rising up again. "It done looks like it is time to end this!"
And suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, she fires straight for El Fuerte, aiming to unleashing a single, thunderous kick to launch him straight to the ceiling...
COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits ElFuerte with A Few Dollars More.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Todohfest '12!!
[ \\\\\ < > /////// ]
ElFuerte 0/-------/=======|====---\-------\0 Jezebel
And with El Fuerte launched, Lightning Spangles turns towards the camera.
"WHoooooo!" She exclaims, suddenly taking off her vest and top. Underneath, rather than the wet dreams of at least two generations worth of men, there was a T-Shirt, emboldened with Todoh-Fest '12. "Well howdy! If you done come down to Mexico City, you might get ready for the Todohfest '12! Come party with the all-stars of Todoh-Ryuu! Daniel Jack! Kasumi Todoh! Ryuhaku Todoh." The actress pauses. "And that's all! And if we get at least five callers for the Todohfest '12, and reservations to the awesome festival dedicated to Todoh-Ryuu, I'll end this fight! Right here! Right now!" Lightning Spangles waits for the cue from the producer.
And waits.
And.... and waits.
"... Really? Well, heck. I guess nobody likes Todoh-Ryuu Kobojutsu."
Lightning Spangles walks away, letting El Fuerte crash to the ground in a smaller crater blast of chi energy.
The luchador will admit to such. Jezebel can definitely take a hit like a pro despite all her acting. Most people would at least reach for their leg as pains surges through their body once they get kicked there, but Lighting Spangles rolls through the hits and comes back with a vengeance that Montezuma could envy!
"Mierda!" El Fuerte had counted on such a crippling attack to hamper the cowgirl /at least/ a little, she should be limping right about now, it's what any person would do after taking a full kick right on the knee. Instead it only seems to make the woman stronger and faster, she surges in like her namesake directly for the willy luchador striking him right in the stomach which sends him flying directly to the ceiling!
"HRGG!" El Fuerte gets embedded up there, long enough so that Jezebel can get on with her next batch of advertisement. The vest and top removal are missed by El Fuerte who is busy trying to pry himself off the ceiling as is most of the announcement about Todoh-Ryu fest. What in blazes would Daniel and his crew be doing over in Mexico City is beyond him. All he cares about is pry himself free as soon as he can. And he manages that...without realizing that he doesn't have a plan for when he falls!
"AY AY!" The luchador flails about and Jezebel might realize too late that, as she's walking off, the wrestler isn't about to land somewhere beside her but right on top of her!
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte successfully hits Jezebel with Tostada Press.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Disneyland!!
[ \\\\ < > /// ]
ElFuerte 1/-------/=======|======-\-------\0 Jezebel
But there was only so much punishment one could take.
Lighnting Spangles NEVER pushed herself too far. She gave 110%, for sure. But 120%? That could kill you. Lightning Spangles still is facing away from El Fuerte when he rises up. As he exclaims, she pivots around.... just in time for El Fuerte to come cratering down, yes... but right on top of her. That wasn't part of the attack! The explosion comes and goes, and Lightning Spangles is flattened out, face down. It seemed like a perfect KO for El Fuerte.
Before rising her head up again.
"El Fuerte... before I... before I move on, I request you bury me... bury me in my home, where my heart is. Where my family is. Where... the whole family can vacation for three nights at $280 per family member." Her last words, before letting her head down?
"To Disneyland, of course."
Several mascots begin to fill the battlefield. A Micky Mouse. A Minnie Mouse. A Donald and a Goofy. Waving their arms, they begin to crowd around El Fuerte and the unconscious Lightning Spangles. The music begins to play, in both English, and in spanish.
"Iiiiiiit's a small world aaaaaaafter aaaaaaal"
COMBATSYS: Jezebel takes no action.
[ \\\\ <
ElFuerte 1/-------/=======|
COMBATSYS: Jezebel can no longer fight.
[ \\\\ <
ElFuerte 1/-------/=======|
Little does Jezebel know that El Fuerte /hadn't/ mean to fall on top of her. His plan was to get out of the hole in the wall where he had been embedded and then worry about an attack later. In a fight though, sometimes the unexpected happens and somehow El Fuerte lands right on top of Jezebel with enough force to knock the wind out of her!
The luchador rolls out and off his cowgirl cushion and peers to the side expecting the woman to surge with some kind of kick vengeance. But instead...
He gets treated to a musical from Disney!?
"Ay no! I didn't sign up for this!" El Fuerte jumps back to his feet and runs out of the stage.
Later on as Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy continue to sing, El Fuerte is seen chasing Carlos Mencia and El Santa trying to hit them with his frying pan.
"Come back here you traitors!!"
At least it doesn't look like he'll be filing a complaint to SNF for all the prejudice stuff he had to deal with today.
COMBATSYS: ElFuerte has ended the fight here.
Log created on 19:38:09 06/07/2012 by ElFuerte, and last modified on 15:15:55 06/10/2012.