Description: In the Grand Canal, Lita and Lightning Spangles are called upon to fight and distract the protesters. It ends up being a quick and brutal fight on both ends. And that's just from the ladies. (Winner: Lightning Spangles)
"Sciopero! Sciopero!"
As the SNF crew falls into place along side the grand Canal of Venice, gondolas choke the waterway, unfilled. On one side of the river? Lines of furious Gondoliers, encamped to protest the working conditions of the average canal boater. On the other?
The ring for the Saturday Night Fight.
Standing alongside the canal, the rhinestone-studded, All-American Cowgirl Heroine Lightning Spangles stares at the shouting backdrop, head cocked. "Well don't that beat all." She drawls, hands on her hips. The camera crew stands by, as well as the judge. As the belligerent gondoliers continue their nighttime protest, a third player stands at the sidelines, intermingling with the audience.
The Venice Police.
And from where Lita stands, she's in awe of how many are gathered here not because of performing in front of an audience. She's done seminars. She has trained recruits this is not a problem. No the awe comes from how many aren't here to see a fight but to protest. It makes her stomach turn thinking about it.
Like it or not, she's contractd to be here and she'll fight regardless. Clad in a single legged, sleeveless, catsuit Delta Red uniform, she takes a deep breath and gets herself ready to go into battle. She glances up and sees Jezebel cringing for a moment at the memory of watching the PSA that her fellow Delta Red member Cammy did with her. Then she shakes her head trying to clear all of that out of her mind. She then fiddles with the quick release latch on her sword a few moments before quickly latching the sword on her back.
"I suppose, you're Lightning Spangles. We should probably get this show started." She falls into stance but yet, she's not immediately going for her sword.
COMBATSYS: Jezebel has started a fight here.
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Jezebel 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Lita has joined the fight here.
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Lita 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Jezebel
The gaze of the cowgirl shifts from the protest, straight for the Delta Red.
ANd her eyes goes wide.
"Well boy howdy, you're a Delta Red!" She pipes up, flashing a smile. Dropping into her Tae Kwon Do stance, she begins to hop in place. "I just did a PSA with Cammy White, sugar! I hope you didn't make fun of her for it." Lightning Spangles shakes her head. "Cause if you did, I gonna have to kick you twice over Texas Style! You'll be so winded-" Suddenly, reaching into her vest, she looks at the camera. Drawing out a bottle of yellow drank, she stares straight for the camera, holding it eye-level "You'll need to refreshing taste of POWERTHIRST to wash it out. POWERTHIRST! PUNCH BEARS!"
And then, the judge gives the go ahead.
The explosion of speed may catch Lita off guard. Tossing the bottle aside, she belts towards Lita. Leading with a straight kick, she snaps high, before hopping once, launching a second kick with the same limb. Riding on the forward momentum, she changes up, sweeping her leg around for a first roundhouse, and then, the initial leg back around for a second. A four kick combo, aiming to take up Lita.
And knock her right down.
COMBATSYS: Lita blocks Jezebel's Quick and the Dead.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by POWERTHIRST!!
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Lita 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Jezebel
And just as quick as the actress comes in with her four kick combo, Lita's just as quick to react deflecting the first kick with an open palm and spinning with the impact of the second one letting it glance off her shoulders. When the final two kicks come in, Lita brings up both arms to catch both of the kicks on them before stepping back.
"I didn't. I know how much she hates the limelight. She didn't need me making her more miserable about it."
She readjusts her stance for a moment before she comes in for her own attack. Her hands snap out reaching for Lightning's arm and if she can get a grip on it, taking a step and throwing the actress face first to the ground while she performs a wrenching arm bar on her.
COMBATSYS: Jezebel blocks Lita's Close Quarters Catch.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Vigorous Gardens Flower Shop!!
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Lita 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Jezebel
The kicks are blocked, and for all the flashy kicks, Lita is a professional. When Lita comes in, Lightning Spangles gasps. Shoving forward, she manages to get the Delta Red's momentum away from her... but in term, provides her an arm to latch onto. As she is hurled, LIghtning Spangles preempts her, rolling straight to the ground. "Whoa! Such power!' She cries, overselling the real impact that Lita could sense. Unfortunately, as the armbar comes, she can't fake that out, and she struggles. "This is going to be a tough one for me, kids!" She announces to the camera trained on her.
"But it's times like these, I like to stop... and sniff the flowers."
One of the SNF stagehands slide across a basket of flowers by her face. One arm still struggling against the armbar, the camera zooms in to the warm grin of Lightning Spangles. "Vigorous Gardens Flower Shop is Italy's best kept secret! Serving 50 locations in 13 countries, their inspiring floral arrangements are the best gift for a mother, a brother, or even a special lover." Glowing, Lighting Spangles brings to twist into a crouch. .
And then, she explodes upward.
Spinning through the air, Lighting Spangles attempts to carry up Lita through the air. Body burning with multi-hued chi, she reaches the apex over the canal. Whether Lita is caught up or not won't matter the follow through. An explosive aerial kick will be unleashed, wreathing her a firework blast of blue chi followed by a second kick with a burst of red. The final kick brings a blast of white, hanging in the air right in front of a billboard for a second longer... before landing onto one of the gondolas.
Super Gondola Brothers!
Now Right-To-Work!
COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Lita with Where Eagles Dare EX.
> Determined Hit! <
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Super Gondolas Bros.!!
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Lita 0/-------/----===|===----\-------\0 Jezebel
Lita is ill prepared for the sudden explosive motion upwards nor the series of kicks sending her flying up to the air. She let's out a loud grunt as her body gets slammed by the explosive kicks. And as she falls she goes for the quick release latch on her sword and by the time she hits the ground, she has her sword drawn.
Lita, gets back up to her feet sword drawn and then she leaps to the gondola that Jezebel is on and comes down upon her with a powerful slash downwards careful enough to pull the heavy sword back before she can sink the gondola.
COMBATSYS: Jezebel endures Lita's Power Strike.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Vigorous Gardens Flower Shop!!
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Lita 0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0 Jezebel
Rocking the Gondola, the boos and hisses from the protesters don't even phase Lightning Spangles. Quickly rising up in the rolling boat, Lita is upon her. "Wait!" She exclaims. "Before you strike me. I must warn you...." But it is too late. Lighting Spangles stands there as Lita tears across her body.
Into an explosion of rose petals.
Shooting high in the air aloft the burst of rose petals, she swings a long leg into a wide arc. "I tried to warn you! I just received a floral arrangement from Vigorous Gardens Flower Shop from a special someone, so I am as high as a kite!" A message flashes across the screen for the viewers at home.
*Lightning Spangles is merely referring to how happy she is. Masters Corporation and Lighting Spangles Inc. does not condone the use of illicit substances*
As she brings the leg back around, still in the air, blood seeps through her top. But from her legs comes a scattering of small, fist-sized shimmering orbs of chi. As they pummel the ground around the Gondola, they explode in blasts of red, white, and blue fireworks. Still tumbling through the air, Lightning Spangles lands in another gondola..
To the pelting of rotten vegetables from the protesters.
COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Lita with Sundance.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by D.A.R.E.!!
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Lita 1/-------/=======|=======\-------\1 Jezebel
With Lightning Spangles completely flying out of the boat, it doesn't give Lita much of a chance to get her footing on the now rocking gondola. By the time she finally gets her balance back she's getting pelted by bursts of chi based fireworks leaving her in agony.
Lita shakily gets back to her feet rising to see leaks in the gondola. "Oh bloody hell," the Delta Red Lieutenant mutters to herself and then she leaps from gondola to gondola to get to actress/shill. Lita comes in with a hard shoulder charge at the Tae Kwon Do actress and then she follows it up by whirling around with a mighty swing of her sword, utilizing it like a cricket bat as she attempts to bash Lightning Spangles with it.
COMBATSYS: Jezebel blocks Lita's That's Not Cricket.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Blotto Bros. Wine!!
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Lita 0/-------/=======|=======\==-----\1 Jezebel
Landing on the far Gondola, Lightning Spangles seems distracted by the flurry of rotting vegetables. "Hey! You-a supprta The Super Gondola Brothers! You-a nothing more than a scabba and a shill!" Came the belting from the protesters. Lita doesn't need a lot of time to catch up to the woman; as the commando leaps on the boat, Lighting Spangles shifts away from the pelted veggies straight for Lita. As the shoulder charge comes, she catches it with her upper body cleanly. While a shill, the actress was showing some impressive defensive work. As the swing of the flat of the blade comes, Lightning Spangles catches it with her forearm, keeping her footing stable on the boat. Glancing over at the crew, she gets her next advertisement. "You may be fast, but nothing is faster than the smooth taste of Blotto Bros. Win-"
"Wait, Blotto Bros. Wine?"
The GLARE from Lightning Spangles towards the crew even silences the protestors. One of the stage hands clutches a bottle of Wine. "BLOTTO BROS. WINE!?" She screams, face turning red. "You are seriously trying to make me ADVERTISE WINE!?
And she locks her gaze on Lita again.
Winding back her foot, she steps in towards Lita. Leg burning with red, white, and blue chi, she simply ducks down, and attempts to launch the the Delta Red straight up in the air. Should she fail, then the energy for her righteous fury would dissipate. But should the kick be successful...
It would be Showtime.
COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Lita with A Few Dollars More.
>> Decisive Hit!! <<
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Alcoholics Anonymous!!
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Lita 1/---====/=======|====---\-------\0 Jezebel
With a single, furious kick, Lightning Spangles sends her opponent hurtling through the air. Pivoting around, she turns towards the cameras. Passes a glance to the protesters. Then back to the cameras.
"Folks, I'm going to talk to you about drinking."
Standing on the boat, she raising a leg up, placing it t the head of the boat. Leaning her elbow on her knee, she opens her hand. "Drinking is a serious matter, and I am downright offended that I am being used as a tool to promote it. Alcohol is the devil's drink, folks. It ruins your life, it ruins the lives of those around you, and even in moderation, well, if you can call any in moderation, it only tempts you to more and more. Some people might tell you that just one drink won't hurt."
"They are soul-crushing liars out to get you."
Pushing off the helms of the gondola, she walks down the boat. "I'm Lightning Spangles, and let me make this clear. I will never promote alcohol. Any time Masters Corporation, or any company asks me to promote liquor? I will redirect them to my personal sponsor, the Alcoholics Anonymous." As Lita returns back down to earth, Lightning Spangles pivots. "This is Lightning Spangles saying..." Unleashing a rocketing mule kick into Lita, an explosion rocks the whole canal, flaring up into an firework explosion, shaped in the form of a swaying American Flag. Saluting the camera, Lightning Spangles just states.
"Don't Touch The Stuff (tm)"
Lita attempts to get a hand there. She wants to be close to mix it up with Jezebel but she just does not seem to be handling the shakiness of the gondolas very well. Just a little rocking upsets her balance and with that loss of balance it sets everything in motion.
The fact that Jezebel even has time to turn the fight into a PSA is just insult to injury for the Lieutenant. Breathing heavy Lita climbs to her feet but she leaves the sword on the ground, not even being able to muster the strength to pick it up. She's not going to chase after Jezebel. She's already shaky enough as is and she doesn't want to risk drowning by gondola hopping with her last moments of consciousness.
Lita reaches for bandolier and draws several Kunai in both hands, and just starts throwing them before going for the pouch she has near her swords and she keeps throwing and throwing and throwing until her arms get sore and her legs give out, and consciousness leaves her.
COMBATSYS: Lita can no longer fight.
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Jezebel 0/-------/---====|
COMBATSYS: Lita successfully hits Jezebel with Steel Barrage.
CSYS: This exciting moment brought to you by Metzger's Kosher Bacon!!
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Jezebel 0/-------/=======|
As the finishing kick is unleashed, LIghtning Spangles hears the eruption of cheers from the protesters. How could they not cheer? Well, it might be because the protesters COULD be a plant. Or could not be. With Lightning Spangles around, who knows where the reality ends, and the fantasy begins? Keeping the salute up, she doesn't turn around for Lita's startling recovery. It seems that LIta will get her shot at Lighting Spangle's back, when suddenly, a voice cries out.
"Look Out Lightning Spangles!"
The call from the protesters is too late, however. As the cowgirl turns, Lita is already up, unleashing a storm of Kunai. She tries to twist, she tries to turn. But the knives drive hard into her body. Leaping into the air, she flies across the canal, hitting the interior of a gondola. Falling out of sight within the boat, there is a moment of tense silence. The protesters gaze upon their gondola. Did she make it? Slowly, Lightning Spangles rises up from the boat....
Clutching a package of bacon.
"Oy Vey!" She exclaims, looking at the camera with a grin, and her cowboy hat replaced with a skullcap. "It looks like this broke my fall. Metzger's Kreative Kosher products are some of the best nosh in the market. Whether Jew of Gentile, when you take a taste of Metzeger's brown-sugar cured turkey bacon, you'll be spending 40 days and 40 nights in heaven! Don't be a shmendrik! Try Metzger's Kosher Bacon today! Metzger's Kosher Bacon!"
"It's Not Pork! (tm)"
COMBATSYS: Jezebel takes no action.
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Jezebel 0/-------/=======|
COMBATSYS: Jezebel has ended the fight here.
Log created on 09:10:00 05/31/2012 by Lita, and last modified on 10:23:53 06/01/2012.