Match of the Millennium

Description: Fulfilling the promise he made before, Rei Hazuki pulls Junko into some individual training to address a few of the... issues noted in their first meeting. What results is unexpected for both master and student; Rei offers some advice for Junko, but it's advice with heavy caveats, and no promises of success. The question now remains: can, or will, Junko take the necessary steps?

[FREI]
One hopes, REALLY hopes, that in the weeks since what could charitably be called 'the park incident', that Junko has either learned what a cell phone is and how it works, or has invested HEAVILY in some anger management self-help books. Ideally both, depending on who you ask. One of these is considerably more likely than the other, however, and in truth, Rei Hazuki simply has no other way to contact Junko other than sitting in the Team Thunder dorm/hideout/fallout shelter and wait for her, an idea that was briefly considered and SWIFTLY discarded as A Problem.

This is why Junko got the following text message last night:

"Give this address" -- and a street address on Metro's lower east side -- "to your Uber driver. See you both at noon tomorrow."

Notable is that this says 'see you both', but was clearly sent only to Junko.

The address in question is not in the harbor proper, which is a little too populated and industrial for Rei's purposes -- but is instead the defunct dock of a former tourist ferry that went out of business years ago. It probably belongs to someone else now -- maybe one of Metro's many smuggling groups, or perhaps the city bought it back -- but is effectively abandoned. The old but solidly-built wooden planks stretch out into the bay a good distance; the ferries that docked on either side here were quite large, so the boat slips had to be relatively wide. The pier itself, built to handle crowds, is also plenty wide.

Sitting at the end of said pier, waiting for Junko to arrive, is her erstwhile red-haired mentor-slash-summoner, sitting in a half lotus, eyes closed, seemingly oblivious to the world. The late summer/early fall breezes have begun, occasionally causing the hem of his shirt or his bangs to flutter about idly; somehow, this is a serene place to be indeed, given that the civic bustle of Metro City is a quite literal stone's throw from this pier.

[JUNKO]
To the surprise of likely no one, Junko has done neither of those things.

In the case of the books, she can't actually read physical objects any more. Not unless someone decides to teach her braille or make a VERY specific form of writing using heated coils or something. She wouldn't read it either way since it's extremely unlikely there are books out there on how to keep an angry elder god from driving you slowly insane.

As for her phone, thus far no one has even attempted to contact her using it since that fateful day in the park. The only other mentor who has contacted her during her time among Team Thunder relied more on the Nightcrawler approach to enforcing privacy. Which was probably a good thing considering how Junko responded to the immortal's extremely aggravating attempt to get through to the young miko. Ichika hadn't bothered to give her a phone number or ask for hers which left the device more or less forgotten - until now.

Junko had strongly considered not going to this clandestine meeting. Considering that only one person thus far had made contact with her via the device, she had a pretty good idea of who to expect would be waiting for her. As far as she was aware, she didn't actually /have/ to respond to his summons. However, after the unpleasant business with Ichika, she found that the idea of getting away from the shared space of the team base was fairly appealing.

It had taken the act of courage of asking a random stranger to explain what the hell an 'uber driver' is and how she might acquire one to actually reach the meeting place. But, as the appointed hour drew near, a small black sedan rolled up at the far edge of the old run-down pier and disgorged a sullen looking Junko.

The miko's head swivels around as her ride roars off in a hurry, the driver apparently eager to put distance between themselves and the little bundle of joy that is Junko. It doesn't take her more than a few moments to locate her quarry but rather than start to stalk his way immediately the girl hesitates.

Of all the people she's met thus far, the soft-spoken xian frightens her the most. It isn't the ease with which he defused her attacks that makes her uneasy nor his quick-witted answer to her fiery fury; not that she hasn't noticed the rather pointed nature of their meeting place. Rather, it is his uncanny insight into the heart of her problems.

At the end of their first encounter he'd damn near hit the bulls eye with what seemed like a few casual parting remarks. She still isn't sure if he actually knows about her secret or just made an incredible guess. Either way, he's far too close to the truth for her comfort. As powerful as the mentor might be, no one is strong enough to withstand the attention of what sleeps inside of her.

Reaching into the pocket of her poofy hakama, Junko draws a small half-crumpled pack of cigarettes out and pops one into her mouth, the tip flaring up almost instantly. She doesn't like being this close to this much water. Or rather, /it/ doesn't, which in turns makes it harder to suppress its influence. Perhaps a little controlled pyromania will help take the edge off.

After a few deep breaths, the girl starts her steady march towards her waiting tutor, trying very hard not to think about just how sturdy the old wood is beneath her feet.

[FREI]
There's an extremely good chance that Junko approaches and is even waiting a little bit before the redhead says, without opening his eyes, "Uncomfortable, isn't it?"

He doesn't wait for a reply; green eyes blink open, before Rei rolls his head a bit on his slightly stiff neck, then pushes off the salt spray-peppered wood and gets to his feet. Behind him, the blue-green-black expanse of the bay, despite the peppering of ships and landmarks visible in it in the great distance, feels like a void he could fall backward into and never be heard from again.

Rei doesn't walk toward Junko; where she wants to stand and how she wants to do this is primarily up to her. But he does have things to say, for certain, and wastes no time getting to them. "Water douses fire in the overcoming cycle, after all," he says, watching the young woman carefully. "The sea is to the south of us, and you're to the north of me... but fire is associated with the south, and water with the north."

Lacing his fingers together, the xian stretches them overhead, arms and hands making an arc; he even points his toes somewhat, standing an inch or two taller, and yawns before continuing. "Do you feel out of balance, maybe?" he asks, genuinely curious. "Like things are just a little bit out of place? Maybe you don't even know WHY they're out of place; you just have this vague sense that something is capital-w Wrong."

These are guesses, and Junko's face right now betrays nothing, but Rei is pretty confident that he is, if not literally correct, then at least in the same zip code.

"You, Daidouji Junko, are out of balance. In about a thousand different ways." A pause, a shrug. "I'm supposed to be helping you fight, but to be honest, there are other mentors who can help you more with that. If you want to find some way to exist in the world without feeling like you're burning an increasingly short wick to the end, however... I might be able to help you with THAT."

Another pause, another shrug. "If you want. Can't make a horse drink, after all."

[JUNKO]
Just as she had in their first meeting, Junko draws up well short of what most people would consider conversational distance. Her reasons for keeping distance are a little different this time, however, based more in the fear of being hurled into a mass of water so big she's not even sure she could find the other end of it. How much of that unease is actually her own is impossible to tell and, ultimately, irrelevant. She feels it all the same.

When the xian finally speaks, he actually catches her off guard enough to make the miko jump a little. She glowers at him with a faint look of guilt and accusation, as if he had done it on purpose, but remains silent. She was called here for a reason. Might as well found out what that reason is before deciding on how annoyed to be about it. So, for the moment, she settles on a nice comfortable 'grumpy'.
That quickly begins to change, however, replaced with a distinct sensation of cold fear as Rei delves into a subject that has very little to do with either her or their current locale. Or it wouldn't, if he wasn't privy to a particular bit of information she has tried desperately to keep absolutely secret.

Junko's head slowly tilts downwards as he continues to speak, hiding her eyes behind the curtain of snowy bangs so that he can't see the emotion welling up inside of them. Her slender fingers clench into tight fists at her side, a gesture that might be mistaken for anger at first glance, when in truth she's just trying to conceal the subtle tremors in her hands.

He hasn't said it outright but it's fairly obvious that the flaming cat is out of the bag. Which would explain why she was called all the way out here to the middle of no where. A flimsy wooden bridge that would combust rather easily if exposed to hellish flames. A body of water deep enough to drown a volcano. The pieces of the puzzle are fairly easy to put together.

The cigarette in her mouth, now little more than a cherry red stub, tumbles from the girl's mouth to scatter hot cinders on the dock. Junko swallows hard, unsure of what to say without context to his motives. His words give her the notion that he wants to help her rather than simply destroy her but after so long keeping people at arm's length it's hard for her to judge.

It could just be a ruse to keep her soul mate placated long enough to strike. He certainly has no reason to stick his neck out for her in this manner. Or is it that he doesn't fully appreciate the magnitude of the threat she poses? Perhaps he knows the nature of her problem without having any insight into its true name. If so, why mention the cycle? It's crucial that she finds out.

"H-how did you know?"

Gathering up her resolve, the miko lifts her chin and forces herself to look Rei in the face. She can't see his own eyes nor the expression he has but it feels like a gesture of strength and she needs that pillar right now.

".../what/ do you know?"

[FREI]
"Couple unrelated things," Rei says, not bothering to get cute or circuitous about it. Junko's agitation is palpable... as is the agitation of SOMETHING else. He had his suspicions after they fought; something in the flame she used, the anger that seemed barely controllable. Of course you can control your anger if it's not actually YOURS. Most of why he set this is up is to help the young woman get a semblance of control over something raging out of control.

But maybe 10% of it is finding out whose rage it is in the first place.

"Some of it's behavior," the xian continues, locking his hands together behind his back and pacing idly and erratically back and forth on the pier. "Some of it is that your energy very legitimately IS off, skewed. Consider that you give the impression of something barely restrained, only just holding back... but then, what question does that ask? Holding back *what*?" A shrug, again. "Power responds to will. If it's not responding to your will, then it's responding to SOMEONE'S."

A pause, before the redhead stops pacing, then turns back to Junko, before taking a step forward toward her, and another. Not being intentionally threatening, but certainly and definitively closing the gap between them. "That was all part of it. But the BIG one is that you seem afraid of your own flame. That layer of anger you pour over it is extremely brittle. All Djamila had to do was be nice to you in order to crack it."

He stops, still a reasonably healthy distance away, and tilts his head to the side, an expression of genuine curiosity. "You want to tell me why? Why your own power scares you? Why someone showing you compassion or encouragement makes you crazy?"

[JUNKO]
Dread knots up in Junko's stomach and settles there like a lead ball leaving her feeling nauseated and dizzy. Rei lays it all out for her in no uncertain terms, skipping the flowery language and trite wisdom, instead giving her very direct answers to the questions she had asked.

As she had feared, the xian is far too perceptive for his own good. With every point he makes she feels the layers of protection she has sacrificed so much to create start to get peeled away, exposing her weak and vulnerable core with calculated observations. Even if he isn't aware of the exact problem that plagues her, its obvious that she can't lie to him in any convincing way.

The miko stands there in silence as Rei carves away at her soul, wanting to do something to make him stop before it's too late but too terrified to take any action out of the fear of what she might find herself doing. He had already shown himself more than capable of dealing with the sliver of might that Junko was able to harness on her own. Would he even realize the threat in time to escape if the demon awoke and took control? Would it even matter if he did?

Paralyzed with indecision and fear, Junko remains motionless until the final questions are thrown at her. She flinches visibly, shuddering as if the words had hit her like stones instead of sounds. Her mouth opens, as if she wants to speak, but all that comes out is wordless noises of distress.

*Tell him, girl.*

The miko suddenly stands bolt upright, all of the blood draining out of her already pale face. She stares at Rei with wide eyes, flames swirling dangerously to life in her crimson irises until they glow like stoked coals. Her fists clench even tighter, nails biting into her palms until blood drips between her fingers, her jaw clenched so tightly that her teeth grind audibly.

*Do you think your silence will save him, child?*

The voice rumbles with horrific malicious laughter, a thunderstorm of pressure that fills her head with the promise of violence.

*You have already failed to protect him with your pitiful displays, fool. You thought to hold back my rage so as to spare others but in so doing you have made your plight obvious... and thus condemned him!*

Junko falls to her knees, hands clutching at the sides of her head. Anguish twists her expression into something heart-wrenching, like a child that has disappointed an overbearing parent and now faces a terrible punishment. Tears well up in the corner of her eyes and swiftly overflow, pouring down her pale cheeks in twin rivers of unchecked emotion as she shakes her head.

"No...! Please, I did what you said! I... I didn't tell him!"

*It matters not, girl. You know the terms of the bargain... and the penalties for failure...*

Turning her gaze up towards Rei, the miko looks at him with haunted eyes. Fear and desperation war for supremacy over her expression, fighting and twisting it in a constantly shifting mask of chaotic emotion.

"Run..."

Her voice quivers as she forces the word out in a desperate plea even as the air around her starts to waver with intense heat.

"Please...!"

[FREI]
The xian isn't privy to the conversation that's going on inside Junko's head... or at least, not to the WORDS. Only an idiot would miss the results, considering her reaction on a physical level. More than that, though, he can *feel* it. A person's aura -- their defense against the hostile chi of others -- is much more durable than most would understand it to be. It has to be; part of its job is to protect a person's *internal* chi, their actual and quite literal life force, which would be fatal if it were drained away. Some Darkstalkers, mages, and other specialized types evolved to be able to pierce that barrier quite easily, but most people -- even experienced fighters -- can't.

Someone's interal chi is the 'me of me and you of you'. And now that... whatever it is has awakened, Rei can feel it: where there should be one single strand, one proverbial heartbeat, there are two. Twined around each other like ivy.

Or like a pair of strangling hands.

Below the pier, waves kick up as if a thunderstorm were just on the horizon, despite the day being clear as a bell, as if picking up whatever it happening in the girl's head and reflecting it in the natural world. But the green eyes that stare back at Junko, despite her outburst, despite the wild resonance with the world around her, are calm... perhaps, atypically, even a little cold. Unless she breaks it by looking away, the xian keeps the girl's gaze *perfectly*, unblinking, unflinching.

If whatever this is intends to scare him away, that plan has failed in a big way. "I told you before that I'm not afraid of you," Rei says calmly.

"But did you think I was talking to the girl?"

A technique the xian last used... eons ago. A literal entire world ago. But the principle is the same, and now that he knows what he knows, considerably easier to do. No trinkets, no paraphernalia are needed: just knowledge, and patience. Everything else is right here. His inner eye flashes back to an impossible memory: a valiant and beautiful young man, desperately holding a demon at bay. A feeling in the air as if the entire world was Wrong, as if nature itself was rejecting everything around it.

Not that different from right now, actually.

A hand comes up to Rei's face, index and middle fingers extended, and only now do his eyes close. "The cycle eternal spins on; wood is consumed by flame, feeding the earth with ashes. From the earth rises metal, which collects the water that nourishes the wood." The water below him, whipped to frezy in the space between Junko and himself, calms to glass smoothness behind him. "Come back to the cycle and let this spirit rest."

The green eyes open. Rei twists his hand around, holding his palm out as if offering something to Junko. "Nanashi Senjutsu: Renge Mankai."

Blooming in his palm is a lotus flower of pink-white light, which becomes a flurry of petals that float innocently through the air at Junko. Rei is no mage, no spellcaster, but this is in many ways a kind of spell: the first actual senjutsu art Rei ever created or used. It causes no harm, strikes no blow. Its purpose, instead, is to calm the rage of spirits. To restore balance. To straighten what was skewed.

What effect it will have now remains to be seen. But the smile he wears, watching it happen, bespeaks a quiet confidence.

[JUNKO]
To Junko's horror, her words are not simply ignored, but thrown back in her face. The xian defiantly stands his ground as the monster within surges, thrashing wildly against the walls of her feeble mental barrier. Keeping the furious soul placated was a matter of exhausting willpower, a constant war of endless vigilance and dedication. It left her distracted and irritable on the best of days - and that was when the demon had been all but dormant. Now that it is actively fighting her with all of its power she doesn't stand a chance of holding it back.

The miko's entire demeanor shifts in the span of a heart beat at Rei's provocation. Her lips peel back in a feral snarl, the girl's expression of dread morphing in a display of anger that contorts her soft features into a mask of demonic outrage.

More literal transformations grip the hapless girl as well. The blazing fire in her glowing irises expands to fill the entirety of both eyes, flickering wells of scarlet red power that seem ready to burst apart. Junko's long mane of white hair simply ignites all at once, the snowy locks seeming to melt into scarlet and orange tongues of flame that flow out behind her like a torch in the wind.

Ferocious heat washes out from the miko's body in a palpable wave, far more potent and intense than the inefficient displays of power she had unleashed at the xian during their first encounter. Even being this close to the entity emerging to claim her flesh is like standing uncomfortably close to a roaring bonfire, except most natural fires don't actively seem to be taking enjoyment out of your discomfort. Raw malice, so excessive and primal as to be more akin to a force of nature than an emotional state, intertwines with the flames, enhancing them into something far more deadly than a mere inferno.

"You dare?!"

Indignation resonates through the words, Junko's soft girlish voice twisted with a hatred far beyond any mortal sentiment. She rises to her feet, hellish scarlet fire erupting around both hands as the demon funnels its power through her body far more effectively than she ever could. Deadly flames gather in her palms, a torrential outpouring of corrupted power strong enough to set the entire world ablaze in its wrath.

Yet, even as the demon thrusts her hands forth and prepares to unleash a cataclysm upon the foolish xian, that elegant glowing flower bursts apart into motes of calming light. Junko's eyes narrow and then go wide in surprise, the girl staggering backwards as it realizes the intent behind the technique.

The attempt to quell such a mighty foe with something so simple should be utterly laughable. A literal god is not beholden to such trifles. But, she isn't a god - not in truth, anyways. Not with her soul bound so intimately to this little wisp of a mortal. What irony that this child had accomplished in her foolishness what the most powerful of sorcerers failed to ages ago.

"This... won't quell my wrath... forever... mortal...!"

The demon-possessed girl sways drunkenly, fighting to maintain control against the calming light. The scarlet flames begin to flicker and then gutter out and with them the sweltering heat and crushing emotional pressure. Bit by bit, Junko's transformation begins to reverse itself. Her hair snuffs out leaving behind the silken snow white bangs bedecked with cute red ribbons. The fire in her eyes withdraws in stages, first into the blazing red circles of her irises and then that too fades to a natural hue.

The final change comes to the young teen's face, the demon's snarling hate-filled glare softening into a child's confused wide-eyed stare. As the last traces of her possession fade, Junko suddenly gives a start and looks around wildly. When her gaze falls upon Rei, still alive and unmolested, she stares at him in disbelief for several long seconds, shock writ large upon her face.

"You... you're not..."

Relief so powerful it turns to pain hits her like a mallet, dropping the girl to her knees on the pier. She buries her face in her hands and sobs openly, letting loose a torrent of pent up grief, anxiety, and guilt that had been bottled up for years.

[FREI]
Light trails in streamers from Rei's extended fingertips as whatever angry spirit has been quieted burns out the final embers of its defiance, the redhead's eyes and face in an expression of perfect calm.

Which he then kinda ruins. "Who are you calling mortal?" the xian asks, eyes opening and hand coming down. "Jerk."

He's savvy enough to keep quiet and still, however, while Junko lets some of the pain bleed out in the only way humans really can. The green eyes turn elsewhere, providing as much 'privacy' as you can get at the end of a pier in broad daylight, but in truth, Rei's glad for the moment of not needing to say anything, because it lets him focus an inner eye on whatever it is that just... well. 'Receded' is the right word. He can still feel it, there, simmering beneath the surface. His earlier mental image, of twining ivy, feels even more on the money now than it did before, but it's more like Junko's spirit is a green, flowering plant... and this other than is rife with thorns, the twining pushing their sharp points into place. It's not a natural synthesis at all, not two things growing in harmony.

Hmm.

Once Junko's had some time to get it out of her system, Rei bends down and sits seiza on the dock, resting his hands palm-down on his knees and looking at the girl with his head slightly lowered; if he was wearing glasses, he'd be looking at her over the top of the rims. "So. Forgive my bluntness, but that's a temporary measure. We don't have much time, and I think there's some things we need to talk about during that time." One auburn eyebrow goes up. "You think you can manage that?"

[JUNKO]
Perhaps unsurprisingly, it takes quite a while for the girl to regain her composure. Five long years of living in constant fear - of others and what they might think of her, of the monster living inside of her and what it might make her do, and of herself and the memories that her foolishness had wrought. It's taken a fearsome toll on her spirit. To have that burden lifted, even if only for a brief time, is like finally being able to breath cleanly after an eternity of near suffocation.

Eventually, Junko's sobs recede into sniffles and whimpers. When the xian speaks to her again, she takes a few moments to notice. Her head lifts and reveals her face, that of a frightened and lonely child no longer in thrall to the soul-twisting hate that had threatened to burst forth from her only a short while ago. The miko stares at him with weary eyes, her expression forlorn and resigned. After a few silent moments she nods.

Turning to face Rei properly, Junko slowly shifts her own posture to mirror his, tucking her feet underneath her to rest on her knees. Rather than place her hands on her knees, however, her palms come to rest flat on the still warm dock followed swiftly by her forehead. A gesture of utmost deference and supplication.

"Please," she whispers, her voice still raw and full of emotion. "Tell me what I must do."

[FREI]
"Alright, alright, get up," Rei says, with a trace of a smile. "I get you're grateful, but dogeza's a bit much," he adds, clearly embarassed by this. The harder part, though -- 'tell me what I must do!'. That's going to take some doing, and the worst thing is, at the moment, the lack of vital information (like who they're dealing with) means the xian's offered advice will be the most effective suggestion he can give, rather than any sort of definitive fix.

If there even IS a 'definitive fix', he thinks to himself, grimly.

Once Junko's sit back up, at least, the redhead clears his throat and continues. "Well... I'm sorry to say that if you want a long-term solution, that's out of my hands." A pause, and his mind's eye flickers over the names of the other Thunder sponsors, remembering who they are. 'Peng You' is a cypher, and two of the others seem like perfectly fine pro fighters with no real specialized knowledge in this domain, but ONE of them... hmm.

"You should talk to Ichijo Ayame," the xian ventures carefully, in case she's already tried that. "This is very much her specialty, more than mine. I'll warn you, though: she's not warm and cuddly like yours truly, and is more than capable of defending herself against..." He pauses, then makes a vague wave-y gesture with one hand, "...all that."

Ayame... yeah. She might have a more long-term, directly effective solution to all of this. That would be ideal.

But.

Rei takes a deep breath in, and lets it out. "But I can still offer... well. Call it 'advice', not solutions. I can't fix your problem, but I can help you deal with it long-term."

A pause, and then the xian winces a bit. "God, I'm was raised in Japan and even I wonder how people sit like this all the time," he suddenly says with a sheepish grin, getting out of seiza and sitting cross-legged on the dock. "Right. Okay. So, point one: I'm sure you know more about the circumstances of your... let's call it 'possession' for lack of a better word... than I do." He holds up a hand, pre-emptively. "You don't need to explain them to me. That's your business, and in truth it kinda doesn't matter for what I'm about to say."

"Daidouji-kun... no. Junko. Listen: all of this?" And here, he gestures with his hands to encompass the young girl's body, making a vague shape in the air to approximate her size, "This is yours. Whoever, WHATEVER that is, is just a passenger. Think of it like... uh, well. Think of it like that Uber you took here," he adds, unexpectedly; he must have seen her get out of the car. "You didn't own that car. You weren't able to drive it without literally forcing him out of the seat, but -- and don't take this the wrong way -- your whole 'secluded mountain shrine maiden' vibe suggests you can't drive a car, meaning even if you DID steal the wheel, you'd have promptly driven said car into a building or off the pier, and that would be that. But you COULD be a huge hassle from the backseat: complaining, jumping around or being disruptive. You could ruin his driving experience, easily."

A shrug, before he continues. "You're both the car and the driver in this scenario. Your... passenger, is on their worst behavior. It makes driving the car awful for you. But this is the important bit: the passenger *needs you*. If they want to get where they're going -- hell, if they want to SURVIVE -- they need you. Because if they didn't... pardon my harshness, but you wouldn't be here right now. They either can't, or won't, hurt you directly. With me so far?"

[JUNKO]
Junko resumes sitting up straight at his insistence, though it feels an unearned privilege. After everything she has done at the behest of the demon there is a great deal more groveling on her part to do. Instead, she settles on keeping her face down turned, eyes hidden behind the unkept curtain of white bangs like a small child being reprimanded. She certainly feels very small and vulnerable right now.

The first thing out of Rei's mouth is a crushing blow to the little hope that had been kindled in her. His ability to drive the beast back had offered a brief glimmer of possibility that there was a solution to be offered from his seemingly vast wisdom. Of course, she should have known better. Nothing that powerful ever comes easily.

There is a rather unusual response, however, at the mention of the team's other resident miko. Junko's shoulders tense up, her lips pressing together in a thin line. She says nothing as Rei warns her about having outbursts around her fellow shrine maiden, merely offering a stiff nod at the end. There's definitely something going on there but the girl gives nothing else away in either her expression or body language.

Fortunately, there is a brief moment of levity as Rei expresses a complaint all too common among foreigners and young children. Not that she'd encountered the former until recently but the handful of merchants who would go out into the wider world always had stories to tell. The corner of Junko's mouth twitches upwards on one side in a rare display of amusement but she bites her tongue, merely shifting her weight a little to get more comfortable on the hard dock. She'd endured far worse things than a foot cramp during her training and been through hell since then.

Rei's ability to guess her reactions seems almost prescient as he stops her from trying to elaborate on the details of her circumstances. The demon has been so adamant about keeping her from letting anyone know, it almost seems imperative that she explain it to /someone/. Perhaps there's a reason it doesn't want its name being passed around, some weakness that can be exploited. But apparently the xian disagrees so she just closes her mouth and nods.

Being called by her first name is both oddly pleasant and instinctively uncomfortable. Having been raised in an extremely traditional culture, even by modern Japanese standards, the concept of proper manners and honorifics has been hammered into her skull as one of the core foundations of proper etiquette. The only person still alive who even dares address her in such a familiar way without fear of repercussion is her uncle. It's strangely intimate but she suspects that was the point.

And then they are talking about cars and Uber drivers for some reason. Junko lifts her head long enough to give the xian a very confused stare, blinking at him owlishly as he tries to lay out a metaphor for her predicament. Motorized vehicles are rather new to her but the concept behind them is not so different from that of a carriage. It takes her a bit to run everything through her 'secluded mountain shrine maiden' filter but by the end she's -fairly- sure she understood his point.

And it's one that brings back some rather depressing memories. When she had first committed her great sin and botched the transfer ritual almost a full third of the entire clan had died in the resulting blast. Many of the people who lived in the remote village had lost kin and almost every single senior member of the shrine had died in the effort to minimize the damage. In effect, she had single-handedly undone the work of countless generations of careful breeding, ensuring that the strongest and most talented spirit mediums would carry on the important legacy of keeping such monstrosities contained.

Quite a few voices had called for her life as penance for the deed. Indeed, it's likely she would have been cut down on the spot were it not for the fact that /it/ wouldn't let her die. They had tried, oh they had certainly tried. But no, she was still alive by the virtue of sheer cosmic irony.

Again, her shoulders slump and she nods silently.

[FREI]
It comes as a surprise, though it probably shouldn't, that Junko's responses are all nonverbal. Rei doesn't take it personally; any idiot could see she's trying to process a lot right now, not even including the metaphor about Uber drivers. He has no idea about the details of her trauma, but they aren't really necessary, anyway; people don't have as much control over their facial expressions as they think they do, and it's not particularly likely that Junko is controlling them at all, right now. Strata of hurt and trauma pass behind her eyes like shadow puppetry, suggesting the shape but not the content. The shape is enough, however.

Realizing he's going to be doing most of the talking, the xian clears his throat and continues, bringing up a hand to rub the back of his neck. "The other thing I'd say, and it's something you probably already know, is... well." A pause. How to describe this? Especially since it's very likely the young miko could do so better than he could. "*Your* energy and *its* energy aren't separate. They're... intertwined. Intermingled." He holds his hands in front of them and clasps them together; an incomplete visual metaphor, but the best he can do without a PowerPoint slide deck, at the moment.

"What that means, though, is something you might not want to hear: it's part of you, and you're part of it. It's not like a ghost we could exorcise or something like that. And that means that even if it does something to push you, or goad you, or even threaten you... *you still have a choice*."

The last words are surprisingly sharp, given the soft and empathetic approach he's taken to this point, but Rei forges on regardless. "It's... a professional would tell you it's an abusive dynamic, and that's certainly true. I'm only guessing, but based on what I saw a few minutes ago, and what you were saying aloud, it can threaten you... or worse." He remembers briefly the surging flame, the angry voice.

"So please, don't hear this as me saying you're not a victim, here; you are. Bad things are probably going to keep happening, and I'm sorry I can't prevent that. But listen."

Rei unfolds upwards to a standing position, and extends a hand to Junko to help her up. "Getting you to believe you have no choice, that you HAVE to obey... that's what it wants, I think. You can always choose, though. Options, well... you might not have a lot of options. But you ALWAYS have a choice, and it might hurt to do so -- in fact I can probably guarantee it will -- but the more you choose to do what YOU want instead, the easier it will get, little by little, over time."

[JUNKO]
There was a time, long ago, when Junko was the sort of person who couldn't -stop- talking. Without the trappings of modern electronics to provide her entertainment, she had to seek her fun elsewhere and that usually involved having conversations. Young and inquisitive, she always had a question to ask or a comment to make on just about everything.

The demon had burned that spark out of her along with just about everything else. The only time people wanted to talk to her after the tragedy was to hurl insults or demand answers she couldn't give. At first she had been content to let them shout at her, even done her best to try and offer consolation even though no apology could ever account for her mistake. But, eventually, the constant abuse had worn her down. The rage was growing harder and harder to control and with every spiteful word heaped upon her the girl's temper flared a little brighter. It had taken another smaller outburst, another loss of lives, to convince everyone that she should just be left alone.

Now, all the girl can remember using her voice for is to inflict pain. To scream, to threaten, to do whatever it took to drive people away. She is reluctant to speak despite having so much to say. After all, there's no telling what sort of hateful nonsense will spill out of her mouth. The demon is asleep, that much she can sense, but years of living under its malicious yoke has left scars on her soul that have hardened into armor. And the best armor always takes a long time to shed, especially without help.

Rei's second metaphor proves much easier to understand, particularly because she was already aware of the nature of her bond with the demon. What few remaining priests had remained in the village had done their best to dislodge the furious spirit from her own but it was obviously a futile task. She was bound to the beast in ways that no one really understood, ways that shouldn't have been possible. But then, that's probably why it was a bad idea to try and conduct an ancient ritual that usually involved a dozen people on her own.

The part about choice is the hardest pill to swallow. Again, not because it is new information, but rather something she was already bitterly aware of. The problem isn't that she doesn't have a choice, it's that all of her choices are terrible. She could, of course, simply ignore the demon's threats and try to carry on with her life as if it didn't exist. Even tried it for a brief time too. All that resulted in was more blood on her hands.

"But... you saw..."

The miko speaks again, her voice still soft and timid. She shakes her head slowly, eyes squeezing shut against the memory of the hellish fire and malignant power that had surged up through her.

"You saw what happens when I try to disobey."

Her fingers slowly squeeze shut, digging into the poofy cloth of her pants as memories haunt her waking mind. Images of those who had previously dared to ignore her warnings or thought themselves up to the task of quelling the spirit's fury.

"Everyone else... they aren't... like you. I'd be risking their lives."

[FREI]
As patiently and carefully, but firmly, as he possibly can, Rei delivers the answer to that, which is a single and ineluctable truth of this and many other situations:

"That's for them to decide."

That is the horrible, terrible truth of the situation, and it's more complex than it sounds. Acknowledging that other people can make the choice to put themselves at risk or not seems simple, and in some ways it is: it relieves you of the burden of needing to 'control' them, for given values of control. It means that you don't have to torture yourself to 'protect' them.

He cannot help but think of how miserable he made himself, long ago, to fit into his mother's mold of what a good little swordsman he should be. How part of letting go of that was acknowledging that he was doing it to protect her feelings.

But letting go isn't the scary part.

When the xian speaks next, his voice is surprisingly quiet; the sort of tone you use when trying not to scare away an animal, or soothing a wailing child. "Not everybody will leave," the redhead says, finally, trying to find the right words, and it's now that he makes sure to make eye contact with Junko. "Some people will. I'm not going to lie to you about that. Some people won't be willing to make the choice or take the risk."

And it's obvious, SO obvious, that this is what has happened to Junko already. That either people took the risk and were taken from her -- well, 'taken' -- or that they acknowledged the risk and then left her all by herself.

What an awful way to live.

"But others will stay, especially if you are honest with them. The people around you... you're right. Not everyone on Team Thunder, for example, is as well-equipped to deal with your alter ego's tantrums as someone like Ayame or I am... but they're..." He was about to say 'adults', but are they? Some of them are quite young indeed.

But they're making adult decisions. They're acting in an adult world. That makes all the difference.

"They can make their own decisions. And if they stay, and they reach out to you, DESPITE whatever it is in your head demanding they don't... it's another crack in the wall, you know? You've been told by this thing for who knows how long that life is one way, but that was because it needs you to believe that."

A faint smile, here, at the end, from Rei. "I am here to tell you that's not the way it is, and hopefully I've shown you enough evidence that I can be trusted on that."

[JUNKO]
"But..."

In the face of that simple truth, Junko's voice begins to crack with emotion. Her chin lowers again, shoulders drooping, as fresh misery floods through her at the thought of accepting his advice. When she looks up at him a moment later, meeting his gaze for the first time, her eyes are full of bitter tears that pour down her pale cheeks in twin rivers. Apparently she still had a few left to spare.

"I don't want them to die!"

Of course, she has the choice to do as he suggests. Be brave, face the danger. Let everyone know exactly what sort of terrible risk they'll take just by choosing to accept her company. It's easy enough to say that she absolves herself of the responsibility by leaving that choice to each individual person. They acknowledged the threat, they knew the danger.

Some will leave, some will stay. Rei does his best to console her with the idea that some people will be willing to give her a chance. That she won't be alone and abandoned any more. But that's not what she's afraid of. It never has been.

The solitude and the loneliness are awful, certainly. How many days has she spent alone, miserable, with nothing but old memories to haunt the empty hours. How many nights has she wept herself to sleep, wrapped in a ratty old blanket, desperate to feel the simple touch of another living soul tucking her in.

But, as awful has those moments have been, it's nothing in comparison to the soul-crushing terror of waking up to find another charred corpse lying at her feet.

So yes, she has a choice and always did. And she made her choice long ago. Her life is worthless, meaningless. Just a broken husk that refuses to die, a cursed specter that exists solely to inflict pain and suffering on those that draw near. It would be pure evil to inflict that curse upon others out of her own selfish desires.

"I can't... I can't ask that of them!"

The miko's face lowers again, droplets of anguish continuing to patter down onto her bright red pants like rain. She shakes her head, vehemently rejecting the very notion that anyone should be expected to risk their life for a fool like her. Especially after what she had done to Ichika, she has no right to expect that.

"Not for me... not for me..."

[FREI]
"Why not?"

The expression on Rei's face, as he asks that question, is almost comically quizzical and guileless, considering how weighty what he's saying is, in the context of Junko's question. The natural extension of it, after all, is: 'why can't you ask people to die for you?', depending on how you interpret it.

But.

"You don't get to decide that for them, kiddo," he says, continuing his process of overfamiliarity. A tiny part of him wants to ruffle her hair, thinking of another 'apprentice' from long ago, but thankfully some self-preservation and propriety circuit kicks in and stops that. "You want to, but you can't. It's not that you can't ask it, it's that you don't WANT to. And I get that. You don't want people to be hurt on your behalf, for varying definitions of 'hurt'. That's fair; noble, even."

A pause, and the green eyes close for a moment as Rei takes a deep breath in and out, deliberately. Too many thoughts about his own life wrapped up in this advice and now it's catching up with him; a moment needed to clear his head, to remember when and where and even WHO he is. That right now someone else needs him and what he can provide.

"Deep down, though, I bet you think you're not worth the risk," he says, finally, slowly, and carefully. "That it's better if YOU get hurt, if YOU suffer. Not to prevent them getting hurt -- you can't really control that -- but so that they don't even need to agonize over the *decision*, because you took it away from them." Another pause. You can't just deliver this one-two punch all at once.

"But that's not you. It's... whatever that thing is. It needs you to be compliant, dependent. It's EXTREMELY obvious to me, looking at you *now*, free of its influence, that you don't want to push people away. You do it because you think you have to. That's what it *wants*."

There's a moment where Rei realizes how intense and strained his voice had become, saying this, and he pauses, then sighs and shakes his head before looking at the young miko again. "I might be wrong about all of this. I'm doing a lot of educated guessing. But one thing is very clear: your choices are your own, Daidouji Junko. Nobody else's. Pretending otherwise is giving someone complete control over you. It's giving up before the fight even starts."

"The fight might hurt. In fact it's GOING to hurt. I can promise you that. Other people might get hurt too. But you can make that pain meaningful. You can have your pain be FOR something, for a REASON."

[JUNKO]
Rei might as well have brought a bag of hammers with him because he's slamming that nail relentlessly on the head. Not that it takes a great deal of insight to figure out what's going on in the girl's head. Now that she finally has the chance to actually unload some of the horrific baggage that's been weighing her down for years, Junko seems all too eager to wear her heart on her sleeve.

A lot of the things that the xian is telling her are things she already knew on some level. Junko always was a precocious little thing, able to empathize with problems far beyond her worldly experience. That proved to be an unfortunate trait to have in many ways in the wake of her folly.

All of the pain she had inflicted on others was all too clear as was the danger she posed. Though she could not see their expressions of scorn and fear, it wasn't hard to sense the apprehension others displayed being around her after that. The way they hesitated when their path crossed hers as if they might burst into flames if they got too close. The overly placating tone they spoke with as if she was a wild animal that might pounce on them at any moment. Former friends and playmates who never spoke to her again, saying volumes with their absence.

Nor could she blame them for it. She /was/ a danger. She /was/ a risk. Junko recognized it just as much as they did. Was it not a noble thing she did to put their lives before her own? To sacrifice her own happiness to preserve theirs after she had take so much already? She had thought it so and even Rei confirms it with his own words.

The insinuation that all of her protective urges come not from a place of noble spirit but dark manipulating whispers is difficult for her to understand. She knows her own heart, understands her own reasons for taking the path that she chose, doesn't she? How else could she keep others safe from a danger they are in no position to understand nor defend against? Was she supposed to simply go about her life as usual, introducing herself with a casual 'Oh by the way, I might randomly catch on fire and burn everything around me to ashes. Hope that's not too much of an inconvenience!'?

The girl shakes her head, denying his words but with uncertainty in her own.

"No... no, t-that can't be. It only wants to destroy, to hurt, to burn! I saved them! There was no other way!"

And yet he is right about one thing. Junko doesn't /want/ to push people away. Living as she has for the past five years, playing up the role of a monstrous beast in order to keep people as far away as possible has been pure suffering. Every time she had to chase off a good Samaritan, every kind word she repaid with bile and hate, every potential friend that she sent packing with the flames of Hell licking at their heels, was another wound in her heart. What she had done to Ichika...

She would give just about anything not to have to live like that any more. But what can she do? The darkness in her soul is far too strong for her to control, a being of pure congealed malice and rage. That she is able to keep it at bay at all is a small miracle. Yet he would tell her to throw caution to the wind and simply let people die for... what?

"I don't understand," she says, looking up at him. Wide eyes filled with innocence and no small amount of desperation search his face as if she might find the answer in the soft orange glow of his warmth. "What reason? What could be worth that?"

[FREI]
An interesting question, and not an unexpected one. 'What would make any of this suffering worth it?' sure feels like a relevant life question in general, never mind in this SPECIFIC instance. And of course, there's a secondary danger, of 'this can be meaningful' turning into 'so you deserve it', even though that is a spurious connection at best and outright contradictory at worst.

Still, it needs an answer.

"Change. Change is the reason," Rei says, with infinite patience, watching her response carefully. "Look: the world, the UNIVERSE, exists in a very careful balance. Things tip it one way or the other all the time. This means nothing comes without cost, and the cost of change -- of growth -- is often pain of some kind. It can be really literal, like physical pain, or it can be allegorical. The pain of loss, of letting go. The pain of admitting you were wrong, or mistaken. The pain of deciding something you held to be true for a long time is false. All of that stuff genuinely hurts, but it hurts so that you can move toward something better."

There's a pause, and Rei realizes this is probably his sign to start moving on. Being here when whatever is in her head comes back in force might not be wise; just because he could subdue it, doesn't mean he should provoke it needlessly. There's a rustle of cloth as the xian walks up to Junko, and then past her, before stopping a few feet away, talking about turning back around.

"Some part of you really wants -- NEEDS -- for all of this to be... 'its fault'. I get that. But ultimately your actions come down to you, and you alone, Junko. All the things you want, that you *need* -- friends, relationships, a sense of peace or calmness? They're all on the other side of decisions you can make."

A pause, and Rei turns his head ever so slightly, regarding the miko with his left eye, looking over his own shoulder. "It'll hurt. Probably a lot. And it's okay to say 'I can't pay that cost right now'... as long as you understand that means staying right where you are. Nothing changing, nothing growing. So consider giving trusting other people a chance. Let them make their own decisions. You might be surprised at the results."

[JUNKO]
Change.

A simple idea and yet one that carries a great deal of baggage. What she has been doing for the past five years works. It isn't pleasant, it isn't ideal, but it has allowed her to preserve the thing she thought was most important - namely the safety of those who don't deserve to suffer at her hands.

There is something deeply rooted inside of her that rebels against the idea that her own happiness is worth risking that change. Perhaps it is a self-loathing born out of the regret she feels for the harm her choices have caused. There is an ever-present sensation that haunts her waking moments, a sense of faint nausea that squirms in her guts every time she does or says anything. Fear, corrosive and insidious, plagues her every thought. What will the consequences be, when all is said and done?

Yet, what if what he says is true? What if that hesitation to reach out and trust that all will be well is just some malicious trick to keep her boxed up inside of her own doubt? It certainly has been easier to blame her suffering on the demon. The things that she has done would never have even crossed her mind were its omnipresent threat not driving her to desperate action. Could she really just be a puppet dancing to some secret script?

The mere thought of what might happen if she's wrong about that is enough to send shivers through the girl. It's true she has done many horrible things for the sake of protecting others. But the alternatives should she fail to do so are far worse. Ichika might hate her guts now and never want to see her again - but at least she's alive. And there's only one way that Junko can be certain she /stays/ alive.

That's the hard part, though, isn't it? The uncertainty of stepping into the unknown future. The xian promises her pain should she tread down that path. Perhaps more than she can afford to bear with her wounded soul. But there's also pain where she is right now, constant and unavoidable. For so long she's been desperately trying to avoid inflicting that evil suffering onto others, instead taking it all onto herself.

Junko sniffles quietly, staring down at the deck before her in silence.

She's tired of pain. Tired of waking up every morning to another dreary day of misery and solitude. Tired of the crushing despair that fills her to the marrow every time she has to interact with another living soul knowing she will leave only scars behind in her wake. Tired of the all-consuming hate that seems to have no reason or purpose save to drive her to madness.

To remain where she is promises more of that pain. To move forward suggests more of the same. Yet there is that tiny glimmer in the unknown darkness of the future, a brief glimpse of hope for a better tomorrow. It's something she's dreamed of for so long she almost forgot that it might actually be possible.

Junko remains seated as the xian makes to leave. His parting words are offered, a last lifeline thrown out to a drowning girl in an ocean of sorrow. She doesn't reach for it immediately, still unsure whether the salvation being offered is actually a length of rope or a slumbering serpent ready to bite her hand should she be foolish enough to touch it.

Instead the girl just sits there, quiet and unmoving, until she senses the departure of his warmth. All too soon the familiar sensation of the slumbering beast rouses within her bringing with it the all of the hate and fury of a maligned god.

By the time she leaves the docks there isn't much left - a few charred bits of old wood too stubborn to burn amidst a carpet of ash. Pain courses through her body, the agony of fresh burns where her hands had all but melted from the intensity of the demon's supernatural outrage at being insulted in such a manner. It had been necessary for Rei to speak with her without its interference but there would be consequences of such direct action.

Terror grips her, familiar and daunting, fear of what the demon might do to take retribution for this slight. Yet, perhaps for the first time, she need not face that horror alone. A comforting thought but also one that carries its own sort of anxiety. Would she be making the right decision to reach out for help or simply condemning others to die for her own sake?

"Only one way to find out..."

Log created on 14:54:48 09/17/2023 by Frei, and last modified on 20:00:44 09/18/2023.