SNF 2018.11 - SNF: The Destined Rock Battle

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Description: The powers that be have replaced the opening act for a Lordi show with a Saturday Night Fight featuring the BATTLE of the BANDS of DESTINY. Kyo Kusanagi versus the notorious Iori Yagami in front of a screaming crowd of metalheads somewhere in Europe. This seems straightforward -- except -- is that really Iori? The ID number checks out. Kyo Kusanagi must battle for his honor while his mettle is tested by a certain guitar witch. Can he prevail, or will the arockalypse devour him? (WINNER: [OOC] Kyo says, "Kyo's exhausted and has a confused boner.")

Most people would have some awful nerves, butterflies in their stomach, doubts, but Kyo, standing out here in front of all these people, holding his electric guitar, a black M-100FM with flame decals.

He doesn't wait for Iori to show up, he instead immediately starts playing a ridiculously intense riff for the crowd, yelling into the microphone in front of him, "I'm not gonna wait for my lame ass opponent, I'll show you the best guitar player in Japan right now!!!"

His fingers pluck the strings with such intensity that one can see the flames licking off his fingers.

A bra is tossed on stage.

DOOMFEST VON MURDERHEIM is not the actual name of this show, but it is the name that is being assigned to the show in I-No's head. Kneejerk joke names are way easier to remember for the constant parade of shows that are only useful to her in that they let her briefly pretend her life isn't what it is.

Amps and an audience. That's all they are. Usually. Usually because tonight, oh, tonight is one of those rare intersections of fate where she is offered the opportunity to fuck with someone. REALLY fuck with someone. Fuck with them so hard it may change the entire course of their life.

It's delicious.

As opening acts go, two hot young fighters and guitarists providing a human pyrotechnics show is a decent draw on its own. Not that the show needed it, but this kind of cross-promotion gets people in the door who would /maybe/ go to a metal show and would /maybe/ go to a fighting event but would /definitely/ go to something that's both at once. The field grounds are swollen with a crowd of young fanatics, old diehards, and middle-aged people who feel a bit over their heads. Despite their differences, they're all united in drinking beers that cost ten euros.

The behemoth of a stage has been cleared of most equipment, with some pieces left behind for set dressing for the fight. Nothing anyone would miss, considering they're probably going to get lit on fire or hurled around as impromptu projectiles. Kyo, aggressively appearing on stage first, has time to relish in his starpower before the roaring crowds. The novelty is fresh and hot and Kyo is there to soak in the giddy first blast of the crowd's interest.

The stage lights cut out. The amps die, leaving Kyo's guitar to immediately go dead. Behind him, a single spotlight shines onto the curtains. They part -- and, standing there in the illuminated darkness where backstage meets stage is Iori Yagami wearing a dress.

At least... it seems like Iori?? The red hair is there, and his... her?! back is to the crowd, showing off a familiar crescent moon symbol on the back of their uniform top.

The pyros explode along the stage, providing enough light to see. MAYBE PROBABLY NOT IORI turns and struts onto the stage, swinging around a guitar that definitely does not belong to Yagami. The woman -- the curves are impossible to argue with unless one gets into conspiracy theories about padding -- is wearing an old-fashioned schoolgirl uniform with a long skirt and a matching surgical mask. Her red hair covers one mysterious eye, while the other shifts through a wild kaleidoscope of hues as she walks.

The woman takes up a position opposing Kyo on the other side of the stage. She unexpectedly hops the last step, slamming her hand down in a vicious power chord that wakes up the amps and the lights in a tasty wall of sound. She points accusingly across the stage at Kyo, her words amplified by a mic clipped to her lapel.

"Hey, jackass! I hear you like swinging your big mystical sword dick around. Why don't you try thrusting at me and see if you can get me on my back?!"

COMBATSYS: I-No has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
I-No             0/-------/-------|

"I was looking forward to kicking Iori's ass, but I guess you'll have to do." Kyo smiles, apparently lacking any ounce of what one might call chivalry, given how many 'heroic' fighters in traditional media tend to make a big deal out of fighting a woman.

He instead makes one last guitar riff, then carefully sits his down behind him, cracking his knuckles. "I don't know who you are, but you're definitely making a mistake. I don't hold back, I teach people the error of choosing to fight me!"

He charges forward, then suddenly jumps, and lands, using the momentum to crouch down and power slide in her direction, before he thrusts off the ground with his hand to angle a flying kick directly at her stomach.

COMBATSYS: Kyo has joined the fight here.

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Kyo              0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0             I-No

COMBATSYS: I-No dodges Kyo's Aggressive Strike.

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Kyo              0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0             I-No

'Iori' -- let's just call this mystery woman Miss X for no special reason -- tilts her head to the side as Kyo immediately rolls with the circumstances.

"You really are a fuckin' brute every time, aren't you, Kusanagi? At least god gave you explosion hands so you wouldn't go through life confused."

Kyo comes rushing in. Miss X hunches forward, holding her guitar in one hand by its neck -- either she's got weirdly amazing forearm strength or there's some kind of stage magic holding the instrument in place as if she were wearing a shoulder strap, which she isn't.

The Kusanagi heir powerslides in for a handspring assault. Miss X, her visible eye flashing red in the light by the time he lands on the ground, springs forward and sails majestically through the air as Kyo's kick flies beneath her. She lands at center front stage, straightening her posture to a cocky poise.

"Nothing fancy for our first date? I'm not sure I'm gonna put out, Kusanagi. I may as well entertain these worms since you're shooting blanks!"

Miss X's hands fly across her guitar with blistering speed, unleashing a technically complicated and spiritually aggressive onslaught of notes that summons up a fresh roar from the crowd. The appreciation for her grandstanding and skill, communicated by this booming wall of sound, makes the air tense with possibilities. The lights seem to shine brighter around Miss X for no readily apparent reason.

She must be really getting off on it though. Or maybe grinding her hips into her guitar as she plays is just a gimmick thing.

COMBATSYS: I-No gathers her will.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Kyo              0/-------/------=|=======\-------\1             I-No

"I don't know you, but you're obviously strong! Just not as strong as me." Kyo's hands are suddenly in flames, barely paying attention to the crowd. "And damn right I'm a brute, that's what I do best!" He suddenly flings his hand and a burst of violent flames go crawling across the floor as if it's repeatedly exploding, very rapidly approaching her.

"You better stop flirting and fight back, or else these people will really get a show when your clothes burn off!" He holds up a single finger, blowing the flames off and leaving nothing but smoke. "Come at me."

COMBATSYS: Kyo successfully hits I-No with 108 Shiki - Yami Barai.

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Kyo              0/-------/------=|=======\====---\1             I-No

Miss X finishes her solo with a flourish, spinning around to face Kyo with a triumphant gleam in her visible eye. Her red hair shifts teasingly in the breeze. Even as the burst of flame comes exploding at her, Miss X's visible eye hints that she's smiling beneath her surgical mask. It doesn't seem like a kind smile.

"Not as strong as you? Maaaybe."

The power of the yami barai explodes up from the ground at her. Miss X thrusts her guitar forward to block it, but the flames surge with vigor and send her stumbling backward off balance. The mystery woman slams her guitar down to the side to keep herself upright. Her skirt has been burned to an arguably more stylish knee-length version.

Miss X reaches up and brushes her hair out of her face. It immediately falls back into place.

"After all, you've got a secret, don't you?"

With sudden strength, she swings her guitar up and hammers out another cruel chord. The air ripples in front of her, eerie green light swimming into existence and rushing forward to create a gnashing mouth. As it travels, it gains cohesion, becoming a kind of evil gremlin of a musical note.


COMBATSYS: Kyo endures I-No's Antidepressant Scale.
# Disabling hit! #

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Kyo              0/-------/---====|=======\======-\1             I-No

"What the hell is that?!" Kyo sudednly wonders, holding his arms up rather than moving out of the way or anything.

He finds his arms ripped at, jacket torn through and leaving his bloody, scratched up arms.

He reluctantly lowers his arms when the attack stops, looking down at his wounds after being pushed back so far. "I don't know what you are, but that won't work twice..."

He goes running for her again, but this time there aren't any tricks. He shifts from side to side until finally he's up close and personal. "The only secret I have is that I'm gonna kick your ass, and I don't keep secrets!!!"

First he swings an explosively flaming left hook, then snaps the same fist back for a flaming back hand, before finally he twists his body around to deliver a rising backhanded fiery uppercut.

COMBATSYS: I-No endures Kyo's 402 Shiki - Batsuyomi!

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Kyo              0/-------/--=====|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2             I-No

"Nothing's ever the same twice, spicerack," purrs Miss X, shifting her stance and her hold on her guitar. "That's the only thing that keeps me as perky as I am."

Kyo puts on a burst of speed. Miss X moves her weight again, leaning forward with an eager gleam in her visible eye. Her stance is combative, but too aggressive for an easy defense. Is she planning to preempt him? How much pain is Kyo willing to endure?

The left hook comes. Miss X -- throws herself into it?!

The mysterious woman stumbles backward, fire washing over her body. Kyo has his combo lined up: her guard is too rocked to defend against the backhand. He twists in a full-body execution of his explosive uppercut, knocking Miss X high into the air, her body limp.


Miss X spins at the apex of her flight, turning to fall. Her eye gleams with predatory glee. Kyo, now that he's not in the middle of a suspiciously easy assault, may suddenly realize that the stage's amps have bizarrely moved while he wasn't looking. They surround him. They thrum with terrible readiness.

"You make me feel SO! GOOD!"

Miss X lands atop a tall amp, guitar at the ready. Pieces of her still-burning school uniform continue to fall away. Her surgical mask slips, revealing shockingly red lipstick on a mouth twisted with hard-breathing ecstasy.

Cute little caution signs begin to pop up all around Kyo. Are these holograms?! If he's smart, he may notice they seem to denote flight patterns.

"I'm... I'm...!"

Her hand descends, fingers curled inward. Her strum across the strings brings a beautifully discordant eruption of sound that demands every present amp sing with her instrument's voice. They try to keep up with the sheer power of it, but begin to rapidly explode at the strain -- each bursting into white light that sends floods of pink hearts converging on Kyo's location.

They do not feel good.

COMBATSYS: Kyo blocks I-No's Megalomania+.

[          \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Kyo              0/-------/--=====|>>>>---\-------\0             I-No

"What -is- this?" Kyo asks, taking in his surroundings, and just... the sheer insanity of her fighting style.

He can't take this head on, but there's no way he can block these explosions with his -arms-. So he crosses his arms again, but this time he unleashes a burst of fire from his entire body, trying to counter the force of her explosive heart attack.

While he manages to dull the assault, he still gets bombarded until he falls to one knee, breathing heavily. "I've never met anyone who fought like this... I admit, I'm pretty impressed..."

Slowly standing to his feet again. "But you're still not on my level!"

Without any particular warning, in a sudden burst of speed, he closes the gap between them almost immediately, spinning into the air -again- for another flaming backhanded uppercut, this time putting all of his momentum, strength, and technique into this one finely honed attack.

COMBATSYS: Kyo successfully hits I-No with 100 Shiki - Oniyaki.
- Power hit! -

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Kyo              0/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\-------\1             I-No

The amp beneath Miss X collapses, sending her sliding down its debris onto the stage. The mysterious woman sags underneath some kind of release, though her sigh can only been seen and not heard due to the cheering of the crowd and the... well, explosions. Lots of explosions.

"You keep saying the same shit," she says, dully. Her visible eye is half-lidded. "Get some new dialogue so you're not just a swinging dick."

As Kyo renews his blazing-fast onslaught, Miss X once more brings her guitar up to fend him off. Her first parry with it is still met with enough force by Kyo's explosion to send her up in the air -- perhaps a credit to the attack's drilled perfection -- and the sheer power of it makes her ill-prepared to eat the second flaming backhand that spikes her back toward the ground.


Miss X lands, hard, tumbling backward and barely managing to land in a crouch. "The fuck do I keep missing those?!"

Miss X, in a switch from her previous gameplan, suddenly kicks off the ground and comes lunging at Kyo over a distance that could not be crossed without some kind of mystical flight. She spins aggressively, playing a staggering sequence of notes that summons up more of that creepy green chi. It whirls around her like a tornado, one that will swiftly overtake Kyo, swallow him up, and spit him out if he's not careful.

COMBATSYS: Kyo endures I-No's Ultimate Fortissimo.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////                   ]
Kyo              1/----===/=======|=====--\-------\0             I-No

Kyo's process of endurance is to try to stop her. He throws kicks, punches, and just finds it all deflected by her momentum, until he just gets bombarded and tossed across the stage, sliding on his back, shirt entirely ripped off, gloves torn apart.

His chest is bloody, and as he lays on his back, it's clear that he's gone through the ringer.

It takes him a bit to finally get it together, slowly pulling himself up to his feet. "What do you want me to say? That you're amazing? You are. You want me to tell you that you have my respect as a fighter, or some nonsense about using your power for some greater good, or the honor of my family? Hah! Screw that crap, the only thing that matters is action."

Suddenly his body is on fire. She may have seen powerful auras in the past, but his aura is -literally- flames, which go from orange to blue as the space behind him seems to temporarily swirl as a ridiculous energy charges from his body. "Sorry to disappoint you, BUT ALL I AM IS A PILLAR OF NON-STOP BIG DICK ENERGY!!!"

He swings his hand just like his attack from earlier, when that little flame came out. But this time -massive- pillars of fire start to explode from the ground, doing real damage to the stage, causing the ground to quake as it rapidly approaches I-No's body.

COMBATSYS: Kyo successfully hits I-No with #Ura 121 Shiki - Amano Murakumo#.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //                            ]
Kyo              0/-------/-------|>>>>>>>\>>>----\1             I-No

Miss X reaches up to pull the rest of the surgical mask from her face. She's got a beauty mark near her mouth that is definitely not an Iori cosplay thing. She spreads her stance to keep herself upright.

"Disappoint me?" she says, the breathy quality of her voice beginning to grow intense enough that she's sounding unhinged. "Not at all! I mean, your personality sucks, but some people really are destined to be walking cocks!"

The stage begins to disintegrate, piles of amp debris tidied up in a moment by real-ass fire. Unfortunately for the next act, the stage is getting tidied up too. Emergency services in the audience are already out in full force, engaging secret contingency plan: jesus christ do fire extinguishers work on chi. The crowd simultaneously pushes forward and backward as some people press to get a better view and others try to back off from the intense heat.

Miss X straightens up, the updraft from the heat buoying the red hair from her face. Her eyes are bright with the reflection of fire, the irises bizarrely split between shades of orange, purple, and green.

"Give it to me, old man! SHOW ME YOU'RE WORTHY TO RIDE!"

The explosions close in on her. Miss X is laughing hysterically even as the flames eclipse her body. Her mania-stricken voice is swallowed by the roar of flames and screams of the crowd --

And, when it all fades away, she is nowhere to be seen.

Later, the SNF commission makes an apology to Kyo for their error. Whoever this woman was, she somehow produced credentials that convinced some administrator that she was Iori Yagami. The people at fault are already being investigated for possible collusion in this ridiculously obvious mistake.

And yet...

COMBATSYS: I-No takes no action.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  <
Kyo              0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: I-No can no longer fight.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  <
Kyo              0/-------/-------|

Log created on 18:42:09 11/09/2018 by I-No, and last modified on 14:41:31 11/11/2018.