Description: Old money versus born on the streets. England versus America. Sea versus land. Man versus... uh. Anyway, Preston and Poison come from very different worlds. And so SNF has pitted them against one another in an area as in between as possible. Luxury surroundings, but priced for the average vacation-goer, at sea but on a ship so huge that you might not even notice it, and about halfway across the Atlantic. (Winner: Preston)
There's a cruise ship on the ocean, they've set it all up and it's all fancy and it's all there and there are old people and young people and rich people and old people and did we mention the old people?
"Oh god, you're so wrinkly," Preston Alistair Wellington the II gingerly makes his way through the crowd, towards the area they've set up for the belated, due to this being on a cruise ship and thus International Waters Time (IWT, may be made up), Saturday Night Fight. It's half interior, half exterior, set where the casino opens out onto the pool deck. There are cabana boys, and then there are cabana old people.
"Oh god, you're wearing a speedo, that's so fuckin' gross," he raises his hands above his head, oar held high, as he makes his way through the sea of wrinkly flesh and into the roped off area, ready for the fight!
"Oh god, I think they touched my short-shorts, ughhh stage manager dude, get me some soda water and some bleach..."
Poison, meanwhile, is enjoying the attention of the cabana boys. The handcuffs hooked to her cutoffs have been replaced with festive leis. Her bullwhip has been left behind -- not ashore or anything, but dangling from two placeholders because it was being used as a limbo bar earlier. She has made other important changes: instead of a tank top, a bikini top (with a pair of confederate flags within each triangle because what does she care, she's Japanese), and instead of a Nazi officer's hat, a jaunty sailor chapeau, round and adorable, like Sie Kensou's ass.
"Fffiiinal-leee," Poison moans, as if Preston had kept her waiting forever. Various corrections officers are in the crowd, watching with stun guns to make sure she doesn't make a break or swim for freedom. Mostly she's just been making Filipino boys make her drinks. It's a tough life, being a pro-fighting jailbird. "So, you're... the guy, or... something. Wait, I'm sorry, I had... I had like a couple long islands... oogh."
A cabana boy states, "Madame had ten. Ten long island iced teas."
"Yeah, whatever, charge it to... to... I don't know, the Southtown Corrections Department," Poison groans, rubbing her head, bleary-eyed and possibly too drunk to fight.
Faced with this rather delightfully dressed woman, Preston finds himself wearing that 'I'm interested but trying not to' look that guys tend to have. His eyes wander. It can't be helped. He doesn't know any better, and he's young, and--"Wait, she's drunk?" It's directed at the Cabana Boy. He waits for confirmation, before a rather devious young grin appears on his face.
"Hey, forget the soda water, let's get this fight started," he signals to the ref, and like an old school wrestler, aims to get the jump on the opponent! As he signals, he steps forward, closing the gap with that grin still on his face.
"Hey, luv, how many fingers am I holdin' up?" He wants to confuse the potentially drunk woman, because he's not holding any. His oar is extending, however.
In this case, he aims to start things off with his signature 'poke the woman in the tit with an oar' routine, which is always a classic for the highlight reel! Although in this case, he aims to jiggle those confederate flags about a bit with a wobble-thrust from under up high!
COMBATSYS: Preston has started a fight here.
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Preston 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Poison has joined the fight here.
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Preston 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Poison
COMBATSYS: Poison endures Preston's Weapon Jab!
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Preston 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Poison
Poison walks right into having her titty slapped, like Lil Kim when she stood too close to Diana Ross that one time. She literally walks into it -- she's walking forward and then bam, right in the nipple. "OW!" Poison cries, stumbling backwards and smacking into a table containing a pyramid of filled champagne glasses -- all of which teeter, threaten to topple, and then topple. They land on the ground without breaking. The table then catches fire, and explodes.
"JESUS CHRIST!" Poison screams, even though she does not believe in him. "What the shit -- how did you do that?!" she yells at Preston, when really it's just that this cruise ship, like all cruise ships, is haunted.
"Well -- it's time to show you how I -- do -- things!" Poison makes a face, clearly having not thought that one out, before adding a "Faggot!" at the end to make it more conclusive. Then she tries to punch Preston in the crotch.
COMBATSYS: Preston just-defends Poison's Power Strike!
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Preston 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Poison
If there's one thing they teach you in Britain, it's how to take advantage of a drunken woman. Thoroughly amused after delivering the slap, Preston is left aghast as she staggers back into all of that delicious french wine. "Hey--what the fuck," he ends up boggling at the sight of the fire. He blinks not once, not twice, but thrice, attention drawn back to Poison just in time for him to see that fist careening for his johnson.
"Babe wait, babe no!" he cries out, flexing at just the right moment for the fist to somehow ricochet off what lies beneath his short-shorts. End result: Preston grinning.
"That's how it's fuckin' done," he nods firmly, and then seeks out Poison's neck so he may pick her up and into the air -- and then send a furious splash of blue-white chi cascading for her chest like the young pervert he is!
COMBATSYS: Poison endures Preston's Cape Horn Fever.
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Preston 0/-------/-----==|=======\-------\0 Poison
"OW! OW YOU BITCH YOU BIIITCH" Poison gargles as she's choked and titty-zapped. She kicks her long, long legs in futile agony as Preston blasts her right in the boobs (again), and hits the floor clutching at her chest in deliciously erotic agony. "You... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... something... something with your... I'll push you off the... that building with the... the guys, they..."
Poison rolls onto her side and throws up.
Strangely refreshed by this, as drunk people often are when they vomit, Poison pushes herself up to her feet, re-situates her sailor cap, and wipes her mouth on an expensive parchment being used as a wager in a nearby card game (thus rendering the item worthless). "Okay, you want to do it like that, white boy?" Poison growls. "IT'S ON!"
Poison charges forward, seeking to grab Preston by the ear and slam his face into a shirtless, sunburned old person's tummy. They are also fat. And kind of peely.
COMBATSYS: Preston blocks Poison's Faceplanter.
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Preston 0/-------/----===|=======\-------\0 Poison
It's with an expression much like the following that Preston watches the woman roll over and vomit.
Preston :O
"Wow, that's a lot of fuckin' drinks," he comments, taking an awkward step or two back from the growing puddle, since he's barefoot and all. Shaking his head, he's about to strike the woman again when she gets up, makes that declaration -- and sends him head-first towards a fat person's wrinkly belly.
"oh god, your stomach is so wrinkled"
It's a quite declaration, quiet because at the time, Preston's face is partially muffled by old stomach pouch. His hands successfully braced the fall through, resulting in just damage to his lungs as old lint from the man's belly button enters his digestive system.
Ripping his face away with a loud suction cap-like POP!, the burly Brit is both red-faced and angry. "Oh you fuckin' bitch, that was so fuckin' nasty, I'm gonna make you fuckin' pay for that!" And without further adieu, he winds that oar of his up -- and sends it flying, swinging to catch Poison and send her flying for the bleachers! Or just the nearby railing!
COMBATSYS: Poison interrupts Armed Combo from Preston with Knife Throw.
- Power hit! -
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Preston 0/-------/---====|=======\==-----\1 Poison
Poison is swung to the railing, and she topples over it. On the way down, she grabs a fire hose or something, and ends up basically accidentally-rappelling down the hull of the ship, until there's a distant 'splash,' and then nothing.
Then, a few moments pass.
And footsteps, up the side of the ship. "Holy hell, she's climbing back up!" one of the cruise patrons says, causing the cops present to curse. And then Poison, angry and wild-eyed and without a hat, soaking wet, drags herself up and says this:
"FUCK YOU"
Before throwing an entire live marlin at Preston, sinking it like a lawn dart.
Which is not technically an interrupt, but still.
It takes a little while, but before Preston knows it, he's been impaled by a fish from the sea. "Ahh fuck me, I didn't order dinner," he grouses as only he can, with that people's British accent of his. Letting the fish remain where it is, stuck inside of him like some kind of perverted aquarium, he stomps forward towards the bikini-clad Poison.
"You think this is some kind of fuckin' game, don't you luv? Rather be out here swimmin' up to your eyeballs in liquor, and down to your lips in the short and curly hairs, right? Christ, what a sorry bitch you are."
He attacks with words, but then he attacks with other things, like physical punishment. That comes as he sends the oar thundering forward, letting it slide through his grip as he sends the flat expanse of the blade's bottom towards Poison's nose. He'll make her see red! One way or another!
COMBATSYS: Poison endures Preston's Crushing Strike.
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Preston 0/-------/---====|=======\======-\1 Poison
The flat expanse of the blade's bottom towards the /fuck/ out of Poison's nose. Poison topples backwards, not even moving to defend herself once more -- maybe her reaction times are dulled by drink, or maybe she's so drunk that she can endure any physical pain, including a bearhug from Hulk Hogan in-character as Thunderlips.
Blood leaks from an otherwise perfect rhinoplasty. "Oh, you little... Elton John-sounding princess, I'm gonna..." Poison grabs a life preserver, and throws it at Preston. The life preserver has a bomb on it, though, because it turns out Willem Dafoe targeted this boat for a terrorist assault.
So it explodes, which can't be good, either way.
COMBATSYS: Poison successfully hits Preston with Huge Thrown Object.
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Preston 0/-------/-======|=======\=======\1 Poison
Now that's not what he expected when he signed on for a three-hour tour! The circle of life ends for Preston as it loops around his neck. He does the sensible thing at this point, leaping dramatically to one side -- only to be swallowed by the sudden explosion from the very thing around his neck! The smoke clears after the gasps from the crowd, and it seems that Preston has been blown to smithereens!
Not so, as a 'ahhhhhhhhhhhh make way for Presty!' sounds from the air. He lands solidly on the back of the cruise liner's superintendent, a man by the name of Chalmers.
Standing up, the burly Brit frowns down at the fallen man. "I said, make way for Presty! People just don't fuckin' listen anymore," he grumbles, wiping the soot from his face. It's a good thing he's a world warrior, able to withstand such simple things as 'high-grade explosives'!
Turning his attention back to Poison, he frowns. "I think I want to show you a reverse bag-piping, I bet you know what that is, you stinky whore," and with a running charge, he aims to busy Poison's head in his armpit. This is coupled by a rather large swing of his forearm, aimed to send Poison flying.
COMBATSYS: Poison endures Preston's Running Rigging.
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Preston 1/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
Poison is caught up, and then Preston's forearm swings, and Poison is sent flying, right into the back of someone shooting crap. He involuntarily throws the dice, and they land on -- "Seven, a winner!" the dealer calls.
Everyone cheers Poison, and someone pours champagne into her mouth to celebrate. Her blue eyes snap open, and as she flexes, her breast implants momentarily slide out of blade, down to her forearms, causing them to bulge out while the Popeye theme plays. Then they swoop back into place, and the DJ sets the correct song in place after accidentally slipping in Popeye, and someone who just watched what Poison's tits did vomits and claws at their eyes.
Poison stomps forward.
"I"
"AM"
"NOT"
"STINKY!"
Poison then breaks off an inanimate carbon rod from a nearby display of them and attempts to beat Preston literally to death.
COMBATSYS: Preston blocks Poison's Absolute Beatdown.
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Preston 1/------=/=======|=======\-------\1 Poison
"The rod, the rod!" Preston cries out in the mild discomfort that follows, for while Poison does land a few hits, he's fending her off by being a giant young man made of equally giant muscles. He successfully uses his forearms to weather the storm, which is thankfully not a perfect storm. They are, however, still on a boat.
"Think I've had just about enough of you!" he declares, and with a heavy snort, attempts to do what most people wish they could do, only to much later realize they should never have done that. Although a few still like it.
He plummets his forehead down, driving his forehead towards Poison's chest and collar bone. Should that prove successful, he follows it up with a tremendous uppercut, massive bicep swinging through to catch the woman's chin -- and send her flying!
COMBATSYS: Preston successfully hits Poison with Bull of Barney.
- Power hit! -
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Preston 0/-------/------=|=======\======-\1 Poison
Poison is sent flying, overboard, toward the ocean.
"Look!" someone calls. "A friendly killer whale, like Free Willy, is there to save her!"
The whale jumps out of the water, opens its mouth, and swallows Poison whole.
Will she escape?!
COMBATSYS: Poison takes no action.
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Preston 0/-------/------=|=======\======-\1 Poison
COMBATSYS: Poison has reached second wind!
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Preston 0/-------/------=|=======\======-\1 Poison
Yes, because suddenly she explodes out of its blowhole in rage. "GRAAAAAHHHHH!" she screams, swimming back to the boat.
And Preston is left there, with much the same expression as before.
Preston :O
And when Poison manages to escape? Preston :O all over again, watching as the woman swims back to the boat. He waits for her to get back on board, just so he can hit her again, after he finds out a very important fact. "Uuuuh... are you alright? You look like you're covered in whale jelly."
COMBATSYS: Preston takes no action.
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Preston 0/-------/------=|=======\======-\1 Poison
Poison slowly climbs back up the boat, hops over the rail, and marches--
--straight toward a person with a t-shirt with a whale on it. She punches them the fuck out. Then, Preston gets his: "It's AMBERGRIS, you bitch! They make PERFUME from this shit -- I'm gonna make a FORTUNE! And I'm also gonna... make... you... dead... dammit! DAMMIT!"
Angrily, Poison attempts to seize Preston, lift him overhead with her slimy whale-jelly-covered fingers, and slam him down into her knee, intending to destroy his spine.
COMBATSYS: Preston endures Poison's Backbreaker.
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Preston 0/-------/---====|==-----\-------\0 Poison
Somehow, Poison shows that she's stronger than the average bear-girl by lifting the burly Brit up, bringing him down. But the man twists in her slippery grasp, coming down onto his abdominals instead. "Ha-ha!" he taunts, only he's in an absolute amount of pain right now.
Instead, he croaks out a 'hughhghh ugh' which is pain-speak for 'ha-ha!'
But thankfully his abs are impressive, which means that they're strong enough that he's not completely broken in half thanks to the attack. Sliding off the knee, he remains there in front of Poison. And then his lips twitch. "Heh."
From beneath the girl, a massive column of chi erupts, blue-white and wet as hell. He rises up into an uppercut at the same time, aiming to volley Poison up so he can punch her square where the sun don't shine -- and send her flying off the boat for the last time!
COMBATSYS: Poison endures Preston's Azimuth Circle.
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Preston 0/-------/------=|=======\-------\1 Poison
Poison is blasted off again, like Team Rocket, which is Mad Gear's secret real name. She sails toward the water again.
"Oh, look! A school of friendly dolphins! They'll save her!" someone shouts.
COMBATSYS: Poison takes no action.
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Preston 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Poison can no longer fight.
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Preston 0/-------/------=|
"Oh, no!" the guy shouts. "The dolphins are all just... beating her mercilessly with their bottle noses!"
Preston :O
COMBATSYS: Preston has ended the fight here.
Log created on 23:16:13 10/18/2010 by Poison, and last modified on 15:50:23 10/21/2010.