Description: Hayato and Poison duke it out in the Mushroom Kingdom. Heads are stomped, blocks are broken, power ups are gained and lost. But will Hayato be able to rescue the princess!? Wait... what princess? (Winner: Hayato)
Everything is dark. And cramped. And Hayato's nose kind of itches. Where the heck is he?
Bwumpbwumpbwump.
And then Hayato is in the sunlight. But everything is strange. For some reason he's standing on top of a huge green pipe. And there's brick blocks just floating in the air all over the place. He scratches at his cheek and notices that he has somehow grown a huge black mustache. And has a big red hat on his head with an H on the front for some reason. At least it matches the color of his track suit.
The teacher leaps off the pipe to the ground below, only to land heavily on something soft and squishy. He lifts up his foot and sees some brown thing squished underneath him. He steps off and it twitches slightly, then shuffles off. "Okay, now what the hell is going on here?"
"HAHAHAHAHA YES NOW EAT THE FUCKING TURTLE THAT'S AWESOME"
Poison is already in this magical place. She is wearing green overalls, the legs cut off to reveal an obscene amount of leg, and her usual SS officer's cap in green. And little else, really. Riding atop a round, bouncy green lizard, she is cackling like a demon as it opens wide, gloops its tongue out, and swallows everything in sight.
Then the lizard burps up a fireball, and Poison lets out a joyous whoop. "This /RULES/!" she squeals, "How come Geese never gave me one of /YOU/ before?!"
Bounding along on her lizard steed, Poison lifts a flattened hand to her brow, spying the red-suited P.E. teacher in the distance. "I wonder what would happen if you ate a /person/... c'mon, girl, let's find out!"
When someone comes charging toward you on a weird dinosaur thing, it's probably not going to be for something good. Not even if they appear to be a scantily clad woman. Though that does provide a few points in their favor, so maybe Hayato should wait a few moments to see what's up. He starts to walk toward Poison, intent on getting within hailing range. Unfortunately, he's not really looking where he's going, and his foot connects with a large green turtle shell just sitting there on the ground.
In defiance of physics the shell zooms off, racing over the ground toward Poison and her lizard. A few of those weird brown things happen to be in the way and get bowled aside as the shell smashes right on through them without even slowing down.
COMBATSYS: Hayato has joined the fight here.
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Hayato 0/-------/-------|=======\=------\1 Mukuro
COMBATSYS: Poison has joined the fight here.
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Hayato 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Poison
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Mukuro 1/------=/=======|
COMBATSYS: Hayato successfully hits Poison with Large Thrown Object.
- CRAZY Hit! -
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Hayato 0/-------/-------|====---\-------\0 Poison
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Mukuro 1/------=/=======|
The turtle shell goes up, and up, and forward, and faster --
-- and then it smashes Poison right in the face, causing her to sprawl in a jointless mess on the ground while her lizard just keeps running forward, eventually over the horizon and vanishing. Poison blinks a couple times, little winged goombahs flapping around her head -- although that may just be a hallucination.
Poison gets up, slowly, and rubs her face. "Ow," she groans, before coming to her senses and screaming, "HEY!"
"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!"
Grabbing a floating block out of the air and breaking it free from the end of a bar of them, Poison leaps into the air, seeking to close the distance between herself and Hayato and bring it down on the teacher's head.
Except that when she leaps, it takes her in a slow and lazy arc, her legs kind of wiggling or pedaling or something the whole time.
COMBATSYS: Hayato counters Random Weapon from Poison with Counter Thrust.
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Hayato 0/-------/-----==|=======\-------\1 Poison
Well, it looks like things got off to the wrong foot. Hayato is not really keen on the idea of having his skull bashed in with a big brick block. "Uh, well, I didn't really mean to-" And then Poison is leaping toward him with the bricks held high. Well, that's going to suck unless Hayato does something. Well, better to hit the bricks than to get hit by them, right? Hayato leaps to meet the descending poison, taking a stance with his right fist held out in front of him and over his head.
And when Hayato's fist meets the block it drives right through it, sending fragments of brick flying all over the place, before continuing onward and upward into Poison's jaw.
Poison is duly smashed, as if she were a brick. Well, if Hayato had a chance to explain that he didn't mean it before, he sure has less of one now. And considering that this is Poison, he had zero chance of explaining it to start with, so now we're well into negative numbers, and possibly quantum physics.
Speaking of physics, Poison launches into the air, her head cracking off of another brick, causing a red flower to rise from the top of it. The pink-haired plumberette is dazed for a moment, hopping atop of the brick to shout something rude from a better shouting vantage point, when she touches the flower, and--
VRT VRT VRT
Suddenly, Poison's green outfit is red. "What the--" Unfortunately, with every syllable she says, a ball of weirdly bouncing fire flies from her mouth, ricocheting down toward the ground.
"--ohhhhhh," Poison says, jumping down to direct her fiery hate-speech at Hayato: "YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW!" And lo, did Hayato possibly get... flamed.
COMBATSYS: Hayato dodges Poison's Thrown Object.
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Hayato 0/-------/-----==|=======\-------\1 Poison
With a series of leaps and bounds Hayato jumps over the fireballs that come bouncing toward him. The same can not be said for the goombas that are just starting to get back to their feet. They burst into flames and start running around. However, Poison is still shooting fireballs, making it rather difficult to approach her and get this all settled. He runs around for a bit, continuing to dodge fireballs, until he manages to bump his head on a block. A leaf pops up and falls on him... causing him to sprout a raccoon tail and ears. Oh god. He's a furry!
Hayato quickly starts running again as more fireballs come... and then finds himself running right off the ground. With a grin he turns back toward Poison, flying up into the air over her, then dropping toward her feet first.
COMBATSYS: Hayato successfully hits Poison with Strong Kick.
? Strange Hit! ?
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Hayato 0/-------/----===|=======\====---\1 Poison
Poison is suitably horrified by solving the mystery of WHO IS THE COON that Hayato is able to curbstomp her without even needing an actual curb. Poison, unfortunately, was standing right on top of a big golden pipe at the time. Down they go-- CHIM CHIM CHIM CHIM
And suddenly, the beautiful landscape above is gone, replaced by the depths of below. Claustrophobically geometric walls and ceilings mark tight passage. Worst of all, though, is that in smashing her so hard, Poison's body flickers. She's no longer red and spitting fire. She's no longer even, well, fully grown.
Because somehow, stomping Poison's head has turned her into a dwarf.
"Wh-- What-- NO!" Poison screams. "ARRRRGHGHHH WHAT DID YOU /DO/?!" Too horrified to think, too horrified to act, she dashes forward and takes a swing.
Unfortunately, she is arm-level with Hayato's crotch.
COMBATSYS: Poison successfully hits Hayato with I Learned This in Prison.
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Hayato 0/-------/--=====|=======\======-\1 Poison
Suddenly, Hayato finds himself coming out of a pipe into an underground cavern... but he doesn't remember ever entering a pipe. "Wait, what?" But he doesn't have time to dwell on it for long, as Poison comes along and punches him right in the junk. He doubles over, making a few gasping noises as he falls to his knees... then shrinks. "Augh, what's happening?!"
And now, midget fights! The tiny Hayato takes a swing at Poison, then realizes his reach is a lot shorter than it used to be. So he takes a few steps closer and then throws another swing that's actually close enough to hit.
COMBATSYS: Hayato successfully hits Poison with Power Strike.
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Hayato 0/-------/-======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
"OW!" Poison shrieks, her voice much squeakier and a lot more hilarious now that she's all little. The punch is enough to send the tiny tranny into the air (complete with a VWOOP sound effect because that's just how these things work).
Again, Poison hits a block carefully placed so that it's impossible to jump /without/ banging one's head. A gold coin drifts out of it, lazily spinning until it drops into the vixen's hands.
"Ah-ha!" Poison says, as if she'd just scored a great idea.
Of course, this is Poison.
"I'LL COIN YOU /GOOD/!" she cries, hurling it like a frisbee at Hayato's face.
COMBATSYS: Poison successfully hits Hayato with Thrown Object.
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Hayato 0/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
The coin smacks Hayato in the face, sending him staggering backwards, then vanishes with a chime. "Augh! Oh yeah, well..." Hayato looks around frantically, trying to find something to retaliate with. Then he sees what appears to be a large, walking cartoon bomb. He picks it up and the stubby little legs keep kicking... and the fuse suddenly sparks aflame. "Hmm..." Hayato glances at Poison then grins.
Rearing back, Hayato hefts the bomb, then takes a quick step toward Poison and hurls it toward her. As it flies it flashes red, and the flashing starts to happen faster and faster.
COMBATSYS: Hayato successfully hits Poison with Large Thrown Object.
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Hayato 1/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
Poison catches the bomb. She's about to say something snarky, but the words die before escaping her lips as she looks down and, with an unsubtle widening of her eyes, realizes what it is she's holding. And oh god it's flashing so fast
Poison looks around, running this way and that with the bomb above her head. Unfortunately, they're in a tunnel beneath a 16-bit super /world/ of some sort, and there is absolutely nowhere to throw it that is not 'right next to her anyway.'
Some days...
...you just can't get rid of a bomb.
Which is why Poison promptly explodes, launching into the air with this agog open-mouthed expression, clutching her rear as if she'd sat on a tack. She sails upward, ignoring all obstacles, and then /downward/, down, through the floor, well past where anyone can see.
COMBATSYS: Poison takes no action.
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Hayato 1/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
COMBATSYS: Poison keeps on fighting!
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Hayato 1/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
COMBATSYS: Poison has reached second wind!
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Hayato 1/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
Luckily, there was not a X 0 next to the little Poison head in the top of the screen.
Hayato watches Poison fall through the floor and scratches his chin. "Well, uh..." He looks around for a few moments. And then suddenly midget Poison is there again. So it looks like everything is okay! Except, unfortunately, Poison is standing next to a horizontal pipe... and suddenly a piranha plant pops out and attempts to take a big bite out of her. How is this Hayato making an attack against Poison? Who cares, we need some piranha plant attacks, damn it!
COMBATSYS: Poison dodges Hayato's Crushing Strike.
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Hayato 0/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Poison
"JESUS CHRIST!" Poison squawks as the piranha plant emerges. Luckily, her image is still /flickering/ with /newness/, which makes her for all intents and purposes invulnerable. In that moment, she's able to jump up onto an array of blocks to get clear. A solitary one hovers above her, though.
Bright yellow, with a big exclamation mark on it. "Hm!" thinks Poison, and decides to go for it.
Unfortunately, her plan of 'grab the block, break it in half, and then start beating Hayato to death with the pieces' doesn't quite work -- she overshoots the jump, and smacks head first into the block, which turns red.
And that's when a giant bullet making an adorable angry face launches at Hayato. Oops!
COMBATSYS: Hayato fails to interrupt Absolute Beatdown from Poison with Devastation Kick.
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Hayato 1/----===/=======|=======\-------\1 Poison
Hayato jumps right toward the bullet, leg extended to just try to kick through it. This is not a good idea. But when it hits Hayato, instead of turning him into a bloody smear or blowing him up, he just jumps into the air and then vanishes through the floor like Poison did. And it appears the gym teacher still has a few extra lives, himself, because a few moments later he blinks back into being. Unfortunately, the screen then scrolls over a bit, immediately dumping Hayato into a pit.
After a few more moments he reappears once again, this time standing on solid ground. He kicks a nearby turtle shell, but it doesn't make it to Poison, instead hitting a block on the ground and bouncing back toward Hayato. He manages to leap over it, but he's more interested now in the mushroom that appears. What will /that/ do? But it's mid-way between Hayato and Poison...
Poison sees the mushroom too. A thought balloon would well appear above her head:
In it, there's a little cartoon Poison. Then a plus sign. Then that red flower from before. Then an equal sign. Then a little cartoon Poison spitting fire, with Dan Forden popping up in the corner.
Erase all that. Cartoon Poison appears again. Plus sign. That mushroom. Equal sign. A question mark. No, erase the question mark. If flowers produce fire, then mushrooms... Now appears the cartoon image of Poison, shooting lightning from her fingertips and frying a cartoon Hayato, while a cartoon Geese hunches behind her, muttering, 'Good... Good.'
"BACK OFF ASSHOLE THOSE AWESOME LIGHTNING POWERS ARE MINE!" Poison screams, attempting to scramble and dive for the mushroom, but either way putting herself directly on a headfirst collision course with Hayato!
COMBATSYS: Hayato dodges Poison's Headbutt.
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Hayato 1/-------/=======|======-\-------\0 Poison
They're both racing for the mushroom... but Hayato reaches it first. And suddenly his body begins to grow, until he's back to his normal size, while Poison is still a midget. At that point, a hand placed firmly on the top of her head is enough to bring her to a sudden stop. And then Hayato grins. He tightens his grip, attempting to lift Poison up off the ground, then toss her into the air. He's got a brilliant idea!
With Poison airborne, Hayato brings out his shinai and glances up at her. Time for... the spin jump! He leaps into the air, twirling around at a dizzying speed with his shinai held out like a propeller. A propeller blazing with orange chi, and that is about to rise right into Poison as she begins her descent.
COMBATSYS: Hayato successfully hits Poison with Burning Windmill.
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Hayato 0/-------/-------|=======\======-\1 Poison
Poison makes a face. She's about to make another smart comment (as if any of her comments thus far have displayed use of a working brain at all) when suddenly, the spin jump, the bane of every PE student's existence, the reminder to Poison of why she stopped going to school in the first place -- well, that and the whole 'couldn't wear a dress to school' thing.
And then -- WHAMMO.
Poison is sent flying through row after row of blocks, causing them to crumble in her wake. She sails up, up, up, and off, off, off, until she lands between two goal posts, striking a bar that hovers up and down between them.
Poison bounces off to god knows where, while confetti showers Hayato, and a triumphant 16-bit trumpet fanfare plays.
COMBATSYS: Poison takes no action.
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Hayato 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Poison can no longer fight.
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Hayato 0/-------/-------|
Hayato grins to himself, flashing a V with his fingers toward the... camera? Wait, where did that come from? Well, nevermind. Humming to himself he begins to stroll off screen to the right. Unfortunately he finds he can't stop himself as he notices a pit in front of him. "Hey, wait, nooooooooooo---" And then some sad music plays.
COMBATSYS: Hayato has ended the fight here.
Log created on 18:28:01 05/16/2010 by Hayato, and last modified on 15:40:32 05/17/2010.