Description: There is no hope for mankind. (Double KO)
The gavel hammers down.
"Order in the court!" cries the judge. "Now, air your grievances."
Wing, dressed inexplicably like Maya Fey from Phoenix Wright -- the spitting image, in fact, now with bangs and all -- just shakes her head, blinking confusedly.
"Grievances?" she repeats. "I don't have any. What is this, anyway?"
The judge glowers down at her.
"This is a court of law. This...
...is...
...JUSTICE!"
There is a long silence.
Then Wing raises her hands in appeal.
"But... what have I ever done?"
She turns to the faceless jury.
"What have I ever down to anger anyone?"
"THIS IS BULLSHIT!"
Dr. Richard 'This Is The Only Nickname He'll Have In This Scene' Tran flying jumpkicks out of the judge's forehead which is suddenly made out of stained glass, instead of the perfectly serviceable normal sized stained glass window that is mandatory in every single fantasy courtroom scene.
The judge seems mildly perturbed by this turn of events, as evidenced by his wide 'o' face.
"I..." Tran points furiously at the jury, then at Wing, then back at the jury, then at a mildly entertaining Old Spice commercial, then back at Wing. "I don't even know who this is! Who are you! Shut up I don't care why am I in a suit, WHY AM I IN A SUIT."
He is not in a neat blue pinstripe suit, or any other suit variant.
"And how did I get over here? I was just standing over by those mannequins! And...and..."
"OBJECTION!"
COMBATSYS: Tran has started a fight here.
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Wing has joined the fight here.
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Tran 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Wing
"Aaaaaaaaaa--"
Wing is screaming, eyes wide.
"--aaaaaaaaa--"
She doesn't stop screaming, even as Tran begins speaking.
In fact, her mouth just continues to project what is basically a wall of sound, preventing her from hearing anything that he is saying. Her eyes grow vacant, and it seems clear that at some point she's zoned out and maybe doesn't even know she's screaming anymore.
So potent is this constant stream of sound that finally the remainder of the stained glass window shatters into dust, including the shards upon the ground, and the judge's beard catches fire.
The only question is, will Tran also catch fire too?
Actually, that's probably not the only question.
COMBATSYS: Tran reflects Dragonforce from Wing with Operation - Dr. Tran.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/-------|===----\-------\0 Wing
Dr. Tran does not catch on fire for so many reasons. There are so many that they are literally infinite, it is actually impossible in this universe for Dr. Tran to catch on fire in any way, shape, or form, even if he's a secret unlockable character in NBA Jam. It is his gift and his curse.
Also he's also screaming because Wing is screaming and it's even more upsetting than everything else that's happening and he swears he sees a ghost in her mouth and that's scary.
Then the fire catches on fire.
COMBATSYS: Wing blocks Tran's Reflected Dragonforce.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > /////////////////////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/------=|====---\-------\0 Wing
Argh, fire on fire -- Wing's only weakness!
But she covers himself in the remaining fragments of the judge's beard and thereby defends herself from the destructive and metaphysically confusing onslaught. Her scream overcome-- this cannot stand. Suddenly, Wing is paying attention.
"This is all your fault!" she cries. "Whoever you are!"
She launches herself heedlessly at Tran, still swatting away plumes of flame.
"Why am I dressed like this!? Where's my hoodie!?"
And, because she is wearing a crazy spirit medium kimono thing and wacky sandals, promptly trips all over herself and ends up rolling at her opponent, arms and legs akimbo, shrieking all the while.
Never has there been a more devastating assault.
COMBATSYS: Wing successfully hits Tran with Strong Punch.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/----===|====---\-------\0 Wing
"What!?"
Dr. Tran, who has a degree in THE LAW, looks absolutely befuddled. Someone is asking him, HIM, what is happening. Perhaps they do not understand who he is, or what is happening to him.
That would make two of them.
"How should I know, because you got dressed like that? I am not some kind of gay fashion wizard, LIKE THERE'S ANY OTHER KIND." Then Wing tumbles straight /through/ him, revealing the sad truth; THEY ARE BOTH GHOSTS.
Thinking quickly, Dr. Tran realizes that because they are both ghosts, it stands to reason that they can actually touch each other after all. This enables him to loosen his cufflinks, put on his ghost-punching gloves (which make it possible to punch ghosts) and then /punch the shit out of her/.
COMBATSYS: Wing interrupts Medium Punch from Tran with Shaolin Worldwide.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////////////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/=======|=======\-------\1 Wing
You think your ghost-punching gloves are sooooo cool.
Well, Wing may be a ghost, but she still has a few tricks up her ethereal and voluminous sleeves, because she quickly kicks off her ungainly sandals as she rises and puts on her /ghost-kicking shoes/, which look suspiciously like Nike Shocks.
"Gay fashion wizard!?" she cries. "My /father/ was a gay fashion wizard!"
She leaps, kicking Tran's arm so hard it explodes.
"And my mother!"
And his other arm, which also explodes.
"And the family dog!" she howls, face now deep red. "How /dare/ you insult them!?"
"NOW LOOK HERE," states Dr. Tran in his angry adult voice, which is remarkably similar to his 'eating a shoe with his now-double-ghost arms' voice. They are practically identical.
"It's just science that all fashion wizards are gay, and that if you lose a fight to one, you become a fabulous set of drapes!" He pauses, a look of shock and horror on his face, as he looks at Wing with new respect now that Tran knows the /consequences/ of failure.
It's so serious that he actually comes back to life, rising from the grave like Lazarus if Lazarus were short and generically Asian and also the Incredible Hulk if the Incredible Hulk's main superpower were growing his arms back.
"I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN, HOLY SHIT." So instead he tries to choke her to death. To life? Double death? The point is, /choking/.
COMBATSYS: Wing interrupts Medium Throw from Tran with Strong Punch.
- Power hit! -
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////////// ]
Tran 1/----===/=======|=======\=------\1 Wing
Wing punches Tran right in the dick.
/Right/
in
the /dick/.
Boom.
oh my god my dick MY DICK oh my god
it hurts so bad
Dr. Tran's junk is like completely destroyed, oh my god, ffffff, sssssssh, oh god and it just hurts more the more time passes it is like a TIME BOMB of GENITAL APOCALYPSE.
He can't handle this anymore, so instead he does up fair's fair and counter-dick-punches Wing, right in the counter-dick.
...what?
COMBATSYS: Tran successfully hits Wing with Oh Shit It's Dr. Tran.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/------=|=======\=======\1 Wing
AND HE USES HIS MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND
Wing's counter-dick is destroyed.
"Nooooooooooooo!"
Revealing her true form:
Lady Gaga.
"Now that you know my secret," says Lady Gaga, clutching at her previously ambiguous genitals, "and my true identity, I cannot allow you to live. Prepare to be destroyed!"
It appears she was bluffin' with her muffin all along. But what comes next is no bluff: a terrifying Frankensteiner that will bury Tran's face in the black hole that was once her ???, so that as she slams his head into the floor of the courtroom he is simultaneously absorbed entirely into the darkness within her.
Truly a bad romance.
COMBATSYS: Tran blocks Wing's Wing Dynasty.
[ \\\\\\\\ < > ////////// ]
Tran 0/-------/----===|====---\-------\0 Wing
"Oh, oh thank god." It's not /actually/ a small gay fashion wizard who will turn Dr. Tran into home furnishing should she defeat him in honorable combat, it's Lady Gaga, and the only thing that happens if you lose anything to her is the enduring sense of shame that Dr. Tran lives with on a regular basis anyway. Even since they first crossed paths.
THEN
"MY VIRGINITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
NOW
"OH GOD IT'S JUST LIKE BEFORE except it kind of hurts less? Huh." With reality ONCE AGAIN in an EXTREMELY CONFUSING PLACE, Dr. Tran's life has truly left him with lemons. Not that kind, the metaphorical kind. So his only choice is to FIND A NEW GOD. /HIMSELF/.
Then Dr. Tran becomes the big bang, /boom/.
COMBATSYS: Tran successfully hits Wing with -Q- is for Dr. Tran.
[ \\\\\ < > /// ]
Tran 0/-------/----===|=======\-------\1 Wing
It's all over. It's the end.
Is this how a beautiful career must conclude?
No! No!!
Lady Gaga cries out as she is engulfed in the big bang -- and Wing, once again clad as Maya Fey, crumples to her knees, her super transformation mode concluded. Yet underneath her kimono she wears an outrageous sparkling white jumpsuit, and upon her brow rest sunglasses made out of lit cigarettes. She trembles with newfound power.
She has fused.
"Now... face Gay Fashion Wizard Gaga!"
There is no more hope for mankind.
Wing's transforms into a flagrantly flamboyant whirlwind and seeks to sweep Tran up in her clutches, transforming him into fabulous drapes. But her power has spiralled out of control -- and even if she fails to consume him she will continue to expand, sweeping up pieces of the courtroom and spewing out curtains of various delightful varieties.
Is this it, the end of the world?
Or does Wing yet have the strength to contain her own power...?
COMBATSYS: Wing can no longer fight.
[ \\\\\ <
Tran 0/-------/----===|
No, she's done for.
It's all up to Tran now.
Will he save the world, or perish!?
COMBATSYS: Wing successfully hits Tran with Crane Kickin' It Old Skool.
[ <
Tran 0/-------/-======|
Tran is basically fucked.
BAD END
COMBATSYS: Tran takes no action.
COMBATSYS: Tran can no longer fight.
Log created on 23:13:48 05/06/2010 by Wing, and last modified on 15:37:49 05/17/2010.