Description: This might be the most ridiculous fight to occur on the game, ever. OIC Angel and Cody travel through 4 or 5 dimensions to do battle, and wind up in the Developer's Room!!! ONE STAFF MEMBER IS NAKED, BUT WHO
"Ay, dios mio..." Since her upsetting tryst with 'the Germans', Angel has been attempting to figure out where exactly the foreigners had taken her. She's been at it for a good ten minutes, half of which had been her pulling her outfit back on and doing a quick check for any cuts or bruises - as it stands, her legs kind of ache, but that's nothing unusual. Pounding headache, too. Considering the last 5 minutes have been -mobile- minutes, she's just now leaeving the front door of a perfectly normal looking apartment building...
In -space-. On a tiny -island-. In fact, the city block she'd figured she was on extends about as far as a movie set might, and as one would expect with movie sets, the 'magic' ends immediately outside of their borders. It's the lack of dynamic lighting, swelling sound effects, and gratuitous titty-shots that has Angel well and truly confused.
She straightens, immediately - her posture is a little prouder than one might expect, and less lascivious than normal - eyes narrow, and she glances around her foreign surroundings. In the distance (distance??!), Angel spies signs of civilization. These signs weren't there -mere seconds ago-, but Angel's hardly one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially when she's off set and shit is -materializing- out of -nowhere- and the -stage crew- isn't here to tell her where she is.
"Did I actually fuck and get abducted by aliens?!?" Accent is -gone-. Dimly, Angel considers that she might have made a huge mistake last night.
She turns to the gratiutious nothing surrounding her. "Hello??! Jacobini, you ass, where the hell are you?? Where's lighting? Make-up??" Angel's voice pitches, she's getting desperate. Of course, she winds up storming towards that distant, perhaps illusory destination.
"I'm going to kill my agent."
COMBATSYS: Angel has started a fight here.
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Angel 0/-------/-------|
SOME TIME AGO
Cody Travers is standing in the middle of the street\, surrounded by space police. They have laser guns pointed at him.
%b%b%b%b%b%b%b%b"STOP\, CODY TRAVERS!" cries the Space Police Chief. "Your /meteor attack/ has taken /all the meteors from space!/"
%b%b%b%b%b%b%b%bCody recoils\, as if struck. "But... I don't have a /meteor attack!/" Little does Cody know the Space Police are from another dimension\, a dimension where Cody is allowed to have good things.
%b%b%b%b%b%b%b%b"We'll see about /that/ when we take you /space downtown!/" cries the Space Police Chief. "Open fire\, men!"
%b%b%b%b%b%b%b%bThe Space Police open fire\, but Cody's /rippling abs/ and /debilitating drug addiction/ make him immune to lasers. "Hmmm\," Cody says to himself. "There's only one way to fix this... I have to /put more meteors in space!/"
%b%b%b%b%b%b%b%bCody thrusts his right hand straight up into the air\, and cries\, "TO SPACE!"
%b%b%b%b%b%b%b%bThen Cody flies to space.
NOW
A flaming green meteor the size of Danny DeVito suddenly smashes through a building a mere thirty feet from Angel, detonating the sloppy construction of particularly thick cardboard and lead-based paint. The meteor gouges a huge trench through the street, right past the woman, until it eventually grinds to a halt and just... sits there, alive with green flame.
An instant later, a bestial roar draws attention up to a point in space about two hundred feet above the surface of the Floating Island, where Cody Travers is floating, his body alight with green flames. In his (flaming) hands is a large wooden baseball bat... which he is pointing directly at Angel.
He shoulders the bat, turns to the side, and roars again. Another meteor comes soaring out of space, faster than the speed of sound (possibly even faster than the speed of love), right towards Cody. He swings the bat fiercely, and strikes the meteor with a tremendous *KREEEEEEEENG!!*
It instantly erupts with green flames and reverses directions, crashing through space down towards Angel!!
SOME TIME AGO
Cody Travers is standing in the middle of the street\, surrounded by space police. They have laser guns pointed at him.
"STOP\, CODY TRAVERS!" cries the Space Police Chief. "Your /meteor attack/ has taken /all the meteors from space!/"
Cody recoils\, as if struck. "But... I don't have a /meteor attack!/" Little does Cody know the Space Police are from another dimension\, a dimension where Cody is allowed to have good things.
"We'll see about /that/ when we take you /space downtown!/" cries the Space Police Chief. "Open fire\, men!"
The Space Police open fire\, but Cody's /rippling abs/ and /debilitating drug addiction/ make him immune to lasers. "Hmmm\," Cody says to himself. "There's only one way to fix this... I have to /put more meteors in space!/"
Cody thrusts his right hand straight up into the air\, and cries\, "TO SPACE!"
Then Cody flies to space.
NOW
A flaming green meteor the size of Danny DeVito suddenly smashes through a building a mere thirty feet from Angel, detonating the sloppy construction of particularly thick cardboard and lead-based paint. The meteor gouges a huge trench through the street, right past the woman, until it eventually grinds to a halt and just... sits there, alive with green flame.
An instant later, a bestial roar draws attention up to a point in space about two hundred feet above the surface of the Floating Island, where Cody Travers is floating, his body alight with green flames. In his (flaming) hands is a large wooden baseball bat... which he is pointing directly at Angel.
He shoulders the bat, turns to the side, and roars again. Another meteor comes soaring out of space, faster than the speed of sound (possibly even faster than the speed of love), right towards Cody. He swings the bat fiercely, and strikes the meteor with a tremendous *KREEEEEEEENG!!*
It instantly erupts with green flames and reverses directions, crashing through space down towards Angel!!
COMBATSYS: Cody has joined the fight here.
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Angel 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Cody
COMBATSYS: Angel dodges Cody's Huge Thrown Object.
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Angel 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Cody
Angel finally makes it to the Tiny, Distant Town!! Attempts at opening the nearest building she sees (CRAZY ZHIN'S LIQUOR AND XXX EMPORIUM) have her pushing into an immobile door, shoulder first like some kind of slutted-up fireman. When this fails, she's about to get a running start and -sprint- at the thing, desperation for alcohol (blessed patron!) overriding any sort of logic. It doesn't help that Angel is very obviously not qualified to be a Boy Scout. Survival is something hairy, smelly fanboys do for -her-.
Whatever -- that green, glowing Devitoite absolutely -wrecks- the building right across the street and -plows- into the little town's narrow main strip. The impact catches Angel off-guard - she loses her balance and winds up screwing up an outstretched leg between an unyielding door and a collection of hard and soft, exposed places. Angel is too alarmed, however, to notice the pain.
She's staring at the Devitoite. "What the FUCK?!" Angel dislodges herself from the door and moves closer to inspect the thing - pauses, immediately, when the ground around it begins to -glow-. Green energy starts spreading from the impact site -- the ground touched by it is visibly unaltered, but -feels- strange. Things begin to smell - Angel is backing the hell away. She glances upwards, concerned that there may be more bullshit to come, and it's here that she sees Cody Travers, flaming and -floating-.
"...Owen??! What the hell are you doing here? Where are we?" In Angel's private hell, Cody Travers is played by 'Roided Out Owen Wilson. He is kind of a prick.
"...Why do you have a b- --shit!" Years of gymnastics and Rape Aggression Defense training have given Angel the reflexes to -dive- out of the way of the blonde superstar's meteorite - though she doesn't land on the ground, or even in a roll.
Angel finds herself seated squarely upon a majestic, calm leopard, knees bent precariously over the glorious wings jutting from the sides of its back. The feline stares at the alien Wilson - and takes off, soaring through sky and space!!
The approach is fast, acrobatic. Furious, even - it is a known fact that Sky Leopards hate steroids. Angel's still suffering some disbelief of all this - she'd seen Owen bad, but never quite -this- bad. She attempts to snap him the hell out of his funk, one arm outstretched, fingers extended in the beginnings of a hellish, leopard-speed open-handed slap. "Ugh! What are you trying to do, kill me???!"
Owen Wilson may actually be trying to kill her.
"Snap out of it! We're stuck in space or some shit!"
COMBATSYS: Cody interrupts Medium Punch from Angel with Random Weapon.
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Angel 0/-------/-----==|===----\-------\0 Cody
Cody narrows his eyes at the arrival of the Sky Leopard; clearly, some greater force has seen fit to send a creature of light to interrupt his time in the batting cage. They should know better; batting cage time is a sacred right for all men. It isn't /his/ fault if Angel has disrupted it, and spurned his wrath.
It also isn't his fault that he's in space, and not a batting cage at all.
As Angel rushes up on her Sky Leopard mount, Cody calmly taps his baseball bat on the soles of his (flaming) shoes, blows a bubble using the Big League Chew in his (also flaming) mouth, and shoulders the bat again, swaying his hips as he gets ready to swing.
And then he does. The bat connects with Angel's tits with another deafening *KREEEEEEENG!!*, and the woman goes flying off of her SKy Leopard mount, driven back down into the Floating Island by the force of the blow. She never even touches 'Owen Wilson'.
The leopard, however, does. Undeterred by the swing of the bat, it leaps upon Cody, its fangs and teeth flaring with blue light. The pair's auras merge into a tremendous ball of light that lifts into the air and then slams down into the street about a hundred feet away from Angel.
There is a brief cartoon dust cloud, and then the leopard comes flying out of it and crashes through a nearby wall. A moment later, the dust clears, and Cody begins to haul himself to his feet, using the bat like a walking stick.
Angel doesn't even have time to narrow her eyes!! She's -just about- to connect with 'Owen''s chiseled, artificially manly visage when a -flaming bat- slaps her in the -tits-. While extraordinarily painful, it is also the proudest moment of her day; nothing pops. The Latina speeds towards the ground as though hit by some kind of a -meteor strike-, and impacts that now-officially-abused street's pavement with a deafening, soul-rupturing CRASH. A cloud of dust arises, similar to the one about to envelop Cody and her now ex-mount. It is not quite as badassed, considering it clears to show Angel hefting herself out of a newly-created pit, rubbing at her chest, wincing.
"--Ah... shit... why--..." She's about to cry, but finds resolve in her memories! This is not the worst thing Owen has done to her after a shoot, after all. That one time, the jackass almost went to -celebrity jail- for attempting to violate her.
LIGHTYEARS AWAY IN CELEBRITY JAIL:
Martha Stewart exchanges sexual favors for a Maybelline All-In-One Facial kit. In moments, her jailors will discover this transaction and drag her back to her only moderately furnished, fully-carpeted cell.
BACK HERE:
Angel is rushing 'Owen', pain/pride giving way to simple irritation. The jackass -punched her tits- and -stole her ride- -- why wouldn't she be furious? That headlong run gives way to a short, acrobatic hop - Angel is spinning parallel with the shattered ground, -fast-. Her legs split a half-second prior to connecting with 'Owen's head, close arounnd his neck and subject all of the man's buffed, Californian frame to hellish momentum! Unless he does something stupid, Cody Travers will be thrown -directly into the Devitoite-.
Angel is probably sorely underestimating how stupid Cody can be.
COMBATSYS: Angel successfully hits Cody with Red Sky of Japonesia.
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Angel 0/-------/----===|==-----\-------\0 Cody
Before Cody can wind up for another swing of the bat, Angel is upon him, closing her legs around his head. Normally, he would be pretty okay with this... but currently he is preoccupied by the fact that she just tried to maul him with a Sky Leopard, so /fuck that bitch/.
And /double/ fuck that bitch when she Frankensteiners him into the Devitoite; he smashes it into it head first, and it explodes into a cloud of rock and green sparks.
Growling, Cody begins to haul himself to his feet yet again. He makes it to his feet in only a couple seconds, and begins to advance on Angel again... but he only makes it a step before he suddenly stops and tilts his head, as if listening to something.
Suddenly, a buzzing sound fills the air... and a tiny ball of green flame lifts out of the ruins of the Devitoite. The flame drifts over to Cody and begins to slowly circle his head... and as it does, it becomes obvious what it is. At the center of the flame is...
... a /bee./
Emboldened by his new bee friend, Cody clutches his bat in both hands, lifts it over his head, and charges at Angel, screaming wildly and swinging the bat with literally zero finesse. Or self-control. Or... ... aim.
COMBATSYS: Angel fails to counter Random Weapon from Cody with Cosmic Futen Swing.
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Angel 0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0 Cody
Guh! Angel lands with some class, managing to balance despite her wildly spread feet and awkwardly bent knees. She pauses there, -still- trying to sort through whatever's happening here - where are the agents? The crew, the stagehands?? Where are her -eclairs-?
She's already pulling her cellphone from her jacket pocket (which is smaller than you would think), finding that it's got only a single bar of reception, and starting a new text message. It is at this time that her concentration is -shattered- by a tinny, incessant buzzing. The actress looks up, startled --
And locks gazes with the insect.
"A dung beetle? Where the hell did this thing come from? How did it even get on set??" Her resolve is falling fast, because christ, the thing has 'dung' in its NAME. Cody's completely ignored, bat and all - instead, Angel makes an impulsive attempt to throw her fucking phone at the insect like some kind of psychotic Valley Girl.
Considering Angel is an idiot, she both misses the bee and is hit in the head and shoulders by Cody 'Owen Wilson' Travers' bat, knocked back several feet and falling onto her thankfully well-cushioned rear.
MILES AWAY:
Angel's cellphone collides with an oddly-shaped box perched upon a mountain cliff. The chest opens (oddly, this is announced by a sudden, foreign shout of jubilation), and a blue-and-red baseball cap floats out of its interior.
It begins flying, full-speed, towards the distant battle.
Angel collapses onto her ghetto booty, and Cody... keeps swinging wildly at the air, his eyes squeezed shut. He keeps freaking out in this manner for a good five seconds, and only stops to double over and gasp for breath. At about this time, he opens his eyes, and just sits there, sucking in deep breaths, glaring at Angel where she sits sprawled out by a character in an H-game that he's about to have freaky sex with (after becoming invisible).
And then a hat lands on his head.
Cody just... stands there, for another few seconds, uncertain of what to do now, as sparkles of light swirl around him and some sort of delightful fanfare plays. The bee circling his head buzzes in his ear, a bunch of crap about something or other, he's not really paying attention. He's very confused... so he does what he always does when he gets confused.
He takes two bounding steps forwards and football punts Angel in the uterus.
COMBATSYS: Angel dodges Cody's Heavy Kick.
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Angel 0/-------/-----==|===----\-------\0 Cody
Unfortunately for Cody, this is the exact situation that Angel's Rape Aggression Defense courses have prepared her for. Kicks to the uterus are a staple of any sex offender's playbook, and like most basic introductions, they're easily avoided - in this case, Angel is rolling her big ass to the side, getting her delicates out of the way of Cody's foot. She's professional about the entire thing, save for the hastily muttered, utterly heartfelt:
"You -incredible ass-. And to think I thought you had nice arms..!!"
Angel regains her footing fluidly, rolling into a standing position. Her expression is disapproving - again, she's staring at the bee over Cody's head. The hat. The bat. "Is that your dung beetle?? What's with the hat?? Are you some kind of -closet pervert-, Owen?? I... didn't think the tabloids were true.."
EARLIER:
Angel picks up a copy of TIME, where 'Roided Out Owen Wilson is smiling and surrounded by adorable but utterly prepubescent children. Angel, being both lazy and familiar only with tabloids, does not bother to read and adopts the worst possible conclusion.
CURRENTLY:
Angel is horrified. Truly, she is filled with conviction - the dusky bombshell -lunges- forward, embraces 'Owen' from behind, and attempts to drop him in a vicious, backwards bodyslam!
"YOU MONSTER! ARE YOU WEARING -TROPHIES-?!"
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Angel's Medium Throw.
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Angel 0/-------/-----==|=====--\-------\0 Cody
Cody doesn't even /try/ to twist away from Angel's embrace; he just sort of tenses up his body and lets it happen. Why this is becomes quickly apparent, when Angel's 'bodyslam' turns into 'sort of lifting Cody a few inches off the ground, straining for a few seconds, and then dropping him heavily back onto his feet'.
And then he just... stands there, while Angel spoons him, feeling vaguely uncomfortable even through his drug-induced turbo devil rage.
After a few seconds of being uncomfortable, Cody suddenly realizes that Angel just called him 'Owen.' Nobody calls Cody Travers Owen Wilson and gets away with it.
SOME TIME AGO
Somebody calls Cody Travers Owen Wilson and gets away with it.
NOW
/Nobody./
Cody leans forwards, lifting Angel off the ground thanks to how her arms are still around him, and then suddenly bounces into the air and rocks his weight backwards, swinging the woman clinging to him between him and the ground and - with superb and totally nonexistent elegance - dropping like a rock to sandwich her between himself and an expanse of blacktop.
This is probably not the first time Angel has been sandwiched between a dude and an expanse of blacktop. Hell, it's probably not even the first time today!
COMBATSYS: Angel dodges Cody's Strong Throw.
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Angel 0/-------/-----==|=====--\-------\0 Cody
It isn't. Cody is forgetting about the Germans. Cody is also forgetting about Angel's incredible experience in any sort of a 'sandwich' situation: She is like some kind of Slut prestige class (Slutmancer? Whoresassin?). Consequently he'll find that Angel's slipping away from his clever reversal abnormally easily - her arms veritably -slide- through his own horribly flexed biceps, and the Latina's squeaking along his form until she's able to evacuate to the side, leaving Cody to slam into the blacktop, back feeling rather curiously (and certainly perversely) coated in... something.
Angel drops her now spent bottle of K-Y Her Sensations gel to the ground, and mourns the loss of her favorite deck coat, considering that it, her stomach, and, well, her entire -front- now shine with artificial lubrication.
"Mmmnh...!! What has gotten -into- you? You were never this good at wrestling before.."
Angel takes advantage of her position (above Cody) to raise one foot and -stomp- on the man's chest. She's not necessarily the most talented person in the world when it comes to -fighting magic-, but certainly, exploding with chi in such a way so as to send residual waves of the stuff gliding away from you has to be... uncomfortable.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Angel's Reppun Kamui.
~~ Alluring Hit! ~~
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Angel 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\0 Cody
The impact with the ground knocks the breath straight out of Cody's lungs, and for a moment he just lies there, wheezing. In this time, the now lubed-up Angel takes it upon herself to stomp on his ribs; this is perfectly fine with Cody, who reacts by just sort of grunting in a mixture of irritation and pain.
Even more fine with Cody - or perhaps less fine? - is the fact that with Angel standing just so, he has a direct and unbroken line of sight to her hoohah, and it is an established scientific fact that Angel's outfit leaves very little to the imagination.
Today, it leaves even less.
Cody makes a face describable only like this - D8 - and makes a note to remove 'eat at an Arby's in South or Central America' from his Bucket List.
And then he lifts his left hand - his right being busy, still clutching his bat - and punches it upwards into Angel's... ... he loses his nerve at the last second, with that thing staring at him, and settles for sort of half-heartedly punching her in the thigh, twisting his entire forearm savagely as he does so.
The punch may have been half-hearted, but the ten foot tall whirlwind that erupts into existence around Angel an instant after Cody's arm reaches full extension isn't half-hearted at all. Probably because tornados don't have hearts.
That would be /stupid./
COMBATSYS: Angel dodges Cody's Criminal Upper.
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Angel 0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0 Cody
God, if Angel was privy (hee hee) to Cody's metapose. Instead, she finds her post-impact afterglow RUINED by one (1) licensed hamfist hurtling towards her thinly-covered, -completely innocent-, and certainly alluring pus
Thigh.
"Gh-HEY!" Angel's not -thinking- so much as she is -moving-, and -moving- means 'lifting her leg higher than she should and losing her balance'. Like some kind of unstable, ancient tree, Angel falls -away- from Cody, and luckily avoids the ten-foot-tall tornado that erupts around the man's outstretched fist. She is aware of this, but curiously unconcerned.
EARLIER:
Angel watches Owen Wilson impress some fans by shooting tornadoes out of his hands. Nobody understands how he does it, but it -reeks- of testosterone. This is the only time she had ever considered dating him.
NOW:
Angel finds herself at least partially caught in Cody's tornado - enough to turn her around and bring her falling down, ass-first, on Cody's forehead. Straddling his face, she finds herself with a curious opportunity to properly -attack- him while he's got no real chance at defending! Considering her opponent's focus up 'till now, Angel finds it curiously -appropriate- that she's got him in such a poor spot, and lifts her hand high.
Without remorse, she curls it into a fist, and brings it -hurtling- down on Cody's most prized posessions. It is, for the other writer, kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Angel's Aggressive Strike.
~~ Alluring Hit! ~~
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Angel 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\0 Cody
Angel's fist impacts Cody's most prized possessions with a solid *THWACK*, and the sound of glass breaking fills the air around the two grappling fighters. Cody's eyes widen in horror; he screams, but only for a moment, because after he opens his mouth he realizes this is a really awkward position to do that in, and snaps it shut.
Another moment, and he settles for shoving Angel violently off of him and sitting up, scrambling hurriedly onto all fours; he reaches down, hands shaking, fumbling for his most prized possessions. It takes him a few seconds to get them out, especially because they're leaking everywhere, staining the front of his pants fluorescent green.
Hands still trembling, Cody carefully plucks the shattered glass remains of several syringes of Glow out of his left pocket, and spreads them on the ground before him. His eyes flood with tears as the glowing green liquid slowly pools on the ground in front of him...
... and, slowly, his sorrow turns to /anger/. He takes his bat up again, and rises to his feet, turning to face Angel. Sneering with rage, he advances on the woman, raising the baseball bat above his head; a terrible green aura boils off of him, like what you might expect to see if a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle went SSJ.
With a roar of fury, Cody strikes downwards at Angel with the bat, like it was a fucking katana or something.
*KREEEEEEEEEEENG!!*
COMBATSYS: Angel dodges Cody's Random Weapon!.
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Angel 0/-------/---====|====---\-------\0 Cody
"U- whoa!!" The latina is thrown from her mount like some kind of -amateur rodeo rider-. She lands on her back, completely without flair, and takes a moment to roll around, bemoaning the complete nonsense of this entire situation. Cody gets to his knees and starts crying about something or other - meanwhile, Angel stares at his curiously -bright green- pants. It is kind of like being at a Cosmo Bowl and judging every single boy with awkward stains on his jeans, but much, much less safe.
Angel wouldn't be upset if she understood that everything happening right now was a legitimate, God-loving drug addiction flare-up, and not goddamned 'roids. (EARLIER: Angel pops like seven tabs of X and hangs out with some Germans.) Instead, she's only overcome with morbid irritation and pure, feminine drive to 'fix' this handsome, broken lad -- after all, the two of them are stranded! His suggestive punches aside, Cody 'Owen Wilson' Travers could be of some incredible help.
"Cody! Cut that shi-"
Bat! Angel reaches out with both hands, manages to catch the thing before she -dies-, then lunges upwards, catching Cody beneath the armpit with her right hand, jumping forwards to wrap both thighs about his waist, and then headbutt him.
Like five times.
"Cut. This. Shit. Out. Now!!! Owen, we're LOST! Don't you want to get home..?!?"
"U- whoa!!" The latina is thrown from her mount like some kind of -amateur rodeo rider-. She lands on her back, completely without flair, and takes a moment to roll around, bemoaning the complete nonsense of this entire situation. Cody gets to his knees and starts crying about something or other - meanwhile, Angel stares at his curiously -bright green- pants. It is kind of like being at a Cosmo Bowl and judging every single boy with awkward stains on his jeans, but much, much less safe.
Angel wouldn't be upset if she understood that everything happening right now was a legitimate, God-loving drug addiction flare-up, and not goddamned 'roids. (EARLIER: Angel pops like seven tabs of X and hangs out with some Germans.) Instead, she's only overcome with morbid irritation and pure, feminine drive to 'fix' this handsome, broken lad -- after all, the two of them are stranded! His suggestive punches aside, Cody 'Owen Wilson' Travers could be of some incredible help.
"Owen! Cut that shi-"
Bat! Angel reaches out with both hands, manages to catch the thing before she -dies-, then lunges upwards, catching Cody beneath the armpit with her right hand, jumping forwards to wrap both thighs about his waist, and then headbutt him.
Like five times.
"Cut. This. Shit. Out. Now!!! Owen, we're LOST! Don't you want to get home..?!?"
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Angel's Combo Grapple.
~~ Alluring Hit! ~~
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Angel 0/-------/---====|=====--\-------\0 Cody
Cody fumes in frustration and fury as Angel foolishly fusillades him with... with...
Alliteration is hard.
Angel showers Cody with kisses of the glasgow variety, and he never even flinches (hey, another F word!). It's like headbutting a retarded wall... but that retarded wall suddenly sneers in increased fury when Angel calls him 'Owen' again.
Suddenly, Cody stops seeming so much like Owen Wilson, and starts seeming a lot more like Quentin Tarantino. This is because he drops his bat, letting it clatter to the ground, closes his hands around Angel's throat, and starts squeezing.
Even more suddenly than that, Angel's mind fills with another presence, as the green flaming bee still circling Cody's head speaks to her... WITH ITS MIND! <<You will not prevail,>> the bee warns Angel, in a voice exactly like Kelsey Grammer's. <<It cannot be allowed. The timestream is already too warped; much more strain, and it will break entirely!>>
What the fuck is that bee talking about?
SOME TIME AGO
David Carradine is sitting in his home, smoking a cigar. Suddenly, the latch explodes into splinters of wood as someone kicks the door open. Shocked, David rises to his feet and turns to the doorway; in it stands a shadowed man. All that can be seen of him is that he's wearing a blue and white striped jumpsuit, and his eyes are glowing green.
Grimly, David lowers his cigar from his mouth. "Just a matter of time, I suppose..."
COMBATSYS: Angel dodges Cody's Savage Combo.
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Angel 0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0 Cody
Cody's fingers close around Angel's throat like some kind of vise or something, and her eyes proceed to bug out of her head, while her mouth opens, her nostrils flare. Air is sucked inwards, but doesn't really get past the muscle-sausages occluding her throat, and ultimately the Latina's flailing around like some kind of a Simpsons's character, tongue practically airborne. It's the flailing kick to Cody's sternum that has her dropped - she takes the opportunity to jog a short distance away before leaning forward, hands on her knees, eyes wide. She's -staring- at Cody, who is growing progressively more insane.
"W-"
A -goddamned bee- starts talking to Angel. Her face becomes a contorted, rictus thing, and rage is honestly the only way one might describe what is going on.
"Get that fucking -beetle- to stop talking to me! It isn't even making sense!"
COMBATSYS: Angel gains composure.
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Angel 0/-------/----===|======-\-------\0 Cody
Cody doubles over when Angel's foot cracks - accidentally - into his sternum, his grip on the woman releasing. He remains doubled over, coughing and hacking, for about thirty seconds.
In that time, the bee circling his head flies into a rage. <<Dung beetle?! DUNG BEETLE?!>> The bee flits straight upwards, breaking its orbit of Cody's noggin. <<I'm no dung beetle!!>>
Suddenly, a halo of green lightning erupts behind the creature; several hazy, almost invisible spirits manifest around it; Blast Hornet, Buck Bumble, Jerry Seinfeld's career... the spirits all converge on the bee, which launches into a crazy dive, straight towards Angel!
Unfortunately, it's still a bee, so it just sort of crashes into her cleavage and starts thrashing around in a panic.
Cody, meanwhile, is still hacking and coughing, his hands on his knees. Every once in awhile, he spits out a mouthful of thick drool.
COMBATSYS: Angel endures Cody's Small Thrown Object.
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Angel 0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0 Cody
Snow-white brows rocket into an equally snow-white hairline, and Angel is again subjected to the protests of a telepathic bee. She's so startled by this -brain rape- that the bee vanishing into her admittedly overly-displayed chest goes completely unnoticed. The slight vibration -would- be startling, provided Angel was not a hilariously fake Hollywood starlet in this OIC timeline. As it is, she's attributing it to some kind of indicator that Cody's bat to the tits set one of them to leaking.
Like any kind of self-respecting bimbo, the 'NESTS agent' zips her jacket up to keep more air from escaping. It'd be terrible if she finished this fight with a lopsided chest! She aims, for now, to distract from her embarassing personal problems with some lightning-fast countermeasures.
Abruptly, Angel vanishes.
EARLIER:
Winona Ryder teaches a young Angel how to completely -disappear-. Curiously, Winona strongly felt that this trick was most useful in upscale mall clothing outlets.
NOW:
Angel reappears, suddenly, behind Cody. Fingers find the baby-hairs at the nape of his neck and brutally -grab- them: Angel lunges forward, seeking to -drive- the blonde's face into the ground!
For now she is completely ignoring the bee in her jacket. They can only sting once, right?
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Angel's Quick Throw.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////// ]
Angel 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\0 Cody
Cody, who is still hacking and coughing, snarls in agony as Angel shoves his face into the ground. He slaps the woman's hand away and rises onto his knees, lifting his bat again--
-- and suddenly howls in agony as a knife sinks into his wrist, and his hand spasms open, the bat clattering back to the ground. Behind Angel, a figure settles onto the ground, descending calmly from space. And that figure is...
CODY TRAVERS?!
"You!" shouts the new Cody, lifting a finger to point accusingly. "You're the one who's been /stealing all the meteors from space!/ I'm gonna-"
A bolt of pitch black lightning suddenly leaps from Cody's finger, briefly linking the two Codys together. Instantly, the black lightning begins to multiply, arcing across the entire Floating Island, as darkness spreads across the ground in an ever-expanding pool. Like, this is some serious Little Nemo shit.
<<No!>> cries the bee, from within Angel's jacket. <<The timestream! THE TIMESTREAM!!>
There is a tremendous peal of thunder, and suddenly everything on the surface of the Floating Island - including Cody, Angel, and Cody - disappears, as it is flung into time.
SOME TIME AGO
Covered in ectoplasm, the Glowed-out Cody hauls himself onto all fours. He is outside of David Carradine's home; in his hand is clutched a small and extremely musical stone. The final words of the bee who was his greatest ally ring in his ears; something about sanctuaries, and guardians, and...
... ah, who gives a shit.
Cody pulls himself to his feet, takes a few staggering steps towards David Carradine's door, and then lifts his foot and kicks the door open, the latch exploding into splinters of wood.
COMBATSYS: Cody gains composure.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////// ]
Angel 0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0 Cody
Angel is, canonically, not the cleverest person around. Even in this MYSTERIOUS NEW WORLD where she is played by a TALENTED LATINA actress (A younger, fitter Salma Hayek??? With -bigger- boobs??), she is not the fastest character on set, but the combination of Cody's teleportation stab, lightning -transmogrification-, and an insistent, smarter-than-thou pestering effect a very confused, very -thoughtful- expression on an otherwise pretty face.
"H-holy -shit-, there're like, two of you? Is this one of your tricks, Owen?? You remember what happened the last time you did magic!!
EARLIER, AT A WEDDING:
One of Owen Wilson's magic shows puts three men into hospital for full-thickness burns. A child is rendered unable to grow facial hair, and two women are left barren. Owen Wilson's magician license is revoked."
NOW:
Angel's face is paling, which is -hard to do- when it is that tan. "M-maybe the bee..." Angel makes one of the first good decisions she has made all fight, and unzips her jacket for entirely wholesome reasons. Buzz-Buzz is let free, and immediately soars into the air above Angel's head, bobbing about in an attempt to -communicate-. Of course, she doesn't understand what the hell he's saying - she's not a psychic juvenille.
"What the -fu-- *WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMFPH*" The second sound was not Angel speaking - it was reality being -torn from her-.
"...David Carradine..? Aren't you de- ah!"
-- THE END OF TIME --
An old man stands beneath a streetlight, otherwise surrounded by formless darkness. Black lightning crashes into the ground not even twenty feet from the man, and residual lightning crackles roll out over the impact sight, intensifying, multiplying.
The old man does not wake up.
Eventually forms come into play - two young men, a young woman, and a bee, flying around the trio. The bee is wildly gesticulating. Angel reaches out to slap one of the men in the back of the head. "Now we're -MEGA- lost!!"
The old man wakes up. "Hmm. You three shouldn't be here yet. Hello, Buzz-Buzz." He smiles warmly, but reaches out and, with a snap of his fingers, sends the group -back into the ether-.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Angel's Medium Punch.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////// ]
Angel 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1 Cody
DAVID CARRADINE'S HOUSE
Cody is beating the shit out of David Carradine. It is hella brutal. Faces are slammed through marble kitchen islands, holes are punched in walls, craters are punched in pillars, it's just, it's just crazy. At one point, someone is stabbed.
Eventually, however, Cody prevails; he hauls a beaten David Carradine into the air by his throat, carries him over to a plate glass window, and throws him through it in slow motion.
Unfortunately for Cody, this is a house in the hills, and not a penthouse apartment; David Carradine falls like four feet, lands on a hillside, and begins to fall downhill, screaming. HE continues to fall - and scream - for about two minutes.
At one point, he passes Andy Samberg, who is also falling downhill and screaming.
-- THE END OF TIME --
There is a brilliant flash of light from behind a gate beyond the old man and his streetlight; an instant later, the gate flies open and Cody bursts out of it, engulfed in green flames. "GUYS!" he screams, waving his arms excitedly, obviously manic. "FIRE! THIS GUY'S GIVING AWAY /FREE FIRE!/"
As if to prove his point, Cody thrusts his arms forwards, and a huge wave of green flame washes over Angel, and, indeed, everyone present in the little... 'room.'
... or, at least, it almost does. Instead, just as the fire would strike the assorted peoples there, a huge psychedelic array of color and shapes erupts into being in front of them as Buzz-Buzz works his psychic protection on all present.
So all Cody really manages to do is shoot fire everywhere while shouting, "WHOOOOOOOOSH!!"
COMBATSYS: Cody takes no action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////// ]
Angel 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1 Cody
Angel is pretty certain that everything Cody is doing is borne out of some cocaine dream.
-- THE END OF TIME --
Sleepy And Mysterious Old Man's mysterious *snap* is cut short by Cody's sudden appearance! The elderly gentleman is hardly able to respond before he's engulfed in green flames (what the fuck!), and -vanishes-. Within Buzz-Buzz's PSYCHIC SHIELD, the Latina swallows once, deeply.
She lifts an arm to slap at one of the Codies again, but finds herself shrugging, lowering the arm. "Guh," she mentions, upset. "It'll just make another one come out or something." The action movie star crosses her arms beneath her chest, leans against a surprisingly sturdy psychic barrier, and elects to wait this shit out.
-- MOMENTS LATER --
Generous Fire Cody is still doling out the Generous Fire harshness. Buzz-Buzz is, like, flying around all confused and shit, because he has reached the limit of his bee psychic abilities. -Just as things are about to fall apart-, and Angel's ass is without a place to lean against...
Another gate opens in a flash of blinding light! Angel commando-leaps out of the thing, engulfed in --bees--. At first they look like they're just normal bees, but it's the way that Angel's hovering over the ground and glowing like some kind of raver kid that really tips one off to their true nature.
"CODY TRAVERS, SCION OF THE GLOWFLAME!!!" Bee Angel is melodramatic, but she is shouting to be heard over all of the fucking buzzing. The woman points a bee-wreathed finger at her spazzed opponent - bees buzz furiously! It is like nature has a chainsaw or something!
"I'VE CHASED YOU THIS FAR -- ARE YOU PREPARED TO FINISH THINGS? THE OLD MAN ISN'T HERE TO HELP YOU THIS TIME!" Angel coughs, once - coughing turns into violent choking, and the bee-wreathed Mexican windsd up spitting a particularly winded bee on the ground. She ends up being OK.
COMBATSYS: Angel takes no action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////// ]
Angel 0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1 Cody
As Bee Angel speaks, Cody lowers his hands and ceases shooting green fire everywhere. Buzz-Buzz collapses to the ground, buzzing with exhaustion; his psychic shield falls, leaving only empty air filled with heat distortion between Glowflame Cody and Bee Angel.
When Cody next speaks, his voice is different; suddenly, he is voiced acted by MC Chris. "Foolish girl!" he squeals, thrusting a flaming finger out towards Bee Angel. "You know not of the affairs in which you meddle! You have sworn yourself to Tim'xrrhotep, the King in Yellow Jacket!"
"And for that..."
Cody's hand tightens into a fist, and the green flames wreathing his body rush over him to converge on his hand; an instant later, a three-foot long blade of writhing green fire erupts from his closed fist, and he raises it above his head.
"... YOU SHALL DIE BESIDE YOUR MASTER!!"
Cody springs forwards and suddenly launches through the air towards Bee Angel, skimming inches above the surface of the tiny platform that makes up -- THE END OF TIME --, lashing out at Angel with his glowflame sword!
COMBATSYS: Angel blocks Cody's Random Weapon.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///////////// ]
Angel 0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\0 Cody
Despite her earlier bravado, Cody's sudden voice-change has the bee-sheathed warrior adopting a cowed expression - her eyes widen, framed by equally terrified, subdued bees. From within her living helm, she mentions something, but it is inaudible over -the buzzing-. Inaudible, really, until her nature and -strength- augment her natural voice -- it booms out, louder than life! Broadcast through the mind-network of her writhing armor! The effect is mentally deafening to those unprepared.
"...You would dare show yourself here, M.Chris..?!? This place is verboten to you! Leave n-na---
Cody rushes Angel! She's able to lift her arms to counter the attack - thousands of bees erupt in a prismatic eruption, charred forms falling to the ground and leaving the bee warrior's tawny flesh exposed for an instant; long enough to singe it, to cause it to bubble from the heat of that sword. Bees swarm in to cover it, and ultimately, a bright pink glow arises from Angel's armor - that weapon is repelled with enough force to send Cody sprawling backwards!
A chorus of buzzing announces Angel's sudden -rise-, and soon, she floats several feet above -- THE END OF TIME --'s island-battlefield, hands extended, eyes glowing a malevolent, deep pink! One arm is extended, as though she were making a decree, passing judgement on the man beneath her:
"IN THE NAME OF TIM, OUR KING IN YELLOW JACKET, I EXORCIZE THE MALEVOLENT M.CHRIS FROM THEE!" Bees begin to cluster beneath that outstretched hand - as one, they swarm Cody, stinging, gripping, -lifting- with the collective force of their small, psychic minds! With a bright -FLASH- and a sudden, ringing smell that is practically exactly indicative of honey's cloying, saccharine signatures, Cody will find himself -brutally- tossed into the air.
COMBATSYS: Cody Toughs Out Angel's Medium Throw!
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //////////// ]
Angel 0/-------/-======|=======\=------\1 Cody
Bee Angel's initial, bright pink glow sends Cody flying backwards, as expected; he crashes into the iron fence surrounding -- THE END OF TIME --, sending a chunk of it flying away into inky, infinite blackness. The man himself slumps to the ground, landing heavily on one knee... but rises after only a moment, sneering.
"You hold no power here, Timxrrh'othep," squeaks Glowflame Cody; for a brief instant, as he speaks, he is encompassed in a hazy, translucent image, like a ghost were present; the image is of a giant praying mantis wearing a diaper. "As shall SOON BE EVIDENT!"
Bee Angel's bees swarm over Cody, and for a brief instant, it seems as if they will overwhelm him and fling him into the air. At the last moment, however, the man's body again erupts in green flame, and every bee swarming across his surface straight-up incinerates, dissolving into ashes in a heartbeat.
With a bestial roar, Cody lifts his still-present glowflame sword above his head like he was on the Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope movie poster. His roar is answered by an ethereal chorus, which sing - and I quote - "Aah-aaaaah, haaa haaaaaaaaa~"
Cody's sword suddenly like infinituples in size. The blade widens for a good hundred feet in every direction, and it lances upwards into the inky blackness of -- THE END OF TIME -- as far as the eye can see, shedding brilliant green light like it was a fucking sun.
The entire time, totally sweet music is playing.
With another roar, Cody hauls back and swings the sword straight downwards at Angel. ... well... 'at Angel.' In reality, whether it hits or misses, it absolutely destroys the platform they're standing on, and everything connected to it, including the little sheep man standing in the room from whence Cody came.
But fuck that guy anyways. 'Walk around the room three times' my ass. Fucking homo.
COMBATSYS: Angel counters Random Weapon! from Cody with Survivor's Banquet.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ///// ]
Angel 0/-------/-----==|====---\-------\0 Cody
Unseen, the smile creeping across Bee Angel's face - a hard-won thing, certainly, and indicative of years of torment and trial - /falters/. With the sudden, merciless destruction of her bees, the powers-that-bee (ha ha ha!!) lose their focus, and the warrior, the huntress, the -valkyrie- tumbles groundwards, collapsing in a heap before the slumbering Gaspar and the conveniently-ignored alt-u warriors.
It is not the shouting, the yelling, or the damnation of her lord Timxrrh'othep that brings Angel back to consciousness; it is the music. Sonorous and vibrant to the Glowflame Knight over there, Bee Valkyrie Fighting Queen Angel finds a cacophony, endlessly irritating. She stumbles to her feet, hands rising to clutch at her head, eyes watering from the pain!!!
She is also completely naked, since the bees aren't able to effectively cover her when they are -also- writhing around on the ground.
In any case, Cody's sword erupts into some enormous glowflame-phallus, wreathing the arena in its unhealthy illumination, blinding to those ill-equipped to behold its magnificence! Angel crouches into what might appear to be a pathetic, defensive huddle - but as the music grows in intensity, and as sweat drips from her brow, the camera angle pans out in a modesty-preserving fashion. Hands are clasped before her bowed head, while her lips move, fervently.
-- SOMEWHERE ELSE --
Charles Barkley engages his son, Hoopz, in a friendly game of B-Ball, in a happier place where very specific slams and jams -have not- occured. The man and boy find themselves compelled, mid-game, to drop to their knees and offer their prayers to an unknown ally.
Momentarily bamboozled, they get back to their shit.
-- ANOTHER PLACE --
Jerry Seinfeld is interrupted from his hellish movie-promotion schedule to similarly drop to his knees, hands clasped before him. The effect is like, tripled because he's definitely wearing a bee outfit.
-- YET SOMEWHERE ELSE --
Mai Shiranui drops to her knees, but that has nothing to do with this.
-- MONTAGE OF DOZENS OF PLACES --
All over the Earth, and throughout Time, Space, people are overwhelmed by feelings of fear, a compulsion to support one another. They falter, fall to their knees -- their prayers fill the air! One by one they combine, fall into one another, and meet at a very specific location. A focus.
-- THE HOUsE OF DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON --
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has taken a few moments out of his rigorous schedule (he has just finished his second work-out of the day and is about to teach a community cooking class) to reflect on his wrestling days. Suddenly, he is overcome by a mix of emotions - the man's handsome face is overcome with surprise, shock. He is overwhelmed. Just as the fervent messages and maddening concern seeks to finish him, he enters into the eye of the hurricane - his message, his -duty- becomes clear.
-- THE END OF TIME --
Cody's Double Glow Raiser sword comes crashing downwards, wide and terrible in its scope. There's no fucking way out of this mess, and at the last moment, Angel looks upwards, eyes narrowed against her fate. There is a -flash- of light, and the Floating Disembodied Head Of Giant Dwayne Johnson materializes in the air, larger than life!
"A FOLLOWER OF M.CHRIS..!! /WHAT/ IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!" His attitude, it is fucking supreme. One might notice that there is a Floating Disembodied Arm And Hand Of Giant Dwayne Johnson holding the Double Glow Raiser through sheer 'tude alone.
"THIS FIGHT IS -OVER-! KNOW YOUR ROLE..."
A Floating Disembodied Elbow Of Giant Dwayne Johnson materializes above Cody, descending like...
well, like a rock.
"AND -SHUT YOUR MOUTH-!"
"No... no! NO!!"
The Floating Disembodied Elbow Of Giant Dwayne Johnson crashes directly into Cody's sternum and buries itself in his chest, which is pretty weird because the elbow itself is easily wider across than Cody's entire body. The man's entire face elongates in a terrible, DBZ-villain like scream, and the GlowGlow Raiser Sword suddenly shimmers out of existence, fading into a cloud of sparks.
Cody slumps forwards over the elbow piercing his chest, and lifts his eyes towards Angel. THey are full of hate. "I'll drag your soul to Hell with me... Bee Valkyrie Angel," Cody rasps; as he speaks, the ghostly image of a diaper-wearing mantis appears around him again, its face overlaid with his. Its ghost torso is also pierced by the The Floating Disembodied Elbow Of Giant Dwayne Johnson.
Suddenly, what remains of Cody's glowflame leaps out of his body as an array of tiny lances of green light, all of which converge towards Angel, as M.Chris uses the last of his power to attempt to ruin Angel. Not by turning her into a space retard or anything that ridiculous, oh no... but by turning her into an A cup.
As the last of M.Chris's power leaves him, Cody's body dissolves into a cloud of green embers, just like his sword.
COMBATSYS: Cody has reached second wind!
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////// ]
Angel 0/-------/-----==|===----\-------\0 Cody
A few moments later, an orange-brown platform descends from the infinite blackness on high; it looks like the base of a little toy statuette. On it stands Cody, perfectly unharmed.
After an instant of just standing there, he suddenly drops straight through the bottom of the platform and lands on the platform taht makes up most of -- THE END OF TIME--. Rather than attack Angel immediately, he starts jumping around like a spaz, attacking a rainbow-colored ball that has begun drifting around in an extremely irritating fashion.
COMBATSYS: Cody successfully hits Angel with Criminal Upper.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ////// ]
Angel 0/-------/-======|=====--\-------\0 Cody
--What...??
"ANGEL," booms the voice of Floating Disembodied Dwayne Johnson, savage in its direct nature. "KEEP FIGHTING, GIRL, SHOW THIS CHUMP WHERE HE MESSED UP TODAY."
Dwayne Johnson fades as he finishes speaking - his voice distances, and is eventually gone. Angel is -eternally- confused, but ultimately -glad-, considering that Cody is finally dead! The world, it is -saved-!
'I'll drag your soul to hell with me...!'
Angel looks towards her foe -just in time- to be slammed in the -tits- with that conflagration of green Glowflame lances -- she shrieks, chest shrinking according to M.Chris' desires!!!! As though responding to her distress, her bees suddenly 'form up' to adequately armor their mistress.
A -lot- of bees find themselves without anything to cover and just kind of zoom around Angel's head like a halo.
"G-gh... h-how'm I going to get married -now-?!?! CURSE YOU, M.CHRI---" Distantly, an endlessly wise voice admonishes Angel, chides her, and prompts her to seek calm. Breasts are, after all, superficial, and unimportant. They are not what makes a woman -- women are made by
Thoughts are crushed by the Angel's sudden, consuming revelation: She is smaller-chested than Li Xiangfei.
While Angel doesn't remember, really, the rest of what happens, Cody is to bear witness to one of the more hellish, projectile-based bee assaults Angel's thrown thus far. Yes, she dimly realizes that he has -come back from the dead- (M.Chris' power is strong, certainly), but her mind is elsewhere. It is so far elsewhere.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Angel's Aggressive Strike.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ < > //// ]
Angel 0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0 Cody
Cody is assailed by several streams of bees, but he simply ignores them and the stings they unleash across his figure, and continues... jumping around -- THE END OF TIME -- like an asshole. Eventually, the ball he's trying to hit drifts too far up for him to get to it, and so he turns his attentions back to the now flat-chested Angel.
APparently, in this case, 'his attentions' means 'grabbing her, leaping off the side of -- THE END OF TIME -- with her in tow, planting his foot on her bee-covered neck, and propelling the both of them straight downwards into infinite blackness.
THE NEXT DIMENSION
Cody and Angel are playing the latest hit fighting game, Batch of the Billennium. Cody is playing Angel, and Angel is playing Cody.
Angel has just had e-Cody grab e-Angel and Guilty Stamp them both into oblivion. She is now giggling like a retard, much like she has been the entire match.
COMBATSYS: Cody successfully hits Cody with Guilty Stamp.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\ < > ]
Angel 0/-------/-======|=======\==-----\1 Cody
COMBATSYS: Cody successfully hits Angel with Guilty Stamp.
[ \\\\\\\\ < > ]
Angel 1/-------/=======|=======\====---\1 Cody
THE NEXT DIMENSION
Cody attempts to have e-Angel tech out of e-Cody's Guilty Stamp, but it is to no avail, and the two sprites go spiraling off-screen, never to be heard from again. While Angel has been giggling like a retard -the entire time-, Cody's shoulders have grown steadily more hunched, and his biceps twitch, like murderous pythons preparing to strike.
What kind of a guy gets beaten by a -girl-? At -Batch of the Billennium-??!
"God," he mutters. "What's so funny?? It's not like there's any -point- to that, I mean, we just -die--
SECRET ROOM: ENTER
e-Cody and e-Angel are standing in the top-secret, forbidden Developers Room. Gonzales sits here in his boxers, half-asleep over a copy of Romance Of The Three Kingdoms. In another corner, Megatron sits with his hand down his box-
Megatron is not wearing pants.
e-Angel just has no idea what the fuck is going on at all, and appropriately -sits- there, like a jackass. In fact, Cody inputs the 'Cope' sequence - e-Angel takes a few seconds to have a good cry about where her tits went.
COMBATSYS: Angel gains composure.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\ < > ]
Angel 0/-------/=======|=======\====---\1 Cody
e-Cody, having taken falling damage from the entrance into the secret room, sprawls out on his side and explodes into sparks again. This makes Angel totally lose it, and she collapses backwards on the couch she and Cody are sitting on, clutching her stomach and laughing wildly, the controller tumbling out of her hands.
Her laughter makes her chest jiggle wildly, like it was a pair of bouncy castles, each full of eleven year olds, and all the eleven year olds are on speed. Possibly they are jiggling so much to make up for e-Angel's now complete lack of tits.
COMBATSYS: Cody takes no action.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\ <
Angel 0/-------/=======|
COMBATSYS: Cody can no longer fight.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\ <
Angel 0/-------/=======|
e-Angel just, just never stops crying. Eventually everybody on staff either moves or outright quits because bitch got annoying after a while and GLaDOS, despite her incredible talents, never could figure out how to code e-Angel a proper pair of tits. e-Cody, even though he has exploded into sparks --again--, is the moral victor. He, at least, will recognize the person he sees in the mirror!
Cody is about to say something smart to Angel - denegrating or gloating, perhaps - and is smacked solidly in the chin by a renegade bouncing tit.
That'll teach him.
Log created on 20:01:39 04/16/2010 by Angel, and last modified on 21:58:39 04/22/2010.