Description: macs vs. pcs vs. flashbacks vs. vomit vs. sonic booms vs. police brutality vs. no actual police (Winners: Jayden and Ren)
Getting paid to... represent the Macintosh users of the world? What the -fuck-? "Man, th' hell is this crap? Why can't we just get out there an' fight?" The question, as irritated-sounding as Jayden sounds, is rhetorical--he already knows the answer. It's because of money. Well, that, at least, is a motivation that he can understand.
"Right. You got me t' put on this damn fool jacket, an' I'll wear it, but I ain't a computer geek so you can bet yo' sweet ass that I am not gon' be shillin' for nobody..." A whispered conversation, a index card, and Jayden gives an official an almost-murderous look. He waits for just a moment, then... "... fine. But you gon' pay extra for this one." Shrugging into the jacket--almost his standard black leather biker jacket, except with a glossy, white Apple logo spraypainted on the back--he stalks out to the arena.
In his lazy, Cajun drawl, he says, "I am a Mac. That bitch o'er there," he says, waving a gloved hand over at Sakura, "Is a PC. We gon' come out an' show you why you gonna wan' t' buy Mac. 'cuz we gon' kick her goddamn ass." Okay, not quite what was on the card--that's ripped up and tossed to the ground--but that's what he says.
Meanwhile, in another dressing room, Ren is totally EXCITED. Why?
Because she LOVES Macintosh stuff.
"So I get free stuff, right? Like the new 3G iPod Touch?" A SNF official just shakes his head and turns away, making his exit out of the room. "Aww, where are you going? Come on! Wait! Are you going to GET me one!?"
"Be sure to wear the coat," he notes before slamming the door behind him.
"I want one in pink!" Ren calls out.
TEN MINUTES LATER:
Ren bounces out of the backstage, entering Red Arena with too cheerful a bounce in her step. She's excited, after all, at the thought of FREE STUFF from Macintosh. FREE. "Oh hey, I'm a Mac too! PC is crap, so you should listen to what we have to say!" Waving her ring about, she looks around the packed arena before she looks to Sakura.
"Er, I don't mean YOU are, ma'am. Just the product, and..." Yeah. Ren goes sheepishly quiet.
SOME TIME AGO
Sakura attempts to use the family computer. It is a Mac OS 8.5. "Okay, I just... click... Macintosh HD... and then... Syst... no, wait, back up, Control P... ugh! Apple menu? Where the hell is the apple menu?! Okay, if I click... this... wait... aaah! Come on, I just want to play solitaire!"
Sakura's father pokes his head in. "Sakura, Macs don't come with solitaire."
SOME TIME AGO
The family computer is sitting in a trash bin out in front of the house, later that evening. Sakura's mother is yelling at her to go back out and get it, but in Japanese.
NOW
Sakura is wearing a pair of glasses. They're big and thickly-rimmed, and are taped up in the middle. "Ugh, maybe this was a bad idea," she says, eyeing the amorphous blur of color that comprises the crowd. "I didn't know my dad's prescription was /this/ heavy... ugh, I kinda feel sick."
Sakura has also augmented her schoolgirl outfit with a nametag reading 'HELLO! My name is BILL GATES,' although she misspelled 'HELLO!', which is bizarre because that's the part that comes preprinted on the sticker.
"OH! Are we going?! Uh, okay! Buy PCs! Because... they come with solitaire! And I'm going to kick these clowns' asses..." Sakura points dramatically. "...SOLITAIRE!"
A production assistant comes and physically turns Sakura's body so that she's pointing at Ren and Jayden, and not a cameraman and a conspicuously placed cactus. "Oh! Whoops! Haha."
COMBATSYS: Sakura has started a fight here.
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Sakura 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Ren has joined the fight here on the left meter side.
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Ren 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Sakura
COMBATSYS: Jayden has joined the fight here on the left meter side.
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Ren 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/-------|
God. What a guy's got to do to get a decent paycheck around here. His teammate's a freak of bouncy nature, exactly the kind of thing that Elle warned him about, and his opponent isn't much better. God, those glasses... y'know, they say a gentleman would never hit a guy with glasses. Or hit a girl. So, you know. Hitting a girl who is wearing glasses is like double the bastardity.
Fortunately, he's fine with that. "Oh, for the love of... that's it," he growls, that Cajun yat thickening a touch, like a good roux.
"I am gonna bash those damn glasses right off your damn face." A bold, honest prediction, and he seeks to suit action to words as he takes off, springing forward like a tiger, drawing his right hand back, clenching it into a flat-faced fist--and then, as he lands from his nearly-horizontal hop forward, aiming to punch her, right in the goddamn temple. "Chere, th' glasses, they do not suit you," he remarks, "let me help!"
"Oh hum, that isn't very nice," Ren idly observes as Jayden gets all surly and angry at poor Sakura. Glancing from him to the schoolgirl, she seems baffled by the full-out hate he comes bearing. "I mean, this is just some silly fight--" Then she remembers being stabbed by Rolento. Repeatedly.
"Errrr..." Now she doesn't feel so good.
"W-well, I for one have no real problem with PC, even if Mac is SUPERIOR!" Pumping a fist, steel hoop and all, the girl offers a big smile to the crowds, who cheer less for her and more for the whole Jayden-leaping-at-Sakura-and-punching.
"Guess I should help. Here we go!"
And with that in mind, Ren swings her arm in a wide arc, sending that massive, 40lbs. hoop soaring past Jayden and low, right for poor Sakura's legs!
"BUY MAC!"
COMBATSYS: Sakura parries Jayden's Aggressive Strike!
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Ren 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Sakura dodges Ren's Medium Fling.
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Ren 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/-------|
"My dad's glasses?!" Sakura squeaks. "No way! He'll kill me if they get broken!" Almost reflexively, Sakura smacks away Jayden's punch.
SOME TIME AGO
Sakura, preparing for tonight's fight, steals off with her dad's glasses. "Heh heh heh," she mutters. "The perfect crime..." Once clear of where her father is sleeping on the couch, she jumps into her signature skirt-rustling victory pose, thrusting one fist into the air.
This is accompanished by the sound of her dad's glasses crunching in said fist.
"Oh, crap!" Sakura yells.
NOW
Hopping over the flung ring, Sakura tries to turn the jump into a hop-kick to Ren's face. "UH, NO WAY, BUY PC," she retorts, shouting way too loud, even for a fight.
Well, it got the glasses off her face at least. But the Cajun is certainly not happy with the way she brushed the attack off. At least the two girls are fulfilling their contractual obligations--Jay feels no such compunction, drawing his right hand back into position--and launching another punch combination, one he's used to good effect before...
It's another right hook, then, only, he don't stop there--right hook transitions to right backhand, and then the residual momentum from that attack is placed, through the ball of his right foot, into a left hook.
It's a quick three-punch combination, one that flows quickly and smoothly from his body--and for added bonus, it makes that Apple logo on his jacket flash across the viewpoints of several camera angles. Just don't expect him to pull a Justin Long...
COMBATSYS: Ren blocks Sakura's Medium Kick EX.
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Ren 0/-------/-----==|=------\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/-------|
"Oh my god!!" Ren shrieks as Sakura hops her ring and flies at her, foot first. Almost instantly the girl brings her arms up, shielding her poor face from the blow of Sakura's boyish strength. It hits with a loud THWUMP, with enough force to send the young kunoichi staggering back from surprise and pain. Immediately she drops her arms, shaking them out.
"It hurts it hurts, oh god it hurts!"
But there's no time to rest, as Jayden keeps the tempo of the fight going. 'Inspired,' as it were, the girl rushes past Sakura and then rolls, snatching her abandoned ring in hand. Rolling back onto her feet, the demon hunter grins before she whips her arm back--before cutting the ring forward in a wide arc. From the steel crimson flames fan out, leaping at the PC-representative.
"ENNETSU!! --oh hey, look out!" she calls to her teammate, as well.
COMBATSYS: Jayden successfully hits Sakura with Strong Punch.
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Ren 0/-------/------=|===----\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Sakura interrupts Ennetsu from Ren with Shou'ou Ken.
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Ren 1/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/-------|
Sakura lands on her feet after popping Ren in the face, and for a moment, she's overcome by compassion when the young ninjette starts screaming about how it hurts. "Oh! Hey, are you okay? Because I didn't mean to, you know, I mean this is a fight so you have to UUUNNNGGGHH"
That last part, accompanied by a loud 'THOCK!' where Jayden's right fist connects with her cheek, blindsiding her because she wasn't paying attention. Two more punches follow, all to Sakura's face, and she staggers in a loose, egg-like circle. "I... w... wha...?"
Then: a surge of flame roars at her, summoned by Ren. Sakura doesn't think -- she just does it, reacting to the onslaught of the flame as if it were a human opponent. "AAAAH! SHOU'OU KEN!" she cries, determined not to be caught off guard again.
Unfortunately she kind of catches fire in the process, but the gust of wind her blow produces swings much of the flame /back/, toward Ren. Sakura, meanwhile, stops, drops, and rolls. "Ooh ooh hot hot!"
"OH MY GOOOOD!" shrieks Ren in surprise as Sakura--who she had PRESUMED was knocked into a daze by Jayden--comes RUNNING through her fire to punch her. She scrambles, arms flailing as she attempts to move away. But all is moot; Sakura's faster, and that fist punches her in the chin, launching the waif young kunoichi into the air.
She makes impressive air, at least!
So while Sakura is trying to put out fire, Ren goes falling like a bullet, hitting the ground with a heavy THUD. Coughing violently, the girl tries not to throw up in pain before she rolls to one side and shakily pushes back onto her feet.
"T-that totally hurt," she notes, supporting her weight on her steel ring. "I'm...g-gonna need a sec here, teammate. So just--" Making a HRRK the girl turns sharply away from the both of them as she nearly throws up. Yes, please give Ren some time.
COMBATSYS: Ren gains composure.
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Ren 0/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/-------|
Grim satisfaction, at the successful strike--it is but one in a long series of moves that will be necessary to pull this victory out. And Jayden fully intends to pull this victory out--even as he can tell that Sakura's not just some schoolgirl. She took the blows and still manage to react to Ren's incoming attack, bashing the girl with a powerful uppercut. Nasty.
"P'raps it's you who needs to be more careful," replies the ex-soldier, sardonically. Still, he manuevers around to be between Sakura and Ren. "Guess we be dancin' for a lil' while, cherie. Y' forgive me if I don' wanna two-step with y' for too long."
So saying, Jayden backsteps--then jolts forward, left fist drawing back... and then he fires another hook punch, aimed slightly downwards--from shoulder level down. As he punches, his fist is surrounded by a glowing aura of yellow-green, a power that Sakura might recognize from fighting other fighters... sonic chi. Only, this isn't like Charlie or Guile's--this leaves behind a nasty, nasty echo, if it hits...
COMBATSYS: Jayden successfully hits Sakura with Sonic Smash.
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Ren 0/-------/=======|======-\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/------=|
Sakura feels kind of bad for Ren, again, bust mostly she's concerned with how she just lit her own arm on fire like an idiot. "Ugh! Not falling for that again," she says. Then, when Jayden flings his sonic attack at her, she spins around and immediately tries to uppercut it, reflexively. "OH YEAH?! SHOU--AUGH!"
Having tried to punch sound and failed, Sakura is blasted right in the face, causing the boom to rattle around in her eardrums and make her clutch the sides of her head. "AAAAHHH!" she cries, collapsing to her knees. "YOU -- OH MY GOD I CAN'T EVEN HEAR WHAT I'M TRYING TO CALL YOU! THAT'S LIKE BEING MUTE, BUT IT'S WORSE, BECAUSE IT'S BEING DEAF /AND/ MUTE, LIKE HELEN KELLOGG!" As far as Sakura knows, this is the woman who overcame her handicaps to invent Frosted Flakes.
Leaping up and charging, Sakura attempts to hop into the air and wrap her arms around Jayden, taking a strong, tanned, man-like bicep and trying to throttle him with it. "AND SHE /ALREADY INVENTED/ FROSTED FLAKES SO IT'S NOT LIKE DEAF-MUTES CAN /DO/ ANYTHING NOW! AAAAUUUUGGHH!"
Somewhere, Sakura's schoolteacher has a stroke and doesn't know why.
"It's...okay guys. R-really...I think...I'm okay!"
Having prevented what could have been a socially disgraceful act of VOMITING in public, Ren shakily pulls herself back onto her feet. For the while, it seems that Jayden has successfully pulled Sakura's aggro, which works well for the young kunoichi. Lifting a hand to her chin, she cups it with a soft 'nyeh heh heh' as she observes. Sakura is distracted, so...
Breaking into a shaky dash, Ren LEAPS and flips midair, hoop spinning around and then coming down in a vicious slash. It doesn't end there, should it hit; she follows with two more slashes, one at hip level, the other at chest level before the young ninja-girl twists around and kicks Sakura IN THE CHIN and THROUGH HER HOOP before she rolls away.
COMBATSYS: Jayden endures Sakura's Sakura Strangle.
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Ren 0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\1 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/--=====|
Well, shit. Jayden was expecting this--but it's still not pleasant. He only tenses his throat--keeping Sakura from crushing his windpipe, although with her gorilla strength she's doing a good number on his muscles and giving him one hell of a twisted neck. Still, he bears up under it, managing not to choke out--though he doesn't trust his voice for a bit... no talking from him.
Finally, though, he breaks free, sucking in a wheezed breath--and as he breaks away from Sakura, he suddenly turns, and throws his right hand outwards, aiming a stiff-fingered, jabbing strike for her throat. Turnabout is fair play, isn't it? And he wants her to -choke on it-. Literally.
With Ren taking the offensive again as well, he's got hope that the two of them can outlast Sakura's potential to wreak utter havoc on her opponents...
COMBATSYS: Sakura dodges Ren's Araboshi.
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Ren 0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\1 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/---====|
COMBATSYS: Jayden successfully hits Sakura with Medium Punch.
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Ren 0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\1 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/---====|
Sakura thrashes out of the way of Ren's foot just as Jayden manages to break free from her attempt to treat him like Charlie Sheen treats his wife. She keeps yelling, wordlessly going "AAAUUUUUGGGHHHGGHH," mostly to tell when her hearing comes back by gauging how much she can hear her own shout. This is cut short, though, when Jayden whips around and socks her right in the throat.
"Gpckth!" Sakura gasps, clutching her neck. She sucks in breath through her nostrils like a horse, making gross choking sounds all the while.
Then she throws up. Right at Jayden.
Well damn it, Ren thinks. Today is NOT my day!
Rolling away as Jayden punches the hell out of Sakura right in the throat, she bounds back onto her feet and offers a mildly (but comically) annoyed look. Sakura is certainly FAST, and faster than she'd given her credit for. That means she has to ramp it up a bit and hope that Jayden can keep catching the girl off her guard.
So, with her legs pumping as quickly as can be, Ren leaps at Sakura, attempting to FLYING KICK her in the back as she pukes at Jayden, while crying "EWWWWWW!" in the process.
COMBATSYS: Jayden blocks Sakura's Thrown Object.
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Ren 0/-------/--=====|=======\=------\1 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/--=====|
Oh, now -that's- just sick. Literally sick. The Cajun gets his arms up, pushes Sakura away, avoiding the worst of it--but that hot splatter... ugh. "Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with you," he grates, in disgust--then thinks, well, shit. She's already hurled all over me, why not make it worse for her? Fuck this Mac vs. PC bullshit, he just /got puked on/. The gloves are off. Not literally, though. They will be off after this match literally.
For now, he fakes a high jab, then lunges forward, seeking to grab Sakura around the waist--a bearhug of sorts, though he won't be squeezing 'til he gets around her, then lifts her up and back in a picture-perfect German Suplex. It's hardly elegant, being a 'wrestling move', but infighting holds and throws are often useful at times like these... Besides, this way at least some of her sick gets put back on her.
COMBATSYS: Ren successfully hits Sakura with Light Kick.
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Ren 0/-------/--=====|=======\===----\1 Sakura
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Jayden 0/-------/---====|
COMBATSYS: Jayden successfully hits Sakura with German Suplex.
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Ren 0/-------/--=====|=======\=====--\1 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/---====|
Sakura is kicked as she pukes, which works a lot like when you burp a baby -- it just makes her puke more, and burp while she's doing it. By the time she's done, she feels awful, and gives Jayden a sort of apologetic look -- before she turns to the crowd. "...and you should buy PCs because MACS ARE COVERED IN PUKE BECAUSE THEY MAKE YOU VOMIT!" she cries, throwing her fists into the air.
This is just before Jayden grabs her around the waist and smashes her brain into the ground, of course. Not only does she get back some of what she put in, vomitus-wise, she also gets a compacted spine and the root of memory loss problems later in life. Rolling woozily to her feet, she looks from Jayden to Ren, raising her fists.
"Macs rule," Sakura croaks, confused. "I mean, wait, no, PCs rule. I... man, I bet you guys got free iPhones," she says, and this seems to bring her back to some semblance of reality. "You lucky JERK!" She tries to just straight up punch Ren in the nose.
COMBATSYS: Ren parries Sakura's Strong Punch!
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Ren 0/-------/-======|=======\=====--\1 Sakura
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Jayden 0/-------/---====|
Tag team effort!
Striking Sakura in the back, she more or less 'helps' Jayden by kicking the schoolgirl into his grasp. Meanwhile, Ren just bounds off, using Sakura's compacted spine as a springboard to aid her in flipping midair before she lands. When all is said and done, Sakura gets back up. "Damn," the girl whispers. "Why is she not staying down?" Brows furrow.
"Hey Ren!" a man calls, waving his arm. Distracted briefly, the girl doesn't seem to notice Sakura's cry to the audience before grouses about free iPhones. Meanwhile--
"Look, use this while you're fighting. Make a call or something! Here, catch!"
"What is it?!" Reaching out with grabby hands, Ren catches the small rectangular object.
"Oh my god it's a sweet PINK iPhone!!"
She brings it up to eye level. That's when she sees Sakura's fist coming. Ren ducks--but leaves her arms upright. What results is the phone getting punched so hard it EXPLODES in Ren's hands, causing the girl to let it go with yelp. She cries out with a "NO!!" before furrowing her brows SO TIGHT.
"Why'd you DO that!? I've been wanting one for so long, and...and..!!"
Leaping back in a FURIOUS RAGE, Ren's steel ring erupts with pink flames as she reels her arm back. "Unforgivable!" she cries, letting loose the flaming ring (heh heh) and sending it growling along the ground like some scary-assed buzzsaw. Aww, Ren looks like she's about to cry.
Uh oh. Now Sakura done it. He made the girl cry. That's no good. That's no good at all. No good for her, that is--Jay could care less. If losing the phone makes her enraged enough to take Sakura's head off, all the better for him. Having rolled away after the successful throwing technique, he pushes up onto his feet, still pretty hale and hearty for all that. Watching Ren avenge her iPhone, the ex-Forces member thinks about maybe just letting her have at it--but he's come this far.
"Might well see dis through to th' en', non?" he murmurs, to himself, tracking that spinning ring of buzzsaw flame. Having absolutely zero desire to get in on that action, Jay moves into a loping stride, before attempting a very strange kind of kick--hurling himself into a forward flip, he attempts to thrust kick Sakura in the head. It -almost- looks like Guile's famous 'crazy kick', only Jayden has to put his right hand down during the kick, to steady himself.
COMBATSYS: Ren successfully hits Sakura with Hanagumori EX.
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Ren 1/-------/=======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/----===|
COMBATSYS: Sakura fails to interrupt Fierce Kick from Jayden with Midare Zakura.
-* CRITICAL FAIL! *-
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Ren 1/-------/=======|====---\-------\0 Sakura
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Jayden 0/-------/---====|
COMBATSYS: Sakura can no longer fight.
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Ren 1/-------/=======|
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Jayden 0/-------/---====|
Sakura punches an iPhone and it explodes. "OW! CRAP!" Sakura yells, as she pulls back her hand, fingers full of iPhone shrapnel and bleeding. She looks up from this horrible wound in order to see an insane Ren send a flaming ring at her like Kung Lao.
"CRAP!" Sakura cries as it slams into her, causing her to both knock into the air and catch fire; she lands hard, on her ass. Then, Jayden comes in as she gets up. "CRAP!" Sakura calls as she sees his kick. Attempting to spin her way into a counterattack, Sakura comes up short.
"MIDAAAARRRREE--CRAP!" Sakura cries as her face is kicked in, causing her to spin off to one side and twirl on her way to the ground. She lands right on her father's discarded glasses, causing them to crunch into irreparable destruction under her toned form. "...craaa," Sakura mutters before passing out.
ELSEWHERE
Sakura's parents watch the fight on TV. "This is your side of the family," her father notes, squinting as he leans about two inches from the tv to see properly.
"Excuse me?!" Sakura's mother replies, indignant.
Log created on 21:04:02 01/11/2010 by Sakura, and last modified on 02:33:08 01/17/2010.