Description: Some people run for shelter. Some bravely stand and fight. Others pursue pettier self-serving causes. This is the story of two such people in Southtown's darkest hour, where the giant Chang is hungry and Todoh is as irritable about the world around him as ever. A glimpse into the world of the simple-minded in the face of a town that'll never be the same is offered within. (Also, spanking.)
Chang lumbers through the chaotic city, his big iron ball held up with one hand on his shoulder. "Huh huh huh, da da da, gotta find some food," Chang says to himself, looking for a grocery store or a restaurant that he can get some free grub at. He stops, suddenly, turning up to see the Todohkyogen Dojo's sign. "Dojo, huh? Maybe they got food there!" Chang exclaims excitedly. He hefts his ball up, then begins swinging it around by its chain, before smashing the door down.
Todohkyogen Dojo? Actually, there's been a whole lot of signs being plastered everywhere speaking the glory of the Todoh way. A lot of them, of course, being merely scribbled in sharpie over existing Kyokugen ads, because Ryuhaku has always been disrespectful to the time and money those fine (yech), dedicated (lol) martial artists have put in to spreading their (vile) style.
That he is concentrating on a building that has been abandoned since the war started and is unlikely to really attract anybody to see them until well after this seeming 'tourist season' boom makes this choice questionable, but this is Todoh.
The door goes down like a, well, door going down, shattering into wooden fragments all over with an equally exaggerated smoke cloud as the giant Korean blots out all the sunlight from outside. Todoh's backside is visible. He is also... not wearing very much, other than his trademark headband and not quite as trademark loincloth, putting finishing touches on scribbling over a Kyokugen ad.
"Yeh hah hah! When those rude tourists see my handiwork, they won't be able to help but fall in love with my gospel to them! I'll grab some students outta this yet!!"
Chang pulls the ball back up onto his shoulder, then steps inside. He blinks as he sees a half-naked Todoh hunched over something in the corner, talking to himself and giggling. "Uhhh...Hey you! Gimme some food, or I'll bash your brains in!" he bellows, his free hand stroking his great big beard. "And stop touching yourself, that's gross!"
"Eh?!" Oh, now he notices Chang and not right when he did something easily noticeable like breaking the door down?! The master(?)'s head turns to the heaviest man in the entire fighting world as he's putting the finishing touches on a sign once originally designed to be met at eye level by small children so that they may consider EXTREME KYOKUGEN MIGHT as an after-school hobby (no more, for Todoh has scribbled much like a naughty child over it with the power of a sharpie).
"You! Ooooooooh, I know you! You're Kaphwan's nephew or something!" Grr, how he'll never forget that the Kim family, unbeknownst to them, one time blocked his view of a particularly interesting match between individuals that for some reason he was really interested in watching.
The old man turns around, fist shaking with impotent rage.
"You come along with those tourists or what?! Visiting MY neck of the woods! This is Todoh Town, where he is mayor!!"
He actually did run for mayor once. He is the only candidate in history to have received zero votes, for he was so busy campaigning that he forgot to vote for himself.
Chang squints at Todoh. "Nephew? I'm not Kim's nephew! Kim is a stupid, stupid man!" He begins to walk towards Todoh, his footsteps rattling the dojo as he slowly approaches. "You're gonna give me some food, or I'm gonna make you pay, insect! Har har har!" he laughs, putting his free hand on his belly.
COMBATSYS: Chang has started a fight here.
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Chang 0/-------/-------|
"Why, yes he is!" Well, everyone is compared to the genius of Todoh himself, and his loving daughter, and his loving wife, and his devoted students that are not at all random people who came up off the street that he now sometimes asks to do random petty things for his own amusement. But hey, it seems the two are really off to a good start, now isn't it? They have something in common!
The place is hardly a dojo. This looks like the lobby for some kind of shady upscale hair salon, or something of the sort. It might be a safe assumption from the bottles of pretentiously overpriced hair care products lining the shelves. Either way, neither man really belongs in here. The same can be said about any place when it involves Todoh.
Standing all the way up with hands on his hips and a sour expression on his face (when doesn't he, really), the old man sizes up the 'nephew.' No giant man can deter Ryuhaku's egotistical, delusional feelings about himself and the world around him.
"Giving me threats?! Why, I'll put you over my knee!" Um... is that even physically possible? LOOK AT HIM. Of course, this is a man who has been known to jump out of grocery freezers for no good reason. "Spank some manners into you and I'll show that Kim guy how to properly raise a nephew!!"
A dramatic waving of a finger! "Then I'll re-educate you properly in the ways of Todoh!" Is Chang going to stand for re-education of any kind? Would Ryuhaku Todoh be any more benevolent a master than the Kim family?! Maybe it's best not to find out.
COMBATSYS: Todoh has joined the fight here.
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Todoh 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Chang
Chang Koehan squints at Ryuhaku as he waves his finger at the big man. "Re-educate /me/? You're just like Kim! ENOUGH TALK! It's clobberfyin' time!" He swings his iron ball around him in a wide arc, aimed to catch Todoh from the flank and knock him off his feet. "You're in for it now! Har har har!"
COMBATSYS: Chang successfully hits Todoh with Revolving Iron Ball.
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Todoh 0/-------/-----==|=------\-------\0 Chang
When you squint at Todoh, Todoh squints back. Actually, he squints at pretty much anything he has cause to (or no cause to), because it's part of what makes him seem more knowledgeable of what's going on in comparison to, um... what he actually is. "Hah!! I could take two of you back to back, boy!"
He demonstrates by crouching at just about every pass of the ball. "Hah! Simple! Why, I could just stand straight up and it'd go over my head with your inferior, poorly-conceived technique!" And, foolishly, he does so as he stands straight up when the revolving iron ball makes the last pass. "See?"
That's when the ball collides up against his skull, the opposite eye bugging out as saliva and a little blood flies out of his mouth to splatter the dirtied, abandoned floor as he goes careening into a shelf of shampoo bottles. The good news is, these are in plastic bottles. It is merely loud (and colorful) as they collapse all around him into a messy pile of things that will promote healthy hair! (Hair is dead, by the way.)
Rising from the pile with a gigantic bruise on the right side of his face, Ryuhaku's eyes turn red enough to qualify for being a Clearsil commercial subject, shaking with impotent rage as saliva drops from his mouth. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
"PESKY FOREIGNERS!!" He cries from the bottom of his lungs so loud the street outside, if there's any passer-bys, may be able to hear it. "No manners! No manners at all! Kaphwan hasn't taught you a thing!" He stomps up to the burly Chang, a man that most would be better served, um... running... away from.
At which point his left hand snaps up for Chang's ear to pull him down to level, if he so allows such a demeaning, disrespectful thing to happen. "Are you even listening?! I'm giving you the best offer of your life, boy!"
...
COMBATSYS: Chang fails to interrupt Medium Throw from Todoh with Tekkyuu Hien Zan.
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Todoh 0/-------/----===|====---\-------\0 Chang
Chang scoffs down at Todoh. Then, he gets grabbed by the ear, and is pulled down to Todoh's level. "Owwww! Leggo, leggo, that hurts!" he whines, his feet stomping on the floor in pain as he's berated like a young schoolboy.
"Ohhhh, now you whine. Harrumph! Thought I'd stand and let you be all, 'oooooh, I'm the nephew of some kicking loonie, I can hit respectful old men who contribute valuable things to society and be a paragon of all that is good for the world and not get a beating!'"
Huff. Huff. Huff. Chang's feet stomping shake the entire store, knocking over several other bottles and even a chair. Hell, if he kept that up it may very well be within the realm of possibility that he bring the floor down underneath him. But Todoh's old knees hold up quite well, as though the movements of the world as it spins around the sun - and other concerns of earth movement like an absolute giant - are well below one of his stature.
"Well, bucko! You got somethin' else coming to you!!" That's when Todoh attempts the completely unthinkable, trying to bend a far larger, physically stronger man down over his knee. "This is gonna hurt me a lot more than it hurts you!" And, actually, it might, because do you know what it's like having someone that's almost seven hundreed pounds on one's knee? Do you?
Pushing down hard on Chang's back if he lets him with one hand, he draws back the other within the limits of how far he can stretch it out, preparing to line up not a series, but one, single palm to Chang's backside.
Someone has to teach Kim's 'nephew' some discipline, and in absentia of someone who at least /means/ well in his mission of reformation...
COMBATSYS: Todoh successfully hits Chang with Fierce Combo.
-**- LUNATIC HIT!! -**-
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Todoh 0/-------/---====|=======\====---\1 Chang
Chang gets bent over Todoh's knee, and lets out a howl at the particularly strong blow to the backside. "Yowwwwww! THAT HURTS!" he cries, pulling away from Todoh. "I'm gonna crush ya!" he cries, sticking out his belly and bouncing forward into Todoh, attempting to slam him into the wall.
COMBATSYS: Todoh counters Reckless Run from Chang with Kuzu Otoshi.
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Todoh 0/-------/------=|=====--\-------\0 Chang
He has to let Chang get off his knee after that mighty, righteous disciplining that only crotchety old men can deliver, grunting as he comes back up to a stand as he favors the knee that, oh, didn't have to BEAR THE WEIGHT OF SOMEONE SEVEN HUNDRED POUNDS and you know, that's not as easy as it looks. There is a bruise on his thigh from where the chains around Chang's body pressed down into his leg, nearly cutting off circulation entirely.
"Heavy, too." No duh! "What does Kaphwan even feed you?! Why, when I was your age," um, you're this heavy set 15-year old, right? Right? The statement falls apart pretty handily otherwise. "My dad would yell at me if I even had sweets!! Why, if I was one pound overweight he'd do this!"
The old(er) man claps his hands above his head as a means of centering himself. But, in this instance, it is just to demonstrate a very loud, horrible 'smack' that makes a glass shampoo container nearby explode outright. It is a very loud clap. A clap of supreme focus!
"And then... and then... he'd do something like this!" Chang's belly comes in. Todoh's stance tightens up, one arm toward, one arm cocked back as he somehow feels into the fat and all the weight Chang puts behind it, lifting the giant man (and his ball) over his head!
This is a difficult feat. His knees buckle. Floorboards start to crack under the old martial arts master(?). Sweat runs down his brow. "And... and then... and theeeeeeen," he strains to say as he falls to a kneel, the strength in his legs beginning to give in. Moments way from being crushed outright, he slams Chang into the floor nearby. /Everything/ jumps and falls over under the weight of a nearly seven hundred pound man (plus ball which is almost assuredly as much) slamming into the ground so solidly.
Panting and sweating profusely at such an exertion of effort, Ryuhaku's voice goes dry and strained. "And... theeeeeeen," he balls up his left hand into a fist and throws it somewhere indiscriminately into the mass of fat. It is an underwhelming punch in comparison to the practical miracle of even being able to catch, hold, and slam Chang, but Todoh tries to brush off this seeming lack of punch with a loud, obnoxious "POW!"
He remains kneeling. "And that's why... that's why... I'm not overweight!! You get me?!"
On Chang's end, there's a bottle of scented body wash nearby that proudly proclaims it has a banana/coconut scent. Maybe it is edible?
Chang gets lifted up in blind shock, flailing his arms and legs, before he gets slammed into the floor with a crack of cement and tile. He climbs up to his feet, stumbling back and forth. "I'm not fat...I'm just really, really big boned!" He swings his ball around from above, sending the ball down at Todoh's head.
COMBATSYS: Chang can no longer fight.
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Todoh 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Todoh fails to interrupt Iron Ball Smash from Chang with Kasane Ate.
- Unbelievable Failure! -
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Todoh 0/-------/-======|
"You're fat! Fatty! Fat fat!" This has devolved very quickly from mistaken ages to schoolyard insults as Todoh waggles his finger with pretty much every instance of 'fat' as Chang swings his ball around above his head. The sort of indication to, you know, ordinary, sensible people to RUN AWAY and not look back. But not Ryuhaku Todoh, no, he's had it up to here with Kaphwan Kim's 'nephew' and by golly the next time he ever sees him face to face he's gonna give it to him!! (...He has a lot of things to give, and love is not one of them.)
"Yeh hah hah! I'll work you over! I'll make you a new man, once you witness the miracle of the Todoh way!" His arms go up into the air, grasping for what is not there save for a light that comes from the very heavens themselves (...indoors?), three orange-ish yellow blocks of chi that stick together like triplets of terror, ready to descend unto the unworthy earth to do the bidding of his master!!
Then the ball slams into those three blocks of chi and, in what can only be the finest example of slapstick humor in these unfunny times, slaps all three segments together into one big blob against Todoh's face like a chi-cream pie in a giant iron ball baking tin, blood and an indecipherable curse of possibly eldritch origins as he is sent hurtling through a case of some of the most expensive shampoo imaginable.
Glass is everywhere! Plastic bottles of shampoo fill the air, scattering all over the abandoned parlor like coins from a destroyed piggy bank. Many of them proudly display fruit on their bottles, talking about what their fragrance consists of in multiple languages (in case the fruit alone doesn't fall under whatever reading comprehension level Chang is at).
"Geeeeeeeeeehhhh." Little Kasane Ates form and descend visibly around Todoh's head as he lies with a smashed nose and a ball-shaped imprint on his face, slowly sinking into the pile. If there's any good time to run like hell, my friend, now is it - and hey, free candy(?).
Log created on 10:18:28 04/14/2009 by Todoh, and last modified on 16:37:40 04/14/2009.