Description: Sada/Poison/C-Alan -- Sada wins?! Was there any doubt. WATCH FOR boobs and Alan's amazing dong parry. (Winner: Sada)
Geese's ballroom is hop-hop-hoppin' with the biggest and hottest names in the business world today! Over there, sampling the cheese sauces, is That One Guy with the Stuff. Look, there's The Chick What Sells the Phone Things talking with The Old Guy At the Top! The Dude In The Nice Suit, meanwhile, is glaring angrily after a guy who just doesn't give a shit, but doesn't dare say anything, because his powers are all in buying and selling and firing and not at all in crackling with lightning all over his body.
Alan R. B. has liberated the entire caviar sampler tray from the hors d'ourves table, along with a truly prodigious stack of breads and crackers, and has spirited it away to his judge's table, sitting just inside the partitioned BATTLE ZONE. You can tell it's a judge's table because of the gavel and 'JUDGE'S TABLE' emblazoned along the cloth.
The boxer sits, spreads caviar across a crisp biscotti, and waits for the fighters/ad ladies(?) to arrive. He even manages to be a douchebag doing that, leaning back in his chair, one boot up on the table, smirking with self-importance as he indulges.
Poison knew going in that Alan R. B. would be the judge. She asked around the seedy underbelly of the fighting world -- you know, the people who might have more of a clue about Alan -- and learned what she could. It's not the Mad Gear way to go into a fight fairly, after all. And thus Poison's initial 'shock and awe' campaign was decided upon, as she enters the BATTLE ZONE, drawing more than a few looks.
You see, instead of her trademark barely-there wifebeater, Poison has opted to wear a length of yellow caution tape over her chest, with the 'CAUTION' warnings replaced by Boost Mobile logos. Its stance on her body is precarious, and it seems that only her nipples are keeping it in place.
However, because Poison is also wearing a little belt-loop-clipped holster for her Boost Mobile phone, the net effect is that she's actually wearing /more/ than she typically does. The irony is lost on her as she adjusts her Nazi hat.
Sada knew Alan R.B. from the field of battle. The field of battle where, even as a weaker, puling little sophomore, she was able to crush his balls. And now - now she's a junior. It's almost a shame, she has thought, that he is merely the "judge," or this would be truly easy.
Sada kept to her long-skirted sukeban image, although the blouse has been replaced with something carrying the Verizon logo (and some kind of inspirational slogan in Japanese squiggles) on the back. There is school pride, and then there is 'bonus advertising pay'. She also has the kusarigama thrown around her waist like a sash, so it jingles aggressively as she walks. Four telephones have been bound with the securest Goro Glue money can buy: a Verizon Blackberry, a shiny iPhone, and some kind of low-end Boost and Virgin shitbaskets.
She looks sullen, but that may be part of her appeal as well. As she approaches the battle zone, her eyes narrow to thin slits, managing to become /even squintier/, as her arms fold beneath the vaguely low-cut uniform top.
"I see that the 'call for booty,'" she says after a meditative second, "has someone to answer."
Alan is not the type to hold grudges unless you make him lose a lot of money. Like, a hell of a lot. Sure, you hit him in the balls, like, repeatedly - there was even a gong. But hey, it was just a fight with a regular purse. He'll get over it. And seems to have, given the wink he throws her way as he lifts his boot with a flourish, rising up from his seat.
The boxer rubs his hands together, skin crackling like one of those electric balls that you touch with the stuff, and gives Poison a quite unhidden look up and down. The terrible truth is unknown to him, you see. "Ha ha! Did shirts kill your family? I'm just bustin', keep on being nude, babe." He claps his hands, which quite naturally causes a small crash of thunder. "Alright, you rich sons of bitches! You're here because you want to know who to throw your money at! And what better thing to personify giant communication entities than a pair of fine ladies, one of which is basically already naked, and one of which that can be later if she plays her cards right." Brief fingergun to Sada. "And, of course, you can throw money directly at them if you feel like it, maybe they'll give us an even better show than the one we've already got lined up."
He shoves the rest of his biscotti into his mouth, prompting a gourmand to gasp at the sheer consumption of the precious caviar, and continues to talk with his mouth full. "Technically, I guess I'm judging this shit. Well, whatever, I'm getting paid no matter what happens here, which is always a great position to be in. Mostly I'm just going to call these bitches out for every stupid-ass thing that manages to slip out of their mouths, because that's how I roll. We clear? We good? Alright!" Alan leans down, grinning as he flips the gavel up into his hand, twirling it around his finger. He himself has not altered his dress at all for this event. He must be impartial. "Advertise!"
GAVEL
COMBATSYS: Alan has started a fight here.
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Alan 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Poison has joined the fight here.
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Alan 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Poison
COMBATSYS: Sada has joined the fight here.
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Poison 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/-------|
Poison preens and struts as Alan talks, her body language all but screaming at him -- and the various rich folk -- to look. She has a cocky smirk on her face as she regards Sada, even giving the girl's joke a little muted chuckle. "I get it," she says, looking over Sada from toes on up, "You're going for that 'appeals to mom and dad' kind of look for this. Retro. Kitschy. Not bad."
Poison then takes out her Boost Mobile cell phone. "Well, I mean, not a bad plan if all you want to attract are old people -- no offense, guys," she says, winking at some old guy so hard his wife smacks him. "But Boost Mobile is the choice of the future. There are millions of young, hip Japanese kids -- picture this girl," Poison says, waving a hand at Sada, "only, you know, cooler and more attractive and with faces that don't scream 'lower middle class' like hers does -- those kids carry Boost Mobile. Those are the ones you want in your company's clientele. Those ones are the ones that'll carry you through these hard times -- even when these troubled economic circumstances might leave you walking away with, y'know, a black eye."
As she finishes that sentence, Poison suddenly spins, lunging at Sada with a right hook to the eye! "Know what I mean?"
COMBATSYS: Poison successfully hits Sada with Quick Strike.
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Poison 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/-------|
Sada tries to pull back - too slow! The blow hits her in the face, making her produce a distinct and almost lyrical 'ngh!' as her head tilts back, the rest of her body following in subtle ways. It's not enough to knock her down, unfortunately, and afterwards, she even snorts.
She unlaces the chain around her waist as she says aloud, "The choice of the future... You're kidding, of course. You think so poorly of the young and the desperate that you sell them overpriced, shoddy goods and act like you're doing them a FAVOR!"
The kusarigama hangs free, and she hoists up the weight on the end for public view. "Let's compare," she says, twirling it around so that the Boost Mobile phone faces outwards. "First, let's see how THIS does -"
She whips around then, slamming the vaguely-leather-wrapped lead weight at the top of Poison's Nazi hat, phone first. "When it hits a hard target!!"
Alan makes a sandwich with designer Ritz and fish eggs, gluttonously shoving the entire thing in his mouth as a fat man quakes with jiggly fury. The sound of his folds jostling each other is like a truck passing by on the road, only... fleshy.
"Judgement time... what kind of pitch is it to point out the flaws in the other advertisement? Sell that thing on its own merits, babe!" Alan thumps his boot onto the table once, surges up... and forward, flickering through the air to stop right by Sada, elbow slowly sweeping for her face. "Let's see some words on that--- whichever it is, I didn't read /that/ closely." Alan drums Sada on the forehead, and passes by back to his own seat.
COMBATSYS: Sada successfully hits Poison with Medium Strike.
- Power hit! -
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Poison 0/-------/--=====|=------\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/-------|
"GA-AAAHH!" Poison howls as the phone clonks her right in the head. "You -- /bitch/!" Poison says, her hat falling to the floor, hand coming up to clutch the top of her pink-haired head. "That kind of overbearing holier-than-thou sanctimoniousness represents everything Boost Mobile is against!" Well, probably not, but Poison got as far as 'free phone' in the materials the company forwarded to her.
"Boost Mobile is about having fun and being alive -- being a /winner/!" To wit, Poison attempts to grab Sada by the hair and teach her how to kiss a knee lift. "Just ask the Boost Mobile Step Squad--!" As Poison attempts to knee Sada in the teeth, a group of people in Boost Mobile-flavored 'urban' outfits run out, and do a poorly choreographed, kind of scary step routine.
This is because, with no one to find on such short notice, Poison recruited this step squad from high schoolers she sells drugs to.
COMBATSYS: Alan successfully hits Sada with Light Punch.
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Poison 0/-------/----===|====---\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Sada blocks Poison's Faceplanter.
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Poison 0/-------/---====|====---\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/-------|
The whack on her forehead makes Sada's ears ring! The grimace on her face may please a certain subsection of the audience as she breathes in deeply, taking a step back - just as Poison grabs her hair and slams her towards a knee! Sada's arm comes up to absorb that blow instead of her teeth, and after wresting herself loose and spitting some blood onto the ground, she looks at -
Her eyes widen. "Sataki??" she says accusingly at one of the step team members.
Sada tosses her hair back. "Feh!" she says aloud, brandishing her kama again. "Fun - alive - Verizon is about REAL utility!" She thinks. "Not only does our new base model provide you with dozens of useful features -- but our access network is even more wide-spread than -"
The belated twinge of Alan's /electrifying/ touch cuts her off with a "ghk," and instead of trying to recover her statement, she concludes it with action, not words! As she takes one step back, she spins the weighted end back, shedding fragments of Boost Mobile plastic, before the iPhone-side is spun around and upwards, aiming to smash at Poison's -- inner thigh, yes, that's where she's aiming.
Alan pauses by his table just long enough to get another snack, and veers around to move for Poison. "Dancing! We were doing just fine without dancing! Dancing is the lowest form of advertising!" Completely unaware of whatever weird fetish Sada is metatalking about now, Alan's fist comes out for Poison's midsection, clipping her as he speeds past and back around.
Sumbitch can run.
COMBATSYS: Poison blocks Sada's Spinning The Kusari.
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Poison 0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Alan successfully hits Poison with Medium Punch.
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Poison 0/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/------=|
Poison swings her hand down to slap away the phone, but ow, it still hurts, making a 'crack' noise as it smacks into Poison's wrist. Poison hisses in pain -- and then is punched in the stomach by Alan, causing the dance routine to stop while Poison catches her breath.
"Sorry," Sataki says to Sada, before the Boost Mobile Step Squad shuffles off.
"Hurf," Poison says to everyone, recovering. "I'm sorry," she says, wheezing and coughing but trying to pretend she wasn't just punched precariously close to the solar plexus. "That /phone attack/ of yours must have had /no bars/." Poison is back up, adjusting her tape now -- it came a little loose. "But that's something Boost Mobile never has to worry about -- you're never going to hear a /Boost Mobile/ user saying, 'Can you hear me now?!'"
Poison withdraws her phone again, dashing toward Sada -- "All you hear is the /chirp/ --" She attempts to smack the phone into Sada's ear with a cupped hand, hard enough to possibly temporarily damage hearing -- "WHERE YOU AT, DOGG?!"
COMBATSYS: Sada counters Bitchslap from Poison with Asai Harvester.
- Power hit! -
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Poison 1/-----==/=======|=======\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/------=|
Alan is busy! Good, Sada thinks, even as Poison does some kind of limp-wristed girly dance to avoid being brutally struck with the weight behind the phone. Sada smiles, perhaps pleased at the pain. She makes a dismissive gesture at Sataki; they'll talk later.
Her eyes narrow as she says, warmly, "Oh, I am sorry, because do you know what you will usually hear a Boost Mobile user saying?!" She shifts back on her left heel, waiting as Poison comes in - and then grabbing her wrist with the not-that-sharp kama, twisting around to kick her legs out from under her and follow up with a vicious slice down the middle of the torso! This is not something Sada has thought out in advance.
"NOTHING!" she shouts, before letting out a cackle. "Because unlike the highly reliable Verizon wireless network throughout five continents, Boost Mobile will drop you! Constantly! Even when you call your sick grandmother!"
And then, Alan is behind Sada, already tilting forward, electricity swirling around his heel. "Nobody wants to think about sick grammas when they're shopping for phones! I hear somethin' like that, I'm just going to get a /TracFone!/ Nobody wins!"
He flips forward, his heel crashing down at the back of Sada's head - once, twice, three times?! "Ring! Of! Thunder!"
Sada cut Poison's tape.
This may or may not help Poison's case, but even so, she's not fazed, although half of this SNF may thus get Geese sued by the FCC or whatever those jerks in Japan have.
Poison, meanwhile, doesn't even think to cover up, because she's got this great big stinging cut on her her torso that oozes blood and oh god it's so gross. "Yeah," Poison says, echoing Alan. "Besides, who needs to /hear/ when you have such a good rate on /unlimited texting/?!" Poison twiddles her thumbs on the phone, typing out a text message as she approaches Sada.
Sada's phone plays the 'new message' tone, bearing the news: SUCK ON THIS YOU CUNand the rest is totally inappropriate for a /family/ SNF, moreso than Poison's nudity.
Speaking of, she's in the process of attempting to grab Sada in a front headlock, hook the leg, and lift her in a suplex -- so she can swing her back down onto Poison's outstretched and kneeling knee.
COMBATSYS: Sada blocks Alan's Ring of Thunder.
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Poison 0/-------/------=|=======\-------\1 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Poison successfully hits Sada with Ulcer Driver.
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Poison 0/-------/------=|=======\===----\1 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/------=|
God! Always with her head! Sada is repeatedly struck there, rolling with it enough that she ends up getting hit on the /upper back/ at least once, sending a soothing chiropractic adjustment through her body along with the agonizing electricity!
She straightens afterwards, glancing foolishly at her telephone as it chimes. And then she is suddenly grasped, lifted, raised - and struck onto that creatively positioned knee! "Ghk!!" she cries out, the chain trailing behind her clattering as it falls to the ground at Poison's feet a moment before Sada herself hits the arena surface hard enough to make Alan's dishware rattle.
"Hnh," Sada says from the ground, opening one eye. "Texting... ha ha ha! Our plans are far more flexible - Select for whatever you need! Not the same old stunt, over and over!" Sada inwardly curses herself for not having watched more commercials. Then she yanks on both ends of the kusarigama.
The chains which had been rattling at Poison's feet suddenly leap upwards, much like Sada herself does! She lets out an unpleasant cackle as the chains aim to tighten around Poison's legs and then run with uncomfortable tightness up: "See, how you cannot escape the bounds of an excellent, well-developed network of signalling installations!" And then Sada pulls even tighter for a moment, before bending backwards and yanking with inexplicable force, hopefully to send Poison arcing up over her head and slamming over into...
The judge's table?!
Th-the caviar! Alan is forced to scramble back in order to rescue his tasty treats - imagine his displeasure when he forgets his own speed, scattering fish eggs everywhere. With a last anguished howl, the fat gourmand heaves his flapping, surging bulk onto the ballroom arena, a slice of bread in each hand, desperately salvaging what he can, thrashing on the floor like a pile of jelly. Alan gives him a horrified look, and therefore loses the chance to catch Poison's probably-not-that-appetizing-in-the-long-run tranny titties, as an SNF official (with Pas Patrol stamped on his jacket) comes bursting out of nowhere, efficiently pulling a t-shirt over her head and vanishing back into the crowd. It's kind of amazing.
Alan does a double-take when he looks back. "Aw, man, a topless shot and I didn't even get a look at it? You should have waited, babe!" Without waiting for a response, or even saying anything about the advertising--!!, Alan flings his now empty caviar platter into the melee, probably hitting someone in there /somewhere./
COMBATSYS: Sada successfully hits Poison with Avenging Anegawa.
~ Cruel hit! ~
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Poison 1/------=/=======|===----\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Poison blocks Alan's Thrown Object.
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Poison 1/-----==/=======|===----\-------\0 Sada
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Alan 0/-------/------=|
Poison is launched into the air -- the t-shirt is actually placed on her mid-sail, somehow, which is the really cool part -- and smashes through Alan's table. She lays in it in a heap, splayed awkwardly, possibly having dislocated something. The thrown caviar then splocks onto her face disrespectfully as she lays, but she immediately wipes it off.
"But... with... Boost Mobile..." she groans, crawling to her feet, clutching her knife in one hand and her phone in the other, "...pay as you go rate... only... ten cents a minute... affordable... for... whole... family..." Poison then, as a possibly final, definitely symbolic gesture, throws her knife, attempting to spear Sada's phone.
Spear it to her shoulder, that is.
COMBATSYS: Poison can no longer fight.
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Alan 0/-------/------=|===----\-------\0 Sada
COMBATSYS: Sada dodges Poison's Cheap Shot.
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Alan 0/-------/------=|===----\-------\0 Sada
"Hah!" Sada shouts as the knife is thrown towards her phown - phone - whipping it back at the last moment, grasping the kusarigama's heavy end and wiggling the Verizon Blackberry free as she sees Poison stagger and fall down, face glistening with the salted fertility of sea animals.
She picks up the phone, dialing carefully with her thumb, and pushes the send button. She waits as Poison's own phone rings, patiently.
Poison lays on the ground, unconscious.
After some ringing: "Sup, it's P, leave a message, kay?"
Sada smiles as she turns to look at the cameras, saying in her perfect Kyoto-style Japanese, "<Can you hear me now?>" And then she smiles, the traditional shit-eating Japanese schoolgirl grin, and flashes a V-sign at the cameras.
The fake happy goes away a moment later as she hangs up, and /then/ she cackles.
Hopefully that part won't go on the ads.
Or will it??
Alan clucks his tongue, and the fight ends. He surveys the wreckage of Poison's outfit, Sada's horrible Japanese schoolgirl antics, the fat man thrashing in a pile of crackers and fish eggs. He lets out a tremendous yawn as he abruptly stops his circuit of the arena. "Well, there you go, you rich sons of bitches, Verizon has shown itself to be the far more persistant choice for your fat, greasy dollars." Alan steps right onto the fat man as he walks toward Sada, presumably to congratulate her... or so you may presume if you don't know Alan at all.
If you do, it's not surprising when his congratulation includes attempting to clamp a hand on Sada's hindquarters, favoring her with a truly cocky smirk. "You want to generate some extra revenue?"
A grey-haired matron in the crowd is absolutely /scandalized./ The grey-haired matron next to her, however, smiles and chews on her lip in wrinkly lust.
Meanwhile, Verizon execs are already splicing Sada's last bit into every single one of their ads, as an endnote. Whoops.
Sada's eyes gleam.
"You mean," she answers Alan as she whirls around, raising the kama up high like a glittering bladed weapon of terrifying womynly revenge, "LIKE THIS??" And then, down it goes --
Credit roll??
COMBATSYS: Alan parries Sada's Shinryukan Correction!
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Alan 0/-------/-----==|===----\-------\0 Sada
Alan's other hand drops as the kama comes up, the boxer having attained a new level of danger awareness. He catches the kama's swinging hilt, so tenderly over Sada's hand, and brings up one boot to plant on the side of the blade and push it over. He backflips away, vanishing into the crowd with a glorious, "Next time, then, babe!" because Alan does not understand the concept of rejection.
Log created on 19:04:42 12/07/2008 by Sada, and last modified on 18:14:36 12/23/2008.