Description: Stunning violence! Pás, in the midst of being a terrible skank, is suddenly struck down by Skank Hunter Dan Hibiki! Can Dan resist the powers of Pás' lack of a shirt?! Will Pás claim the Hibiki dojo as property of Pacific Resistance and cover it with Christian Bale posters?! And what role does the mysterious totally-not-the-wife-of-Geese Mao Shihong have to play in this dangerous debacle?! The answers lie inside, in this thrilling chapter of SATURDAY NIGHT FIGHT: SKANK HUNTER DAN!! ( Draw Match )
The Hibiki Dojo, looking the nicest it's ever looked in, well, pretty much for-goddamned-ever. The tatami mats sparkle with a sheen of sparkly cleanlyness while the dust that would normally be in that woefully empty trophy case has been busted by a team of no less than Egon, Winston, Ray, and Peter. That's right, the Dustbusters. Shut up. Who's telling this story? Anyways.
In the middle of the Dojo stands a man. No, more than a man. An ultra magical man. The kind of man that people just want to reach out and touch sometimes. Like a shiny golden god he stands in the center of his dojo, holding a large microphone provided so cheerfully by the Howard television affiliates.
What, I didn't mention those guys? Oh yeah, let me go back and fix that. Dan Hibiki, holder of the mystical mic that magically modulates his mouthnoises, he got it because tonight is a very special night for him. Tonight is his egress from retirement. In fact it seems he's learned something from Duck King and the Hip Hop Honey, because he starts the night off right. FREESTYLIN'
"Yo, don't call it a come back / ain't never left still on the attack/ Fightin' styles that are whack/ they're gonna fall to my awesome...uh...attack. I... / Uh / uh / One two/ one two. / One two / One two/ "
Mysteriously Dan's mic is cut. Nuts. Ah well, at least he tried.
It really hasn't been Pás' week. Preston's missing, his asshole father is in town, Marisol got her arm broken, she herself is walking injured, and on top of that, Saturday Night Fight called, asking for a Pacific Resistance member. While Marisol turned this week down instead to continue searching for Preston, the rest of the team decided Pás attend her invitation and keep up the team's public face.
The Brazilian's heart, tonight, is not even close to being in it. But if Pás has a talent aside from those famous legs of hers, it's looking like she doesn't give a damn.
And that's how she enters the Hibiki dojo, her stride lazy, her eyes hooded, her plush lips crookedly grinning, and her infamous body doing its thing -- that is wearing as little as possible. Wearing a teensy pair of low-riding cutoffs, a brace on her left knee, and a stringy bikini top that reads, 'SCOOPS!', the girl comes to a very distinct, declaratory stop when she reaches the middle of the dojo, her hands stamped onto her hips. Several rolled up posters appear to be carried in under one of her arms.
Narrowing her eyes, tonguing her top lip, Pás makes a considering sound as she tilts back her head and gives the Hibiki Dojo a damn good look, top to bottom, appraising every last inch of it. She nods. She seems to approve.
"Hummm. This will be jes nice. This is perfections."
And, oblivious of Dan, Pás reaches to unroll the poster. In one deft movement, she pulls a wall tack magically from her bikini top and uses it to nail the poster to one of the dojo's walls.
It's a gigantic picture of Christian Bale.
"Marisolas and I will like it here!"
"And that's when I told him to fuck off! Ha ha ha ha!"
While Pás currently makes Hibiki Dojo her and this 'Marisolas'' new home, and while Dan cuts some 'phat beats and rhymes' or whatever the hell he's doing with a microphone, a lanky, leggy Asian woman dressed predominately in black enters the dojo. The last of the SNF crew are setting up, positioning cameras and audio equipment in preparation of the impending fight to be, of which this woman has the pleasure of attending. Do either of the fighters know who she is?
"Aww, that's nasty. I don't want to hear about your wild night in graphic detail, Sam. Keep a lid on that shit. Seriously."
Whether or not the fighters are getting ready to beat each other's asses or just talk or hang wall posters of Christian Bale--a wonderful choice, the woman silently decides. Thumbs UP, Pás!--the lanky woman just walks to one half of the room, where the SNF director sits. Black eyes survey the man in his seat, who gives her a suspicious look. He begins to say something...
But the woman cuts him short by kicking the director's chair out from under him. He collapses in a heap, to which three people--one intern and two gofer's--immediately gather and try to help the man to his feet. The director shakes a comically angry fist at the woman. But she can't hear him. Instead, she drags the chair and continues talking on her Bluetooth earpiece.
"No way, are you serious? When? ...why? Do tell, now!"
With the chair sitting off to one side, the Asian woman narrows her eyes, looking between both Dan and the mysterious Pás. Rouge lips purse tightly, a pensive expression on her face before she cuts a sharp laugh.
"What WON'T you do!?
Clearly this 'Chaos Agent' has another agenda, and it doesn't seem to involve Chaos Agent...ing."
Wait, what?! That's pretty much the expression on Dan's face as this girl this little chiquita banana just comes on in like she owns the place. He hands the mic over to one of those nebulous howard guys before pointing at Pas, "YOU. THERE! YOU!"
He raises his pointing hand, and then snaps his index finger and thumb together with a loud percussive 'crack', "This is not a hostel for touristas, baristas, or any kind of -istas you can think of. This is a Dojo and there's definitely no room for that guy there in a house of serious martial arts. You can't possibly be my opponent for ye old ESS ENN EFF, you're still in highschool. Damn it, they just keep dissin' Saikyo with these little babies."
Dan just keeps talking and talking so much that eventually the words start to blend together in a stream of what could only be regarded as saikyobabble. As he continues talking, with words that don't really seem to mean anything even when paid attention to, his hands gesticulate wildly and whatever motions those are they're extremely convincing. He's certainly proving a point here. God knows what that point is.
He stops for a moment as Shihong walks through the door, looking at her quizically. He clearly doesn't remember the part of the contract about the Chaos agent. His blank, dull gaze locked on the woman as she makes it all the way over to the director's chair and knocks the director right out of it.
One hand goes up and rubs his neck, "Huh, okay weird. Looks like my Dojo is a magnet for crazies or somethin. ANYWAYS, YOU," once again his finger turns on Pas, "Like Moses said unto pharoah... o/~Let my wallspace, goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~ o/~"
It doesn't take Pás long to decide that she really likes Shihong. The lady's strange entrance earns a curious glance from the Brazilian girl, who is unable to smother down her quirked half-grin.
Then she returns to the verbal tsunami that is Dan Hibiki. As he approaches and yells, she can only beam very innocently, but as it goes on and on, and looks pretty much like how she's going to be spending the rest of her night, the Brazilian just tilts her head. She peeks up at him, almost like a foreigner would, who just can't seem to understand. Then she tilts her head the other way.
The time it takes Dan to glance over at Shihong, Pás has hung two more posters on either sides of Mr. Bale's unparalleled face. The first is of a giant floofy basket of kittens, and the second poster strangely reads in foreign Portuguese as it features a tanned, muscled, gloriously solid-looking man who's wearing no more than a leather thong.
When he turns back, the Brazilian is looking away, appearing rather diverted as she busily digs into her own bikini bra. Her right eye squints as her hand hunts around. "Shiuuu... thoughts I had one more in here. Where could -- aha! It was buries."
She pulls out one last thumbtack, the brother to the final wall-poster the girl keeps rolled under her arm. Dismissively, she grabs one end of it and yanks the paper open. The last poster eerily declares: THE HITCHER.
Holding either objects with both hands, almost like the gunslingers do in the old westerns, Pás stares at Dan. Her eyes meet his. He points his finger at her. And her stare just narrows. It sounds like a dare.
Rather emphatically, Sean Bean joins his friends on the Hibiki dojo wall with a finalizing slam of the thumbtack.
Pás looks back at Dan over her shoulder. "You are very cute, but also very silliy sillies! When I beat you up, yea, then I am taking this place. It will be a clubhouses where no boys are allowed." She pauses at herself. "Hummm, maybe a few." She pauses again, waving a hand. "OK OK OK, there will be a many. That sounds like it is the fair, yea?"
The Brazilian peeks over at Shihong, beaming. "You think yes, yea?"
Seated like a royal empress in her folding canvas chair, the rather-assuming woman leans her elbow on one of the arm rests, spidery fingers splayed on her face as she simply sits, comfortable. Despite Dan's observations, the woman in black seems preoccupied by her phone and conversing with...well, whoever it is on the other line. Shouldn't they be kicking and beating each other or something, she distantly wonders.
Then she decides it's no big deal. As long as they're relatively quiet she can hear whatever the other person on the phone is saying! Slender shoulders roll lightly, a soft sigh escaping her red lips as she lifts her gaze to the ceiling.
And in that time Pás has already decorated the dojo to her liking. And part of Shihong Mao decides she kind of likes the Brazilian girl's taste. Already the dojo's property value has risen twofold, with the appearance of Bale's face on its dull, unimpressive walls!
The kittens are a nice touch, too!
But her thoughts are interrupted, as whatever is said on the other line causes her to break out with a sharp laugh. Reeling forward in her chair, the leggy woman kicks her legs lightly before she rubs her forehead, fingers drifting to her eye to lightly rub the soft swell of tears forming at the corners of her lids.
Then she exhales contentedly, eyes drifting back to Pás as she regards her. Unfortunately she didn't hear what the offer was. Fortunately, the woman is pretty agreeable. Black eyes hood slightly, peering at the dusky-skinned girl before she kicks back in the canvas folding chair.
"Sure. ...oh god, no way! Tell me about what happened, now!"
Almost instantly the woman leans forward in her chair, staring intently at the floor as she lightly bites a manicured nail in...suspense??
Dan, however is not quite so pleased by this turn of events and reaches down into his own shirt. This brassiere battle can go both ways, baby! That's right. Hidden next to Dan's saikyoh-so-awesome pecs is the peace that all true warriors strive for. 8x10 glossies of the MAN himself. MAN H-- I mean, DAN HIBIKI!
Pulling enough of those headshots out to cover an entire room, Dan begins to spin them flinging them at the posters until...
DAN IS, American Psycho.
DAN IS, The Hitcher.
DAN IS, Kittens.
DAN IS, Shaving while drinking a V8?!?
Well that last one, it doesn't veer towards a poster at all it heads towards the brazillian bombshell boastfully begrafitti-tagging the bountiful butch bumblefighter's beautiful barricades. And with aliteration like that, how could this attack possibly fail!?!?!?!
COMBATSYS: Dan has started a fight here.
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Dan 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Pas has joined the fight here.
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Pas 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Dan
COMBATSYS: Shihong has joined the fight here on the left meter side.
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Dan 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Dan successfully hits Pas with Premium Sign.
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Dan 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/-------|
"Euh, she say yes," Pás appends with a dismissive wave, speaking for Shihong.
The Brazilian glances back on Dan in time to see him pulling a mirror of her own self, Mario Twinning a hand down his own top. But, he does not come bearing things like ice cream cones that both of them would say yes to. Instead, Hibiki comes bearing... revenge.
When he flares a full deck of his own photographed mug, Pás is looking distinctly unnerved. She only has time to implore, in a quiet voice, "Wh--what are yo--"
And then Dan makes it rain. His sea of photos viciously smother every last one of those girly posters she had set up in the dojo. The girl's eyes widen, her expression felled by the brutal undoing of Christian Bale's godly face, so much so she doesn't even react in time to the portrait frisbee'd her way. Its edge snaps one of her bikini straps.
Catching it in time, one hand busy to keep her decent -- or as nominally decent as Pás gets -- she spends the next moments looking very sad.
"Psiu, I have glad I did not bring Marisolas' Shenwoo poster," she admits sadly, biting her lip. Then her eyes slide back on Dan. "But you have done something very, very bad! You have dishonoureds my boyfriend! You see Crisotanas Bale?! We are the true loves and I will not let this happen to him!" Pás uses her only free arm to point back at offended poster in question.
And, like any impassioned, insulted lover, Pás changes hands that hold her bikini together and suddenly turns on Dan, one of her bare legs whipped out and suddenly cracked up, attempting to smash her heel dead straight at his face.
And so it begins.
Seated in her makeshift throne, the woman in black observes the goings-on from the corner of her eye, all while a finger presses to the piece in her ear, listening attentively to the person on the other end of the line. Rouge lips ease into a tiny smirk, as Dan hurls his photographs, otherwise destroying the lovely visage of Bale, or the basket of fuzzy kittens.
"what a pity," the woman mumbles under her breath.
And then poor Pás' face is Dan's final victim. The woman lightly chuckles, but remains otherwise quiet.
Except for the sudden and sharp laugh, before she resumes conversation on her phone.
But the sudden motion of Pás draws another glance from the corner of the woman's eye, her brows lightly creasing as she watches her leap for Hibiki. Sighing softly, the woman eyes her manicure, a distantly disappointed expression on her pale features. They're fighting, which means she has to do ...something?
Rising from her seat, the woman casts a look around the dojo, for...something. That's when her eyes catch sight of it. "Hmn," she sounds aloud to herself, a curious expression lingering on her face as she approaches...the tablecloth'd table.
Rather suddenly, a large, tablecloth-clad table finds itself hefted up and thrown right at the two fighters in question. Or maybe Pás was just in the way!?
"Fighting with photographs!? You lose fifteen points for that lackluster performance!" And covering Bale's gorgeous face. For SHAME.
COMBATSYS: Pas successfully hits Dan with Medium Kick.
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Dan 0/-------/-----==|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Dan blocks Shihong's Large Thrown Object.
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Dan 0/-------/----===|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/-------|
Dan, suddenly the target of THE CLASSIC PINCERS ATTACK FROM EVERY WAR STRATEGY BOOK EVER WRITTEN EVER, comes up with a brilliant plan. This plan is so dastardly devilishly simple that even a small child could en-act it. That's right, it's to simply move out of the damn way.
Unfortunately, it looks like Pas has feet fleeter than a highway speeder. It's that kind of flaw in Dan's plan that he really pays for in the end. Suddenly he founds his face full of foot while A table soars at him. Tables, heh. Tables of all things. Honestly, tables. What can be said about tables? Heh. Oh you kids.
His second plan against this assault succeeds to some degree as his hands flail out wildly to the side of him while the table collides against his mighty mighty forearms. Surely it doesn't stop the wilting hurt and terror that tables produce, but it softens the blow.
As for his other appen-DAN-ges? Well, Dan's foot goes out quickly and softly probing Pas's defenses around her midsection. That's just how Dan does it, poking around, looking for tender mercies. It's the start of another SAIKYO SUPER SUICIDE SLUGFEST!
COMBATSYS: Shihong successfully hits Pas with Large Thrown Object.
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Dan 0/-------/----===|===----\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Pas blocks Dan's Light Kick.
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Dan 0/-------/---====|====---\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
Propelled by divine right, seeking to right the sinful insult done to Christian Bale's holy face, Pás foot hits home. She steps free, still pouting with her righteous outrage, turning one eye in time to catch the quick descent of... a table? Its shadow swallows up both fighters. The Brazilian just purses her mouth. She suddenly ducks, trying to outstep eager furniture, but Dan's block changes trajectory of the table. It smacks the innocent bystander Brazilian a good one, her head cracked to one side, her body sliding across the dojo floor along her back.
At least she manages to keep hold of her broken bikini.
Giving her head an orienting shake, moving her jaw from side to side to make sure it's not hanging off, Pás sits up. Her eyes narrow. And her grin finally comes on strong. Pain has a way of making someone's good mood return.
Rolling back up to her feet, Pás turns shoulder in time to find Dan's foot trying to make cozy with her waistline. And it didn't even ask her out to dinner at Applebee's. She thrusts out the one arm she has free to deflect the strike, though her crafty hand turns at the last moment, trying to grab him by the ankle. And grinning, the Brazilian tries to suddenly yank forward on his leg... forward and right up, as if trying to force poor Hibiki to do the front splits while standing. If she manages to, she steps forward to slip her own leg in between his feat of gymnastics, trying to knee him dead straight in the groin.
That wasn't what was supposed to happen, the woman muses. DAN was supposed to get hit, not the leggy Brazilian girl. Frowning to herself, the woman tilts her head slowly to one side, black eyes narrowing as she observes the duo dukeing it out. Lifting a hand, the woman in black simply brushes long black hair from her shoulder, gently scoffing as she turns on her heel, marching back to her chair where she takes a seat.
"Sorry about that, Sam. What were you saying?"
Resuming her conversation with this mysterious 'Sam' chap, Shihong crosses her legs and idly taps her nails on the wooden arm rest. Whatever tale Sam wove for the woman draws a sharp laugh and a shamed shake of her head, eyes drifting elsewhere, away from the fight.
"Oh Sam. Seriously, what won't you do? ...no, I'm serious. What WON'T you do?"
It would seem that our two plucky fighters have a bit of breathing time. FOR NOW.
COMBATSYS: Shihong takes no action.
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Dan 0/-------/---====|====---\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Dan endures Pas' Eshu's Hat.
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Dan 0/-------/-======|=====--\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
Dan looks as his ankle is suddenly gripped. "Whoa now wait a sec-" he doesn't have time to beg for mercy as he is made the most flexible Saikyo master in the world. And then. Oh ... OH DAMN SON! DAMN! OH GOSH Can you really expect me, an unbiased observer to explain the kind of paintrain just brought down on Ben and Jerry? Right in the mean bean machine. DAAAAAAAAAAAMN
Dan coughs sharply, and it turns into a hacking horker of a cough that echoes through the dojo walls, before he slumps to the side and wheezes a little bit.
It's amazing he even has any kind of fight left in him at all, but the Saikyo sensei from southtown on in his downed position twists his chest at the waist before launching his hand forward with such strength and ferocity that not even Ryo could dispute his Art of Fighting. In a weak gravely voice he "shouts" out.
"Finishing Strike, Ultimate Heaven Hell Fist with spr*SQUEEK*inkles."
COMBATSYS: Dan successfully hits Pas with Kyuukyoku Tenchi Gadou Zuki.
- Power hit! -
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Dan 1/-------/=======|=======\-------\1 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
"Hum," Pás is saying in the wake of her attack, standing tall and brushing herself off. She gives the dojo another appraisal while Dan nurses his little Hibikis. "I guess this place will needs the new name. I think a nice one. Something with 'cake' in it..."
Her dark eyes turn when Dan rustles somewhere in her peripherals. The Brazilian girl exhales windily, looking put-upon. "Silly, you are not finished yet?--"
She never even had a chance. While his battle cry leaves something to be desired, his hand sure isn't lacking. Eyes widening, Pás takes the hit, and is pretty sure she ends up tattooed from it. Struck hard with a surprised cough, her wiry body is sent skidding, her head smacking against the dojo wall -- so hard it makes the HITCHER poster fall -- and her legs immediately crumpling underneath her fallen body. That hurt. She liked that.
"...ha ha haaaa, that was good," Pás is warbling as she tries to sit up, one dark eye squinted. She turns a razory glance on Dan. "Maybe I jes move in anyway... when we start dating. I will be Missus Hibiki, yea?! Do that again; I am falling down in the love!"
Flipping back up to her feet, the Brazilian lets out a slithery laugh as she lunges back into movement. She steps back, then kicks off with her braced knee, lunging one foot up the wall and pushing off, suddenly forcing herself to be aerial as she arrows towards Dan. There, she twists, trying to meet him with a swung kick upside the head, turning her trajectory to catch herself, upside-down, by one arm.
After all, she still needs to hold her top together. Pás is a lady.
One that twists herself into a fierce handspin, her kicking legs shooting out, their feet pluming suddenly with hot, sparking chi, as she tries to pinwheel him with spinning kicks.
The kick Dan is delivered courtesy of the Brazilian girl draws a wince across the Chinese woman's face, eyes hooding sharply as she lightly flinches. That had to hurt; fortunately, she cannot know the pain the Saikyo-ryuu Master suffers by the hand--no, foot--of Pás.
Then the woman laughs lightly, a hand lightly slapping her knee. This is classic shit!
But, ah. She can't sit out the entire time, now can she? Grunting softly as she eases herself up out of the canvas folding chair, the woman offers a sly grin as she stands upright once more. Lifting her arms, she stretches high before she crouches low, a leg stretched out to one side before she changes direction and stretches the other leg outward. When contented, she hops up to full height once more.
"The name of your attack is unimpressive!" the woman cries, singling out Dan Hibiki with a slender, pale digit. Narrowing her eyes briefly, the woman's features darken before black depths widen, a flash of red as she observes the pair--particularly when Pás makes her move at Dan with that strange attack.
"See that? You need more pizzazz! More flashiness!" Is Dan paying attention? She hopes so! He could learn a lesson! And, if not, she'll try to teach him to listen by running in just after Pás and thrusting her palm's heel toward his stomach. It isn't the heel that impacts; instead, a burst of vibrantly red energy erupts, to rock Dan like the hurricane he is.
COMBATSYS: Dan dodges Shihong's Swallow's Wings.
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Dan 1/-------/=======|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Dan blocks Pas' Catherine Wheel.
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Dan 1/-----==/=======|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
The Saikyo master, still slumped over from his recent tour de force, finally decides its time to stand up when both women come barrelling at him like freight trains without brakes. His mind sharpens, and his hair tingles as if he were drinking selsun blue and head and shoulders combined.
Curling up into a defensive ball, Dan rolls under the dangerous and chi infused kicks, his wristguards rising up to meet their challenge, before he rolls right past Shihong.
As he pops back to his feet on the other side, he gives a thumbs up right to one of the TV cameras, his teeth letting off a tiny spark of freshness.
"These ladies are lovely, but they couldn't hit the broad side of E. Honda's ass with specially designed ass-hitting gloves. Wow wow wow, you see why Saikyo is so much better than these pretty kicks or whatever the heck this other lady is trying? Man, you guys are so bad at this I think I'm gonna go take a nap, gosh."
Uh oh, he's mugging for the camera.
COMBATSYS: Dan gathers his will.
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Dan 1/=======/=======|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/------=|
Her attack brought up so short it's probably suffering blueballs, Pás rights herself, her crooked smirk still haunting her mouth. She turns quickly on heel, her guard up, her antsy nerves alert to warn the girl of any quick reprisal. But, in the end, she just gets worst.
Dan starts talking smack.
The Brazilian crosses her arms, proud enough to pout a little. "That is very mean lie. I do not need ass-hittings glove. Didn't I jes hit a very small target? --You saw, yea?" she asides to Shihong, gesturing to the woman with a shrugged shoulder. One hand raises, just high enough for the cameras to pick up, and the girl gestures an inch between her crooked index finger and thumb. "It did not feels very large. Huuum." She looks briefly troubled. At least until a bright idea hits. "Shiu! I guess there only way to prove it. I must hit it again."
The quick little high schooler darts back into immediate movement, dashing forward and suddenly taking opportunity of Shihong so very close by. Without invitation, Pás tries to vault off the woman's closest shoulder and throw herself straight at Dan. She twists, springing off the ground with one arm and bringing both legs together into a mule kick. There she tries to meet his poor groin again in part two: this time it's personal.
Did he just roll past her?
Frowning slightly as Dan avoids the blast of energy from her palm, Shihong slumps her shoulders slightly before she lifts a hand up and absently rubs the back of her neck. "Hmmn," she muses, as Dan talks to the camera. His insults fall upon deaf ears--really! But if he's doing that, it means he won't be as fun a target to pick on. Which is the whole point of her being here.
"Sure," the woman absently replies to Brazilian girl. She's thinking. Plotting.
That's when it dawns on her. Maybe she should try giving Pás some grief?
So when Pás makes her move again, to fly at Dan and kick him in the nuts with a mule kick, Shihong slithers in behind after. But she has no intention of attack Dan; instead, the woman springs into the air and lets her body fly heels first for Pás' back. Midflight, however, her body ignites in energy, a roaring red vermillion inferno consuming her legs as she intents on drilling right into the girl's back...and send her flying should she impact!
"HIYAA!! Nothing personal! --No, not you Sam!"
COMBATSYS: Dan interrupts Short Kick from Pas with Chouhatsu Densetsu.
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Dan 0/-------/----===|-------\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/-------|
As Pas brings the mule kick up, Dan is already falling backwards and curling back into a ball of the most delicate pink deliciousness. Pas's foot merely grazes his ass, maybe proving her point, maybe not. In any event Dan rolls three feet back before popping up onto his knee and pointing at Pas, "Oh you. You're pretty. So very pretty. But you don't have any gusto! You have zest but no gusto! Where's your gusto? You can't take life by the balls by kicking fighting legends in them! That's no way to live your life. Listen, I like you kid! I do. You got moxie! SPUNK, even. Unfortunately, spunk means bunk if you can't hit junk! That's what I'm trying to say. That's the truth, spend less time wearing those sexy bikinis and more time being a better fighter!"
AW, SCOOPS!
COMBATSYS: Pas blocks Shihong's Strutting Crow.
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Dan 0/-------/----===|==-----\-------\0 Pas
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Shihong 0/-------/-------|
Being naturally spry gives the Brazilian girl definite advantage, and somewhere between her showy, bendy positions, she catches Shihong out the corner of her eye. Quick as she is, her kicking feet miss out on giving Dan's salami a second helping -- those small targets can be pretty fickle! -- but Pás has little time to think about it. As soon as one foot hits the ground, she's whirling around, turning just in time to intercept Shihong with a turned forearm, an open palm, and one sharp grin. Her own chi flickers off her hand as she thrusts it against the woman's legs, quickly stepping aside as she pushes forward to displace the attack.
Her hands sting as she brings them back. That felt like it could have hurt.
Poor, oblivious Pás, only ever expecting the worst pain to be of the physical variety. This was what she once believed until this next moment, when she takes one wrong step, turns, and finds herself staring right into one of Dan Hibiki's rants.
Her expression goes flatter than old ginger ale. Her face pales at the corners. One dark eye tics.
Oh God, and it keeps going on.
When this brutal, unwarranted attack ends, the Brazilian girl seems to sag a little, drooped in her spot and sobered. Her eyes turn away, looking down, her teasing grins and lazy looks exchanged for something humbled. She looks tired. Has the legendary Dan Hibiki, wielding the power and skill of Saikyo, managed to break Pás' spirit?! Has his words managed to get through?! Has he inspired her to do away with her wicked ways and follow a much more glorious, clothed path?!
"Sim... you... you are right," the girl admits, slowly, numbly, after many moments. She looks back up. "I have spendings so much time on silly things... this bikini. Now I will not care about them at all!"
She lets the broken bikini strap go.
And that is how Pás flashed live television.
HAAGEN DAZS!
Following Dan's amazing advice, she suddenly thrusts both freed hands forward, lunging closer as she tries to grab two handfuls of Mr. Hibiki, himself. Grinning madly, Pás tries to haul him forward to for a savage headbutt.
With Pás' successful block, the woman's heels only intercept the girl's forearms, drawing a mildly bemused expression over pale features. Is she getting too old? Is she slowing down in her age? Surely not! If anything, the woman is improving on her already formidable skills! Right?
Landing in a crouch in front of Pás, those eyes flicker to one side, as Dan begins his infamous ranting. It causes the woman in black to make a face, eyes rolling upwards before she simply exhales loudly and rubs her face. "Sorry Sam, the crazy guy in pink is rambling," she murmurs. "Let me call you back in a bit."
And with that, she actually turns her phone off.
"You talk too much!" the woman exclaims, hands on her hips, seemingly far from bothered as Pás flashes the entire viewing audience at home--or would, were SNF officials not ready with their smiley-face censor bars and a brief flash of 'WARDROBE MALFUNCTION' at the bottom of the screen. As for Pás, well.
"And you should...uhh...be more careful with your clothes!"
Sweeping a leg out, the woman grabs the remnants of the table she initially threw and, holding the long piece in both hands, attempts to swing it at both combatants like a baseball bat with a cry of "FORE!" despite it being...baseball, not golf. But who's counting, really?
COMBATSYS: Dan endures Pas' Zidane's Revenge.
[ \\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////// ]
Dan 0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Dan dodges Shihong's Random Weapon.
[ \\\\\\\\\ < > //////////////// ]
Dan 0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
Dan looks at Pas with his own grin as she savagely headbutts him. His grin remains after she pulls back and he says to her, while a fresh contact cut bleeds all over his gi. He then tilts his head back and laughs wildly, "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Okay so that's ...a reaction? Interrobang? As for Shihong's wild bat swipes, Dan finally weaves away from that and looks at Shihong, almost hurt. "You. You wound me, I'm trying to have a tender moment with my NEWEST PUPIL, and you come in with baseball bats? Lady, c'mon. She's learning and you're ERASING PROGRESS!"
He turns back to Pas slyly, "Well. It seems like you are learning. But for your lesson today, will you accept the power of saikyo or will you beat it? or will you timidly avoid it! THIS IS HOW WE LEARN, YOUNG CAPOEISTRA!"
Still bleeding badly, Dan coils himself down into a spring of fighty goodness. Fighty goodness, that's a thing right? Of course it is! Anyways, almost like time slowing down, the coil lasts forever before Dan launches himself upward with a mighty uppercut that would make anyone proud. It's of course the KOURYUKEN. Famous attacks! Nice!
COMBATSYS: Pas dodges Shihong's Random Weapon.
[ \\\\\\\\ < > //////////////// ]
Dan 0/-------/--=====|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Pas blocks Dan's Kouryuken.
[ \\\\\\\\ < > ////////////// ]
Dan 0/-------/-======|===----\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
"Humm," Pás is wondering in the background, as Shihong and Dan argue back and forth. "If I am pupil now, does that mean we get to make out?"
She'll wonder that later. Think fast. While biting her lip, unable to snuff out her wily grin, the bendy Brazilian gives such a demonstration when Shihong descends on them both, batter's up. She suddenly bends backwards, her flexible spine curling, as the shank of wood whistles by overhead. She rights herself in time to beam up at the asian woman, one dark eye winking. "Ayyyy, is OK. Is not my clothes."
Consider another one of Marisol's fancy bras wrecked.
Dan moves off her peripherals, and grinning and alert, Pás turns her head, fixing him with an encouraging look. Her eyelids lower. It's all totally come hither. Then he unravels and springs upwards at her, all pink gi and justice, she's already moving, already trying to beat his momentum with something of her own. She snakes in and twists, turning shoulder and thrusting both opened palms against his striking arm, trying to displace his aim before he's even reached her. The uppercut brushes past, grazing her side, making her ribs sore in passing, but missing target.
But Pás isn't done. She turns her reaching hands to try to grab both down on Dan's uppercutting forearm, and making three advantages from his momentum, her momentum, and their difference in weight, her feet leave the ground as she momentarily tries to pinion herself off his very arm, turning in time to try to crack a close-range, circular kick straight at his gut.
"Tender moment..?" the woman wonders aloud, black eyes drifting from the Saikyo-ryuu master to the Brazilian girl, then slowly back again. The leg of the table in hand is then noted, shrugged at before she simply tosses it aside with a loud thud and clatter of metal. Then, slowly, a tiny smirk cuts across her rouge red lips. At least Pás isn't taking this personally.
Now Dan...well. He's another matter.
"I think the one who needs some lessons here is you," she tells him flatly, eyeing the man with narrowed eyes. Still, a smirk lingers on her red lips, as she sizes up the LEGEND that is Dan Hibiki. Nevermind she's not heard of him--that is beside the point! Folding her arms, she silently observes from there, as Pás launches herself into him, attempting to cut the man down. Oh, so young!
Like before, the woman stands back, simply content in allowing the two to duke it out however they shall. Will Dan be victorious? Or will the leggy Brazilian Pás find victory over Saikyo-ryuu??
COMBATSYS: Shihong focuses on her next action.
[ \\\\\\\\ < > ////////////// ]
Dan 0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Dan dodges Pas' Change-Up Kick.
[ \\\\\\\\ < > ////////////// ]
Dan 0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
Dan wrenches away from Pas's grabby grabby hands. And pulls himself away from her gut kick. He's quite sucessful in this endeavor. Hooray for him, am I right? But he doesn't stop his movement just because he's got a lot to celebrate! OH NO! NO NO NO NO NO
In fact, he hops back to put some distance between the two, before spinning his body backwards and then launching forward in an aerial roundhouse kick that threatens to ROCK THE UNIVERSE! Or basically just shake Pas to her very core. It happens to be the most awesome of all awesome aerial roundhouses. DAN KUU KY AKU! So called because it's the Dan-Dan Kick
COMBATSYS: Pas counters Dankuu Kyaku from Dan with Branded Mule.
[ \\\ < > ///////////// ]
Dan 1/-------/=======|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
The most awesome of all awesome aerial roundhouses becomes suddenly contested in its awesomosity, as that tricky little Brazilian with her perpetual grin follows Hibiki's movement with her eyes. She's reading his footwork, parsing it just in time to force herself to go low the instant he goes high, escaping the strike as she tries to slide past through an opening in his legs. Immediately, she gets to one foot, following through with her momentum as she turns a leg of her own, chi flaring out from her bare foot as she turns on her hip and straightens her hip, cracking a fiery, explosive kick dead center at Dan's turned back.
But even as she tries to strafe suddenly away to cut distance between them, she's not yet done.
Because there is something very distinct about Pás' style.
She fights dirty.
And don't think she missed -- however little, however subtle it was -- Shihong's reaction to her favourite wall power before it was defaced by the power of Dan. That information is very handy. And, if that strange, mysterious asian woman carries an iota of just worship for the greatest man ever to walk the Earth, then run around it a little, naked, holding a chainsaw, as Genesis plays...
...then she should react to this.
Suddenly, Pás puts her acting skills on display, looking shocked, almost wounded, as she stares madly at Dan Hibiki, looking at him as though he whispered the worst of insults. She turns a disbelieving glance on Shihong, then entreats back on him, "Did-- did you.. did you jes say that Christian Bale is... a bad actor?!"
Standing to the side, the woman casually observes both fighters, thin red lips drawn ever so tightly across her lips. Black depths, occasionally more like dull embers than anything, gaze slowly from one fighter to the next as she more or less bides her time. Beneath this hardened visage, however, the woman stifles a yawn. Really, this is kind of like babysitting.
With violence.
Despite Dan's infamous Dankuu Kyaku, it seems it is no match for the Brazilian girl's evasion into a counterattack. Tricky, the woman muses to herself, casually rubbing the side of her cheek as she watches both--until Pás draws her attention. Christian Bale...a bad actor?
What a slap to the proverbial face.
"Oh hell nah," the woman states with surprising calm. Glancing back and forth, the Chinese woman finds that there's nothing around with which to exercise her wrath upon poor, hapless Hibiki. So what is she to do? Why, she walks over to the wall, rips off a poster (the one with kittens) and rolls it up nice and tight. Then? THEN she marches back over and attempts to whop the man upside the head and curse at him in Cantonese for his blasphemy.
COMBATSYS: Shihong successfully hits Dan with Thrown Object.
[ < > ///////////// ]
Dan 1/-----==/=======|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
Dan weaves and bobs as he gets pretty ass beaten solidly by both these women. He looks dazed and confused. As if his eyes are watering and spinning and also he's got birds tweeting, but he looks right at Pas, focusing, turning his last bit of attention onto her and makes his last brave stand..
A fist goes out. One sending shockwaves through the community! If it's going to happen, Dan's going to need a miracle! And this wild attack just might be crazy to get it going.
"HISSHOU!"
After the first punch, Dan goes into a wild kata of punches and kicks each punctuated with MOUTHNOISES!
"BURRAI!"
"RAI"
"RAI"
"RAI
"RRRRRRRRAI KEN!"
The final words punctuated by a repeat of his not so great uppercut. Oh Dan, I hope you make it!
COMBATSYS: Dan has reached second wind!
[ \\\\\\ < > ///////////// ]
Dan 0/-------/------=|=------\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Dan successfully hits Pas with Hisshou Burai Ken.
[ \\\\\\ < > /////// ]
Dan 0/-------/------=|======-\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
As poor, poor Dan Hibiki, the real victim in tonight's antics, gets beaned over the head with a rolled-up kitten poster, Pás can do little but just burst into laughter. She slaps one hand over her mouth, her back hunching, her shoulders shaking, trying so very hard to muffle the worst of it, even if, in the end, she's doing a lousy job of it.
It makes her truly deserve what's coming that much more.
When the legendary Saikyo master seems to reanimate out of nowhere, coming at her with that first mean punch, Pás is still too busy laughing when she should be busier blocking. Caught off-guard, her head snaps to one side. Surprised, she looks back, her expression changed, her eyes wide and bright and her mouth slowly grinning-- before that gets smacked away just as fast. Riddled by punches and kicks all too quick to defend -- maybe because the sounds he's making are bringing back her strangled laughter -- the battered Brazilian soon gets knocked clean off her feet, the last uppercut making a projectile out of her lean body.
Twisting in mid-air, she attempts and nearly succeeds in landing back on her feet -- but her weight falls a little too hard on her braced knee and it gives out with a tiny, emphatic little *pop!* Oh, that didn't sound good. Her expression scrunches. And with a squeaked, "Whuup--" Pás lands on her ass.
That hurt.
Feebly, she pushes herself to sit up, frowning at her injured leg before her eyes soon aim back up on Dan Hibiki. "Shiu, you pretty pringles, old man. But... I am not finishes yet." With that, she stands, limping once, but her staggering soon turns into sprinting, her eyes homed right on her opponent. On the last step, she kicks up and twists, spiralling sideways to the ground in a move that's more show that anything. She ricochets off her right leg and snaps out the injured one, aiming a quick, fierce kick at Dan that, if successful, will actually target two spots on his body. First the kidneys, then right up in the kisser.
When Dan moves away from the swung, rolled-up kitten poster and right for the Brazilian, Shihong doesn't stop yelling at him in Cantonese. How dare he besmirch the name of Christian Bale, an Adonis among men!? Is he insane? Clearly so! Or jealous; whatever. Either way, it earns him an incoherent earful from the woman, who waves the poster wildly in the air as he leaves.
Then she exhales. Her composure returns, a dull expression haunting pale features.
But...poor, unprepared Pás. Surely that couldn't have ended well for the girl. The woman offers a wince of sympathy, a light 'ooh damn' escaping her red lips before she squints, peering more intently at the scenario before her. Pás leaps up, back and lands with a graceful ending! Or not; the fall to her ass draws a frown over the Asian woman's lips.
The stagger noted, the woman watches as Pás rushes for Dan, throwing caution to the wind as she lunges for Dan, the woman shakes her head and exhales, before her finger juts forward for the Saikyo-ryuu master. "No no no! You shouldn't be fighting a wounded girl! How unsportsman-like! Your style is setting a bad example for children! What is this, Saikyo-child abuse?!"
And, with that, the woman attempts to march forward and ...push Dan?? Right to the ground, like a bully!
COMBATSYS: Shihong successfully hits Dan with Quick Throw.
[ \\\\ < > ////// ]
Dan 0/-------/----===|=====--\-------\0 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Dan interrupts Conta e Gorjeta from Pas with Kouryuken.
- Power hit! -
[ \\\ < > / ]
Dan 0/-------/----===|=======\=------\1 Pas
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ <
Shihong 0/-------/------=|
Dan is suddenly on the recieving end of two attacks at once? What? WHAT? WHAT? Well, it doesn't make much difference to him, seconds before Shihong hurtles him to the ground Dan coils into a tight spring of condensed pringles fury. And you know that once he pops, he don't stop. He unleashes all is fury into the air and into Pas before...
Shihong totally pulls him back to the ground so hard he falls on his chin! His chin of all things! A huge chin bruise is now formed thanks to the likes of that Chaos Agent. SHIHONG?!?! More like Chin Hong! That's her real name from now until the end of time. Thanks a lot, CHINNY!
And Pás, rather thoroughly, gets schooled on just where Dan's curly moustache at.
Returned rather painfully to the dojo's floor on a nasty skid, stopping in time to let out the weariest of weary sighs, she already knows it's going to be more than enough trouble getting back up. She might just be finished already. Maybe she's losing her touch.
Giving her reeling head a shake, Pás focuses her eyes, testing her limbs and feeling her mood sour to find her knee already swelling up fast. She's not used to working on an injury, and she's already lost her patience with this one. Either way, she knows she's finished. It's time to make a grand exit of it.
With all little strength she has left, her energy spent, her one leg throbbing, but her perpetual grin refusing to go anywhere, the Brazilian has sprung back out of nowhere, arrowing towards Dan as he recovers from Chin Hong's surprise attack! Ignoring the pain in her knee, she balances herself on one leg and pivots deeply on the hip, her entire torso almost perpendicular with her suddenly swung leg. She follows her first strike through with a heavy round house off the other leg... and appears to attack continuously on them, turning constantly as she weaves leg after leg, switching circular kicks. And, finally, gritting down and pushing on her leg that doesn't really want to bend, the Brazilian attempts her finale with a running start, pushing herself up to try to slam a double-footed kick right at Dan Hibiki's most treasured, important spot: his mouth.
COMBATSYS: Pas can no longer fight.
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ < > /// ]
Shihong 0/-------/------=|===----\-------\0 Dan
Poor Dan Hibiki, so thoroughly abused.
Regardless of his spill, the woman's interest wanes considerably the moment he hits the ground--so much, in fact, she turns her back to the goings-on, which happens to involve Pás getting a thorough beating from Hibiki himself! Or something; she's not paying attention!
"Ah, I'm bored now!" the woman exclaims to no one in particular, her black gaze absently wandering about. Drifting, they catch sight of the director, to whom she flashes a toothy grin. Wandering over, the Asian woman carries on a conversation with the man, which winds up with the Chaos Agent throwing her arms into the air with a loud cry and a scoff.
Then she makes her way for the door of the dojo without so much as glancing at the other fighters. Her work here is through! But will Dan survive, or will Pás get the last laugh..!?
She'll watch the play-by-play later.
COMBATSYS: Shihong has left the fight here.
[ \\\ <
Dan 0/-------/----===|
COMBATSYS: Dan endures Pas' Dama Branco.
[ <
Dan 1/-------/=======|
Dan blinks as he sees the foot coming towards his mouth as he so utterly gets destroyed by circumstances. There's no choice. He can do nothing but keep a stiff upper lip. Hopefully stiff enough that only he can break through all this pain and reach a higher level of existence. As Pas's feet make his mouth the next blood gulch he focuses on all the truth of Saikyo Ryuu and decides that yes, it might be time for that.
In the dead silence of the dojo, as Shihong leaves. He begins to glow slightly pinker? What madness is this.
COMBATSYS: Dan takes no action.
COMBATSYS: Dan can no longer fight.
And then he falls asleep!
Log created on 21:40:24 01/13/2008 by Pas, and last modified on 22:43:39 01/18/2008.