Description: This Review log contains, to my knowledge, one of the ABSOLUTE GREATEST fights I've ever read. Well, it highlights it at least. TAKE A LOOK-SEE. Also, importantly, it includes Junior Championship information.
Alright, folks, it's that time again! In what should be a familiar sequence to EVERYBODY ON THE GAME, the Saturday Night Fight Review title sequence plays across the screen in all it's glory. At the end of the sequence, there's a clever little fade-out/fade-in to an image of Howard Arena, with a bombastic-looking banner, a picture of Ryuhaku Todoh on it, looking angry. It reads: "TODOH-RYU DOJO: Martial Arts that make Kyokugen masters look like fat babies!". The date, located at the bottom of the screen, is "7/01/07", and it's evident that the banner's still being put up. People are still pasting it to the wall, after all!
Time passes, evidenced by a fast-forward of daily events, with days ticking past on that lower-left corner. Eventually, Howard Arena is packed to the brim for its weekly SNF Main Event.
It is here that Ryuhaku Todoh leaps out of the banner, shriek-coughing, rolling onto his side, and looking more than a little pathetic in front of Kain Heinlein. The scene fades out to the SNF studio, where Turk Gridiron sits on his end of the SNF Review desk, shuffling some papers and looking incredibly handsome. To the camera, he announces:
"I've really got no idea how he does it, folks. That banner's been up there for at least 4 days!"
While Turk is busy staring at the camera and exuding handsomeness at it, Macy's busy staring the man down, pretty eyes half-lidded, dulled with raw irritation. He ALWAYS does this. Takes the easy way out so that SHE has to make the 'hilarious' color commentary, which is really a hell of a lot harder! After the audience laughs at Turk's little observation, dozens of expectant eyes flicker over towards Macy, who graces them with a broad, practiced smile, and a shuffle of her own papers.
"Ha ha, right you are, Turk! What zany tricks could that Todoh have pulled?!"
Macy eyes Turk after she speaks, a triumphant smirk on her face. Try to deal with that one, ass!
Turk, not equipped for this sort of clever thinking, is pulling at his collar by the time the camera flickers back over to him. His expression is that of a man hunted: The blonde anchorman takes a moment to run a hand through his perfectly flat hair, blink several times, and emit one incredibly cheesy laugh, by way of diverting attention from his lack of response.
"Ha ha ha ha ha, Macy! You're so zany! I could just kill you for it!" The last bit is grated through clenched teeth, but it's here that the SNF producer decides the show must go on. An image of Kain, broiling with power and knocking both Kasumi and Ryuhaku aside like small dolls appears over Turk's shoulder. Turk looks surprised and a little dismayed.
"Ah, yes! The main event this week, Todoh Family vs. Kain Heinlein, went absurdly well for the SNF icon. He made all the right moves, it'd seem, as the Todohs were victims of extraordinarily bad luck!"
"Basically, Turk." The audience reaction to Turk's obvious worry over his lack of wit is something that brings a devilish smirk to Macy's painted lips, and when the camera faces back to her she looks very much like a diabolical archvillain basking in success. Images of Kain brutally brushing aside Todoh counter-attacks flicker around the screen in random locations (it's very chic) while Macy continues to speak about how Heinlein brutalized the two fighters. Eventually there's an image of Kasumi flipping Kain over her shoulder and driving a chi-laden hand into his face, while Todoh is uselessly fanning himself over in the corner, destroyed. Macy looks shocked.
"While Kasumi managed to make ONE strong play against Heinlein, the German went on to finish the job and send Ryuhaku's little girl packing. Looks like this fight was a total blow-out, huh, Turk?"
"Ha ha! They certainly did blow, Macy!" Turk's awkward laughter and frightened eyes are cause enough to have the words "TURK IS BACKPEDALING" flash across the screen in a brilliant white font. There is a long silence while practically everybody in the studio stares at the man, followed by the flashing of an image of Mizuki Kamigawa kneeling in the library of Seijyun High School -- with Hotaru Futaba stomping on her shoulders, face contorted in impotent rage (Hotaru is far too cute to look anything other than cutely angry, see) and "Hurricane Hime" ninja-stomping on Futaba's own shoulders, looking imperious in that way that suggests she is about to fall right the hell over.
Turk smiles while he speaks, delighted at the prospect of new territory to perhaps look better in. "Seijyun High School played host to an interesting fight -- I'm honestly amazed to see young Hotaru Futaba put up against a PAIR of young fighters - while Hotaru's been working on her technique with those insane Kyokugen boys, has she really progressed so far as to be able to take on multiple opponents? And just WHO IS that masked wonder standing on her shoulders??"
"Hurricane Hime, I think! She's a newcomer, along with that Mizuki girl at the bottom of the tower, there. They both put on a fantastic fight, given Hotaru's relative fame and ability -- though I suspect that like the Todohs, Hotaru had a bit of bad luck this time around. You've gotta give that little girl some "props", though:" Macy makes some air-quotes when she says "props", and somebody on the production team groans audibly. Macy shoots them a glare that could neuter a horse, and they immediately stop. She looks back to the camera, happy as a clam.
"Every time we've seen Hotaru fight, she's put up with overwhelming odds or dire situations with a smile! I've got a feeling good things are in store for that one. As for the other two ladies, we hope to see more from them! Good luck on the victory there, you two, and brush up on those skills for next week!"
Turk nods, with the all the dire solemnity of a preacher. He glances towards the camera, eyes flashing, and murmurs, thoughtfully: "Good show, ladies. Keep at it!" White text: TURK IS STILL BACKPEDALING, flashes across the screen, prompting the blonde's face to contort in a barely-restrained flicker of rage before falling into a practiced, extraordinarily cheesy smile. This is timed perfectly with the appearance of another screen-in-screen over his shoulder - Marisol punching Justice High's EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE Main Auditorium's stage, with planking and a podium caught up in the aftermath of an intense chi-explosion -- Marisol stands in the epicenter, punching at the floor in an epic way.
Sada is pictured leaping above the blast, safe for the time being, though the camera angle is not at all decent, considering she's wearing a skirt and it is ALREADY FLUTTERING ALL OVER THE PLACE. Geese's head is crudely superimposed on any indecent imagery, with his smiling teeth emblazoned with the word "CENSORED!!!", so nobody will make lawsuits or anything.
Turk clears his throat. "Marisol O'Connel edges out Sada Asai for a win in Justice High's main auditorium, though the bonuses paid to her by Howard Enterprises are unfortunately all being directed towards repairing Justice High's auditorium. In an unrelated note, Ms. Asai has been voted "Hottest SNF Girl" by online voters."
"Oh, to be sure! I like how she does her hair~." Macy's reaction is flippant, and, perhaps expectedly, gets an Angry Stare from Turk. The Asian woman clears her throat, looks at the camera in a serious fashion, and adds. "Interestingly enough, Ms. Asai and Ms. O'Connell did not leave the fight on poor terms. They seemed to get along well with one another, and Ms. Asai even went so far as to display her singing skills to Marisol. Is this the start of something beautiful?" Macy winks at the camera.
Turk asides, from off-camera, "I guess it depends on how they swing, hm?" He grunts as Macy makes an obvious attempt to kick him from beneath the table. The screen immediately flickers away to show a landscape-shot of Random Volcano, Costa Rica, whereupon FEATURE FIGHT flickers over the view, in golden, sparkling letters. The camera does not shift back to a view of either announcer.
Turk's voice, over a dynamic view of Rock arriving via helicopter, and Shenwoo leaping out of a jeep. "ROCK HOWARD VS. SHENWOO! This is Saturday Night Fight's Featured Fight for the week, folks, and we'd like to bring special attention to some of the highlights from this battle! There's way, way, way too much to go into without wasting all of our time, here, ladies and gentlemen, so let's get right into it!"
The screen cuts to video of Krauser leaping out of a helicopter, off in the distance. Macy's voice: "Firstly, this fight played host to a -very- high-profile guest watcher, Strolheim's own Wolfgang Krauser! I can't blame him for electing to watch THIS particular fight, given the way things played out!"
Krauser's placid, expectant face is faded out on, while footage of Rock being flippant on a telephone plays. Turk's voice: "That Rock Howard. Despite such a distinguished audience, he sure didn't waste any time pussyfooting around! The second he and Shenwoo arrived at the scene, the two spent a good while downplaying each other -- apparently Howard has a relationship with a "Leilani" figure?! Who knew that the little guy's growing up so fast?"
The video of Rock being sassy on the phone switches to one of Shenwoo choking the hell out of him and tossing him on the ground. Nobody says anything, here -- it really speaks for itself, but Macy DOES annunciate: "Nobody ever said a sharp tongue wasn't a double-edged sword!"
Quickly, Turk sighs. "That was absolutely terrible, Macy." Macy sounds like she's about to say something, but footage of Rock countering not ONE, but TWO of Shenwoo's next attacks play. The first? A simple, headlong punch aimed at Rock's face. This is quickly brushed aside by Howard, and retaliated to with a flip-kick... but the NEXT attack is even more fantastic. Shenwoo's Zetsu! Geki-ken, brushed aside yet AGAIN by Rock, and retaliated to with a quick, chi-laced elbow-strike! Who would have guessed!? The image switches over to Rock intercepting a boulder by kicking it into the -air-, upon which Shenwoo fails to evade the thing.
Macy and Turk still say nothing, as the camera flicks back to the news-room. Both of them are distraught, and Turk manages, after a moment: "...Jesus. Howard certainly has been eating his Wheaties."
Back to the videos. Rock's apparently not the only one who's able to utilize his surroundings to his advantage -- the brawler simply GRABS a chunk of white-hot magma, spins towards Rock, and chucks the thing at him. Despite summoning up all the chi at his disposal, Rock fails to overcome the attack and is sent flying backwards!
One final video... Rock and Shenwoo, bloody and battered, face off with an explosive mess of a volcano behind them. Shenwoo rushes at Rock, Geki-kenning with all his heart, and is once again BRUTALLY countered by the young Howard, sent spiraling backwards, on his last legs! He summons up the strength to rush towards Howard once more, surrounded in a fiery blaze of pure, raw -force-, and THIS time manages to slice through Howard's guard, sending the youth to the ground for good. In the aftermath, Shenwoo can be seen speaking, on friendly terms, with the still-observant Krauser.
The camera fades back to both Macy and Turk, who speak simultaneously, in a rare show of like-mindedness. "And that," they say, "Is everything a fight -should- be."
Macy is first to speak after the Feature Fight displays, with an image of Preston whirling about on an irritated-looking Mobey, while Kenji Ashima is still airbourne, knocked-out, behind him. A quick collage of shots follows, telling the tale of an angry whaler bringing the pain down on an extraordinarily mouthy Englishman. The last image to display is one of Preston, knocked out, with Mobey looking indignant in the background. Macy manages a quick: "Kenji Ashima loses to Preston Alistair Wellington II, while Chaos Agent Richard Mobey determines that the Brit isn't quite respectful enough to earn the title of Champion! Sadly for Mobey, Howard Enterprises does not condone foul play during championship matches, and Preston is still the one to recieve the title belt. We can only assume that dire consequences will follow for Mr. Mobey, as h-"
It's here that the sound cuts out, with Macy still talking behind the sudden RESULTS ROLL and CREDITS ROLL. Turk is making 'cut it out' motions at her, but she isn't noticing them! SO MUCH FOR SMALL TALK.
RESULTS:
MATCH 1 ~ Mizuki AND Himeko VS Hotaru - Mizuki/Himeko
MATCH 2 ~ Shenwoo VS Rock - Shenwoo
MATCH 3 ~ Alan VS Reed - Alan
MATCH 4 ~ Makoto VS Shingo - No Show
MATCH 5 ~ R.Mika AND Frei VS Tran AND Chris - No Show
MATCH 6 ~ Aranha VS Luc - Aranha
MATCH 7 ~ Ryo VS Chun-Li - Chun-Li
MATCH 8 ~ Marisol VS Sada - Marisol
MATCH 9 ~ Ingrid VS Shinobu - No results sent!! (>:|)
MAIN EVENT 1 ~ Kasumi AND Todoh VS Kain - Kain
MAIN EVENT 2 ~ Preston VS Kenji WITH Mobey - Preston TAKES THE CHAMPIONSHIP OH MY (Mobey is uppity)
Log created on 22:53:55 07/12/2007 by Thundercleese, and last modified on 05:31:31 07/13/2007.