Description: A gimmick match that turns a bit sour when Cody and Haggar don't have quite the reunion that people might expect. In the end the match ends up being a fight between Mayor McLargeHuge and Ralf after Cody is carted off by some prison guards for some pie.(Draw between Haggar and Ralf)
It is Wednesday night once again and this time the venue has changed again. Yes folks for two weeks now the fight has not been in The Duck Pond where it usually would take place. There is just way too much awesome going on the past few weeks that even a great place like Duck King's digs cannot contain it all. THat is why a large portion of the park here in Metro City has been roped off to serve as the battle grounds for this weeks Wednesday Night Breakdown. Oh god, please don't let Vega follow this time.
In the center of the roped off area rests a giant ball similar to what one might put a ferret or hampster in to let it exercise. Though tonight it is going to house a rather boozed up mercenary by the name of Ralf Jones who gets introduced first to the crowd which cheers for one of WNB's regulars. The announcer then sets the stage and the crowd goes wild when they are informed that Metro's very own Mayor Mike Haggar will be participating in this fight along with everyone's favorite criminal, Cody.
Duck King himself has not decided to take up announcement duties mostly for the fact he made the mistake of drinking with Ralf, something the fowl named fighter could not keep up with. Instead he is lounging in the back of his El Camino with some ladies tending to the buzzed breakdancer as he gives a thumbs up to the crowd when the announcer points him out.
Sloshed? Ralf? Not at all! He's running on three hours of a strict alcohol diet, though he did slow down a bit after Duck passed out. Maybe it was a little underhanded to success a tequila slammer match, but hey, if the fowl couldn't truck with the big boys, he shouldn't have accepted! Just wait until he sees the bar tab...
Anyway! A long, supressed belch out of the side of his mouth marks his entrance past the roped-off area, hand out to slap against some of the spectators'. He seems to be trying to make just as much noise as they are, and while he's not wobbling around, he still has to be pointed in the direction of the hamster ball once the powers-that-be have decided that he's just taking too damned long. "Oh, yeah! Uh... Buh. HAGGAAAAAAAAAR!" Jones lifts his arms and waves wildly at the large mayor, not having scene him since the epic battle on the ancient Mayan ruins! In his excitement, he runs into the ball, stumbling back while the thing wobbles and wibbles, but doesn't pop out of the concave pedestal that it's it's sitting on. Thank god. Another burp (smaller, this time) and he climbs in. The last thing heard from him before the door is closed and latched behind him is: "Are you sure this thing's got air hol--"
So _that's_ where he went.
Cody only actually gets around to arriving on the scene of the fight as his participation is announced, but his method of arrival is certainly an unorthodox one. He's shoved out of a black sedan flying tiny Japanese flags - the kind that just scream 'this is a diplomat's car'. Far more surprising than that, however, is that he is, for far from the first time in his life, in a prison jumpsuit (albeit this one of Japanese federal prison design) and wearing long-chained manacles on both his hands and feet.
Two obviously armed guards, so obviously because they're carrying automatic weaponry, follow him out and escort him to the designated fighting ring area. Cody, for his part, is far from the crowd-inciting showoff that he was even when wanted in the States. He stares at the ground, arms hanging near-limply in front of him. The crowd's reaction remains the typical cheers for the most part, but there is an audible murmur of confusion and worry, that remains even after the cheering has ceased.
Haggar's arrival is pretty simple - he just strides in from the crowd, to loud cheers. Seriously, they're going nuts, all before Cody actually arrives on the scene. It's been a while again since Haggar has come out, though his reason is much more mundane. Paperwork. Haggar stands still for a long moment, then slowly lifts one finger in the air. The crowd loves it.
The big man glances toward the obviously-drunk Ralf and the ball action, grins, and shakes his head. Oh, that kid. There's some uncertainty, though, as a huge ball can get up to all kinds of hijinx. Just before Cody finally arrives, the Mayor wheels both arms, crouching down and stretching out his legs, before pulling the towel from his shoulder and hurling it to the crowd. He takes a deep breath to steady himself. Been a long time for Haggar, and this fight'll help him warm up for the WORLD WARRIOR TOURNAMENT.
Aaaand... Cody. Haggar's eyebrows shoot up when the sedan rolls up and he's shoved out, and oh great he's in jail again. The big man glances up to the armed guards, whom he can take, and then back down to Cody. Instead of the usual showboating and playing to the crowd, Haggar just folds his arms and stares at him, breaking out the Father Figure Eyes. Few can keep from explaining themselves under Haggar's steel glare!
So it has come down to this. Three men, one ball, and a whole lot of crowd. Duck sits up in his seat some looking still pretty damned drunk off his ass while holding his arms up to try to quiet the people down long enough so he can speak. Getting this together was a bit of a problem, but when Duck threatened to pin a Jessica kidnapping on the prison that was holding Cody they were more than happy to let the ruffian out to play for a day. Cody is a good guy afterall. If he was around more Duck might still pay him as being part of staff, but alas it is not meant to be apparently. He supposes he could always talk to Kim about adopting Cody for reform.
Once the crowd is shushed enough Duck King looks about and nods to each fighter before pointing to the people that were helping seal Ralf in that giant ball of death to give him a push to get him started. Once that is taken care of there is a loud belch that comes from Duck before he slumps back down into the carseat and kinda lays there against one of the girls. Perhaps that was his way of saying 'Fight bitches!'.
Ralf looks up, down, side to side, marvelling at his plastic prison. Unlike Cody, he's in the pokey voluntarily! His mouth stretches wide in a huge yawn, heavy body dropping to take a nice seat on the comfortable bottom of the bubble. While the announcements and greetings go on, Ralf just kind of pokes at the airholes with the tips of his fingers, his chin resting in the other hand, which in turn is supported with an elbow on his knee.
He was NOT expecting to be pushed into action, however.
With a yell that's mostly muffled by plastic, Jones faceplants as the ball rolls down the slight incline it was set on, tumbling over and over like clothes in a dryer. It would seem that the dangerous weapon has been unleashed! Watch out! It's heading right...right...between Haggar and Cody, hitting the jungle gym with a loud bang. That ball's pretty sturdy, though! It doesn't even crack, and Ralf is fighting to get up on his feet, which is harder than it looks! Okay, next time. Seriously, he'll be ready! For now, he's just...trying to get this whole 'moving around' thing down pat.
COMBATSYS: Ralf has started a fight here.
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Haggar has joined the fight here.
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Haggar
COMBATSYS: Cody has joined the fight here.
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Cody 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|
%b%bWhen Cody looks up, it becomes quickly apparent that no explanation will be forthcoming. He looks sick, his face pale and eyes somewhat bloodshot. It becomes almost as quickly apparent that he doesn't want to be here, when he turns around suddenly and attempts to squeeze between his two guards.
%b%b"No," he proclaims, weakly, "Anything but him. You didn't say I'd be fighting him." The guards, however, will have none of it, and shove the American backwards roughly before retreating back to the front of the crowd. Groaning, Cody hauls himself to his feet, nearly falling over again as he does so, and wheels awkwardly about to face Haggar.
%b%b"Alright," he sighs, exhaustedly, "Let's just do this. They said they wouldn't give me any more unless I fought, so just... hurry up." He doesn't even assume a fighting stance, and barely reacts to Ralf's tumbling by in his giant ball; in fact, it seems he hasn't even noticed the massive plastic construct.
Haggar also gives no reaction to Ralf beginning to roll around, though he has noticed him. He simply continues to stare right at Cody, arms crossed eyes locked. He makes no move toward or away from Cody, face carved from stone. He's not angry, however - just very serious.
"Cody." Haggar's voice is a rumble as though the great mountains themselves were speaking, and other impressive metaphors. "What's going on?"
Okay, you move your left foot, the ball moves like that...oh! Don't lean too far forward, or you'll tip over again. Okay, Ralf seems to have gotten the hang of this 'ball' thing. His path takes him a few feet one way, a few feet another way, and then he successfully makes a lap around the monkey bars. Sorted!
The big guy lifts both of his hands up, fingers against the ball as he starts walking, then running. He only stumbles once, causing his path to veer a little to the side, but Haggar's nice and big, even from the side. He'd better get serious here, people are paying good money to watch a fight!
That, and seeing Ralf crash into people like a giant pinball. Take the good with the bad.
"I'm fine!" snaps Cody, pulling a surprisingly quick 180 in disposition, his features twisting suddenly into anger. "Nothing's going on! Just shut up and fight!" Obviously quite irrationally furious, he drops to one knees and frantically scoops up a large stone, almost dropping it several times on the shaky ride back to his feet, where he pulls his arm back and makes to throw it at the enormous mayor.
He stops dead in his tracks, however, when he sees Ralf veering in from the side in a giant Goddamn hamster wheel. "What the fu-"
COMBATSYS: Cody takes no action.
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Cody 0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Ralf successfully hits Haggar with Quick Punch.
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Cody 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|
The big man looks like he'd really like to do something about the giant hamster ball with RALFU in it, but he is far too focused on staring Cody down. He grunts as the ball rolls on into him, knocking him over a few steps and breaking his badass statue-like stance. He elbows the ball more to get it out of the way than anything else, and goes ahead and advances on Cody.
With speed that belies his size, Haggar gets behind Cody and tries to wrap him up in a textbook headlock. He knows Cody - he's more likely to get somewhere with him in the middle of a fight than anywhere else. "Talk to me, Cody!"
Oh, the carnage! The raw, unstoppable fury! The rated-M-for-Mature content! It's Ralfball versus Haggar, and--
*tink*
Oof. Ralf's hands slap against the 'front' of his container as he comes to an abrupt stop, then, as he attempts to stand upright again, falls backwards on his ass, rocking back and forth. It's really quite soothing, actually. The ball rolls away as Jones gets on all fours, taking baby steps in his attempt to stand again.
COMBATSYS: Ralf takes no action.
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Cody 0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|
COMBATSYS: Haggar successfully hits Cody with Quick Throw.
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Cody 0/-------/-----==|=------\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|
[OOC] Haggar says, "UPDATE: Cody is in a headlock."
Cody's so stunned by Ralf's furry rodent-esque antics that he's easily wrapped up in Haggar's steak-like arms. And, once again, he pulls a complete reversal, though this time in message rather than tone. "Leave me alone!" he near-screams, reaching up to claw angrily at Haggar's arms. "Get away from me!"
It doesn't take long for muscle memory to kick in, however, and he grabs ahold of Haggar's arm with something other than his nails, using it like a gymnastics bar to swing his body up and over, simultaneously attempting to twist his head out of the grapple and plant his feet on the back of Haggar's head to force him, face-first, to the ground.
To put it in a noir manner, if all goes well the mayor's head will be like a broken pogo stick made out of meat.
Oh! He's up! He's up! Ralf lifts his fists in righteous celebration, having bested the forces of gravity and smooth, curved surfaces! He's actually yelling out a boisterous "YEEAAAAAH!!!" in his prison, but again, it's muffled and pretty much incoherent. With his muscles warmed up and mind a /tad/ more alert after the constant stumbles, he looks around for--ah! Target acquired!
Yelling all the way, that big plastic bubble churns over grass and dirt alike on its path toward Cody, taking a long, arcing detour to try and bowl into him from the side. Bam!
COMBATSYS: Haggar interrupts Bad Stamp from Cody with Quick Double Lariat.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|===----\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-------|
As Cody swings up on Haggar, and it becomes clear that he's not keeping the headlock for long, Haggar changes it up. He digs his feet into the ground and quickly pivots out from under Cody as his foot comes back around for him, and jumps into the air, TURNING PARALLEL TO THE GROUND, and balling both hands together as he makes one quick spin. The end result is Cody's foot - and legs - and some abdomen colliding with beefy arms and fist. Cody's kick isn't completely worthless, and Haggar still hits the ground hard. The mayor's face, through this all, remains the picture of seriousness.
"Cody, you have to talk to me. Whatever's going on, you know I'm willing to help."
The only thing is...Ralf didn't see the edge of the sandbox he was running over. The curved outside of the ball collides, and suddenly, Ralf (and the ball) fly WAY UP, the speed carrying him in a beautiful arc up and over...and, as luck would have it, COMING DOWN RIGHT AT HAGGAR.
COMBATSYS: Ralf successfully hits Haggar with Strong Punch.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|=====--\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/------=|
The impact of Haggar's sausage-fist sends Cody flying through the air. he impacts the ground just in front of the sandbox Ralf uses as an accidental ramp only moments later, failing to skid to a halt fast enough and banging roughly into the side of the grit-filled playtopia.
Still obviously quite angry, the bethrown Cody scrambles furiously to his feet, cursing both uncharacteristically and violently, and has the presence of mind only to grab angrily at a rock, as was his initial reaction, and hurl it at the Mayor as he climbs to his feet.
[OOC] Cody says, "Oh man."
[OOC] Cody says, "Bad Stone disappeared. :("
[OOC] Haggar says, "waht"
[OOC] Cody says, "I FORGOT HOW TO THROWS ROX"
[OOC] Leona holds Ralf off the ground till Haggar actually poses this time. e.e
COMBATSYS: Cody successfully hits Haggar with Thrown Object.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/------=|
Damnit Ralf is in a huge ball and Haggar can't do anything about that! He's trying not to let the Match's Gimmick distract him, but this time Ralf actually lands on him, sending the mayor sprawling to the ground. He shoves himself back to his feet, scowling, and headbutts the ball to send it careening away from him. He catches the rock coming for him an instant before it hits out of the corner of his eye, and he turns around and headbutts that, too. It backfires, careening off his head instead of shattering and forcing him back a few steps.
So, Cody's not going to talk quite yet. Haggar knows how Cody can get, even if he's being spectacularly un-Cody like. The best way to handle this becomes clear: Knock Cody out, keep the Japanese dudes from taking him again, and cause a diplomatic crisis! He's the MAYOR OF METRO CITY, he does what he wants!
To that end, Haggar comes back at Cody, and punches at his head.
Haggar's headbutt is indeed mighty! The ball holds together once again, but it goes careening back, with Ralf again making like some sort of laundry pile of Downy-softened goodness! Unfortunately, he gets stuck in between the slide and its ladder quite snugly, and Jones seems to have to spend a little while launching himself against the end to get out. You boys are safe this round! Lucky.
COMBATSYS: Ralf takes no action.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/------=|
COMBATSYS: Cody dodges Haggar's Quick Punch.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/------=|
'Dodge' may be a bit of a fancy word for what Cody does. 'Run' would probably be more accurate, as as Haggar advances towards him, he turns and scampers - yes, scampers - away. "Get the hell away from me! And leave me alone! It's none of your business!"
The crowd mumbles and shifts uneasily, unsure whether they're supposed to laugh - be it at or with Cody - and, indeed, unsure for the most part even what's going on.
COMBATSYS: Cody takes no action.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/------=|
Haggar can't punch a man RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM! "Goddamnit--- Cody!" He takes off after him. "Don't tell me what isn't my business! You're the only man I'll let marry my daughter - and you're my GODDAMN FRIEND!" The crowd, here for some Lighthearted Fight Action, is now privy to Soulbaring Shouts! Oh no! The big man, knowing that Cody can easily outrun him, decides to try to nip this in the bud.
Mike Haggar dives forward, rolling briefly, before springing forward off his hands, feet locked out in front of him. The uneven force of the shove causes him to twist slightly in the air, making one complete turn before he crosses the distance to where Cody hopefully is. The shove gave him the boost he needed to even have a chance of catching up to the ex-current?-con.
Eventually, Ralf escapes from the hungry metal steps hell-bent on devouring him! With one last heave of effort, the ball lurches forward with a loud POP, and then it's on its way! Swings are thrown to and fro, out of the gimmick's path. Sand flies! Little wobbly spring-mounted pigs are knocked hard enough to plant their snouts in the soil and jiggle menacingly!
The ball takes a full lap around the roped-off area before Jones, in all of his superbly-attentive glory, sees a train starting. Thank god, it's not the type that's usually associates with cons. No, this is just Haggar running after Cody, and now, Ralf is running after Haggar!
Some wise-ass at the sound controls starts playing Yakity Sax at this moment.
Yelling as if to drive himself hoarse, the Ikari picks up speed, aiming to not only knock Haggar down in front of him, but stomp right over him on his way to Cody next!
COMBATSYS: Cody dodges Haggar's Drop Kick.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/------=|
Cody's like the Goddamn Flash over here. When he hears the telltale sounds of hurt hitting dirt, he glances over his shoulder to see Haggar hurling towards him, and shrieks like Will Smith during a particularly rough session of filming The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
It is close enough, however, that he has to dive forward to get out of the way of the mayor's feet. HE rolls out of the dive and comes to his feet, stumbling to a halt and turning to look at Haggar. "I said stay away from mOH JESUS!" The last part, of course, is due to the encroaching Ralf.
COMBATSYS: Cody takes no action.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|=======\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/------=|
Haggar is absolutely certain right now that he knows what's best for Cody more than Cody does. He's a good kid, deep down, but very susceptible to spirals. One self-destructive thing follows another and so on and so forth until Jessica gets kidnapped and everyone goes and beats up a gang. The Jessica thing, however, is far too inefficient, especially when something nearer is at hand.
Haggar rolls smoothly back to his feet, and then turns around and slams both hands at the ball, trying to halt it. There's a flash of blue light around his hands as he does this. This might be amazing.
COMBATSYS: Haggar counters Strong Punch from Ralf with Power Swing.
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Cody 0/-------/-======|====---\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-======|
CONTACT.
Haggar's giant hands dig /into/ the plastic hampster ball, and with a steady groan of exertion, the wrestler hefts Ralf and his ball up off the ground, OVER HIS HEAD. The crowd goes absolutely insane - and then Haggar turns around to face Cody. The crowd goes insane again for a different reason, immediately diving out of the potential path. For his part, Haggar waits to let them get out of the way--
--before stepping forward twice, leaping forward, and attempting to bring the ball down on Cody's back.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Haggar's Random Weapon.
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Cody 1/-----==/=======|=====--\-------\0 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-======|
Cody looks on in abject horror as Haggar begins wielding Ralf's enormous ball. He's so horrified, in fact, that he can only watch as Haggar hoists the ball and brings it to bear on him. He only regains his senses once it's a bit too late.
OR IS IT?!
When the ball is merely feet from his braincase, some part of Cody's mind that had until now been dormant for the day starts up, and it starts up with vigor. The convict's arms, moving at such speed as to be but a blur, snap outwards, palms open, and... catch the ball.
To be fair, catch may be an overstatement. The massive plastic rolly-prison impacts the man's outstretched arms harshly, pushing him a good foot into the ground, a small crater spreading around his planted feet. "I said," hisses the blonde...
"Leave... me... ALONE!" With that, his fingers tighten, shattering through the plastic of the massive ball (spraying Ralf with mostly harmless plastic flechettes). Cody twists his body slightly, sticking his right foot against the lip of the crater he just formed, and spins.
Haggar's hands come out of the ball roughly, quite possibly bringing with them large chunks of plastic, and halfway through the spin, Cody's entire body erupts in blue light, time slowing to a crawl for a moment before his movement, suddenly accelerated, continues, moving to smash the enormous Ralfball into Haggar's side and release it, sending the pair flying into a nearby public restroom.
COMBATSYS: Haggar fails to counter Random Weapon from Cody with Hammer Thru.
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Cody 0/-------/-------|=======\=------\1 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/-======|
As Cody comes back at Haggar with the ball, he tenses, throwing the plastic caught on his hands aside, bringing his hands down and balling them together. He grits his teeth and plants himself, ready to shove the momentum aside on his shoulder and lay Cody flat.
Haggar was not prepared for Cody to have believed in the Heart of the Cards.
Caught unprepared for the Inspiration Flash, the ball hits Haggar before he's expecting it, ripping him off his feet and sending him twisting into the nearby public restroom. Ladies scream. GOOD JOB, CODY
And so, the restroom experiences a flood (so to speak) of women exiting in a panic. Everyone knows that the wimmenfolk go to power their nose in groups, but this one, christ. It's like a clown car for christ's sake! It may be the crash, but really...it's just the fact that Ralf is free, yelling and roaring and bursting out the door, totally unaware that Haggar lies behind him underneath those sweet stall dividers.
"THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" he yells out, obviously at Cody as he's the only one in sight. The ball is probably cracked in half, having birthed an angry, drunken Ikari. The women's room door is ripped from its hinges before the man rushes out, mouth agape with a mighty bellow. His foot plants in the sand, and then the door is launched like some giant, deadly frisbee. Made of metal. With a door handle.
COMBATSYS: Cody endures Ralf's Large Thrown Object.
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Cody 0/-------/----===|=======\=------\1 Haggar
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Ralf 0/-------/=======|
Cody merely bares his chest to Ralf's frisbee Satan door, the portal shattering against his abdomen and forcing the man a step backwards. With a roar, the blonde crouches down and withdraws from one of his boots a fixed-blade, cheap-looking knife, which he leans back to hurl at Ralf...
And is then promptly simultaneously tackled by three different guards, two American and one Japanese. Four more follow, of a similar ratio (yes, that's correct; a 2:1 ratio with 4 guards. TAKE THAT), until Cody's disappeared under a pile of shouting, restraint-wielding guards.
Looks like somebody's playtime is over.
COMBATSYS: Cody has left the fight here.
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Ralf 0/-------/=======|=======\=------\1 Haggar
Haggar finally explodes out from under everything, bathroom rubble flying everywhere, a pipe clenched firmly in his hot little(big) hand. He immediately starts toward the coppile, a surge of adrenaline causing him to appear larger - it's really just tension in his muscles, honest - but the pile kind of drags out of sight as Americans and Japanese have an epic struggle over everyone's favorite wanted man. Haggar scowls and feels useless and has a rush of various emotions, fist tightening on the pipe until it begins to give under his will.
And now Haggar has a lot of anger, and nobody to take it out on! ...or does he? "Y'know... the audience came here for a fight." He slowly begins to turn toward Ralf. "I figure... this kind of ending isn't fair. What do you say we-" He cuts off abruptly, stepping hard toward Ralf and bringing the heavy pipe toward his chest. The audience, once muttering in confusion, returns to cheering! Clearly it was all a show for their entertainment!
COMBATSYS: Ralf fails to interrupt Random Weapon from Haggar with Galactica Phantom'.
- Power fail! -
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Ralf 0/-------/-======|=======\===----\1 Haggar
The fact that a metal door just...just SHATTERS on Cody is astounding. That the officers simply pile on top of him is something else entirely. Hell, it's funny! No, it's sad. Maybe it's--no, it's funny. Ralf can't help but laugh out loud, just for a few seconds, before he hemms and haws and clears his throat, trying to be all nice about it. "Oi, oi, go easy on the kid, huh...?" Ralf rubs the top of his head, pulling his bandana off to rub over his face, cleaning his skin of the beersweat.
And then...EXPLOSIVO.
"HOLY SHIT!" Eyes widen as he sees an angry Haggar burst out, pipe in hand. It was just surprising, that's all! The Ikari's chest swells before he heaves out a sigh, pulling his right arm back, hand all balled into a fist. "Okay, but lemme warn you, I'm a bit drunk ri--"
He doesn't even get to finish the warning. The pipe slams down hard on his head, and for a bit, his vision blurs and spins. And spins. His cheeks puff, yet the spinning continues. He looks a bit green. He looks like... He looks like...
"HOOOORRLGALGLALA" Yes, that's a real word. Its the word that means 'Ralf just threw all the hell up on Haggar'.
With the pipe bent over the second most important part of Ralf's body, Haggar tosses it aside. The damn things are never good for more than one use anyway. The Mayor's face is clouded - eyes dark with anger. He's not angry at Ralf, but he's sure as hell going to take it out on him. No sooner does he step back and fall into his wrestling stance than Ralf /vomits all over him./
Haggar's lids become heavy, and he stares flatly at Ralf. "Good god, son, get ahold of yourself." Now, Haggar has lived many years, and this isn't the first time another man has vomited all over him. Not the first time he's done exactly this in response, too. Haggar reaches for his suspender and lifts it from his chest and releases, the vomit on that clearing as it snaps back against the skin. Then his ankles twist, and with no windup whatsover, he begins spinning rapidly toward Ralf, arms held rigidly out to either side. Vomit clears from his body with the momentum, leaving him more or less sparkling-clean.
You better believe those pants are Dockers.
COMBATSYS: Haggar successfully hits Ralf with Spinning Clothesline.
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Ralf 1/-----==/=======|=======\=====--\1 Haggar
Unfortunately, the spinning-clean method leaves Ralf kind of bloodied. The mayor's Fist of Justice smashes hard into the mercenary's mush, splitting lip and bending nose, the points both spraying a smidge of blood all over the cute little ducky spring ride that some poor kid's going to have to look at tomorrow. It's bad enough that the place will be covered in sawdust from the nast. Really, Haggar. Have some respect.
However! The jar to his sensitive brainmeats stopped the world a-spinnin', and for the first time in a good ten minutes, he wonders...what the HELL is he doing here? A hand reaches up to cradle his jaw, taking a moment to look at it after it pulls away. Eyes scrunch shut and then blink. And then, there's Haggar, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, looking pissed as hell and more than a little --no. No, he's pretty clean. So WHY is he on his case?? "HEY! Hey, easy big fella!!" Ralf gets up, taking a couple of cautious steps back. "Easy, easy..." And then, without warning, he rushes forward while he's still on his adrenaline high. God forbid he was still drunk, this is the SECOND TIME this week he's been knocked sober! DAMMIT! The Ikari rushes in low, arms out and ready to just ram his shoulder into Haggar's dockers. DOWN. DOWN, YOU BIG, HAIRLESS BEAST.
COMBATSYS: Haggar endures Ralf's Umanori Vulcan Punch!
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Ralf 0/-------/-----==|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Haggar
Ohgod Ralf is big and hitty. Haggar is also big and hitty but Ralf has that kind of Small Plucky Action going for him that makes him pretty much equally Big and Hitty when you draw up diagrams and work out the math and solve an equation that looks like pasta. In short, he beats Haggar around the thigh and ab region, more than a few punches bouncing off his gods-blessed cup.
What Ralf may not realize until just now was that Haggar isn't fighting to win, he's just fighting to work out anger at basically being useless for his closest friend. He's /let/ Ralf get all nice and close, so that he could do THIS.
The big man bends at the waist, clamping both mighty hands down on Ralf. (More if)
COMBATSYS: Haggar has reached second wind!
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Ralf 0/-------/-----==|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Haggar
COMBATSYS: Haggar successfully hits Ralf with Market Economy Buster.
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Ralf 0/-------/-======|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2 Haggar
[OOC] Ralf says, "Man. Dodge, you suck."
And Haggar LIFTS! And BENDS! Ralf is like a doll in his hands as he bridges back, slamming the Ikari body-first into the ground. "MARKET!" He tucks in and rolls back along the ground, pulling him up and over for another hard, ground-shaking slam. "ECONOMY!"
And with the third roll he springs up off the ground, soaring high in the air in a deadly somersault with Ralf in tow, landing in one of the most perfect german suplexes ever witnessed BY MORTALS. "BUSTEEEEEEER!" He landed right in the sandbox, causing a tremendous pillar of the stuff to rise from it, like a bomb hitting the water.
OH! OH GOD! OH JESUS, HE--OH, HIS NECK! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT! GOOD CHRIST, MAN!!!
Ralf beats and beats away at the respectable mayor, which makes the fact that he's GRABBED something of an enormous surprise. Stuggle as he might, the bigger lad has quite a grip on him (it must be all that practice with the 'other' lads) and he just can't break free. It's bad news, as his spine crunches with a-one, then a-two, and a-three! Thank god the last smash was in the sandbox. It softened the blow a little. What DIDN'T soften the blow was the wooden underside deep below. That, and the sand in his mouth! Ugh!
Once his body falls over and his head is popped out of the hole, a long spurt of coughing and spitting follows. The sand is NASTY. It tastes like some kid peed in it! GROSS! Wobbly legs lift him up, and he almost falls over again. Almost. It's a good thing that Haggar's right there. There to touch. There to feel. There to wrap his arms around. Oh~
COMBATSYS: Ralf can no longer fight.
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Haggar 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|
[OOC] Ralf says, "DO IT"
[OOC] Ralf says, "DO IT, YOU MEAT FOUNTAIN"
COMBATSYS: Haggar endures Ralf's Northern Lights Bomb.
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Haggar 2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|
COMBATSYS: Haggar takes no action.
COMBATSYS: Haggar can no longer fight.
Apparently, Haggar LIKES men grabbing at him. Thank god though, this is a FAMILY show. FAMILY. Ralf doesn't molest, he just lifts Haggar up, struggling under the weight of the bastard. The bulk rests on his shoulder, and then....then, Ralf passes out, falling to the earth below. With Haggar.
Haggar and Ralf are now motionless, intertwined forever, or at least until officials pull them apart and throw them in ice water baths.
Well that didn't quite go as expected. Perhaps it wasn't the greatest of ideas to try and pit Cody against Haggar under the current circumstances. Too bad Duck has been so trashed through the event that he is pretty unsure what the hell happened. Hopefully the repairs for the park aren't added to the already bloated tab he has to pay for Ralf. Good thing Haggar doesn't drink too or he might have to shut down the Pond.
DJ Buddy Lee is awake and fully sober though. Which is probably why he is in the driver's seat of the El Camino. "Winner.....hell. THE CROWD!" he calls out as the crowd cheers on the two contestants as they have a sleepy manhug with one another. Women in skimpy nurse uniforms go to tend to the pair and try to remove them from one another as the El Camino starts hopping up and down and off into the night. o/`
Log created by Duck, and last modified on 19:00:32 02/23/2007.