Neo League 526 - #537: Preston vs Birdie

Description: Preston and Birdie duke it out in Korea, on PANDA BEARS. It's a really close fight that you don't want to miss! This is because it's on PANDA BEARS. TWO GUYS FROM ENGLAND FIGHTING ON PANDAS. DISCLAIMER: NO PANDA'S WERE HURT IN THIS FIGHT. (Winner: Preston)

"Well, they've really fuckin' outdone themselves this time."

New to the circuit, but nevertheless unimpressed with the latest idea they've come up with, the tall brute of Preston stands to one side of the area that's been setup for the sanctioned brawl between two heavy hitters. It's a pleasant enough locale, if not for the fact that it's right in the middle of no where. Korea, to be precise, within the thick jungles that aren't yet connected to the world's fastest DSL. But that isn't why the Brit is unimpressed.

He's staring at the giant panda's they've got harnessed up for the battle.

"Battle panda's? Are they serious?

"I didn't even think Korea had fuckin' panda's to begin with."

Whatever his complaints, the situation seems very plain. The combatants are due to fight atop the backs of these celestial animals, who are likely to be too busy wanting to eat the nearby bamboo stalks that have been brought in for the battle. This is quite possibly the stupidest idea that Preston has ever heard of. "How the hell did they make them so bloody big?" he further questions the organizers, who have few answers for him as to why the black-and-white specimens are a whopping nine feet tall and more the size of a polar bear than a...

"Did you fucks spray-paint polar bears? Is that what this fuckin' is?"

Topless and sporting his signature oar across his shoulders, the Brit looks far from impressed as he continues to rant and rave at the producer for the fight.

Now, Preston isn't the only Brit here. Birdie actually steps into the ring himself. They're probably both huge and from Britain. And fighters. It seems Britain pumps out fighters now a days. Almost as much as America does.

Still, Birdie had a hell of a time finding the place as it's in Korea and he's never went anywhere other than all over the world, but even then it's almost impossible to miss Korea at some point. They have Chang and Choi. Those guys get all the attention.

Still, they don't get to fight on top of Panda Bears now do they? No, they don't. They're so damn lucky. Birdie shows up finally, in the thick jungles looking at the bears. "Hah. What in the bloody 'ell is this." The ogre states as he looks down.

"These bears have got to be the most built I've ever damn seen. Gotta have been given at least ten pounds of steroids." Birdie suggests in a rather dumb manner. "Anyways," He states looking to panda, "you're not supposed to be fighting the producer. You're supposed to be fightin' me mate."

Birdie has no problems with fighting on a bear. He might crush the panda though. But judging by how they're platforms, probably not.

Maybe today is the day where Preston and Birdie team up to wrassle bears. But probably not. Panda's are docile creatures by nature.

Well if Preston isn't the only Brit here, then there's going to be another label for him! The son of a Duke turns from the producer as he hears an accent he's familiar with; or rather, he hears no accent at all! Letting the producer's shirt go, he ambles off to size his opponent up.

And for about the second time in his fighting career, the youth feels outsized. It's a very rare feeling for him, but there it is. "Christ, you're black," he begins, staring up as one hand rests on a hip. His grip shifts in the oar, and he considers whether it's going to be of any use whatsoever against the ogre. "Seems they're wantin' us to climb on the fuckin' back of these things and fight each other. Where'bouts you from? That Manchester I'm hearin' on your voice there, son?"

Despite that though, the organizers are quick to usher both combatants towards their respective beasts of burden. Ambling away, Preston seeks to mount his bear.

And it's quite the ordeal, even with handlers assisting to push him up onto it. "Oi, you fuckers, watch the hands!" he roars down at them, displaying his abusive nature. He finally knocks them all away and leaps atop the back of his beast, landing in the saddle. Then after careful consideration for his crotch, he straightens into a stand. They're broad enough in the back for him to do so, but from the glance he gives downwards, he clearly doesn't care for the animal.

Seizing the reins in his free hand, he waves the oar in front of him. He's ready to go!

COMBATSYS: Preston has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Preston          0/-------/-------|

And there's another title for Birdie as well. The thug looks towards Preston without a care. Birdie, on the other hand, has to deal with many different things, such as finding out how to get on the damn bear. He thinks he might just hands stand onto it or something. He's not sure.

But then he looks at Preston, "And you're white." He just answers in turn, obviously giving him an eye for an eye. The chain around his left arm doesn't seem to move. It just stays taught around his arm, and obviously heavy. Really heavy. "Bristol." Birdie states, "And they want us to do what?" Birdie just realizes and lets out a laugh.

Grabbing onto his own beat of burden, he grabs hold and easily wrenches himself up into the saddle. Now, Birdie can barely sit still any longer. He's twisting and turning and it's just not working. The whole damn thing seems wrong.

"What the hell. This doesn't seem bloody right." Birdie groans as he tries to swivel to make it better to no avail.

Half way through he might just use it as a weapon. God.

COMBATSYS: Birdie has joined the fight here.

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Preston          0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0           Birdie

Standing on the back of his beast, Preston smirks as he notices the discomfiture that grips his opponent. He's bigger, and definitely blacker, but he's no Rock. Chris Rock, that is. "Somethin' wrong there, son? Just try standin' on it. They don't seem to mind too much. Well, they probably do, but just tug on the reins.

"Guess you never ridden a horse huh? Probably never found one big enough for ya, right? Bristol though... well."

Whatever his thoughts on Bristol, they fall by the wayside as the producer signals for the start of the fight in typical fashion; 'Go for broke... ready... FIGHT!'

And with that, the fight begins. The panda's... they are slow at best. Preston's creeps forward under the guidance of his feet, and he gestures for Birdie to indeed bring it. If one can properly interpret the way in which he waves his oar, beckoning the taller man towards him. He also looks as though he's reconsidering whether to stand, with the undulating of the massive panda's body. "Oooh fuck me, this is gonna be fun..." he grouses.

Now, Birdie's never ridden a horse. Birdie's never did any of that pansy shit. Birdie was a pro wrestler with another guy that didn't make the cut. Or probably Birdie didn't either, as he took to a life of crime right after that. But that's not important right now.

The important thing is getting the panda TO GO. Which it does, after a few pushes. And Birdie doesn't just sit. As Preston states you can slow, well, he does. Getting up, Birdie balances his figure on the slow but stocky panda bears. He keeps his eyes on Preston.

Slowly... slowly they're meeting each other after the fight starts. GO PANDAS. "Naw. Never did, and if I did I think I wouldn't either." Birdie answers only for the man to grouse at the UNDULATING of the panda. That's a fun word.

But as Preston grouses, BIRDIE LEADS. Which means he rears back one of his massive, stocky legs and leads forward with it, trying to kick Preston in the head rather quickly and make up his mind FOR HIM.

COMBATSYS: Preston endures Birdie's Light Kick.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Preston          0/-------/-----==|-------\-------\0           Birdie

And while the tall youth is busy trying to decide between the two, a remarkable amount of time goes by -- enough time for the slow-moving panda's to near each other, and for the fight to commence! That big foot of Birdie's, and its relatively slow (but not compared to the panda, it's downright quick compared to them) approach draws the vulgar youth out of his mental indecision, and he makes one right then and there.

Opting to test the mettle of this brute, Preston leans into the strike; it clips the side of his head, threatening to take him right off the back of the panda with the sheer brawn -- perhaps the superior brawn -- that Birdie brings to the fight. Reeling, he twists aside though, his cheek smudging nevertheless even as he works his legs for his counter-thrust. Those tree-trunk like objects push forward, propelling his body back into an upright stance, and he's brought a friend with him.

Not the panda though, no. It's his oar instead, which he swings through with into an uppercut, gripping it halfway up the shaft. The broad blade brings a delivery of blunt trauma right for Birdie's chin, as he retaliates in kind. "Try this son, you need more fuckin' ruffage!" he roars the words, balancing precariously on the back of his panda as he swings right on through!

COMBATSYS: Birdie endures Preston's Fierce Strike.

[    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Preston          0/-------/-----==|===----\-------\0           Birdie

And Birdie, not unlike Preston, takes the blow in stride. The uppercut delivered by the man's oar is certainly a wake up, if anything. He leans right into it, testing the oar itself in an effort to break it with his chin! But he doesn't. It doesn't shatter, but instead, it strikes cleanly, causing Birdie undue pain for his endeavors.

Though he isn't knocked off. Instead, he grabs a hold of his panda, trying to actually use the panda to his advantage, the girth holding him down... but at a cost. As he's knocked up, he comes down once more, his head rattling on his shoulders. "Ugh, bloke, you hit like a damn train." Birdie announces as he goes right for sizing up the other man.

Sure he's strong, but there was just something different about him. Probably because of the oar and being almost as brawny as Birdie. It's like he's fighting his sick self. It's kind of unsettling.

"Try this, bloke. This'll put hair on your chest!" And Birdie attempts a single thing. A quick slash down with his head, using his follicles to cut down... and then trying to actually grab the man's chest with it, and pull him up and out of his seat! Probably behind him if he's able.

COMBATSYS: Preston blocks Birdie's Bull Spike.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////       ]
Preston          0/-------/---====|==-----\-------\0           Birdie

Yes, they're almost like bizarre versions of each other. If Birdie's bizarro version were white, and armed with an oar; Popeye?

Regardless, the strike doesn't prove as impressive as Preston had hoped. He had anticipated to see even this monstrously large brute go flying off the panda, not simply hop up and down! Momentarily, doubt seizes the shorter Brit; can he really topple this giant? But a smirk seizes his features as that headbutt plummets for him. Fears are cast aside as he lets that spiky hair slash into his chest; but the attempt to grab him is blocked, his own brawny arms sinking into the path to prevent the attempt to grab him and send him flying.

"Not that easy, son!" he warns the taller Birdie, as his free hand then shoots out for the throat.

It's a simple choke, intended to momentarily stun; but that isn't the point of the attack. What is, is the sudden swell of chi that will follow, as it manifests in the air behind Preston. Three elongated spikes of blue-white, which drive forward to strike at Birdie's impressive bulk!

COMBATSYS: Preston successfully hits Birdie with Cape Horn Fever.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Preston          0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0           Birdie

There are things that are meant to be. And then there are thing that are not. This was something not meant to be. Birdie's unable to really get out of there fast enough, to actually move into the strike. Instead, it just hits him head on. The man grabs the taller Birdie's throat, hitting him dead on. It grapples him, constricting him so that he could not face it.

Instead, the swell of chi behind him stab into Birdie's chest and throat, crashing into him and literally sending him reeling back, and almost off the panda. He's very close to falling off, but instead, he looking towards Preston and grunts, forcing himself back on, head of panda against head of panda.

"Alright then bloke, I'll freakin' play your game." And so Birdie does, jumping from one panda... ATTEMPTING TO SEIZE PRESTON'S PANDA. And once he's there, he tries to grab hold of Preston. The next thing you can imagine is just head butt city. And if that goes through, Preston might be too stunned to stop the cut down and flip he just tries a second before. Birdie is a master of the 'do it until it works' method.

COMBATSYS: Preston dodges Birdie's Bull Revenger.

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Preston          0/-------/-======|==-----\-------\0           Birdie

And it seems that those things not meant to be continue. The shorter Brit watches very closely, eyes squinted at Birdie as that strikes homes in and sinks deep. Retaliation is destined; it always comes, always. And when it does, this time Preston is even more ready. Despite his size... there's always been a bit of speed about him, an uncanny ability to simply get the HELL out of the way of something that would otherwise destroy him.

So when Birdie leaps from panda to panda, the son of a Duke retaliates in turn -- he leaps as those hands come from, descending right off the back of the panda -- and hits the ground. Danger neatly evaded, he breathes a sigh of relief. He could feel those hands about to get a firm grip of him... and he knows that if that had happened, there would have been a world of unending hell awaiting him thereafter. "Got a good grip on you there, don't ya, son? But if you want to play my game, let's step it up a notch!"

Brave words. In truth, Preston wants to keep the utter hell away from Birdie, but in order to win this he'll need to get down and dirty. And without further adieu, he slams forward, aiming to topple the panda over and send Birdie for a tumble!

COMBATSYS: Birdie interrupts Medium Throw from Preston with Murderer Chain.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////                 ]
Preston          1/----===/=======|====---\-------\0           Birdie

Birdie completely misses, headbutting air as Preston dodges left. Dodges right. Hell he might as well fly because Birdie's no where in the way. And then this comes, and Birdie isn't just going to let the smaller brit one up him without doing some damage. Oh no. He's had really bad luck with this, but he's going to try to try it anyways.

As Preston comes closer, slamming the panda over, or at least trying, Birdie doesn't protest. Instead, the chain on his hand is unraveled as he hurls it towards the other Panda Rider. He's fairly sure he isn't going to let the man get away this time. As his panda falls over, the heavy links make contact around Preston's throat. And when the do, Birdie pulls tightly. "Alright bloke. I got my grip!" Birdie calls, "But it ain't on my bloody panda!"

And so, Birdie pulls up on the chain hard, aiming to send Preston into the air with the swirling links, and, just so he doesn't get any idea, pull once he's reached the peak of the throw, vaulting him straight down into the ground where the links would untighten and let the mad go.

It's been forever since that worked. BUT IT DID.

Well suffice it to say ... that did NOT go as planned!

His attempt to knock the panda down gone quite awry, the shorter Brit is sent for one hell of a tumble of his own thanks to the interruption of the ogre. "Oh you son of a bitch!" he roars, pulling himself out of the jungle mud that covers the floor of their arena. The panda quite happily starts chewing on some bamboo.

But wait, his voice... that wasn't a roar at all, but more like a squeak. He lifts a hand to his throat, where the links of that chain dug in deep. His hand comes away wet with more than just mud, and for a moment... he sees red. Blood, that is! And also the rise of anger, as only he can; "Fucker..."

And without further adieu, he streams forward, a mountain of flesh barreling down on Birdie -- an even larger mountain of flesh! By comparison, for once Preston is simply a foothill. But as he charges, he points a finger at the ground beneath Birdie -- as for a moment, his body seems to glow with that same energy he discharged moments earlier. And then it winks out -- only to reappear beneath the opponent!

A huge burst of chi explodes, like a fountain rising into the air. And if Birdie is caught within it, he can expect to meet the leaping Preston mid-flight to bring him back to earth, with the oar driven deep into his belly!

COMBATSYS: Preston successfully hits Birdie with Azimuth Circle.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////                        ]
Preston          0/-------/------=|=======\=------\1           Birdie

Birdie just watches Preston. OH HE'S GOT HIS EYE ON YOU, SON. And he does too. It's because Birdie is crazy, and he's not going to stop being crazy until the snot is beaten out of him.

"Hahaha. Bloke you shoulda saw your face." Birdie states as Preston rises at him, calling him names and everything. "Cheep cheep. Hahahaha." Birdie states as he's ready for anything. ANYTHING! Nothing will shake this black behemoth! Except the next thing. And that's Birdie losing his vision of Preston... only for a burst of water to appear beneath him.

"What in the bloo-" Birdie calls before he's shot up into the air, Preston coming at him with the oar and knocking him down painfully into the ground. Birdie, slowly getting up, just looks at him. He's bloody, battered, and broken. But what the hell. He's still going to do it.

As Preston comes down to earth, Birdie accelerates towards him, attempting to grab hold of the man and beat him. More headbutts. More HEADBUTTS. And the exact same thing, trying to stab him and throw him over his head into a panda. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW BIRDIE ROLLS.

"EYAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He's tired but like hell that ever stopped him.

COMBATSYS: Preston blocks Birdie's Bull Revenger.

[                 \\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////                         ]
Preston          0/-------/---====|=------\-------\0           Birdie

After dropping Birdie back to the ground, it seems that... the big black brute gets right the hell back up. Damn. "Oh that's just not right," Preston declares, having felt for certain that such a devastating blow would have been the end of the plucky brute. He knows what's coming; it will be pain.

The expected comes. The head descends, time and time again, and time and time again, with most met by the blocking forearms of the shorter Brit which creak ominously, threatening to buckle if not break under the barrage of blows. Finally he's skewered by that damnable hair, and sent for the ride of his life into the remarkably not-soft bulk of a panda. "Christ, thought they'd be like a fuckin' teddy bear," he grouses as he pulls himself back up, shrugging off the bulk of the damage. That's how brute's roll.

Cracking his neck, he casts a weary eye on Birdie. Definitely, strength lies with that guy. The last time Preston was at this much of a disadvantage, it was against Honda. And this guy isn't quite as fat as that chink was. "Been fun fightin' ya," he admits to his countryman, before moving for what he hopes will be a final, decisive blow.

Oh it probably won't be, but it's a nice thought all the same.

Thundering in, he collects his oar along the way, scooping it off the ground without barely breaking stride. With a gutteral roar, he seizes all of his strength into one simple goal.

Smothing Birdie with his underarm.

And in the same motion, clotheslining him with enough force to send the brutier brute flying for the other panda!

COMBATSYS: Preston successfully hits Birdie with Running Rigging.
Glancing Blow

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///                           ]
Preston          0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0           Birdie

Birdie just looks at the man. He looks right towards Preston as he breathes heavily in his weakness. Birdie's not going to get out of this, but he sure as damn will try. So as Preston tries to go for him, Birdie still puts up a fight.

Birdie's a dog being hunted down. Hell you can't be in the Neo League without beating this brute. Still, as the large brute is getting ran ragged, Preston doesn't stop coming, so Birdie just has to do what he can. AND HE DOES. Some what. As the man hurls himself towards him, Birdie backs off, trying to get get away. "Yeah, you too, bloke." Birdie states as he clamps his teeth, the gutteral roar of the man causing Birdie to trip up on the stupid bear and fall head first towards the ground where Preston gets the rest of the time grabbing him and shoving him into the other panda. "Fucking pandas." Birdie mutters as he goes head over heals for them.

But at Preston's feet... !! IT'S A CHAIN. And Birdie's going thatta way. So the chain, like those funny cartoons, is quickly being used up.

If Preston is like Duke, it'll grab hold and pull him RIGHT AFTER the brute. If he's not Duke he's fine.

Either way, Birdie goes unconscious on top of a PANDA. And it wasn't because he was DRINKING. YEAH.

COMBATSYS: Birdie can no longer fight.

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Preston          0/-------/--=====|

COMBATSYS: Birdie successfully hits Preston with Bandit Chain.

[                         \\\\\  <
Preston          1/------=/=======|


The chain goes tight under Preston's leg, and before he knows it he's rather comically drawn after the black brute. He even waves back and forth, a short scream cut off as he abruptly SLAMS into the panda as well. Unlike Birdie though... he gets back up.

"Fuck you're one tough son of a bitch," he growls the words out, paying respect to the unconscious black man. "Pity about the flesh tone though."

Racist as ever, Preston turns and staggers off, as the credits roll for the fight. Thanks to a 7-second delay, none of the racism or the swearing is allowed to grace the ears of the young who watch and admire those brave fighters!

And after the credits, a disclaimer announces that no real panda's were used for the fight, and that the stuntmen inside of the panda suits were not in any way harmed excessively.

COMBATSYS: Preston has ended the fight here.

Log created on 16:24:29 10/22/2007 by Birdie, and last modified on 06:27:20 10/23/2007.