Neo League 476 - #485: Brian vs Katana

Description: In Russia, Brian and Katana fight within a Marble Ring, with BEARS at each side in cages.. although these poor things have been Zangief'd so they're worse off. Poor Bears. Watch for MASSIVE SPILLS, CHILLS, and THRILLS. (Winner: Katana)

RUSSIA. Land of Commies, Catholics and Czars... Tsars... However the hell you spell it. Since the fall of the Soviet Union, they've had problems transitioning to a more democratic, capitalist system, and it shows. Mainly in the fact that the remenants of the Cold War still surround them, and the overall way of life has not changed much for many people. Unless one is in the Government or the Red Mafia, they're pretty much still in the same hole you were before.

This is not to say that there have not been some changes. It's easier to get food now, and people can actually choose what profession they want to have their spirits crushed by. Bootleg CDs and software are available by the pound. And Friday? Friday, the country celebrated it's first annual Conception Day, wherein couples were encouraged to stay home from work and boink. The First National Day of Nookie went over surprisingly well, encouraging even the non-married and non-committed to stay home and boink as well... or go out and pick up someone to boink. The whole country was practically one big orgy.

Apparently, many people extended the Humping Holiday into a three day event, given the drained and sore looks on a good third of the people in the audience. A lot of cigarettes are being smoked. Usually a standing-room only kind of thing, the NeoLeague fight tonight is apparently a sit-down event, with people bringing all manners of chairs as to sit and watch the fight here, in the middle of Red Square. Moscow is a pretty place. With the Kremlin towering over the fighters, it should prove to be interesting. And to spruce up the event, four cages sit at each corner, each containing a giant grizzly that bears the mental scars of having to train with Zangief. Their souls look so... broken.

The first of the two fighters isn't exactly happy to be here, however. A full-blooded American, he remembers the hatred of the Red Menace, and the anticommunist propaganda he was fed constantly as a child... well, more like forced down his throat with a frickin' firehose... has welled up as he paces around the roped-off area of the square. The stiff soles of his boots clack on the hard surface as the jangle of his spurs carry through the cold air. Brian Battler, the Texas Tornado, spits an ungodly dark mass onto the marble with a scowl.

Well, while the full blooded American comes from .. AMERICA, this full bloodied Japanese Man in traditional Japanese attire and traditional Japanese wear and Japanese beliefs with Japanese interests and Japanese culture .. IS ALSO .. a full blooded American. He just believes he has been cursed. CURSED TO LIVE HIS LIFE AS A WHITE MAN INSTEAD OF JAPANESE.

But he had been there. Yes, Katana would not turn down a challenge, especially since he was part of making one, randomly tossing his name into the ring to perhaps intrigue some man who could tell him where in the world .. was that darn boat. WITH HIS TRUCK. Brian would probably have unfortunately felt it. Even in an NL match. Even in.

While Brian Battler would have to wait, it wouldn't be for long. A man, almost as large as Brian but missing a good half a foot comes, charging through the cold weather as he tries to keep himself warm. But he would only see the bears and the man when he got there. So he would be fighting a giant, as well .. as BEARS. Even if the Bears are unfortunately not as spirited as Katana .. but that is why the bears are failures. FAILURES!

Arriving, Katana points towards Brian as the sandals, in socks, are nearly frozen solid already. "A-A-ARE YOU BRAIN .. B-B-b-attler?!" Katana yells out, pointing, before leaping into the ring without a thought. Not even a second though. "I, KATANA, of the Mad Gear Gang, will fight you on this day .. this cold .. cold miserable day .. FOR EVEN IN THE COLD AREAS OF RUSSIA, MY JAPANESE SPIRIT BURNS BRIGHT AND WARM .. warm like .. a fire... that'd be nice."

And then he looks to Brian. His mask almost 100% frozen to his face.

"Katana, eh?" the Texan says, tipping his worn cowboy hat at the loud weebawoo. "Lotta bluster for a white boy with from Metro." Brian's read this guy's file, he's got a few bits of knowledge that he managed to dredge up. Adjusting his work jacket, unbuttoning it to allow for better movement while fighting, the man continues, "So, where's this truck of yours? I was half expectin' t' see ya roll on up next t' Clint Eastwood."

For the uninitiated viewers at home, there is a cut to a small snippet of the 1978 film 'Every Which Way but Loose', with Katana's head superimposed onto an orangutan for humor value.

"In any case, y'should know better, tinhorn. It can get mighty cold 'round Metro, after all, so ya should've brought somethin' that'd keep ya from needin' t' change yer name t' 'Popsicle'."

HOCK. Patoo. Splat. "Speakin' of sickles, I done heard there was another part to that. Y'know. Th' hammer. Like what I'm gonna do t' yer skull, boy. So make yer peace with whatever Jap gods ya want, I'm about t' drop some pain on ya."

Pre-fight bluster is always fun. It helps ratings.

COMBATSYS: Brian has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Brian            0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Katana has joined the fight here.

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Brian            0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0           Katana

Even as he freezes, even as Brain calls him a white boy, Katana responds to the truck first. "It .. was VALIANT. It had done what it was needed to do! .. And I will rescue it in due time. But for now, it must weather time alone, as I weather time alone from it as well!" Katana responds. He doesn't even respond to the white boy comment. Surely, he was mistaken. Katana was as Japanese as possible! Katana IS a Japanese name! So why this man doesn't agree is beyond him!

"Popsicle .. is not a traditional Japanese name! It is an American name for a frozen treat! And I am far from a treat, or America! I shall show you what happens to those who mock my heritage!" That's when Brain continues, talking about hammering his skull. Haggar beat him to it, but that doesn't mean the Texan won't be able to!

And Katana, jitte out and held infront of him, are spun slightly, before he grabs for them. "I will make this ... QUICK AND PAINFUL!" Holding them outwards, Katana poses, before pointing towards Brian. "Now ... TO THE FIGHT!"

That's when the Shogun, who had been mostly shivering an immobile, a light covering a frost nearly covering on him, bursts into ACTION. And nearly slips on the marble, the sandals not the best for such conditions. ".. This time I mean it!"


He gets some traction this time, and launches towards Brain, lunging, his rather large body erupting in a quick movement towards Brain, the football wonder! Hah! Football! The Japanese made far better .. like ... CATCHING FISH IN PAPER NETS. Meanwhile, both the jitte's blades try to imbed themselves into Brian's body! Both tips, that is, on each jitte. It's a bit angled.

COMBATSYS: Brian endures Katana's Fierce Strike.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Brian            0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0           Katana

( Oh, Lord, save me. )

"Look, boy, in case y' forgot, the U.S. of A. bombed the Japs so hard their dicks shrunk," the former linebacker mutters, shaking his head. "If y'wanna say yer lack of 'male endowment' is from bein' Jappy, I ca--" Then the weapon comes out, and the Texan's scowl deepens and his eyes roll. "Those ain't even swords, ya dumbass. I guess I'm gonna hafta thump ya t'get some sense back in that thick skull of yers." With that, Brian starts walking towards Katana, even as the man lunges at him with those weapons.

Poke. Ow.

Brian doesn't even flinch as the attack hits home. Jacket and hide punctured, the Texan balls up his giant fist in front of Katana's face. Giving his victim a moment to see what's about to cause him pain. With a smile, he winds up and sends his fist flying in an upward arc towards the weebawoo's solar plexus with enough force to leave an imprint of his hand on a lesser man's spine.

COMBATSYS: Katana counters Fierce Punch from Brian with Shiraha Catch.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Brian            0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0           Katana

As the jitte slam into the man's hide and jacket, Katana .. doesn't get too far. "The Jitte... WHY!?" Katana calls out, looking at the blades, as well as Brian. "My spirit .. MY SPIRIT WAS WITHIN THOSE BLADES!" And yet they BOUNCED OFF. Well. That's something to tell to the Japanese alright.

His poor, poor spirit. Broken against an Americans MUSCLED CHEST.

That's when Katana looks at the muscled fist the is raised infront of Katana's face. Through the mask, Katana can see the giant fist. And then .. he winds up .. and with all his strength, it's smashed towards Katana's solar plexus. Katana ... while brave, panics.

And he tries to do the first thing that comes to mind. To catch it somehow. To make it not strike. Which is when he goes for the wrist.. and actually catches it. "What?" Katana looks up, to see. "... Hahhaa! Do you see now?! Japan's spirit burns within me .. and I WILL DEFEAT AMERICA!"

Or something. But the fact remains is that Katana uses the force of the punch, twisting Brian's arm, whipping him around to drag on the ground once, and then tosses him upwards towards a cage.

There is a bear there. And even if Brian isn't good eating material, and that Zangief tamed it.. it is still .. A BEAR.

Okay, the bluster and bravado should probably end now. Arm caught and then sent into the air, the nearly 350-pound mound of muscle comes crashing down on the bars of the cage, bending them in the shape of his shoulder. That was unpleasant, and it kinda messed his shoulder up a bit. Standing, he rotates the arm, a loud pop heralding the return of joint into socket.

The bear, for it's part, immediately sits down as the flying mass comes towards it, scooting back on it's hinders and into a corner. The look on the animal's countenance is that of fear and confusion, it's body language showing a high degree of fear. Seems to be protecting it's backside.

"Oh, you're gonna pay fer that, boy," he mutters, snorting like a an angry bull. Planting his foot against the base of the cage, Brian launches towards Katana. Like a mack truck, he bears down upon the pseudo-samurai, attempting to run Katana down like roadkill. Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge.

COMBATSYS: Brian successfully hits Katana with Hyper Tackle.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Brian            1/-------/=======|====---\-------\0           Katana

As Brian launches towards Katana, Katana had been laughing! Hahahah! How can this man challenge him at all, if he could merely even match up to him! But in the end.. things take a turn for the worse. "I don't think Japan will pay .. FOR ANYTHING!" Katana cries out, before he sees Brian rushing towards him like a mack-truck, attempting to RUN HIM DOWN. And while Brain impacts head on, Katana .. IS ran down. "ANCESTORS HELP ME!" That's when Katana's brought down. DOWN TOWN. His body slams hard, armor clanking as he clatters to the ground.

But as he lays on the ground, Katana looks up, the mask hiding his true expression.

"You .. do not ... understand .. JAPAN'S MIGHT!" Kicking up, off the ground he had been run into, Katana intends to take care of this Football player! And his weapons .. are sadly useless! But they truly are not. The jitte try to slip around the man's arms. The massive body of Katana lunging forth, to grab him afterwards.. and with some odd skill, and perhaps, determination, rip Brian of the ground. "BUTSUMETSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

If he can force the American off the ground, it'll be payback time, and that means launching upwards and then taking the bulk of Brian into the air and then slamming him back onto the ground, full force on the football player. "BUSTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

He'll land on his feet, though, and look on towards Brian .. Even IF Katana is taken down or not.

COMBATSYS: Katana successfully hits Brian with Butsumetsu Buster.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////        ]
Brian            1/---====/=======|======-\-------\0           Katana

Once a man leaves his feet, he is at the will of gravity. When you weigh as much as Brian does, gravity can be a harsh mistress. Or just a stone-cold bitch. Which, well, she is.

Slammed hard, the Texan's hat finally comes loose as he rolls away from the weebawoo, obviously shaken and quite hurt by the blow. In fact, he's very slow getting back onto his feet, slowly pulling himself onto his hands and knees. He adjusts his footing, pulling his knees off the ground. His head hung low, his breathing beomes calmer for a moment before the linebacker snaps his head up, eyes seemingly flashing red and the afterimage of bull horns extending from his head for a brief moment. The Texan snorts, his breath almost visible. He paws at the marble with his back foot.

Toro, toro, toro.

With a loud roar, Brian explodes off the four-point stance, charging straight at the Japanese-wannabe with deadly intent. Dropping his shoulder low as he comes in, a white glow surrounds his shoulder before he slams his forearm and shoulder up, trying to catch Katana in the solar plexus and send him into the air. For the air is the realm of gravity, whom is a stone bitch, as we've made mention before. But, see, this isn't the whole of the attack. Pulling a tight left turn, Brian repeats this attack in a three-leaf clover pattern, hoping to knock the Mad Gear ganger into the air repeatedly before letting him crash to Red Square's marble.

COMBATSYS: Katana fails to interrupt Big Bang Tackle from Brian with Tengu Walking.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////                    ]
Brian            0/-------/----===|=======\===----\1           Katana

Really. Katana believes it's over. He really does. And that's when the Texan begins to get up. "Hahhaa.. Do you really believe .. you have a chance?!" Katana cries out. Then as Brian charges forwards, Katana finally realizes something. There's not just large man coming towards him. There's large man surrounded by a white glow. And that's when Brian slams Katana straight on with the solar plexus, before charging into the flailing Mad Gear Shogun. He tries to kick back, to find a place to leap backwards .. but it doesn't come. Instead, all that happens is Katana flails wildly in the air, before coming down.

Burned, broken, his body smashed against by the burning energy of the shoulder, and the shoulder itself, the Mad Gear Shogun stands once again.. looks towards Brian.. and coughs. "Is that.. it?" He asks. "I .. THE MAD GEAR SHOGUN .. demand MORE!" He bellows, weakly standing. "MORE! SHOW ME WHAT STRENGTH YOU CAN MUSTER!"

He readies himself .. but he does not back down.

Looks like everything is big in Texas for a reason. And the ass whooping he gave the Japanophile was ... well.. MASSIVE.

Bending over to pick up his hat, the Texan turns to face the ganger as he stands. Lotta bluster in this boy. Not a lot of quit, either. That's good, to a point. But Katana's taking it to an extreme that's just grating on Brian's nerves. It's like he's demanding to be mauled or something, really. Which Brian's more than happy to provide, mind, but still.

"So you want more, do ya, boy?" he says, steadying his jaw. "More, you said? Is that it? You think you can just wobble there, like a damn idjit, and you wanna see what strength -=I=- can muster? You gotta lotta balls, boy, shame they're yer momma's!" For the first time in a long time, Brian kinda wishes he knew more of another culture. Typical of his mental state, though, the idea would be simply to have a wider array of insults to fling at this Non-Nihon.

So, he wants to see what kind of strength Brian can muster. Well, prepare for the strongest thing in his arsenal, weebawoo, because you're about to get it. Face contorting, he takes two steps forward before his throat makes a disgusting gutteral sound, a ball of phlegmmixing with the wad of chaw he'd been keeping in his mouth. Brian Battler's won many a free drink for his cuspidorian accuracy, and now he uses it again in combat. Ptoo.

Like a guided rocket, the Chaw Missile (as he's dubbed it) flies right at Katana's left eye.

COMBATSYS: Brian successfully hits Katana with Thrown Object.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////                       ]
Brian            0/-------/---====|=======\=====--\1           Katana

As Brian faces Katana, Katana looks towards Brian still. He does not move. And when Brain spits in his face, with such force it's slamming into his eye through the mask, Katana wobbles back from it, holding the mask. He would not take off the mask. And so, he has chaweye. But he readies himself, holding still, as he raises his blades once more. "I .. am not done yet .. I .. HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT!"

But Katana stays back. He has nothing to say to such taunts .. Katana is far beyond them, beyond preaching about what strength he has, he doesn't actually have much to say to the man .. except. "American ... I do not understand you! What language do you speak?"

Not only does he have to stay back because of the chaw eye, he stays still.. to hopefully pull himself back together to finish this! ... In one piece, that is.

Even if there are alot of pieces all over of him to pick up.

"I am not sure I recognize it!"

COMBATSYS: Katana gains composure.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////                    ]
Brian            0/-------/---====|=======\===----\1           Katana

The Missile hits home once again. Brian had considered moving to cigars a few months ago, but the deadly accuracy of his spitum has convinced him that he should still chew, just on limited engagements. It was a good choice. Brian is amazed, however, that the plucky little Japanophile refuses to take off his mask, an act that would help him wipe away the tobacco and help reduce the burn.

The additional bravado being shown by Katana is almost endearing, but it's time to answer a question. "What language do I speak?" he asks, shaking his head in disbelief. Oh, I think you know what it is." Rushing forward, Brian balls his fists together.


And with that, he arcs a hammerfist at Katana's head, a sickle of white light tracing off his fists. Hammer. Sickle. Russia. Appropriate!

COMBATSYS: Katana interrupts Brian Hammer from Brian with Ten Chuu Satsu.

[                                < >  ///////                       ]
Brian            1/-----==/=======|==-----\-------\0           Katana

Brian had been a thorn in Katana's side. He was quite strong. But Katana, unfortunately, was just as.. although not physically. Brian had him beat by ages. "Violence... and I speak through battle.. so let us revel in it! You will see the might of the Shogun!" Katana exclaims, as Brian balls his fists together, a sickle of white light tracing off his fists as he aims for Katana's head.

And that's when Katana charges forwards, making his motion, the strength of Brian's hammer being negated by the fact .. that Brian is falling backwards with jitte barely sticking into him. The man was too tough for Katana to actually dig in deeply to. "Hah... you had put up .. a good fight .. but now .. I END IT! TEN!"

The Shogun of Mad Gear charges against the marble floor of the ring, sandals, warmed from the beating, now wet with sweat slipping but still pushing forwards, Brian's massive body being dragged along the ground as he charges to the far end of the ring. "CHUU!"

Finally, he hauls Brian up, grabbing his body and slamming it into the ground, "SATSU!" .. before collapsing to one knee. He breathes heavily. Barely standing, Katana had took risk after risk. But this time, it seems he nearly came out smelling peachy. "You .. are a great warrior American .. and I am .. happy to have .. fought such a .. warrior!" His breathes and words are ragged.

The American had easily nearly felled the Japanophile.

Y'know what? Screw this noise.

Stabbed and slammed hard against the marble, Brian Battler lays there, back flat against the ground. It would seem that he is fully unconscious after Katana's assault. Money starts to change hands, cheers from the crowd start echoing through the Square. A button is pressed. The cheers start dying down, replaced by gasps as, like Michael Myers, the linebacker sits upright slowly, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. Initially facing forward, Brian turns his head almost mechanically towards the Japanophile.

The end is nigh. With a single meaty hand, the giant reaches out...

COMBATSYS: Brian can no longer fight.

[                       \\\\\\\  <
Katana           0/-------/-----==|

COMBATSYS: Katana dodges Brian's American Supernova.

[                       \\\\\\\  <
Katana           0/-------/-----==|

...and the air around the fighters becomes a swirling mass as a black helicopter suddenly descends upon Red Square. Money, fliers and various other small items are displaced as the amazingly quiet helicopter lowers to about twenty feet, the side door marked with an "R" sliding open to drop a flexible ladder. The ladder falls right into Brian's waiting paw, and, just as his fingers wrap around it, the chopper raises, the Texan trailing behind for a minute before the ladder is raised and he, and the helicopter, disappear into the distance.

"Motherf***er," he spits, pulling open his shirt to look at the stab wounds in his chest. "Get me to the Noah. I'm gonna need to have these looked at."

As Brian comes towards Katana, Katana looks towards him. Brian gets back up.. the linebacker sitting upright slowly as Katana looks upon the man.. who gets BACK UP. Backing up quickly, .. it seems that Brian was grasping instead for the ladder, at least, from the looks of Katana. And as the Texan is grabbed and pulled upwards, the Mad Gear Shogun looks on, and seems to believe that the battle was a long and hard one.. but as Brian swears, Katana still stays, looking up to him. "I shall fight again with you, American! There will be another time!"

And that's when Katana staggers forwards, nearly collapsing to the ground.

He wasn't used to ending a battle still up and conscious. Not feeling the cold, but heavily beaten yet, Katana would pull himself out of the ring .. and back for a nice bunch of Ramen! ... And to take off his mask to remove the chaw.

That's some nasty stuff.

Log created on 20:58:27 09/17/2007 by Katana, and last modified on 05:57:08 09/18/2007.