Neo League 351 - #354: Haggar vs Krizalid

Description: Mayor Mike freaking Haggar fights... for charity! RAR. (Winner: Krizalid)

Though there's a big to-do about fishing right at the crack of morning, you can really fish at any time! I think. Even if you can't, well, this world is different because of fighters, and because of fighters you can really fish at any time. HENCE WHY, at one of the Finger Lakes in New York, there is a charity fishing tournament this late at night! All kinds of semi-minor New York celebrities have turned out for it, but the Big Fish (as it were haw) is the Wrestling Mayor himself, Mike Haggar. He's really hamming it up, showing up in a full black business suit with his famous Fists tie - an orange tie with large fists surrounded by yellow starbursts.
Of course, Haggar has turned out to be not a really good fisherman, having only caught three fish of middling size. Jimmy Fallon is here and let me tell you that man has stocked up quite a chest of trout. I think there are trout. Haggar sits near the edge of his boat, brow furrowed in concentration on his pole, hoping to pull out one of his famous comebacks and reel in like a whale or something. He could do it, his pole looks pretty sturdy.

You know... you know the funny thing about Jimmy Fallon?! Besides NOTHING, Krizalid once made a clone of him just to make fun of him for that movie Taxi. You know, Taxi?! With Queen Latifah?! Krizalid made a clone of her as well, but for sexy ti--
Anyway! Just because it's a celebrity event doesn't mean that a lot of would-be anglers haven't shown up anyway, particularly to show up the TRUE celebs. Why, there's a little gondola being pushed out amongst all the other boats right now, with a GENUINE Italian at the back pushing it along with his ridiculously long pole. Yeah, that's a REAL pole right there.
Standing there on the gondola is a hooded figure that hasn't been seen for some time on the fighting circuit. Maybe he retired and joined the fishing circuit. But he's no celebrity, and he's got no fishing pole. "Hey, Mayor!" a voice tinged with the Emerald Isles shouts as the gondola bumps into Haggar's boat.
"Hey, Mayor!"

The first time That Man shouted to Haggar, he didn't even hear him. His eyes stab outward at the water with such intensity that if they were to suddenly cleave the water, slamming twin holes all the way to the lakebed, a particularly poetic onlooker would not be surprised!
Then the gondola bumps the boat, rocking it and causing Haggar to glance up with a start and a frown. Every fish he catches helps disadvantaged children, and he is serious about this! He blinks uncomprehendingly toward That Man for a moment before offering him an apologetic half-smile. "Hello. Do you need something? If it's an autograph, you'll have to wait until after the event, sorry."

While Haggar is so distracted, a fish eats his bait, because that's just his luck.

That Man maintains silence for the longest of moments, as if drawing it all out to some fantastic, climactic... climax. It falls short. Swaying on his gondola, the hooded figure gives a slow nod that's swallowed up by the darkness. "Yeah, I need something," he replies, already wanting to wipe that smile right off of Haggar's face. Patience, he chides himself; patience! He has to agree first.
Gathering the fluffy-boa coat, he awkwardly steps from gondola to boat, invading the Mayor's property. He nearly loses it halfway, but he gathers himself. "Here to help the kids, right? Every fish you pull out gets them a toy, that kind of crap?" Unless stopped, the Irishman is likely to ferret out just how poorly the Mayor is doing. "You're not doing too good, right, Mayor? Why not help the kids in another way.
"League fight. Right now, yeah? Kids love that."

COMBATSYS: Haggar has started a fight here.

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Haggar           0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Krizalid has joined the fight here.

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Krizalid         0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0           Haggar

Haggar narrows his eyes at That Man, his posture shifting almost imperceptibly. It's almost as if he quickly figured out that That Man was a fighter! And it's true that Haggar is doing poorly - however, the rules state that every fish /caught/ went to charity. Many celebrities that do not love the taste of fish have been catching and releasing. So, if Haggar were to suddenly engage in Battol, it would not impair anything except for future catches - and Haggar intends to donate all of his Neo League earnings from this fight to - ding - charity!
So, Haggar pulls his rod up, frowns mournfully at the empty hook, and lays it down kinda behind the tacklebox. He grins, and rolls his neck. "So, you want to give the kids a show? Alright then!" Suddenly, Haggar surges forward, trying to grab Krizalid and powerbomb him into his gondola! Oh man!

COMBATSYS: Krizalid blocks Haggar's Strong Throw.

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Krizalid         0/-------/------=|-------\-------\0           Haggar

The hooded figure opens his mouth to say something--unseen though it is in that hood--but Haggar goes into action way too fast! For a fat guy! Seized, Krizalid is forcefully evicted from the Mayor's boat. Flipped up into position for the powerbomb, he's sent hurtling down towards his precious gondola--but he manages to stop just short of impact, twisting out of the fall to land on his feet instead of his back. The gondola creaks ominously underfoot, the Italian at the aft falling into the water. Mama mia!
"How disdainful, a wrestler... Do children still enjoy such 'sports'?" he slurs with his accent, arms spread as the gondola rocks. Spreading his arms wide, he suddenly ignites into flames--the feather-boa coat turning to ashes as Krizalid reveals himself. White hair fans in a sudden breeze, but through the heat he seems unscathed--and he launches at Haggar, returning to the Mayor's boat as the gondola starts to sink, those clawed gloves seeking out Haggar's eyes!

COMBATSYS: Krizalid successfully hits Haggar with Quick Punch.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Krizalid         0/-------/-----==|==-----\-------\0           Haggar

Haggar catches the blow in the face, but his well-tempered skin resists the claws, opening no wounds! With a grin, Haggar leaps back onto his boat, both fists balled together. "Ha! Wrestling's more than a sport, kid, it's a way of life!" As though he were a lumberjack chopping wood, the Mayor levels both of his forearms hard at Krizalid's facemeats.

COMBATSYS: Krizalid interrupts Double Lariat from Haggar with Chokeslam.

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Krizalid         0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0           Haggar

Landing with no valuable eyemeat on his fingertips, Krizalid sports a slight smirk as he flexes his fingers. "I know a thing or two about that 'way of life,'" he replies, although the conversation takes a backseat to what follows. Haggar comes in like THIS -- fists waving -- and if the Irishman gets in the way, it's his own fault!
And get in the way he does, the fist meaty fist clipping his shoulder as he ducks under both fists. It's nearly enough to send him flying off the boat anyway, given Haggar's strength--but instead the NESTS Fighter finds balance, and seizes the Mayor's neck. He even does the impossible, and chokeslams him right onto his boat!

Haggar's mighty frame nearly shatters the bottom of his boat, despite its sturdiness, water rapidly bubbling into it. The chest also bursts open, sending panicked fish flying everywhere! Three of them, at least. Haggar, still quite vigorous, levers himself away from Krizalid, backing up as far as he can (three steps) and shaking his head. "Heh, better than you look..." He wipes some blood from the corner of his mouth with a knuckle, and steadies himself more firmly in his wrestling stance. Water coming up to his ankle seems not to bother him.

COMBATSYS: Haggar focuses on his next action.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Krizalid         0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0           Haggar

Staying down his end of the boat, Krizalid again steadies himself after that violent impact. He's not exactly anxious to go into the water, it would seem. That smirk returns at his opponent's comment though, and he brushes gloved fingers through his hair. "I may have lost all pigment in my hair, Mayor... but I don't think you grasp the situation you've found yourself in." Dangerous word to use around a grappler, grasp.
Taking one of the fallen fish in hand, he brandishes it as a weapon as he steps forward to obliterate it across Haggar's skull.

COMBATSYS: Haggar counters Random Weapon from Krizalid with Power Swing.

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Krizalid         1/------=/=======|=------\-------\0           Haggar

Suddenly, Haggar's hand stabs out as Krizalid swings at him, seizing his arm by the wrist with a blue flare. Haggar grins, almost a touch wickedly: "I think I grasp the situation perfectly." With a grunt, Haggar yanks Krizalid hard, ripping him off his feet. He whips his arm - and Krizalid - in a tight circle around his head, and hurls him hard, far through the air, toward a distant boat where five identical men are fishing. Haggar leaps after him, jumping nonsensically through the air!

"Looks like the Mayor started a fight over there." "Yep."
"Looks like he just threw some guy in a combat suit at us." "Yep."

There WAS a boat there. The side of it splinters as Krizalid slams through, up where the would-be bridge of the craft is, only to be stopped by the wall on the other side of the interior. Exiting the cabin a moment later, the Irishman looks a bit worse for wear now; he pulls a long splinter out of his arm, uttering a faint oath from the Emerald Isle. It involves dogs and haggis!
But with Haggar coming at him, still leaping nonsensically through the air, the NESTS fighter decides to keep some distance between them. Even still, he abruptly bursts into flames--and lashes forward with both arms, leaving a flaming 'X' through the air that floats for the descending Mayor!

COMBATSYS: Haggar endures Krizalid's End of Heaven.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////                  ]
Krizalid         0/-------/------=|=======\-------\0           Haggar

As Haggar sees the big flaming X coming for him, he initially balls up in the air, but then has a better idea! Suddenly, his arms lash out to his sides, the wrestler spinning like a top despite being in mid-air! The flaming X shatters around the might of Haggar's whirling arms, and he lands heavily in the boat, already moving at Krizalid, face grim. The Mayor then leaps forward at Krizalid with no warning, arms hungry for his body!

COMBATSYS: Haggar successfully hits Krizalid with Market Economy Buster.

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Krizalid         0/-------/-======|=======\=------\1           Haggar

Haggar's arms grip Krizalid tightly, and he immediately goes into a textbook bridge, slamming the other man roughly upon the ground. Then he rolls over Krizalid, bouncing into the air for another textbook German suplex. Finally, he does another somersault, springing way into the air and whirling like a weasel in a wind tunnel before landing in the most German of all German suplexes, cracking /this/ boat. Water begins to bubble up!

If Krizalid had his way, he'd be off onto the next boat long before the Mayor landed--but for a man of such bulk, speed is possible due to gravity. The boat threatens to tip the moment that the wrestler lands, and as the Irishman attempts to flee to the next he is thrown off balance--and then he is caught, those arms going around his body.
Haggar proves more than fresh in his assault; first one suplex, then a second, and then a massive third suplex that sends the boat on its way for Davey Jones' locker. Not wanting to take the voyage, Krizalid -- amidst wondering if his spine was just snapped -- manages to crawl his way out of that kung-fu grip. "Y-you're a formidable opponent, Mayor," he acknowledges, coming back to his feet, the expression on his face simple; pain. Resolve replaces the expression -- it's now or never, the end game!
Harnessing the one true talent he is in possession of, the NESTS Fighter seizes the wind as he lashes out at short range with his impressively long legs, summoning a miniature hurricane of slashing wind to lash out at the Mayor.

COMBATSYS: Haggar blocks Krizalid's Typhon's Rage - Reflect.

[                       \\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Krizalid         0/-------/-======|=======\===----\1           Haggar

Haggar pulls his arms up as Krizalid throws his nonsense, standing his ground and blunting the worst of the winds. He staggers back a bit, boots sloshing, but doesn't even stop because his player has to go to Denny's like now so he surges forward, a red haze rising off his arm and this pose is super lame. He tries to knock Krizalid down with a blow to the forehead, and if this lands, will grab him by his legs and spin and spin and spin and throw him really damn far, it's hilarious.

COMBATSYS: Krizalid interrupts Giant Swing from Haggar with Rising Darkmoon.

[                        \\\\\\  < >  /                             ]
Krizalid         1/----===/=======|====---\-------\0           Haggar

COMBATSYS: Krizalid has reached second wind!

[                        \\\\\\  < >  /                             ]
Krizalid         1/----===/=======|====---\-------\0           Haggar

COMBATSYS: Haggar takes no action.

[                        \\\\\\  <
Krizalid         1/----===/=======|

COMBATSYS: Haggar can no longer fight.

[                        \\\\\\  <
Krizalid         1/----===/=======|

OH NO YOU DIDN'! Krizalid strikes through with an uppercut instead, a dazzling, wind-laden one at that! And as he does so, his battlesuit gives him a shock to keep him running, the kind of shock that makes his white hair stand on end! Yeah he's like Yahoo Serious.

HOW SHOCKING!! Haggar is suddenly propelled through the air like a meat cannonball by a white-haired David Hasselhoff, going blasting off again like the big ol' defeated mayor he is. And as he goes, he bellows out:
SQUISH. Haggar lands with a mighty and distinct squish sound, which is odd, and probably due to the fact that he just landed ass-first on a nearby duck. A child cries. Everyone looks disappointed in Haggar, duck killer. And, hanging his head in exquisite shame, Haggar walks off to train off his misery.
And maybe eat a pony. Because he's Mayor Mike freaking Haggar.
(This is a dramatization.)

Log created on 00:45:21 04/07/2007 by Haggar, and last modified on 20:07:28 05/20/2007.