Neo League 326 - #349: Haggar vs Takuma

Description: Takuma vs. Haggar on an elephant caravan or something, in India! There's too much to discuss right here, but this may very well have been one of the most absurd battles ever fought, and certainly shows an impressive amount of BALLS on the part of Haggar. Perhaps he has an ability to predict the future or something. (Winner: Haggar)

In this world, fights break out anywhere, at any time, for little to no reason at all. I'm not even going to bother explaining /why/ this Neo League fight is occurring on top of a roaming herd of elephants, or how the elephants were convinced to allow two burly men to throw each other about on them without just trying to eat them. The simple truth is that Takuma Sakizaki and Mike Haggar are on elephants and about to have a big rumble.
The wrestling mayor seems to have no problem with his venue, thumbing his moustache peacefully as he stands atop his elephant (which is currently eating leaves? I guess) and stares down his opponent. He's heard of Takuma, of course, but never actually fought against him - or, for that matter, any Kyokugen user. This should be an interesting experience.

Takuma is on his elephant for an entirely different reason than Mike Haggar. In fact, it is a SALIENT one, namely: He is vacationing in India to relax after having his arm practically destroyed by one Geese Howard. Due to perhaps some kind of paperwork error(or, more likely, sheer dumb luck), Takuma had recieved an invitation to NEO LEAGUE BATTLE out of seemingly nowhere, back-addressed and clearly late due to post-office problems. While Takuma is certainly in no condition to fight(as his arm was broken two days ago it is almost entirely healed but still kind of hurts because he is a HARDCORE FIGHTER), he has one very important law that he always follows:

You never turn down a fight. Why, one time, he and Saishu agreed to battle each other despite the very real and present danger of their airplane's lack of wings! It's a man law.

Regardless, Sakazaki's elephant is situated beside Haggar's own, and the Kyokugen patriarch seems to be more comfortable than the other man might be - seated in one of those crazy elephant chairs with a large straw sun-hat on and some sunglasses(and, of course, the gi), it's clear he's still in a vacationing mindset. After a moment or three, he glances at Haggar, and one bold eyebrow raises above the dark lenses of his glasses.

"You're that Haggar guy, right?" He starts to stand in his seat(it has a crazy name I don't want to attempt to write it), and regards the wrestler on the elephant opposite his. It could be Intense.

Haggar didn't get one of those chairs. He didn't want one, he hates chairs! He has nightmares of being hit with them over and over. He never did another TLC match after that.
The Mayor grins, pulling his strap out to snap it back against his ample chests. "Mike Haggar." There's another sublime moment of pause as one man looks at another. If this were a wacky anime, there would probably be lines of electricity from eye to eye, and then someone would sweatdrop because someone in the background was a pervert. Then the episode would end.
And NEXT episode, Haggar would start the fight off right, suddenly leaping from his elephant toward Takuma, turning in the air to send both ROCK HARD LEGS on a collision course with the Kyokugen master's torso and maybe abdomen.

COMBATSYS: Haggar has started a fight here.

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Haggar           0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Takuma has joined the fight here.

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Takuma           0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0           Haggar

COMBATSYS: Takuma fails to interrupt Drop Kick from Haggar with Hien Shippu Kyaku.

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Takuma           0/-------/---====|=------\-------\0           Haggar

Takuma finishes getting up in his seat, with a hilarious little wobble here and there to represent the extreme difficulty of balancing on a walking elephant. It goes to say that if this were a wacky anime, not only would there be electricity, but the Split-Screen Eye Shot, as well as the Infuriating To Be Continued announcement. Luckily for us, this is not an anime, and the episode is still continuing.

It seems Haggar has addressed the last part. Regardless, Takuma lets loose one triumphant "TAKUMA SAKAZAKI! PLEASURE!" before soaring into the air with an almost comical *shoop!* noise, one Old Man Foot(it is brimming with power) held out in front of him, on a direct course towards Haggar.

There's a collision...

A flash of bright white light...

And Sakazaki lands on Haggar's elephant, hunched forward, face contorted with intense effort and concentration.

After the flash, Haggar comes out of the dropkick with a single turn in the air, landing hard on Takuma's Vacation Elephant(tm). The elephant grunts, but is a goddamn elephant and doesn't care in the long run. Sweat has already begun to bead on the Mayor's forehead. He stands for a long moment as the viewers at home wonder - whose kick reigned supreme? (There are cameramen. They are also on elephants.) The tension hangs thick in the air, thicker even then the testosterone.
Suddenly, with a lurch, Haggar drops to a knee.

Takuma grunts, once, and shakes his head slowly. "Touché, Mike Haggar! Those are some... pretty meaty legs... hnghph." Sakazaki staggers, once, before falling flat on his face on Haggar's work elephant. As it is conditioned to hard days while Takuma's elephant is likely far more used to sipping elephant Mai Tai's all day or something, Takuma's fall doesn't cause the elephant any sort of alarm. In fact, it continues eating.

Sakazaki remains like this for a few moments before springing back up to his feet with a curt bout of laughing. He turns to face his opponent, still laughing, and tips that ridiculous sun-hat towards the other man.

"Hell of a set of feet you've got there! Guess I'll stop with the dramatics and just kick your ass properly!"

Haggar's stumble was due to the fact that Takuma's weak elephant was shifting irritably due to the unexpected larger man's weight, and not because Takuma had done anything at all! Oh, what fun. "Well, son, if you were thinking you'd be going easy on me, you thought wrong!"
Haggar has two years on Takuma, he can call him son if he wants.
And now, the fight starts in earnest, as a sharp whistle blows, the two elephants moving from their positions and joining the nearby elephant STAMPEDE. What?! The big man takes off, grinning wide, jumping from moving elephant to moving elephant like a man half his age, suddenly dropping and sliding across elephants at Takuma. His ankles hungrily seek to tie Takuma's own up, in a textbook lock meant to apply some painful pressure.

COMBATSYS: Takuma interrupts Quick Throw from Haggar with Zanretsu Ken.

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Takuma           0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0           Haggar

Takuma regards Haggar for a long moment, and his face takes on a bit of a stony, displeased look at the other man's words. ".../Son/?" Takuma steps back and brings his arms up, extending one towards his opponent in an accusatory gesture. "Why don't you come back over here and show me you've got a right to that, boy? Nobody older than me would keep a 'stache that ridic-" Takuma is cut short by Mike Haggar LEAPING AT HIM, AGAIN.

Unfortunately for Haggar, Takuma is incensed by the sudden realization that he may not have the right to call Haggar 'sonny', which is basically something Takuma has only accepted for like Heidern and Saishu. And that's just kind of. Regardless, Haggar will find himself falling into a -net of fists- when Takuma suddenly starts lashing out with his left hand repeatedly, in a neverending series of lighting-fast strikes that serve to capture the older man, subject him to a vicious series of blows that only serves to lift him -up- rather than push him away.

Crypically, Haggar hovers in the air for a moment while Takuma brings his right arm forward in a vicious, powerful uppercut that could in all rights have Haggar flying right back to his old elephant again. "Hmph! -Son-, he says! Boy, I'm older than you by a decade at the least!"

And so it does, as Haggar sails back to his old elephant, landing on his back with a 'whumph'. His old elephant, which was actually Takuma's old elephant. Oh, the tangled webs woven, etc.
The big man posts back to his feet, wincing as some fresh bruises sprout on his chest. "Ha! I don't see that much grey in your hair, kid! You can't be a day past 40!" Haggar's next approach is slower, more calculated, with bursts of movement as he jumps from elephant to elephant to keep from getting carried away from Takuma. Some elephants run faster than others, and all. Once he's in range, Haggar continues to test the waters with one step forward and a jabbing blow to the other man's shoulders.

COMBATSYS: Takuma blocks Haggar's Quick Punch.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Takuma           0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0           Haggar

While Haggar is making his way forward, Takuma is sort of half-listening to him. His attention seems to be focused on his right arm - which he's reeling around in a slow, pained fashion for the moment. Clearly injuries have not yet fully healed, but Haggar's deep voice and increasing proximity snap Takuma out of his reverie and brings the fight back to mind.

His eyes narrow at what he figures he's just heard.

"What's in my hair!? Di- OH MY GOD, DID YOU SMEAR SOME KIND OF ELEPHANT SHIT IN MY HAIR WHEN YOU WERE PLAYING AROUND WITH IT THAT LAST ATTACK!? I SW-" He's enraged, sure, but not enough to not block Haggar's punch and attempt to lurch forward and grapple with the man. Takuma attempts to bring Haggar down to the elephant's back with a quick hip-toss, and if successful, leaps away afterward, frantically running fingers through his hair(his hat is half-off of his head, see), and shouting obscenities after he lands on another elephant's back.

COMBATSYS: Haggar endures Takuma's Quick Throw.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Takuma           0/-------/=======|=======\=------\1           Haggar

Haggar grins mischeviously, and responds to Takuma as woodenly and falsely as he can: "I don't know what you're talking about. I did nothing to your hair." AND THEN HE'S BEING HIP-TOSSED. Haggar turns with the throw, going down with Takuma, but also catching his opponent's legs with his own in order to trade balance with him. Takuma's leap is foiled, and Haggar uses the Kyokugen master's momentum to pull himself to his feet, like a rake-handle to the face. Especially because he's coming up headbutting!

COMBATSYS: Takuma endures Haggar's Repeated Headbutts.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////              ]
Takuma           1/------=/=======|=======\===----\1           Haggar

"Hm-?!" Takuma is suddenly met with Mike Haggar's hands catching around his shoulders, and suddenly the man's face is only inches from his own. Then it's reeling back... coming forward... stars! The process repeats a good several times, but Haggar might notice that Takuma, while the attacks are certainly looking to /hurt/ him, remains stonefaced throughout the entire thing. He doesn't even attempt to move. Instead, in some kind of bizarre and perhaps awkward-looking move, Takuma places his hands on Haggar's sholders during the attack. He allows the headbutts to continue.

The headbutts cease, which leaves Takuma's sunglasses broken and pretty much falling off of his face, while his nose is certainly bloodied a fair bit. The Kyokugen elder smiles. "I know what a lie sounds like when I hear it! Don't think you're getting away with this!" Takuma breaks his words off with a quick movement - he knees Haggar in the midsection. If he hits, he's going to keep on kneeing the man repeatedly, eventually pushing up on his shoulders and working his way up to Haggar's face. After this, Takuma'd place a foot on Haggar's head and use it as a kick-off point for leaping to ANOTHER ELEPHANT. Clearly he has a plan in mind!

COMBATSYS: Haggar endures Takuma's Shouran Kyaku.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////                  ]
Takuma           1/----===/=======|=======\======-\1           Haggar

I guess Takuma takes Haggar in a warm manhug while he headbutts him? Whatever Haggar's a liberal sort when it comes to that touchy issue he isn't going to judge. I mean, it's pretty weird, but Haggar is secure in his sexuality and isn't worried about catching the gay. It's OK, Takuma, sometimes we all go through realizations and just because you have kids doesn't mean this isn't the right path for you, just be honest with yourself.
And don't knee Haggar over and over! The wrestler staggers back under the onslaught, dropping to a knee as Takuma flips away. "Hah!" Despite the heavy drubbing he's getting, he's grinning, clenching and unclenching his left fist before taking off at the projected landing point of the airborne Takuma. A red haze rises off from him like burning ambition as, hopefully carefully timed, his hand stabs out at Takuma's forehead the moment he lands.

COMBATSYS: Takuma counters Giant Swing from Haggar with Mouko Burai Gan.
- Power hit! -

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Takuma           1/---====/=======|======-\-------\0           Haggar

Takuma lands on the elephant relatively roughly, but he's quick to get to his feet since, well, it's very likely that he's done this in the past. Takuma, you see, has done EVERYTHING in the past. Or so he claims! Regardless, this is one of those moments when the old man is able to keep his claims honest. And as such, he's able to react to Haggar's sudden leap after him with a quick, surprised little parting of his lips, a sudden narrowing of those intense, now-revealed eyes, and a quivering of that broad-rimmed sun hat.

In response to Haggar's hand stabbing out at Takuma's forehead, the Kyokugen fighter interrupts that grab with a cleverly-placed left forearm, and, well... It stops the momentum entirely. Sakazaki's able to curl his lips into a small smile and tilts his head to the side curiously before quipping: "You've got a hell of an arm on you! Why don't you swing by my dojo sometime and learn how to use it right? A kid your age has time to learn new tricks, doesn't he?" Takuma punctuates his statement by lancing his right arm out at Haggar's midsection, forcefully enough to maybe send the big man stumbling back a few feet or so.

So it came to pass that the tremendous rush of the Meat Train, power such as the world rarely sees, has come to a complete halt! This is pretty unprecedented - the force of Haggar's onslaught suddenly stopping actually lifts his feet off the elephantfloor, nearly throwing him back from that alone - Takuma's huge punch does the rest, sending him toppling back a few elephants. "Whooof!" The big man is clearly dizzied, having a time getting back to his feet.
The elephant Haggar landed on clearly took offense. A large trunk swings up to aim right at the big man, and before he can react, a plume of water jets around him, blasting sweat and bruise from his body. He stands there for a moment, surprised and blinking.

COMBATSYS: Mike Haggar drops his guard to recover.

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Takuma           1/---====/=======|======-\-------\0           Haggar

As the Man Train is stopped, and Haggar is BLOWN BACK by the force of Takuma's fist, it leaves Sakazaki a moment to sit back and relax. If, that is, he wanted to. As it stands Takuma is equally baffled by the odd healing effect the elephant water seems to have on Haggar... baffled, and a little worried. If the /elephants/ are assisting the mayor... what would happen to him?!?! Would there be some kind of ELEPHANT UPRISING? He was kind of an ass earlier, sitting on the one in his Fancy Foreign Elephant Throne Chair. Who knows what sort of impression gives off.

Given that, Takuma spends the next few moments looking about worriedly, gaze flickering from Haggar, to an elephant, to another elephant, to Haggar again. He's twitchy. To the wrestler, he says:

"Are you paying the elephants to help you, Haggar? You know I won't tolerate it!"

COMBATSYS: Takuma focuses on his next action.

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Takuma           1/---====/=======|======-\-------\0           Haggar

Finally coming to himself, the Mayor gives his head a firm shake, water spraying from his moustache and carefully-trimmed, businessman hair. With a grunt, he reaches out and seizes the trunk of the spraying elephant, jumping forward as his muscles surge red with exertion. "As if I asked for, or needed, their help!" Despite the elephant's protests and the general unfeasibility of lifting one by its trunk without ripping the trunk off, Haggar rips the elephant from the ground, roaring as he sweeps it like a tremendous battle-axe at Takuma! "HOOYEAH!"

COMBATSYS: Takuma counters Random Weapon from Haggar with Random Weapon.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////                         ]
Takuma           1/-----==/=======|=======\===----\1           Haggar

Haggar is a strong man. But as he will learn, Takuma is also a strong man. As that elephant's shadow overtakes Takuma's own elephant(and the man himself), Sakazaki's eyes narrow in concentration -- he hearkens back to the days of his youth. Gouken. Saishu. The /forging of a warrior's soul/.

For years, Takuma has trained his mind and body to take incredible amounts of damage - and if the synergy between the two is correct, totally negate that damage. A trick his old man had initially taught him and Gouken(with help from Saishu) had come to cement into young Takuma's mind, it's paid off considerably well on many occasions. Indeed, from deflecting bricks and stampeding bulls to stopping Saishu dead-cold during one particularly forceful Orochinagi, Takuma's forearms could well be considered one of the hardest things on the planet. Perhaps even moreso than Saishu's forehead, but this is debatable.

And in this case, just as that elephant is about to collide with the Kyokugen master, he lifts his left arm ONCE AGAIN. And that elephant, as so many others have done, is completely halted in its approach, suspended on it's back by a hefty karate-man's arm.

It seems confused.

Takuma, on the other hand, is not -- he's reached behind him to grab ANOTHER elephant's trunk with his free hand, and with one heavy grunt, Takuma sends the pachyderm flying into Haggar's form, caught on the end of that first elephant! Takuma can be heard screaming over the roar of wind rushing around the swung elephant's form, loud and clear in his delivery.


As Haggar's elephant is halted and promptly dropped, one thought whirls through the wrestler's mind - how can a forearm be that powerful?! The dropped elephant rolls off the back of Takuma's elephant with a protest, but is otherwise unharmed. The same cannot be said for Haggar himself, who has taken another elephant right to the face, and sent hurtling through the air closer to the head of the stampede. Far down there, he can be seen rolling across the backs of elephants - and suddenly! He falls! OH NO, HAGGAR!

There's a long period of silence. The elephant stampede has slowed, and is now just a plod forward. Camera crews lean forward, tension on their faces. A medical crew starts approaching, to tend to the possibly crushed Haggar. The mood slowly grows somber.

But-- what?! An elephant bellows, and then another, and then flies into the air! "RRRRRRAAAAAGH!" Elephant after elephant flies into the air, as a trail of dust builds, both drawing an indelible line toward the elder Sakizaki! The great four-footed beasts are nothing to the approach of - yes, it's Mike Haggar, leaping up from the herd of elephants, bruised and bloodied, both arms homing in on Takuma's legs! "Don't think you're through with me yet, you brat!!"

COMBATSYS: Haggar has reached second wind!

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////                     ]
Takuma           1/-----==/=======|-------\-------\0           Haggar

COMBATSYS: Takuma fails to counter Giant Swing from Haggar with Random Weapon.

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Takuma           1/---====/=======|-------\-------\0           Haggar

Mike Haggar seizes Takuma harshly by the legs and continues to rise, whirling through the air like a ridiculous meat typhoon! His legs pump despite the lack of solid ground to stand on, somehow propelling him faster and faster, until at some kind of ridiculous terminal velocity he releases Takuma. The other man is hurled way down the other end of the elephant stampede, leaving the wrestler to spin through the air like a top before landing in a kneel on top of his original elephant before this mess all started. Haggar extends to his full height, and thumbs his moustache in satisfaction.

Perhaps, after deflecting an entire elephant, Takuma is not able to deal with much for a time -- and, as we're about to find out, certainly a long enough time for Haggar to come RUSHING AT HIM, THROUGH ELEPHANTS, and inflict a rather incredible deal of damage! Takuma's hardly able to let out one confused "Wh-?!" before he's used as some sort of ridiculous helicopter rotor, legs practically ripped from their sockets from the sheer centrifugal force involved in the action. Takuma goes soaring through the air to land, perhaps ironically, in his original Vacation Chair(I just realized this is a great name for the thing), and promptly destroys it.

Sunhat crumpled, his chair's umbrella collapsed on top of him, Takuma is left to burst free of the gaily themed vacation wreckage surrounding him in an explosion of pinks, purples, and tattered bits of straw.

"RRGAHHHHHH! You're still alive!? I'm underestimating you, clearly!" Sakazaki doesn't waste time now - he really wants to just go lie down and soak his arm for a while! He starts preparing for something big... Takuma stomps his elephant's back with one foot and assumes a standard combat position despite the alarm his elephant is experiencing at having feet stomped on it. And there, perhaps 150 feet from Haggar, Takuma stands, a glowing beacon of RAGING CHI.

Bad things may be afoot.

COMBATSYS: Takuma takes no action.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////                     ]
Takuma           2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|-------\-------\0           Haggar

Haggar breathes heavily, one arm limp due to exertion with the other perched upon his knee. His flawlessly waxed chest glistens in the Indian sun with sweat and lingering body oil, and other vaguely homoerotic descriptions. The two elephants, the Original Elephants, remain mostly stationary as the rest of the herd thins out and scatters, leaving just the four of them. "What... thought you could pussyfoot around... with a one man army?" Haggar swings his arms over his chest once before bounding over to Takuma, trying to grab hold of him and carry him right off his elephant, spinning like a top once again!

COMBATSYS: Haggar successfully hits Takuma with Screw Piledriver.

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Takuma           2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|==-----\-------\0           Haggar

Takuma is off-kilter, now. Who knows what could be happening in Takumatown while Haggar is taking advantage of Sakazaki's incredible confusion? Not that this should be /surprising/ or any such... Takuma is simply surprised to see Haggar blowing through elephants and flinging him almost fifty feet and then SPINNING PILEDRIVERING him into the ground like some kind of sad mannequin! As the old man lies on the ground, surrounded by elephants and no doubt a few feet from his surprisingly adept opponent, Takuma simply continues to lie for a time, regarding Haggar thoughtfully.

"You know... you're stronger than I thought!" He laughs, and starts to get to his feet. He's bruised and bleeding, and his gi's seen better days, but Takuma Sakazaki's mirth is UNFETTERED by his recent performance. And NOW... well. His arms are pretty much coursing with chi energy. Glowing, even. He brings them forward in a slow way, and energy begins to coalesce into the space between.

"SWING BY THE DOJO, YOUNGSTER! MAYBE I WON'T TAKE IT EASY ON YOU THE NEXT TIME!" Given Takuma's insane grin and the sparkle in his eyes, who's to say that he's simply trying to intimidate Haggar? It may be... the Truth. It doesn't matter though because right now is Triple Haohshokoken Time. Not one... not two... but THREE incredibly large balls of pure chi energy erupt from Takuma's hands to rip across the few feet between he and Haggar, at LIGHT SPEED(slower than light speed). Takuma's shrieking something while he does this, and his battered sun hat is finally ripped away by the wind whipping around him for dramatic effect, but you aren't looking at that. You're wondering... Will Mike Haggar live?

COMBATSYS: Haggar dodges Takuma's Triple Haohshokoken.

[                        \\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Takuma           0/-------/---====|==-----\-------\0           Haggar

Haggar is completely and utterly tired of fireballs. He has dealt with them for his entire fighting career and despite his occasional attempts to throw chi himself, has only managed to slightly warm a drink once and that might've been a trick of conduction. So, whenever Haggar sees fireballs coming at him - or even ABOUT to come at him - he gets immediately super-pissed, and usually tries to get out of the way or just run through it.
In this instance, Haggar elects to get out of the way, not desiring to run right into three fireballs. So... he... jumps. He crouches down as low as he can, the ground seeming to gather up under him, and then HURLS HIMSELF with all of his strength. By some miracle of God himself, Mike Haggar barely clears the first fireball as it surges out of Takuma's hands, the force of it sending him somersaulting even higher into the air! The other two fireballs pass uselessly below. The real trick here is, does Takuma realize he actually dodged, or does he assume Haggar is NO MORE?!
In a few short moments, Takuma will know the answer, as a faint whistling sound overhead heralds the return of the Fighting Mayor. His right hand is drawn to his shoulder, elbow pointing straight down. This is basically the most epic elbow drop ever performed by man.

COMBATSYS: Takuma fails to counter Strong Punch from Haggar with Mouko Burai Gan.

[                      \\\\\\\\  <
Haggar           0/-------/----===|

COMBATSYS: Takuma can no longer fight.

[                      \\\\\\\\  <
Haggar           0/-------/----===|

In a disgusting turnaround, Haggar elbows Takuma in the face. And, in an even more disgusting result, Takuma --- falls down. He doesn't get up, either. Whatever god had smiled on the old man must have STOPPED SMILING SOMETIME DURING THOSE LAST FEW MINUTES. Regardless, Sakazaki remains on the ground. Perhaps Haggar will remember this day for the rest of his life. Perhaps the impact of his elbow on Takuma's face will be his favorite memory. Or perhaps the absurd way the wrestler dodged that Triple Haohshokoken! You've got to admit it - that was pretty insane. Regardless, and Takuma will agree if he doesn't die due to elephants stomping on him or anything, this fight was absurd.

Absolutely epic.

Log created by Takuma, and last modified on 17:08:06 04/04/2007.