SNF 2019.05 - SNF: Smoke and Mirrors

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Description: It's Penn and Teller, live in Las Vegas. Except Penn is out sick with the flu, and Teller has laryngitis, so it's up to the SNF to make sure the show goes on! To replace the energetic Penn, the suave Johnny Cage rides on up, to host the magic show. Bob, however, is entrusted in knocking Johnny Cage down a peg as the true Canadian superstar, making the Teller of the duo. Will Johnny Cage show off some of his hollywood magic? Or will Bob show why you always need to watch out for the quiet ones?

Do You Believe In Magic?

It doesn't really matter if the crowded street of Fremont does or not because they all believe in JOHNNY CAGE. The Silver Screen Superstar, the Maestro of Martial Arts... he arrives in classic Johnny Cage fashion.

By Helicopter.

The loud and obnoxious sounds of the blades lead the way as Johnny Cage hangs from the ladder beneath and waves to all of his adoring and beloved fans. The chopper hovers over the stage and Johnny backflips off to land with so much three-point stancing that he might be secretly auditioning for that new REVENGERS superhero franchise that he's been hearing about from his agent.

The sparks fly and the smoke his landing kicks up fades away as he rises to his full height and grins out at the crowd. His signature sunglasses are only slightly askew on his face but he's working them anyway. His arms go out to his side and his head lifts as he basks in the glow of all that is Las Vegas and the hundreds (and hundreds!) of people screaming for him.

He's going to milk this attention for a while.

By contrast, Bob's entrance is much more subdued--but compared to how the illustrious JOHNNY CAGE got here, is that really saying all that much?

"Oh, there's Johnny," Bob says, pushing the backstage curtain back just enough to peer out. "Guess that's my cue."

Bob runs a hand through his hair and straights his shirt slightly. Today he's wearing a white button-up and a flower battered shirt that's open over top it. Acid-washed jeans and boots round out his wardrobe. ...but shouldn't he be in a suit for this?


Two staffers are meeting in the backstage. Drilling and hammering echo in the background as they assemble the stage.

"So, you did get a suit for Mr...Richards, right?"

"It'll be fine. I'm sure we have one that fits."

"Uh, you have...seen that guy, right?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine. Don't worry."

It was not fine.


"Sorry again about the wardrobe issue, Mr. Richards," a stage hand says, rubbing the back of his head.

"Just Bob's fine. And it's okay! I'll work with what I have. Anyway, I gotta get going!"

Bob breaks into a sprint, running on-stage. He turns on his heels and then leaps into a backflip, then two, then three before landing near Johnny. He waves to the crowd as well--even if most of them are probably hear for the moviestar instead of Canada's sexiest man.

"Loved your last one," Bob stage-whispers to Johnny. "Choreography was top notch."

"Always is, Bobaroonie. Always is."

Johnny Cage proceeds to make sure that his mouth is barely moving as he stage-whispers back to the Bob. He is, after all, in the middle of being loved on by his adoring public and fans. It's only right that he give them the attention that they so rightfully deserve. Which is any attention from Hollywood's Richest Man.

A few more waves and a couple more select nods at some of the finer groupies in the audience and then Johnny is stepping up to the microphone. Which he snatches off the stand and spin kicks the stand off the stage and in a random direction's not in his way.


Johnny gives the crowd a moment to respond with all the hoopin' and hollerin' that crowds do when you mention their cities during live performances. Cage, of course, wants them eating out of the palm of his hand.

"Can I just say what an honor it is to be back in one of the greatest cities in the world and right here in the hart of it all... FREMONT STREET!"

Here we go with the fishing for another pop from the crowd.

"So. I know most of you are here to see me, Johnny Cage, whip this dude's ass all over the place. And don't worry, you will. But I just wanted to take a moment to reach out to you Penn & Teller fans out there, who may be feeling a little disappointed or jipped that you're not gonna' see anything amazing. Don't be so hasty, guys, Johnny Cage is all the magic you're gonna' need."

Johnny pulls down his sunglasses, zeroes in on one of those groupies for later and breaks her heart in two with a wink.

Bob keeps waving to the occasional fan, but steps back for Johnny to take the lead. One particularly avid fan waves a sign in support for the karateka, but she keeps getting dirty looks from some of her neighbors.

When Johnny makes his introduction, Bob just gives it a nod. He doesn't seem terribly bothered. Perhaps, by now, Bob is used to this kind of treatment. Maybe he's just the type to let it roll on by. Or maybe he's waiting to see how Johnny handles himself in a fight.

"Take your time," Bob says, "but I'm ready whenever you are."

"Oooooooo. Here that, Cage Fans? Bobaroo Banzai over here's ready whenever I am. Hahahaha..."

Johnny Cage tosses another look at the crowd and goes into a fit of overstaylized and uproarious laughter. Enough so that the crowd catches on and soon enough there's a chorus of amusement raining up towards the stage. Johnny Cage doubles himself over with more of his laughing...

Until he suddenly springs back up, the microphone tossed off to the side and immediately bouncing into a a fighting stance reminiscent of many of his past films. "Oh, you didn't know? I'm Johnny Cage..."

Johnny makes a crackle of green energy pulsate from his body for just a quick moment. Just for the fans.

"I'm always ready."

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Johnny Cage      0/-------/-------|

Bob tilts his head slightly, raising an eyebrow. When the crowd gets in on it, there's a moment where Bob seems genuinely confused. It takes a moment for him to get the joke, but Bob rolls with it with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

He raises his arms up and clenches his fists, putting his head on his backfoot as she slides one back and puts the other forward, slightly resting on his heel.

He doesn't speak further, but instead raises one hand toward Johnny and beckoning for him to bring it.

COMBATSYS: Bob has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Bob              0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Johnny Cage reaches up for a moment and straightens out his sunglasses. He has to make sure he's looking as cool as possible before he rushes across the stage towards Bob, spinning on his heels the moment he gets close enough and aims an extended arm in the direction of the side of Bob's skull.

"Let's give 'em a show, huh?" is ventriloquist'd in Bob's direction while Johnny makes his opening gambit.

COMBATSYS: Bob endures Johnny Cage's Back Punch.

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Bob              0/-------/----===|==-----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

"Huh?" Bob quickly silences his surprise at the bout of ventriloquism, and soon he finds that Johnny has closed the gap and is opening with a strong punch. Bob closes in, taking the hit cleanly against his shoulder and neck. It's a reeling, powerful hit--but Bob stays steadfast to take advantage of his opening.

His arm snaps out first, grabbing for Johnny's arm. If he gets it, he pulls the star forward while kicking at Johnny's knee and striking down with his elbow.

Provided he gets the purchase he needs to stagger the star, Bob spins around into an arm twist with that arm he'd grabbed earlier, finishing with a swift low kick to try and knock the other man off balance.

"Of course! Let's make this look good!"

COMBATSYS: Bob successfully hits Johnny Cage with Eye Opener.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Bob              0/-------/-======|=====--\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Johnny Cage is all smiles... until his arm gets grabbed up by Bob. The resulting combination of kick and elbow has him staggering something special, his attempt at blocking such viciousness simply powered through. The Shadow Star stumbles... but Bob's still got his arm so he doesn't fall. Not until another kick comes his way and knocks Johnny completely off balance!

Johnny hits the stage hard, grunting and rolling away to give himself a bit of room to hop back up to his feet.

"Everybody gets one." is commented as he reaches up to make sure his sunglasses are still on his face. It only takes a moment to straighten them back out.

Johnny rushes for Bob, reaching out to grab him and aims a couple of quick jabs at Bob's face. Swift movements hopefully allow him to spin and offer a backhand to the Groin of Bob before finishing with a dismissive kick to send Bob across the stage!

It's a cleverly choreographed plan... but will it take?!

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage successfully hits Bob with Kick The Eff Outta Here.

[          \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Bob              1/-------/=======|=======\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Bob steps back out of the kick with a heavy footfall, but for a man of his height and weight--Bob moves pretty well! His arms raise as he tightens his guard again, backstepping to widen the distance between himself and J.C. just a little more.

"Oh don't worry," Bob says, "I know I'm gonna have to work for another set of hits like that."

And Bob's prophecy fulfills itself when Johnny moves in for the follow-up. Bob's guard tightens, but he can't stop all the jabs. One is blocked before another catches him in the face, staggering him enough to leave him open for two more. The groin hit follow-up staggers Bob enough that the kick lays him out, knocking him to the ground.

Bob groans, taking a minute to get his bearings. As he does, he snaps up into a rising kick, launching into a leg sweep before he's even fully on his feet.

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage interrupts Medium Kick from Bob with Cliffhanger.
- Power hit! -

[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////        ]
Bob              1/-======/=======|=======\=------\1      Johnny Cage

Johnny Cage moves with the quickness after laying the kick down on Bob. It's only a moment later, though, that Bob's already on the rise back up. Which gives Johnny the chance to smirk. His eyes narrow behind the mirrored sunglasses and he can see what's headed in his direction as something about the way Bob's getting his bearings that looks like...


Johnny telegraphs the kick headed his way and flashes green around himself as he rises into a backflippy kick aiming to catch the surprise attacking Bob with a surprise kicking attack of his own!


Caught with his guard down, Bob takes the full brunt of the flip kick. He briefly goes airborne before landing hard on his back in a brief daze. He can hear the fans cheering for Johnny; the crowd is psyched. He can't blame them, either. The man has a reputation. Bob may be an accomplished fighter, but the new look has been...well, SOME people like it, at least.

But Bob wasn't aiming to be popular. He was aiming to be good. He plants one hand on the ground and pushes up, climbing to his feet. Wiping his jaw with the back of his arm, Bob resumes his fighting stance, readjusting his balance as he gets ready.

"Good hit," Bob says, "Can't say I expected any less from a man who does his own stunts. Now...let's turn things up a notch!"

Bob backsteps, planting both feet solidly in a wide, low karate stance. He powers forward with a sharp gut punch, aiming to slam right through Johnny's guard!

But as Bob slams down his boot and steps into the kick, he rides the forward momentum and steps into a two-handed follow-up strike where he thrusts forward with both palms in an blow that rattles the stage.

COMBATSYS: Bob blitzes into action and acts again!

[                \\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////        ]
Bob              1/---====/=======|=======\=------\1      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Bob successfully hits Johnny Cage with Hot Cross Bun.

[                 \\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Bob              1/-======/=======|=======\====---\1      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Bob successfully hits Johnny Cage with Granchi Cannon.

[                 \\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////                 ]
Bob              2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2      Johnny Cage

Johnny Cage is grinning so much at the way the crowd is cheering for him. Maybe they are cheering for the match itself as well but Johnny has decided that all the cheers belong to him. He is, after all, Johnny Cage.

"Y'know, if I had known you were already such a fan, I would've went a little easier on you, pal." Johnny quips this at Bob... but only before things get turned up a notch.

The notches are no longer on the belt by the time Bob finishes making the stage rattle. Johnny Cage's body also rattles something fierce, his body damn near breaks under the first gut punch that slams straight through hands of flailing blockery. Johnny's gutted like a clownfish and then Bob's follow-up rocks Johnny's world enough that the Silver Screen Machine goes down harder than before.

While Johnny attempts to get to his feet, his body glows a bit green as if trying to recharge himself or something. Trying to burn away some of the pain that's trying to keep him down. He stumbles a second but manages to balance on his feet enough to drop into a crouch near Bob and rise with the Klassic Upperkut!

COMBATSYS: Bob interrupts Uppercut from Johnny Cage with Spiral Rocky.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Bob              0/-------/-<<<<<<|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2      Johnny Cage

The sudden shift of momentum will certainly draw a number of oohs and aahs from the crowd, but Bob taking a brief advantage probably sits pretty poorly with most of the crowd. Even so, his diehard fans know what they want--and Johnny seems ready to deliver for his own with the next move.

Bob draws out of the palm strike and raises his guard as Johnny blurs in with that afterimage-powered, glowing green uppercut. As he punch comes close, Bob goes low, readying his a punch of his own. His muscles tighten like a cobra ready to strike. Johnny aims high, and Bob backsteps and lets the uppercut pass by his head before launching up with a spinning double-uppercut of his own.

The big man lands with a rumbling thump, using a three-point stance where his hand helps keep his balance.

"Whew," Bob said, "Like I said, I may be a fan--but that's what I've gotta see the best you've got to offer!"

Johnny Cage falls into slow motion when his uppercut misses. There's enough time for him to look out at the crowd and moutb, "Oh Sh--" before he's smacked into the air with the spinning double-uppercut from Bob. It takes him higher into the air and sends him sprawling to smash down into the stage in much of the same manner he dismounted the helicopter earlier.

Only this time he lands on his face.

Johnny Cage was pushes up to his feet, barely and tries to gain his footing. He stumbles around, grasping out for anything but there's not much on the stage to grab onto. It's not until he gets close enough to Bob does Johnny's acting become clear and he drops down into the splits and aims a series of vicious green glowing Nut Punches to the Bobster before launching himself into the air and aiming to come back down with a brutal elbow to Bob's back!

COMBATSYS: Bob just-defends Johnny Cage's Go Nuts EX!

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Bob              0/-------/-<<<<<<|>>>>>>>\>------\1      Johnny Cage

Bob's focus doesn't leave Johnny even as the crowd erupts. Boos and cheers blend together into one great cacophony of energized fans as Bob glances around into the crowd on Fremont Street. It's a short lived reprieve, however, before Johnny's rising--staggering (?) to his feet.

"I may be in trouble if you got up from that one," Bob says, taking a heavy breath. "You need a sec?" Bob says, too low for the mic and with his back turned toward the camera to keep lip-readers at bay.

But Bob's attempt at courtesy seems for naught, as Cage's feints segues into a flurry of low-blows. Bob backsteps and sweeps downward with a aggressive block to stop the first punch. Rather than wait out the flurry, Bob retreats away from it as he parries the second before shifting into a high forearm block to intercept the elbow. The whole exchange looks almost like some sort of ongoing dance between the two fighters, each move greeted with a countermove.

But Bob doesn't linger after going on the defensive. He steps forward into a strong right straight, punching forward even as Johnny sinks his landing from the back elbow.

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage can't buy an interrupt against Medium Punch from Bob with Nut Punch.

[                 \\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Bob              0/-------/=======|

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage can no longer fight.

[                 \\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Bob              0/-------/=======|

Johnny Cage is not afraid to die.

He is, however, afraid to lose.

He doesn't see the Punch coming until it is too late. After his tirade of vicious low-blows that get countered like a scientific calculator, Johnny Cage finds himself catching the full brunt of a fist of power that goes right into the side of his head. He spins from the impact, blood spurting from his mouth, as he goes around and around before falling like a ton of bricks to the stage. He smacks heavily into it and his eyes close, the consciousness fading from his body with relative ease.

Wait, his eyes? They can be seen for once! As those mirrored sunglasses of his clatter to the ground next the rocked body and bruised ego of the Illustrious Johnny Cage.

Bob maintains his stance following the punch. His eyes follow Cage as he spins down, then takes a tumble. Shortly afterward, the medics arrive--but not before the crowd has time to response.

"What? Did he take down Cage?"

"Who is that fat guy?"


The crowd starts getting rowdy, which is a sign for Bob to take his leave before things get too chaotic.

Log created on 09:21:53 05/25/2019 by Bob, and last modified on 20:11:33 05/25/2019.