SNF 2018.11 - SNF: Aerobicide

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Description: 80s music, tight spandex, sweatbands, leg-warmers! Hinata is given an all expense paid trip to the KILLER WORKOUT health center and spa! Girls check in here for an afternoon of heart-pumping work out sessions, but they don't check out! Little does she know, Mercedes is waiting in the wings, having been dispatched to take care of the source of the spa's murderous little problem. Will Mercedes and Hinata push it to the limit and solve this mystery, or will they mistake each other for the mad giant safety-pin wielding killer in disguise?! It turns out that Mercedes triumphs over Hinata's justice!


The studio is ringing with the syntho-sweetness of retrowave that overwhelms conscious thought and concern. The KILLER WORKOUT has some pop-chic horror movies and a cutey-poo theme about RUNNING FROM MONSTERS and so on, as well as very favorable rates for new customers. And they're regional SNF sponsors this week...

This particular class is being led by a man with a natural perm and a gleam in his eye.

"And run and kick and JUMP and kick and RUN and JUMP and RUN in place and TOSS your hair and RAISE your arms and," the man says, before faltering and looking towards the person in the front.

ZOOM IN: Sycheal Mimmons. An American expatriate who's trying to make his second comeback. The supporting materials for this SNF will explain how he's The Safety Pin Killer, but his big purpose is to be here front and center and set things up for

"YES?" Sycheal says, as the synthwave stops.

"Oh thanks," Mercedes says, tossing her hair back, glistening in the soft-focus high-exposure light. Stalking forwards, her neon-teal-and-magenta leggings gleaming, she comes up to him and is tossed, by a stage-hand, a novelty-sized safety pin. "I wanted to ask you something -"

She swings it up into the frame. "Do you, like, recognize this?"

Sycheal's eyes widen. His mouth hangs open. He lets out a sound best rendered as "uhhhwwwwwaaaaahhhh?!"

"Because this looks a lot like the tool of the Safety Pin Killer to me, like, here, let me show you -" And Mercedes unfastens it.

"How did you KNOW?"

"Because you have a safety pin on your dumb t-shirt, you sex pervert," Mercedes says, before she STABS THE PIN INTO HIS CHEST! Of course, this will be shown from the side - from Hinata's perspective, Mercedes just jammed a piece of glossy plastic through a blood bladder in the armpit of Sycheal's shirt. Blood gouts everywhere, spurting over Mercedes' hand, arm, and face; she wipes some off and tastes it, which is probably horrifying.

Then she twists round and

PSUEDO-CSYS: Mercedes has targeted Sycheal Mimmons with Erotic Kick.
PSEUDO-CSYS: Sycheal is hit by Mercedes' Erotic Kick.

Sycheal goes flying out towards the window as the Foley artist plays a really loud 'crash' noise and candy-glass shards are thrown forwards. A stagehand ducks out to help arrange Sycheal to where he will lie, dead, on the ground, as Mercedes looks towards the class.

"So I guess," she says, before popping a piece of gum in her mouth, "that's class dismissed. Anybody got a PROBLEM? You can line up to kiss my feet OR ass thank you, if you want." Mercedes puts a hand on her hip then and blows a big pink bubble, which she pops at the rudest possible moment.

Hinata is, like, totally stoked for the Neo-League! But she wants to get some more training in before her first match. So when she won a free trip/class/whatever to this exercise place, she saw it as a great way to get an extra full-body work-out and maybe give her an edge. I mean, it's unlikely they'll be able to do much for a practically superhuman athele like her with NORMAL exercise routines, but this place is supposed to be TOP TIER, rite?

So maybe they use Secret Disco Work-Outs. To the MAX.

Hinata is here in a pink leotard with fuzzy white arm and leg warmers, as well as her sneakers and headband, groovin' to the 80s along with everyone else, when suddenly the music stops and some kind of altercation breaks out!

Hinata, lost in her own little world, humming her own music, and keeps on exercising right up until the point where some guy gets stabbed and then kicked. She turns at the scream, and finds there's some lady standing there after kicking the dude that was there, blood all over the floor, and a broken window.

"Hey! You!" She calls out then turns and asides out of the corner of her mouth, '(Get off of my cloud!)' before turning back. It's a 60s reference rather than an 80s but once she started reviewing potential songs that might be played at this studio, she couldn't stop after she finishes all of the 80s music in existence! ...And the 70s. ...And apparently half of the 60s.

"You're a maniac! A maniiiiiaaac! That's for sure!" She settles into her fighting stance, bouncing from sneakered foot to sneakered foot. "I'll show you fighting like you've never fought before!"

COMBATSYS: Mercedes has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Mercedes         0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Hinata has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Hinata           0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0         Mercedes

Sychael lays on the ground and 'bleeds'.

Mercedes turns her attention towards Hinata, blinking several times. She has an irritating vacancy to her eyes and her lips despite the model-esque perfection of facial features that may have been improved by the knife or just by some kind of extremely vain application of "chi." She raises a fingertip to her lips and says, "Oh, yeah? So you have a problem with it? Well instead of like, painstakingly explainin' to you how I'm the one who saved you all from being stabbed in the butthole by that guy -"

Camera cut to Sychael Mimmons, who has a small sign out now with the URL for his 'Murderously Burnin' Aerobicize Package' leaning against his belly.

Back to Mercedes.

"I'm going to beat you down," she concludes, raising up her hands in a slightly parodic old-timey boxing way - left up ready to guard, right down ready to jab. She steps closer, almost hop-hopping until she gets near enough to threaten Hinata with a jab.

At which point she snaps one foot out instead. A low kick? No - she aims to hook underneath Hinata's leg and pull it out from underneath her.

COMBATSYS: Hinata endures Mercedes' Vous Desequilibrer.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Hinata           0/-------/---====|=------\-------\0         Mercedes

The schoolgirl replies with the greatest of retorts. "Oh yeah!?" However will Mercedes respond!?

Apparently, by tripping Hinata!

Hinata allows herself to be tripped, allowing herself to fall back and slam her back to the ground painfully. It looks like she just got suckered hard by Mercedes' tricky move! But from her prone position, with her legs in the air, she turns her hands so that she's pushing down with her palms, moves into a handstand, and begins helicoptering her legs around upside-down, sending flaming Chi spiralling out from her feet.

"Enbukyaku!" she calls out. She doesn't normally do this upside-down, but when she's facing some kind of murderer-murderer who wants to beat her up, she can't afford to not improvise with all her heart!


COMBATSYS: Mercedes fails to counter Enbukyaku EX from Hinata with Va te faire foutre!.

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Hinata           0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0         Mercedes

"Hah! You fell on your ass," Mercedes says, hand going back on her hip. She takes a hop backwards as Hinata twists round to dismount, the hand on her hip coming up in antcipation as Hinata approaches -

And if she were, in fact, simply doing a spin-kick from an upside down posture, Mercedes would have punched her in a way that would have added a very specific sub-interest-group tag to this Saturday Night Fight.

But Hinata has a secret. That secret is fire. The fire erupts and Mercedes goes flying backwards hard enough to hit the mirrored-wall - of course there's a mirrored wall, it's probably a dance studio at times - and has it crack behind her. As she slides to the ground, she looks up and says - "Enbukyaku!? Doesn't that mean a hundred Enbus? I don't speak Japanese!!"

She says, in what is probably actually Japanese, but the source of the Illuminati's cunning linguists is a story for another day, true believers!

As Hinata lands in a hand stand and handsprings up into the air to somersault into a standing position, she feels the ache of her shoulders and back from that harsh impact still stinging her. "Listen, that isn't the name I apped for the attack! I didn't pick that to have on my sheet! //I// chose 'Fiery Dance Kick'! Where do you get off criticizing me anyway!? You just attacked some random man who was enjoying his aerobics class! Gosh, you make me so mad! I'll never forgive you for defeating that completely random stranger I have no connection to!"

She then advances into melee range, unless Mercedes backs away or otherwise avoids it, and launches out a close-range Chi blast from her fist as she tries to fireball punch this lady who randomly assaults people for what is probably no reason whatsoever, but which she definitely won't attempt to verify until this is all over!

COMBATSYS: Mercedes dodges Hinata's Kikou Shoutei.

[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////       ]
Hinata           0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0         Mercedes

Mercedes is a person who is often in need of Verification, but that verification is not easily come-by - at least, if you do not have the dark connection to the situation of

[[tape error]]

Why did the SNF cameras all flicker for a moment there? Perhaps an angel was passing by, or perhaps some kind of twist of fate. Either way Mercedes is already halfway in motion when things come back together, swinging back a hand as she balances, preposterously, on one heel. It would be precarious if it wasn't for the fact that she seems perfectly at home in this posture.

In fact she shoves her hands into the waistband of her exercise pants. They sparkle, inevitably.

"Strange... this kind of awareness isn't something you should worry about. Leave the things starting with," and here Mercedes forks her fingers, forming a + sign, "to the experts. Here, I'll beat the thoughts out of your head."

Mercedes' next move is to slam her foot forwards straight on at Hinata's face, pushing forwards afterwards to land in a slight crouch. "Horah!" she shouts, as if for emphasis. "Now, then - get ready to SWEAT, girl!"

COMBATSYS: Hinata blocks Mercedes' Heel Kick.

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Hinata           0/-------/=======|=====--\-------\0         Mercedes

Hinata brings up her arms to take the hit from Mercedes as her Chi punch is avoided. It's a pretty solid blow that sends the schoolgirl skidding backwards. Her trusty sneakers help her keep her footing, and she chooses to utilize that trustiness for a different purpose as she jumps up into the air and kicks them off at her opponent... One-two! ...T-three!?

She somehow is still wearing sneakers when she lands, regardless of if her projectile attack hits or not. "I came here to work out, but a fight is fine too! Either way, I'll become stronger so I can fight for justice!" And also for the flimsiest of reasons, because fighting game character.

COMBATSYS: Mercedes blocks Hinata's Renkyakudan EX.

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Hinata           0/-------/=======|======-\-------\0         Mercedes

SHOES! Her greatest friend and greatest foe all at once. As the shoes snap into her, Mercedes says "uh!" and lurches backwards, saying as her nose twitches, "How DARE you! Trying to inflict the athletic fragrance of enthusiastic energy on me in such a curdled and nasty way!"

What happened to the shoes, anyway? One of them bounced square off her head; while breaking her momentary clinch (ish) with Hinata, she seemed to have parried another one with her shin, which has led to her favoring the other leg. Her hands come up then, fingers curling loosely.

"I'll show you the real justice of a leg her-"

Mercedes tilts her head as if reading something over Hinata's shoulder. She shakes her head once, and instead feints a jab towards Hinata's chin: this is, of course, a lie, because she is composed of 32% lies by mass (contents may have shifted in transit) and instead snaps her foot up to try and hit Hinata straight in the spleen with one foot.

Who let her put steel toes in her workout shoes?

DID she??

COMBATSYS: Hinata blocks Mercedes' Fouette Italiene.

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Hinata           1/------=/=======|======-\-------\0         Mercedes

Hinata's Fearsome Shoe Attack doesn't seem very effective...

Mercedes uses Spleen Kick! It doesn't seem very effective...

Trading blows back and forth, Hinata blocks the harsh kick despite the increasing difficulty of defending against these hard-hitting blows, but she can't keep going on like this! Can she!? She blocked with her leg this time since her arms are still sore from the last blocking attempt. She needs to start making progress, even if the more she's beat down the harder she's able to fight.

She shines brightest in the face of adversity. She tries to dart in and seize Mercedes by the leg that was just used to kick her, then turn and throw her opponent to the training mat. Maybe she can knock this clearly experienced challenger off balance by disrupting her rhythm.

She has no witty retort this time (or the other times), because she is, like, FOCUSED. CONCENTRATED. Like 100% orange juice!

God, that's a great game.

COMBATSYS: Hinata successfully hits Mercedes with Quick Throw.

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Hinata           1/-----==/=======|=======\-------\0         Mercedes

Mercedes bares her teeth in frustration as her leg is clasped firmly, and then she twists herself in the other direction - the direction she assumed Hinata would go for - and in that moment she makes an Ass out of U and Med, and poor Med is going to have to clean up the splat on the floor where she impacted! Her leg, jerked slightly out of true, sticks upwards - the foot arches as Mercedes twists herself back into proper alignment, ass on the ground, eyes glaring daggers at Hinata.

"That stupid, dutiful look on your face, like some kind of - of justice hamster - I HATE it! I want to grind it under my heel and watch it turn to tears!"

("That wasn't on the cue cards," says one of the producers. The sound can be faintly heard in the foley mix of this fight's DVD edition.)

Mercedes suddenly stands up as the cold wind blows. ("Uh," says Sycheal, still on the ground.) It blows from the northeast.

"Cry!" Mercedes says, before she leaps forwards, buoyed by the wind and twisting round to try and plant her heel into Hinata's breadbasket, to bear her over with this leap - and then snapping one fist down to try to punch her, simultaneously, in the crown of the head. "AND SCREAM FOR MERCY!"

COMBATSYS: Mercedes blitzes into action and acts again!

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Hinata           1/-----==/=======|=======\-------\0         Mercedes

COMBATSYS: Mercedes successfully hits Hinata with Coquin Mistral.

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Hinata           1/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\=------\1         Mercedes

COMBATSYS: Mercedes successfully hits Hinata with Thrust Kick.

[                         \\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Hinata           2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\==-----\1         Mercedes

Hinata's hamster face gets pummeled! Then she's kicked! She gets hurled away fiercely, and it seems that Mercedes got her way! Hinata is full of energy, so she's likely to spring back to her feet shortly after the fight is over, but she'll do so with bruises, aches, pains, and a swollen cheek! For now, she staggers back to her feet, spits out some blood and leaps into the air towards Mercedes as she begins spinning fiercely, a prismatic rainbow of fiery chi blazing around her outstretched leg! She yells out a fierce battle cry!


It's a work in progress.

COMBATSYS: Hinata can no longer fight.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Mercedes         1/-----==/=======|

COMBATSYS: Mercedes counters Rasen Enbukyaku from Hinata with Coupe de pied bas.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Mercedes         0/-------/-----==|

"NO!" Mercedes yells, snapping her leg upwards to hit that incoming glowing aura of chi and -

Well, the good news is that it works in the sense that Mercedes manages not to get kicked in the chest. The down side is that by throwing her utmost up into the underside of the kick, the deflection - which probably adds another nasty bruise to Hinata's toll of toil - has the energy behind it to send HER flying up too.

"Whoop," Mercedes says as she rises up hard enough to smash into the ceiling. A couple of seconds the wind stops.

"Well," says the SNF film director, "that's a wr"

Mercedes falls out of the ceiling with a loud thump.


Log created on 20:30:30 11/12/2018 by Hinata, and last modified on 14:59:52 11/19/2018.