SNF 2018.05 - SNF: The Sexy Avengers

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Description: Sometimes, it's tough to be a single mama. Vanessa, Crimson Viper, and even Michelle Chang are all examples of lonely single moms who are looking for a fight. But not everyone has a license for VillainsOnly.Com. That's where the sexiest fighters of the world circuit come in. Taking the central stage, the perform the hit Marvel movie, Civil War, with a sexy twist. Rufus, dressed as Sexy Captain America, must fight Bob, dressed as Sexy Iron Man. But when Eliot, dressed as Sexy Loki comes into the mix, it becomes a race against time as they all have the steamiest, most sensual fight for all those single mamas at home.

Bob had gotten used to this by now.

Several years ago when he debuted on the fighting circuit he drew attention as much for his roguish charm and good lucks as he did for his reputation as a karate genius. When he hit a roadblock, he disappeared for his specialized training, and came back a changed man. He honestly expected to lose a lot of fans until he could prove himself. It was only natural that some people would be skeptical about his perfect blend of speed and weight due to his specially-engineered body.

What he never expected was that it would take off in his own way. First the fight with Hitomi...even if that one was a bit of a misunderstanding...and now this. Bob was actually just looking for a good matchup and a little extra money, but he couldn't say he wasn't flattered by the invitation to play Tony Stark in a Civil War reenactment.


"You're kidding, right?" Bob said, holding up the two small "Sexy Iron Man" costume. He stuck a hand through the seat, which looked more like a red and gold sumo loincloth than an actual Iron Man costume. The wardrobe staffer looked at him warily.


"Oh, no no, this isn't sexy, this is just tacky. Let me see that..."


Bob slicks his hair back--presently spray-dyed black--and steps out into the stage, following the end of the background monologue and a big pyrotechnic display. He is dressed as a partly stout Tony Stark, complete with a three-piece suit (slightly snug by flattering) and sunglasses. He takes them off in a dramatic sweep, shaking his hair out of his face like a shampoo commercial.

"Steve, we need to talk about this--"


"Honestly," Rufus explained to the costumer who was already tuning him out, "I never woulda taken this part if not for my girl Candy. Not really my kinda movie, you know, all flash and no content! The fights are just all special effects, nothin' like the good kung-fu flicks I grew up on, but Candy, man, she looks at me with those sweet eyes of hers and says to me, 'Rufus, you know, I always had a sweet spot for Captain America... gotta love a patriot in uniform!' And who can blame her? He's a real American hero! Boom! Pow! Punchin' Nazis! Defending the American way of life! Hell, I'm practically Captain America myself."

Rufus pauses, grunting, stuffing his feet into the boots they gave him.

"So I says Candy, baby, I'm promise you I'm gonna get that part, and so I get a guy I know to get ahold of the producers, I explain my obviously important credentials as the strongest fighter in America, and they said they already HAD someone for the part of Captain America! Can you believe it? So I say, is it that Chris Evans guy? Because I mean, he's built like a brick shithouse but I think I can take him. And they said, no, sir, and we can't really reveal who's going to appear in the role, it's kind of a big surprise, and that's when I knew. I just knew it. They'd gotten that creep KEN MASTERS to play Captain America!"

Rufus grits his teeth, partly out of hatred for his erstwhile rival, partly out of frustration for the belt, which probably wasn't sized for either him OR Ken, truthfully.

"But I promised Candy, and I can't break a promise to a hot little thing like her, so I fly on down here to Sydney and I found the punk outside one night after rehearsals. And let's just say I... convinced him he didn't want the part no more!" Rufus grins triumphantly, and the costumer would probably be calling the cops to report an actual crime if he was paying any attention.


"Ken! Ken Masters! You can't get away from me, even in Australia!"

Jude Law turns around to face the darkened alley, looking extremely confused. "Who?"

Smash cut to Jude Law in a trash can.


"So anyway," Rufus says, pulling the mask over his head, "I've never been in a stage play. This is gonna be great." He tries zipping up the skintight jumpsuit only to find it goes up even less than the authentic Bruce Lee replica he usually wears. No matter. The ladies like a little skin, yeah? Red boots, blue jumpsuit barely zipped to the waist, cinched with a belt, and Cap's shield strapped to his wrist. He definitely looked SOME part.

"Thought the shield was bigger than this, though," Rufus grumbles, fiddling with the wrist strap as he heads out onto the stage.


Rufus swaggers onto the stage, larger than life. He gestures grandiosely at "Tony Stark" with his shielded hand. Wait a sec, isn't that the guy he fought at that restaurant once?

"No, Tony, it's time to let ME do the talking, because you do ALL the talking, ALL the time! A modest guy like me, CAPTAIN AMERICA, only talks when he has to! And I'm here to protest your unfair persecution of my best bud and decorated war veteran, BUCKY BARNES!"

Rufus gyrates his hips every time he ends a sentence. Flesh wobbles everywhere. It's supposed to be a Sexy Civil War!



The shout cuts through the din of noise created by the busy Taipei street at the height of rush hour, somehow. A number of youths halt in their tracks, turning their attention to the garishly dressed man in sunglasses as he hops and waves across the street. One of those youths happens to the blonde haired Eliot. Crystal blue eyes lift up, locking on the mirror lenses of aviators shades that accompany a smile of recognition. "YEAH YOU! C'MERE! I HAVE A GREAT DEAL FOR YOU!"

Eliot, confused, points to himself as he looks around from side to side, and is responded to with empathic nodding.

Normally, Eliot wouldn't be tempted to hear someone like this out. He'd assume it is a scam, targeting him because he looks like a tourist. But, he's on his warrior's journey, and he's trying to do this independently. Which means he has absolutely no money. None. And his stomach grumbles to remind him of just how dire that fact is.

He finds himself crossing the street, weaving through deadlocked vehicles to reach the other side.

"I...I have no money, just so you know. I mean, if you're trying to con me..."

"What, kid? HAHA! No! Nothing like that at all! You just have this look about you. I want to make you a star!!!" The man with the mirror shades proclaims, flashing a smile full of teeth that are too white, too straight, and too square. That little dimple in his chin somehow makes him seem plastic.

"A star?" The young fighter asks, lifting his eyebrows.

"Yeah! You ever see the Avengers?! How do you feel about Australia..."


"I...I'm really not so sure about this... Uhm. Is this really what the costume is supposed to look like in the next movie?" Eliot asks as he looks down at his slender frame. The costume in question is tight fitting and made primarily of vinyl. It follows a black, green, and gold color scheme, true to the character Eliot is supposed to be portraying, but the similarities sort of end there. There is a nod to armor pieces on his shoulders, but those are held on by simply black vinyl straps that cross over his chest. Similar wrappings continue upward to wind around his slender neck, but his creamy, taut midsection is left bare and exposed, all supple lines and sinuous curves of muscle that are defined, but not chiseled. Just under his navel, a pair of shorts, also black, were only able to be fitting over Eliot's hips by virtue of a pair of costumers with a literal bucket of lubrication. The shorts barely cover the young Kung Fu fighter's heart shaped rear, and leave a tantalizing glimpse of smooth, alabaster thighs before a pair of green and black latex thigh-high boots swallow each leg. And, of course, there is a helmet. Gold, with long, sweeping horns that look fairly accurate to the movie, and though it only frames his face and encircles his head, so that Eliot's messy mane of silky, flaxen hair is left freeflowing.

"Oh yeah, kid!" Don, the aviator-wearing Ken Doll that Eliot had met in Taiwan enthusiastically ensures. "Trust me! I have connections, baby! My second-cousin's girlfriend's sister's best friend is working on set with the real deal right now, and he totally snapped me pictures of the costume! It's all legit!"

Eliot's cheeks are rosey as he lowers his eyes, and touches the tip of each forefinger together. His heart is thudding in his chest like it is trying to escape. He feels a bit woozy. Can he really go out in front of a crowd of people like this? Could he do that at all? His knees are weak and wobbling. Is this what stage fright feels like.

"O...Okay. I'll do my best!!!"

"That's the spirit, Elijah! I believe in you! Just remember your cue, and then get out there and shake that ass!"


"KICK that ass! KICK that ass!! That's what I meant!!!"

Huh, Bob thinks, What a weird guy. To each his own, though. Don't I know this guy form somewhere? Where was it? --oh well, it can't be that important.

Sexy Tony Stark raises an arm, jabbing a finger at Sexy Captain America across the stage. Wow, that was a lot of ad lib, Bob thinks.

"And it's that sort of attitude that gets people killed!" Sexy Tony Stark tugs at his partly unbuttoned shirt, pulling it a little more loose. He tilts his head. "Bucky Barnes is a war criminal, and he needs to go on trial. We can't just do what we like because we're the Avengers. We say we're policing the world, but who's policing us, huh, Steve?"

I got this, Bob thinks. This script isn't too hard.


"Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't get upset!" Bob says, reassuring the beleagured wardrobe staffer with a soft pat on the shoulder. "See, you've got to mix sexy with class. Ladies like a sharp-dressed man in a suit. It's charming. Got to play to your strengths, you know." Bob eyes the Iron Man costume again. "Hmmmmm..."

It is a battle of immense proportions. No wonder it has attracted the attention of soon to be (one fo these years) director Jae-Mo Kang. The girthy sumo/wrestler/director/whatever sits there with a giant turkey leg in hand and a soda in the other as he watches on with eyes wide at what is unfolding before him.

He is also taking up close to three seats.

In one case is a rather dour looking young man pretty much sitting on the armrest of his chair trying his best not to get whacked in the face by the turkey leg while attempting to enjoy the fight. On the other side is a older woman dressed in cheetah print shirt and tight black pants who seems to be paying more attention to Kang than the fight itself. "A director you say? That is so dreamy. What kind of movies do you do?"

"Hmm?" Kang is still more focused on the mighty battle about to be waged, though who is he not to talk about movies when asked. "Oh several of them. I want to do mostly action, but a director always needs to adapt.....did you lose near my thigh? Your hand is moving along it quite a bit." Nevermind that. She'll find what she needs. There is a fight to be had and maybe...just maybe this will inspire movie ideas.

"Well, Mr. Stark--" And suddenly Rufus is struck with inspiration, like a bolt from the blue.

This is the Sydney Opera House, right?
That means the acoustics in here are amazing, right?
So a little musical number probably would be just right, right?
And with music comes dancing! The ladies love dancing! And Rufus is America's best dancer! Obviously!

Under his breath, he mutters, "This one's for you, Candy." Rufus suddenly breaks into a sprint, sliding to a halt just in front of Bob, one meaty sausage finger poked into the chest of Bob's loosely-buttoned shirt. And then, completely unaccompanied by any music except the rock and roll soundtrack constantly playing in his head, Rufus begins to belt out the lyrics.

There are no lyrics.


Rufus flips through the script. "That's it? That's all Cap has to say? C'mon, he's truth and justice personified, he's gotta get in a little more than that! How can that jerk Tony Stark get all the good lines?"

The director looks over her glasses at Rufus and delivers a stern glare. "/No/ ad-libbing, big boy."


"Tony Staaaark, the Iron Maaaan!" Rufus hipthrusts menacingly at Bob.
"Smartest guy in the roooooom--" Once again, he pokes Bob in the chest, this time with a little more power behind it.
"Wants the GOVERNMENT to stop his BIG DUMB PLANS, before he leads us all to our doooooom!" Rufus spins back to center stage, puffs up his chest, and belly laughs. He everything laughs. He jiggles like a bowl fully of jelly.

"Well let me tell you, my fellow hero, if you'd just used some common sense..." Rufus sidles up against a giant concrete column, part of the set decoration, and oozes up and down it like a stripper working a pole.

"We wouldn't have these Sokovia Accords, breathing down our neeeeeecks!" He makes sure to accentuate 'breathing' and 'necks.' The dames dig that kinda stuff. For his part, Rufus gets low. Real low. Low enough you wouldn't think he'd be able to get back up.

Rufus breathes heavily as he returns to his feet, then gets right in Bob's face again. "Besides, when did you ever let anyone telling you no stop you?" A snappy one liner! They're gonna love you, Rufus.

This is going well so far, Bob tells himself. There's a little ad lib, but it's working. It's just--is he singing? Oh, no. He's singing. Bob looks around for signs of stagehands, for music. Anything to make it work a little more smoothly. There can't just be that section, can there, maybe people can ignore? Should he start singing too? Ugh, why is this guy so familiar?

"This isn't about us, it's about them!" Huh, he moves pretty well too. Bob thrusts his finger against Rufus chest. The two men press up dangerously close to one another. Like two barges starting to collide on the bay.

Oh, one liner. Bob mulls. --hmm, that's a little risque there, though. How about...

"And when could you ever tell someone no? This is just about you and him, isn't it?"

Bob sidesteps back into a spin. Someone from wardrobe tosses him an oversized Iron Man gauntlet. He catches it on the edge, flips it around awkwardly, then saves it with a snap onto his arm. It grows with a bright blue LED as Bob peels back his shirt to expose the red chest plate and another LED.

"But if you're siding with him, you're siding against us!"

This is going AMAZINGLY, Rufus tells himself. Sure, the director told him not to ad lib, but it's working! He just wished the other guy would get a little more into the spirit of sexiness. He also couldn't shake the feeling he knew this guy from somewhere. If it weren't for the fact that he put Ken Masters in a trashcan the other night to teach him a lesson about proper acting, he'd swear this was Ken Masters with a great bulked-up body like his own.

He slides in close to Bob, but he makes sure the audience still hears his every word. They're important words. "It's not just about us, Tony! It's about you, and me! And Bucky! And sometimes all three of us, based on some fanfic I accidentally read once!" He turns his head towards the audience and waggles his eyebrows alluringly, gyrating at Bob; their respective outfits ripple like a pond that had a side of beef tossed into it. "Why, our fans, Tony, they just have the wildest imaginations. Stuff you wouldn't believe! Stuff which probably isn't physically possible! Which they're free to write, because this is America! And that's what it's all about!"

Rufus proudly displays the shield to the audience, eliciting a few cheers. His voice rises as he continues: "Because I'm CAPTAIN America, and I believe in FREEDOM! TRUTH, JUSTICE, and the good old-fashioned down-home American way! Tolerating war criminals because they did a good deed for us is as American as apple pie, baseball, and fifty cent wing night at the local gentleman's lounge! Besides, Tony, if we're gonna start prosecuting war criminals, didn't you build a robot that blew up an entire country almost?"

The audience 'oooooooooohs' at this deft callout.

The star-spangled man with the plan returns to being way too close to Tony Stark, like an iceberg cuddling up to the Titanic, holding up his novelty shield with one hand and making a 'come get some' gesture with the other. "I'm siding with him, alright. And I'm siding with America!"

COMBATSYS: Rufus has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/-------|

"Oh that is sexy. I like a man that thinks about things so thoroughly." The cougar murmurs as she slips her arms around Kang's. She then almost gets lifted out of her seat when he goes to take a drink from his soda.

"Mmhmm." He isn't really listening to her anymore or the way she seems to be wanting to use him as a jungle gym at the moment. His attention is fully on what is unfolding. When they say magic is real this is exactly what they must have meant. This is beyond good acting. Beyond a good show. And the fight hasn't even started! What he could do if he had such amazing actors at his beck and call. Sure there is always Jonesy as well, but he wouldn't mind sharing screen time with such magnificient performers.*

His arms go wide which means dour dude gets a face full of half eaten turkey leg and the woman dangles from his other one. "Yeaaaaaaah! This....this is perhaps what I have been missing. The piece of the puzzle to finally settle in on what to do with my first film!"


High pitched laughter interrupts the melodrama and posturing of the two hunks of beef that dominate the stage. Eliot hopes that laughter works. He tries his best to imitate a certain silver haired vixen he had met recently. It seems fitting for Loki. Like him, that lady was something of a tricky beast.

From stage left, Eliot enters, though one would be hard pressed to recognize the young fighter. He looks a bit frumpy, in some dark, featureless clothing, and a bad mop of a brown wig on his head. Helmut Zemo.

"I know I couldn't kill you! I tried before!"

When did Zemo try to kill the Avengers before?

"But if I could get you to kill each other... Well... An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again."

Zemo wanders to center stage, with the bodacious behemoths. He turns, standing before them and facing the crowd. After all, it is time for his grand reveal!

"But one that crumples from within? That is dead! FOR. EV. ER!!!"

That final word echoes. For. Ev. Er. For. Ev. Er. For-

The lights go dark, and a prismatic spotlight of strobing colors casts a singular beam down on Zemo from above, painting him in sparkling rainbow colors. He turns to the side, his back arching delectably, his arms crossing at the wrist and sensually rising up over his head, as he lifts one knee in a pose that would fit right at home in a move like Flashdance. Then, he twirls about, as clothing seems to rip from his body to fly off the stage in either direction. The dark brown hair winds up somewhere in the front row.

As his spinning flourish comes to an end, Eliot-Loki faces the crowd, his feet planted at double shoulder width apart, with one fist balled up on his hip, and the other raised over his brow to flash a peace sign.


With that, he strikes another dramatic pose, as if he were rearing back one fist to punch, while extending the other arm out to one side, pointing a finger off into the distance, only to cross his arms in front of his barely covered chest while making Spider-Man fingers. From above, the golden horned helmet, clearly suspended on fishing lines, starts to descend over his head. Reaching up, Eliot plants it firmly on his blonde haired head, and spins to face the two men. This presents his back to the crowd, which... in those shorts...

"Now fight, Avengers! Kill each other! If you don't... Well, then... Longing... Rusted... Seventeen..."

COMBATSYS: Bob has joined the fight here.

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Rufus            0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0              Bob

Bob settles down as the spotlight falls from him and the curtain drops for a scene change. Zemo begins his monologue, and Bob takes the moment out of the spotlight to whisper to his co-star.

"Hey, that was no bad. I wasn't sure about the ad lib there, but the crowd seemed to love it." Bob flashes Rufus a thumbs up, still shaded by the dark stage. "I hope you're ready for the good part, eh?"

In between sets Bob has changed to his full "Sexy Iron Man" getup---a form fitting red and gold body suit that is, graciously, now possessing an actual bottom. He musses his hair to properly represent ~sexy battle damage~ since his helmet is off. The stage set is changed from "nondescript board room" to "generic fractured cityscape present in every Marvel movie" when the curtain rises and the lights go up again. "Sexy Iron Man" points a repulsor prop at "Sexy Captain America."

"It's over, Cap! I'm bringing you in!" Bob flips a switch on the glove, which shoots two nerf darts at his co-star. After they fly out, he chases after them. He dashes forward, sweeping an arm out to try and catch Rufus by the wrist. If he does, he yanks him forward to throw him off balance, then Bob throws a palm strike toward Rufus's chin. If he succeeds, Bob pulls him back like a yo-yo, transitioning into a leg sweep for the second hit.

COMBATSYS: Eliot has joined the fight here.

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Eliot            0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0              Bob
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Rufus blocks Bob's Quarter Deck.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Eliot            0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0              Bob
[  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/------=|

Rufus grins toothily and nods at his co-star. "Yeah buddy, we've got 'em on the edge of their seats! And don't worry - I'll take it easy on you. Though maybe you don't need me too since you understand the value of a big beautiful fighting form, hey hey?" He returns the thumbs up, returning his attention to Zemo's villainous monologue.

As the helmet descends from the sky onto Loki's head after the ~big twist reveal,~ Rufus has a number of thoughts. Wasn't Loki raven-haired? Wait, was Loki even in this movie? Wasn't he pretending to be dead or something? Is this skinny blonde guy just here to interfere in their fight? Wait a second... skinny blonde guy.

Rufus points at Loki, which the audience can interpret as "striking a heroic pose," but is really definitely a callout. "Don't think I don't see you there, Ken Masters," Rufus hisses during the set change. "You might have swapped your karate clothes for a fancy gold helmet and a striking green outfit with a daringly bared midriff but I'd know you anywhere!"

He returns his attention to Bob as the nerf darts come in, and he raises the shield, which suddenly seems inadequately small. "Tony, no! You're just playing into his plans!" The nerf darts bounce ineffectually off, and as Bob comes in with a palm strike, Rufus turns that away as well, his arm ringing from the force of the blow. They got an actual fighter to play Tony? Well, of course they did. If they didn't have a REAL fighter, Rufus would just pummel him into the dirt and that'd be that.

He points to Loki again, his dramatic movements causing his outfit to momentarily resemble a red-white-and-blue earthquake as things shimmy and shake about. "This... this TRICKSTER is just playing us against each other! He's trying to get us back for that time Thor totally showed him what's what! Well, now we're gonna show HIM what's what - Avengers style!"

Lowering himself behind his shield, Rufus attempts to shoulder tackle "Loki" with a mighty war cry: "Taste Justice, K--" He catches himself. "Loki!"

COMBATSYS: Eliot blocks Rufus' Dynasty Dash.

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Eliot            0/-------/------=|=------\-------\0              Bob
[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/-----==|

As Bob bum rushes Rufus, LokEliot throws back his head and cackles like a proper villain. Or... well, as proper a villain as shy old Eliot can muster to make himself. His voice does still sound a bit quakey. But wait. Did Rufus call him Ken Masters? Eliot's head snaps back down with a machinegun rapid blinking of his long, sooty lashes. He points one slender digit to the bared center of his chest, and asks, "Me?"

Back away, Eliot waves his hands in front of him, trying to ward off the name as if it were an accusation. His boyishly handsome features flush a deep shade of red, and he shakes his head and says, "No no. I... I'm nowhere near the level of Ken Masters! I'm just a student, still!"

But Cap seems to have himself (mostly) back in character again. That doesn't save Eliot from being the target of his ire!

"No! Don't fight me! It is Tony that is going to kill your precious Bucky! I'm just the guy who pulled back the curtain on all your secrets!"

As Captain Rufus charges him, Eliot falls back into a wide Kung Fu horse stance. His open palms rise, his elbows slightly bent, to "catch" and blunt the sheer massive weight that is barreling at him. Oh, it is a strain, but somehow, the lithsome boy seems to manage to do it.

In turn, he retaliates, sliding his rear leg into the forward position so that it interlaces between Rufus' own, while at the same time, he uses his forward shift to add speed and power to a punch intended to knock Rufus back.

Should he manage to do that, he'll hop forward with an upturned fist thrown into an uppercut at Rufus' stomach. A series of one-two-three swifter punches comes to follow, and finishes with Eliot raising up his forward leg and stomping it as he delivers a forceful final fist with the aim of knocking Cap away!

Wait, was Loki in the film? Bob definitely doesn't remember Loki in that one (for once). He supposes it's a creative liberty that works well, that is, until suddenly Rufus is off the script and chasing Loki in Act 2 instead of 3.

"Don't try to weasel out of this, Cap!" Bob Stark says, chasing after Captain Rufus. "You don't know what he did!" He chases after his opponent, leaping up and vaulting over a prop car. The roof caves in as Bob applies his weight to it, but he does make it over in one piece before landing in front of Sexy Captain America.

He strikes out once low, throwing a punch toward Rufus's stomach, then again high, aiming to catch him in the chin.

COMBATSYS: Rufus full-parries Eliot's Hoken!!

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Eliot            0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0              Bob
[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/---====|

COMBATSYS: Bob successfully hits Rufus with Aggressive Strike.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Eliot            0/-------/-------|==-----\-------\0              Bob
[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/=======|

Rufus leans forward into Eliot's attack, using his weight to his advantage, and begins monologuing in a low voice. "Oh, uh huh, sure, just a student. Look, I know the second best fighter in America when I see him. Couldn't take a hint when I dumped you in a trash can out back to get this role, could you? Just had to show up anyway? That's alright. I've got all day to show you what's what!" When he feels Eliot's leg start sliding between his, he immediately rolls to one side, deflecting the attempt to knock him off balance and in turn coming up next to a prop car. "That's enough of that, Loki!" he bellows. "No attempting to plant a kick in my Freedom Jewels, Loki, ya dig? These infinity stones are ALL AMERICAN!" Rufus grabs his crotch, to illustrate his own terrible point, and gyrates horrifyingly in Eliot's direction. The belt strains.

As such, when Bob comes vaulting over the car, he catches Rufus off guard with the ol' one-two - once to the gut, once to the chin. Rufus stumbles back a couple steps and breathes heavily, once, twice, then steadies himself. "I know what he did, Tony! And I know what you did! And, well, he only did what he did because of what HYDRA made him do! And maybe a little bit out of love! You'd have to ask him!"

No one was hired to play the part of Bucky Barnes. No one will be asking him.

Rufus reaches out his two meaty grips for Bob's shoulders, attempting to pull him in close. "First, Iron Man, I'm gonna deal with you! And then--" he looks around Bob and leers at Eliot. "--I'm gonna have a little one-on-one with Loki back there. Just me, him, and the American Way."

He rears back for a gigantic headbutt on the other burly brawler.

COMBATSYS: Bob just-defends Rufus' Head Bazooka EX!

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Eliot            0/-------/-------|==-----\-------\0              Bob
[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/=======|

Loki is not part of the script. Loki is an addition to the script made at the last minute because old aviator-glasses-Don backstage REALLY just wanted to see Eliot in this get up. So, what lines he has were just hastily scribbled chicken scrawl in red ink on the margins. Most of it was not even legible. Coupled with Rufus mad dogging him due to this case of mistaken identity, the already super shy Eliot is feeling truly, deeply nervous.

"Uh... hey... I uh... don't even come from America?"

He starts backing up, slowly, step by step when the two mighty heroes clash with punches and headbutts. Maybe he is out of his league. Maybe he should exit stage left, so that he doesn't embarrass himself further in front of all these people. This outfit is so very, very tight...

Then it hits him. Roll with it.

"I'm uhm... Asgardian, right? So like... From Asgard? Not Ameri..."

Screw it. The doe eyed blonde fighter halts his retreat, standing his ground. Those delicate features of his harden as he settles his resolve. He's not wearing a ridiculously oversexualized costume that was bought in the "college girls who think halloween is an excuse to dress slutty" aisle of the costume store. Loki is wearing it. Loki is strong, and fierce, and crafty. Eliot's Cupid's Bow lips curl up into a puckish grin.

"Asgardian! I come from the land of the ice and snow!"

Elioki burst forward, skin tight vinyl straining with creaky groans of protest as it stretches over smooth flesh and flexing muscle. His high-heeled latex thigh-high boots clack on the stage like the beat of old school speed techno. The svelte young fighter leaps into the air, pirouetting with the grace and poise of an Olympic figure skater, before unleashing a classic flying sidekick right at... IRON MAN!

"With the midnight sun, and where the hot springs flow!!!"

COMBATSYS: Bob endures Eliot's Toku Koto Tai.

[    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Eliot            0/-------/------=|=====--\-------\0              Bob
[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/=======|

Sexy Tony Stark's punches are a rapid and piston-like one-two that slip in through the wake of his deflection of Eliot and that...dangerous wardrobe risk. He slips back a half-step, leaning on his back foot while raising the front onto the heel.

"Was that one a bit much?" Bob whispers to Rufus, blocking view of his mouth with a raised arm by imitating his blocking stance. "Wait, are there kids here?"

But before Bob can speak further, Rufus slams forward with a dangerous headbutt. Sexy Tony Stark reacts with equal rapidity, bringing up both arms in a swift block that catches Rufus's head on his wrists.

But as Bob holds his guard, the chestplate of the armor creaks against the strain of Bob's bulky, well-muscled body. "Bolts" pop, clasps break. Suddenly, it pops off scandalously.

"Whoa!" Tony Stark exclaims, "I mean, uh," he shores up. "Looks like my armor can't take the heat…"

And then, Eliot is upon him, swinging in with a graceful side kick. Bob slides into it, taking the kick to his ribs with a mighty "Bleorgh."

"Loki!" Tony Stark exclaims, "I should known you were behind this, somehow!" Bob's arm folds down, trying to catch Eliot's extended leg. From there Bob tries to pull Eliot forward, striking with a knee to the stomach. If Eliot buckles, Bob elbows down onto Eliot's back. From there, he follows up with an arm twist, a spin around behind, and then a swift kick forward from behind.

COMBATSYS: Eliot just-defends Bob's Eye Opener!!

[  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Eliot            0/-------/------=|=====--\-------\0              Bob
[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/=======|

"YES!" Kang bellows as he pops out of his seat and surges forward. It leaves a relieved dour dude along with a huffy cougar when would be director fires out of the seat and sails about over the crowd.

For his size he moves rather well and he lands on a railing before leaping again to clear over audience members who scream in terror they might get flattened by the Korean as he gets himself closer to the action. Soon he lands on the railing and has his arms raised. He lost the food and drink somewhere along the way much to the dismay of those that ended up with half eaten food and spilled soda in their laps. "Yes! The action! The passion of delivery! This is what theater has truly been missing all these years!" No.....not it hasn't.

"Fight! Fight like there is no tomorrow! Show them all what stars you all really are!" His excitement gets the better of him. The shirt he was wearing rips away like he was the incredible bulk. Don't ask why there is a blue line painted down his rotund tummy either. He honestly doesn't have an answer. Then there is a pause. "Do any of you want to do movies!?"

For just a moment, Rufus reels from the impact of his head on Bob's sturdy wristplates. Headbutts are always risky, but he probably should've known better than to headbutt someone in armor. Captain America stumbles back a step or two, shaking his head to clear it. "Sheesh, Tony, you've got me seeing stars... AND stripes!" He pauses to allow the audience a chance to appreciate his brand of humor.

"I think this is an 18-and-over performance," Rufus says from behind his raised shield to Bob, "but you never know with these Australians, yeah? They got some raunchy stuff on TV, you should've seen what was on in the hotel I was staying at last night--"

Rufus' eyes bug out when Eliot-Loki launches into a flurry of attacks and he scrambles a step or two backwards from Loki, who's more valkyrie than trickster god right now. Ken sure did have the moves - even if he was looking scrawnier than usual these days! Rufus barely manages to get to the side of the attack, and did his very best to look like he was lining up a shield throw. "Ice and snow? So, uh, Maine? I didn't know they had hot springs in Maine, though..."

Rufus takes a deep breath or two, focusing himself, and then he hears Kang yelling. He hears the offer to do movies, and very pointedly makes a "call me" motion with his thumb and forefinger towards the equally gigantic Korean man. Kang's enthusiasm is infectious, and Rufus quickly gets back in character.

"Isn't it a little hot here in this ruined city?" He notices Bob's outfit has spontaneously reduced its size - ain't technology grand? - and Eliot's was skimpy enough that any further reduction might be too scandalous for Sydney, leaving only him fully dressed. "I could probably concentrate better on whether to punch my best friend who wants to arrest my other best friend, or my pal from work's adopted brother who's also an evil space wizard, if I let the breeze--" exaggerated fanning motion "--flow over my supple, marvelous, Adonis-himself-wept-from-shame body!"

And with a mighty grunt, Rufus pulls both arms out of the jumpsuit, and the top half finally does what it's been straining to do for the last hour and flops uselessly to his side. His gut, sensing freedom, rolls out and over the flimsy belt, leaving Rufus wearing, essentially, a pair of gloves, a pair of boots, and two useless strips of cloth.

Oh: and a shield.

COMBATSYS: Rufus focuses on his next action.

[  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Eliot            0/-------/------=|=====--\-------\0              Bob
[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/=======|

"O-Oh!" Eliot exclaims, as BobTony practically rushes right in to his kick. Eliot's almost feline eyes widen to saucers, and when he lands, the boy fighter has barely managed to slide his leg out from the threat of Bob's grasp, and deftly smacks away the knee that rises to try and pummel his smooth, flat stomach. "Mister Stark, you seem to be suffering critical damage to your armor!!"

The jiggling flesh is almost hypnotic, but that won't stop Eliot from keeping an eye out on Rufus. He seems like he has some sort of vendetta, and that really kind of scares the youthful warrior. "Maine? I've never even been there!"

From behind, Eliot hears the offer about being in movies. Seriously? Someone was so impressed by this that they wanted to put them all in a movie? His heart jumps up into his throat, and he twists around with a hand on one hip, and the other flashing a thumbs up. Fans of Cammy White have come to know that pose well over the years. For Eliot-Loki it is accompanied with a bashful smile and rose tinted cheeks, but lasts for only long enough for a photo opportunity, as he's in the middle of an all out threeway man-match, and can't afford to lose sight of either of his swole partners.

When he does, Rufus has all but stripped naked. The color floods Eliot's face even more, and he covers his mouth with both hands. "Uh, guys? I... I think we're having a lot of wardrobe malfunctions right now..."

He lunges forward at Rufus with a fist leading the way, dashing in close to the nearly nude captain. At the last moment, he hops forward and delivers a one-inch style punch that, should it connect, will send shockwaves through the man's prodigous belly, leaving it looking like someone dropped a stone into a pond while knocking the fighter away from him.

But, in exerting so much force, the skin tight black vinyl strips that cross over Eliot's chest snap under the strain of trying to stretch themselves over the young boy's flexing muscles. Finally, they give up the good fight, snapping into a series of flowing black ribbons that dangle from the back of his shoulder armor pieces like some sort of ribbon cape. Thankfully, Don-the-Producer had enough foresight to anticipate this for poor Eliot, and saw fit to protect the young man's modesty with the application of green, heart shaped pasties!

BobTony suppresses a grimace and nods once to Rufus before breaking away again. After Eliot intercepts his attack and moves to Rufus, Bob takes the momentary break to throw a thumbs-up and wink to Kang in the audience--and in doing so makes the woman in the seat in front of Kang faint.

"Uh, whoops," Bob mutters, shifting his attention back to the fight.

Rufus America seems to have jumped the script, Bob considers, so how do we reel this in? Isn't he supposed to fight him? Eliot seems pretty competent himself, but he won't hold up under pressure from him and Rufus. Bob considers for a lingering second, then gets an idea.

"Well then," Bob says, clenching his teeth for a moment as Eliot's wardrobe malfunctions as well. "--Armor or not, I guess I've got not choice to bring you -both- in until we sort this out! Let's go!"

And with that, Bob leaps into the sky, turning a mid-air somersault that transitions into a diving kick toward Eliot. He soars downward like the world's largest bullet and threatens to crash into him--or put a big dent into the stage.

But even as he lands, Bob pivots on his heel, whipping around to sweep out and try and grab Rufus by the arm. If he does, he pulls the giant, jiggling man in close to slam into him with a crash of belly vs belly.

It probably looks a bit like two jello molds in a car accident.

COMBATSYS: Bob blitzes into action and acts again!

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Eliot            0/-------/------=|=====--\-------\0              Bob
[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/=======|

COMBATSYS: Rufus blocks Eliot's Yakuho Hoken.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Eliot            0/-------/-----==|====---\-------\0              Bob
[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            1/-------/=======|

COMBATSYS: Rufus fails to interrupt Sparkling Death from Bob with Premium Tackle.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Eliot            0/-------/-----==|=======\-------\1              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            1/-----==/=======|

The action is getting really fast and furious now. Rufus barely has time to remember that he has lines, or what those lines are. Probably he'll just end up making up more of them.

No time to think about it! ELokiot is coming in fast and furious and even less-dressed than before, and the big man has to think fast. Seeing that Eliot is going for his gut, he grins and brings the small novelty Captain America shield down to block; Eliot's finger jams agains the 'vibranium' 'shield'. "You'll have to try harder than that to get the best of me, Asgardian!" He seems to have given up on the idea of Eliot being Ken. Maybe he figures Ken would never wear pasties.

However, the force of the one-inch punch reverberates through the cheap plastic of the shield, which was never meant to actually absorb real blows. With a crackling sound, it splits into five pie-shaped wedges and falls off Rufus' wrist, the wrist strap fluttering to the ground.

As such, Rufus' arm is already out when Bob comes flying in, and it's exactly the leverage the big man needs. "C'mon, Tony, we used to be friends, didn't w--OWWW!" he yells, as Bob's pull nearly yanks his arm out of socket. Attempting to turn the situation around, Rufus attempts to turn the situation back to his favor by lowering it into a shoulder tackle, but it's no use. Bob's stomach makes contact, not with the belly-to-belly suplex he was expecting, but instead directly on Rufus' head. Rufus flails, momentarily stunned by his opponent's voluminous gut.

It's like watching a hippo try to headbutt another hippo. Where's David Attenborough when you need him?

COMBATSYS: Eliot blocks Bob's Diving Kick.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Eliot            0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            1/-----==/=======|


After his wardrobe malfunction, the winsome Eliot is left with a face that is as bright red as any one of Tony Stark's six hundred hot rods. He freezes for a moment, uncertain of what to do, and looking to the sidestage where his "manager" and the "producer" Don is waving him on, encouraging him.

"T-take me in?" Eliot says, his voice quivering and uncertain now. Still, as Bob dive kicks at him, Eliot expertly raises his hands, catching the foot in his palms. God, that hurt. That man has a lot of speed and weight behind his kicks, that's for sure! "Y-you couldn't do it before without that nincompoop who claims to be my brother! How do you expect to manage it now?"

The massive behemoths collide in a Clash of the Titans, and Eliot is left awestruck by the thunder created when meat crashes against meat. The jiggling is hypnotic. Like smacking an old fashioned water bed, while Rufus is like a rampaging rhino.

Not one to miss an opportunity, and besides, he's supposed to be the god of chaos or something, right? So Eliot uses the distraction to try to close in on Bob Stark there. Eliot leans in low, delivering a swift, but powerful punch at Bob's rotund belly. Swiftly, he follows up with a backhand, and then turns, spinning around and delivering a chest level straight punch. Another, for the one two combination, and then whipping around the other fist with a punch to the face. Finally, he ducks down, and sweeps his fist around in a hook punch aimed right for Bob's knee, hoping to knock the leg right out from under him to send him to the floor.

COMBATSYS: Bob interrupts Konpo Hoken from Eliot with Giga Jacker.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Eliot            1/-------/=======|=======\===----\1              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            1/-----==/=======|

Bob Stark watches as Rufus's shield meets Eliot's fist, the cheap plastic prop only briefly soaking the blow before shattering into pieces. The drama dial gets turned up.

"Cap, your shield!" Bob says. "It must be the power of Loki's--" Bob turns to the audience knowingly. "--Infinity Stones?" He can't even say it with a straight face, but fortunately, Rufus covers that with more action.

The headbutt collides with Bob's belly, which ripples with the impact. Bob Stark lets out a deep whoof as he steps back from Rufus, but even as the distance is widened between the two titans, Eliot is capitalizing on the chaos.

Bob braces himself, lunging forward as Eliot impacts his belly with the punch. It ripples, but Bob keeps advancing. The chest punch impacts him with a heavy, meaty thump, but he still keeps coming. By the time the hook punch comes, Bob is already too far forward, bodyslamming into Eliot like a bulldozer.

"You must be right, Tony!" Rufus replies dramatically. "His Infinity Stones are too powerful! Only the power of the cosmos itself could stand against both of us, between your technology and my super-scientifically perfect body!" He wiggles threateningly.

"Luckily, I've got a new trick up my sleeve!" Captain Rufus lowers his shoulder like a linebacker, charging towards Eliot-Loki but coming up early on one knee, in what passes for a squatting pose. His tight pants groan at the effort of keeping Rufus decent.

"Or should I say - up both of them!" First two quick rights with the back of his fist, then two quick lefts, right towards Loki's 'Infinity Stones'. Should they connect, Rufus takes the initiative and flips up and over Loki, clapping him hard on both sides of his helmet!

COMBATSYS: Eliot blocks Rufus' Spectacle Romance.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Eliot            1/-----==/=======|=======\===----\1              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/----===|

Alright! This is it! Eliot is doing well, and surely Bob is going to be feelin--!!

He's suddenly bowled over as Bob crashes into him. His head turns, as Bob's stomach comes rushing out him, and all Eliot can think in that moment is "That's not a moon!" before his face sinks into giving flesh, and meets the solid muscle packed underneath. He is almost consumed, completely enveloped, before he's bounced away and sent flying across the stage. He hits the ground, skips and rolls and twists into a cartwheel back onto his feet.

Still out of control and off balance, Eliot backpedals as Rufus is charging in. His eyes wide, the young Kung Fu fighter in nipple pasties can only do his best to swat and smack at the fists that fly at him, making sure that his precious Infinity Stones are protected thoroughly, because judging from the way they're crammed in those too-tight vinyl daisy dukes, they're already under a lot of strain as is!

And there's the edge of the stage.

Elioki's heeled thigh-high boots don't do well to let him catch his balance as he teeters on the ledge. His arms whirl about, his sinuous back arching. He lashes out, trying to grasp at Rufus, but the nearly nude man is too slippery. He falls backward, toppling into the first row, end over end, and winds up falling into a seat occupied by a sharp dressed lady. Unfortunately, he's upside down, so his long, slender legs are sprawled out around either side of her head, with her face buried somewhere between them. It looks like someone ordered the lady a strip-o-gram for her birthday party.

This does nothing for poor Eliot's feeling of absolute mortification. His legs kick wildly as he tries to wriggle out and off of the lady, but this only makes it seem like he's hip thrusting in her face.

"I.. I'm so very s-sorry!!!"

With determination, the young boy finally flips backwards, until his feet hit the floor, leaving him in a graceful backbend pose. He springs upright, and immediately leaps up and over the crowd. There, he actually lands on the exuberant Kang's stomach, and uses it as a springboard to propel him back through the air over the stage. He turns, gracefully spinning while airborne, and coming out with a sidekick that thrusts him towards the earth, and his intended target of Bob.

"Uhmmm... E-Enough! You are... All of you are b-beneath me! I am a God, you dull cretins!!!"

Or something like that.

COMBATSYS: Bob interrupts Diving Kick from Eliot with Spiral Rocky.

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Eliot            2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|===----\-------\0              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/----===|

"That's right!" Bob echoes. Reaching out to give Rufus a fist bump. But then Rufus leads the charge, launching a full-scale assault, the likes of which puts Eliot in the lap of some of poor (...fortunate?) spectator. By the time he's leaping back on stage, Bob Stark is ready for him. He steels his resolve, bending his knees with a great creak of his metal (?) suit.

"Well, maybe beneath you is exactly where we want to be!" Wow, that sounded even worse out loud, Bob thinks to himself.

"Speeeed and--" No, that's not the line. "Superior tech!"

The last part sounds like more of a question as Bob launches up into a spinning uppercut with a flash of pyrotechnics, smashing through Eliot as he goes toward the sky. It's like a Supersized Shoryuken, minus the flames, as Bob Stark goes airborne with a devastating uppercut.

But as he starts to descend, Bob passes back a safety hook that was supposed to be used with a zipline. It catches his belt, tugging with a strain but holding him--after which Bob proceeds to fly around the stage.

"H-hey, wait," he stutters, but for the audience, it probably seems to be part of the show.

Having been ejected safely out of harm's way by Bob's mighty gut, Rufus pauses momentarily to catch his breath and watch as first Eliot goes sailing out into the audience and back, and then Bob goes sailing around on a zipline.

"Tony!" Rufus shouts. "Has Loki's foul magic affected yer technology? Let me, the greatest martial artist - er, super soldier - in the United States of America, definitely better than any kind of red-gi-sporting karate punk, help you, for we are--"

He leaps into the air, attempting to grab Bob around the waist and toss him to the ground, like two water balloons colliding midflight.


COMBATSYS: Bob just-defends Rufus' Power Throw!

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Eliot            2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|===----\-------\0              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            1/-------/=======|

Eliot is crashed into with that flying uppercut from "Tony". Two attacks in a row, that man has intercepted and cut short with his own. For the first time in his lifetime of fighting, Eliot is actually feeling... anger. Is Bob trying to make fun of him? Is he looking down on Eliot for his youth and being new to these sort of fights? As he's hurtling back to the earth, Eliot's teeth are clenched so tight that they are ready to break against one another.

He lands on his back, hard, with a bounce, but he rolls onto his shoulder and then lifts himself with one arm in some graceful display of acrobatic skill. Walking over onto his feet, the barely-clothed blonde reaches up and pulls that horned mantle from his head, throwing it down and behind him where it scatters off the stage.


He glares with those azure eyes at the dangling Bob, and points at Rufus.


He watches as Rufus attempts to wrest the other corpulent fighter from the hook that has him hanging suspended, but seemingly to no avail. Bob's defenses just seem to be far too strong! But that seething anger is boiling inside, and Eliot leaps up into the air, soaring at Bob with a flying upwards angled sidekick.

Should that kick land solidly in the side of the "flying" Iron Man, Eliot immediately follows with a snapping front kick, hoping to lift him off of the hook. He follows through with a rising palm strike, only to come back down with a hammering overhead fist to try to send Mr. Speed and Weight back to the ground at forces exceeding terminal velocity. He lands on one knee, in a classic superhero landing, with his back to the audience, giving them more than an eyeful of that pert, heart shaped derriere, all snuggly encased in glossy black vinyl.

He pushes off, rushing at Bob, and ducks down low, rearing back one fist so far that his body twists with a wind up. He lurches forward as he throws that first haymaker. Then, his left arm draws back as his right fist raises overhead to play defense. His palm is thrust at Bob's stomach, and the same hand immediately pulls in and snaps out for a face-aiming backfist. Finally, he draws back both hands, rearing back and lifting one leg up. Lunging forward, Eliot thrusts both hands out as he stomps down, focusing all of his might through his dan t'ian to create explosive force in the moment of his strike. Perhaps Bob's luck will have run out, and he'll be sent hurtling into his "devoted coworker" and "begrudging friend".

COMBATSYS: Bob blocks Eliot's Hoheki Soyoku Mokinsho.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Eliot            0/-------/---<<<<|=====--\-------\0              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            1/-------/=======|

Bob Stark continues to "fly" around the stage on the line. When Rufus jumps up and grabs hold, he winds up swinging around wildly as well. Rather than tossing Bob to the ground, the two of them soar through the air like two very fat ice skaters doing some kind of mid-air couples routine.

"Something must be wrong with the flight system!" Bob suggests, continuing to soar around. It is then that Eliot intervenes, meddling as only Loki can.

Bob spins around on the hook as Eliot comes in with the side kick. He catches it with a sturdy forearm block, leaning in close. "Oh, nice kick," he says genuinely. "Sorry about the uppercut a second ago. Got lost in the action there. You're really good at this--whoa!" Bob forearm blocks the palm with the other hand, then crossguards against the downward strike. It rips off his belt and sends him hurtling down toward the ground, Eliot in pursuit.

Bob palms the haymaker upward, the blow still rattling his guard. "Man, such skill. This is real kung fu! It's hard to keep up!" The palm thrust meets Bob's tense stomach, which softens the blow only a little. The final blow gives him an extra burst of velocity--and unfortunately, now Rufus may be taking a flight with Bob toward the back of the set!

COMBATSYS: Rufus full-parries Bob's Power Throw!!

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Eliot            0/-------/---<<<<|=====--\-------\0              Bob
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            1/----===/=======|

Rufus is, in fact, taking a flight with Bob to the back of the set - but he's fully prepared for the impact as the two of them hurtle towards a building, and flips around again so he's using Bob as a shield to soften the blow. BAM! "Sorry about that!" he yells.

However, as the two nearly-naked sweaty titans of martial arts vanish backstage, things take a turn - the flight cable, never meant to hold TWO people of this size, jolts suddenly and tilts downward. Bob and Rufus find themselves on a furiously fast velocity back towards the front of the stage, crashing through a different part of the same cardboard building, causing it to wobble on its wooden 'foundations.'

More than anything, however, this has gotten precarious: Rufus hangs from a single foot, hooked into part of Bob's costume. "And, uh, sorry about this. You might be about to give the ladies more of a show than you're planning, pal." Winding up like a kitchen blender, Rufus begins to pivot, upside down, spinning in place, fists flying wildly.

Now, whether you want to believe that the Rufus-tornado creates a pull on Eliot, or just that the combination of Rufus and Eliot has its own gravitational pull, the fact remains that an inexorable pull is being created to pull Loki into the nexus of Iron Man and Captain America and deliver him a whoopin' --

-- as all three men go flying up, out, and into the audience.

COMBATSYS: Rufus successfully hits Eliot with Big Bang Typhoon EX.

[                          \\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Eliot            1/------</<<<<<<<|=====--\-------\0              Bob
[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Rufus            0/-------/-----==|

"Shut up!" Eliot blurts out at Bob when he compliments his skill while seemingly effortlessly deflecting every single attack. Does anything at all land on this guy? It doesn't seem like either him or Captain America can make any sort of solid connection on him. But, it doesn't matter. As the pair of men start spinning due to Captain Rufus' attack, Eliot is pulled forward.

He leans back, the tattered ends of his "cape" fluttering wildly about his slender form as he tries desperately to brace himself against the vortex of fists and fury. But, his footing slips and he's helplessly pulled in and batted around like a rag doll, defenseless against the brutal assault.

As the trio go flying into the audience, Loki is flung to the side, and lands limply over the back of a seat, his back whipping over the edge of it in a manner that looks like it'd be horribly painful, if he were conscious to feel it. Perhaps it is a good thing, though, as that same loss of consciousness means that his body is limp, and he doesn't tense up at the anticipation of impact, so his spine avoids serious injury.

COMBATSYS: Eliot takes no action.

[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Rufus            0/-------/-----==|=====--\-------\0              Bob

COMBATSYS: Eliot can no longer fight.

[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Rufus            0/-------/-----==|=====--\-------\0              Bob

What follows is a terrible catastrophe of a clash. It's like two wrecking balls made of jello, swinging around on the same line and crashing into each other.

"Wait, what?" Bob says, eyes widening at Rufus's suggestion.

And then there's a tornado-y blender. Bob slams Eliot between himself and Rufus on pure accident, the two planetary bodies of men crashing into each other in what might register at the local seismography station.

Bob's tumble into the audience is a little more deft, if only by virtue of him not getting tossed around in the Galactic Tornado. He hits the ground in a roll, tumbling through the crowd like that scene from Indiana Jones as people clear the way. When he comes to a stop, he rises confidently, hands on his hips.

And it's at this point that he loses his pants.

"Uh," Bob slowly reddens, grabbing a popcorn bucket to cover himself. He darts to a nearby stand, pulling the red "Iron Man" themed tarp off of it. A moment later, Bob Stark emerges in what looks like a sumo loincloth, albeit red and made from a piece of tarp. Or the whole tarp. It is Bob.

"Wait, something's missing..."

Bob digs around, pulling the old glowing LED of the "arc reactor" from his costume. He slaps it onto his chest with the adhesive.


COMBATSYS: Bob gains composure.

[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Rufus            0/-------/-----==|====---\-------\0              Bob

The events unfold and an excited Kang just watches entirely enamoured by what is going on. Three great actors and fighters going at it and to much sadness one falls.

He had tries to brace himself for it, but seeing 'Loki' be defeated brought a tear to the big Korean's eye. He'll remember you, Loki. Always!

At the same time Cap and Iron Bob are still standing and it is hard to tell who may come out on top. "Go Cap! No! Go Iron Man! Ahh! I can't decide!" It is almost too much for his heart to take. Can't both win? Is that not allowed? Life is so unfair sometimes.

After dislodging Eliot from the whirling folds of the Big Bang Typhoon, Rufus finds his ride coming to an end, and manages to right himself so that he lands on this feet again - right in the empty trio of seats that Kang had taken up earlier. Unfortunately, the force of his landing dislodges the tights of his costume by splitting them up the sides, leaving Captain America in a pair of red boots and his last line of defense: a star-spangled banana hammock.

"Now," said Rufus, leaping into the air, "where were we? At this point, we obviously ought to fight it out to see who's the best among us, which'll dictate where we stand on that whole government oversight thing!"

Ah, there he is. It's hard to miss Bob in his Iron Sumo outfit. "Let's give the people what they want, Tony Stark!" And with that Rufus comes flying down out of the air, leg outstretched, hurtling towards Iron Man so they can begin the finale of their little show.

COMBATSYS: Bob blocks Rufus' Diving Kick.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Rufus            0/-------/----===|=====--\-------\0              Bob

Bob Stark, the invincible...Sumo...Man (?) is waiting by the time Rufus makes his through the crowd to begin the finale. Sliding one foot back and readying his stance again, Bob braces himself against the onslaught. Rufus descends with his flying kick, and Bob catches it against his palm, bracing his guard with his over forearm. Even so, the Iron Bob slides across the ground, his foots (still there) skidding in his wake.

But as he comes to a stop, Bob charges forward once more, barreling down on Rufus (as if he were an actual barrel).

"Alright, Steve Rogers, let's settle this uncivil war once and for all!"

Bob slams down both feet, then throws out a double-handed palm strike aimed at keg of a stomach (it is certainly not a six pack).

COMBATSYS: Rufus fails to interrupt Granchi Cannon from Bob with Galactic Tornado.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Rufus            0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\0              Bob

When Bob comes in with the double-handed palm strike, Rufus figures, aha, I gotcha - you go low, I'll go high. Readying a miniature version of the move that took out Loki once and for all, Captain America gets ready to launch a whirling tornado of punches -- and overshoots.

His fists go flying right over Bob's head. Bob is drawn in a little bit, sure, but Rufus is not used to fighting fighters this big - most other fighters pride themselves on being svelte low-size-wearing stick people, but Bob understands the virtue of speed and weight. And so Bob's palm strike doesn't just hit Rufus in the gut, it hits him in the gut *repeatedly*, and the wind gets knocked completely out of Rufus.

"Whoof," is just about all he can get out.

Bob's double palm strike sinks into Rufus's midsection as the Stoutest Stark ducks in low beneath the whirling punches. Bob is a tall, tall guy--6'5, to be exact--but the Granchi Cannon manuever requires leverage, and a low center of gravity. This goes in Bob's favor here, and even as Rufus falls back Bob doesn't let up the pressure.

Instead he digs in his heel and pivots on it, spinning out of the palm strike into a swinging backfist. He quickly flips a switch on his gauntlet as he does, igniting the (slightly damaged) LED into a blue glow as he does.

Repulsor...SMASH!" Bob improvises. That sounds like Iron Man, right?

COMBATSYS: Rufus blocks Bob's Fierce Punch.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Rufus            0/-------/=======|=======\-------\0              Bob

Time seems to slow down as Bob draws back his fist, the Repulsor's blue glow seeming to fill Rufus' vision. Time to think fast, Rufus ol' boy. Bracing his back foot, he steps on something and glances down. Interesting... did they break that when they landed? Must have. He reaches down swiftly and comes up holding...

... a theatre seat that has broken off from the back of the chair it was formerly attached to. Holding it like a shield, Rufus moves to put it between himself and Bob's fist, but still takes a solid whack to the face when the Iron Man fist busts straight through the chair. It smarts pretty badly, but Rufus manages to turn the momentum into a backflip up and over, where he balances impractically on top of a seat back. The audience moves away with a clamor.

"Not bad, Tony, but you're not the only one with science on your side!" He brandishes the two pieces of the seat like a pair of clubs, then comes a-flyin'. "Patrioooooooot Press!" That's ... probably a thing Captain America does, right? He falls towards Bob like a meteor made of ham.

COMBATSYS: Bob interrupts Large Random Weapon from Rufus with Spinach Upper.

[                         \\\\\  < >  ////////////////              ]
Rufus            1/-----==/=======|=======\=------\1              Bob

Bob's ear-rattling backfist smashes through the back of the chair in a shower of plastic, but Rufus is on the escape as Bob's fist slows down to smash through it. The audience keeps moving around from the two tubby titans as the fight continues, but one can easily tell many of them don't want to get TOO far away lest they miss the best of the action.

"Not bad yourself, but I've yet to show you my superior tech!" Bob Stark's feet slide far apart as he lowers his center of gravity, putting the weight on his knees. Considering his wardrobe at the moment, this is a little dangerous, but Bob seems set on making this into a good fight by this point.

"Here it comes!" Bob interjects, everything seeming slowed as Rufus lunged overhead with the power of the totally MCU canonical Patriot Press.

"Iron Upper!" Bob launches upward, pivoting into a rising spin that spirals right into a powerful uppercut that slips right between the two clubs to catch Rufus on the chin and carry the two of them in a way that would make Ken Masters proud.

Or disgusted. Either or.

At last, this travesty comes to a close.

The sound of Bob's uppercut connecting with Rufus' chin is the only thing that makes a noise for what seems like an eternity, but is probably closer to 10 seconds at best. Rufus makes a graceful arc, pausing briefly at his apex, the force of Bob's fist causing his cheeks to flap like sails in the wind before all 408 lbs of Rufus comes crashing to the ground.

Captain America is sprawled on the ground momentarily, dazed and confused. Is this how it's supposed to go? ... Oh yeah, actually, it is. Standing up, he shakes his wrist, dislodging the last shard of the shield on the ground. He's technically supposed to leave the WHOLE shield, but this'll have to do. He nods gravely at Tony Stark and says, "We'll see where your genius ideas get you, Tony."

He then stage whispers as he walks away, "Nice fight, pal!" and slowly limps, wincing painfully, exeunting stage front. Who does that? Rufus does that.

COMBATSYS: Rufus takes no action.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Bob              1/------=/=======|

COMBATSYS: Rufus can no longer fight.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Bob              1/------=/=======|

Log created on 12:11:34 05/18/2018 by Rufus, and last modified on 13:17:52 05/23/2018.