SNF 2017.06 - SNF: Fallout N-Gage-Us: A "Rad" Battle!?

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Description: In promotion of Violet Systems' new V-Gage and the (latest) remake of Fallout New Vegas, the company hosts a fight between the portly fighter Robert "Bob" Richards and the dashing brawler, Miguel Caballero Rojo! Who will conquer the wastes? More importantly, did they ever fix that lag issue?

The Vegas Strip was filled with crowds all year round. This time, the crowd was odder. In front of the Stratosphere Tower, a large crowd of fans dressed in cosplay grouped. The event, was the demonstration of Fallout: New Vegas on the V-Gage.

The swarms of NCR troopers and rangers mingled with Legion. Caesar seemed to be acting as dealer for a card match between a Vulpes crossplayer and a Raul player. The event was thankfully shaded by a massive tarp V-Gage in giant purple letters. One of the cosplayers mentioned it made patrolling the Mojave more favorable than a nuclear winter.

In a far corner, the cross-over cosplayers grouped up. No one wanted to talk to the several dozen Cassidy Spangles. Most of the fans there told them to go back with their paid mods.

Under the shade of a Securitron vending machine, Miguel waited. He was in Vegas due to a communication from a possible ally who wanted to meet him that evening. He was in this little event so Obsidian would get to pay for the plane ticket. Taking a sip from a Sunset Sarsaparilla, Miguel fixed up his raider gear. The spikes and tires were a real pain in the Mojave heat.

Among the crowd of fans is one especially large blond man dressed in a blue Vault Dweller jumpsuit. While his largeness is somewhat diminished by the size of some of the other fans, this fellow has a certain je-ne-sais-quoi others lack. Perhaps it's his curly golden locks or his rugged five o'clock shadow, but whatever the case he possesses a certain charmed lacked by many of his nearby contemporaries. He makes his way through the crowd, bumping and apologizing as he goes.

"Hey, excuse me," the man says as he collides with another weighty fellow with a greasy ponytail. "I need to get through."

"Well the line starts back there," replies the second man in a slightly nasally wheeze. After all, it's quite hot on the Vegas strip. "I've been camping out here since last night."

The blond man coughs. "No offense, but I can kind of tell. I really need to get through though. I've got a match up there." Ponytail narrows his eyes.

"You're joking, right? You? Against that guy? He's like Antonio Banderas mixed with Samson, dude. That's funny."

"I'm serious," Bob says, waving a hand. "I'm Robert Richards -- Bob -- you haven't heard of me?"

"Whatever dude, if you're going to be a dick." Bob finally slips by, nudging another fan out of the way with his belly and making his way over toward the tent where Miguel is set up. He adjusts his Vault 10 jumpsuit. "Sorry that took a while. Quite a crowd here today." Bob scratches his beard. "Hope you're ready for a good fight despite the heat out here. Phew."

Miguel heard over the loud speaker, it was time for the demonstration. Miguel walked out into the stage in the center of the crowd. He was clad like a fiend raider, wearing old tires and ratty clothes. He gazed out and grabbed the mic.

"Ave nerds, I here Lee Chaolan has a brand new way to take your money aye? I'm here to see how much money you'll waste if you buy it. Now, where is this lightweight Bob? I'm ready to break him like a pool cue."

Turning sideways to fit through a pedestrian barricade, Bob continues to advance toward the stage. This attracts a combination of whispered conversation, jeers, and a few confused noises with emotions ranging from "interested ooh" to "befuddled grunt". There's at least one wolf whistle mixed in, oddly enough. Bob gives a simple, sweeping wave over his shoulder to the crowd and continues forward, hopping up the stage steps with a spring in his step, even if said spring causes the steps to creak a little.

"Oooh," Bob says when Miguel makes his announcement. "So you're that burly brawler everyone's been talking about. Miguel, right? I'm Bob." Bob raises his fists up in front of him, sliding a foot back behind and letting his front foot rest on the heel in what seems like a very strange stance for a man his size. Is this guy really /that/ much of an amateur? "I gotta say I'm looking forward to this fight, so you'll forgive me if I don't break so easily, eh?"

Bob reaches over to his Collector's Edition Pip-Boy V-Gage (TM) and taps a few buttons to make sure everything is working, then slides on the matching V-Gage goggles (patent pending). With that done, Bob smacks his fist into his palm, psyching himself up.

And then Bob kicks into action, moving across the stage at deceptive speed! He punches forward with his right, then chases that punch with a left. Riding the momentum from the second punch, Bob spins on his heels, swinging both fists around in a mighty axehandle.

COMBATSYS: Bob has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Bob              0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Miguel has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Miguel           0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0              Bob

COMBATSYS: Miguel blocks Bob's Fast Break.

[  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Miguel           0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0              Bob

Miguel looked at the man in the blue vault suit. He had the name, he had the get up, he even had the V-Gage and fighting moves. But there was a very big difference between what Miguel was predicting, and what he saw. Miguel put on his V-Gage as the man started coming in closer.

After blocking the blubbery blow with his big biceps. He saw a wondrous world, of Las Vegas surrounded by rubble and crumbling. The crowds of cosplayers were replaced by nameless NPCs. Miguel's hands looked weird and rendered. After looking at Bob, Miguel shouted out what he thought.

"Wow, these graphics are impressive. They've somehow managed to make you look even worse. I tip my hat to surpassing THAT technical barrier. They even rendered your awful beard!"

Ducking in low to sneak, Miguel circled Bob in an attempt to kite him as he gave him an upper hoping for a sneak attack crit.

COMBATSYS: Bob blocks Miguel's Manotazo.

[  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Miguel           0/-------/------=|==-----\-------\0              Bob

As the VR fully kicks in, Bob seems to adapt quickly enough. "Wow, is this what video games are like these days? Big change since I was a kid." His meaty fists pound against Miguel's block, but fail to break through it. Even so, Bob's on the move when Miguel counters with a sneaky uppercut in return. He swings an arm around, catching the fist with a forearm block. The impact of the block still makes for a heavy 'thump'.

"Maybe I could use a shave," Bob comments, rubbing his beard again as he backsteps away from Miguel. "But the ladies seem to like the rugged long as it doesn't get too scruffy." He rocks on his heels, eyeing the scenery.

"But speaking of scruffy, this place has seen its better days, huh? Post-apocalyptic wasteland, all in high-fidelity. It's kind of depressing." But even as he talks, Bob dashes in again--or rather, falls forward into a low roll. Did they add a tumble skill in the latest remake?! He spins in, coming out of the roll at a low angle and swinging up with a strong left-handed karate chop toward Miguel's side.

COMBATSYS: Miguel blocks Bob's Medium Punch.

[    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////////  ]
Miguel           0/-------/-----==|==-----\-------\0              Bob

Miguel stood in the ruined, but still living Vegas. When Bob started rolling at him, he thought he couldn't stop him. Miguel braced himself for the wreaking ball of Bob. But the chop that comes out is a minimal annoyance. Turning to face his foe again, the raider responds to the philosophical question in turn.

"Meh, could be worse. You could be having to look at your face right now, that would get you really depressed."

Miguel then followed his sharp words with a sharp kick to Bob's many chins.

COMBATSYS: Bob interrupts Strong Kick from Miguel with Giga Jacker.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Miguel           0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0              Bob

Bob's chop impacts heavily against Miguel's block, but the big man doesn't keep still for long. Rolling backward, he's soon springing to his feet and landing back in a defensive stance. "Not bad," Bob says as he raises his guard once more. "But my real question is, does the sass come naturally, or do you have to practice it? I'm hoping it's not practiced because I still haven't heard a fat joke. Then again, maybe you're not going for the low-hanging fruit, eh?"

And as Miguel comes in with a strong kick, Bob accidentally taps his wrist, bringing up his VATS HUD. "Oooh," Bob says, "well isn't that slick?" Whether he trusts the numbers or not, the blond fighter seems to goof. Miguel's boot connects heavily with his stomach, sinking in slightly due to Bob's girth before it hits a layer of dense, dense muscle.

But Bob's gritted teeth suddenly change to a strained smile as it becomes clear everything is working as planned! The larger man throws himself forward suddenly leveraging his dangerous weight to bodyslam back into Miguel even as the boot connects, with Bob apparently trying to stagger Miguel backward with counter force! Even so, the weighty man can't help but rub his sore stomach afterward.

When Miguel's kick is followed by a belly slam, he ends up staggered. Bringing himself back to a stand, the raider dusted himself off, a bit angery.

"You want fat joke eh? I guess you can have an all you can eat buffet, and you can't eat this one out of business, cause this one won't run out of roasts" Miguel walked back towards Bob as he spoke. "Your so fat, when they dropped as a baby, it started the Great War. Your so fat, you would cause a cannibal tribe to die from the cholesterol. Your so fat, you can't even see this."

In front of Bob now, Miguel was sending a quick kid to Bob's shins that he would follow by giving him a headbutt right on his flabby blond head.

COMBATSYS: Miguel successfully hits Bob with Bajeza Con Cabeza.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Miguel           0/-------/=======|=======\-------\1              Bob

When Miguel gets up angry, Bob puts up his guard. "Didn't hit a sore spot there, did I?" But then, the flurry of insults! The horror! A rapid-fire set of fat jokes descend on Bob in a flurry. Bob is left vulnerable in the assault, but perhaps not in the way that Miguel expects.

No, Bob closes in, ready to take the blow head-on as a sacrifice to give himself a better position. Instead, he loses his composure mid-swing as he breaks out laughing. The boot strikes him heavily in the shin with a heavy and painful thump, knocking his footing out. Miguel's headbutt follow up, crashing into Bob's head with enough force to bowl him over and leave him seeing stars. His VATS readout even shows clear yellow indicators for the two areas--a convenient feature for the folks at home.

Bob climbs up rubbing his head. "Sorry, that was a good one," he staggers, one eye closed as he tries to shake off the dizziness. And the pain. "But I guess that means the kid gloves are off then." Bob well--bobs--back and forth on his heels, looking for an opening. He suddenly rushes in, rearing back with what looks like a strong right hook. "So is the BO part of the costume, or are you just not a fan of showers?" Bob quips--then suddenly shifts into a rapid left jab that he chains into a flurry of two more rapid-fire punches. He follows it up with the right hook from the beginning, finishing the combo with a sudden power-hit.

But even when it seems like he's done, Bob is on the move again with surprising speed! He reaches out, trying to catch Miguel's arm before he can fall back. If he gets a hold of it, he yoinks Miguel forward in an off-balancing pull--and then bodychecks him with that tremendous belly to try and smash through his defenses and lay him flat on the ground.

"And that hair," Bob says, "Is that conditioner or did a mutant climb onto your head?"

COMBATSYS: Bob blitzes into action and acts again!

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Miguel           0/-------/=======|=======\-------\1              Bob

COMBATSYS: Bob successfully hits Miguel with Combination Bitter.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Miguel           1/-----==/=======|=======\==-----\1              Bob

COMBATSYS: Miguel Toughs Out Bob's Sparkling Death!

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Miguel           1/--=====/=======|=======\=====--\1              Bob

Miguel attempted to put up his guard, but Bob's blubbery blows breezed past the block, beating Miguel bloody. After the first flurry, Miguel went to activate his Pip-Boy 3000. Bob remained in the air as Miguel looked over the items they had given him. He started off and took some Psycho. Then pulling out Med-X and slasher, he took them at the same time. He chewed a bit of tobacco. After inhaling a shot of turbo, he preformed a weapon binding rituals to his brass knuckles, he also added some tremble to his brass knuckles. He took a bottle of Datura hide. He started drinking a bottle of rushing water. Miguel enjoyed a nice Yao Gaui steak, He ate some Daturana with fire ant nectar for flavor. He washed down the nice meal with a large tequila and Nuka-Cola Quartz.

After taking every buffing item in the game, Miguel took the second assault full on. It didn't really hurt at all. Miguel laughed manically as the rendered bottles and syringes crashed to the ground. He walked towards Bob, everything in slow motion. He was gonna punch that fat vault dweller, punch him with all his might and power. In his crazed state, he still shouted one thing out.

"Do you like the sight of your own BLOOD!"

COMBATSYS: Miguel knocks away Bob with Burla.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Miguel           0/-------/------=|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2              Bob

Bob shifts on his feet after the blow. When it doesn't have quite the impact he was expecting, he finds himself left open for a sudden counterattack. When the other fighter started unloading all of his inventory, Bob can't help but comment, however: "And here I thought I'd be the one overindulging in items. Thinking if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?"

But unfortunately for Bob, his sass is cut short when Miguel goes in with a crazed, supercharged punch. Bob tries to throw up his block, but despite his best efforts the punch slips through. It hammers him with a massive, practically explosive critical hit effect that sends blood--pixellated or otherwise--spraying out as Bob goes rocketing backward. The heavy fighter smashes into a nearby car, simulated as a rustbucket, and he hits it with so much force the car nearly flips over onto its side. Instead, it leans dangerously before dropping back down with a shock-busting impact.

"Hurgh," Bob says, wiping blood from his mouth and taking a moment to get back to his feet. He climbs up, then staggers, trying to get his footing once again.

Once he does, he shakes his head, trying to clear his vision. He then break into a run, building up speed to try and close the gap with Miguel again. Of course, this also means that Miguel has bit of a warning that Bob is coming. Even so, Bob tries to close the gap, throwing a wind-up haymaker of a punch himself--even if it lacks the item-boosted properties...or the raw, horrible strength of Miguel's last blow.

COMBATSYS: Miguel blocks Bob's Strong Punch.

[                \\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Miguel           0/-------/-----==|>>>>>>>\>>>>>>>\2              Bob

Miguel saw the impressive jiggle physics the remake had as Bob ran towards him. When Bob threw out a haymaker, Miguel leaned into it and broke it with his shoulder. Still in clear mind, he gave out another quip.

Wait that's not blood, that's gravy."

With Bob back in range, Miguel shot another kick at Bob's face that was currently banned in Germany.

"And Ain't this a Kick in the HEAD!"

COMBATSYS: Bob interrupts Medium Kick from Miguel with Spiral Rocky.
- CRAZY Hit! -

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Miguel           0/-------/-======|>>>>>>-\-------\0              Bob

Bob's haymaker crashes against Miguel's shoulder block, provoking a grunt from Bob before he kicks back to widen the gap between them. "Ah, there's the gravy line -- but you know," Bob starts, only to be interrupted by Miguel's charging in with a powerful headkick. Bob runs toward the danger instead, closing the gap on Miguel even as he risks getting kicked in the face.

"This weight isn't from laziness," Bob says as he ducks in, throwing up an armblock to redirect the kick just long enough to launch straight up, spiraling skyward in a two-fisted rising uppercut resembling the well-known shoryuken--albeit supersized. A bright CRITICAL HIT indicator flashes up on the VATS as Bob spins into the sky.

"This the result of harsh training for an optimum combination of both speed /and/ weight. Fat jokes are just the price to pay for a stronger style, I guess. Can't win for losing, huh?"

Miguel was struck by the jiggling vault dweller. The blow was swift and heavy. Miguel felt like his arm was nearly broken. Bob was using his rolls of fat as mods to his power. The fight was getting close to the wire, and Miguel would not lose to an overweight tallow tub like this. When when went into the sky, Miguel watched him as he came down. "Price? You have more oil than Alaska bud." When Bob landed, the Spaniard rushed forward.

"But now, I'm gonna wail on you till the cola leaks out of you. I'm gonna throw you into the Grand Canyon, then they'll call you the Beaten-Man, or at least the Whipped and Beaten Lard Pig"

Miguel went to tackle and force Bob to the ground. He would stomp on Bobs legs to cripple them from the limb damage. Then he was going to pound on his face without mercy.

COMBATSYS: Bob blocks Miguel's Regalo.

[                     \\\\\\\\\  < >  /////                         ]
Miguel           0/-------/-----==|>>>>>>>\-------\1              Bob

Bob smiles to himself when the uppercut slams into Miguel. That's the kind of hit Bob was looking for. Unfortunately, it's enough quite enough to stop Miguel, who is advancing again with threats of injury and more than enough force to back it up.

"Such anger," Bob says, "you've really got a chip on your shoulder...I can tell. Listen, if you need help with something after all this is done...well, I know some people Just think of me as a good samaritan. If there's something I can do, I can't just stand by." Bob flashes a winning smile. Winning in spite of his girth. Charming, even.

But then Miguel's on the offensive again. The Spaniard slams into Bob with a powerful tackle, knocking the wind out of the heavyweight fighter. He blocks the stomp and with a knee, but there's still a painful sounding crack. Fists come down toward his face, but Bob weathers the onslaught there too, even if each hit rings out with a heavy, bone-shattering thump.

Eventually, Bob rolls away, barely able to stand. "Whew," he wipes his face. "Looks like this is it...but I'm not going down completely without a fight. Bob jets in again, but this time cuts short of of actually being in striking distance. Instead, he reaches out to grab Miguel by the arm to try and yank him forward with a mighty pull. If he yanks Miguel into range, he strikes upward with a quick elbow to the chin, then twists around to put Miguel's arm over his shoulder. He jerks down, aiming for a joint-break, then swings Miguel back around to try and kick him straight in the back and send him tumbling over.

And then, whether he unleashes the furious combo or misses the grab entirely--Bob collapses, falling over with a groan.

COMBATSYS: Bob can no longer fight.

[                     \\\\\\\\\  <
Miguel           0/-------/-----==|

COMBATSYS: Bob successfully hits Miguel with Cooler Shaker.

[                            \\  <
Miguel           0/-------/=======|

Miguel is dragged and broken by the fat Bob. As the raider tumbles, the crowds cheer. There were many cries from the fans. Several Legion shouted "RETRIBUTION!". One man dressed as Boone jeered "Thumbs down you son of a bitch!".

The crowds of nerds playing dress up faded from Miguel's mind as the worlds crashed on him. When he woke, he was alone in a hotel room with some weird wired up V-Gage. He held the item, perplexed. Thinking he might be in his contact's room, he tried it on.

Meanwhile, at the now empty stage, Miguel's hidden ear-piece lay on the floor, Yosuke's voice still calling out.

"Miguel are you there? Did you mention how it's just an Oculist Rift with the Kinect? Miguel? Miguel! Migueeellll!"

COMBATSYS: Miguel can no longer fight.

Log created on 14:41:00 06/20/2017 by Bob, and last modified on 22:10:23 06/21/2017.