SNF 2017.01 - SNF: Bright Lights, Big City

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Description: Ah. The sounds of the cities. The sights. The verbal, physical, and other kinds of assault on the senses. Country girls need not apply for big city living. A far cry from a more serene life, two ladies will be breaking it down. Both Seori and Radha will duke it out in Downtown Southtown, right in the heart of a traffic jam. That's Alan's job, as the chaos agent of this match. Alan will be entrusted in making a nice, high-quality traffic jam right here in the heart of the city. It's up to you Alan. Make a nice, loud accident right out in the open for Seori's and Radh's sake, and I'll make sure you'll have a nice bottle of sake. Oh, and also punch them and make chaos. Punching and causing traffic accidents. You got a heck of a weekend Alan.


The time is 1:18:21 PM. Massive computers housed in Los Angeles have determined this to be the ideal time to begin the Southtown operation, playfully labelled #fuckemuphour in Illuminati correspondence, which is to say, Twitter DMs.

Alan R.B. is leaning against a traffic pole, rudely gaijin and heedless of the press of Japanese foot traffic as he looks down at his Galaxy S9, smoke curling from the black-and-gold cigarette in his mouth. He flicks ash directly onto the pavement in front of him.

Alan opens an app labelled "Fuck or Be Fucked 2017", a red light coming out of his front-facing camera, scanning over his face. Beat. Sighing, Alan pushes his sunglasses up and allows it to scan again before clapping them back over his eyes. He starts pressing down, tapping, dragging, you know. Phone shit. It doesn't look at all unusual to any passers-by. It just looks like he's dicking with Google Maps.


The time is 3:34:10 PM and life is hell.

Over the past two hours, several roadworks projects, mild power failures, and an unfortunate incident we'll call a "potatopocalypse" have funnelled vehicular traffic into a kind of vortex around this one particular intersection. The light is out here - cars eventually stopped respecting it entirely, packing chock-a-block into the roadway. They move slowly, carefully around each other, honking and cursing - some people are rolling their rs which is how you KNOW they're mad - and the foot traffic is likewise snarled due to rubberneckers. This is the single worst place to be in Southtown in this exact moment.

Alan R.B., a bored look on is face, slips his phone into the pocket of his vest, taking out an onyx cigarette case with a sapphire triangle mounted in it. He cracks it open, pulls out two black-and-gold cigarettes, and replaces it. One tucks behind his ear, the other taps the side of his cheek, coming away cherry-red from the barely-perceptible lightning crackling constantly around him.

He puts it into his mouth and takes a long drag. "Alright," he says, looking at his phone again. "Start grabbing each others' tits or however you wanna do this."


First it was maid costumes. Now it's traffic jams. Forget about possibly being found by some assassin or another due to something Ryouhara things whatever- Seori's going to get killed by these damn setups. 'Face your fears' the theme said. Oh, she has a lot of fears. Ninja fears. The sort she suspected would tailor her match to be something about cherry blossoms, death, the fragility and limited time span of life, silent reflections on a bridge over a still koi pond. Moonbeams over red spider lilies. Or maybe something lazy that everyone claims to be scared by, like clowns. Spiders. Whatever. She could act like she was scared, and get some experience, everything would be great.


This may be Japan, but something about the combination of mishaps, simmering tempers, people being stuck in traffic, livelihoods being on the line, and, well, possibly, potatoes, have brought out the inner asshole that lies within anyone able to get behind the wheel of a large heavy gas-powered machine. And that's before you factor in the part about her BEING PART OF THE REASON traffic is held up. It's attention, loud noises, the stink of fuel and probably other smells she'd care not to think about, the noisy chaotic ensemble of city all into one.

Seori looks dumbly at Alan, then at Radha, then at Alan. Something about... grabbing things and doing things? ".... C-come again? Traffic's too lou-"


She can feel her headache coming already. "Let's get this over with. Please."

Cross town traffic / So hard to get through to you

It's still cold outside in this time of year, but it is positively warm to Radha given everything she had to deal with beforehand in her previous event in SNF: Now Brought To You To Avoid The Question Of "Where Are All The Other People."

The traffic jam was sufficiently remarkable that Radha paused to take a quick illustrative charcoaling of the crowd. But then Seori turns to look towards her, and Radha folds up her pad, even as that huge HONK rings outwards. Radha calls outwards, "I hope you'll forgive me if I do not follow the instructions of our dear organizer, Miss Kouhara!" And as she does this, she picks up the stick she had leaned against a newspaper box.

It is not a walking stick. She twirls the two-meter-long piece of sun-browned - bamboo? Yeah, it's bamboo - merrily round, resting it on her shoulder as she steps out into the...


"Do you think we should avoid the cars?" Radha calls out to Seori. Perhaps this will give her the chance to seize the initative. Or trip her up?!

COMBATSYS: Seori has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Seori            0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Radha has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Radha            0/-------/-======|-------\-------\0            Seori

Alan R.B. doesn't have too much to do until the fight starts. Noting that neither of the girls were scandalized by his previous yell - don't ask how Alan is managing to hear them clearly from the side of this nightmarish cacophony, it's an Illuminati secret - he minimizes Fuck Or Be Fucked and activates Secret Phone Controls NO NORMIES ALLOWED, holding the phone up to his mouth.

The phone magnifies his voice through a shockingly high-fidelity external speaker, because his people own most of the phone companies. "Good luck with that shit! This is just the beginning of your car nightmare!" He taps the phone on his chin as he objectifies Radha and Seori for a while. Is he in the mood for curry or melon bread? This appears to be the biggest thing on his mind right now.

The sharp dissonance of the vehicles (aka 'the audience') is enough that, at first, Seori forgoes her usual inspection of her opponent. After all, at this point, just about anyone could be her opponent here. Radha's just the person aside from Alan without a car. Or not shouting at someone in a car. Or somehow involved with car-like behaviors. In fact, this opponent is-

Sketching? OH. OH. She's an artist! The young ninja momentarily forgets the loud honking and yelling of their enraptured audience and cranes her neck, briefly disappointed that she wasn't able to get a glance at Radha's sketches before they're folded up. "Nono, it's alright," Seori calls back. "I'll follow your lead!" That is, if this 'chaos agent' will allow them. How is it he's able to get his phone to do that?! Can smart phones do that?! What if this woman's the chaos agent? Should Seori really agree so easily?! WHAT IF IT'S ALL A TRICK AND EVERYTHING IS A LIE

Screw it.

With a breath, Seori flings her arms open, grasping the fluttering tail ends of that teal scarf around her neck. A rush of chi, and the scarf transforms into the metal ring, chains, and double-pronged blade of a kyoketsu shoge. Whipping the metal hoop end around in one hand, Seori spin vigorously and throws it forward just past Radha. Then, using her chi control on the weapon, she stops it, using her hold on the chain to jerk it over her head or to the side in a wide arc, hopefully to wrap against Radha herself.

Radha may be trying to get them away from the cars but there's a man yelling into his phone and cars honking and LOGIC HAS NO PLACE HERE

COMBATSYS: Seori successfully hits Radha with Hangetsudan.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////////  ]
Radha            0/-------/-======|-------\-------\0            Seori

Radha keeps on going forwards, nice and neat. She walks precisely between the rows of the cars, though Seori can get a nice good visual on her even as she spreads her arms and FWISH! out goes the hoop. Radha turns, her stick held warily as if to parry aside the blade - but it's going -

"Oh! Well," Radha says with a sly smile and a glance back towards Seori, glasses gleaming. "I see~."

Radha lets the chain wrap around her with equanimity, her stick held at an akimbo position in anticipation of some kind of counterstrike and everything would be JUST DUCKY if it wasn't for the fact that Seori's gotten her stick held against her body in a way that Radha did not anticipate.

"How uncomfortable," she says, before sidling behind a nearby car. Well, that's rude. Especially when the chain rattles against the windshield of that Toyota, so brave, so bold. At that point Radha puts her backside against the door of a nearby truck, whose driver tootles her with vigor.

And then she gets her free hand up to YANK!

Hopefully pulling Seori into the side of that Toyota. And this time, it isn't just some flirtatious brushing. "Are you sure that it's safe to get all tangled up in these conditions?!"

COMBATSYS: Seori blocks Radha's Medium Throw.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Radha            0/-------/=======|==-----\-------\0            Seori

The chaos agent, in true chaos agent fashion, has yet to push off his traffic pole. He's yet to look up from his phone for more than a few moments at a time. He has one finger pressed against his screen, gliding it up, across, down, occasionally jostling the screen. Maybe that scrolls his map? He's already using a phone two models ahead of what's actually out because he's Illuminati scum, god knows what else Alan is capable of.

Radha starts talking about tangling and he lifts the phone to his mouth, briefly taking the cigarette from his mouth. "Probably not," he says in his magnified voice. "Hey, you know what owns about a highly-stressed bike courier staring down the barrel of a third divorce with four shitty children?"

He pokes at his phone's screen again.

"If you jack their GPS, they're too busy being on the edge of a total mental breakdown to second-guess it!"

With a harsh jingle-jangle, a sweating Japanese man with an unfortunate hairline and a malnourished look comes tearing around the corner, legs pumping, a messenger bag slung tight across his back. Screaming in Japanese, "<I CAN'T LOSE ANOTHER JOB I'M SORRY I'M SORRY>" he tears directly toward Radha, putting his helmeted head down and screaming.

"Hey, try to get her shirt or something!" shouts Alan after him. "I'm fuckin' dyin' over here with all these covered-up office ladies everywhere!"

COMBATSYS: Alan has joined the fight here in the center.

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Radha            0/-------/=======|==-----\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-------

The gleam of those glasses and the mannerly response from the artist brings Seori back into focus. Oh, right. Her attacking Radha as she's walking away is technically her being the sneaky one, as opposed to Radha. Okay, well, screw it, she's a ninja, it works, okay.

Wrapping her hand around the metal chain of her weapon, Seori furrows her brow at the ducking Radha. A nearby HONK jostles Seori's proper line of thought, and grants Radha the clearance to begin the process of *yanking* the kunoichi against the poor Toyota.

There is now someone very pissed in that Toyota that Seori's slammed into. Thankfully, the door's now kind of jammed due to the impact the ninja made, so they won't exactly be able to open up that door and voice their discontent. Not immediately, anyway. And really, if Seori had just allowed herself to slam against the car all spread out, it wouldn't have made that nice dent that's now there, placed by a knee and whatever length of metal reversing into silken scarf that could pass for impact padding. OW.

And that strange man is yelling something about shirts, and Seori is beginning to wonder if it's against the rules to just attack him instead of Radha. Should she? If she could just get him to shut up...

Well, she can at least helpfully yank Radha out of the way of that bike courier, yanking her chain like some sort of strange game of tug of war, the chain melting away from Radha as Seori frees her weapon's grip on the woman.

It probably won't yank the artist out of harm's way. It might make it worse. Seori doesn't know, there's a Toyota in her way.

*click* On cue, the door in a nearby Nissan audibly locks, as if Seori was about to shadily use some ancient ninja technique to smash in their door as well.

COMBATSYS: Radha blocks Alan's Random Weapon.

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Radha            0/-------/=======|==-----\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-------

COMBATSYS: Radha dodges Seori's Medium Throw.

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Radha            0/-------/=======|==-----\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-------

Act 1: The Bike Messenger

A man on a courier bike, or so Radha thinks of it, barrels towards her. Her eyes widen as she is held relatively taut, held in place, held to get SIDESWIPED by that man, who does in fact manage to get hold of her clothing. No, unfortunately for Alan and all the other horney viewers, not her top, but it does get that cloth on her head, catching it and pulling it aside, revealing her pinned-back black hair and partially dislodging her glasses. "Ohh!" Radha says. Not least because he also ended up slamming her against the trunk of the Toyota.

Oopsie doodle!

Act 2: The Chains of Cloth

At this point Radha is tugged on with that chain, that chain that is already turning back into fabric. Fortunately the angle that she had been squashed into means it slips free without too much drama, much to Radha's relief. (Even if chain friction might have torn up her top... hm... what have we lost here today, Alan R. B.??) The stick, too, is liberated.

Act 3: The Liberated Stick

So Radha uses it to pole-vault over the roof of this unfortunate car, sweeping her hand outwards as she flies -- and what permeates downwards is a glittering netlike radiance, suggestive of that light you see undulating in the bottom of a pool, with a cooling, soothing, almost anesthetizing pleasantness to it. An exhausting and wearying one, but at least it's not negative.

Will it land on the bystander instead of Seori!? Who knows. (Perhaps not, those roofs are sturdy these days.)

-----------------------------<Paste from Alan>-----------------------------

- You do not have a non-imbued normal set. Contact staff.

----------------------------<Paste to Downtown>----------------------------

Alan tilts his head and rubs at the faint stubble on his chin as Radha's hair is exposed. Well. It's a start. Uncovering that which was covered is truly the first step to eroticism.

The blonde boxer flicks ash, crossing his ankles as he considers, then switches over to a very, very secret messaging app. Holding the phone sideways, he gets something going.

<vajrayudha> ay nerd
<ILMtech04> Tech here, field agent. State your request.
<vajrayudha> hack some cars its gonna be dope, i need their alarms fucked with
<ILMtech04> Relevance to mission?
<vajrayudha> lmao yeah, fukken do it, i'll bring you weird magic drugs next party

A moment later, Alan grins a shark's smile and dumps a youtube link into Fuck Or Be Fucked. People with computer-controlled cars in the immediate vicinity of the fight lose control of their horns and car alarms, which begin manipulating themselves in a familiar melody.

The Illuminati agent finally steps away from the pole, hooking fingers together, stretching them out with a series of pops, shrugging his shoulders, tilting his neck, and tapping one boot -tip against the pavement.

He settles back down, stretching over. "Ahh! That's more like it." He taps something on his phone. The Nissan car door suddenly unlocks and springs open, right for Seori! EXTREMELY RUDE!

COMBATSYS: Seori dodges Radha's Delight.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Radha            1/------=/=======|==-----\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-------

COMBATSYS: Seori blocks Alan's Medium Punch.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Radha            1/------=/=======|====---\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-------

Normally, Seori's list of priorities is topped with things like 'not involving innocent people in her fights' and 'not causing a ruckus' and 'not being the center of attention'. Causing property damage involves attracting attention and possible enemies. It's better to blend in and adapt to your surroundings, using them to your advantage. Just.... not in a way that involves ruining the shiny finish of someone's new car, or cracking the windshield of a car.

Speaking of car damage, Seori sights Radha pole-vaulting over the hood of a nearby vehicle. Shifting to the side from the display of radiant cool chi, Seori ducks behind shield of that Nissan from before, about to land her next move-

just what the heck is going on oh god she wants to wrap her scarf around her head it's too loud

The shinobi cringes at the electronic cacophony of noise (although she'd probably later agree that it's an excellent rendition of the classic tune), briefly disorientated.

In a blessed moment of clarity, the ninja's eats pick up on the distinctive 'click' of that Nissan door from earlier. Reflexes spring into gear, and the silken Koumei Hagoromo scarf coils into action, coiling into a impromptu cushion against the sharp slamming of the car door against Seori's unguarded side. Stumbling away from the impact, Seori's eyes sight Radha once more. Perfect.

One half of the scarf slips into one hand, transforming into a length of metal chain, complete with the blade from before as she swings it around. Letting it forward, Seori takes in a sharp inhale of breath, controlling the propelled blade like a missile. In a trail of blue-grey chi, the blade zips around the car and towards Radha, attempting to strike.

COMBATSYS: Radha dodges Seori's Hiendan.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Radha            1/------=/=======|===----\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-------


No you are not. Radha jumps as the honking begins, the song not quite as familiar to her as it might be to someone of American extraction, but the Space Jam was a worldwide crisis. As she lands neatly and sees a door slam open, as if of its own accord, Radha's eyes narrow.

She adjusts her glasses.

At this exact moment the metal chain transformation completes for that scarf and it arcs around that car. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

As the chorus continues Radha appears to be, in fact, ready for this, as she swings her long bamboo pole round and smacks it against the side of the chi-burning hook. The resulting flash leaves a huge scorch mark on the stick, but the stick is probably not a reliquary of her heritage. Probably.

Having done this she twists down low, not high, and swings the stick round as she turns the corner. Her arm sticks out, which is not really anyone's fetish, but the stick itself twists round, through the scientific miracle of leverage! More to the point it's aimed to smash into the side of Seori's thigh and perhaps further on, into the buttock department, even as Radha herself turns round and hikes herself up onto the hood of that nearby truck.

"I wonder if they'll start moving! Wouldn't that be exciting?" she calls over the chorus of /digitally owned horns/

COMBATSYS: Radha successfully hits Seori with Complex.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Radha            1/----===/=======|======-\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-------

<vajrayudha> melon bread using chi-infusion transformative weaponry. department 34 leak unlikely but do a check. very clothed, putting her down as a 7 subject to change
<vajrayudha> curry using staff techniques with chi emission, nothing not already in our records. significantly less clothed. locking in at a high 8 imo, more fred's type

The Illuminati loves Saturday Night Fight. It makes gathering and double-checking information on active fighters absurdly efficient. Alan yells through his phone: "Hey melon bread, that shawl's not doing you any favors! Think about the fuckin' ratings! You're undoing all the work those jeans are puttin' in!" The blonde yawns, running a crackling hand through the lightning bolt of hair hanging down the side of his face, adjusting it. He mutters to himself, "Doesn't she realize once I lock this number in, that's it? Does she /want/ to be a seven forever? Come on."

Radha lands on a truck. Its driver, an Americanophile wearing a MAGA hat and an obnoxious American flag-patterned jacket, leans out of the window to yell at her, peppering his Japanese with poorly-pronounced English swears. His truck is brand new, even outfitted with a hydraulic lift kit, because that's how big cowboy hat America-jin do it.

Alan aims his phone toward the truck, waiting for a moment. "Annnnnd... alley--" He dips the phone down, the truck hissing as the lift kit is engaged, the vehicle sinking sharply toward the road. "---oop!" Alan hauls his phone up. The truck's front hydraulics hurl the vehicle upward high enough to bounce it off the ground.

why are the speakers talking about food and clothing
where is her opponent, did her ninkou hit, Seori can't tell from here
does anybody know what we are living for
Oh, there's Radha. Hello Radha, nice to meet you
Seori is not ready for this at alll

Radha's bamboo pole lands nicely against Seori's side, throwing her against the side of yet another nearby car.

At Radha's cheery suggestion, Seori doesn't speak. In fact, she really hasn't said much of anything since the fight started proper. Not that it'd really be something noticeable due to the epic notes of Space Jam going on in the background. Of course, would any amount of words really be able to outdo the look of absolute terror on Seori's face at Radha's presumably innocent suggestion? Moving cars being exciting? Nonono, that'd be _horrifying_, why would anyone suggest this, has Radha fallen prey to madness, please oh please don't let that agent overhear those words

Oh no, he did, why is this happening to her

The man is clearly out to kill them both, and she needs to deal with him. It's a matter of Ryouhara pride or *something*, she doesn't know, just make it stop. Suddenly darting out from behind a moving car, Seori slinks behind the hood of another. There. There the blonde is, still paying attention to Radha. Just need to get closer, closer still...

A chain suddenly whips out, aimed for the hand holding that damn phone. If it manages to wrap around Alan's wrist, Seori will jerk the chain backwards with a sudden jerk with the heel of her foot, then attempt to slice the device with the bladed end in her right hand.

The rules went out the window when Space Jam came into the picture.

COMBATSYS: Alan successfully hits Radha with Quick Throw.

[          \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Radha            1/--=====/=======|======-\-------\0            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|------=

Radha looks over her shoulder at Rawhide Kobayashi and mimes blowing him a kiss. Well, really, that's the same as blowing him a kiss, but she kind of makes it sarcastic. And then she is punished for her ELITIST SARCASM when the hydraulics go BUMP and she goes THUMP, slightly thereafter, launched into the air a good three meters and tumbling with comic effect.

And, apparently, zero air control. Radha seems consternated, in so far as Seori might be able to tell. She lands on the front windshield of that embattled Toyota, and she does not land gently. No, she lands with great force and vigor. What we are saying is that she just smashed that windshield, although fortunately it erupts into vaguely cubic blocks that shower in on the hapless occupant rather than jagged, Radha-carving shards.

She pulls herself upwards with what a close observer might call dismaying ease, but Seori is not observing her very closely, is she? No. She is looking at that man. That 'Alan.' Justly, perhaps. Radha keeps pulling herself upwards in this reversed curl, coming to stand atop the Toyota's roof despite its resultant slight dimpling and then stepping forwards, spinning the stick up and resting it over her shoulder, like a bindle, as she strolls her way down the back of the car.

And then, no doubt to Alan's pleasure, she comes up after Seori... from behind! A few steps run-up to build momentum, a twist to try and slam that stick down, a spiralling twist for several more interceptions between 'stick' and 'Seori.'

Finally a two-headed snap downwards... and there's another radiant pastel burst of that strange blue energy!

This time the impression to Seori would be clearer: It feels like someone poured a pitcher of perfectly-neutral, perfectly-body temperature water right down her windpipe. But in a good way! In so far as such a thing could have a good way.

Assuming, of course, Radha didn't just hit a log.

COMBATSYS: Radha successfully hits Seori with Aesthetic Narcosis.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////                   ]
Radha            0/-------/--=====|=======\==-----\1            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|------=

COMBATSYS: Alan dodges Seori's Tsunawatari Jab.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////                   ]
Radha            0/-------/--=====|=======\==-----\1            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|------=

Alan R.B. doesn't look up when Seori decides she's had enough of the chaos agent. At that exact moment, he's firing off several messages which are likely to make the environment even worse than it already is.

Her chain darts out and begins to curl around his wrist. If he was going to dodge it, he'd've done it before then, right? Who is this man, anyway?

Eyes still glued to his screen, the blonde Illuminati seems to fall to the side, twisting. His hand and phone dart out from within the loop, his legs blur into another position, and then...

...he's just in front of Seori. For an instant he's in two places at once, but the afterimage of Alan R.B. that was about to sprint collapses into crackling sparks. A trail of lightning is still jumping on the ground from there to here. This close, his sunglasses are transparent enough that she can see his stormcloud eyes, the grey tones vaguely rolling within his irises.

"Hey, are you slow? Did you forget how this works? You two flail at each other while I fuck around and do whatever I feel like." He holds up one crackling finger in her face, leaning down over her, the silver chain on his wrist settling. "Besides, from what I've seen so far, you're relying too much on your fancy ninja tool. Figure your shit out before you try to roll on someone like me anywhere other than the bedroom."

He tucks his finger against his thumb. "Besides. This isn't a 2v1. You're about to eat hard shit." He flicks out at her forehead. He isn't particularly superhumanly strong, but the shining light of chi at the end of his finger would impact like a deafening thunderclap.

COMBATSYS: Alan successfully hits Seori with Jab Punch.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////                     ]
Radha            0/-------/--=====|=======\====---\1            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-----==

Ah. As Seori witnesses her attack answered with That Blonde suddenly seeming to just phase into existence right in front of her. He's fast. Some sort of unorthodoc manipulation of chi, perhaps.

In other words, this was a mistake. Of course they wouldn't just send in some ass with a phone to vet a match between two fighters and a trapped audience afflicted with road rage. They'd use someone who was much, much more capable to withstand whatever was thrown at them. But really, it was somewhat satisfying, if only for a moment.

The calm face that greets Alan's flicked finger is that of a damn teenager who has resolved that, for all the pain that is going to happen, it was all worth that tiny minute bit of satisfaction.

And really, it would have, if Radha hadn't herself rightfully taken advantage of Seori's transgression. So no, Radha did not, in fact, hit a log. Seori would have preferred it. Or maybe, it's not so bad after all, aside from the part where she feels like she's half-drowning on pleasantly warm bath water. But only half. The rest is filled with a fuzzy barrier between pain, noise, her body, and... herself. Drunkenly she falls to the ground on her side, the roar and lumbering dance of cars and passengers a footnote in her ears.

Numbly, Seori gets up, her clothing and hair disheveled and the effects of Radha's strange chi beginning to wear off. "... Thank you. I think I'm feel much better now." Probably wasn't the intention, but the drowning *did* sort of cancel out the initial sting of Alan's thunderflick of a headache. If just for a moment. "Let's wrap this up before we get maimed by these cars, shall we?" She waits a beat to roll her shoulders, a motion that properly loosens that ache that was just beginning to register from landing improperly on her side.

It also dislodges two rows of small needle-like kunai into Seori's hands, which she loosely flings at Radha.

COMBATSYS: Seori successfully hits Radha with Surprise Kunai.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////                     ]
Radha            0/-------/--=====|=======\====---\1            Seori
                 [ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-----==

The needles fly at Radha as she opens her mouth to give Seori a reply. Fortunately, they do not skewer any of her tender face meats - as we all know, the cheeks are particularly succulent - but unfortunately, they hit home more or less pure and clean.

Radha seems taken aback by this turn of events.

She looks past her, towards Alan for a moment, who is now coming back from a sharp short punch. Then her eyes turn back towards Seori as she opens her mouth, trying to form words for a moment. Struggling momentarily against what is no doubt extremely severe and possibly unique pain, such as comes from sprouting tiny pointy bits. Like she'd aggrieved an angry hedgehog!

"Well, that was a little harsh of him," Radha manages to say, her tone still mild.

The question of getting on with it, of being hit by the cars, gives Radha an abrupt idea, and she answers Seori with a curtsey... EXCEPT IT IS A TRAP, because she's sinking down to one knee as if she's genuflecting before a queen or other potentiate. That's the easy part; the less easy part is what she does with her stick, which swings round with a merry WHZ and an aim to sweep the leg of Seori out from beneath her. It is not quite the proverbial 'opening of the gates of heaven,' but the insinuation might be the same.

But with more ankle breaking! One of the kunai falls out as Radha does this, and NOW she makes a tight, teeth-clenched little screech.

There isn't much else Alan can do to make the traffic situation worse that isn't just a factor of time. He shakes out his index finger, a few stray crackles of power fragmenting off. They say chi tends to carry some kind of impression of the person using it along with it.

Alan's electricity has the tingly, uneasy feel of being caught on the back streets of Las Vegas. Money, blood, and the self-destructive pursuit of the rush.

He slides his phone into the front pocket of his expensive vest, straightening it out after his blitz run.

"And for you--!" Alan puts his hands in his pockets as he shifts around the two of them. "Now that melon bread's gone and riled me up," he comes out with a metal ring on each of his fingers. The stray chi constantly crackling on him accumulates on them, giving off a faint yellow glow. "I don't know. Your chi shit sucks. You're not doing anything new as far as we're concerned!"

His right hand comes down as Radha goes for her sweep, trying to catch the back of her head and push it rudely into the pavement. Just touching his skin is like grabbing an active power cord, which is the part that really sucks.

Meanwhile - sure enough, honking seems to grow more frantic as traffic starts flowing to the south. A convenient car accident has been conveniently cleared away by state workers suddenly getting some kind of motivation to do their jobs after being likewise motivated to not. Even if it's not the way they wanted to go, everyone is beginning to just kind of bleed toward the motion, making the traffic jam briefly worse as people are fighting to change direction.

COMBATSYS: Radha successfully hits Seori with Medium Strike.
Grazing Hit

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////                        ]
Radha            0/-------/-======|=======\======-\1            Seori
                 [ ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|-----==

The impression of Alan's chi was still there, even after the anesthetic chill of Radha's own, enough to burn whatever self-satisfaction Seori had left over from Radha's attack. This man was not only an asshole, he was dangerous. The sort of dangerous Seori should've recognized much more quickly. It's just that those instincts were sort of tucked away underneath the honking horns, squealing tires, and leaping vehicles.

Thankfully for Radha, Seori didn't aim for her face, or anywhere vital- as far as the ninja can control, anyway. The artist's comment does not go unappreciated either, causing Seori to smile. "It's probably why he was picked for the job," the kunoichi finally says, raising her voice just enough to be heard by Radha over the background noise. "To be able to handle that audience, and make sure we follow the rules."

They'll need to keep him occupied enough so that he doesn't try to jump in himself. Hell, Seori just may have inspired the man to do so by pissing him off. Also-

Oh. OH, so *she's* melon bread. Well, that solves that mystery.

The other mystery is what is Radha doing oh god she's coming right over here

Radha's attempt to sweep Seori's legs right from underneath her partially succeeds, forcing the ninja to balance back on one leg. "Gh!" Alright, if this chaos agent wants ratings...

Hoping backward, Seori flips onto the top of a small car, her left hand already swinging the hooped end of her weapon. Steadily, the car begins to sink on its wheels, bouncing back up as Seori leaps into the air, almost as if she was trying to become some sort of helicopter.

A helicopter with a suddenly very giant metal ring at the end of its one propeller. A terrible helicopter, but one that could be very painful for Radha as Seori attempts to slam the ring downwards her. Or the pavement. It's hard to aim with this thing.

And it's probably not the sort of ratings Alan was hoping for.

COMBATSYS: Alan successfully hits Radha with Livewire.

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////                        ]
Radha            1/-----==/=======|======-\-------\0            Seori
                 [ ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|---====

COMBATSYS: Radha dodges Seori's Ryuusei Burst.

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////                        ]
Radha            1/-----==/=======|======-\-------\0            Seori
                 [ ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|---====

"Why do you call her melon bread?" Radha asks Alan, raising an eyebrow - wincing slightly as she does because oh yeah that's pulling at a kunai too. Then he reaches down mid-swipe and she is in fact touched.

It's electric.

But not the sexy kind of electric, like you want.

Radha's teeth clench down as she's given that bursting shock that makes her muscles tense up. Having your muscles stimulated by electric shock is a peculiar feeling, a sort of involuntary horror that puts tension throughout much of her torso. Thankfully it does not hit her heart, though it DOES make her face contort in a truly ridiculous expression, even as Seori leaps away, leaps up, and -

Radha leaps up too!? Though it is not entirely voluntary, and her stick comes loose from her grip, falling to the ground with a clatter and immediately getting disintegrated by some dipshit trying to do multi-track drifting to whirr ahead of everyone else on the road and get home nineteen seconds earlier.

Then again, as she rises above of where Seori descends, she is, perhaps, piqued by what Alan has said. And so she sticks out her right hand in the air, her left arm coming up to cover her eyes, but this is not dabbing - not dabbing at all! What comes from her splayed fingers is like a net, though as it descends and the gaps between the shining threads interlace, deepening and softening the mid-afternoon light, it becomes more of a fractal shape - a change in the very lighting of the intersection.

Someone's car alarm goes off, because one of the strips of weird sunlight rests over it.

But all of it is circling around, drawing together in beautiful dichromatic subtlety, a gradient of DEMISE that is drawing ever close to Seori.

COMBATSYS: Radha successfully hits Seori with Non-objective Art.
- Power hit! -
~~ Alluring Hit! ~~

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  < >                                ]
Radha            0/-------/-----==|=======\==-----\1            Seori
                 [ ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|---====

Alan has dispensed Important Lessons and Solid Beatings. He pulls away from Radha as the traffic starts speeding up, another blockage conveniently clearing itself.

It's definitely food for thought. This man moves fast enough to leave after-images, hasn't stopped crackling with chi since we got here, accurately identified a ninja tool from mere observation, and is apparently capable of manipulating traffic and God knows what else from his phone.


He folds his arms, backing away toward his pole again, not even looking as he moves through the cars. One appears to punch right through him, but it's an after-image again. He sneers at Radha. "Well, you're obviously curry, but I can't go calling her /sushi/ until I know one way or the other. Maybe she takes care of herself."

He settles down but doesn't take out his phone. Can barely see through his sunglasses again at this distance, the pale grey lenses and his stormcloud eyes blending into into a single shade as he watches how the end is going to go, still smirking.

Sushi, he mentions. Unless he knows one way or another. Maybe she takes care of herself.

Then it all comes together. Oh. OH. Now Seori gets it.

Seori's face goes beet red. She opens her mouth in a small squeak.

It's enough, combined with her body's exhaustion from Radha's earlier attacks, to make this one final glorious artistic assault hit home.

"So..." Beautiful. She doesn't even have time to murmur it as the energy blasts her.

So, clearly, this is what artists can do, on top of drawing. Which is very close to ninjutsu when it comes to things like secrecy and the unknown, as far as Seori's concerned. How do you even *draw* a thing? How does that work? How can a 3D object be compressed into a 2D space? How are you able to make a face look like a face? How is i-

She collapses to her knees, then fully to the ground. No, she cannot fight back. It would be an insult.

Also it'd make her remember back to that damn comment Alan made. Her face is still burning from that.

COMBATSYS: Seori takes no action.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  <
Radha            0/-------/-----==|
                 [ ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|---====

COMBATSYS: Seori can no longer fight.

[                   \\\\\\\\\\\  <
Radha            0/-------/-----==|
                 [ ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ]
                 Alan             0|-------|---====

Landing, Radha breathes in deeply. And stumbles for a moment. She reaches for her stick but - ah - there it is.

A car runs over it again. Her shoulders slump. She puts a hand on her hip instead. Her head turns to look at Alan.

As she pushes her glasses up her nose, she says, "I see... And I suppose that would make you 'salami'?" And with that, she smiles before staggering towards the inevitable camera crews and people with medical spray.

A car nearly side-swipes her, but she doesn't notice. Thanks, Illuminati!!

Alan lifts his hand, pushing his sunglasses up, fixing Radha with those eyes.

He winks. "Premium soppressata."

Log created on 19:35:00 01/16/2017 by Seori, and last modified on 11:52:06 01/24/2017.