SNF 2015.05 - BLITZ: Love is a Battlefield

Description: In the MEGAMAZE, can schoolgirl and schoolgirl-themed singer find love? No. (Winner: Alexis, with 106 damage. However, she won a collected work of Justin Bieber... so who is the real winner?)


"So, you're sure that these things are pretty much completely safe? How does it work, anyway?" Alexis Lovell asked of the production manager as she finished attaching JOUST units to various parts of her body.

"Oh, of course. We haven't had any user complaints of fatalities so far!" the production manager replied brightly. "As we've already been over, the JOUST units will activate once you're inside the Megamaze, amplifying the impact force of any limbs or weaponry to which they're attached. They'll also provide protection against any lawsuits from attacks by other JOUST-equipped fighters!"

"Wait a minute -"


"Oh, looks like it's time to go! Good luck in the MEGAMAZE!"


Now deployed into the maze, the schoolgirl-uniform-clad rocker examines the active JOUST unit attached to her right hand. A faint hum builds around it as she eyes the device, and her lips quirk thoughtfully. "Huh. I wonder if these things power up my energy stuff...?"

Suddenly, behind her, a voice booms out: "AH'M GONNA SMOKE YA LIKE A SEA BASS!"

As Alexis looks over her shoulder, the source of the sound becomes obvious: what appears to be a two hundred and eighty pound biker bearing down on her with a tire iron, the weapon equipped with one of the JOUST units. As the man charges, Alexis clenches her hand into a fist. Then, ducking inside the biker's reach as he takes a JOUST-powered swing at her, she drives her closed fist into the man's gut as hard as she can.

A loud ping as if a bonus bumper in a pinball machine has been struck accompanies the pink energy explosion released by the blow. The biker's eyes go wide as he flies into one of the maze's walls before dropping to the ground, unconscious. Lights flash in random colours overhead and a deep pre-recorded voice sounds from above: "G-G-G-GROOVY KNOCKOUT! CASH BONUS!"

Alexis arches an eyebrow, looking upward as bills start to float down.

"Fuck. Yes."

==*== SOME TIME LATER ==*==

Alexis has found her way to what the announcers are calling the 'Warzone' - a clearing near the middle of the maze that a large number of the passageways of the structure eventually lead to. It's a prime spot to try and rack up some bonuses as a number of weaker fighters find their way into the open space.


"Alright! I fuckin' love coffee!" Alexis shouts eagerly after dropping another unsuspecting upcomer with a cheap shot from behind. The event seems to have driven her into a financially-fuelled frenzy; bills spill from everywhere she's been able to stuff them in her outfit as she bounces on her feet, then whirls around, looking for another challenger. "Alright! Who's next?!"

COMBATSYS: Alexis has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Alexis           0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Sada has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Sada             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0           Alexis

"Are you sure you want to strap me in a bunch of expensive equipment?" Sada says as she's strapped into the JOUST units. "I'm just saying that I'm not going to let you charge me for it. You've seen how I work. Are you even listening to me? This is because I'm a girl, isn't it? You Americans act all big just because you have women maybe for president, but in actual fact you don't give a crap!"

Sada said all this in Japanese. Nobody in the tech team spoke much Japanese. (Well, Abe-kun did, but Abe-kun's real name is Abraham, and he hugs a pillow at night.)

"<Please excuse me, honorable panty girl,>" says Abe-kun. "<But the foolish foreigners here at Megamaze do not speak the honorable language of Japan. If we might humbly suggest to your exalted self, could you speak in the foul tongue of the hairy-eyed English instead?>"

Sada frowns.

"... I guess," she says, clearly if with a moderate accent.


There's a loud POP as a man's leg leaves his hip socket. As he howls in pain, the audio mix dampens his mike as a chorus of red white and blue lights flare up in the top. "FREEDOM BONUS! DOUBLE JEOPARDY! The prize is - Authentic Reebok Pumps! Signed by Lucky Glauber!"

Sada Asai spits on the ground as she's offered /athletic shoes/. It sizzles as she aims a skirt-ruffling kick through a stack of blue plastic barrels, vaulting outwards -- to see Alexis.

Sada, warmed up by battle along the way, has a pretty angry face on. Or perhaps "cruel" would be more accurate. She's making no effort to hide the venom in her eyes or the cruelty in her lips. "'Who's next'? Don't you think it's a little arrogant to talk so big when you're about to die in agony?"

Well. THAT'S friendly.

Alexis steps to one side to let a blue plastic barrel bounces past her, turning to face in the direction from whence it flew. The other girl's aggressive posture draws a grin from the Canadian fighter - an unusual expression for the punk rocker, but she's pretty clearly fired up and quite possibly mad with power at this point. Of course, she has yet to actually really see the other side of the JOUST coin, so far...

"Bring it on, bitch! I hope you've got your bags packed, 'cause I'm about to punch your ticket home!"

As Alexis steps forward to meet Sada's challenge, dropping into a loose streetfighting stance, a screen overhead lights up and the electronic announcer chimes in once again:

"SCHOOOOLGIIIIRL CHALLENGE! WINNER RECEIVES..." There's a jingle like a slot machine turning that plays as the loot table is checked by the RNG. "AUTOGRAPHED TOOLSET BY HOWARD RUST JUNIOR!"

Alexis' face suddenly darkens, a glint of determination in her eyes - and a hint of annoyance on her lips. "Um, hello? Technically not a schoolgirl here - eh, fuck it!"

Making a dash toward Sada and skipping off the unconscious and prone form of a fallen fighter, Alexis twists around, whipping a leg upward before bringing it hammering down toward her newfound opponent's head. Her foot creates a sharp, melodic hum as it drops through the air, an effect of the girl's command of sonic chi rather than the JOUST system - though, combined, the dissonant blast to be released should the attack connect would likely be quite loud and powerful.

COMBATSYS: Sada dodges Alexis' Hammer-On.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Sada             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0           Alexis

Sada looks to the side as she's told she will win TOOLS for defeating Alexis. She sneers a little more. That's not very motivational, is it?

Then Alexis pirouettes and snaps forwards, at her. Sada answers this by spinning away, leaning back in her JOUST modules and saying as she does with a sort of sly snideness, "You aren't? Then, why are you wearing that uniform? Is it the fashion wherever you're from?"

What Sada does next is simple and perhaps corrosively subtle. GET IT? Ha ha. She wipes her forehead with one hand - and then hurls the sweat droplets thus gathered, however gruesomely, towards the other young woman's JOUST system... NOT her skin. But, if it starts breaking down...

Heh heh heh! Or so Sada thinks. "So, how hard have you found it thus far?" Sada says, circling round Alexis and raising one arm in a sort of quasi-competent guard. "You seem like you've been in a real struggle..."

COMBATSYS: Alexis blocks Sada's Glow Bomber.

[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Sada             0/-------/-------|==-----\-------\0           Alexis

"Hey, it helps sell tickets," Alexis replies with candor as she quickly shifts her feet to face toward Sada and brings her guard back up after her kick sails wide. "This is just my stage outfit!"

When the sweat is flung her way, Lexi's instinct is to get out of the way - she may not have a problem with taking a punch, or the occasional energy blast, head-on, but sweat? That's just gross. Some of the corrosive fluids catch the device that's attached to her left hand glove, though. "What's that supposed to mean? Don't think I'm anywhere close to giving out -"

As she tries shaking the hand out to deflect the moisture, her arm jerks erratically, then violently - something seems to be malfunctioning in the device, and the limb it's attached to suffers for it, bending sharply in a direction it's not meant to so hard that it almost threatens to break.

"Ffff-fuckfuckfuck!" Alexis blurts out. "What the hell did you just do?"

The punk rocker decides that, rather than wait for an answer to her question, she'll try throwing an attack that doesn't rely heavily on her left arm. Launching herself at Sada, unaware of the exact nature of the other girl's sweat, she tries to slam into her with a sonic-energy-powered flying cross-body. Should she connect, she'll swing around the other girl to try and lock an arm over her head and drop her to the ground with a Tornado DDT.

COMBATSYS: Sada blocks Alexis' Stage Dive.

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|==-----\-------\0           Alexis

Sada smirks. "Hmm? I'm sorry, I didn't do anything - are you already tearing your body apart in anxiety over the prospect of facing me?" Her arms fold with a whirr of JOUST machinery before her bosom. "Well, that's understandable... that's what they call psychosomatic, isn't it?"

And then she giggles.

Of course then Alexis throws herself at Sada with great force. Sada raises up her arms to try to block the lunging smash forwards, which unfortunately for her does not accomplish a great deal due to the JOUST reinforcement and also Alexis immediately aiming to try and get behind her.

However, it cuts both ways; the burst makes her swear viciously and also pushes her to the side enough to face Alexis, throwing up a leg in a really clumsy and skirt-ruffling block which NONETHLESS spares her the shame of receiving some kind of - of /Zig Zag/.

"I suppose," Sada says with a hint of shakiness in her voice, "You're not exactly new to this kind of fighting, are you?" And then she lunges in close to try and straddle Alexis's knee. But not the good kind of straddling like you like - her effort is to grasp one of Alexis's legs between her own, give her a huge shoulder-upper arm sort of hug, and twist.

While sweating on her. (Ew. Also, stinging.)

Also, the JOUST system whirrs angrily during this. To what effect?!

COMBATSYS: Sada successfully hits Alexis with Sparkling Abdominal Stretch.

[    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Sada             0/-------/---====|=======\-------\0           Alexis

"I'll show /you/ psychomatic," Alexis breathes during her struggle to bring Sada to the floor, which ends with the finishing touch of the attack avoided by a leg block. When Sada comes in for the leg-straddling attack, Alexis doesn't try to avoid it - she thinks she recognizes the maneuver, having adapted many over her own from wrestling, and figures she can overpower the smaller girl in the grapple.

She failed to account for three things, though:

One - Sada is sweaty, and therefore slippery and hard to get a grip on.

Two - that sweat /stings./

And thirdly - the effects of the JOUST devices. The wrenching effect on her abdomen comes much faster and much harder than the punk rocker anticipated, causing her to bend painfully in the middle.

"Son of a -bitch!-" Alexis growls, her voice straining as her stomach does. She tries to jerk herself loose from Sada's grasp, once, then twice - then, finally, with a surge of effort, she decides to risk using her free hand - the one with the fritzing JOUST device - to try and break out - by gathering her sonic chi into it and swinging it as hard as she can manage at Sada. The result is that her entire body is swung round as the JOUST unit overcharges violently, sending a high-speed but chaotic roundhouse punch toward her tormentor.

COMBATSYS: Sada dodges Alexis' Fierce Punch.

[    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Sada             0/-------/---====|=======\-------\0           Alexis

Sada pulls herself loose, putting a foot on Alexis's leg and kicking upwards, doing a moonsault in the air just as Alexis commits to the punch. Giggling while rotating, Sada says, "What's wrong? Feeling outclassed?"

"It's okay if you want to give up," Sada says, grasping onto a low-hanging piece of lighting equipment. (Which starts to creak ominously.) "I mean, I know I can be a little intimidating... and it's probably easier on your ego if you just go down another part of the maze, instead of FAILING."

Sada lets go before the light does it for her. ("Thank God," says someone in production.)

She is perhaps seeming to go for a coup de grace stomp, possibly to see if she can rebound up and do it seven more times before receiving an extra life. Instead though she twists her JOUSTed up legs, aiming to grasp Alexis by her neck and force her to the ground!

COMBATSYS: Alexis endures Sada's Sadaplata!

[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////              ]
Sada             0/-------/-======|=======\====---\1           Alexis

The heaving of Alexis' own body as Sada leaps loose of her leg leaves Lexi in a lurch. Something somewhere inside her definitely feels -wrong- after that chain of events, whether it be from the submission hold itself or the violent extraction thereof - not to mention the scathing sensation on the skin of her leg. For a moment, the punk rocker feels like she might be sick - long enough to keep her quiet under Sada's verbal barrage as she tries to steady herself and keep whatever's trying to escape her stomach contained therein.

She turns a glowering gaze upward at Sada as her roiling innards give her a moment's rest, about to fire back a reply when Sada drops from the light fixture. Alexis takes the assault full on, quickly driven to the ground by the attack with a cry of pain as the resulting JOUST-induced shockwave scatters rubble around. Rather than linger on the moment of defeat, though, Alexis immediately goes on the offensive, attempting to grab the nearest element of Sada's clothing she can (she's at least managed to figure out that skin contact burns) and drag her down with her, trying to establish a dominant position on the ground. "The scariest thing about you," Alexis seethes, "is how long it's been since you've had a bath. What did you do, roll around in a toxic dump or something?"

Surging with anger as a powerful hum builds in her fists, Alexis attempts to straddle Sada and pin her down on the ground with her left hand before throwing a rapid series of mounted, JOUST-powered right handed punches toward the other girl's face, each accompanied by the melodic trill of a different musical note.

COMBATSYS: Alexis successfully hits Sada with Beatdown in Three Four.
- Power hit! -

[                          \\\\  < >  ////////////                  ]
Sada             2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|==-----\-------\0           Alexis

Sada opens her mouth to make a witty crack.

And then instead she gets a good vulgar crack! As Alexis subjects her face to a brutally musical beat down, Sada kicks her legs hard, but really, there isn't a lot you can do in this position. She is fortunate that her acidic blood doesn't interfere with healing (THUS FAR) -- because her right eye is blackened and bruised after that barrage. Her mouth hangs open slackly.


That blood bruise ruptures in a disgusting fountain upwards. The announcer waits a moment. Just in case.

COMBATSYS: Sada can no longer fight.

[                  \\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Alexis           0/-------/-----==|

COMBATSYS: Sada successfully hits Alexis with Haemolacria.

[                         \\\\\  <
Alexis           0/-------/=======|

In her adrenalin and pain-fueled rage, Alexis might have forgotten to account for the effects of the kinetic enhancement from the JOUST system and neglected to hold back for safety - though, luckily, the systems are supposed to keep that from being an issue. Somehow. As with most lectures, Alexis failed to pick up much from Professor Fightenstein's explanation of how it works. She's got her fist cocked back to deliver another blow as the inexplicable explosions and ringing in the air fade from her senses - only to realise that Sada is already out of it. Or at least, she seems to be. Alexis looks up toward the announcement system, breathing a sigh of relief - only to get sprayed in the face by the caustic blood.

"Holy --"

Even despite the graphic nature of this event, the broadcast for viewers at home censors the stream of profanity that follows from the young Canadian. Scrambling off of Sada, hands trying to wipe at her face, she charges at BLITZing speed away - straight toward a wall of the maze! -

COMBATSYS: Alexis takes no action.

[                       \\\\\\\  <
Alexis           1/-----==/=======|

COMBATSYS: Alexis has reached second wind!

[                       \\\\\\\  <
Alexis           1/-----==/=======|

- but perhaps unfortunately for the singer, she manages to barely avoid being sent into oblivion's sweet embrace by colliding with the hard surface. Instead, she slumps against the wall, resting her head in her hands and sobbing.

It's been an emotional endeavour. She probably isn't just crying because it hurts so bad.

"It hurts so bad," Alexis whines as the announcement finishes:


With that, Alexis slumps into the fetal position, weeping quietly. She's... probably not in the running to win the race at this point.

COMBATSYS: Alexis has ended the fight here.

Log created on 19:54:48 05/25/2015 by Sada, and last modified on 06:06:13 05/26/2015.