SNF 2015.04 - BLITZ: Kalinka

Description: A battle in Red Square pleases Comrade Putin. As the Red Army Choir sings, can it be found just how many kicks it takes to break open a small girl with a bad attitude? (The answer is six, seven if you factor in a feint.)


Place of crime and terror... or a new city on the rise, as the BRICs rise to overthrow the big dollar and its world hegemony? Who is to say? It is not clear to Eunha, but what is clear is that Moscow is a pretty shady place.

And also, perhaps, out of her paygrade. This place is dirty as hell, but PFW seems to be playing it straight here, other than showing off this fancy pants "Blitz Arena," which Eunha isn't quite buying. Nonetheless she has observed, disconsolately nibbling at some of the food from the McDonald's in Red Square, but now it seems...

Things are ready.

"Christ, a chorus?" Eunha complains as she's zipped up into the BLITZ ring equipment necessary for this particular adventure in showy explosions. In her case it resembles traditional TKD padding - gloves, wrist covers, leg greaves, etc. (Convenient!) Either way, she climbs into the OCTAGON, stretching with agitated vigor.

"I wonder," she murmurs to herself, "what the hell they meant by... 'Tennis Style'."

And where was her opponent?

The arrival of Momo is herald by the sound of a helicopter. The Mil Mi-24 suddenly surges overhead, roaring aloud as the choir stands by. The military copter lowers down, coming to a touch down right within the ring. The blades whirling up a storm of dust, it tilts over, as the passenger doors open.

And there, Momo was with her good friend, Vladimir Putin.

"And that's why, Mister Pwootin, I think that Belarus really does have it coming!" The little girl says, holding a tennis racket in her hands. Momo was dressed in long-legged striped stockings of orange and white, and wearing a tennis dress and tennis shoes upon her feet. She was too cloying, too cute, standing only at about 4 and a half feet tall.

And to that, the president of Russia and his entourage burst out in laughter.

"You really have helped us think a lot about what to do in the next few months, little girl!" Putin says, tossling Momo's hair. "I should give you top quality arms deal! Gorin High can use lots of Surface To Air Missiles and AK-74s, da?" Momo giggles cheerfully. "No way, Mr. Pwutin! All I need is some candy!" Putin smiles again, giving Momo a little piece of candy as the young lady hops out of the helicopter, and into the OCTAGON. Already, she was equipped with the BLITZ system. Of course, hers looked a lot more... experimental. And adorable. It had a Hello Kitty symbol on it even. Momo skips out of the helicopter, which swiftly lifts into the air.

And she looks across at the woman opposite to her.

"Hewwo Miss Officer Lady!" She says, putting a finger in the corner of her mouth idly, the tennis racket held in the other hand. "I'm Momo Karuizawa of Gorin High! I'm just as pleased as a pwum to be fighting a nice old lady like yourself!" She giggles a bit, twisting her foot shyly. "I'm sowwy if I made you wait! I was just having some special time with my fwiends!" Her blush marks, which have yet to fade, continue to burn as she skips a little bit closer. "Golly gee, you have a lot of protection!" She coos.

"Are you afwaid that I will hurt you?"

COMBATSYS: Eunha has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Eunha            0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Momo has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Momo             0/-------/-======|-------\-------\0            Eunha

Eunha watches the helicopter and its cargo of a horrible murderer who has mutilated entire nations for the sake of shoring up opinion polls - and also Vladimir Putin - sweeps in. Her face is set as she finishes her stretching, her hair ruffling in the breeze.

Then Momo dismounts, with her racket and stripey tennis clothing of various sorts. Eunha looms over her... and she isn't very tall.

Eunha answers Momo's greeting with a bow. It's a respectful, genuine one... which lingers, slowly, as Momo goes from an introduction to a dig on her apparent age to a blushy burning remark and then a ridiculously cutesy accent.

Eunha's glasses fog faintly, just for a moment. But just a moment, after all.

"Ha ha! You sure have some funny ideas, Karuizawa," Eunha says. Raising up one leg, she gives herself a pat on the shin bone. "No, though, these aren't here to protect me from you!"

But then what are they for? Eunha answers this by taking a small, birdlike hop forwards and then letting her leg blur out into three bone-crunchingly powerful kicks aimed towards Momo's general sternum-zone, whipping out with enough force to make the JOUST system produce linear streaks of green and red light as well as titanic FWOOMs!

COMBATSYS: Eunha successfully hits Momo with T-Bone.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Momo             0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0            Eunha

Momo just continues to smile cutely as Eunha approaches.

"Hm hm hm, la la la" She sing-songs to herself, as Eunha pats herself. Shaking her arms around, she begins to move with incredible, uncertain speed as the BLITZ systems begin to burn. As Eunha takes her leap forward, Momo gasps. "Oh no! We are starting?" She questions loudly, in a high-pitched voice so EVERYONE can hear. And like that, Eunha hurls out three, bone-shattering kicks right into Momo's tiny frame. The explosions rupture out in deep bass, as the choir almost begins to sing. But not quite, as a cascade of gasps and murmurs come over the crowd. AS the final kick comes, Momo hits the ground HARD, landing flat on her back.

And what does Momo do next?

Momo slowly begins a deep whine. Reaching an apex of shrill, shrieking tone, it collapses into steady sobs, heaving heavily. Legs on the ground under her, she sits upright on the side of her hips, rubbing her eyes with one hand as she sobs so strongly. Her tennis racket lays on her lap, where she holds one hand on it. "I think you bwoke my skeletwon!" She cries out loudly, as she continues to cry. And there is a roar overhead.

The helicopter.

The helicopter wasn't leaving the airspace now.

It was just lingering nearly, above the OCTAGON, as Momo continues to bawl.

COMBATSYS: Momo takes no action.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Momo             0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0            Eunha

Eunha settles back - and sees she has managed to brutalize a small child into agonized tears.

Fortunately, a Japanese child. Settling into a more neutral stance, she does take the time to let Momo sob it out, but when she starts talking about 'her skeleton,' Eunha scoffs. "Come on!" she says. "I realize you're young, but you have to push through the pain. If you've really broken a bone, we'll call -"

Eunha's eyes turn upwards, towards the loitering helicopter.

Eunha's lips tighten.

Eunha says something else but it is, for the moment, drowned out by the presence of Vladimir Putin. Can Momo rally thanks to her bestest buddy, Mr. Pootie!?

COMBATSYS: Eunha takes no action.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Momo             0/-------/-======|=------\-------\0            Eunha

Momo immediately stops the crying as Eunha turns her back.

As the helicopter hangs overhead, distracting Eunha with the moment of dread that only Putin could bring, Momo finds an opening. Oh, getting punched in the chest was like being hit by a garbage truck. But those tears? Crocodile tears. Gripping the tennis racket tightly, she surges forward. "You big bully!" She blurts out as she makes the lunge.

Right for the back of Eunha's knees.

Clutching her racket, Momo attempts to shove it hard into the back of Eunha's legs. Not to hurt her, no. But to trip her down to the ground. An insidious strike, well and ready to flip Eunha face down. And should Eunha hit the ground? Momo would leap right up into the air, putting her legs right on the edge of her racket like Scrooge McDuck searching for treasure on the Moon.

And she would land, racket first, right into Eunha's neck.

COMBATSYS: Eunha fails to counter Throat Racket from Momo with Four Way Pileup.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Momo             0/-------/=======|====---\-------\0            Eunha

Eunha tenses up, about to unleash hell in reply!

Her knee is taken out from underneath her with a shuddering BOOM! Thrust downwards, the racket flips her forwards, grinding Eunha's face into the mat of the OCTAGON, even as Momo throws herself up, bouncing downwards to smash her right in the thick of the neck. There's a huge GHKK--

But also a flash of blue light and an explosion that keeps this from being fatal. Rolling onto her back, Eunha gasps for breath - an advantage, but perhaps not another mutilated corpse for the sake of the slayer's skull-throne. /yet/

An advantage, you say?

As Momo unleashes the explosive spike, the helicopter rises up into the sky. Putin, it seemed, was just making sure his precious little princess wasn't -too- badly hurt. Momo waves at her good friend Putin, before turning back to the downed woman. "Daaaaw. I thought your pwecious padding was to keep me safe!" She coos, as she skips back over to Eunha. Coyly, hoisting her racket on her shoulder, the little girl promptly begins to try and kick Eunha while she is down. Again and again. But not at her neck, not at her arms. Not even her head. But somewhere else, somewhere much more significant, especially when compared to the horrible three-hit combo unleashed at the beginning.

"Is that padding on your chest too?"

COMBATSYS: Eunha auto-guards Momo's Heavy Kick.

[         \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Momo             1/-------/=======|====---\-------\0            Eunha

The brutal kick hits Eunha right in the chest. Hard. There's a THUMP.

Her lips pull back from her teeth in a grin. "Little shit," she murmurs, before jerking up her knee abruptly, aiming to lock it underneath Momo's own! The other leg of the taekwondoista pushes her upwards smoothly, the momentary leg lock possibly slipping loose as a sparkling wave of red rises behind Eunha.

Of course, Momo's stumpy little lolita gam may not be enough to avoid this fate. If not, once fully upright, Eunha sweeps her leg around - hopefully hucking Momo right into the ring ropes in a burst of surging red firecrackerlike bursts.

"What was that about padding?" she calls, 'helpfully.'

COMBATSYS: Eunha successfully hits Momo with Medium Throw.

[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Momo             1/-------/=======|====---\-------\0            Eunha

"How wude!"

That was the statement as the little girl's legs are entanged in Eunha's own. "What a big bully! Did your daddy not love you when you were growing up?" She asks coyly, as the high-kicking officer scoops up the little girl, snapping her up before she can slip away. The eruptions of energy are nothing, as Momo is hurled straight towards the ropes. Smashing into them hard, she gets caught in them, winding into them in painful contortions as her racket drops to the ground. Sweetly, she calls straight back.

"Or maybe he loved you two much, uguu~"

Untangling herself from the ropes, she bends down to scoop up her racket, and returns to skipping right for the officer. "Lin Lin Tra-la-la, Lin!' She sing songs, shaking her hands in the air as she trounces along. Kicking a heel in the air, a tennis ball suddenly bounces up from her skirt. Spinning in the air, the little girl winds back her racket, her other hand pointing at Eunha. "30-Love! Or I guess in your case, 45ish-Loveless?" She coos, as she practically -smashes- the ball, serving it straight towards Eunha's face.

All with a smile, of course.

COMBATSYS: Eunha dodges Momo's Whale Serve.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Momo             1/-------/=======|====---\-------\0            Eunha

Eunha stares at Momo with slowly dawning disbelief, pushing her glasses back up her nose with a minor "pow!" of energetic force. "Who the hell taught you to talk like this...? Does Gorin High have an elective in talking sh -"


Eunha's face! That's where she keeps her /brains/. It's also where she keeps her eyes; she is able to bob low and lean to the left, the served ball whizzing past her and possibly striking someone in the chorus, who are now kicking into the third verse of the Soviet national anthem. Looking back to Momo, Eunha says, "You're not a novice at all. What are you, some kind of murderous person with dwarfism?"


"Don't say 'midget'. They hate the M Word. Little or small person is acceptable if you're in a hurry, but in most cases the best possible solution is to refer to them as a person suffering from their particular syndrome, such as a person with dwarfism, or a person whose shins were removed by the Japanese," Eunha Sin says to an assemblage of bored cops.


Eunha advances on the terror that is Momo. She matches her words with action, in this case a wrist-shattering snap kick at Momo's wrist which turns into an additional bonus twisting axe kick at her slim, graceful, marketable shoulder.

COMBATSYS: Momo fails to deflect No Talking Or Texting from Eunha with Rocket Return.

[                      \\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Momo             0/-------/-------|====---\-------\0            Eunha

The smile fades as that ball misses.

"Ugh, Fault! Re-serve!" She calls out, stamping her feet. And with that, Eunha makes a comment on her height? "I'm not a dwarf! I'm perfectly petite! Pwutin called me a little sister! I cheer him up, and give him lots of energy! He was even willing to play the pop up pirate game with me!"

That Putin boy just ain't right.

As she brags about her special friend, Eunha was advancing upon Momo. Hurtling in with a snap kick right towards Momo's delicate wrist, Momo attempts to respond by smashing her racket right into Eunha's face. And it -nearly- works, with only a minor problem: Momo's wrist is needed in order to smash faces. Instead, Momo's wrist is broken as she gasps. As the second axe kick comes, Momo's shoulder is dislocated, as the little girl is sent straight to the ground again, landing in to the ground with a rather loud POMF. Laying there for a second, she seems unconscious... until the device on her wrist gives her a violent jolt. Momo spasms, sitting up to look up at Eunha, mouth in a big O shape :o! And then, with an explosion, she responds.


That is the shrill sobbing that comes from the little girl again. Holding the racket right with her hand with the broken wrist, she just breaks down. The shrieking cries are magnified, thanks to the BLITZ system, to be equal to 10 average upset babies, or a single baby mario seperate from its yoshi. Kicking her legs, she falls on her back. Momo was in full painful tantrum mode. From the sidelines, someone from the Russian choir steps forward, holding a single hand to his chest. And there, he sings in a bold tenor.

"She's up all night 'til the sun ...~"

Feeling the tender bones of a child crunch underneath her brutality makes Eunha pause.

Not to feel guilt, exactly, but to stomp the floor with a shower of yellow curlicues as Momo is temporarily disabled. "What the hell is this equipment--?! If this wasn't Russia, you'd be more open to a lawsuit than an ambulance chaser!" she shouts towards the observing science people.

But then Momo bursts back awake - and screams. Eunha's eyes water. Her lips pull into a tight and toothsome grimace. As Momo unleashes a sonic assault comparable to the horrors of the great patriotic war, Eunha resolves to press forwards, stepping ahead to close the distance.

'She's up all night, for good fun -'

She's close enough now.

'She's up all night, to get Lucky o/~'

But Lucky Glauber isn't here at all, Eunha thinks as she twists an arm around to get Momo into a neck hold. A gentle one, relatively speaking.

Is this the end... of lovable Momo?

COMBATSYS: Momo dodges Eunha's Medium Throw.

[                      \\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////////  ]
Momo             0/-------/-------|====---\-------\0            Eunha

"Don't touch me meanie!"

That is what the tiny little girl belts out as Eunha comes for the kill. This was not to be the end of the Lovable Momo, for there was no end to the Momo. All would begin with Momo. The Momo would endure. The Momo would strengthen. And above all, Momo would be the alpha, the Omega.

Momo would be the One.

Slipping out of the coup de grace grips of the cop, Momo shows that her legs were still effective. Tumbling upright, she suddenly positions herself on the flanks of her attacker. Putting her hands up, she immediately states. "Hands Up! Don't Shoot! Or are you from Ferguson or something?" Without missing a beat, Momo then tries to give Eunha a swift, flare-lit kick in her can. Not her cans, but her buttocks.

"We're up all night till the sun~"

"We're up all night to get some~"

COMBATSYS: Momo successfully hits Eunha with Light Kick.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////        ]
Momo             0/-------/------=|=======\-------\0            Eunha

"What the hell did you just say?!" Eunha says with sudden fury when Momo namedrops Ferguson. But it seems that the power of Officer Darren Wilson is with Momo, doubtless sensing her potency in the Dark Side of the Force.

Or something. She's certainly given the older woman a swift kick in /her/ dark side, which does not seem to have the same ironclad resistance as her forward radomes. Maybe Momo just got behind her, or maybe it's from the lack of padding there - in a proper TKD match, after all, you would be pretty screwed if someone could hit your butt directly, anyway.

THROWN ACROSS THE OCTAGON, Eunha rebounds off the ropes, stumbling to the doubtless amusement of Vladimir Putin.

'She's up all night to get lucky~'

Narrowing her eyes, Eunha approaches, crouching down low almost to the point of crab-walking as she nears Momo. She rises up, ducks back down again - and feints a rising kick as she comes back up, done bobbing like a wave it seems. But this kick, if Momo does nothing, will pass harmlessly across her adorable hairstyle. That's because it's a feint -

For the second kick, punctuated by a titanic blue-white flare of light, aimed towards Momo's precious kneecap!

COMBATSYS: Eunha successfully hits Momo with Pothole Buster.

[                                < >  //////////////////////        ]
Momo             0/-------/------=|=======\=------\1            Eunha

And Momo owns Eunha's saggy bottom.

Giving her a swift punt, Momo giggles. "Whoopsie!" She apologizes, swapping hands for her racket as she starts toying with her cheek. She suddenly winces, yelping in pain. "Oh god my wrist!" She exclaims, cringing. "Oh no, am I never gonna play tennis again?" She asks, as Eunha hits the ropes.

Meanwhile, in the helicopter?

Vladimir Putin is watching on the television, far away from the Red Square. He is currently topless, eating a bucket of American Fried Chicken fixed squarely in his lap. Grease is smear on places of his chest and abdomen, likely from the chicken itself. On the screen, it shows Momo kicking Eunha far away. There is no sound. He takes his remote, pausing it. And then, rewinds. And then, zooming in, right on Momo, as she unleashes a skirt flipping high kick into the back of Eunha's bottom.

Putin smiles, as he reaches into the bucket of chicken again.

"We're up all night to get lucky~" Is what the choir continues to sing, as Momo is still struggling with her broken body. As Eunha crouch-walks, Momo turns towards her opponent, the little girl's eyes wide. "Wuh oh!" She squeaks, as she ducks under the rising kick... that doesn't come. Instead, when the REAL kick comes, in explodes right into her knees. The little girl squeaks again as she flips head over heels. Her skirt flipping up again.

Somewhere, Putin is heard laughing.

And like that, Momo lands back to earth, face down, panties up in the air. Momo is not getting up this time, as her racket lands with a clatter by the tennis star. Momo was gone, real gone. Her eyes are inexplicitably wing-dings, which is incredibly adorable.

The fact her lower leg is facing opposite of what her knee should allow though?

Significantly less adorable.

COMBATSYS: Momo takes no action.

[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Eunha            1/------=/=======|

COMBATSYS: Momo can no longer fight.

[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Eunha            1/------=/=======|

'Will I never play tennis again!?'

God, I hope so, Eunha thinks.

Eunha isn't a really nice person.

As the crushed Momo collapses, Eunha rises to her feet - and tosses her head back with an explosive puff of breath. "That'll teach you to act like a poor sportswoman. Work on your attitude, kid! You've got potential... but so does a rock on the top of a building!"

She puts her hands on her hips.

The resulting blast smashes her into the octagon ropes, tangling her up. Even as Vladimir Putin watches, she thrashes, curses, and generally raises a fuss until the BLITZ system is deactivated, the medical teams summoned along with the hose crew who will doubtless rinse off all the blood...

And so, the winner is Russia. But can the BLITZ system overcome J___ C___?

COMBATSYS: Eunha has ended the fight here.

Log created on 23:33:43 04/03/2015 by Eunha, and last modified on 18:53:54 04/05/2015.