Trouble in Paradise - TIP - Week 2 - Hunting for Mermaids

Description: At long last -- that is, after about a week -- Zack has gone mad with power. Borrowing Lee's yacht, he has set sail to cruise around the vicinity of Zack Island in search of mermaids, who rumors say sun themselves upon the rocks. That Zack's underlings spread this rumor does not seem to be of concern to him. Needless to say, participants are invited to lounge and play on the deck of the yacht or float peacefully in its vicinity as it slowly circles the island. But what lurks beneath the gentle waves? If a man cannot find a mermaid, perhaps he can create one.

The good ship Excellent drifts gently through the waves, the tropical sun beaming down bright upon its wide and luxurious deck. The yacht has begun its lazy circuit around Zack Island, having departed Niki Marina a short time ago, and with this begun, ostensibly, its quest. It is a quixotic quest, but noble, one born of an eternal manful wish: to encounter an increasingly diverse selection of babes.

And if there is any true representative of this living dream, it is Captain King 'Zacksellent' Zack, who stands perched atop the prow as though he were the figurehead, one foot up on the railing. His proud stance reveals the full glory of his outfit: a white captain's hat is kept pinned down by his kingly crown which he wears over it, the wind blowing back a dramatic cape to show his Speedo, patterned like a disco ball. Commander Captain King Zack is inimitable. But in case his pose remains not quite epic enough, it is supplemented by the sound of a trumpet, playing more or less on key.

The trumpet is being played by an orangutan wearing swimtrunks.

"Thank you, Secretary Griswold," Zack says magnanimously to the orangutan.

"Ook! Oooook!"

As for those who have followed along on Zozo's Bizarre Adventure, there is plenty to do. The sightseeing off the railing offers a ravishing view of the island as a whole as the yacht circles, and the slow movement of the ship and its proximity to land makes the water subdued enough that taking small rafts to float in the vicinity is a relaxing option. Sunbathing on the deck, of course, is available, as are an on-board pool and hot tub for those who would prefer to stay on the yacht. And, necessarily, there is an on-deck open bar. Okay, it's not really an open bar, but it takes Zack Dollars, and if you want more Zack Dollars, just ask the orangutan.

It is the perfect picture of sensuous tranquility.

There are no mermaids in sight.


Johnny Cage is here, wearing a pair of khaki shorts, an Italian beach polo, and Argentinian flip-flops, clutching a big ass tropical drink in one hand and telling stories to those that wish to lavish attention upon him. He's been thoroughly enjoying himself so far on Zack Island; he has to admit, this Zack knows how to organize a party and a tournament rolled into one. Despite the...intensity of Johnny's last tag team match, he continues to womanize, get crunk and surf with his usual reckless movie star abandon.

" that's when he goes 'Wait, Johnny, I think the adrenaline goes on the RIGHT side of the torso'!" He pauses to laugh. "And that's basically me and Clooney's Christmas party."

This expedition is rather absurd and aimless. It's clearly an attempt to make ridiculous fun at the hands of an overly dramatic man that seems to find traditional style a direct insult to his sensibilities and require everything to be as 'Funky' as possible. Despite all of that, Ryu Hayabusa has somehow agreed to tag along. It may have something to do with the fact that he and Zack seem to be on friendly terms despite being absolutely nothing alike.

However, the Master Ninja/Curio Shop Owner seems to have taken this opportunity not to sell his wares to the people enjoying the cruise, so much as partake in one of his more relaxing hobbies: Fishing

He stands at the back of the boat, having been returned to the 'appropriate clothing' by the wardrobe department that they inform him he has agreed to wear as part of the contract. Today it's a white hawaiian shirt covered in golden suns, worn completely unbuttons, and a white speedo. Someone in the wardrobe department really doesn't want him covering up the incredibly toned body formed by martial training.

As for his fishing gear, it's very traditional. His bamboo rod has a simple line attached to it with no reel, he simply holds the gossamer line with his left hand while the pole is secured by the right.

COMBATSYS: Walter has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Walter           0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Walter has ended the fight here.

Operation: Find The Rampaging Monster has thus far been a failure for one Father Walter. By now, the man has his doubts on whether he /will/ find the culpret. But on this most gloriously warm day, yet another mission of great import calls to the pious warrior!

Mermaids. He laughed when he heard the idea. It is exactly the sort of thing he has come to expect of the most illustrious Island Ruler, and so, he's come along for the ride. After all, who knows. There's already a dragon on board, after all.

The smiling priest stands out, as ever: still stubbornly in his vestments and white cloak. At the very least, he's let his hair down, now spilling around him in slightly disorganized locks. The open-air bar is currently being inspected for the piety of its booze, as he nurses a yellow mixed drink with savor and zest. His contact-lensed eyes search the waters more than the guests as he sips.

Walking over to the railing of the ship, leaning on one hand, he takes a deep breath of fresh sea air.

"So beautiful. One could get lost in the beauty of the water. Are you out there, sea-dwelling maidens? Or are you not maidens, but unholy temptresses, waiting to dash dreams and lives upon the rocks as the sirens of olde?" Wonders the priest aloud to no one in particular. The man keeps his long case near at hand. A sigh escapes him.

"I wonder if plying sirens with rum is a valid pacification tactic." Surely evil mermaids can't have high alcohol tolerance.

Fact: Alice already has more Zack Dollars than she will ever need at the bar.

Fact: This isn't stopping her from spending them.

Taking advantage of the lax regulations of Zack Island and the complete lack of a legal drinking age (or, at least, nobody has ever asked her her age as long as she's wearing a swimsuit), Alice is holding a margarita. It is not her first.

"There's not going to be any mermaids," Alice informs anyone who is close enough to listen. She is sitting on a lounge chair that is probably meant for sunbathing, and in fact that's what she was using it for earlier. Her natural paleness is starting to become a little tanned, in fact - not much, she's pretty good about the sunscreen, but enough to give her a healthy glow.

Today she is wearing a different bikini as part of 'Team Wildcat'. It has tiger stripes. It is all she is wearing, aside from her her hat and the bandanna she has wrapped around her bicep. She switches which bicep it's on daily to not have a lopsided tan and today it's on her left. "Seriously," she says, "there are not any mermaids. Here. ANywhere. But at least the boat's cool. Or is it a ship? What's the difference, I don't know."

First, it was a party on the island. Now it's a party on the decks of a cruise ship? "I tell ya what, Natsu," said Sakura earlier, as she was preparing for the party alongside her teammate, in their cottage, "this guy is like... almost like a stereotype. I mean... private islands, cruise ship... I'm half expecting that there's a drug operation hidden underneath the island and that this Zack guy has a fake hand and a cadre of girl martial artist guards..."

Slipping her fighting gloves into her shoulder bag, she adds, "Maybe we'll end up having to fight Bolo Yeung...?" She grins, adjusting the fit of her sunflower-printed sundress, then slips her shoulder bag on. "Well, I'm ready..."

And now here she is, wandering the deck, looking around, noting the faces that are familiar and some that aren't all that familiar. Out of concession to the party theme, she's wearing a pair of sandals, not her Chucks. "Man, I wish Hina-chan could see this. Brett better be treating her right."

Azumi...has never been on a boat before. Scratch that. She'd been on a non-moving boat. She'd been on a boat made to travel to a place. But on a boat, completely for relaxation? That is a new one. Unlike...pretty much every single other person here, she seemed to be a little out of place on the ship, having taken a quiet spot at the end of vehicle, seeming to look out over the water, avoiding the party that seemed to be going on.

She does wear somewhat appropriate clothing for this excursion though, which boil down to shorts and a loose shirt, chosen more so for comfort...and her tail, than anything else. She drapes her arms out over the edge of the boat and toys with the fur on the sides of her fingers while she seems to be mentally processing a few things. "I hope this stuff washes off eventually."

There's something to be said for being able to run around in practically nothing and get away with it. And this is the sort of thing that's right up Benimaru Nikaido's street! He didn't get those ROCKIN' ABS just to run around in winter coats and thick sweaters. ABSOLUTELY NOT! That in mind-- and also for the sake of their team name, Benimaru is wearing a leopard-print speedo... and not much else other than sunglasses and flip flops. Doesn't even have the decency to put an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt with a loud, tacky pattern on over it. NOPE! He didn't cultivate those abs to not show them off!

He's got a drink in hand, and he's standing near Alice, leaning on a nearby railing. His hair's down at the moment, since there's no need to get all 'charged up'. There is, however, plenty of wonderful scenery,including his teammate! Alice's mention of there being no mermaids gets a thoughtful sound from him. "I wouldn't be so sure. I almost got my face ripped off by a sharkwoman. I just hope THAT'S not their idea of mermaids. Once was QUITE enough, thank you." Coincidentally, he'd been wearing about the same amount of clothes that time, too.

Sada Asai is in her usual bikini, which she bought several versions of, despite the defilement visited upon it by the dark hand of Dr. Richard Tran's brother. Or was it Dr. Richard Tran himself who was trying to flash her goodies on camera? It's not clear whether or not Dr. Richard Tran is in fact a sex maniac and pervert, but one thing is for sure: Questions remain about Dr. Richard Tran.

Sada has not been bustling around and causing problems on the boat. Instead she's acquired a delightful refreshing treat, in which a block of cylindrical ice has been painted with fruit juice, with about two shots of vanilla liqueur in a hollow center. Sada hasn't yet bitten open the fragile 'plug' that would let her drain it into her mouth, instead having chosen to refresh herself with it.

"Yeah," she agrees with Alice. "Mermaids are made up. It's like reindeer." After a long popsicle moment, she adds, "You should get one of these."

"Yeeeee haw!"

That comes the cry from Lightning Spangles, as she stands along right next to her Hoedown Dillo... who was not dressed up. Instead, Johnny Cage was in his causal 'man about the island' wear. It made... well, it made the actress, dressed in her full cowgirl outfit, feel just a bit self-conscious. It isn't like she owned any other clothing. Jezebel didn't deserve to wear proper clothing. And as Johnny Cage finishes his story.... Lightning Spangles joins in laughing with him.
R"Oh wow, Johnny, you're just so funny!"

"I know," Johnny answers Jezebel, smirking. It dawns on him a few seconds later he forgot his own Dillo outfit. "Oh, wow, hey I am...SO sorry, Jez. I totally forgot about the, you know, the dillo thing. I mean, I heard, yacht, mermaids, peach bellinis...really, I apologize." He points his index fingers at her with his thumbs up. "Next party, I'll remember it. I promise. Hey, I might actually have the nose somewhere around here."

Also at the aft end of the yacht is the current Kasagi-B branch's youngest member, Jira. In her newly acquired swimsuit (with a fashionable, white towel wrapped around her waist for modesty, reaching to her knees and open on the left hip) that her partner had mysteriously acquired, along with blocky sunglasses and a straw hat one wouldn't expect outside of east asia, tied to her chin. She was keeping an eye on her teammate, hoping that this new girl didn't bowl over the rail and fall in.

However, her teammate isn't the front of her attention, no. It is the man looking so out of place and fishing, that has her attention. She's having a hard time wondering whether to move closer and strike up conversation, or stay wh- no. That'd be creepy to just stare. She walks up to Hayabusa Ryu, out of arm's reach, and peers over to see where the end of his line is.

Alice Nakata has a ton of swimsuits, you don't even know, Sada.

"You must've been drunk," she says to her partner. She's a lot happier with him than Testament, truthfully; he sets off her creep-o-meter about five orders of magnitude less. And he's still hot, which was admittedly part of her requirements. "I don't know about shark people either."

Though given there's someone in very good wolf makeup over there... Alice leans toward Sada. "Check out the furry, though. - Where'd you get it, anyway? I would totally go for one of those. Once I finish my drink. I had some stuff earlier but it wasn't the same."

Dr. Richard Tran is, in fact, a sex maniac and pervert. He is also here.

Currently, he is standing by the railing by himself, fiddling with his phone. Specifically, he is sending a text to someone named 'AD', containing the message, 'lol im texting myself'.

A few seconds later, his phone buzzes as he receives a new message, consisting of, 'OMG ITS SO WEIRD AHHAHAHAHAH'.

Apparently sufficiently amused, he slides his phone into the pocket of his board shorts - seafoam green today - and turns his attention to the crowd. Within seconds, he finds his target; one Sada Asai. He sets of across the deck of the ship immediately, slipping dextrously between two waitstaffers so he can come up from behind her, rather than in her line of sight. The last thing he needs is for her to see him and run, or, even worse, start hocking acidic loogies everywhere.

"Miss Asai!" he calls, once he's only a few steps from her; his face is a mask of contrition. "I was hoping you'd be here. I am /so sorry/ for what that jackass did!"

Alice and Benimaru get the Priest's attention. The priest turns, and smiles.

"Not one to believe in myths and legend, Miss? Even /if/ this is merely a show for us all, if the previous events are any indication, we shall certainly see something interesting." The priest laughs a touch, taking a moment to offer smiles to first Alice, then Beni, and finally Sada. His drink tips up and to the side as he makes the sign of the cross at the trio. Then he downs the drink with indecent haste. Ice follows, and then it's back to the bar for another. Blue mixer this time, worked on as a parched man fresh from the desert. But the mention of 'furry' has the priest scanning the crowd. He pauses, stopping mid sip as he gazes at Azumi with sudden interest. It lasts for a good ten seconds, before he goes back to drinking...and now trying to keep the tailed being in his peripheral vision.

Despite being quiet and shy before the cameras, Natsu's actually been pulling in a decent amount of ratings for her dynamic showing against Vanessa and Ramon. The Gorin High volleyball star is currently dressed in a black two-piece swimsuit trimmed with yellow, and she's following along behind Sakura -- quiet, and shy, for the most part. All these grownups here have her spooked -- she doesn't want to say anything that would cause her to get in a fight when everyone's playing -nice-, after all. Like Sakura, she's got on sandals, but unlike Sakura, the tall amazonesque volleyball player can't exactly hide in the crowd.

"... I doubt..." She bites off her comment, not wanting to talk badly of Brett when there could be a camera present. Heck, she's not wanting to talk about -anyone- right now, with that risk a given. Once Dr. Richard Tran's voice is heard, she wants to talk -even less-... though she does note that he's trying to snag the attention of Sada Asai. "Saku-chan, that's... that's our other opponent tomorrow. Do you know anything about her?"

Sada tells Alice, "I forget. The bar? They're free." She then decides to slurp all the meltwater off of it, even as --

There he is. Dr. Richard Tran.

Sada's mouth is full, preventing her from giving what is totally Dr. Richard Tran a sassy remark. She does sit upright, though, and her eyes narrow to slits. She pulls the popsicle out of her mouth after a little wiggling, before stating to him, "You've got a lot of nerve, Dick."

That is, of course, the proper short name of Dr. Richard Tran, noted sex offender.

Her eyes cut towards Alice ("What furry, huh?") and then to... a priest? Walter gets a baffled look. "I like your costume," she decides on.

"Hm? Uh..." She glances Sada's way and then shakes her head.

"No, not really. I've seen the name on some results lists before I think but I've never really seen any highlight footage or anything. That other girl, though, Tiffany? I've seen a couple of her Neo League fights, she's pretty good. We'll probably have to work pretty hard again," comments the Flower of Ansatsuken, as she leads Natsu over to the refreshments. Thinking with her stomach, naturally. This does of course lead them closer to Sada and Tran.

"Actually I was at a photo shoot, she broke in and started ripping heads off," Benimaru replies quite unironically to Alice's mention of having been drunk. "Fact, I WISH I'd been drunk, maybe I could have convinced myself it was a bad dream brought on by that very bender." He does smirk, though. Perhaps in spite of his usual modus operandi of making as big a spectacle of himself as possible, he isn't trying to get Alice's attention on this subject. Maybe because he knows it's a major thing he's talking about!

Walter, though, wandering over, gets his attention. The talk of 'seeing something interesting' gets a smirk. And he notes, "You're absolutely right; though there's already plenty here to catch my attention." He may or may not be looking at Alice out of the corner of his eye when he says that. And it's not just her, either. There's quite a bit of eyecandy here. Though he's going to watch it, because he doesn't want to get thrown overboard.

"Over there," Alice says, voice low, gesturing with her drink in the general direction of Azami. "There was a girl in catgirl costume leading the dancing last time, too. And now he's looking for mermaids. I wonder if our host has a thing for that?"

Straightening up, she returns to a more normal voice. "Well, maybe," she says to Walter, because she's feeling generous, "but I don't think bringing a giant boat out here would be the way to find them, even if there were any to find."

Dr. Tran arrives. Alice glances at him but doesn't pay him much mind anyway. She took advantage of the Internet to look up Tran's fighting record after last week, and it turned out he's like thirty. No thanks. She does not seem like she's going to throw Benimaru overboard, though, so apparently at least /some/ people are allowed to look. "You're making it up," she says to him, grinning enough that it doesn't seem like she's seriously upset by it.

It's more than high time that Caoimhe Delaney took some time off from this 'vacation' after the fiasco that became of the Hoedown showdown. Being on the deck of the ship alongside Spangles after that relative disaster just seems a little too much for the soldier right now. Instead, she is beneath the waves near the boat, dressed in a black wetsuit and scuba gear as she explores the waters surrounding Zack Island.

Perhaps she herself is searching for one of the mythical mermaids purported to dwell in the waters. Or perhaps her dark form moving through the ocean might be mistaken for a mermaid. In any case, the woman seems somewhat naturally at home in the water, moving amongst the fish with ease.

The truth, of course, is that she is scouting the area for future reference in case of an emergency. But it's still almost as relaxing for the woman as grinding gunpowder and building bombs!

None of the alcohol or talk of mermaids is any particular concern to Hayabusa. Quite honestly, he wasn't entirely a good fit for a wild beach party, given his perference for peaceful activities and nature following the overwhelming excitement and violence of his normal life. Following a dragout battle that resulted in the destruction of the island's Roller Disco, he's more than content to take the opportunity to recenter himself through the simple act of fishing.

Which he seems to have been fairly successful at thus far. One of relationship boosting coolers from the Zack of All Trades store rests on the deck next to him, currently showing a few good-sized catches that have been placed on ice for the time being. And he already appears to have another bite at the end of his pole. For a moment he seems not to even react, but the hand on the line suddenly jerks, and he begins to slowly, yet forcefully drag in the line. He remains completely calm, making not even a hint of struggle as he pulls in...

...the crested form a sailfish! Despite its size, the ninja seems to be having no difficulty hauling it up out of the water, or even controlling its wild struggles once he's got it up on the deck.

Tran clasps his hands together pleadingly. "I swear to God, I didn't even--" His face screws up in frustration, and then he sighs, reaching up to rub at his forehead. "Okay, so I guess I should start from the beginning."

"So when I signed up for this, I didn't have a partner lined up, or the time to get one. I was on the phone with the... recruiter? Promoter, I guess? I don't know, but, you know-- not Zack, one of the people who works for him."

"Anyway<," he forges on, waving the issue away. "I made a joke about just entering by myself, because it's still a vacation either way, and we laughed about it and he assured me that they were going to do a roulette, or something, to match up people who registered individually. And when I got here I got the guy's name, but I couldn't get ahold of him until... well, until he showed up for the fight."

"And then he did all /that/." Tran gestures. "Which-- I mean, some of it was-- okay, I was talked to about this, too, they wanted me and my teammate to be, like, 'bad guys', I guess? You know, to fight a little dirty and just be jerks, for ratings purposes. And I was like, okay, sure, which is why I was shouting all that ridiculous stuff."

"But the way he treated you was, just, way too far, and unacceptable. I pulled him off you as soon as the cameras were off, and I've issued a complaint to the administrators here. I don't know if they're going to /do/ anything about it," he admits, "But if there's anything that I, personally, can do to make it up to you, please just let me know."

Something approaches from the direction of the shore, roaring a few dozen feet above the water. Waves are sliced in twain, seaspray exploding in every direction as the sleek, shiny monstrosity seems to accelerate. Perspective is a hell of thing - it's got a way to go yet, but soon enough that roar becomes aurally-distinctive even over the buzz of Zack's happenin' party. Is it a bird, is it a plane? Is it a MFin' dragon?!

o/~ Well, it's...
Fifty cups of coffee and you know it's on
I move the crowd to the break of break of dawn
Can't rock the house without the party people
Cause when we're gettin' down we are all equal o/~

Uh. It's Tia Langray, wearing a tactical harness to hang off the bottom of her personal helicopter. A black and red beast, it's mounted with speakers that are pumping out the Beastie Boys' Super Disco Breakin'. The closer the heli gets, obviously, the louder the noise is; and by the time the reality superstar is able to start lowering herself down, the Ill track has reached the chorus. Which has, naturally, been re-recorded:

o/~ Money makin', money money makin' (Zack Island!)
Super disco, disco breakin'
Money makin', money money makin (Zack Island!)
Super disco, disco breakin' o/~

When she's safely halfway down to the deck, Tia yanks a cord on the front of her harness and cuts the whole damn thing loose. Dropping like a very busty stone, she flips in mid-air to execute a swan dive right into the on-deck pool. Above her, the helicopter starts to roar away at a sharp angle, still pumping out sick beats.

Tia 'Tia from Breakers' Langray surfaces a moment later, streaking out of the water like a GODDAMN MERMAID - you know, if mermaids lived in swimming pools on luxury yachts - and landing in a deft three-point crouch on the now-thoroughly damp outer limits around the pool. She's clad in a simple, skimpy swimsuit/lingerie crossover, a red lace bra and panties with camo panels around the crotch and nipples. Tasteful!

Her outfit is complete with a Muay Thai-esque crimson corded headband, and she makes sure everyone has a good chance to check out all of this as she takes her time stretching and drip-drying at poolside.


At least until she notices that something is terribly wrong.

"Where the HELL are my cameras?!"

Not too far hence, below the ocean, three men in dark scuba suits follow stealthily behind one Caoimhe Delaney, aiming their very expensive all-environment waterproof cameras to catch every second of the Sergeant's watery expedition.

"Saku-chan, I've -fought- Tiffany before. I know she's tough." Natsu laughs, as if she expects Sakura to keep up with all her fights -- even the less-than-official ones! "She's... yeah, she can be tough. She boxes, mostly, but her punches aren't really -straight- like you might expect." Led about to the refreshment table, she picks at... something with vegetables. Someone's got to eat balanced, and it isn't going to be Sakura.

"I was a bit... concerned about our fight, though, Saku-chan...? In a fight, you know... what would you say you're -best- at?" The tall volleyballer seems to stay completely oblivious to talk about weird things like mermaids, for the moment!

Rather focused on Hayabusa, Jira seems to be oblivious to the excitement onboard. Something so simple as fishing is made even more serene by the ease of which man goes about grabbing a sailfish and subduing it... wait.

"Don't you run the store off the marina?" Jira asks Ryu, her arms and hands are too nervous to stay at her sides, and she can't think of any inflection to put them to. In the end her fingers twitch and she tries to look conversable.

Azumi knew that the attire would likely be swim wear, but having a fur suit and an extra appendage was probably weird enough. Nobody wanted to see that much of her, and likely for fairly good reason. She had a one peice on underneath, but she was careful to hide it beneath the shorts and shirt. She seemed to be content in just miring herself in her own thoughts before the helicopter shows up, making a relatively huge racket before dropping off someone and zipping away.

She sighs at that shrugs, leaving her own quieter portion of the ship to start wandering a little bit more into the life of the party, seemingly neading towards the open bar but being mindful to both avoid getting in anyone's way, and drawing attention to herself.

Admittedly. This would be hard. Very, very hard.

Walter can't argue with Alice's logic. "I do suppose a small fishing boat would be better." It sounds like the priest is taking the idea /seriously/. He's going to blame the drinks, if anyone presses him. Down drink number three goes, and counting. He's not paying at the moment. There's a proper priestly tab at play here.

Beni gets a grin from the priest. "Really? I would like to hear the tale of this aquatic murderess some time, if you would."

Another glance at Alice and Sada as Beni indicates. Cue yet more chuckles. "This place must be a paradise, then. A most funkilicious paradise indeed!" Wince. A glance Zack-wards. There's notable /shame/ that he used those words. Ugh.

Sada's words catch the priest off guard. He blinks for a moment, as if wondering whether he's missed some sarcasm. Then he defaults to his usual welcoming smile.

"Thank you miss! White on black may not be particularly creative, but it at least is flexible. Though your own is far more fit for the weather! Enjoying the island, I trust?"

Before the priest can go on with friendly banter, a shape approaches. And more importantly, lots of noise. Walter cringes a bit at the pure volume that's being pumped out as one Tia Langray falls from the helicopter and into the pool. The young man /stares/ in the direction of the pool.

"...Ask, and ye shall receive." He mutters to himself, looking somewhere between scandalized and embarrassed by the outfit on the woman. Walter can appreciate a good looking woman, and indeed, some of the more interesting outfits on the island. But there's a line, and with a sigh, he turns away. Particularly when the woman yells about cameras.

"And this is why I do not go to movies. Who is that woman?"

But then the priest seems intent on ruining poor Azumi's attentions. He turns about, smiles, and raises his glass to the fuzzy-tailed woman.

"It seems there are no end to interesting outfits and personalities alike on this siren-seeking voyage." Offers the priest, somewhat towards Azumi, and somewhat to the bar-goers at large.

Sada licks along the side of the popsicle as that Benimaru guy talks to the priest. Maybe he knows what's up. Her eyes cut towards the direction of Sakura, perhaps having heard her name.

But then Dr. Richard Tran, MD, SO (sex offender), speaks. Speaks... flatteringly. Sada licks her popsicle as she listens to him, evidently held rapt by a short man offering lengthy explanations. Then she raises a finger to him, drawing the popsicle out of her mouth and turning to see someone...

Drop out of a helicopter! Into the pool! And to the noise of the Beastie Boys, she swims hard and leaps outwards, throwing herself upwards and landing in a three point stance in dripping wet lingerie!

"What a slut," Sada says. "I hate women like that." She sucks on her popsicle.

Then she looks back to Tran(?). "Anything?" she says.

She is kept from revealing the next step by a moment of conversation with the priest. "It's pretty great here, yeah. And that's some tramp from TV, I think, you shouldn't bother with her. She's going to Hell."

The trumpet toodles away as Commodore Admiral Zack shields his eyes beneath the brim of his hat/crown combo, not because his eyes need shielding but because he thinks it suits the pose. As the festivities and banter and robot apologies continue in the background, the host, clearly committed to his quest, frowns slightly, a serious expression uncharacteristic of him. From the folds of his cape -- it can't really come from anywhere else -- he pulls a pair of rhinestone-encrusted binoculars with which he scopes out the seas.

"No ... no ... how could this be?"

Zack shakes his bedazzled binoculars at the heavens.

"How could this be, Secretary Griswold!?"

"Ooook! Ooooook!"

"Indoobie-doobie-dubitably!" he exclaims back without missing a beat. "You cannot properly be the Secretary of the Treasure and Dat Ass without mermaid booty entering your ministry's jurisdiction. We must not allow-- wait!"

He is peering down at the water now.

"Could it-- RYU! RYUUUUUUUU!"

Suddenly Zack is sprinting along the railing. Geometrically, it would be more efficient for him to run in a straight line toward where Hayabusa is fishing, but by running nimbly along the length of the rail, Zack is able to occasionally cartwheel along it, cape sweeping out with each acrobatic display. The orangutan hops along after him, toting trumpet.

"Hayaboogie, listen, listen!"

He springs from the railing and lands beside the fishing ninja. "Pardon the interruption, baby," he says, his earnest expression momentarily replaced by a grin as he winks to Jira, having cut her off just as soon as she ventured a conversation, before turning back to Ryu, his face snapping back to as it was. "I saw them! A school of mermaids, four of them, shadows swimming down there! You gotta hook 'em, baby!"

Did he not have a better plan for mermaid capture?

"You've got to-- whoa!!"

Tia's fabulous entrance ensues. Zack is half-gaping, half-grinning as the kickboxing vixen erupts onto the scene LIKE A MERMAID. She does not appear to find her circumstances to her liking, but Zack does not hesitate.

"Ryu Kang! You catch one of those mermaids, and I'll catch this one!"

Whereupon, spinning away, Zack powerslides more or less the width of the deck over to where Tia stands by the pool like Venus emerging from the seafoam.

"Baby, my eyes are the only cameras you'll ever need," he proclaims, the Capmiral Commaptain King's grin as bright as a thousand suns. "No lesser lens can capture your perfection -- and they are fixated only on you!"


And from the interior of the yacht, a man rises.

Dressed in a tasteful violet banana hammock, a Silver-Haired man comes up on the deck, stretching his arms as he emerges. Yawning lightly, he looks around at his yacht. And he smirks lightly. The nearly nude Lee Chaolan moves through the crowd, taking each step with delicate dignity. As he reaches the pool, where the Commander Captain King Zack was proposing to Tia, Lee Chaolan puts his hands on his hips, looking at Zack with a gentle demeanor.

"Zack~" He begins. "I don't mean to interrupt~"

"But why is my yacht moving?~"

Tia's grand entrance earns her scarcely a glance from the exceedingly apologetic Richard Tran, and Sada's address to Walter earns the priest - and Azumi, too - only small, polite smiles. His attention, however, remains firmly on Sada.

"Anything," he repeats, firmly. "I'd offer you my card, if I had any on me, for, you know, free medical care, that sort of thing. Um... they did give me some Zack Bucks to try to mollify me, after I complained. Perhaps there's something on the ship you wanted to do but couldn't afford...?"

Johnny moves on, determined to chat up a new babe or two today. Variety is the spice of life and Johnny puts spice on all his food. He pauses to look up as Tia makes her grand entrance with a swan dive into the pool. "You're a regular tryhard, Lagrange!" he calls, not resisting the urge to rib her. He sticks his tongue out with another easy grin and gives her a thumbsup. He moseys on over to Jira. The white hair was a little strange but she looked good anyway. "Hey, what's up," he says to her, sticking his hand out. "Yes, I am THE Johnny Cage."

Alice Nakata grins at the priest. She has no shame about being around them. "Funkalicious? Never thought I'd hear someone in that costume say it. The disco Speedo makes it extra funkalicious." She pauses for a moment, and then adds, "Maybe that means I should bring out one of my sparkly ones."

"I've seen better," Alice says, watching Tia's entrance and Zack's response.

There is approximately a 99.9% chance she considers /herself/ better.

Alice finishes her margarita. Some instinct suggests that she probably shouldn't leave Sada alone with Dr. Tran, and so she leans back in her lounge chair, stretching her legs out and setting the empty glass down next to her. "I really do need one of those," she notes to Sada, before looking up at Dr. Robot Tran for a half second. She rolls her eyes, just faintly, as she looks away, stretching out.

The sailfish has been subdued, the ninja seeming to have completely calmed it before striking it with a single clean blow after which it completely ceases to keep moving. The fish seems to be nearly as big as the entire ice chest. He does his best for the time being to set the nearly four foot long catch down on top of the other smaller catches for the time being. He'll need to speak with some of the ship staff about cooking the catch since he can't exactly set up a fire and spit right here... or perhaps he could simply attempt to carve some sushi and...

Well, his thought process is interrupted first by the young woman asking about his connections to the shop on the island, and then much more interrupted by Zack making an incredibly loud commotion aimed in his direction.

Despite all of that, he somehow manages to remain completely calm.

"...If they are mermaids, it wouldn't be appropriate to take them by force unless they were actively attempting to devour people or taking part in a ritual that would result in the summoning of an ancient water fiend." Of course, Zack doesn't stick around long enough to hear all of that.

And so his attention is turned toward the young woman who had made the previous inquiry of him. "I am Ryu Hayabusa, Zack has asked me to offer my expertise to his endeavor, and I agreed. When I am not occupied with... my other expectations as part of the tournament, I am responsible for a great deal of the-" and then Johnny Cage shows up and interrupts him completely.

"What would I say I'm best at? Uh, well--" Sakura is cut off briefly by Tia's entrance, which just earns a long, hard stare, and a little envy. Not for the suit, because, wow, but that's a hell of an entrance to make. Sakura shakes it off after a few minutes.

"--well, uh... I guess sheer cussedness?" She grins gamely at Natsu.

"I mean, it's not like I'm, you know, trained or anything. I'm making it all up as I go along. I don't have anything to go on but what I can do..."

Jezebel suddenly blushes.

"I-It's fine, Johnny." She states, the drawl gone. Lightning Spangles was fine, but around Johnny? Johnny was a man who deserved Jezebel. The true self. THe actress looks away nervously, smiling. "You don't need to put it on. You look fine the way you are, Johnny." Her expression is coy, almost modest. She is about to say something, when suddenly, sweatly, there was a DYNAMIC ENTRY from a one woman.

And she -glares- at Tia.

"Ugh." Jezebel states rather coldly. "Can you believe what some people would do for attention?" Is what the actress asks Johnny. "Isn't that Tia woman just awful? I agree, a real try hard." I bet you hated fighting her, right?" Jezebel pauses a moment... and turns back over to where Johnny wasn't. The cowgirl's eyes go wide, as he already was looking at other women. It was...

It was probably Tia's fault.

Lightning Spangles hurries to the pool, shoving past the speedo'd Lee Chaolan. For a brief moment, all of reality ceases to exist, and becomes a singularity of absolute chaos, as it counts as alt interaction, but then everything is okay again. Just in time, too, for Jezebel to hang over the pool. "Camo, really?"

"Do you have to do everything in bad taste, Tia?"

Azumi knows she'd likely to be getting many...polite and impolite stares as the lone 'furry' chick, but for as much as she was trying to not ruin anyone's fun, someone seems quite determined to raise a bit of a fuss. Ignoring Zack's outbursts for the time being, she turns towards Walter when he speaks towards her, ears perking up to listen. She looks down at her fuzzy arm and pulls at it matter-of-factly, looking back towards the man rather plainly.

"This...isn't a costume. It's me....for now I guess. And...wait."

Her brain arrives to a humorous conclusion, judging by the smile spreading upon that muzzle.

"Are you...hitting...on me? Like is this the start of a pick up line? You have a ship full of half naked ladies...and dudes, if that's your thing, and you want to come talk to me? That's..ah..." She gestures witha pointer finger, holding it up as she takes a small step away from him.

"Ah...weird. I guess. So...erm...what's your name?"

Scowling and irate for all of about two seconds, the show-woman in Tia - which there's a lot of, and is mostly displayed bulging from camo-accented bra and thong - pulls herself together and stretches up to her full height, one knee slightly bent to ease out over the other, back arching just enough to thrust her chest to prominence. And then she just damn well preens, running a hand through her hair and down her body, absolutely convinced that everybody a) loves her and b) can't stop looking at her.

Nobody is more oblivious than Tia when it comes to misjudging her audience!

It will never, ever help that there those in the world shallow enough to cater to her delusional whims, though, and as Zack approches in his inimitably boisterous fashion, hazel eyes unlid to watch him huskily.

"Zack! Darling!" She exudes with the air of a bustling socialite determined to leap her way up the social ladder one piece of bullshit at a time. "You never write, you never call, I can't believe I had to get *my* people to arrange this. Mmm, you're looking positively kingly today, to what do I owe the..." She smiles, glancing briefly toward Johnny Cage and returning his thumbsup with an utterly lewd and suggestive wink, a finger roaming to the tan flesh between her breasts and slowly, slowly tracing the curvature. Back to Zack, and the finger slides off, dribbling a bit of poolwater over the Island King as she places it on his lips and smiles like a fox. "Exceeding... pleasure of your attentions? Who's your friend?"

Her smoky gaze flicks to Lee Chaolan, and she disengages Zack to slip to the side of the violet-clad adopted Mishima. She drapes herself over him, placing a hand on his chest and just caressing the sexy hell out of it.

"Do I have to divide my attentions, hmm?"

A glance past Lee's flank sees her catch the hard gaze of Lightning Spangles. So, she smiles more broadly and pouts her lips, eyebrows lifting as if to challenge her fellow TV starlet. What's she going to do about it? Tia can take her.

She can take everyone~

"Baby," she purrs to Lee, still watching Jezebel, "The whole *world* is going to be moving tonight."

Sada draws the popsicle out of her mouth again and looks at Robo-Tran with unsympathetic eyes.

"Then I have three things for you to do," she says. "First one is to get her," indicating Alice, "one of these," holding up the eight inch liquor popsicle. "When you get back I'll give you the second one."

"Saku-chan..." starts Natsu, suddenly mindful of the chaos happening all around her. Maybe if the volleyballer stays quiet, nibbling on refreshments, maybe they won't notice her. And embarass her, or cause her to -do- something embarassing like slug someone into the water...

"I think..." continues Natsu, "your fireballs are pretty powerful. I mean, in our fight, that's what put -me- down. I figured you would have an easier time against that boxer than I would, y'know?"

The Gorin student frowns at Sada, being the original topic of discussion. She leans close to Sakura: "... Is... is that what I think it is...?"

"Banana if they've got them," Alice adds, helpfully.

Broken from her eyes on who she hopes is NOT her crush, that had made the helicopter into background noise her brain had filtered out, Jira turns her eyes onto Johnny Cage... but, Jira doesn't watch television, or movies, or really use the internet. So she's drawing a total blank on how to reply to this gaijin's introduction.

"Well, 'mister' Cage, I.. would be lying to say it is nice to meet you. I'm sure you're an important gaijin of some sort, but I have never heard of your name before this." she offers a polite bow. "I'm certain there are other women here for you to harass, you would have more luck with them." and she turns back to Hayabusa.

"Hayabusa-san, I am Kasagi Jira. Here as part of a lesson to the students in my club at Taiyo." she replies, giving him a bow. The movement gives a tremendous amount of movement to her chest, and a loud 'boin'. Luckily her suit reigns in that inertia to stop her bosoms needing be calmed. She straightens up and offers Hayabusa a warm and friendly smile. "I can't say I've seen a person ... exist with the serenity you do. It's refreshing."

"Yes, of course," Tran tells Sada, nodding eagerly. He flashes Alice a small (but somewhat uncertain) smile, and then turns and hustles back across the boat, headed for the Phallic Food Repository.


Adam Devine(?) sits holding the Xbox 360 controller they have set up to drive Robo-Tran (even if he has, perhaps unwisely, given the robot limited autonomy because talking to girls is, just, REALLY hard, you guys.) He is sweating profusely.

"What's even the point of this?" someone in the back of the room asks. "I mean, I guess it maintains his cover, bu-"

"I AM GOING TO MARRY HER!!" scream Adam Devine(?), his voice cracking.

Froooown. No, with confirmation that Tia is some sort of tv star, combined with her entrance and 'outfit'? Walter's not bothering to hide the priestly dissapproval. With another sigh, he shakes his head. "No crusades, Walter." He chides himself. He promised the great liege of the island, after all!

Still, he takes Sada's comment more seriously. "Should she desire my services, I am of course open. However, while pride is a sin, dignity can be a virtue."

Right then. "But you all are not gathered here to listen to me preach." The man will buy drinks for the trio. Dr. Tran too, gets an equally polite smile as his scowl fades.

Both hands open wide as Alice speaks. "When in Rome, my dear! And...'King' Zack's mannerisms are most...mmm, catching. Interesting man." A man Walter witnesses rail-running, then deck-sliding over to Tia. "Judge not by the flesh..." He mutters to himself.

Flashy? "Do be careful, my dear. You may well dazzle certain eyes on a boat like this!" Grin!

Over to Azumi. Yet again, the priest is taken aback.

He stands a little taller. Sigh. God, he hopes the others don't see the blush. "Miss. On my word, I am not hitting on you. " A hand touches his cross.

His eyes do take in Azumi curiously. Thankfully he keeps it tasteful, though it may come across as a bit too searching.

He relaxes. "Besides, pick-up lines are a jumbled mess coming from my lips. I shall stick to the altar. Have a bit more faith in yourself. Oddities can be strengths, and not all find the 'fuzzy' look displeasing. Father Walter Bardsley, at your service, Miss?" Comes the priest. He slides that case to a more tucked-away position at his side. So far, no need to stab the werewolf.

Jezebel begins to turn a shade of dark crimson.

It was bad enough that she distracted Johnny Cage, who was HER Dillo, but now this young upstart was stealing everyone's attention? If she had a drink, she would have splashed it in her face by now. As she gives Zack a kiss, Jezebel feels overwhelmingly jealous. She didn't even care about Zack. She didn't even care about that Silver-Haired demon that Tia was now wrapping herself around.

But she still couldn't control herself.

As Lee Chaolan idly and instinctly wraps his arms around Tia and immediately begins to massage her back, Jezebel makes her move. Rushing over to Tia, her entire face scarlet, she reaches the other woman. And what comes, comes as a blur. There is a whistling sound, as Jezebel throws her hand up.

And attempts to lay a slap right across Tia's face.

Caoimhe continues to push her way through the water, The auburn-haired Army diver oblivious to the camera crew that's following behind her. Something unusual in the water catches her eye. Wait... is that what it looks like? What would a depth charge be doing out in the ocean, here, of all places - and undetonated?

Taking the logical course of action, she gives in to her fascination and swims closer to investigate. It's sitting on a shelf of reef, seemingly completely inert. From a distance, the American observes it, looking around the area for other hazards, then swims in close. Nothing happens for a long moment. She reaches out to touch the thing.

It starts to click.

Frantically, Delaney turns around and starts flying through the water, up and away from the explosive device.

Above the surface, a massive geyser of water sprays up into the air.

Johnny freezes for a few seconds with his hand extended, still grinning stupidly as Jira shuts him down completely. "Uh, wow, okay then! Nice meeting you too, I guess! Maybe you should try living in the modern world a little more?" He looks at Ryu from behind Jira, throwing his arms up and mouthing 'what the fuck' at the ninja. He shakes his head as he moves on. Poor Jezebel remains hanging with Tia for the moment, though not out of ill will by Johnny. He just gets...distracted.

He goes to Walter and Azumi. "Hi, yes, it's me, Johnny Cage," he starts, then notices Walter is here. Oh. Not wanting to interrupt a bro, Johnny just hastily scribbles his autograph on two sheets of paper and hands them to both. He smiles and walks on.

He sees Sada with...that little bastard. His brow furrows. He still owes that little Asian guy a punch to the groin. But not here. Instead he leans against the railing, sipping his drink, when a geyser of water shoots up behind him. "Oh shit!" He turns around, and misses Jezebel slapping Tia. "Wow, was that a whale? There are whales out here right?"



Dr. Richard Tran, king of good ideas, is drinking in the hot tub. "This is...this is nice. I could just..." He does not finish the spoken thought, as his own wide, languid yawn interrupts him. Slowly, ever so slowly, the doctor slides, sleepily, below the surface.


There's an explosion. Dr. Tran himself explodes from the depths of the hot tub, apparently completely unharmed by the experience, looking frantic.

"Holy shit, somebody tell me what's happening!" He sweeps around, searching intently for the cause of his disturbance.

"Is there a /catfight/?"

Azumi has very little idea what the heck else was going on with...just about anyone, considering she'd never met anyone here before...yet everyone else seems to know each other. It was a weird, outsidery kind of feeling. She giggles a little bit when Walter starts to respond to her question...but before she was given a chance to speak, Johnny shows up.

She blankly stares at Johnny as he introduces himself and hands over an unsolicited autograph. Her ears and tail flatline as he presumably buggers off to someone else, the werewolf taking the time out to ball up the signage into a tiny ball and toss it overboard. She resumes speaking a moment later.

"Annnnnnyway. My name's Azumi...just...ah...Azumi. And do you have any idea what trying to find clothes is like? A nightmare. I'm doing good that people just aren't panicking around me. I guess that makes sense...there's alot of fighters here, huh?"

Zack's hat literally spins around 360 degrees as Tia places her finger to his lips. That's his only physical reaction. There's no obvious scientific explanation.

"Forgive me, baby, I beg you," Zack proceeds, gesticulating wildly. "I know I've been untrue! But I see now the error of my ways! When I came seeking mermaids, what I was truly seeking was you! Tia, is it true? Were you the mermaid all along? Was the call coming from inside the island!?"

He sweeps his arms wide and widens his eyes.

"If so, you shall be my mermaid qu--"

It is then that he hears Lee's voice.


Expression growing carefully still, his features that of a serious businessman having a serious discussion with his serious business partner, Zack, clad in an only slightly less risque fashion than Lee, turns and places a hand upon the silver-haired man's shoulder, looking him straight in the eye. "Lee, baby. Lee, baby. Baby, Lee. Baby. Baby. Lee. Lee. Baby."

He pauses.


He's got nothing.

Okay, thank goodness, Tia has saved him from Lee and the two are distracting one another. It is more or less as though Zack's impassioned proposals never occurred, so visibly relieved is he to not have to explain himself. He takes a step back and heaves a deep breath.

Everything is chill.

** BOOM **

The sound of Jezebel maybe or maybe not slapping Tia is maybe or maybe not drowned out by the depth charge exploding. Zack is taken aback. Azack.


He promptly power slides back to the other side of the yacht.

"It's the demon! It's the ancient water monster!" the Kingodore Funkmiral babbles. "You're the only one who can defeat it! Use your ultimate ninja fishing technique!!"

"Ooook! Oooook!" agrees Secretary Griswold.

A searchlight from the ship is turned onto the geyser of water - and then, onto a rock nearby the geyser that sits between the ship and the island.

On said rock sits a voluptuous mermaid, the searchlight giving her a sort of spotlight effect. She has blonde hair, blue eyes, a scandalously skimpy bikini top apparently weaved of seaweed and gold coins, and a low-cut pink and blue tail mermaid tail that shows off her hips quite nicely. Water splashes down on her from the geyser, and she blinks, staring up into the searchlights with a seeming lack of comprehension, and raises a hand to her lips, her expression so innocent that it borders on suspicious.

This mermaid, unlike a certain previous mermaid who swam tonight, is totally legitimate, and is /definitely not/ Bonne Jenet, pirate queen, in a minimal disguise and a barely-seaworthy scheme to part wealth from those who currently possess it.

A black submarine with a large white skull and crossbones emblazoned on it quietly surfaces on the opposite side of the ship, and the hatch slooowly opens up, and pirates throw grappling hooks over the side of the ship, start to climb up, sneak on board, male and female, young and old, but all intent on one thing - grabbing all the booty they can.

...And by booty I mostly mean riches and alcohol. I know we're on Zack Island, but please get your mind out of the gutter, dear reader.

"Huh," Alice says to Sada, when Tran II: Son of Tran is gone. "I didn't think he'd actually listen to you. What even happened? I looked him up, it turns out he's some old guy who hates schoolgirls. He's like thirty."

Explosions happen. Alice is comfortably buzzed enough to applaud. She is not sure if she's supposed to applaud for the... the... mermaid? "Okay," she says, "That has /got/ to be someone in a costume. Because there are no mermaids."

A Lilien Knight steals her margarita cup. Alice does not care, because it was empty except for melted ice. SURPRISE, THERE'S NO BOOZE.

It is difficult for Ryu Hayabusa to feel any sympathy for Johnny Cage getting rejected by a woman. Some if it is simply based on his mannerisms in the here any now, where he has proven to be a questionable individual full of self-interest. The other part is because he saw one of Johnny Cage's movie posters for Ninja Mime 2, and the complete inaccuracy of his portrayal of a ninja was absurd.

It's not a grudge, but the man clearly doesn't understand the world very well.

As the actor leaves, he's given a moment to attempt to start polite conversation with the young woman. "It's my honor to meet you, Kasagi-san." He returns the bow politely, and starts back up, "We all live our lives surrounded by chaos. It fills us unless we are able to find our own center and maintain it. Sometimes-"

And then there's an explosion, which prevents him from giving any more zen advice (which is something he's done a whole lot, but seems to have ended in sales advice most of the time lately), and then Zack comes screaming.

"...That was not the sound of summoning, that was the sound of an explosive device being set off under the water. There are no spiritual lights or..."

...And then he's interrupted by the sudden arrival of a (definitely fake, he can tell that immediately) mermaid. Which then leads his attention to the boat in general, where he notices certain party-goers are not as they seem. This becomes a problem for one of the Lilien Knights immediately as in a sudden flash, he's pinned to the wall nearest to him by the bill of a swordfish going right through his clothes and somehow missing him entirely.

The man who just threw it, Ryu Hayabusa, turns toward Zack, "It would appear you are under attack," he says before leaping at the next pirate who dares to attack this ship.

Tia is only trying to enjoy herself, easing into Lee's attentions with the instinctive comfort of one who was made to be a superstar. Zack's proposals are, indeed, disregarded - or more accurately regarded as her due, as even draped across the Excellent One she can spare an extended hand for the Island King. Why, it's almost as if she were suggesting some kind of intimate excursion for the three of them.

And, possibly, Lightning Spangles. Tia's licking her lips as the cowgirl approaches.

Some things are just destined. Certain fates cannot be avoided. When the stars align, when two figures of legend emerge from the mists of network television to face one another on the stage of history, there can only be one outcome...


Langray doesn't even try to avoid it, eating the full fury of Jezebel Faiblesse with a shit-eating grin as she's thrown away from Lee and spins three hundred and sixty degrees with the force of the blow. It's one heckuva slap, is what we're saying. Tia ends up in an instinctive Muay Thai stance, her chestmeats bouncing in their inadequate hammock as her lead foot paws the ground, arms raised and ready to break out the pain. Which makes it more than a little... jarring... when she suddenly throws herself at Jezebel in what amounts to nothing more than a half-naked cross-body.

"You BITCH! I'm going to ride you like a PALE HORSE!!!"

Her shrill roar comes in tandem with the explosion of water behind them, the geyser rising up over the boat as Tia grabs a double handful of the cowgirl's hair and *yanks* as she takes the other woman down onto the deck.

Who's got time to worry about pirates when there's a catfght in progress!

"J--just ignore it, Natsu-chan. It's nothing to do with us." Sakura pats her friend on the shoulder, then nods a little at Natsu's assessment of the fight.

"I messed up," she says, simply, "Let her get close too quick and too easily..." At that point, just as she's putting a meatball on a toothpick in her mouth, explosions. Around the meatball, Sakura mouths a muffled "--what the??" and looks at Natsu. A quick chew later and she says, more clearly, "Did you hear that?"

Turning, Sakura goes to grab her plate--only to see it disappear into the hands of a pirate.

"H--hey!! My food!!"

"Dude, demons?" Johnny says, whirling around. This is totally what Raiden and Nightwolf warned him about! He could do the Full Moon Society proud! He wondered if it was a Darkstalker or an idea what either look like, but a demon has to be one. "I'm all about that life!"

He sees the demonic mermaid "Now that's a chest I'd like to open," he remarks. He enjoys the view for a while as pirates sneak on board...but then, something arouses his suspicion.

He turns and first notices his drink is gone. "Wha-" Then, he notices a couple of the pirates stealing the booze and...

"RUM HAM!" he yells. He points at the pirates. "Hey, nobody steals expensive food and drink on my watch! Put that ham DOWN or I'm gonna have a problem!"

"Hi Johnny~" Sada calls to Mr. Cage as she sees him, waving bouncily.

She looks at Alice and wrinkles her nose. "Ugh," she says, pausing to lick her popsicle again. It's getting sweatier and slimmer. "OK, then #2 is gonna be 'he's my slave,' I'm not letting a freak like that off easi..."

She trails off as a catfight erupts.

Sada is about to put the popsicle back in her mouth when a pirate grabs for it. She bites down on reflex, smashing through the ice and spilling several ounces of cream liqueur all over myself. "OH MY GOD!" she shouts out. "GET YOUR OWN!" She didn't notice the landing, since this isn't her first liquor popsicle.

Tran(?) is back surprisingly quickly, apparently unperturbed by the explosion (and the catfight starting over yonder (and the... pirate... invasion...?)) and holding three liquor popsicles; one yellow, one the same color as Sada's, and one lime green. The yellow one gets held out towards Alice. "Banana for the young lady," he says, cheerily. "And... I guess it's a good thing I got you another one," he adds, holding out the hand containing both the lime one and the ~*~other~*~ towards sada. "You finished that really fast."

Only as he's making this observation do his eyes drift past Sada. There sure are a lot of strange people flooding the deck all of a sudden...

Jam had been peacefully sunbathing on the deck of the yacht when her sweet dreams are interrupted by the sudden commotion of many things all going on at once. The martial artist, dressed in a halter top, blue and white swimdress with cute little printed strawberries on it quickly jumps up onto her feet. She swings her arms out and raises up onto one foot defensively in what looks to be a martial arts stance. It was happening again! It was another ninja attack?! But Jam was a fool! It was not ninjas, but their complete opposites....pirates!

This was way worse as pirates were usually were musclebound strongmen whom reeked of body odor. Super gross!

But then these pirates weren't what they seemed at all. They were a diverse group of individuals that just seemed to come here to party like everyone else. "Aiya?" Jam manages out weakly as she drops back down onto two feet again. But then Jam hears that food was being stolen! That was a crime that the master chef could not forgive! "No one gets near my food! Or else they are getting fed my kicks!" Jam fearsomely calls out as she once again takes up a martial arts stance near a cooler that was located next to where she had been sunbathing at.

"Take THAT you hussy!"

Those are the words from Jezebel as she unleashes the slap of all slaps, the lady tamer. As she smacks Tia away. As she knocks the other woman clear, she leans into the unmoving form of Lee Chaolan. Another reality tear happens, nearly forcing another reboot. As she leans away, in the background, amongst the pirates, a tall, red-haired woman stands. She is blind-folded, and holds a cane. Tapping the cane around, the red-haired woman sing-songs in a thick, scottish brogue.

"I'm no longer canon!"

Those are the only words from the woman as Tia comes rocketing in, smashing against Jezebel. She runs into Lee again, bumping into him as she falls down right at his feet. Another reality distortion happens, as the strange, red-haired woman, if she was even there at all, is gone. Pinned down by Tia, Jezebel writhes and struggles, instinctively reaching up to grab Tia by her hair and pulling it. Her hat is knocked clean off, and is quickly picked up by a pirate. Not that she notices.

"You are going to be one who's ridden, whore!"


"What was that?"

The eyes of MMA superfan and Talking Dead sensation Phil Brooks snap open, and he sits bolt upright where he was slumped in the corner of the RX-69 CIC room. "Did anyone else hear that?"

"Uhhh," says some eyeless goon on the other side of the room. "We just... had a prox mine go off. We might be looking at detection, here; we need to dive."

"No!" snaps Adam Devine(?). "If we dive we'll lose the signal, and we can't just cut him right now, he's at a party! And also, he's winning the favor of my wife!"

There is a moment of hesitation, and then Chicago Blackhawks season ticket holder Phil Brooks says, "Well, get ready to fuckin' dive, then. Just in case."

"I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!" shrieks Adam Devine(?), clutching his Sada dakimakura to his chest in fury.

Lee Chaolan looks up from his Tia at Zack.

His expression does not break from the smirk. And yet, as Zack tries to explain what is happening, the silver-haired executive just starts shaking his head. As Tia is bitchslapped out of his arms, he just releases the woman, and points a finger at Zack. The head-shaking continues, as the pirates explode up from a submarine, and begin to spread across the deck of his yacht. For a moment, it looks like Lee is about to say something.

And Lee looks around him.

Lillian Knights were prowling his deck, plundering and pillaging. The two ladies, once touching him, were now fighting over him. Slapping and pulling their hair. Suddenly, he watches as the older one runs into a nearby bucket of baby oil (which Lee naturally has in great stock on his yacht), knocking it over the pair of them. In the same action, a pirate suddenly grabs Lee's banana hammock, yanking it cleanly off in a single, deft motion. The finger point suddenly changes into a thumbs up, as Lee nods knowingly.


Suddenly, a million different things are happening all at once, and even though Dr. Tran doesn't know what he should do, what /deserves/ his attention, he has the terrifying premonition that by the end of the day, this yacht is going to turn into a sunken off-short tourist attraction.

Finally, however, after much hand-wringing and indecision, Tran hears something that decides him once and for all. 'You are going to be one who's ridden, whore!' With no hesitation the doctor rises from the hot tub (wearing only a jet black speedo with hot pink flames running up the back) and begins stalking toward the pool. Like there was really any other choice that could possibly be made.

On his way he picks up a little kid dressed like a pirate, takes the bottle of whatever the kid is trying to run off with, and sets him back down. "I need this more than you right now."

Tran continues toward the pool quickly, breaking into a quick jog despite clearly posted pool safety rules, and shouts, "Nobody rip off their top before I can see it!"

Walter might be generally movie ignorant, but even /he/ knows JOhnny Cage. There's a picture in his hands. Blink. The movie star is offered a gracious smile.

"The children at the orphanage loved you in 'True Crusader!' This will bring them joy! Go with God, Mister Cage!"

Attention back on Azumi, he can't help but smirk a bit. That cloak of his swishes. Beneath? That tucked away tail of his own wiggles a bit.

"Tailors are expensive enough as it is. Most no doubt assume you are merely in costume." Strange how the priest isn't shouting about demons with the werewolf about!

Then, his voice drops low. "Careful, Miss Azumi. Best to cleave to secrecy, lest those who hunt 'unique' individuals such as yourself come calling. Consider it friendly advice. You seem like a nice woman." There's no threat in his voice. It's true priestly advice.

A mermaid. The preacher turns about, eyes wide as he spies the beauty upon the docks.

"A fake, a maiden, or perhaps a siren. What do you think, Miss Azu..."

Suddenly, bloody pirates! The priest's white knight tendencies activate almost immediately as a pirate with an actual peg-leg tries to grab at Walter's cloak. It is a /nice/ cloak. Silk!

In one smooth motion, Walter's foot kicks his case into the air, catches it with one hand, and then with the natural fierce grace of a predator, waltzes around Azumi and quite simply cracks the skinny pirate in the face with the heavy weapon-container. It's hard enough to send the man flying up and off of the boat. A hand flicks open the case, and out fall a pair of silver spears, one half a foot shorter than the other. The longer spear is swung up and rests on his shoulder, while the shorter spear is spun deftly in one hand, a blurr of motion as he attempts to place himself between Azumi and any menacing pirates.

"Greed-filled plunderers! In the name of the Lord, leave this vessel lest you know the retribution of the holy!"

The warm smile is utterly gone, replaced with menace and a calculating gaze. Spinning his spear once more, he slashes out, sparks coming up off of the deck as he marks a half-circle around himself, and a large swathe of the open air bar.

"Enter here and be cut down." To Azumi?

"Take refuge as you must. I will defend you as I can."

Jira offers a polite wave to Cage as he exits. There's no interest from her to him, overconfident gaijin she gets along with very little. She's getting advice that she can agree with, wonderful zen advice... and THEN AN EXPLOSION and that sensation of two women, and reality, fighting eachother... and nudity, she detects nudity. Before Hayabusa launches off she sighs patiently.

"I will watch your things, Hayabusa-san." she states, taking the pole (if it is left with the cooler of fish) and sitting it atop said cooler after closing it, and taking a slow seat to prevent theft from the .... why are there children with the pirates?

Jira does her best to look menacing, and makes a gun shape with her left hand, threateningly pointing it at any oncomers that aren't Hayabusa.

"You think he'll do it?" Alice says, thoughtfully. She may be considering how best to acquire one for herself.

Alice has nothing valuable on her to steal, so Lilien Knights taking things from her are doomed to failure. (She has a long shirt under the lounge chair. It's not that interesting.) One of them seems to be hovering around to pick a pocket she doesn't have, though, after being yelled at by Sada.

WHich is why Alice rises up out of her seat. The Lilien Knight nearby is a sheepish-looking young adult. Alice hooks out one foot, tripping him - and then, planting her foot on his side, she kicks! Not with intent to injure, though - no, she starts him rolling straight toward the nearby pool, where he splashes in, probably extremely dizzy but otherwise just fine.

"Right, where was I?" she asks, slightly uncertain. "I don't need to watch the catfight. She doesn't have anything I don't have."

Azumi normally would jump at the opportunity to throw down with her eternal arch nemesis, the dreaded pirate, but considering the amount of people...the amount of pirates...and the sheer amount of other fighters, this was sure to devolve into a beat down unlike the world had ever known. Why in the hell would you even attack a ship like this? It just seemed...ridiculous. Letting Walter protect her for a moment, she smiles towards him and puts a hand on his back.

"Aren't you the valiant one? Believe me, I can take care of myself but...I think I'm going to let you guys have the fun. I'll keep watch though."

She crouches and vanishes from sight, having leapt high into the air...and landing towards the taller parts of the boat, using her new vantage point to watch for anything particularly nasty that might happen in this fight.

Sada's dakimakura shows her giving a sneer, like she's about to spit on the recipient. That is doubtless what ol' AD likes.

The actual Sada straightens up to whip a brutal backhand at the cheek of the Lilien Knight, but before she can follow through, Tran(?) returns with popsicles. She takes her new one and sucks angrily on it, hard enough that it fizzes faintly when it comes out of her mouth.

"OK," she says, as Alice kicks a guy, "Number two is, you have to be my slave for the rest of the event." She says this quite matter of factly.

Will AD be kept from hitting the agree button in time? Sada gives Alice a smug look after this.

Round and round they go, the spreading pool of oil engulfing the fabled, final battleground of Tia 'Tia from Breakers' Langray and Jezebel 'Lightning Spangles' Faiblesse. What rapidly ensues is less fighting and more general writhing, the slippery, tan flesh of the reality star slip-sliding against the pale-skinned, soulless ginger cowgirl. Somewhere along the way, Tia manages to grab at the front of her cowgirl costume and rip it open, straddling Jez with powerful thighs.

"RAAAAARGH!" Growls Tia, throwing fragments of a million childhoods like slick confetti across the deck. This greatly offends a passing Lilien Knight, who throws himself at the pair with tears in his eyes, forcing Langray to abruptly dismount and go toppling with the skanky, gap-toothed pirate instead.

She ends up on top for far more than just the second time, ifyouknowwhatImean, snarling down at the poor bastard as she harnesses all of her considerable training, years spent in the rings and jungles of Thailand honing her Muay Thai excellence...

To lean down and smother him with her oily tits.

When he stops moving (he's probably fine, kids, don't worry) she looks up with hazel eyes bright and feral, searching for the real danger she's left behind. Searching for her nemesis, that they might finish this contest for the ages.

Amongst the spray of water, a lone figure emerges from the waves. Sailing into the air, dolphin-like, Sergeant Caoimhe Delaney arcs toward the deck of the yacht, diving gear and petals of wetsuit fabric peeling away as she descends. It's entirely probable that this is not a feat of athleticism so much as the result of the shockwave unleashed by the exploding ocean mine.

By the time that she crashes on her hands and knees on the deck, the auburn-haired woman's goggles and breathing apparatus have been stripped away, and her wetsuit is barely clinging to her figure in tatters. Dropping to her elbows, hips in the air, Caoimhe coughs rapidly as water pools on the deck beneath her, dripping from her frame.

It's decidedly not the most dignified of arrivals, but apparently common around Zack Island due to the unique gravitational fields in the area.

When Alice becomes distracted by rolling a nerd into a pool, Tran(?) just keeps holding out the offered popsicle. To Sada's second condition, he shrugs, and says, "Very well. Although if you treat your slaves like you treat your popsicles, I may regret agreeing to that..."

It's unclear if he's flirting with Sada or just teasing her. This Dick is surprisingly hard to read.

Bonne Jenet is able to keep up the innocent act for nearly five seconds before she starts making eye contact, winking at Johnny Cage, then winking at Walter as he looks at her.

Walter cutting a circle on the deck around him is enough to send them scurrying off in other directions. The peg-legged pirate looks back down to him once he's gotten a safe distance away, and shakes his head. "Calm down, dude! It's just, stuff, you know!"

A female pirate shrinks back as Sada raises her hand, then smirks as she gets delivered another drink, going over to steal a mai tai from some other patron.

Seeing Ryu Hayabusa come towards him, a burly male pirate puts his hands up in a terrible boxing stance, takes a few steps back and to the side, knocks into the railing, and falls off into the ocean.

A kid wearing Jezebel's hat is picked up by Tran kicks and screams as he's picked up, but stops and blinks as the bottle of rum is taken away from him, and sits down on the ground, crying loudly.

Alice kicks a semi-handsome young pirate into a pool. He splashes and splutters. "Help! I can't swim!"

Seeing Jam's martial arts stance, the Lilien Knights avoid stealing her food, and scurry off to other places. Except one of them, a young girl, who walks up to Jam and holds out a plastic mesh bag filled with those gold-covered chocolate coins, and smiles up at her innocently. "I'll buy that cooler from you with these perfectly legitimate and real gold coins, miss...?"

Johnny remembers to give Walter a thumbs up. He was always ready to bring joy to his fans, young or old.

Now to deal with the pirates. Johnny swiftly performs a high kick to one's face, knocking him down. "Hya!" He then turns and rapidly punches another several times in the stomach followed by a back-punch to the temple. "Hyo!" He ducks a swing at him from a third, grabs him, and slams him down onto the deck and punches him in the solar plexus. "Haaah!" His movements are fluid and tight - he's like a machine.

Dr. Tran, the REAL Tran, walks by. Johnny takes the moment to tap him on the shoulder. "Hey buddy," he says. "Let me talk to you a sec."

Shortly after Caoimhe Delaney makes her entrance to this very special party, it transpires that Ryu Hayabusa is no longer the only ninja on deck. The official Breakers Revenge camera crew - like all good pro-fighting camera crews - were trained in the mountains of Japan in the arts of tracking, deception and the ancient art of ninjutsu.

Which is probably how two of them manage to be on the deck waiting for the good Sergeant as she flops and gasps from the ocean like a particularly sexy fish. Where's the third man? He pulls himself over the edge right behind her, intently filming the delectable side-effects of her posture. Somewhere, a network executive is steepling his fingers in delight.

Johnny Cage also throws an autographed card to every pirate he downs. As a courtesy.

Alice Nakata accepts the popsicle. Eventually. It doesn't take THAT long, honestly; she just missed Tran handing it over in the first place.

She doesn't thank him, though. "Huh," she says. "Not bad." Alice ends up standing on her lounge chair, mostly she can see the disaster this place is turning into in a hurry. And it is /really/ turning into a disaster.

Alice is grinning. She loves disasters, when they don't affect her much.

"OK, #3 is you proving it," Sada tells Dr. Tran.

She does this because - well, she never got out of her chair. She whips one leg around and presents her foot (she got a pedicure apparently, her toenails are probably not naturally glossy purple). "Kiss it, slave!"

To Alice, she says, "Is this part of the entertainment or something?" She gestures with the popsicle at... well, all of it really.

At the pat to his shoulder, Walter smiles. "Then I will handle these sinners. Watch for those innocent. Godspeed, Miss Azumi." There's a nod, and he watches her leap off. Definitely more there than just a tail and some fur. He'll need to keep an eye out for her.

Then, his attention is back on the pirate. "The 'stuff' as you put it is irrelevant. That you endanger innocent lives for material gain simply means you are a taint to be purged. But you still have time, my Child. Turn your back upon your sinful ways, and the Lord shall forgive you."

Cue a very, very sexy mermaid winking at him. The priest goes scarlet. Real or not, she's hot. The wyrmkin Reaches beneath his cloak, and loosens his collar. A glance over to Sada, and her Doctorly compatriot...with the lady calling the man her slave, and promptly forcing a bit of foot-kissing.

That scarlet only increases, and he's forced to open his vestments just a bit. He stabs a spear into the deck in order to do so.

A glance overboard. /There/ is the source of the pirates. Taking up his spears once more, he keeps one blade pointed at the cowering pirate, before holding the longspear high. Chi gathers, at first a mere point of light, before bursting into being in a flash of gold at the end of Walter's spear. Looking into it would be unwise, bright enough to be a small sun in a three foot diameter. Stepping onto one foot, he spins about, and casts the orb at the submarine of the Lilien pirates!

"Pray at least that you do not go down with your ship." Quips the Father as the burning ball of Chi attempts to scorch and melt into the submarine as the golden orb explodes.

Chaos reigns supreme here, but Tran is a man on a mission. He can practically /smell/ the oil on the lithe, nubile bodies of two woman battling for supremacy with everything they have. Or, he's been smelling oil the whole time, what's with this weird yacht??

No, no, doesn't matter! The doctor takes a drink of what is evidently rum (what else would you expect from a pirate?) to focus his mind, ignoring everything else erupting around him. Explosions are passe, who cares about a little pirate problem (cuz some of them are kids, see, and...nevermind), there are /girls/ here and he is going to ogle the /hell/ out of them.

And just when Tran's there, on the cusp, ready to drink in one of life's greatest spectacles, the greatest diversion of them all appears...well, kind of to the side of him?

"What? I'm not...whoa, hey, holy shit, are you Johnny Cage?" And Dr. Tran completely fails to overcome it, distracted by the most powerful weapon there is.

"Oh my god, I'm a huge fan!"


Jezebel had ridden this rodeo before.

It was just DIFFERENT when you weren't wrestling with mostly naked women with a handle of cheap vokda in your. It was like her post-disney, pre-fighting days. Grunting and groaning, Jezebel bumps into the fully nude Lee, reseting reality BACK to the proper, canon Lightning Spangles. Unfortunately, as the cowgirl bumps the junk, she creates an opening. Tia suddenly rips open Jezebel's cowgirl outfit, revealing her american-flag style lacy lingere bra underneath. Chest heaving, she is mounted by the fighter, and like that, she is hurled away, nearly off the side of the deck.

But not quite.

Jezebel scampers back up, just as Tia puts a pirate to sleep with her chest. "SLUT!" She gasps out, as suddenly, she trips over something on the deck. Falling into the oily surface, she slips around on her body, the oil seeping into her bra. Finally, she looks at what she tripped on... and an idea pops into her head.

She looks at the section of rope.

Standing back up, she suddenly picks up the rope. Quickly adjusting it and setting up a real Lightning Spangles knot, she suddenly begins to twirl it over her head. Jezebel, before all, was now armed with a lasso. Whirling around overhead, the cowgirl looks across at Tia. "SLUT! We'll see how much of a hustler you are when I pull you right here... and hogtie you up!" And like that, Jezebel throws out the lasso, to catch Tia right in the ropes.

And there, start pulling her across the oily deck.

Amidst the sound and fury--


--a heavenly chorus can be heard.

"There she is!!"

Zack is pointing straight at Definitely Not Bonne Jenet, perched and sunning herself upon her rock, revealing in the wake of the massive geyser. "Heyababy, quickly, snag her with your line!" Does he rely upon the ninja for literally everything? As it turns out, he well may, for it is only then that he hears Ryu's warning, looking up from under the brim of his hat/crown with a surprised blink as he sees the pirate pinned to the wall by the point of a fish.

"Gah! I-- guh-- gurghh--"

Zack swivels his body one way and his head another, transfixed by the sight of the blonde mermaid while simultaneously attempting to do something about the pirates, which results in a more or less impotent flailing as the Lilien Knights pass by him unharmed. But at long last, he seems to come to a resolution.

"We've gotta pilot the ship closer to that mermaid! Come on, Griswold, let's go!!" Zack rushes over to the pinned pirate, drawing the fish from the wood like a sword from a stone, the orangutan pouncing on the hapless invader the moment he's freed. "Hyaaahh!" Swinging the fish manfully, the trained Muay Thai fighter bravely fends off elderly people and children with his aquatic epee as he makes his way to the helm. Sticking the giant fish in his teeth as though it were a knife, which he can only manage thanks to the constant exercise providing by his mighty grinning, Zack begins to steer the ship toward Jenet's location, ignoring the rampant theft in the background.

"Ha haaaa!"

Pleased with his successful mission, Zack rushes back to the brink of the ship, looking down at the blonde mermaid with eyes as wide as saucers. "Baby! My love! My one and only!" he shouts to her, reaching out his arms, a somewhat less romantic gesture with the giant fish in his hand. "You, you are my mermaid queen! Come, and rule my island paradise together with me!"

She looks familiar, though. No doubt he's dreamt of her before!

"Now, my sweet, embrace me--"

Zack is poised to leap off the side of the boat. But just then, Caoimhe crashes noisily onto the deck beside him, and the King's head turns away from the mermaid just for a moment--


--before he is frozen, eyes glued to Caoimhe's compromising position.

It is a profoundly difficult decision. The clearly authentic mermaid is there, right before him, the object of his quest, the apple of his eye. And here is the beauty from the week before, wetsuit stripped and smoldering, lying just as the island dictates.

"Need a hand, baby?"

But decide Zack does, as he turns away momentarily from his mermaid queen to reach out to Caoimhe, grinning wide as can be.

"Your heart must have led you to me."

Except he's bending over directly behind her. Which makes it a little difficult for him to help her up. Actually, he doesn't really look like he's helping her up at all.

Meanwhile, pirates.

Johnny puts his hands on his hips and smiles, not giving away precisely of what he's thinking of doing to Tran.

"In the flesh," he says. "Always good to meet a fan. Hey, here's a trivia question: do you remember the move I used to defeat Boss Shen in Dragon Fist 2?"

Through the battle for the Excellent, Hayabusa is quick to find that everytime he approaches one of the pirates, they seem to flee from him. Many of them in such a way as to actually remove them from the fight all together. In fact, ignoring the one he pinned to the wall, he hasn't managed to get close to any of them (although he did that from nearly 10 feet away, so it wasn't that close).

Through all of this, Hayabusa begins to focus on putting the facts of this attack together. The first thing he notices is... the submarine that is in position here could not be the one responsible for the depth charge. It's the wrong model, and from the look of it compared to the explosion, it wasn't anywhere near the correct place for it to have laid the device. No, there must be reinforcements out there, preparing to launch a second wave.

There are plenty of fighters here, so Hayabusa makes it his intention to remove these reinforcements from the battle. In a flash he suddenly launches himself up to the peak of the ship's antennae tower, and begins to look around. There's a moment where, if this was an anime, the camera would cut to a telltale outline in the crystal clear water that most certainly a whale, it then suddenly would draw in on Hayabusa's eyes, getting wider with speedlines around the edge of the screen to show that he'd noticed it.

From this point, things suddenly get weird(er), the Master Ninja flips down to the lower deck, next to the pirate he'd pinned to the wall (an older man who seems to have started crying), he yanks the sail fish out of the wall, with surprising ease, and then suddenly throws it up into the air over open water. In a flash, the ninja teleports up into the air, suddenly grabbing hold of the sailfish and twisting it around, sharp bill faceing down as he begins to start the trademark whirl of the famed Izuna Drop.



Down go ninja and fish, suddenly blasting into the water like a missile, spinning so fast, with so much force that a whirlpool begins to form on the water's surface, growing bigger as the ninja goes deeper... right toward the mysterious second submarine. In what can only be described as an absurd event, the ninja somehow manages to piledriver the spinning sailfish through the hull of the ship. It goes now on its own, flying like a perfectly targetting missile as its bill pierces down...

...through an Xbox controller...

...and imbeds itself less than an inch from Adam Devine's inseam.

Azumi offers Ryu a small wave as he seems to join her up on the antannaes for a moment. She sighs as he takes off without a word, the werewolf slumping her shoulders.

"Always so serious..."

Jam stands at the ready to defend her cooler full of Chinese food to her last breath. She had learned her lesson from last time and brought her own delicious home-cooked Chinese food with her. And she wasn't just going to hand it over to some pirates willingly. Her stance seems to scare most of them off which causes Jam to smile brightly at these results. "Yeah! That's right! Run while you still can! Hiyyyyah!" The taunting martial artist remarks as she kicks a few times in the air before back-flipping ontop of her precious cooler full of delicious food. It seems that Jam's ready to defend her treasure from anyone and everyone!

Well....thhat is until an adorable young pirate comes up to her with a bag of chocolate coins. "You're adorable!" Jam shouts as she leaps off the cooler and down to confront the young pirate. She takes the offered bag of coins, looks back at her cooler, and then back at the young pirate. Jam then examines the coins closely and smiles knowingly at the delicious counterfeit coins. Turning back around, the young Chinese chef drops the bag of chocolate coins into the cooler and takes a broad step to the side. "Here! That way they won't melt! And....take the whole cooler! Just be sure to tell all your friends to stop by the Sleeping Dragon in Southtown with all their ill-gotten gains if they want some more!" Her business pitch said, Jam leaves her cooler full of food to the young pirate.

"Oh! Oh, yeah!" Dr. Tran, in a shocking violation of the natural order, cannot seem to keep the smile off of his face as he gets to talk, face to face, with a real life action movie star. "I mean, Dragon Fist 2 is a classic, although, how did it go?" He scrunches his face in concentration, trying to remember.

"There were so many good scenes, and I haven't seen it in a couple years, but...geez, this is so embarassing, what was it?"

W-what? Jira can only take off her sunglasses at seeing Hayabusa's climbing, and nonchalant jump... and the attack on a submarine target? Her fingergun dropped, and her guard of Hayabusa's cooler is simply her presence, and the fact she's sitting atop of it and the rod. Hayabusa's scared off most of the marauders, and she merely has to give deathly glares to stave most of them off. She does note Azumi up high and peers at her teammate curiously.... why is she hiding up there anyway?


Johnny does the splits and rams his left fist into Tran's groin. "HOHHH!" he yells. "That's for saying I had herpes at the beach party!"

He stands up, takes out another card, write his signature, and then places it on Tran's person. "Thanks for watching."

Focusing on Jezebel Faiblesse with the blind rage only a cheap, slutty television starlet with a cancelled show can bring to bear, Langray thrusts herself to her feet with a gratuitous back-arch and long, languid stretch that culminates with her arms coming together before her. Fists form and crunch together, her knuckles popping just in front of her barely-clad breasts, which are already half out of their hammocks.

"Oh, you washed-up alcoholic bitch," sneers Tia, taking a swaying step forward toward the incoming lasso. "I'm the biggest goddamn hustler you've ever seen! You don't have the FAINTEST IDEA who you're MESSING WITH!!"

Screaming the last, her rage goes nuclear too late to do anything about the hogtying, the lasso tightening about her stupidly-athletic frame, cinching her arms against her body, causing her copious chestmeats to squish so mightily that they spring from her tiny, inadequate bikini. To Tia's later probable delight, this at least draws one of her cameras away from her Going Commando partner, and sells a billion tabloids...

But here and now, she's dragged bumping and grinding across the deck, a mess of wet hair and nipples, frothing spitting rage and latent sex appeal. "Ugh! What! Shit! Fuck! Dammit! Bitch! Whore! Slut! I'm! Going! To!"

Suddenly she's at Spangles' feet, and Tia uses every muscle in her body to writhe explosively aside, attempting to sweep the other woman down on top of her and--


Sink her teeth into whatever extremity she can!

For an instant, Tran(?) looks uncertain... and then he shrugs again. Down to only having to hold one popsicle anyways, he lowers himself to a knee, leans down, and plants a kiss on Sada's foot, like it ain't no thang.


The ceiling of the RX-69 CIC suddenly explodes inwards as a sailfish-cum-missile blasts through it, its bill ending up only a few centimeters from Adam Devine(?)'s naughty parts.

There is a split second of still silence, and then everything happens at once.

Adam Devine(?) begins weeping openly, alternating shrill, wordless wailing and choking out permission for the sub to dive. Water pours through the holes in the submarine as the crew scramble to begin evasive maneuvers and start sealing the hole in the hull. MMA hopeful Phil Brooks, unsure of what else to do, hits the sailfish with the GTS so it stops flailing around.


Tran(?), no longer receiving further instructions thanks to the destruction of AD(?)'s 360 controller, continues what he had begun. After the kiss on Sada's foot, he plants one on her ankle, and then her calf. He seems, perhaps surprisingly, unperturbed by any acidic reactions... possibly even encouraged. And hey wow, it turns out he's actually pretty good at this; where his lips touch Sada's flesh there's an almost electric tingling. (There's that electric charge in his body again.)

As his mouth travels up the length of Sada's leg one kiss at a time, his free hand joins it, sliding up the back of her leg. Within fewer than five seconds, his hand is cupping her butt, and his mouth has reached her inner thighs. Things have, in fact, escalated almost more quickly than Sada can react, even if it /is/ pretty nice. And then--

-- the submarine gets far enough away that it loses the signal.

Tran(?) seizes, his hand squeezing Sada's butt painfully, and then he rises suddenly to his feet, with enough force to send Sada's chair toppling backwards, and then the table it's sat at following down onto her.

Wordlessly, Tran(?) turns and leaves.

Within a few steps, he accelerates into a run, and then into a sprint; he bowls over pirates and furniture as he charges across the yacht towards his target, and at one point takes a corner so tight he takes a chunk out of the wall with his arm. It doesn't slow him down.

And then, less than a second after Tran has a signed card placed on his person, Tran(?) arrives, and the Real American Hero's day goes from bad to worse.

Even before Tran has the time to recover emotionally from being nutpunched by Johnny Cage - let alone recover physically - he's suddenly being embraced from behind, a pair of arms wrapping around his waist.

This isn't so bad until he's suddenly yanked violently off his feet, as Tran(?) pulls him into a German suplex, smashing the back and top of the other Tran's head against the hard deck of the yacht.

Without an iota of hesitation, Tran(?) rolls Tran onto his stomach, clambers to his feet, pulls him upright, and then suplexes him again.

Just for good measure, once he has him up for the third one, he positions himself so that when Tran's head comes down this time, it slams into - and through - a metal railing.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran brings his battle systems online.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Robo-Tran        0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Tran has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Tran             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran successfully hits Tran with Brutal Throw Chain.

[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Tran             0/-------/--=====|=------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

The mermaid who is definitely not Bonne Jenet smile at Walter just widens when she sees his blush. Her eyebrows furrow as she sees him throwing golden chi around, but his attention is no longer on her. The golden orb cuts a hole through the top of the submarine, rendering it no longer a submersible, although still a ship - well, it could submerge, but likely couldn't come back up. The peg-legged pirate shakes his head at Walter. "Not cool, dude. You burn ships when you're like... trying to escalate the situation. We were just grabbing stuff. But people are beating us up, and it's not like they need this stuff. It's the violence inherent in the system that you gotta watch out for, man!"

The Lilien Knights just lie there for a moment after Johny beats them up, but other pirates help them up. The pirates, having plundered what they can, are beginning to leave the vessel, another couple of pirates grabbing hold of the older pirate with a big gap-toothed smile and a dazed expression from being asphyxiated by Tia.

The mermaid tilts her head a bit to one side, blinking at Zack, then smiles, beckons him closer. Isn't there like... a reef near that rock? It's probably not advisable to steer near there. But then his attention is elsewhere, and when she glances up for more men to entice, sees one of her pirates giving her the signal - and slips down into the ocean, swimming over around the ship towards the submarine, kicking with her tail as she does an breaststroke of sorts.

The young pirate smiles up at Jam, and salutes her. "Thanks, miss! I'll be sure to tell them!" She lowers her hand, stares up a moment longer, then smiles again and gives her a thumbs up. "...You're all right for a landlubber!" ...yes, May's anachronistic pirate lingo is starting to catch on. She tries to pick up the chest, but it's actually too heavy for her, and she's just kind of dragging it along with a determined expression, a few inches at a time. After a few moments, a few assorted pirates rush over, pick her up, place her on the treasure chest, and rush back off towards the submarine with it.

The pirates are generally leaving this ship en masse at this point, combat seems to have ensued and they really aren't the sorts to take on a ship full of fighters, even if most of the fighters seem to be facing off against each other.

...I'm aware that a cooler filled with Jam's food is not technically a treasure chest, but it might as well be to hungry pirates.

She had her now.

Nevermind the mermaids. Nevermind Johnny Cage unleashing the nutpunch. Nevermind the pirates. Finally, she had Tia. Dragging the cursing boar right to her feet, Jezebel nearly brings the heel of her boot right on Tia's head, asserting her dominance. And yet, there is no chance as the sudden writhe, the sudden spasm hits the cowgirl right at her legs. The woman comes falling down, chest first, right into Tia.

And Jezebel's breasts suddenly find themselves in Tia's open maw.

"EEEEEK!" Comes the shriek as Jezebel pulls away her chest, her bra being torn off in the teeth of the vicious Tia. Pulling an arm across her exposed chest, her face blushing bright red, the woman mounts her thighs over the lasso'd Tia. "How DARE you!" She screams, pinning down Tia as she draws her free hand back. And there, with Tia in her grasps, she begins to slap. Slap and slap, again and again, her breast slowly beginning to turn purple from the bite.

And behind her, Tran and Robo-Tran going at it.

"Hrnnnngiiiiiie!" Dr. Tran's cry of anguish is so high pitched that it would put most girls to shame. His bottle of rum shatters in his hand as tears run openly down his face. He staggers forward a step, clutching both his nards and his autograph and manages to squeak just one thing out. "This is...the happiest day of my life."

Blinded by pain, tears, and rum, Tran doesn't even register Tran(?)'s presence until he finds himself the recipient of a warm hug. Despite everything in this moment of vulnerability, Tran appreciates it a little bit, his mood improving even /more/ by this simple act of basic human kindness.

He is merely confused in the brief split-second where he is upside-down. Even when he crashes into the deck, the pain doesn't really register, thanks to the lingering agony in the doctor's jiggling, swollen-for-all-the-wrong-reasons package.

The /second/ suplex, Tran is pretty sure in the detached part of his brain that tells him how dumb he is all the time, simultaneously shatters every single one of his vertebrae.

By the time the doctor is driven through the railing by the doctor(?), since his entire existence is pain and misery, a little bit of brain trauma is almost welcome.

Less welcome: falling off the boat into the beautiful tropical waters below. Dr. Tran, completely out of it at this point, disappears into the water, leaving a slowly diminishing string of bubbles in his wake.

COMBATSYS: Tran takes no action.

[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Tran             0/-------/--=====|=------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tran has left the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Robo-Tran        0/-------/------=|

Johnny is about to see where the pirates are headed off to when...another Tran runs by. "What?!" He whirls around, baffled, as he sees the other Tran start attacking the one he just punched in the nuts. He tries to process all this. Two of them...and the other didn't seem to mention the beach party...could that mean...

"Ohhhh shit."

Johnny puts his hands to his head. "Ohhhh shit dude. Ohhhh shit!" What the hell, now it looks like the new guy is trying to kill the other guy! Who he just nut punched!

"Oh, god, dude! I sorry! I had no idea you had an evil twin! That one is totally the one that slandered me! Oh god, I'm sorry! Oh god! you need help?"

He then finally notices Jezebel. Oh there she went. Hey, a catfight! "Hey girls, this is supposed to be a nice party!" he yells. Maybe he should break it up before they kill each other; he needs Jezebel fit for their fight tomorrow. But how can he choose?

His head whips back and forth between Tran/Tran and Jezebel/Tia. Tran Fight? Cat Fight? TRAN FIGHT? CAT FIGHT?

"Burn? You have seen nothing of burning. Such shall be your eternity should you continue a life of crime and theft! Repent, and rejoice in mercy! We sinful, pride-filled creatures are the cause of the very violence you speak of."

Legs flex, and he's about to leap towards the submarine...before he spies first Sada being horrifically groped, then the fact that the beautiful mermaid(?) is gone, and finally that one Jam Kuradoberi has given these pirates food. He relaxes just a touch. He'll leave their submarine intact.

"...Even within myself." Ends the wyrmkin. Gripping his shortspear, he too takes to the skies to land upon a convenient upper railing of the yacht. In passing, as his cloak flutters, Jira in particular might catch sight of something distinctly serpentine in appearance for a moment before the silken white cloth settles. He raises his shortspear bearing hand, and that golden light consumes his spear. Utterly filled with radiance, the Church's Hunter and pet monster casts down the now golden spear towards the submarine one final time.

Rather than try to pierce it through, he aims below, trying to destroy the propellers beneath the water. Either way, that flying spear makes one heck of a wave as it's chi-boosted speed sends it downwards like a torpedo towards the Lilien Knights' vessel.

Finally, he takes the time to glare at the grope-happy Robo-tran. He /stares/ for a moment. Other-tran gets a look.

"Dishonoring a maiden! God be with you, Sir, fight for the Lady's honor as a true man!" Encourages Walter to Tran.

So too is there a glance to Jira. Face still filled with adrenaline and wyrmkin-addled joy and fury, he uses his now free hand to make the sign of the cross.

"Such a curious island. The days shall be filled with entertainment and strife alike. Hold fast, Miss. I do not believe this shall be the end of this island's curious troubles."

The camera behind Caoimhe lingers as she catches her breath amidst the chaos erupting on deck. Her back arches deeply and she closes her eyes, grimacing as a lingering ache from the aquatic explosion shoots through her spine. She holds that pose, unaware of the presentation it's giving to the ninja cameraman, as she draws in a sharp breath.

And then her eyes suddenly go wide open as Zack does... well... /something/.

The remaining tatters of wetsuit explode away like confetti as she bolts upright, revealing the rather skimpy camouflage-patterned bikini that it was previously concealing - the same swimsuit provided previously to her by the Funky King himself. The view is enough to put the camera-men back into a brief tug-of-war with the catfight. Whirling around and placing her hands on the back of her hips, Caoimhe blinks a couple of times, her face reddening.

"Oh, Mr... I mean, King Zack. Just a slight... lapse in judgment. As the... sovereign of Zack Island, I think you may want to have your waters swept for mines. I... may have located one."

The woman totters unsteadily on her feet, still apparently dazed and oblivious to the chaos around her.

Sada smirks as her foot is kissed.

But then, perhaps seized with passion at the erotic bouquet of Sada's slightly acidic skin (even now she tastes a little like white vinegar!) Sada is hoisted aloft and looks rather uncomfortable about this, before she's suddenly squeezed and slammed into her deck chair hard enough that it collapses underneath her!

It was cheap.

"Shit... this party's getting to be too much," Sada mutters to herself. "And he's not being a very good slave..."

She makes no effort to help Other Tran, though.


Tia chows down with all of her might, hearing the screams and sobs of the many children who adore Lightning Spangles and using them to power her savage disrobing. It's a moment in which she could dwell forever, knowing she's superior in talent and beauty, knowing that her oily-bra-clogged mouth has contributed to the cementing of her incredible fame. This should be the moment that makes Tia Langray!

She has hot tears of triumph in her eyes and is still chewing Jezebel's undergarments when the other woman mounts her, responding to shame and infamy with sheer violence. Trying desperately to wriggle free, the rope drenched with water and baby oil and feeling like nothing short of a steel cable. Tia's face is jerked this way and that, olive skin turning bright, blooming red as fluids spray off with each punishing slap. It's all she can do to at least try and insult her aggressor. It sounds like:

"Glkhd! Fsursd! Bncvbvpsd! Saoifhdgmbdjpdk! Aspdkasfklx! Cnbkmcnx! Fisdzdfcspdoxfsdg!"

Finally, she's had enough. Calling on the power of the Island Gods and the Lords of Network Television, she bunches her award-winning body - seen soon on at least six crappy, glossy fitness magazines near you! - and forces every muscle to explode in an instant, crunching forward with her back and neck, her knees coming up within the tight constraints of her binding to slam with a brutal *CRUNCH* into Faiblesse's spine.

With Jez's bra still wadded up in her mouth, she does the world's most unlikely v-sit in an attempt to give the loathed cowgirl the same treatment she did the Lillien Knight. The only way she can win this battle is to use her greatest assets.

"CHOKE and DIE like your CAREER! People only tune in for the Hoedown Dillo ANYWAY!!"

What's this... a curious, spear-wielding gaijin, spouting moral-monologue and... using chi. Jira is sudddenly nauseus at seeing this attack, wincing and holding her stomach.

"I do not think destruction of property is going to solve anything." she mutters, stopping herself from shivering. "If you're going to throw that nasty.. energy around, please refrain from doing so near me. Thank you." she pleads, glad the pirates are gone, this makes her job much easier... she also detects that the catfight is escalating, first breast has been drawn!

Deep beneath the waves, in a much calmer world, Ryu Hayabusa watches as the enemy submarine begins to make its retreat. They've been disabled and are no longer a threat to the safety of this island. He isn't even certain who they were or what their intentions were, but the actual pirates on the ship didn't seem to be interested in hurting anyone and he has no desire to kill his enemies if they can simply be routed.

Of course, at the moment he has no clue what has occured on the surface. He does get to see the other submarine making its escape as his legs tread the water. This would suggest in a more final form that he has managed to help protect the yacht and its passengers. Thankfully the island is full of fighters and he wasn't required to rescue the vessel entirely on his own.

It's about this moment that a body hits the water... and begins to sink. Unwilling to allow anyone to drown, regardless of which side of this conflict they're on, the ninja begins to hastily kick his feet, moving through the water like a dolphin toward the sinking form of one Dr. Tran.

The mermaid formerly known as Bonne Jenet sees a body hit the water a bit in front of her. She kicks her legs apart, tearing the mermaid outfit asunder and leaving her lower half bare except for a lowcut minimal swimsuit bottom. She dives down, wraps an arm around Tran's waist - from the back so he can't drown her as easily by flailing, if he still has the spinal capacity - pulls her close to him, and starts to kick back up to the surface. The pirate, focused on her task of rescuing the mysterious doctor, doesn't see Ryu Hayabusa stealthily closing in as she kicks her way up towards her submarine.

On the surface again, she starts swimming towards the rope one of the Lilien Knights has thrown down to her, dragging Dr. Tran with her, keeping his head above water.

Someone else has entered the water and made their way toward the good doctor. For a moment Hayabusa shows relief... until he makes notice of the fact that the swimmer is not making their way toward the yachy, but instead the pirates.

...Nobody is going to get Shanghaied on Ryu Hayabusa's watch!

The ninja's speed suddenly increases at an incredible pace, moving so fast with his ninja swimming techniques that when he breaches the water, he doesn't merely surface, he flies up into the air with an incredible splash. Time seems to slow down, allowing some imaginary camera to take in the sight of the Master Ninja's incredible ninja pose, legs drawn up high arms to the side. He moves at incredible speed, reaching into his unbuttoned shirt to pull out a set of three shuriken and launches them in the direction of the pirate...

Two deadly blades slash through the water on either side of the Bonne Jenet, and a third was aimed to target right in front of her, hopefully cutting off her escape route. However, it would seem that one of the shuriken was less a ninja star and more a ninja starfish... which, with its different aerodynamics, somehow ends up slapping right onto the blonde pirate leader's face.

"You will not kidnap any of the guests of this island on my watch! Surrender your prey and I will allow you to flee!"

He sure said a lot before hitting the water again and grabbing hold of the Doctor by the leg.

Jira gets a /look/. "Disabling a vessel filled with those who seek only chaos and material gain at the cost of others simply ensures the innocents on board this yacht shall live. I could have struck the crew quarters." Offers the priest to the woman. Then, his brow lifts.

"You are made ill by...I see. My apologies, Miss. I shall refrain from using it in your presence, when possible."

And in the midst of all of this, Walter finally spies the catfight between Jezebel and Tia. He stares. Just /stares/ in utter shock.

He's not certain that there's a maiden to be saved in either case. No, that is a trainwreck of humanity, celebrity gone horrifically wrong, and copious amounts of T&A.

"...Let your rage subside, fair..." Pause. No. /No/, those are not maidens, or ladies.

"Children! When slighted, turn the other cheek! You only attract the doom of all with such senseless violence! Embrace your fellow Child of the Lord in love and forgiveness, aught between you both laid to rest!" Chastises the priest to the pair. Loudly. Hint, dragonkin have quite the lungs. So do many priests.

Zack is grinning, of course, with his hands on his hips. Somehow, Caoimhe has been stripped of the vestiges of her wetsuit and is now resplendent in her King Zack approved swimsuit. His crown and teeth gleam with pride in whatever strange power he possesses.

"Let your judgment lapse, baby," he says easily, spreading his hands wide. "The only bomb I care about around here is you--"

And the disco ball patterned Speedo-wearing self-appointed sovereign steps in with a grandiose sweep of his cape to wrap an arm about the dazed auburn-haired woman's waist, his grin somehow, marvellously, widening.

"--and the only waters I want to sweep are yours."

Griswold toots a fanfare.

As he confidently embraces the military maiden, his gaze surveys the domain. All is well in his kingdom. The pirates have been driven back (after successfully looting everything edible or drinkable), Tia and Jezebel are providing merry entertaining (by fighting viciously), Johnny Cage autographs have been distributed to everyone, Walter is preaching the good word, and all are having a grand old time.

"So, baby, how about you and I--"

All that is missing is--


Zack, in the middle of leaning in toward Caoimhe, suddenly panics and abruptly releases her, rushing toward the railing of the ship to see where the blonde beauty might have gone. He neglected her for only an instant, and she has vanished. "Ohhhh!" he wails, reaching up to clutch at his hat/crown. "The mermanity!!!" His eyes swivel around, finally fixated on the submarine that Walter's knightly blasts have damaged.

And then he sees her ... and him.

Zack stares in shock and awe to see another man in Not Bonne Jenet's arms. A man that the world knows, loves, and fears. He closes his eyes, unable to bear it, missing by an instant Hayabusa's starfish intervention. From deep within his soul, from some forgotten time, Zack feels himself endowed with a single word, which bursts from his lips as he shakes his fists at the bright unfeeling sky.


Jam stands there and waves happily at the departing pirates as they retreat with her cooler full of food in tow. It is only then that Jam realizes that she might have been swindled. "Hey!" She declares loudly before breaking into a light giggle. And yet, somehow she doesn't feel bad about it at all. The little pirate was cute and she earned that cooler full of meatbuns and other assorted Chinese food delights even if it was a con job. Jam glances down at herself before shrugging her shoulders. Well, she did get a killer tan from laying out here so it wasn't all a lost cause.

And speaking of lost causes, Jam glances over at the chaos that was happening elsewhere on the yacht. Someone gets thrown overboard and there seems to be a knock-down, drag out brawl going on between two people that Jam had never seen before. Between the two attractions, Jam decides to run over and see what's happening with the guy whom went overboard. The young martial artist peers over and sees that someone saved him! "Way to go! You saved him, I think!" She cheers happily on from above.

Oh, the ninja and the pirate totally saved Tran. Johnny witnesses this and breathes a sigh of relief. Well, at least people were quick on the draw.

Johnny's decided he's had enough action for one day. He needs a nap and a fresh drink. He walks past where Jezebel and Tia are still fighting it out. "Don't work yourself up too much Jez, we got a big day tomorrow," he says as if they were playing. "Don't worry, the Hoedown Dillo's gonna give 'em a REAL hootenanny, YEEHAW!" He pumps his fist and walks into the yacht for a comfy couch.

"Totally crunching this nap," He says, leaping on and striking a model's spread pose and closing his eyes.

"Mngnngnmbj!" Bonne Jenet rips the starfish from her face, leaving welts from where it was innocently trying to grab onto her face for comfort, and /glares/ at Ryu Hayabusa, treading water. "I'm trying to rescue this gentleman because he was drowning, you idiot!" She shakes her head, staring at Ryu Hayabusa. "And I'm hardly going to leave him in the hands of an assassin!" She looks over to her Lilien Knights. "Get out of here, you idiots!" The submarine engine revs up, and it starts speeding away at a decent clip.

She pauses, as she sees Zack shout out 'Mermaid' and 'Tran' overdramatically, she tilts her head a bit to one side, then hears another person person congratulating them. She furrows her eyebrows a little. "If someone wants to be useful, throw us a rope or something!"

The former mermaid looks back to the ninja master, her anger somewhat ameliorated by getting to shout at people. "Leave him in my hands for a moment, and I'll bring him back up onto the ship. You make sure he doesn't get thrown off again." She raises an eyebrow. "Deal?"

Well, now that the mode of escape has started to retreat, it becomes a bit easier for Hayabusa to believe the claims of Bonne Jenet. Certainly the pirates hadn't shown any interest in kidnapping before... but theft and kidnapping are simply different layers of the same general crime of taking things that belong to you. Which gets more awkward when you think of people as "things that don't belong to you."

Under these specific circumstances, with Jenet no longer attempting to flee, and in fact doing her best to get back onto the yacht with the good doctor, that Ryu Hayabusa decides to quite simply make things simpler. No ropes will be needed.

"I can handle both parts of this task..." Hayabusa says as he suddenly makes a quick motion with his fingers, bright lights going off around him... and then he climbs out of the water onto the water by grabbing the water.

Yes, Ryu Hayabusa is standing on the surface of the water.

He then reaches down, grabbing Bonne Jenet and hauling her up... which drags Tran up as well. He lifts both of them into a princess carry, that by sheer virtue of their current positioning means that Bonne Jenet is now resting directly in the ninja's arms with Tran layed across her.

Seemingly having no trouble with this new load, Hayabusa leaps off the water, all the way up the side of the boat to then land on the deck.


Caoimhe's head is spinning.

Whether it's the lingering aftereffects of the concussive blast beneath the waves or the whirlwind greeting from the King of Zack Island is hard to say. One hand slips up to her head, her fingers running into her red-hued locks, wringing them as they continue to drip saltwater onto her face. When Zack's arm slips around her slim waist, she tenses momentarily, but doesn't pull away. There's something vaguely comforting to the oft-uptight woman about the man's brazen manner of carefreeness. Her green eyes blink a couple of times when Zack starts to make some kind of proposition to her. She gazes up at the Funky Captain, trying to formulate a response as she relaxes her weight into his arms.


And then, abruptly, she's released. The commando's arms flail momentarily as her support is lost, and her feet slip on the wet deck of the ship. Before she can do anything, Delaney falls, knocking her head against a railing, and lands on her back on the deck. Her eyes flutter briefly and fall shut. It seems that she's down for the count.


As Jezebel slap, slap, slaps away Tia's offensiveness, in spite of her bra gag. She had her. She had the man-stealer. Every blow was like a hammer from Jezebel, the cowgirl pinning her down cowgirl style. When all of a suddenly, she is bucked. Jezebel is slammed face first into Tia's chest.

And there, she is trapped.

"MMPH! MMPH!" Was the groan as she fights, fights with the heaving bosem of the Muay Thai fighter. Trapped in the marshmallow hell that was Tia's endowed chest, the cowgirl struggles... for a moment. Soon, the fighting grows weaker and weaker, until finally, finally. Jezebel goes limp, deaf to the words of the pastor.

Jezebel soon collapses, helpless in the bosom of Tia.

Azumi had sat upon the roof of the boat for some time now, letting the craziness of a full blown catfight, pirate attack, and a few explosions play out, with the werewolf remaining out of nearly everyone's sight. She stifles a yawn as the minutes had certainly ticked by while she was up here. She waits a bit more before finally jumping downwards and landing on deck. She stifles a large yawn before looking for the door to head back down below decks.

"She's gone, she's been stolen from me!"

Zack is blubbering incoherently, completely missing out on the ninja antics that have commenced and, of course, Caoimhe's tragic fall occurring in the background. His hands cover his face, his captain's hat and crown both slipping low, as he begins to wail.

"Pops! Is there no justice!? Is there no salvation for me!?"

Commodore Captain Admiral King Zack weeps in dismay at the absence of meaning from this cursed world, for without a sexy mermaid wife, what value is there in an island paradise and appropriated yacht?

He stumbles to the side, not really looking where he's going, and almost bumps into Jam, who has approached the railing to see the rescue taking place, the very rescue that has so devastated Zack. "Jam!" he exclaims, reaching out his hands, uncovering his tear-stained face. "My mermaid queen! She's been stolen away! I am powerless, laid low, undone!"

Truly, the king, in this profoundly vulnerable moment, needs comfort.

"Though, damn, girl, you're lookin' good again today," he adds conversationally.

Bonne Jenet blinks as Ryu Hayabusa picks her up, her eyes widening as he then stands on the water and leaps up onto the ship. Holding two not overly huge people up at once in an awkward princess carry, jump high into the air, stand on the water - pick one, she can do it, as long as you don't pick 'stand on water'. But he just did all three at once, seemingly effortly. "Impressive." Her tone of voice sounds more flirtatious than impressed, even if she is, in fact, impressed. She moves a hand up over Dr. Tran's chest, trying to feel his heartbeat.

She glances around the ship, looking a whole lot like the earlier mermaid, if with legs instead of a tail. "Is there a doctor on board?" She sounds mildly concerned. She's unaware of the irony of asking this while holding Dr. Tran, who is definiately a real doctor, in her arms.

The wyrmkin priest casts a sympathetic glance to the liege of the island from on high.

"Rejoice, oh King Zack! For though your lovely aquatic beau is lost to you, the good Lord is merciful! You have been blessed with the sight of a creature of myth, a beauty that you must hold tight to your heart! Never let her perfect form, her most...slick scales leave your mind! And even as you cling to her memory, with your burning love and passion, do not forget!"

Walter points his spear dramatically at Zack! Golden chi, radiant and burning, bursts around the priest. All for emphasis. Maybe /he/ should have gone into showbusiness.

"Deep and untold are the mysteries of the world! Your first hunt has succeeded! For the next?" Dramatic pause. Walter turns, and looks towards the sunset.

"Zack, King of Zack Island! May you accept this most holy mission! Bring to we possessed of inferior style and funk, the most rare and undiscovered of beauties! Your next hunt must be for the wild, untamed, cunning kitsune!" Charges the pious priest of the grand ruler. Surely a fox-hunt would not go nearly as badly as today's outing. /Surely/.

Jira glances up from her less-than-impressed state with the... manthing of faith when Hayabusa returns to the boat. The star of this episode of Jira's Journal for sure! The ninja is carrying two people and had found purchase to jump onto the yacht. She quietly asks her partner when she can do those kinds of things. Her gaze lingers on Hayabusa, diligently guarding his gear and... uh, keeping it warm, yes, with her seat. Yes, all of that. Damnit, she's got another crush.


Tia gasps, her expansive chest indeed heaving as she struggles to inhale fresh bursts of sea air. It turns out, attempting to murder people with your boobs is rather draining - and boy is she sore! But her cheeks glow now with more than just the ringing slaps of Lightning Spangles. She's triumphant! She is the greatest superstar! Tia grins broadly and thrusts the insensible cowgirl off her with a sidelong heave of her body.

"That's a WRAP, BITCH!" She half-sneers, half-shrieks, her voice practically histrionic by this point and her throat absolutely parched from screaming and yelling. She should probably do something about that, and about her... situation. She flops about on the deck, all oily and wet and hogtied, until she comes across a pair of legs that she soon realizes appear to be addressing her in all-too-formal fashion. Her ears are ringing.

Uh oh.

Time to turn on the charm.

"Good sir," she mewls, somewhat seductively because of course she does, turning hazel eyes upward and half-rolling onto her back so she can make eye contact with Walter. "My sin is only that I fought back in self-defense! This callow strumpet would have seen me hang for crimes I did not commit! Um." Wow, this is HARD without a script. Remembering her least favourite acting job ever, she recovers, and bats her eyelashes. "Won't you free me from my entrapment that I might swim free once again?"

Oh yes, Menstrual Mermaids 7: Riding the Crimson Wave. Not a highlight.

Jam keeps on cheering until the lady pirate rightly points out that there was something she could be doing to -help-. The young chef turns a shade of red. "Oh! Sorry! I'll look for something!" She calls out to the pirate and overboard guys before turning to the nearby Zack. Jam then tilts her head to the side when she looks between him and his -mermaid- queen. Those big brown eyes of hers blink before she smiles brightly at him. She did look good! And finally someone noticed! "Thanks! I look even better now thanks to the awesome tan I got!" Jam says quite happily to Zack in complete and utter forgetfulness of those who went overboard. While she doesn't leap into Zack's outstretched arms, she does put her hands on her hips and smile brightly at him.

A long pause later, Jam snaps her fingers as she finally remembers what she was doing before the compliment. "Oh, do you have a life-saver?" Another pause. "Not for your breath but for the...." The young chef trails off when Ryu ninja flips the overboard guy, the rescuing pirate, and himself onto the ship deck. "....overboard people. Wow, that was so cool!"

Again, Bonne Jenet makes Jam feel pretty stupid for not actually doing anything to help. She turns back to Zack for help. "Zack, forget the life-saver, do you have one of those shock thingees?" The young woman asks in an attempt to be helpful!

Having returned successfully to the vessel with all of the other parties of the water rescue, Hayabusa is careful as he lowers both of them down to the deck. This does require that they remain more or less next to each other for the time being, as pulling them up in one big pile was notably quicker than taking them separately under each arm... which probably would have been more comfortable for those involved, but Tran certainly wasn't in any condition to complain.

"...Zack, I have managed to recover one of your passengers, as well as the... mermaid. However, it's rather more obvious now that she was a distraction laid by the pirate group to allow their primary submarine to dock, while the other created further distractions with depth charges."

Okay, so he hasn't managed to get the perfect picture of what's going on right now. He's also managed to somehow get his ponytail loose, leaving long brown hair to hang over his shoulders, clinging to his wet body. Somehow he also lost the shirt, which means merely bared flesh and a speedo for all to see.

A voice calls out, belonging to none other than the strumpet-slash-not-maiden Tia. His gaze narrows for a moment as she simply heaves off her pitiable (?) opponent from a heaping of bosom. The priest turns aside, coughing. Bad thoughts, Walter. The man touches his cross. God give him strength in the face of such shameless women.

He'll bloody need it. Father Walter Bardsley is a certified white knight, and /very/ bad with women in general. Those batting eyes. That seductive voice. And the woman's tied up, like a princess deposited in the lair of a dragon.

Rubbing a hand over his face, twin weapons thrust into the boat, the priest leaps from above and down into the oily mess.

"Fear you not, fair L.." Oh /God/ it hurts to finish this sentence. Where's Johnny Cage when you need a nutpunch to feel better?

"Lady! Your bonds shall be set free with faith and fury!"

Then Walter contacts the ground. The man clearly wasn't thinking, as this is oily ground. And even he can't quite keep his footing. Down the pious priest tumbles, those knock-off italian shoes slipping as his now utterly scarlet face descends upon the personage of Tia.

In the next few seconds, there's lots of scrabbling, grabbing, rolling, and yet rope finds itself cut for no visible reason other than those oddly nailed hands of Walter's are likely grabbing places that simply shouldn't be grabbed from a man such as himself. On the upside, those are dextrous and well-honed hands we're talking about. The poor priest may well be blushing throughout his entire body.

Walter prays that there are no cameras capturing this. The vatican will have /so/ many difficult questions for him.

And what a crush to have! Jira's resisting that instinct to gawk and appraise Hayabusa. But she hardly knows, or has given introduction to this man, so she crosses her arms over her stomach and mentally bites her tongue. For some reason, her internal alarms of illicit, adult doings are going -wild-. She can't fathom why with her stare as it is.

There's the most astonishingly lilting, girlish and yet somehow completely raunchy giggle from Tia Langray as she's addressed - appropriately, of course - as a Lady. Rolling fully onto her back, she keeps her head slightly tilted, angling her athletic frame within the rope binding to give her the most possible exposure to her saviour. It's not just hazel eyes that are staring right at him.

There she is, oiled-up and ready, when he's suddenly falling RIGHT ON HER. Her thoughts are somewhere between 'FML' and 'actually this is pretty fun' while he makes a complete mess of proceedings, those nails catching her flesh and raising not just small welts but moans of pain/pleasure from the irrepressibly awful reality star. At some point she finds her face next to his and goes to steal a kiss for no other reason than that she *can*, and well, his face is so delightfully red... it's sweet, really...

Once she's finally free, Langray slithers around Walter and hops to her full height above him, balancing herself passing well on the oil-slick deck. She's used to it. Stretching her arms above her head, she sighs with absolute pleasure, and throws a big, beaming smile down onto the poor, defiled priest. Cupping a breast suggestively, she tosses him a wink and blows him a kiss, then her expression abruptly changes--

--as she goes over to the fallen Spangles and kicks her with full-force in the ribs. Once, twice, and a third time!

"That's! What you! Get!"

Huffing, Tia falls back and puts her hands on her knees, bending down to look the insensible cowgirl right in the stupid, freckled face. She smiles again, probably because she's a FRIGGIN' PSYCHO, and lifts one hand to sketch a cute finger-sparkling wave.

"Good luck with your match tomorrow, Faiblesse~"

All this done, Tia stands, folds her arms behind her head and saunters off with only the tiniest, most shameless scrap of material rendering her technically 'not naked'. Hopefully the pirates didn't steal ALL the drinks from the bar.

Tran(?) spends awhile... well, just sort of standing there, apparently in shock that he has just murdered Tran. Eventually, however, he starts to head back towards Sada...

... at least until Ryu drags Tran onto the deck. His head slowly turns to face the growing crowd around the grievously injured Doctor, and a malevolent aura seems to spring up around him, waves of pure hate casting into the sky.

Deliberately, Tran(?) turns towards the fallen Tran...

... and then the submarine surfaces enough to regain a signal.


Adam Devine(?) is still weeping openly, apparently having an anxiety attack, while Marvel writer Phil Brooks clumsily pilots Robo-Tran with the mouse and keyboard. He hates it.


Tran(?) quietly turns away from the crowd around Tran and quicksteps over to Sada again, scrambling to help the girl out of the pile of chair remains if she hasn't risen already. "I'm sorry about that," he says meekly. "I went a little far. I didn't think I'd trigger because of the age difference - I mean, no offense, you're a very pretty young lady - but I guess I should take it more seriously, even if it hasn't been a problem in such a long time."

Walter did not know that depravity could be brought to quite these depths. Hands are in delectably soft places. The priest finds that yes, Tia is as athletic as she appears, and yes, oil does interesting things when trying to free rope from ladies. No, he didn't mean to squeeze there, but lord help him he doesn't regret it. Yet. /That/ squeeze he does regret, likely for life. Then there's a stolen kiss of soft lips.

Walter's gaze softens a moment. There's an almost boyish look, bordering on a crush for a moment. He can hardly speak.

"M...Miss Tia..." Why is his heart beating so fast? He doesn't even care about how ruined his cloathes are. That tail of his is ramrod straight at this point, amongst other things.

As Tia Langray stretches, Walter gasps at the oily, completely disgraceful sight. Shame and pure draconic greed war. Exhaustion wins out, the last thing he sees is a frankly obscene amount of the well-toned fighter's flesh. Still red to the core, covered in oil, and his dignity as a priest all but visibly crushed in the wake of Tia and his own knightly tendencies, the priest passes out.

There /is/ a smile on his face, however. Perhaps he should watch more tv after all.

One moment, Zack is wiping tears from his eyes.

"Oh, baby!"

The next, he is standing ramrod straight, grinning expansively.

The difference: Jam is striking a pose and smiling at him.

"My heart, it's healed!" he exclaims, placing one hand upon his chest and sweeping the other out like a true thespian. "Jam, you have breathed life into my--" Life saver? Has he been breathing on her? Did he eat one too many cocktail shrimp? As the Kingodore Admiratan is uncharacteristically flustered, floundering and in need of support--


The priest's words reach him. Zack pivots on the deck, nodding with passionate abandon as Walter, apparently beginning his distasteful liberation of Tia, imparts unto him a sacred trust.

"I'll do it! I'll find a--"

And then Ryu Hayabusa, as is typical, solves everything.


Within moments, Zack is running across the deck of the Excellent in slow-motion toward where Bonne Jenet now is, ignoring his unconscious love rival Tran (or at least one of them) and the faithful Hayaboogie. His cape flapping in the breeze, crown twinkling in the tropical sun, for all the chaos around him, at long last, all shall be made right, and his quest shall be complete.

The ship abruptly grinds to a stop.

Accompanied by a horrible scraping sound as the vessel runs aground on the reef toward which he previously directed it, Zack stumbles, slips on a puddle of oil -- how did /that/ get there? -- and falls in a heap, hitting his head on his own crown and lying still. As still as the ship.

"Ooook!" warns Griswold, a little too late.

But where was Lee Chaolan, in all of this?

Lee Chaolan stands on the beech, , completely nude. How he got there? A complete mystery. But as he stands there, he watches his yacht, a smirk most decidely NOT on his face. In one hand, was a high-ball glass. In the other hand, sunglasses. He had, from a distance, been enjoying the oil fight between Jezebel and Tia. But with that over, and the pirates dealt with, and Tran wars settled, and his partner was unconscious. But now? The fact that his yacht had hit a reef? There was really only one thing left to do. Falling to his knees, he throws his arms into the air...

And flashes two pairs of thumbs up.


furrows her brow at Ryu Hayabusa's words of her likely being a decoy - and after she went to all the trouble to save that random civilian, too. She smiles at Zack as he runs towards her, blinks as the ship grinds to a halt, but luckily the trust weight of Dr. Tran is there to hold her down. She looks over to see Zack has gotten knocked out, and rolls her eyes. She wriggles out from under Dr. Tran, and stands up.

She looks up at Ryu Hayabusa, smiles. "Well, I'll leave the rest of this in your capable hands, Mister Assassin. Since I trust you can deal with anything, even a shipwreck like this." Both figuratively and literally. She blows the ninja master a kiss, then starts to walk towards the beached edge of the ship, a bit of a sway in her hips as she walks.

Jam frowns utterly and completely when she gets abandoned by Zack. Here she was being super cute and he runs over to the mermaid instead. Well, she was something of a heroine for saving a drowning guy and stuff. And besides, any guy that didn't realize how good she looked and how awesome she was wasn't worth her time. And so, Jam is only mad at Zack for all about thirty seconds before regaining that smile of hers.

But suddenly the yacht runs aground and Jam flails her arms against the railing to save herself. Phew that was all too close! But she does catch a glimpse that Zack had fallen and knocked himself out. Ha, serves him right! Jam triumphantly walks off into the sun...only to step over an oily patch of the deck herself and go skidding off the side of the yacht and into the sand of the nearby beach. A dazed Jam picks herself up and groggily glances off at a glint of nearby white. "Aiyyyyyyyyyaa!"

Er wait... yes, there is a problem that explains why she's suddenly seeing Hayabusa-san standing sideways. The yacht had stalled out on the reef and inertia had decided to kick her off the cooler. BUT, none of the gear she was guarding was harmed, or displaced beyond the rod falling over off the cooler and whacking Jira. Ow.

With that, and the shouts of 'Excellent' and 'Aiya' from the background, her stare is broken. She gets up to her feet, stumbling on the now-solid flooring and coming up to where Ryu had deposited the mermaid and doctor. "Hayabusa-san, I'd like to talk to you later. I need to find my teammate." she murmurs, giving a bow, and retreating to hunt down Azumi.

Up on the deck of the grounded yacht, Tia Langray is distantly aware that there's something she should be doing. Topless, barely bottomed, and with an emptied bottle of rum beside her, she lies there in the oily, sunstruck debris...

...and decides it's probably not important. She yawns, and cracks an eye open to see one of the Breakers Revenge camera crew pointing his lense right at her.

Grinning, she closes her eyes and stretches like a sexy furless cat.

All's well that ends well.

Log created on 20:48:20 02/06/2015 by Zack, and last modified on 03:18:30 02/07/2015.