Trouble in Paradise - TIP W1 - Showup Hoedown Posse vs Going Commando

Description: [OOC] Johnny Cage says, "god what would I even say about this mess"

Tranquil Beach really did live up to its name.

Found on the northern shore of Zack Island, the beach was quiet. Peaceful. Serene. A massive, hollowed out rock formation hangs over the beach, and in tandem with the jungle, it is sheltered from the rest of the island. It is the site for island-goers to relax in private, for couples to go swinging on a giant palm tree swing, play a match of volleyball, or even to take pictures of the wildlife.

Such as the meerkats.

The meerkats were not native to the island. And yet, they were covered all over Tranquil Beach. Popping in and out of holes, poking their heads out, and generally leaving heaps of meerkat scat all over the place, they could almost be considered to be pests. Killing them, however, would be considered in bad taste. Nobody wanted to see televised meerkats being slaughtered by the hundreds. But there couldn't be such an infestation of meerkats on the island. So an alternative was found.

A Tiki-ternative.

A massive, wooden tiki statue sits in the sand of the tranquil beach. The twisted visage glowers, sticking an ebon tongue out amongst the polished wood teeth. Its eyes were wide, and almost animal-like in its wooden exterior. This was Pes Tee, the Tiki God of the Beasts. The great tiki god needed appeasement, as it sat before the ring. And it would not find them in the camera crews, nor would he find them in the judges in place to watch over the fight. No, it would find them in only two ways. IN the spirit of battle.

And caging all those animals.

Lightning Spangles strides across the sands, dressed in, what else, a full American-Flag Bikini. With the stars on the right chest, and the stripes on the left, she strides through the sands bearing a cowboy hat upon her head. Her red and white striped bikini bottom does little to conceal her form, and with every step comes the wiggle of the hips. Smiling brightly, all the cameras seem dead fixed on her. Though not necessarily her body.

It might be the luggage-sized cages and traps she was pulling along with her.

Arriving with Jezebel is none other than JOHNNY CAGE, wearing the same tight-fitting top tier swim trunks as at the beach party, with a few extras: a western-style vest, a fake armadillo nose on a string around his head, and a headband with dillo ears. Shades too, of course. Johnny is NEVER seen without them. Cage is NOT carrying a cage, but his assistants are happy to help out. "Yeah, just set 'em...yeah, there! Right there. A little to the left...okay no, maybe BACK a bit. YEAH, right there that's /perfect/!"

He gives Jezebel a thumbs up.

Trouble in Paradise?

International FIGHTING SUPERSTAR Tia Langray has been criminally unvinvolved in the buildup to her opening match on the woefully-named Zack Island. That's why she has 'people' - a team of unfortunates assigned the task of bigging up her name and giving her ample opportunity to rake in the biggest of big bucks. The point is; everything's so large, does she really need to DO anything? All she actually needs to do...

Is show up.

Twin rotary blades herald the arrival of Muay Thai's second most delusional export, a sleek red-and-black helicopter screaming at a ferocious angle across the interior jungle of Zack's island paradise, throwing up dust and outlying monkeys as the pilot cuts a dangerous entrance to the airspace above the beach. Yeah, monkeys. The little buggers have been mooching around in their treetop homes, hanging precariously enough in their usually peaceful habitat that it's small wonder they're now whipped into a fuzzy, ooking and eeking tornado. There's crap flying everywhere - and not just from the mouth of Jezebel Faiblesse.

Standing up in the wildly veering 'copter, Tia seems utterly unperturbed by the motion, keeping her balance with muscles bunching and contracting in time with the relative shifting of gravity. Only at the final lurching shift from travelling to hovering does she lift a hand to lean out over the open side, hazel eyes burning with bright, and possibly-misplaced confidence as she snatches with the opposite set of digits for the wired microphone dangling from the mechanical bird's interior.

Down below, one of the cameramen focuses his lense up high, and pointedly doesn't zoom in for a close-up; it's not in the script yet, because first... speech! Speech!

"Good MORNING, Vietnam!" Tia's brash, heavily-Americanized tone pounds in stereo from twin speakers mounted to either side of her aerial mount. "This is Tia Langray, coming to you LOUD, PROUD and SERIOUS with a message about the environment;" She pauses, glancing up at the script mounted in a clear plastic wallet and stuck to the interior above her head. "...seriously?" She mutters, the mic just barely picking her up. Back to business quickly, she hollers, "Sometimes, even the cutest critters can cause a problem, and endanger the fragile eco-system! It's at times like these, dear friends--"

Suddenly she lets out a whoop, and punches a fist into the howling wind outside. This seems to serve as a signal, because a moment later a trio of large, weighted nets *explode* from turrets mounted below the chopper, and spiral down toward the meerkat hordes below. And, doubtless, any cowgirls or Dillos that might happen along.

"That we need to roll out for an All-American CULL! Ladies, gentlemen, and wild ones of all ages-- I'm Tia Langray, and I'm gonna clean up this sorry excuse for a backwater holiday resort; me, and my partner, the one and the only--"

She squints, tries to work out who the hell her partner *is*. And that name! "Who?! Uh--"

"Cow-me-hee! DEEEE-LANEY!"

At which point pyrotechnics go off along the jungle line, scorching any little primates not already dragged screaming into the air, and hopefully stunning a few meerkats. More to the point, this serves as the introduction to her partner. No, really, until Caoimhe - who hopefully received the script sent along to her luxurious hotel suite and marked 'SUPER IMPORTANT, READ NOW' - makes her entrance, Tia has no idea who she is.

Oh, there's gonna be trouble, alright.

COMBATSYS: Tia has started a fight here.

==*== ELSEWHERE ==*==

"Wait a minute. We didn't have time to set up pyros for Army Girl's entrance," the recording supervisor remarks in bewilderment to one of the video techs as the live feed plays in a nearby studio. The video tech looks up at her and shrugs.

==*== BACK ON THE BEACH, ZACK ISLAND ==*== There is prepared, and then there is crazy-prepared.

And then, there is Caoimhe Delaney.

After the chain of pyrotechnics detonates along the treeline, inverted bulk-sized picnic baskets (likely looted from the island's facilities) start to drop from the trees, the cords keeping them elevated severed by the mini-explosions. The meerkats along the treeline, wide-eyed and stunned by the series of blasts, are easily caught in the baskets, leading soon to a bunch of baskets sliding around the beach and bumping haplessly into trees.

Back in the treeline, a lone figure, wearing a combat helmet, dressed in a camouflage tank top and battle dress pants and covered in matching camo paint, tucks a lighter into her pocket and lets out a growl.

"She fucked my name up, didn't she?"

Seconds later, Caoimhe Delaney bursts from the treeline. The athletically built soldier has a makeshift tactical harness on - actually a life vest in camo pattern with a bunch of velco straps sewn on - and, clinging to it, what looks like a bunch of...


For whatever reason, Delaney has chosen to adorn herself with coconuts and pineapples. Over her shoulder, what looks like a loaded firework launcher with an attached strap is slung. And, rolling along the ground next to her feet, is... a beachball.

Perhaps it can all be explained by the rum bottles that are tucked into her utility belt.

"Sergeant Caoimhe Delaney..."

What was her line, again?

"Reporting for an All-American ass-kicking!"

As she finishes delivering that god-awful line, another explosion rocks the treeline behind her.

==*== ELSEWHERE ==*==

"That wasn't ours either, was it?"


==*== THE BEACH ==*==

Caoimhe glances back over her shoulder.

"Shite. Guess that one wasn't stable after all," she mutters under her breath.

And Lightning Spangles gives The Hoedown Dillo a thumbs up right back.

Putting the cages down, Lightning Spangles she keeps that smile bright. "Great work, my Fiddlin' Pardner!" She praises full heartly, grinning so broad, so wild. She turns to the cameras. "However y'all! I'm Lightning Spangles, and this here is my pardner, the Hoedown Dillo! And today, not only are we going to fight, but are going to teach you all an important lesson on animal conservation-

Lightning Spangles is drowned out by the sound of a helicopter.

The drone of an onrushing Helicoptor comes in, buzzing loudly as the chatter of flung monkeys fill the sky. The woman turns around, staring with wide-eyes and slack-jaw at the sheer audicity of what was going on. She didn't know who this person was, or what she was doing, but the moment that the helicopter evens out, and she sees that woman poke her head out, Lightning Spangles stops smiling, and just grits her teeth. Crossing her arms across her chest, she stares up at the woman as she steals -her- thunder. And finally, when the nets come, and strike her squarely, trapping her in a manner that was very similar to some of her old movies (and certain deviantart pieces). And yet, as she falls to her bottom into the sand, all she can say is this:

"An All-American -WHAT!?-"

The response is a full-scale explosion, ripping apart the poor monkeys. Lightning Spangles -gasps- as she stares at the monkeys flying through the air. Standing back up, she fights against the weighted net, flailing about it as she looks at the real victims here: The trapped meerkats, in the nets. Three of them, in fact, as it must be a family of them. A mommy. A daddy. And a baby. And all three look up at Lightning Spangles. Tears in their eyes.

And soon, tears are in her eyes.

"Oh no!" Cries Lightning Spangles, finally hurling off the net. Turning towards her partner, the Hoedown Dillo, she puts her hands on her hips. "Look at that, the Hoedown Dillo! We've come to save all these innocent furry animals, and relocate them at a zoo, where they would be happy every day and all day." She points a finger not at Tia, because she wants to ignore Tia so much right now, but instead at the woman who had bursted from the tree line. "But there is no time to explain to the kids the important of conservation! We have to hurry up and stop these... stop these..."


Lightning Spangles falls into her defensive stance, bouncing in the rythm of her swimsuit. Arms ready in a guard, she begins to bounce from leg to leg, staring at Caoimhe with fierce American eyes, before glancing aside up at Tia. And then back to Caoimhe. "Which one do you want, the Hoedown Dillo? Because I know you are good at a fiddlin'..."

"But these poachers might need a whoopin'!"

COMBATSYS: Jezebel has joined the fight here.

Johnny looks up and stares at Tia's entrance. He had to admit, he was impressed. The helicopter was a nice touch, as was the speech from her perch. He dodges to the side to avoid any stray nets. All the while, he is thinking. Did he bang Tia once? At a party? Johnny first reminds himself he'd never stoop to sleeping with reality tv stars unless they were really, really hot. Wait, maybe it was that French savate princess that he is pretty sure got in a catfight with the loud Muay Thai up above once. It's been a while since he saw that stupid show. Was it the same show? He can't remember.

Man, those Muay Thai people were weird as hell.

"That chick is totally showing us up right now," Johnny whispers to Jezebel. Then more explosions as Caoimhe makes her entrance. "Wow," he says without much enthusiasm. Jezebel seems fired up though, and Johnny goes right along with it with a shrug. He assumes his own jeet kune do based stance, hopping up and down anticipating a fight. "You're darn tootin', Jezzy!" he says, immediately switching to a well practiced Westerny accent, almost as if a different person is talking. "We gotta stop these EVIL POACHERS from settin' these little critters on fire and explodin'!" He figures a fight between Caoimhe and Jezebel would be suitably good for the cameras, to see who was more AMERICA.

He points up at the helicopter. "I got the crazy girl in the helicopter!"

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage has joined the fight here.

That's... that's her partner? That's the future legend she's tagging with?

Tia would love to be disgusted and appalled, and she is - really, she is - Caoimhe's basically literally nobody and that entrance rivalled her own. It wasn't entirely what she'd planned back in the comfort of her Thai beach condo... but she couldn't have orchestrated anything better. The future Empress of Muay Thai grits her teeth. Delaney doesn't have any name value, doesn't even have a *proper name*...

And she's got no fashion sense whatsoever. So why is she so damn cool?

"Oh no," hisses Langray, hurling her mic out into the wild blue yonder. It rebounds on its industrial-quality lead, barely missing her face as she ducks aside. "I am *not* being shown up by some nameless dyke... it's go time..." Oh yeah.

By bizarrely complementary contrast to her apparent partner's businesslike attire, Tia is dressed like the sluttiest commando that ever penetrated enemy lines. Her muscular, aggressively-feminine torso is questionably-'covered' with an improvised scrap of a jungle camo boobtube, the skimpy material riding high on her expansive chest to flash monkey, meerkat and foe alike with a shameless quantity of delectable underboob. Smears of dark green paint have been applied to the curvaceous flesh, matching similar unruly lines along the crest of her cheekbones.

Her bottom half is no less scandalous, army surplus fatigue pants cut down to a pair of militarized Daisy Dukes that reveal just enough flesh to make it clear she's got sweet Fanny Adams underneath; oh, you'd better believe it, Langray is Goin' Commando.

The package is completed - or near enough, for THIS tournament - with a pair of heavy steel-toed boots, a blood-red bandanna and the would-be Empress' customary handwraps. She's striking the balance between business and pleasure, holding back only what little is left to the imagination. Brawn and breast. Titillation...

"Let's GO!!"

...and descending armageddon, as the Muay Thai superstar kicks off from the hovering chopper into a tight somersault. A flash of unrefined chi follows the rising arc of one powerful leg as it's flung heavenward and then brought down at the apex of the jump. Way, way down, in fact. All the way to the ground she goes, hazel eyes narrowed and intent upon the real subject of her 'cull'; the Hoedown Dillo.

Exploding right into the fight, Tia's combat-booted heel plows toward the space between adorable ears, seeking to rebound from the strike into another somersault, landing only to flash a broad, predatory grin at her freshly-gimmicked Las Vegan nemesis.

"You got nothin', Hoedown Dillo. Time to fiddle while you BURN!!"

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage blocks Tia's Air Soul Spike.

[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Tia              0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0          Jezebel
[  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Johnny Cage      0/-------/-------|

One gloved hand presses into the other, knuckles cracking, as the auburn-haired Special Forces Engineering Sergeant shifts her gaze between the two celebrities opposite her on the beach. Her pale green eyes come to rest on Johnny Cage for a long moment, looking him up and down as she pops her neck.

"You look ridiculous," she tells the Hoedown Dillo as she reaches down to pluck one of the pineapples with which she is festooned from the velcro of her vest. She then turns to the All-American Cowgirl. Her expression is deadly serious. "And as for you, Lightning Spangles..." There's a tense pause, and then, "...I'd just like to say that, as a positive role model for young Americans, I know that you command a great deal of respect from those of us in the Armed Forces, myself included! And that's why I would like to say that -"

She's cut short by her partner's sudden descent from the helicopter overhead, her own shouting to be heard over the blades of the chopper drowned out by Tia's threat to Hoedown Johnny. Caoimhe glances up briefly before returning her eyes to Jezebel.

"= I apologize in advance, but my mission is to destroy you!"

With that, Caoimhe charges forward, pulling the leafy top from the pineapple, then leaping into the air and hefting the pineapple in her hands with both hands before spiking it down toward the superstar cowgirl. It's no ordinary pineapple, either - the fruit is rigged to blow much like a grenade for which it provides a namesake, sending prickly citrus chunks flying at high speed from the point of impact.

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe has joined the fight here on the left meter side.

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe successfully hits Jezebel with When In Doubt.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/-----==|-------\-------\0              Tia
[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////////  ]
Jezebel          0/-------/---====|-------\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Tia's outfit is the REAL reason Johnny went with her, rowr. He smiles as he looks UP at her falling down; it's a nice view for him. But he isn't suckered in so much that he isn't prepared. Johnny Cage, after all, is not afraid to die. As the kick comes down, Johnny raises both arms and blocks the blow from connecting with his head. Pain shoots up his arms, and he shoves her away. "You picked the wrong DILLO to mess with, missy!" he says in a drawl.

Johnny kicks out, sliding forward as green chi envelops his leg like a shadow. As he flies across the sand, he scoops up a few meerkats with both hands, then aims his kick to Tia's midsection. He then tosses the meerkats in one of the traps laid out. "Get along little doggies, YEEHAW!" he yells. He had to admit, this WAS kind of fun.

COMBATSYS: Tia fails to interrupt Shadow Kick from Johnny Cage with Medium Punch EX.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////       ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/-----==|====---\-------\0              Tia
[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          0/-------/---====|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Lightning Spangles shakes a fist at Tia.

What kind of hussy was this, defacing the good name of America! Lightning Spangles was the only TRUE AMERICAN fighter here! Pursing her lips, the actress looks back towards Johnny, nodding firmly. "Don't worry Hoedown Dillo! You take out this fake, poorly dressed poacher, and I'll handle..." Lightning Spangles turns towards Caoimhe, as she readies a pineapple... and apologizes. "Oh, it is okay! Even poachers can enjoy high-quality entertainment!" She quickly adds, smiling at the commando as she tosses the pineapple at her feet. She idly kicks it.

And it explodes.

Lightning Spangles is sent hurtling away into the sand, landing with a heavy tumble. Groaning on impact, she rises back up, as seven meerkats pop their heads up out of their burrows. They make adorable meerkat sounds, as Jezebel rises back up. Adjusting her swimsuit top, the actress brushes herself. "Pineapple smells?!" Lightning Spangles begins, touching something -wet- on her chest. Slurping she nods. "Pineapple smells!"

And suddenly, there is a heavy beatbox playing.

"Walnuts! Peanuts! Pineapple smells! Grapes, Bananas, Oranges, and coconut shells!" The heavy rap lyrics are layed down thick, as from the jungle, there is a rather large man in a gorilla suit. He is on fire, in fact, from the blast of the pyrotechnics. With a hoot, it rolls on the grounds, tumbling on the ground. Stopping, dropping, and rolling, the man in the gorilla suit eventually puts down the fire. But Lightning Spangles knows exactly who this was, as the rap continues.

"Donkey Kong!?!"

Lightning Spangles turns towards the cameras, giving a thumbs up. "It is Donkey Kong! He's the leader of the bunch! You know him well! He's finally back, to kick some tail! His coconut gun, it fires in-" Lightning Spangles ceases her rapping, as she notes that Donkey Kong doesn't stop his rolling. Smiling at the camera, she nods. "We will get right back to Donkey Kong, and his message of conservation!"

"Lets work together to take care of this poacher first!"

Lightning Spangles hurries across the sands, picking up speed gradually. Running across the sands carefully, there sure is a lot of distance to cover across the beach. Closing in on Caoimhe, she finally takes a leaping kick! Flying through the air, the bikini'd American unleashes a flying kick, closing the distance through the air!


COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Caoimhe with Strong Kick.

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////       ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|====---\-------\0              Tia
[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          0/-------/--=====|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Wait, what?

Tia's landing is made with aplomb, her rebound from Cage's raised arms going precisely as expected - her bravado and inflated self-opinion aside, she knows he's damn capable in or out of a ludicrous costume - and her quip delivered only for her adrenaline to soar in tandem with a blindsiding revelation about her mystery partner. Granted, she wouldn't be so mysterious if Langray cared to fact-check in advance of the match...

She's halfway to spitting incensed surprise at the explosively resourceful Delaney when the counter is soaring for her midsection. Beneath the glorious scape of Underboob Central, well-conditioned ribs take the kick with a diverting half-twist of the torso that goes entirely against plan. The answering flash of a chambered elbow, ready to come down like a punishing hammer on the most famous mascot's knee joint, never comes. Instead, the breakout reality star is flung backward with a grunt.

"Stay on target, Cow-me!" Barks Tia over the glow of pain, as if it were all wotsername's fault, throwing off the distraction of a very broken rib with a boisterous snap of long, toned limbs. Her leading hand catches a meerkat in mid-air and crushes it tight in her bandaged grip, thrusting it toward Cage in open challenge as she mutters:

"What's with you and filthy animals, Cage..."

Heavy army boots paw at sand whipped into a low frenzy by the hovering chopper, and abruptly she drops the poor island pest to kick it right at her opponent!

"Down, boy! The only MESS I'm making is in your FACE!"

Johnny catches the meerkat while giving her his usual shit-eating grin. "The only mess I see is your fightin' style!" he replies. "Who uses a poor, innocent meerkat as a projectile? That ain't right!" he says as he casually tosses the hapless creature behind him and into a cage. He punts another with his foot into yet another cage. "Can't you see they're scared to death by yer explosives and shoutin? Maybe the real monster..."

Johnny takes off his sunglasses and looks directly into a camera. He wills a single tear to roll down his face. " man."

He puts his shades back on and proceeds to lunge at Tia with another kick, this time to the face. "HYA!"

As Caoimhe's combat boots hit the sand and Spangles is sent flying by the exploding pineapple, Caoimhe sets her jaw and gives a single grim nod. Turning her head to her partner - whom she hasn't had the opportunity of meeting until this point - as she engages the Cage, she gives a slight tilt of her head before firing off quickly, "Langray, I don't believe we're operating under the same uniform regulations! Is the rest of your combat uniform A-WOL?"

Her gaze turns back to Spangles as the latter flies through the air at her. Caoimhe tenses, preparing to shift out of the way.

"F.Y.I., it's not Cow-whatever, it's Key-VUGH!"

The soldier's boots slip in the sand as she tries to evade the attack at the last moment, and the kick sends her off her feet, skidding along the beach. Frantic meerkats hop over her fallen form as she reaches into her belt and pulls out what looks like a hand-carved fighting stick. Kipping up to her feet and putting the furry animals to flight, Caoimhe rushes in toward Jezebel, leaping into the air and spinning as she aims to bring the bludgeon across the cowgirl's body. "Hngh!"

COMBATSYS: Jezebel fails to interrupt Crushing Strike from Caoimhe with High Noon EX.
- Power fail! -

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////       ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|====---\-------\0              Tia
[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          1/-------/=======|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

And the meerkats chitter in cheers.

The man in the gorilla suit begins to stand up, as a stagehand shoves what looks like a coconut log bazooka. Nevermind that coconuts doesn't become logs. Already the stagehands were stuffing it with a bag of... something wet. A sloppy. Fruit fills the coconut gun, as the man in the gorilla idly turns to watch Lightning Spangles hammer that kick hard into the commando.

Lightning Spangles backflips off the impact.

Landing squarely on her feet, she looks across at her opponent, smiling. "That's right! You better pay attention to me, instead of that fake hussy! A real American doesn't need to show off such obvious implants like that!" The actress states energetically. "Besides, you have more things to worry about!" The actress points to the man in the gorilla suit, as he aims the coconut gun. "Donkey Kong is ready to help me out! His coconut gun fires in spurts! If he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt! He's bigger, faster, and stronger too!" As Caoimhe rushes in herself, leaping into the air with her hurt stick. Lightning Spangles smirks. "Okay Donkey Kong! It's time for the assist! Shoot her out of the air, in tandem with me!" And then, Lightning Spangles fires straight into the air, ready to catch Caoimhe in midair with a sweeping, staggering kick.

And Donkey Kong fires the fruit straight at Lightning Spangles.

The actress takes the fruit right into her face, interrupting her from her interrupt, just as Caoimhe unleashes her smash across the cowgirl's body. Lightning Spangles goes down, hitting the sand by the cages hard. "Gragh!" She begins to call out, covered in fruit slime. Licking her lips, she adjusts her bikini top, pulling out a pineapple peel. "Donkey Kong, that was... that was not a good shot, pardner!"

The man in the gorilla suit reloads the coconut gun.

COMBATSYS: Tia blocks Johnny Cage's Front Kick.

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////        ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          1/-------/=======|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

"Man?" Tia sneers with lascivious rancor, re-establishing her guard in dangerous proximity to her charging opponent, ready to accept the kick with a harsh downslap of a bandaged hand. Flesh tightening on impact, she soaks the worst of the hit and sways around the retracting limb, coming up on the Hoedown Dillo's flank with a slow, dangerous smile directed past her still-raised palm. "Nobody ever tell you the female of the species is more deadlier--" She lunges, throwing a feinting backfist.

"Than the male?!"

It's as total as a feint can be. Even if Johnny Cage stands there and accepts it, he'll find it whiffing just short of striking, the action serving to conceal a horizontal leap that carries Tia with immediacy to his opposing flank. Near to the other pair.

"Well, that's nothing like it's spelled!" She barks almost conversationally to her partner as she drops her stick with impunity across the Spangles, "Honey, if you wanna succeed in showbusiness, you need a name people can relate to-- a name you can rely on, a name you can stamp into a thousand furry faces on the path to VICTORY!!"

She yells the last, surging around into a wildly spinning offensive, a swathe of sand whipping around her enviably-endowed form in a barbaric, bouncing helix as she once more veers into proximity with the shade-y Dillo, a leg chambering midway-through only to uncoil into a stamping, combat-booted hook kick directed for the cheek and jaw.

But this isn't just any combat boot. These, are--

"NEW Belleville Battle Breakers! Delivering truth and justice--"

She's not done. Sink or swim, on the follow-through of her braggadocious strike, she leaps into action with her trailing leg before the other's even landed. In mid-air, a deft roundhouse seeks the Dillo's adorable nose, pausing after the first strike for Tia to land, tip him a saucy wink, and then follow up with about dozen more near-identical kicks, peppering the gorgeous length of his body.

"--One mercy-kill at a time! Down, boy, DOWN!"

COMBATSYS: Tia blitzes into action and acts again!

[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////        ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          1/-------/=======|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

As she lands in a crouch, the fingers of one hand digging into the sand of the beach, Caoimhe looks up at the now doubly-fruit-covered Jezebel with a bemused, but still severe expression. Her other hand, still holding the club, slips behind her back as she straightens.

"Friendly fire's a bitch, but I understood this battle to be an engagement of equal forces!"

Her empty hand slips around behind her back in turn, and a moment later, both hands come back around, now with a lit match and - is that a bundle of M80s? The fuses of the fireworks are tied together, and it only takes a brief lick from the flame of the burning match to ignite them.

"Langray! We need to secure the meerkats and move to a position of cover from that ape - right after I'm done blowing up Lightning Spangles!"

And then Caoimhe leaps from the beach again, kicking up sand as she flies at the cowgirl and trying to land boots first on the other woman's middle. If she can manage it, she'll slap the pack of high-powered fireworks - which happen to have honey along one surface to lend them an adhesive property - onto Lightning Spangles' chest before kicking away in a backward flip.

COMBATSYS: Jezebel blocks Caoimhe's Parting Gift.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          1/----===/=======|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage dodges Tia's Strong Kick.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          1/----===/=======|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage auto-guards Tia's Mirage Spear Kick.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|======-\-------\0              Tia
[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          1/----===/=======|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

"Oh, don't worry, that's just my man in the gorilla suit!"

Those are the comforting words from Lightning Spangles, as she pulls some pineapple chunks from her swimsuit top. Popping them in her both, she licks her lips. "Mmm! Dole Pineapples!" She states, looking towards the cameras as Caoimhe approaches. "I hope I can find a whole variety of high-quality Dole products all over my body. Because unlike -some- people, Lightning Spangles is a name associated with high-quality products, and can be counted on the best. And also isn't just a pun on T&A!"

She shoots a glare across at Tia, on camera.

The smile returns as Caoimhe leaps up in the air. As the commando hurls out the kicks from beyond, Lightning Spangles turns around in time to block the kick with her arms. But as Caoimhe smears the honey-dripped explosives right on her chest, Lightning Spangles gasps. Swiftly, she twists the explosives right off her chest as Caoimhe kicks away. Chest still covered in honey and pineapple, she hurls the explosive away. "Nice try!" She calls out, as she turns toward Caoimhe. The explosion bursts from the sand... followed by high-pitched chittering. The actress's smile is gone, as her eyes go wide. She clutches her hat with both hands, by the grim.


Lightning Spangles -flinches- hard as pieces of meerkat begins to scatter around on the sand. Cringing, Lightning Spangles shuts her eyes tight. "That... was a gr-great escape!" The cowgirl stutters, the smile slowly returning. She doesn't look at the damage. "Yeah! The meerkats were smart, to use that explosion to... safely get away! Meerkats are well known that, when under great duress, to randomly give the impression that they explode! It helps distract predators, and while it looks frightening, a-and disturbing, understand that the meerkats are perfectly safe!"

She explains this as a meerkat lands lifelessly by her feet.

"Perfectly fine!" She continues, emboldened by new resolve as she charges after Caoimhe. Lifting her leg high, she whips it straight up in the air, letting it dangle in the air. Opening her mouth, and still ignoring the meerkat victims, she attempts another yodel... before the coconut gun is fired again. Small, purple fruit suddenly pepper Lightning Spangles again, several of the small fruit landing in her mouth, as the heel comes crashing down at Caoimhe.

Grape shot.

Of course.

Johnny jerks back to dodge the backfist instinctively, but it's merely a ruse. While Tia yaps at her partner, Cage starts grabbing as many meerkats as he can, thrusting them into boxes while keeping an eye on Tia. "You're doin' swell, Jezzy!" he calls to his own partner. "Show that soldier girl who's who!"

Then Tia comes at him like a wild woman. Cage cracks his neck. He's ready. Her first kick is avoided by him leaning backwards, the foot passing harmlessly by his face. He looks at her keenly through his shades, which reflect the light of the sun overhead. His usual cocky smirk is replaced with a serious look. The other side of Cage, behind the arrogance and showboating.

The follow-up kick is blocked with a sharp, swift movement of his arm. BAM! Sand is blown off Tia's boot from the force. He stares right at her despite the wink, and proceeds to block every strike with one arm, not even feeling the impact as he deflects the energy of the kicks just right.

"Not bad for reality tv," he says at her, smirking again. Louder, he proclaims, "The only truth and justice out here is HOEDOWN TRUTH and DILLO JUSTICE!" He makes a grab for her shoulders, throwing out a left hook first, then switching arms to deliver a right. He then crouches and backhands her right in the groin, and then finally performs a hard, straight punch to the chest to knock her back.

COMBATSYS: Tia endures Johnny Cage's Cliffhanger.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////                ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/--=====|=======\===----\1              Tia
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe parries Jezebel's Heel Kick!

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////                ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/-======|=======\===----\1              Tia
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Jezebel          0/-------/---====|======-\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Apparently he's a little more than perfectly capable.

As chunks of meerbeast come raining down around the battlefield, Tia unwinds from her lightning combination with a rapid intake of breath that draws in a mouthful of bloody meat and singed fur. She almost chokes; but she's got her gag reflex perfectly in check, and turns it into a highly-graceful spit rather than a disgusting swallow. Hawking up bits of verminous animal in a manner that will assuredly please the island god, she meets Cage's own combo with a sloppy grin.

"Hngh!" She's drawn in for the totality of it, pretty face snapping left and right but grin never actually fading - she's THRIVING on the pain, spitting another gobful of (this time, mostly her own) blood before she's hammered forcefully in the groin. It drives right to the pelvic bone, the dizzying rush almost overwhelming but failing to put her down even when the fourth and final blow sends her into an aerial spin.

"That's a NO, Delaney!" She snaps with desperate vigour, coming out of her spin with a wordless roar, burning with white-gold energy that swiftly becomes a searing maelstrom. "We're FUBAR on this one!! BURNING... REVOLLLLVEERRRRRRRRR!!!"

Making no attempt to get away or safeguard what remains of the meerkat population, Langray instead dives at Cage, using all that gathered momentum to twist in the opposite direction with unbelievable force and speed, her right elbow snapping out above her head as she's launched like hell's own corkscrew at the Hoedown Dillo. A tight hurricane of chi wards off sand, kibble and bits, Tia's approach happening in what seems no more than an instant. She's whirling like crazy, looking to drive the tip of her elbow into Johnny's chin and keep on driving through, striking again and again at the same spot before the impressive attack dissipates and she whirls away at last, landing in a tight crouch upon the sand, the yielding surface--

--carrying her right to the explodinated treeline, where she lands in a three-point stance, huffing, eyes bright, the expression of a woman on the edge - and loving it - plastered across the face that's launched a thousand fitness mags.

"We search and destroy, THEN we contain! Take this Dillo's bottom bitch DOWN!!"

As her flip lands her on the sand several yards away from Lightning Spangles, Caoimhe starts to pull one of the coconuts from its velcro fitting on her vest. A faint sheen of sweat is already starting to mingle with the camouflage paint covering the woman's face and limbs, glistening in the sunlight. She hesitates, though, as the package of firecrackers lands amongst the meerkats scampering along with beach.

"Oh, shite," she breathes out just before the makeshift bomb explodes, sending a geyser of sand and fur into the air. The soldier's green eyes take on a distant expression.


"...while we were not able to identify the bodies of the unexpected casualties, the official report is that the victims were members of the insurgency and the collateral damage was caused by the detonation of an unidentified weapons cache." The officer in charge of the debriefing turned around. "In short, Delaney, you don't have to worry about anything."

The disheveled auburn-haired soldier remained silent, her eyes staring blankly ahead.


==*== BACK TO THE BEACH ==*==

Caoimhe is snapped from her brief memory by the sound of her name being shouted by her teammate, blinking a couple of times. Regaining focus just in time to see Jezebel's heel coming down at her, Caoimhe ducks and darts forward below the extended leg, pulling the coconut from her vest as she flanks the American icon. She shakes the coconut in her hand as she repositions.

"Understood, Langray! Deploying incendiary!" she yells as she whips the coconut at Jezebel's back. As the coconut flies, the chemicals mixing inside react by spontaneously combusting. By the time it reaches Lightning Spangles, it'll be a veritable fireball, ready to spill flaming chemicals on impact.

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage fails to interrupt Burning Revolver from Tia with Director's Cut.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////                 ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/-======|===----\-------\0              Tia
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Jezebel          0/-------/---====|=======\-------\1      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Jezebel dodges Caoimhe's Incendiary Grenade EX.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////                 ]
Caoimhe          0/-------/-======|===----\-------\0              Tia
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Jezebel          0/-------/--=====|=======\-------\1      Johnny Cage

Lightning Spangles didn't want to go there either.

Mouth full of grabs, she brings the heel down hard, pretending that the meerkats are fine. She can just put them in the cages. Maybe the Hoedown Dillo can play a fiddle tune, to guide them in there. "MMPH MMPH!" Lightning Spangles calls out to her partner, as her heel smashes hard into the sand. "MMPH!" She calls out again, as her opponent seems, for a brief moment, to be lost in space. The grape barrage ceases, as Donkey Kong hands the coconut gun to be reloaded. Lightning Spangles herself is on the move, retracting her leg as Caoimhe breaks from her shellshock.

Oh, Jezebel's been there before.

The commando suddenly is behind her. Lightning Spangles tries to move, tries to reposition herself. And yet, there is no time. No chance. It looks like, for a moment, that this was the end. She just sees the coconut, for one brief moment... and then, a blur of fur. A flash of motion. At the last moment, a meerkat leaps out, leaping out to catch the coconut. It might be because coconuts are food for meerkats (this is not a Lightning Spangles fact). But Lightning Spangles knew the truth.

Even meerkats love Lightning Spangles.

The coconut is deflected, just long enough for Lightning Spangles to slip away, making herself clear of the coconut. Turning around, she watches Caoimhe with wide eyes. "Hah! I guess you don't only have fruit that explodes then-"

There is a sudden flash of brightness behind her.

And then there are chittering screams.

Lightning Spangle's face turns bright red. There is a bright conflaguration behind her. And for some reason, the fire was not spreading... but moving behind her. Rapidly. Lightning Spangles turns to the camera, eyes wide, face red. Her face frozen in a smile. And after a second, she explains. "Also Meerkats can pretend to be on fire! Fire is a powerful defense mechanism in the wild! Notice how earlier monkeys, and even Donkey Kong, pretended they were on fire to deter predators. How did that work, Donkey Kong?"

The man in the gorilla suit is too busy reading the National Enquirer to notice.

Lightning Spangles turns back to Caoihme, facing turning redder and redder. "Wow! So you sure have a lot of bombs! That's... that's sure is some great poaching equipment!" Lightning Spangles lowers down, dropping into a crouch. "But how will it handle some good, old fashioned, Lightning Spangles Show-Up Hoedown special techniques? You know what I am talking about!" Red, White and Blue energy surges over her body, as she charges herself up. Finally, kicking up the sand behind her, Lightning Spangles explodes forward, rocketing into a spiraling aerial launch. Aiming for Caoi's chest, she fires an aerial roundhouse, into a blast of red fireworks, a second kick into white fireworks, and finally, before she lands on the ground, a third kick into blue fireworks.


Johnny is a little off-put by Tia's bloodlust for the fight; mostly because he didn't expect her to be so hardcore. He sort of liked it. "Hey, wait a sec, isn't that JAGUAR-!" he yells. Too late though, she's coming at him like a tropical hurricane. The energy is reflected off his shades - he might be blinded by the light otherwise. He attempts to interrupt her sudden charge with a move of his own, but she's too fast. The elbow slams into his chin and jerks his head back. The next few elbow bashes keep coming, and coming, knocking Johnny left and right from the blow. Each strike lets out a crack like thunder as sand whips up around the competitors.

When Tia lands near the treeline, Johnny looks bloodied up and his jaw cracked. He attempted to shield his face, but the bruises and swelling will soon show. The onslaught has dazed him a bit, seeing double Tia's. "Shit! ... What the hell was that?" he asks, dropping the dumb accent and not caring if the cameras heard him.

COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Caoimhe with Where Eagles Dare EX.
? Strange Hit! ?

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////                 ]
Caoimhe          1/-----==/=======|===----\-------\0              Tia
[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Jezebel          0/-------/=======|=======\-------\1      Johnny Cage

"Don't," Tia savagely tears off, straightening from her crouch so suddenly that there are just boobs bouncing all over the place, "Talk to me about Jaguars."

Menacingly-enraged as she is, the reality star's oddly-dichotomous image is only intensified when she reaches up and whips off her crimson headband, long hair falling about her shoulders as she tosses her head and strikes the kind of pose that could only be called 'hardcore' in the most derogatory of senses. Running a hand back through her well-conditioned mane, she doesn't remove her gaze from Johnny Cage for an instant--

--even when Jezebel begins exploding into fireworks. It takes an effort to keep her attention steady, though; in spite of herself, in spite of EVERYTHING, Langray finds herself warming to her unwanted partner. Both Tias remain focused, however, and after her brief, bizarrely-flirtatious display - which ends with a hand creeping over the length of her torso - she snaps into a good and proper Muay Thai stance, arms raised and clawing at the air as she bounces her lead foot against the scorched, bloody sand.

"I'll tell you what the hell it was..."

She grins, hunkering down onto powerful thighs, and then launching herself!

"This is where I send your sorry ass to Dillo Heaven!! SYAAAAAAAH!!!!"

Weaving slightly in her approach, she plants a foot with the cry and abruptly twist-turns, once more leading with her favourite elbow as she crosses the remaining distance in a flash. The opening blow is raking, at best; a back spinning strike designed to garner a reaction, before she hops into the air--

--and brings the opposing limb down like a hammer, driving hard bone into Cage's skull. It ain't pretty, it's clearly telegraphed, but it's got astonishing force behind it.


Yeah, she's into this.

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage blocks Tia's Fierce Punch.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////                 ]
Caoimhe          1/-----==/=======|===----\-------\0              Tia
[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Jezebel          1/-------/=======|=======\-------\1      Johnny Cage

The incendiary coconut is clearly a much safer option than the exploding firecrackers. On a beach like this, there's very little chance of collateral damage from the fire spreading. Caoimhe raises a hand up to shield her face as she skids to a stop in the sand, eyes flitting to the fireball as it flies directly on course -

And then it's intercepted.

Caoimhe's jaw just drops. Is fate just screwing with her at this point? The camera catches a single teardrop as it starts to roll down the commando's face when one of God's beautiful creatures is horrifically incinerated by the flaming ball of agony that was rightfully intended for human flesh.

"This is..."

The emotional impact of the meerkat massacre distracts the soldier for just a moment too long. When the patriotic power of Jezebel's pyrotechnic kicks assaults her, Caoimhe's chest explodes with red, white and blue energy, her camouflage tank top rapidly barraged by the energy and kicks before she's sent flying back on her ass.

As she picks herself up, the damage to her top from Lightning Spangles' attacks reveals that the soldier was /very/ thorough in the application of body camo.

"We've come too far to stop now!"

Reaching into her belt, Caoimhe comes up with what appears to be a bottle of some kind of alcohol with a cloth stuffed under the lid. Removing the top with a quick twist, she holds it up, bringing a lighter up in her other gloved hand. While the intent may be obvious, there's a moment's hesitation as Caoimhe eyes the bottle. Then, in one quick motion, she pulls out the cloth and takes a swig from the drink before stuffing the cloth back in. Lighting it, she narrows her eyes. There can be no room for meerkat collateral this time. For the good of the animals, she's got to make this happen... personally.


The commando charges headlong at Jezebel as the liquid in the bottle burns rapidly, flames licking at the glove on her hand. Raising the bottle over her head, she swings it toward Lightning Spangles, intending to shatter the container against her and set the American heroine ablaze.

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe successfully hits Jezebel with Molotov Smash.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////                 ]
Caoimhe          1/---====/=======|===----\-------\0              Tia
[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Jezebel          1/-----==/=======|=======\-------\1      Johnny Cage

The true depth of the meerkat massacare was slowly dawning on the little animals as well.

Several of the meerkats begin to leap into the ocean, demostrating a symbiotic relationship between the small creatures and large bodies of water. Several of the creatures, very likely fathers and mothers to the burning victims, bend over the charred remains of some of the meerkats, cradling them in their arms as they lift them high. And finally, some of the others, in a desperate attempt to please these murdereous fire gods, flee into some of the cages to take shelter from the nightmarish assault.

It truly was an apocolypse now.

Lightning Spangles herself finishes her triple kick combo, unleashing the final kick with an explosion. Though it seemed that Caoimhe was exposed in the aftermath, it wasn't like Lightning Spangles was any better. Adjusting her bikini top, she falls back into her fighting stance, a smile across her face as she ignores the- oh lord.

The meerkats were audibly -crying- now.

"Yeeeeee haw! We got this, The Hoedown Dillo!" She yodels out, as Caoimhe breaks out the bottle. And Lightning Spangles... Lightning Spangles stops. "I'm sorry, wait." Jezebel states. "What is that? That's not liquor is it? I'm sorry, I'm not- I really don't-" Jezebel stumbles back, falling on the sand ass-first as Caoimhe throws the container on hit. Immediately, it hits her, and the high-proof liquor spreads over her body.

And Jezebel suddenly starts screaming.

No, there isn't words. As she burns, she starts screaming, panicking. Scrambling up, tears flowing from her crimson face. Surging towards Caoihme, she starts to hurl a quick round house. There is no cheering, no bouncing, no -fun- to be had. Jezebel's hat falls out as the burning woman's makeup runs, as she stares into Caoimhe with... with rage. With fury. With -hate-. "YOU'VE POISONED ME!!!" She screams, nose running. Another two roundhouse kicks come roaring out, with a fourth kick hanging.... before dropping into a swift heel drop.

The man in the gorilla suit, meanwhile, is handed his freshly reloaded coconut gun.

Johnny just smirks at Tia's reaction. He motions for Tia to bring it with one palm as he resumes his stance, head clearing. The spinning strike is dodged as he twists to the left, and when the elbow comes for his head, he blocks, though the force of the blow presses his arm into his head anyway. A fresh bolt of pain rushes through his tricep, and he quickly gets away from the raging Muay Thai woman. "Yeah, totally not the same," he comments dryly.

He resumes the Dillo persona. "I ain't goin' nowhere until I've avenged all these poor, innocent meerkats you've endangered!" he declares. He spits a wad of blood and saliva onto the sand. "Get a load of my DILLO DESTROYER!" He focuses green chi in his right palm, and swings it underhanded like he's making a pitch to Tia, the green chi ball flying in an arc towards her.

He double takes at what happens to Jezebel. "Yo, did your partner set my partner on fire?" he asks out of character again.

COMBATSYS: Tia blocks Johnny Cage's Out Take.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////                   ]
Caoimhe          1/---====/=======|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Jezebel          1/-----==/=======|=======\=------\1      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe parries Jezebel's Quick and the Dead!

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////                   ]
Caoimhe          1/--=====/=======|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Jezebel          1/-----==/=======|=======\=------\1      Johnny Cage

The situation is rapidly getting WORSE, as if such a thing were possible! The swimsuited ninja camera crews are naturally soaking it all up, even as the combatants blissfully give in to their most animalistic urges...

Well, maybe their second most. Gotta save SOMETHING for the ensuing weeks! Anyhow...

Johnny Cage proves equal again, and Tia would curse, if she weren't so caught up.

'We've come too far', declares her partner, and Tia's pulse pounds all the stronger. Blood racing in her veins, she lands on both feet directly opposite her ultra-famous foe and just flashes him the broadest slash of a grin. Drawing in a breath, her camo-boobtube inflates to dangerous proportions, the kickboxer's abs rippling and popping as they settle from the high-tension of her daredevil technique. She doesn't have time to do much more-- but sometimes, 'not much' is exactly enough.

She greets the mighty Dillo Destroyer with an inward sweep of her arm, a palm swatting across just in front of and above the projectile, guiding the crook of her elbow to squash the sickly green energy in a meerkat-like puff of (almost) harmless residual energy. It stings and burns, but Tia's past caring, pausing only to shake out her somewhat-numbed arm before taking a sudden step toward Johnny.

"Your destruction is *weak* compared to the might of we brave few, we commandoes!" She yells, throat hoarse from radiating heat and chunks of furry critter, her second step carrying with it a sharp, rapid roundhouse kick from the right leg. It snaps towards Johnny's midsection, rapidly descending again to form the mount for a second strike from the left, roaring high and fast for the temple area. "You're a menace, Dillo! The animals you defend just breed and breed, with no regard for the EARTH!"

In contrast to Johnny, she's slipped fully into a different kind of character now - because hell, wide-eyed idealism drew a lot of ratings back in the day, and with Jezebel freaking the fuck out, maybe they can get back on the heroism track!

She ruins it by also going OOC, smirking with faux-coyness past her lowering leg:

"How about you set *me* on fire later. I could use a nice, big... Dillo..."


Maybe she's way, WAY too into this.

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage dodges Tia's Medium Kick.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////                  ]
Caoimhe          1/--=====/=======|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Jezebel          1/-----==/=======|=======\=------\1      Johnny Cage

Crushed to pieces by the force of the assault, the bottle in Caoimhe's hand tinkles to the ground, tiny glass shards mingling hazardously with the sand as meerkats dart to and fro past the fighters. Caoimhe tosses the remains of the makeshift weapon aside, frowning at the carnage amongst the animals before turning back just in time to see the raw fury on Spangles' face as she charges."Shite!" Caoimhe yells as she drops under the first raging roundhouse, the cowgirl's foot clipping the helmet on her head - which wasn't strapped on - and knocking it clean off. The pair of follow-up kicks force her onto her ass in the glass-smattered sand to bend clear of them, and she rapidly rolls to one side on her hands to evade the falling heel. As she's doing this, the beachball that she emerged from the treeline earlier with comes bouncing past as it's chased by a pair of frantic meerkats. A faint ticking sound reaches the commando's ears, coming from the beachside toy. Her eyes widen as the gravity of the situation hits her.


Sliding past Jezebel's legs toward the bouncing ball and sweeping her leg around, she clenches both hands together and bashes the the thing with a hard ax-handle right toward the superstar cowgirl!

And the ball sails slowly along the ground, as if weighted from within. Caoimhe reaches out to snatch the two meerkats attempting to chase the ball, rolling over and shielding their tiny bodies with her own.

The reason for the drama doesn't become obvious until, a couple of seconds later, the beachball explodes - literally. Apparently, there was in fact a bomb inside it.

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe knocks away Jezebel with Hello Time Bomb EX.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////                  ]
Caoimhe          1/=======/=======|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[                     \\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Jezebel          2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\=------\1      Johnny Cage

Jezebel was afraid.

As the rich vapor of the cheap liquor fills her nostrils, memories sweep over her. Old memories. Happy memories. Warm memories. Memories of partying with her friends in Hollywood, of her days of taking shots in her dressing room at the Showup Hoedown, memories of sneaking a six-pack of Coors from the garage. She remembered when she drank, she remembered who she was when she drank. She was Jezebel, the popular actress that everyone wanted to hang with.

Until she wasn't popular anymore.

As the heel comes roaring down, the beachball comes bouncing along. Jezebel recovers slowly, the assault throwing her well off-balanced. Of course, a snarl was on her face, her eyes puffy, as she glares down at the commado. "GET BACK HERE!" She seethes, sniffing hard before unleashing a heaving sob. But as she slips past the actress's legs, the cowgirl turns to see her the beachball coming right at her. It bounces hard, as Caoimhe throws herself to save the meerkats. The ball bounces against Jezebel's chest, before landing on the sand.

And she is blown away.

Jezebel is fired in a long arch, landing with a slap on the shallows by Tranquil Beach. She floats there, face down, for a brief moment. The man in the gorilla suit takes aim at her, and tries to hit the floating Jezebel. Eventually, a sloppy grapefruit manages to graze her. With a suddenly flail, she stands up, and forces her way to the shore. All while screaming, yelling at the commando.

"You heinous beach... bum!"

The words leak out of Jezebel's mouth, as she somehow STILL continues to burn, inspite of landing in the water. And from her flanks, a man, dressed up as a giant Warthog, saunters up to her. "Hey! Lightning Spangles! How are you helping my good pal Ti-" "Not Now Pumbaa!" The actress scolds, as she lowers down to a crouch. Red, White, and Blue energy cascades over her form, as she glares down across at Caoihme. "Hey! HEY! Booze bimbo!" She calls out. "I'm calling you out! You are a monster for what you did to me! You have no idea! So you think you can try and ruin my life like that without consequence?"

"Well you have another thing coming!!"

That was the cry as Jezebel rushes across the sand. She had a distance to cover. But once she closed it, she would begin to kick. Blow after blow would come, the rapid flurry surging out with kick after kick after kick. She would just kick, alight with the flame, that was burning on her body. She would finish the assault with a straight kick, to knock her right into the cages.

And then crouch down low again.

COMBATSYS: Jezebel issues a challenge!!

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////                  ]
Caoimhe          1/=======/=======|=====--\-------\0              Tia
[                     \\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Jezebel          2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\=------\1      Johnny Cage

"Come by my cabana later, I'll show you a real hoedown," Johnny says, pulling his shades down to wink at Tia.

Johnny moves like water, twisting around the first roundhouse, then ducking to avoid the kick to his temple. He jumps right back up. "That don't justify killin' 'em like this! Ya gotta practice smart conservation! I'll tell ya one thing, explosives ain't smart! Neither are molotov cocktails!" Hoedown Dillo heroically shields several meerkats from a sporadic rain of fire, scooping them all up against his chest. "Look in their eyes, look at the pain and the sufferin'. How can you justify what yer doin???" He then unceremoniously dumps them into a little cage and kicks the door shut.

He darts forward, aiming a jab to Tia's face, followed by a hard stomping kick to her stomach quickly after. But he's not done yet. He charges green chi into his other fist, and with a hearty HAAAA, swings his fist out in a hook to punch Tia right in the temple and send her flying. Not the flashiest of kombo's, but it gets the job done.

COMBATSYS: Tia endures Johnny Cage's Cross Cutting.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////                        ]
Caoimhe          1/=======/=======|=======\=------\1              Tia
[                      \\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Jezebel          1/------</<<<<<<<|==-----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Caoimhe with True Grit.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////                        ]
Caoimhe          2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|=======\=------\1              Tia
[                      \\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Jezebel          1/------</<<<<<<<|==-----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

It appears that while Jezebel and Caoimhe's fight only grows in intensity, Langray and Cage are getting along famously - at least more famously than the time she peed on him. Twice. Ah, showbusiness, what strange and twisted paths you present.

The wink is returned not with the same, but with a wicked little grin as Tia resettles upon the shifting sands. One hand lowers from its customary guard to cup a handful of underboob and somewhat-roughly, absolutely-suggestively squish her enviable chestmeats together for a double-eyeful. She doesn't seem to care about meerkats in the least, nor the fact that her assault is manfully and skilfully dodged by the superstar warrior; anyway, last time she checked, Caoimhe was doing juuust fi--

Wait, what's happening over there?

Large hazel eyes scan sideward, well-groomed eyebrows shooting up as Tia makes the woeful mistake of focusing on anything but Johnny Cage. The hand cupping the underside of her breast pauses and lingers uncertainly, and it's in this moment that there's suddenly a jab thrust toward her jawline. "Huh?!" She eats it like a boxing champ, flicking her face sideward and rolling with it, in ready preparation for the kick that crunches into her perfectly-toned abs. Finally releasing her breasts, she sttaightens up and barks a wordless challenge in the face of the next, chi-charged blow.

Which doesn't help when she eats the next hit *hard*. There's even a spray of blood as knuckles rupture flesh, pressing it against the woman's skull until it tears like soggy paper. She's sent flying, indeed, crashing on one shoulder into the sand, but when she whips her head up to face Johnny - conveniently now set against the backdrop of Jezebel and Caoimhe's fight - there's nothing but adrenaline-fuelled fire in her eyes.

"Johnny Cage," she snaps off, using his real name for the first time now that they're down to the goddamned wire, pushing herself upright with absolutely no effort-- indeed, she's rather adroitly still rolling with the momentum of the punch, bouncing across the sand with it and then driving so fast to her feet that she blurs to the eye. In an instant she's rushing across the beach, all up in his business with her fist lifting from waist-height to drive a soaring, blistering uppercut to his own jaw. Payback!

"You can hoe me down ANYTIME! For the ENVIRONMENT!"

Screaming the last so hard her lungs shudder and the very passion seems to rock her entire frame, back arching and head flung back as she drives the uppercut home, seeking to carry Cage aloft with her upon the twin peak of her first two knuckles.

"*RAPID*!" She twists at the apex, her opposite arm rising now to deliver a short-armed, sharp second uppercut to the midsection - and then, by golly, she bends in to her doubled-over opponent, the formerly-striking arm now looping over the back of his neck to pull him in close and plant a hot, French kiss right on his assuredly-gasping mouth. Whether he returns it or not, she takes his affection like a savage predator, then shoves him away-- and puts both hands together to wield a double axe-handle blow down upon his shoulders, throwing him down, down, down to the ravaged beachside.


It's all very dramatic, until Tia stops dead in mid-air and then drops like a goddamn stone, landing on her face in the sand. She struggles to rise once, twice, and then on the third attempt gets herself up on both arms, looking toward Caoimhe with eyes rapidly blurring. She can't see a damn thing, but she's sure, inside herself--

--that somehow, her rubbish partner isn't letting her down.

"Kick her washed-up... insane ASS... Delaney."

Yeah, she's still not going to say her first name. She might say it properly, and then where would they be? Tia would still end up in the same place: face-down in the sand with a gurgling grunt that soon diminishes into faint, disarmingly girlish snoring. It... it would almost be cute, if she wasn't surrounded by a fiery, crazy hell and covered in bits of meerkat. At least her butt looks great stuck up in the air.

COMBATSYS: Tia can no longer fight.

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage blocks Tia's Rapid Change.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Caoimhe          2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|>>>>>>>\>------\1          Jezebel
[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Johnny Cage      0/-------/----===|

Slowly, the Boston-Irish battle babe picks herself up off of the sand. There are a few shards of glass stuck in the leather of her gloves and the softer skin along her forearms, but thankfully, the two meerkats whom she so heroically sacrificed Jezebel to save are still alive and well, if utterly shell-shocked.

"It's okay, you two. Everything's going to be alright," Caoimhe murmurs softly to the meerkats before turning them loose on the sand. They both scamper away as fast as their legs can carry them, tails in the air. Then comes the voice from behind her.

Turning to face Jezebel as she rises slowly to her feet, Caoimhe slips one hand slowly down to her belt, reaching for where the handmade club is tucked into it and carefully drawing it out. Her head cants slowly to one side as her gaze rests coolly on Jezbel... and then shifts to the man in the warthog suit. What kind of alcohol was in that bottle, anyway? Absinthe? Dismissing the thought, Caoimhe turns her eyes back to Jezebel.

"Booze bimbo?! Psychological warfare won't work on me, Lightning Spangles! Nor will attacking my heritage, if that was your intent!"

When words turn to violence, Caoimhe brings her free hand up, rapidly trying to deflect the kicks being aimed at her over and over again. She almost manages to keep her rhythm, too, until one kick slips her guard and nails her right in the chin, breaking her defenses wide open. Subjected to blow after blow, Caoimhe's body twists in the wind before being thrown right into the meerkat cages, crushing several as she skids along the sand.

That hurt.

Caoimhe's lip is bleeding, and the glass shards that had only barely hung to her skin have dug in deep after sliding across the sand, causing small rivulets of blood to trickle from them. Her ears are still ringing from the explosions. Her eyes turn to her partner to assess the situation... just as Tia hits the ground, yoga style. Rather than focusing on Tia's elevated posterior, though, she focuses on her partner's last conscious words.

'Kick her washed-up, insane ass.'

Turning her eyes back to Jezebel, Caoimhe wrenches herself up from the sand and shattered wood. Somehow, that cudgel is still in her hand.

"I'm sorry, Lightning Spangles... but I have to do this!!"

And then her boots are pounding across the sand as she dashes toward Spangles, until, several steps closer, she launches herself skyward, raising the weapon over her head. As she starts to descend, she looses the club from her grip, sending it flying through the air toward Jezebel's head. Whether or not it connects, whatever the result, she just keeps charging toward Spangles with a determined glint in her eyes.

COMBATSYS: Jezebel dodges Caoimhe's Thrown Weapon.

[                    \\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Caoimhe          2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|>>>>>>>\>------\1          Jezebel
[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Johnny Cage      0/-------/----===|

Jezebel was done with this woman.

Pulling away from the assault, the actress had traded her iconic flair for her martial technique. While she was far from being one of the greatest of the 'actor' fighters, she was still considered a 'pro' contender. And fighting the explosive expert just proved that when Jezebel wasn't being Lightning Spangles, she was staggering.

And she was dead serious now.

This wasn't about winning or losing. This was stamping down a negative influence. Not even Tia mattered, or the Hoedown Dillo. She had to defeat the temptation. She had to destroy it. And with that, the freckled woman was glaring up at the woman bounding towards her. As she chunks the weapon at her head, Jezebel was still crouched. And there, down there, she tumbles, tumbles across the sand, rolling hard.

Right out of the way of the weapon.

The club hits the dirt, and Jezebel... Jezebel's body ignites with red, white, and blue energy. "I am not sorry for this! You nearly ruined my life, just like how you ruined those meerkats!" And there, still smoking from the cocktail filth she poured on her body, she jumps, spinning in the air. The energy rolls around her form, as she surges straight up to meet the woman.

Attempting to sweep her away with her body.

Johnny has a thing for bad girls, he has to admit. Tia seemed real bad. He quirks an eyebrow in fascination at her cleavage-play. He also seems to be forgetting about the meerkats and, his partner, in this suggestive combat. Well, Johnny's gonna Johnny. His own lungs are starting to get thick with mucus from the smoke, and he coughs, hacking up some spit. He finally re-adjusts his armadillo nose and ears, despite his face now getting puffy. He wonders if the entire island tournament is gonna go like this. It feels like days now!

Then Tia comes at him. Johnny refocuses and tunes everything out - Jezebel and Caoimhe, the meerkats, the burning, the cameras. He narrows his focus to Tia and Tia only, not even hearing the world around him except for her cries, the sound of her feet against the sand, the rush of the wind against her skin. Behind those sunglasses, he's analyzing everything. The first uppercut comes. Johnny twists his body, absorbing the blow with his shoulder rather than his face, which hurts a little less. He then covers his stomach as she performs the second uppercut. Fortunately for Tia, he accepts the french-kiss part, and just tanks the double shoulder blow. He falls to the ground, but lands on his feet; the same can't be said for Tia. He wipes sand from his hair. "Nice moves," he admits to his fallen foe, finally.

Now it was up to Jezebel. Johnny started scooping and trapping more meerkats. God, they really were pests, they just keep coming! Maybe bombs were the best idea. He pauses in front of the camera. "Hey Johnny, what were your thoughts about that fight? Does this mean a guest appearance on the next season of Breakers?" Johnny laughs and plays it cool. "Well, anything's possible. I mean, that Tia really showed me some moves. I'm all about showing the rubes I'm legit, why shouldn't I give the same for lesser tv stars?"

COMBATSYS: Jezebel successfully hits Caoimhe with Pale Rider.

[                                < >  ///////                       ]
Caoimhe          2/<<<<<<</<<<<<<<|==-----\-------\0          Jezebel
[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Johnny Cage      0/-------/----===|

Caoimhe's jaw sets as the fighting stick flies clear of Jezebel, embedding itself in the sand. She can't stop now, though. Her partner is depending on her - the Going Commando squad is depending on her. Her partner is also lying Downward Dog style in the sand, but this isn't just about her team's dignity. It's about ending this fight before anymore meerkats can come to harm.

And also, it's about winning. Because winning is the mission.

None of this gravitas is enough to save Caoimhe from what's coming, though. She may be a veteran of combat, but only once before has Caoimhe truly encountered the power that a martial artist's energy can bring to bear. As she's lifted into the air by the energy-wreathed American heroine, Caoimhe clenches her teeth. There's only one shot left.

A few of the pineapples still remain stuck to Caoimhe's camo-patterned vest. It's for those that her hands reach as she's carried aloft. Her gloved hands wrap around the bundles of leaves protruding from each of the two fruits she grasps first and pull hard, tossing them aside. Her eyes lock meaningfully with Jezebel's.

"Goodbye, Lightning Spangles."

Moments later, two simultaneous detonations go off, and splashing noises rise from the ocean as chunks of pineapple break its surface, one by one...

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe can no longer fight.

COMBATSYS: Caoimhe knocks away Jezebel with Master Exploder.

[                                < >  ///////////////               ]
Jezebel          1/----===/=======|===----\-------\0      Johnny Cage

Jezebel strikes true.

The cowgirl rips into the commando, and soon, the pair are taking to the skies. She was carrying her around, looking her in the eye as they begin to reach the sand. But there was a move. Those pineapples. Jezebel stares at Caoimhe's chest, eyes wide. She wouldn't. And then, it is obvious she would.

Caoimhe was going for the self-destruct.

Jezebel tries to pull away. She tries to break away. She tries everything she could. But she couldn't stop the attack. She couldn't end it. And with that, the bombs go off. THAT breaks the Pale Rider attack, and Jezebel lands in the sand, face down. A plume of sand bursts up on impact, as Jezebel's American flag bikini bottom sticks up in the air. There is a moment of silence, as Jezebel doesn't respond. And suddenly, a large splatter of what looks like the insides of a watermelon slaps her squarely on the bottom.

The man in the gorilla suit lowers his coconut gun.

"Ook." He says, pumping his arm.

COMBATSYS: Jezebel gives y'all a free turn!

COMBATSYS: Jezebel can no longer fight.

[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Johnny Cage      0/-------/----===|

Johnny turns just as the other two ladies explode. He stares thin lipped at the mess around him, hands on his hips. The beach is a MESS, there care cages stuffed with sqwawling meerkats, scantily clad babes beaten up in the sand, Donkey Kong is here. What started as a fairly plain gimmick turned into the Tet Offensive with rodents.

He turns to the camera, coughs, and puts his accent back on. "Well y'all, what did we learn today?" He asks the camera. "Conservation IS important and animals have feelings too. But it's equally important to not let pest species take over the environment and let 'em outbreed and outeat the rest of the critters of the ecosystem. That's why ya gotta conserve the population of these invasive species, using means that DON'T involve high powered explosives! So whether you're huntin' to keep deer population in check, or just volunteering to safely remove meerkats from a beach, just remember-"

Someone tosses Johnny a fiddle and he strums it. *Poink*. "Nature is our greatest treasure! Yeehaw! Goodnight everybody!"

COMBATSYS: Johnny Cage has ended the fight here.

Log created on 19:14:01 02/01/2015 by Tia, and last modified on 01:02:24 02/05/2015.