Trouble in Paradise - TIP - Week 1 - Team With Himself s PTSD

Description: Tak demands posturing from our visiting guests!!! (Winner: Team With Himself)


Sada Asai just off the dock of the boat. "This is *beep*," she says, looking at the team boards, her bag in her hand. "This is just straight up *beep* -" She turns hastily towards the gangplank--

Sada Asai, now in the changing room of the bikini boutique down near the beach, or rather coming out of it. "Are you pointing a camera at me when I'm changing?" she snaps.

Sada Asai, seated at a bar with a plate of appetizers nearby, looking philosophical. "I guess this isn't really the worst that could happen. I certainly can't say she's a bad fighter... and I don't have any reason to be ashamed, just because she's an American and I'm Japanese. Maybe it's just the island rhythms talking, but..." And then Sada smiled at the camera. "Maybe we're going to make a good team after all."


Tak, God of War, an idol set in the center of the volcano's perished caldera, looms with stony force and grim demeanor as he watches this rather dangerous fighting ring. Fortunately, the volcano is quiet enough that the ground is just... eerily warm, and coated in ash, rather than... you know...

Lethal. Though of course one of the challengers here could endure such temperatures... and perhaps this will be vital to his strategy.

The ring itself has been demarcated in front of the idol with some of the tiki torches that Zack bought, in bulk, from It's more of a circle or at least an octagon than a normal square. Camera crews and some hearty observers are here to watch, as is a mobile wet bar.

Sada finishes her second large juice drink and possibly hastily conceals a cigarette as the refereeing staff, such as it is, starts getting into the pregame rap, mostly introducing the legend of TAK, GOD OF WAR, which Sada doesn't care about. "Ugh," she says, walking forwards, her rubber-soled sandals (not flip flops, not here) having already gotten caked with gray ash. "This place is disgusting."

"AND INTRODUCING - The Perfect Tiffany/Sada Duo -" This is the spot where a swoopy logo with a stars-and-stripes and rising-sun-flag name combo pops up in the screens of the viewers at home -

(Sada had to be persuaded about this naming order, but some acronymical explanations cleared up that protest.)

- As she enters the ring, Sada reaches up with one hand to lace fingers in her hair, tossing it back for the seventh time or so and saying to her partner with a sweet tone, "Do you think this is going to be a problem? The heat never bothered me, but I don't want you to - sweat it." And indeed, her forehead's already a little dewy.

Inwardly, she imagines the fruits of a sudden eruption. The image of lava climbing up Tiffany's legs, Darth Vader style, means her smile becomes genuine.

Tiffany, of course, is not /too/ far from Sada, likewise clad in a lovely bikini; /hers/, of course, is a stars-and-stripes patterned number that thoroughly highlights her most important assets. It's her eyes. Her lovely blue eyes. Of course it is.

If there's any duplicity in Sada's tone as the pair enter the ring, Tiffany doesn't know it; she assumes the other young lady is totally and completely genuine as they enter the ring, and that her teamwork is both trustworthy and enthusiastic.

"Oh, pssh, I'm from /California/," Tiffany points out to Sada as she gets herself situated in the ring. "This is fine!" She's also starting to sweat, but she doesn't particularly care about it; this is normal, for her, even if the /particulars/ of the temperature are a little... much. At least, that's how she intends to play it!!

She has totally failed to listen to the legend of Tak. Why would she? She just sort of does things arbitrarily.


Dr. Richard Tran is already in a bikini. The back proudly showcases his 'Hot Stuff' in thick, swirly, and garishly neon letters. "What? What do you mean, where's my teammate?" Dr. Tran's brow furrows in consternation, as he attempts to circumvent this final obstacle before his free beach vacation. "No, see, I wrote in on the form, it's just myself, I don't want some dumb asshole screwing this up for me." After a moment, he tilts his head and takes his sunglasses off, rubbing his temples, seeming to only grow more confused. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about, I need to get to my hotel so I can drop my stuff off and get to the beach. No, no I don't have to get to the volcano, why would I--Oh. Ten minutes? And if I don't show up...oh."

The doctor, grim-faced, replaces his shades. "I hope there's a bar there." And then he's off, sprinting to a nearby shuttlebus with Zack's face being weird on the side.


A shuttlebus going /way/ too fast skids to a halt, the doors exploding off the instant it comes to a complete stop. Dr. Tran leaps out, coat flapping dramatically behind his majestically tiny, bikini'd manbody.

"I'M HERE IT'S OK LET ME KEEP MY ROOM, I WANT TO STAY, DON'T oh hey there /is/ a bar. Nice." He strides forward, swinging by the minibar on his way to the ring, determined already to make even a /part/ of this experience a positive one.

"Alright," he drains his floofly umbrella drink immediately and tosses it carelessly to the side. "So this shouldn't take long, right? And then I can go to the beach?"


"Why am I even here?" demands MMA superfan and Talking Dead enthusiast Phil Brooks.

"because we don't know if the inhibition module will mess up his combat abilities, and we want you to be here to talk him through it if you need to," says Kirsten Geary smartly. She isn't really paying attention to him, or to the bank of monitors the two are sitting in front of; rather, she is playing Candy Crush Saga on her phone.

"He'll be fine," retorts an exasperated Phil Brooks, known friend of the Nerdist and hockey enthusiast. "He's a God damn robot."

"Well, we'll see," Kirsten says. Mostly she is concerned if whether she needs to use a lollipop hammer right now or not.



For the viewers at home (or elsewhere on the island) the screen becomes a delightful blast of static, and then a shockingly high-budget logo graphic appears on the screen, heralding the arrival of 'Team With Himself', and also the arrival of some cover band just going apeshit on 'Cult of Personality.'

And then, from out of the jungle behind Dr. Richard Tran, walks Dr. Richard Tran. He, too, is in a bikini, except his is, shall we say, a tad tight in the front; thin trickles of sweat run down his eight-pack abs, and his hair rustles sexily in the wind. It is unknowable how the two men are so identical, but one of them is so chair-destroyingly sexy, while the other one is Dr. Richard Tran.

Tran #2 breezes right past Tran #1, his eyes fixed dead ahead in the middle distance; he slides into the ring, rises easily to his feet, and then just... stands there, staring at Tiffany and Sada. The other Tran doesn't even seem to warrant his acknowledgement; he's far too busy smoldering. Smoldering... /sexily./

Yes... California, Sada thinks. Where you get melanomas in the desert and die!!

Then a bus comes in and disgorges Dr. Richard Tran. He makes his way up in great haste with a drink, which he drains and then hurls to the floor. Sada's hair is stirred by an infernal breeze as she looks down at the glass and umbrella tos't so callously upon the ground.

The arrival of Dr. Tran's twin brother, who has a significantly more chiseled abdomen and a significantly more prominent fighting aura, only makes Sada's disgusted expression more profound.

"So... you've come here in your novelty outfits... in order to disdain our fighting skills and insult us with your overheated looks? Do you think this is a joke, just because we're on a tropical island?"

Sada turns a little to look at the taller girl. "Tiffany..."

Her eyes glint slightly. "Let's tear them apart."

With this Sada steps forwards and lowers her hands, which she realizes a bit too late are going to get thick gray volcanic ash on them as a result, onto the ground, starting to do a tumbling cartwheel forwards, towards Dr. Tran Original Flavor. This is ridiculous and harmless for a full 360 revolution, until at the last moment she hand-vaults herself forwards, legs coming up to lock her shins around his neck!

At which point, hopefully, she will dangle, her back whacking wetly against his front. Wet with sweat! Normally this would be exciting, but as astute followers will recall, Sada is like a poison dart frog: /capable of causing intense dermal agony/.

COMBATSYS: Sada has started a fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Sada             0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran brings his battle systems online.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Sada             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tiffany has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Sada             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Tiffany          0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Tran has joined the fight here.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Sada             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0          Tiffany
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Tran             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

That is all true.

Tiffany takes a much different view of this whole situation than Sada does; she smiles broadly as she sees the twin Trans appear, because as opponents go, bluntly, she feels like she's won a very special sort of lottery. Cracking a broad smile, she leans against the edge of the ring and enjoys the view for a few seconds. Even if Tran's not exactly a catch and is much too old for her, she can still enjoy that much.

"... Really? Twins? Like... seriously?" It /kind/ of makes sense, but... Oh well, Tiffany thinks -- time to act! Sada takes the initiative anyway, encouraging a distinctly aggressive pose from PTSD.

Springing forward, the young Lords heiress goes for a cartwheeling kick at the undeniably sexier of the Trans. "So, like -- what's it like to have a twin?" she asks, as they rush in, genuinely curious.

COMBATSYS: Tran dodges Sada's Sadaplata.

[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Sada             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0          Tiffany
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////////]
Tran             0/-------/-------|-------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran blocks Tiffany's Groovy Wheel.

[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Sada             0/-------/-------|>------\-------\0          Tiffany
[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////   ]
Tran             0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Something has immediately gone terribly, terribly wrong. Luckily, Dr. Tran has years of high-quality Illuminati training and field experience to fall back on.


Tran cries in a curled up ball, rocking back and forth in the dark. "This isn't happening this isn't happening this isn't happening this isn't happening" He chants for some time until a crack of light appears, and an annoyed woman states, "Here he is. He was locked in the supply closet. Again. Get the morphine."


Tran wastes no time in moving directly into phase 1 of his multi-stage conflict resolution system: Denial.

"Yes, I have come here alone, in my natural state, by myself, to fight you, because I have to. I guess." He scowls, taking his sunglasses off and tucking them into his labcoat's breast pocket. "Just me, because I am the only me that exists, end of story." Just as Sada vaults at him, the doctor briefly disintegrates into speedlines, before reforming in a crouch on the other side of the aggressively hoppy schoolgirl. "It could just be my drink was poisoned."

He stands, twists, and swings a hand out all in one quick motion, looking to snag the back of Sada's hair before she gets too far away, manners be damned, and then jerk her noggin straight downward into his quickly approaching knee. "Like, that's plausible, right?"

Tiffany comes cartwheeling in, and Tran #2 throws up his arms to catch her leg on the way down; the blow connects solidly, driving Tran's elbows into his chest sharply... but before Tiffany can pull her leg back, Tran's arms slither around it and grab ahold. The good doctor's left leg snaps out to drive a sharp kick into the teenage girl's inner thigh, and then he lifts it, entwines it around Tiffany's raised leg, and rotates, spinning both combatants through the air.

Unless Tiffany manages to escape the hold while the two are in midair, when they hit the ground, the girl lands hard on her front, and her leg is clutched in between those of one Dr. Richard Tran. The doctor's legs are both encircling Tiffany's, where he lies supine, and he's bridging his entire body upwards.

The good news, for Tiffany, is that her knee is, like, RIGHT against his donger, and it is, in the words of at least one psychologist, 'very erotic!!'. The bad news is that the knee is also trying very hard to bend the opposite of the way it is supposed to, and it hurts really, really bad.

"It is agony," he finally answers her question, his voice a level monotone.

COMBATSYS: Tran successfully hits Sada with 3 2 1...Dr Tran.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|>------\-------\0          Tiffany
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             0/-------/-----==|-------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran successfully hits Tiffany with Dr. Tran?'s Game of Thrones Podcast.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|>>>----\-------\0          Tiffany
[ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             0/-------/-----==|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

And just like that... Dr. Tran grasps Sada's knee and slams her head down into his bulgingly protruberant bony knee, at which point Sada lets out a snarl of dismay and rebounds, her scalp bruised and her eyes ablaze with fury at her hair being so snarled up. Left on the ground for a moment, her chest heaves, which the bikini makes pretty artful.

"Hhhahhhhh," Sada breathes out, contorted as she is. Nonetheless, despite the cruel grasp of Dr. Richard Tran, history's greatest monster, on her hair... she forces herself up to her feet.

"I'm going to show you the true meaning of hallucination," Sada growls low in her throat, before reaching up to wipe off her forehead with one hand. This is not normally an aggressive move.

She flicks the sweat into Dr. Tran's face. RU--

Oh, it just exploded with a shower of tiny firecracker bursts, hopefully splattering his gorgeous visage with agony. ... Rude?

"You're ignoring your own BROTHER? Is this some kind of stupid ACT??"

Tiffany wastes a lot of energy struggling in the hold rather than really acting decisively, and pays for it; her leg gets bent and nearly broken by the ridiculously, unnecessarily complex hold. Fortunately, she wriggles her way out /eventually/ -- but her whole body is, indeed, in agony.

Hopping around on the leg as she tries to find her stance again, Tiffany feels like something is totally off about their opponents. Even though they're twins, the pair couldn't seem more different in bearing, once they actually start talking. "... huh, not what I was expecting," she notes through gritted teeth.

Fortunately, there's at least one thing she can do that doesn't require talking /or/ more than one leg! Turning one of those hops into a high leap, the Lords heiress pulls herself into a flip and aims that /same/ leg straight down, hoping to hammer through that already-pressed guard with it.

COMBATSYS: Sada successfully hits Tran with Glow Bomber.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Sada             0/-------/---====|>>>>---\-------\0          Tiffany
[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             0/-------/---====|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran dodges Tiffany's Exciting Kick.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Sada             0/-------/---====|>>>>---\-------\0          Tiffany
[   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             0/-------/---====|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

"So, are you agreeing with me, or...?" Dr. Tran trails off, not really sure where this is going as he absentmindedly readies himself to continue fighting this (hallucinatory?) girl as he casually converses with her. Exploding sweat does nothing to disprove the doctor's underlying theory regarding the current situation. In fact, as promised from Sada, it does indeed enhance it considerable.

"Ah!" Tran exclaims, gently smacking his fist onto his palm. He does not seem to react to the searing pain, despite the audible sizzling coming from his face. "I see what you're getting at." The way his eyes have lost focus seem to suggest, if anything, the opposite. "So, now that you've revealed yourself as the potato fairy, I definitely know that /probably/ I was not hallucinating before, but I am /now/, so nothing I do matters because you'll all be gone when I wake up."

Tran pauses again, as his concern mounts a valiant but ultimately futile attempt to overpower the intense pain that is directly on his cornea.

"Then--" He brings his hands up to his face, mashing them against his eyes, and begins screaming. Running forward, partially blind, he leaps into the air, and more or less gracelessly falls at Sada in a tangled, thrashing clump of man, sweat, and tears.

Tran may not have provided what Tiffany expected, but Tiffany has certainly provided what Tran expected, especially in regards to her breasts barely staying in her top. Unlike all of her other opponents, however, Tran doesn't seem distracted in the least by this; perhaps this is why he so effortlessly football-spins around the incoming attack, pops up behind Tiffany as she lands and struggles to recover one-leggedly, and gives her a big old friendly neck-hug.

As his arms tighten around her neck, he puts all his weight on the girl, trying to drive her off-balance and forwards, face-first, onto the groun again, so he can drop all of his (shockingly substantial) weight onto her back and pin her down while he chokes her.

Overall, it's pretty natsukashi for Tiffany.

COMBATSYS: Tran successfully hits Sada with Dr. Tran's Summer Splash.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Sada             1/------=/=======|>>>>---\-------\0          Tiffany
[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             0/-------/=======|=------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tiffany fails to interrupt Dr. Tran? Destroys an Amish Community from Robo-Tran with Groovy Knuckle.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Sada             1/------=/=======|>>>>>>-\-------\0          Tiffany
[     \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             0/-------/=======|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Sada disengages after this fling, as Tran smacks his palm into his fist, which means he's not grabbing onto her hair. She tosses her hair back and fusses with the long black locks, before she raises her attention again just as the man - the legend - DR. TRAN - lunges forwards. She attempts to leap back -

Volcanic ash can be kind of slippery at a deceptive time!

In fact, that ash is ground into her face as Tran rolls around with her, his superior size and fatness making her get the least of it for long lingering seconds of kicking, struggling, and twisting around. Tran's own masculine layer of grease seems to protect him from incidental contact with Sada, until she finally kicks loose, thrashing, leaping to her feet.

Half coated in gray, she looks down at the Tran of Destiny, eyes blinking furiously. And then she grins, slowly, because he's still thrashing there. Delusional! Hallucinating! Sada raises one hand to her face, scraping off the ash.

"Change and plague the sight of man," she says, feeling perhaps the presence of the idol at her back. "Grind and writhe, forever damned."

Sada takes in a breath as she glances towards Tiffany, notably not moving into bail her out. "Free the flame in blood ensealed, heat til soul and flesh anneal..."

Sada grasps her lower eyelid. "Loose the punishment of man -"

Sada pulls downwards, and that horrible THING she does, when she scrapes against her tearduct and some unnatural mixture of high blood pressure, demonic enthusiasm, sadomasochism and just refined pure cruelty arcs out. Thankfully this is not clearly shown on the tape, because this is definitely a Don't Try This At Home moment. Even so, though, Sada's voice rises to a high, scornful wail:


The blood catches fire as it crosses the hot and stagnant air between her and Tran. It also catches fire again on human flesh. Which is kind of all hanging out there, huh!

COMBATSYS: Tran instinctively blocks Sada's Haemolacria.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Sada             0/-------/------=|>>>>>>-\-------\0          Tiffany
[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             1/-------/=======|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Though Tiffany usually has a fairly good sense of how to aggress into attempted grapples, here she just makes the mistake of popping up at the wrong moment from her usual round of ducking and spinning. Her head ends up inserting itself squarely between Robo-Tran's hands, letting them get wrapped squarely around her neck as she's pinned to the floor.

"Ugghhhh, this is the /worst/," Tiffany groans out once she manages to weakly thrash around enough to get herself disengaged from the hold again. She feels positively miserable. "I tried and I just /couldn't/... ugghhhhh." Surely complaining counts as posturing, for the War God. Right?


Hopping around on one foot and panting for breath, Tiffany does her best to put her guard back up.

For a while, Dr. Tran continues to mercilessly grapple with some dirt. When things start almost-rhyming, though, he stops, attention slowly refocusing on his girlish foe. He spits out a small mouthful of ash, then stands up just as the rhyme completes.

He is like ninety percent sure that he's not seeing a real thing, so the obvious thing to do is accept that even if he doesn't acknowledge the BLOOD GEYSER being SPRAYED AT HIM out of a HUMAN EYE, nothing bad could possibly happen. He thinks this until the very last second and changes his mind because "JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT IS GROSS NO NO NO NO"

And he scampers, turning and kicking up a cloud of ash behind him, spraying earth everywhere in a vaguely dampening cloud. Some blood still penetrates the arguably-on-purpose cloud, and lands directly on Dr. Tran's vulnerable ass.

It sizzles on his bikini, but the heat does not fully penetrate the fabric, because this bikini was made to protect against the hottest thing on the planet.

So even though Dr. Tran's wearing it, it only burns his butt a /little/. This indignity is still enough to cause him to whirl around, eyes smouldering with rage (and literal, actual steam).

"My ass is toasted, burning hot!" The volcano beneath rumbles, reflecting perhaps Tran's growing rage?

"But! It's sacrifice won't be for naught!" In front of Sada, a hazy outline of steamy energy rises from the ground, a weird little pyramid just poking up.

"I'll blow you back from whence you came!" And then the rest of it shoots upward, a wide phantom construction of chi ripping up out of the ground, sending dirt in every direction. "BEHOLD! DR. TRAN'S GHOST MOUNTAIN!" If you squint, it kind of looks like it has a spooky face.

Tiffany goes on the run, and Tran #2 - to put it simply - chases her like she was a white girl in the jungle.


"Why isn't he talking?" demands Phil Brooks, husband of AJ Lee and UFC recruit.

"What?" asks Kirsten Geary, without looking up from her phone.

"Talking," repeats Phil Brooks, straight-edge icon. "They're supposed to talk, right? They're supposed to monologue while they fight. Or rhyme, or something."

"Oh," Kirsten says, finally looking up with a frown. "I don't-- Bill, make him talk. Make it, I don't know, song lyrics or something."


"You know where you are?" Tran says, his voice a mixture of barely-restrained contempt and horrifying calm, as he approaches Tiffany. "You're in the jungle, baby. You're gonna /die./"


"I guess that technically /does/ count as song lyrics," concedes Kirsten Geary, with a thoughtful frown.


Now that Tiffany has been suitably warned of her fate, a scalding hot blast of steam suddenly boils out of Tran's flesh; he thrusts one hand out towards Tiffany, and a blast of the stuff soars through the air towards her, which might not suck as much if it weren't for, you know, breasts, barely in her top.

Should've gone for the one-piece.

COMBATSYS: Sada blocks Tran's Dr. Tran and the Secret of Ghost Mountain.

[                \\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|>>>>>>-\-------\0          Tiffany
[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Tran             0/-------/------=|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tiffany dodges Robo-Tran's Dr. Tran? Blinds a Schoolgirl.

[                \\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|>>>>>>>\-------\0          Tiffany
[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Tran             0/-------/------=|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Sada has left the fight here.

[         \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////      ]
Tiffany          0/-------/<<<<<<<|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Tran             0/-------/------=|

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran takes his battle systems offline.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////         ]
Tran             0/-------/------=|>>>>>>>\-------\0          Tiffany

COMBATSYS: Tiffany has left the fight here.

[       \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Tran             0/-------/------=|

Sada's savage look of glee as horrifying fire-blood smashes into Dr. Tran's tender American corpus is unhidden, even as Tran retreats like a lobster, kicking up ash and much in his passage. The burst of blood scores him, and she cackles. Wordless pure glee - because someone else got hurt!

And then the ground starts to erect a stiff cone. Sada looks down at it, baffled. Before -


The spooky face is clearly 2 spoopy 4 sadas, because it knocks her to the ground, sending her tumbling across the ash and getting utterly caked in it! This impromptu round of Volcana cosplay is accompanied by a really terrible thing, which is some of that ash getting into her mouth.

This is disgusting on its own; now, though, it reacts to whatever horrible devil mojo is in her saliva, fizzing out like she's choking to death on a giant rabies meatball. She rises to one knee, wiping her face and cursing silently, breathing heavily. Perhaps she doesn't want to lunge right at the eminent doctor, or perhaps she's following in the grand tradition of American heroes and taking an in-ring nap.

It does provide some exciting bikini shots for the viewers at home!!

The intimidating Dr. Tran #2 manages to press Tiffany backward -- but doesn't /quite/ manage to corner her, so when she sees him moving forward, she ducks back and then rolls hard to one side. Accordingly, the gout of steam comes up just short; she takes a second to let out a relieved sigh, glancing over to Sada as she takes a breather.

Tiffany follows cues easily; she breathes deeply through her nose -- but she's not trying to recuperate, even though she /really/ should after all the agonizing shots she's taken from one of the twin Trans.

Rather, she's trying to get a better sense of the way Tran is moving, compared to his... brother Tran? Sure. We'll go with that. There are some differences -- and she needs some idea of how to fight into them, fast.

Dr. Tran does not know what caused him to break into what can almost pass as rhyme, even though presumably there was a pamphlet, some kind of literature maybe, to explain what the basic concept for this fight was. He did not read anything, because reading is for LOSERS with nothing to do except read books and road signs and crap and take fantastic voyages into the realm of imagination that will be your secret joy and inspiration as you endure the storms of ill fortune that the world unrelentingly throws in your face.

(Sorry, Himeko???)

Dr. Tran does know that he didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit.

Other things he dislikes: the lingering burning sensation in his nether bits. "Maybe not that bad once you get used to it, like love, unrequited?" The doctor tests the idea briefly, remembers he's in a fight, and then maybe tries to do something about anything.

"Further clinical trials are required." As Sada's spirit has /clearly/ been broken, the doctor breaks out into a slow jog at Tiffany, slowly increasing in speed.

"If you would just hold still a tic," Tran calls out, moving faster and faster until he's in a flat-out run. He gauges the distance, leaps into the air like a majestic brown swan, and closes the remaining distance with a quick blast of steam to propel him even further, his crotch turning into an actual rocket that is aimed right at Tiffany's vulnerable forehead.


The volcano rumbles, ominously and angrily.

Tran #2 is at least stylistically distinct from his brother(?); he moves like a fairly vanilla MMA fighter, the kind who never really make it out of the bush league of UFC and Bellator and onto the worldwide prizefighting promotions like SNF and WWE.

Apparently, however, being some low-rent MMA jabroni doesn't mean he's careless; when Tiffany takes a moment to study him, for an instant he looks as if he's about to rush her... and then he suddenly rocks back on his heels and gives her a look, the first significant emotion he's shown so far.

The look more or less communicates the sentiment of, 'Bitch, please.'

And so rather than rush Tiffany, Tran #2 instead turns his head back and forth until he finds a nearby camera crew; his eyes locked on the camera, he lifts one arm to point at Tiffany, and then exaggeratedly lifts both hands above his head, presses his palms together, and then lowers them onto his right cheek, tilting his head as if he were pantomiming sleeping. Only then does he turn back to Tiffany, and shift down into a fighting stance again.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran gains composure.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Sada             0/-------/------=|=======\-------\1          Tiffany
[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////////  ]
Tran             0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tiffany interrupts Dr. Tran's Burrito Magnum EX from Tran with Beautiful Spin.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/------=|=======\====---\1          Tiffany
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////////  ]
Tran             0/-------/--=====|=------\-------\0        Robo-Tran

As the Tran whom she has showered in horrible acidic fluids ducks off to try and snap his donger onto Tiffany's blonde forehead, Sada is looking remarkably clean. Part of this is due to the exfoliative properties of volcanic tephra, of course.

But part of it is because - for some reason - her skin is still sweaty. And for some reason the ash seems to just be falling off her, fizzing lightly. She sweeps her hair back with one hand and rises up to her feet.

Dr. Tran's twin brother seems to be camping out and intently watching Tiffany, doubtless preparing to get in and make things even worse on the blonde bomber. That would be funny, but Sada has had enough losses for one month. She runs inwards as Tran(?) begins preparing, possibly starting to vibrate...

At which point she arches one leg over his own and straddles his thigh.

This becomes much less sexy when she loops an arm around to try and get him into some significant fraction of a nelson, bend him backwards to put tension on his sick abs, and also, of course, cake him in horrible acidic sweat. "How does it feel to know that you and your brother are going to LOSE together?" she shouts, salaciously.

Tiffany hates not being taken seriously whether the person doing so is good-looking or not; accordingly, when Ms. Lords sees a rather... disrespectful attack headed her way, to put it delicately, she decides to deal with it the only way she can: launching herself into it feet-first.

She can't totally disperse the momentum that the slightly internally fleshier Tran has, and accordingly, when her chi-wreathed feet spiral up into the air and directly into the attack, she's still pushed around a little -- but the meat of her attack is what lands, pressing straight up into the good doctor's unmentionables.

"Float like a butterfly, and sting like a lady!" Tiffany declares, as she gets her feet back underneath her and squarely on the ground. "Your stupid gross wiener is super max shady!" She clenches her fists proudly, getting herself a little more evenly situated.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran blocks Sada's Sparkling Abdominal Stretch.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/-----==|=======\====---\1          Tiffany
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             0/-------/--=====|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

"Not my brother!" It is unclear if this is intended as a clarification regarding the nature of the relationship between two Trans, a scream of dismay, or simply outright denial. The subtlety of human language can be difficult to accurately convey at the best of times; when you are trying to destroy a woman with your crotch, and she is the one doing the destroying instead, well. Then, only Youtube may judge for certain.

"Aggghbl," comes Dr. Tran's eloquent response to Tiffany's scathingly deep commentary.

He actually, somehow, manages to land on his feet, albeit in an unusually bow-legged position. The doctor doesn't really move for a few seconds, then slowly turns around to reface the bubbly cheerleading nutcracker. There does not appear to be any emotion left.

"Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life." Behind Tran, who is completely, 100 percent stone statue still after speaking, the air begins to shimmer.

COMBATSYS: Tran gathers his will.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/-----==|=======\====---\1          Tiffany
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             1/----===/=======|==-----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

As it turns out, while Tran #2 was looking at the camera, Tran #1 was hurling himself at Tiffany; this prompts a mild look of annoyance from the former, but before he can advance to support his teammate, Sada starts rubbing herself, just, all over him.

Unfortunately for her, she's not quite able to lock it in all the way; Tran #2 hooks his right arm around her head, pulling at her chin and neck with his hand. It's not really enough to cause any damage, but it's distracting, and the man keeps thrashing around in her grip.

FORTUNATELY for her, however, her acidic sweat is certainly doing its job... although Tran's brother(?) must take the idea of being 'thick skinned' to the extreme, because usually after the amount of sizzling going on on the barely-clothed man's flesh, a little bit of blood starts to show up, not just... more skin.

Double fortunately for her, at least it's a nice view. The two Trans may be practically identical, but they certainly differ in at least one currently very visible way.

Sada has only a few seconds to admire the view, however, before Tran #2 finally manages to hook his arm fully around her neck and flips forward, ripping the girl out of the grapple and flipping her over him in a simple headlock takedown, tossing her roughly into the sand (slash ash) in front of him. A heartbeat later he's upon her, to...

... give her a tender hug from behind? All things considered, it's actually pretty nice.

Sada has about a sixth of a second to remember that oh, no, there's no way some hunky ripped American guy is about to just grind on her mid-fight, and then Tran #2's grip around her waist tightens, and he falls backwards, hauling the Japanese girl up over him and bridging his back as he does. This has the delightful effect of slamming the top and back of Sada's head into the ground with all of her weight coming down on it.

Throughout the whole ordeal, Tran #2 doesn't release Sada's waist... and if she remains in his grip throughout the move, he rolls over, pinning her briefly to the ground facedown beneath his bodyweight, and then rises, deadlifting Sada off the ground to swing her overhead and smash her brains apart on the ground again.

And then, should she somehow still be in his grip that far, what the hell, he does it a third time, just to make her really feel bad about herself.

COMBATSYS: Sada dodges Robo-Tran's Brutal Throw Chain.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/-----==|=======\====---\1          Tiffany
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////////////    ]
Tran             1/----===/=======|===----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

The chin grasp! OH NO! Sada is hoisted upwards, although that thick skinned nature of this giant rubbery white man is something that Sada doesn't quite notice. She does, of course, notice the 1.4 Johnny Cage situation down low, before she's hooked and flipped down into a headlock.

Wham! The ash stirs around as Robo-Tran comes in for the erotic embrace and, no doubt, a brutal sesssion of hotdogging. Or so he would think, and so it comes to pass that Sada's unusually dewy epidermis is an advantage, for when Mystery Tran falls backwards, she raises her arms and -

It works in the sense that Sada avoids harm. It does not work in the sense that an Asai-clan mon bikini top slaps on Robo Tran's optical sensor, temporarily blinding him and perhaps his support crew.

Whirling around, Sada realizes what's happened in a flash of a momentary fury. "You fucking freak!" she declares (in Japanese, helpfully, since that'll be easier to dub over). As El Tran de Autentico hoists himself up, Sada rushes over, eager to 'help' --

No, she's using his upward momentum to try and hook her arms underneath his pert, well-sculpted ass, sweep him up beneath the thighs and then drop him down on her knee. "I'm going to crush your balls!!" she shouts (again in Japanese - hope they have a plausible dub actress).

Tiffany gets some time to breathe again thanks to her strong showing -- and for that matter, ends up giving /Tran/ some time to breathe, which is a little less on the excellent side. By this point, she is pretty forcefully attempting to ignore the cornucopia of sights in front of her; it's just not practical to look that much right now.

Realizing that she's started to pretty fundamentally overcommit herself, Tiffany -- now panting in the heat -- decides that she might do well to back off on her offense a little. Take things nice and slow -- or at least nice and big, rather than aggressing nonstop.

Accordingly, while Tran waxes philosophical, Tiffany takes a few steps in, ducking low, and then whirls her legs out to either side, hoping to hit the /real/ good doctor with a pair of kicks as she notes, "Spiritual life? Is this really the time?" After a beat, in the middle of her second kick, she adds, "Hey, wait a second -- you didn't even rhyme!"

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran fails to interrupt Power Throw from Sada with Dr. Tran?'s Unfeasible Poke Interrupt.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////             ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|=======\-------\0          Tiffany
[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Tran             1/----===/=======|=====--\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tran interrupts Heavy Kick from Tiffany with Dr. Tran Goes For Broke.

[           \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////                   ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|=======\=======\1          Tiffany
[                 \\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////          ]
Tran             1/----===/=======|=====--\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Dr. Richard Tran did not do all of the things that he has done in his life just to let some snot-nosed high school brat tell /him/ when it is and is not okay to say whatever random things are crashing around destruction-derby style in his brain. FURTHER, when Dr. Tran says two words rhyme (and he's not, instead choosing to become more and more confused by his inability to stop whatever the thing he is doing counts as), the words have no choice but to obey his tyrannical wishes.

"What the hell are you even babbling your dumb face on about?" That sounds a bit more like the perpetually enraged organic weirdness engine that first stepped foot onto this volcano, all those many minutes ago. "Though through your eyes you see a lout..." The doctor trails off, slowly lifting a single leg straight vertically upward, giving pretty much everybody the view that nobody wanted to see. "From mine I see a path to rout."

And right as Tiffany's second kick comes in, Tran's leg snaps viciously downward, catching her between it and the ground like a bear trap made out of real bears.

"HAHA, YES! I CLAIM VICTORY IN THIS BOUT! NO!" The doctor claws harmlessly at his own mouth, trying to make this nightmare end. "It's not worth it. It's not worth it, no!"

Many men might blush, or get super excited, or finish in terror, when their slippery teenage girl opponent comes out of their hands and her top doesn't. Indeed, the assembled camera crews and handful of live audience all pop like they just saw a Dolph Ziggler DDT.

Tran #2 doesn't; instead he slaps the bikini top sharply out of his face and goes to scramble to his feet to resume the attack. He scrambles with such urgency, in fact, that he gets to eat a huge atomic drop onto his junk. He impacts hard, and bounces right off of Sada's leg and onto his feet, turning to face her.

For a second he just... stands there, giving Sada a somewhat bewildered look, as if nothing had happened. Sada certainly knows she connected - it'd be hard not to - but nothing seems to be coming of it.

And then, as if suddenly realizing he's supposed to be in agony, Tran #2 pitches forwards and collapses silently to the ground, holding his hands between his legs. Reacting like that, he must have taken the hit hard enough to be in shock... although, really, it'd almost be a shame if she broke something.

Sada's chest heaves as Robo-Tran takes that bump and then almost forgets to sell it. This makes her brow furrow in astonishment and surprise, crouching down slightly to look to see what the hell is wrong with this man -

But instead he's suddenly grasping at his wiener.

"You sicko!" Sada declares, even as she pulls herself upwards. He may have a big package, but that, at least, is only making for a bigger target. "You may have a lot, but it's about to get treated. But the way that you're acting--"

Sada tosses her hair. "You'll get off once defeated..."

Then Sada spits.

You know where she spits.

With a sickening crack, Tiffany feels her leg very nearly snap all at once; it's not /quite/ a leg-destroying sideways MMA snap, but it feels like it in the moment. She cries out wordlessly, eyes very nearly tearing up; ultimately, she settles for crawling away, her leg absolutely /singing/ given the wringer that both of the Trans have put it through over the course of the bout.

"Nnnghhh... What's the big idea?! Don't break my foot!" Even if she knows she's stuck it out a lot, it doesn't exactly feel great to have her offense taken such ruthless advantage of. "That's something... up with which... I will not... put?" She makes a face, leaping up into the air.

Leaping up into the air despite her wobbling posture, Tiffany aims her legs -- going for the thighs, rather than the shins like usual -- for the good doctor's face, hoping to wrap them around and start spinning. And spinning. ... and spinning. Really, given she's overheated already, putting herself right up on someone with steam chi perhaps isn't the best idea, but...

... well, she's not in a good place right now anyway.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran reflects Contemptuous Spit from Sada with Dr. Tran? and the Pickle Gambit.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////                    ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|===----\-------\0          Tiffany
[                 \\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Tran             1/----===/=======|====---\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tran endures Tiffany's Groovy Screw.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////                    ]
Sada             0/-------/----===|===----\-------\0          Tiffany
[                       \\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Tran             1/----===/=======|====---\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Tiffany says some words after she gets counter-kicked. By the time they've filtered into Dr. Tran's brain, the result is something like this: "What's bigfoot? Something up. ...put?"

Obviously this is one hundred percent nonsense, which is all the doctor really expects out of anybody in the cheerleader's demographic. But what's /not/???(!)

"Huh?" Dr. Tran looks straight up, squinting and staring as he tries his skills at amateur cryptozoology. "That cloud.../looks/ kind of like Bigfoot, I guess. I'm not really sure how that's relevant in the face of--" As usual, Tran does not get to complete his thought because somebody is attacking him and that is rude. He's not even sure what's happening when Tiffany straddles his head, except that it's weirdly warm and quickly begins to make his neck, and by extension all of his other bones, hurt really bad. For a short time, all the doctor can do is endure the pain, striving to stay up and ready for whenever this dark hell ends.

"Mmmph mmmph mmmm, grrrrmph mrrph history?" It does end, just in time for another, seperate thought to finish. It is completely incomprehensible except for the last word, which is loud and clear as Tiffany finally lets up just a little bit. So Dr. Tran chooses that time to double over and slam both her and his head directly into the volcano's dirty-ass surface.

"LESSON ONE!" Then steam explodes out of his head in every direction, sending a small wave of highly fertile mud sweeping out omnidirectionally. "NATURAL FISTORY!"

At no point does he even make a fist, let alone use his hands in any way.

Sada spits. The glob of acidic saliva soars through midair in slow motion. As it does, Tran #2's hands fly up his body to his bikini top; he tightens his grip around the string between the two patches of fabric, and then rips it off, tossing it into the air.

As he does, boiling steam begins to pour from his skin, obscuring the man with its vaporous embrace. Also, there is a starburst behind him, his totally ripped abs gleaming.

Sada's spit disappears into the cloud of steam... and then, a heartbeat later, comes flying right back out, headed for her face.

All the cameras really catch is Sada spitting at Tran's lower body, and then a(nother?) glob of liquid come flying back up at her face. Somewhere, a Standards & Practices employee wakes up from a night terror, sweat caking his body. He does not know why... yet.

COMBATSYS: Sada blocks Robo-Tran's Reflected Contemptuous Spit.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////                    ]
Sada             0/-------/---====|===----\-------\0          Tiffany
[                       \\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Tran             0/-------/-----==|====---\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Tiffany fails to interrupt Dr. Tran's Super Murder Mystery 64 from Tran with Groovy Knuckle EX.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Sada             0/-------/---====|====---\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[                       \\\\\\\  <
Tran             0/-------/-----==|

COMBATSYS: Tiffany can no longer fight.

[            \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////           ]
Sada             0/-------/---====|====---\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[                       \\\\\\\  <
Tran             0/-------/-----==|

With a mighty whipsaw, a glob of questionable fluid flies out of the Totally Real Dr Tran's grinchy zone and up onto Sada. She throws up a hand, squealing in momentary dismay at this unfortunately agglutinative expectoration of some kind. "You did! UGH! Fuck!" she screams, whipping it off her hand with an expression of sheer revulsion.

Because what's worse is that it kind of sticks.

Sada flicks her hand repeatedly trying to get it loose! Considering how sweaty she is, as well as the ambient levels of MYSTERY which have been introduced in the air, this sends a veritable rainstorm of passionate teen steam down onto Dr. Tranimus Prime.

And in this case, those april showers do not bring may flowers. What do they bring instead? ACIDIC STINGING PAIN

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran fails to reflect Glow Bomber from Sada with Dr. Tran? Screws the Pooch.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/--=====|======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[                       \\\\\\\  <
Tran             0/-------/-----==|

The true mystery is why Tran would /ever/ make a fist. It just seems like it'd be the wrong move here.

Not making one, meanwhile, proves out to be the right move through and through; Tiffany /does/ make a fist, attempting to plow clean through the wave. Unfortunately, ducking low is exactly the wrong move here -- she's promptly covered in the mud, smothering whatever attempt she might have been about to make.

She does not exactly spring forth from it thereafter, either; indeed, she sort of half pokes her head out after a few seconds, but all that escapes are her nose and about a third of her hair.

It is at this point that Tiffany gives up.

When the steam around Dr. Tran clears, he is not there. Has this international man of mystery made an escape, made all the more mysterious because of his apparent victory?

Well, no. His head pokes up out of the quickly drying mud, his elemental influence on the natural world around him fading fast. "Huh." Certainly, it would be easy to follow Tiffany's lead, and simply collapse back into the muck and dirt and have a nice napsy nap. However, that still leaves the loose issue of his other opponent, who has helpfully kept herself busied with an innocent but surprisingly powerful weather balloon.

"Hey. Hey!" He shouts, trying to get Sada's attention, though it's apparent that she has far more pressing matters to attend to, like battle and sweating and being gross. However, in Dr. Tran's head, the Chain of Pressing Concerns is as absolute as it is simple.

Dr. Tran >>>> Everything Else

"I'm the one fighting here, are you stupid? Like a tree?" He dashes forward, back into the brawl between Sada and Robo-Tran, focusing on the target he is almost certain is real because she tried to set his junk on fire.

"He's not even real!" Uncaring of his hurtful slight toward robots, Tran lets loose with a dizzying flurry of tight, crisp punches, fists blurring as he delivers a rain of jabs at the sadistic schoolgirl. "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"

COMBATSYS: Tran issues a challenge!!

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/--=====|======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[                       \\\\\\\  <
Tran             0/-------/-----==|

As Sada begins frantically flicking Dr. Tran?'s Mystery Liquid away and raining her own mystery liquid down on him, steam continues to pour out of his body, and the first few waves of the semi-accidental assault bounce harmlessly back off of his body to fall on the ground nearby, creating tiny sizzling puddles.

Unfortunately for Team With Himself, Tran #2's steam runs out before Sada's xtreme Gatorade sweat does, and then he's just left... lying there, with acid sweat misting down on him. He seems only mildy perturbed - and doesn't seem to be in much pain (what a hardass) - but he does seem unsure how to proceed from here.


"Huhuh," Adam Devine(?) chortles, eyes sparkling, as he stares at his monitor. "Oh, yeah, girl, you're like a sexy-ass barrel of toxic waste, aren't you? Yeah, that's right, shake those pollutants for Daddy..."

There is a general chorus of groans, and cries of 'Dude!' and 'Come on!' from the rest of the room.

COMBATSYS: Sada dodges Tran's Dr. Tran's Buttle Punch EX.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/--=====|======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[                        \\\\\\  <
Tran             0/-------/-----==|

When Tiffany is defeated, Sada would expect she would feel joy. Pleasure. Exultation. But she is instead riding the wave of furious disgust with the very existence of Dr. Tran that makes her unable to take any relish in Tiffany's defeat. Indeed, this fall on the part of the taller girl means she is filled with a new resolve.

Perhaps today... a friendship will be forged.

No it won't.

As Tran 2 stays there sizzling with questionable heat, Sada whirls around as Dr. Tran calls for her attention. Her eyes are wide and blazing, and she's gotten enough ash and other crap smeared that she's not even breaking the rating, or at least only in a way that can be deniably put in the DVD liner notes online.

As he throws a brutal series of ~jab punches~ Sada answers him while ducking down low. In a shocking twist of fate, she is actually an inch taller than him despite being an evil schoolgirl. Maybe he'll grow. Having done this, she waits for his finisher, then shoves a shoulder forwards -

Is she going for the big lift!? Yes! And once she's straightened up, grimacing underneath the effort (or possibly slipping in the ash and falling on her face) and disproving (maybe) the thesis that NOBODY CAN LIFT DR. TRAN, she dumps him on the ground, like garbage and also at an angle calculated to maximize neck injury.

"Freak," she sneers.

COMBATSYS: Tran endures Sada's Strong Throw!

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran
[                            \\  <
Tran             1/--=====/=======|

For the briefest of moments, Dr. Tran considers the possibility that his punches have grown so strong that Sada has simply been blown away, obliterated on a molecular level by his powerful hands. Then he sees that she just ducked underneath his attacks, literally the last thing in the world he ever expected to happen. You can almost see the question marks hovering over his head.

But not for long, because Sada is lifting him over /her/ head, proving once and for all that either A: anybody can lift Dr. Tran or B: she is more man than anybody else here. It's academic for the doctor, because all he cares about is the impending compound neck injuries. Sure, he was planning on hitting the spa later (there is a spa, right? there can't not be a spa), but now he's gonna /have/ to whether he wanted to or not (he does a lot). That is /infuriating/.


That's the sound Tran's body makes when he hits the ground, falling flat and limp at Sada's feet. Drifing in and out of conciousness, he manages to make one last retort. "Are you really even a lass?" And then his foot shoots up like a rocket, going for what is known colliquially as a 'cunt punt'.


COMBATSYS: Tran can no longer fight.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////               ]
Sada             0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran


A slapfight has broken out over who's going to operate Robo-Tran, because the general consensus is that Adam Devine(?) is being, just, way too weird about it.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran gains composure.

[             \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Sada             0/-------/-======|======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Sada blocks Tran's Dr. Tran - Justice Jockey.

[                \\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  //////////////////            ]
Sada             1/-------/=======|======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran

After that brutal throw down, Sada stares, wondering if she killed him. Is she OK with that? She thinks she is -

His foot snaps upwards, in between her legs, and hits what feels like a wood block. She is THAT TENSED UP. Or maybe she's just actually really tough in that region. At least no acidic horrors gush out to kill the Man of Action. Sada spits on the ground and stalks towards the OTHER Tran.

She's coming...

Sada crouches down, hooking her arms underneath the armpits of the suddenly stunned Tran. (Did she break HIS neck instead? she wonders) Upsy daisy he goes, being brought up to his feet and steadied carefully by Sada, who then takes a step back and reaches up to curl her fingers in his hair.

Breathing heavily, she bobs her head once, twice, and then LEAPS up with her knees, driving them into the back of Tran(?) as she slams her knees in, aiming to press hard enough to bend him backwards like a giant letter C in the process!

"Eat the dirt, die, your pervert ass will fry!" Sada screams during this, right into Robo-Tran's delicate shell-like iEar.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran endures Sada's Hair Pull Backbreaker.

[               \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////                   ]
Sada             0/-------/-------|=======\==-----\1        Robo-Tran

Tran #2 puts up practically zero resistance to Sada's setup; it's almost like he's so stunned he's on some sort of autopilot.


"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M GONNA DO IT!" screams MMA superfan and Talking Dead sensation Phil Brooks over the susurrus that has filled the room.

Everyone else goes quiet as newlywed Phil Brooks shoves Adam Devine(?) out of the way and sits down at the console. "So how do I do this? Is there, like, a controller?" he asks.

"N-no, you just--" Adam Devine(?) struggles to explain, doing his best to point out controls to Marvel writer Phil Brooks without entering his personal space, or making any sudden movements. "You just-- the numpad, uh--"

"Well, get a God damn Xbox controller or something next time, Jesus," scowls friend of the Nerdist Phil Brooks.


Sada slams her knees into Tran #2 and he takes the bump like a champ, folding in half and then collapsing back to the ground. This time, however, he immediately starts struggling to get up, rising onto his knees.

Some sort of dark Workrate Force compels Sada to reach down and start pulling him to his feet to hit him again... and for her trouble she gets a shoulder in the cowhead of life as Tran #2 finally finds his feet, plants them, and lifts Sada off the ground, draped across his shoulders like she was a big-titty shawl. He staggers the rest of the way to his feet, carrying Sada with him, and spins in a circle until he finds a camera so he can look directly at it and, for the first time, actually fucking rhyme like he's supposed to.

"I'm an Ivy alumni and medical doc, at the peak of my physical form,
You're a weirdly exhibitionist individual who should have never been born,
You've been a very naughty girl; you best start counting sheep
And close your eyes, because it's time for you to /GO TO SLEEP./"

His piece said, Tran #2 pops Sada up off his shoulders and over his head, into the air in front of him. Time slows down for Sada, and she gets a /sweet real-life QTE./ If she pulls it off, probably something rad happens! But if she doesn't...

Sada drops right towards the ground like a rock, and as she does, Tran #2's right knee comes up to meet her head. If she's lucky, and thinks fast, maybe she can at least take it on the temple instead of the face, so she merely gets late-onset (if lifelong) neck issues instead of an exploded nose!

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran successfully hits Sada with Dr. Tran? Can't Feel His Legs.

[                        \\\\\\  < >  //////////                    ]
Sada             0/-------/-======|===----\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Sada is kind of stupid that way. The sensible thing to do would be to leave Tran on the ground and kick him in the ribs until he died, much like Kurt Russell in that distressingly realistic film Quentin Tarantino did while hanging out with Robert Rodriguez.

Then she's hoisted.

"What the shit!" she screams. "You're supposed to be DEAD! Shut up and DIE! Don't RAP! You can't RAP! YOU'RE INDIAN!" Still in Japanese, thankfully.

Thrown into the air after this, Sada thinks: What the hell! His brother was way weaker! This guy is like a machine! She tumbles forwards turning around and...

Well, whatever that possible option was: It didn't happen. In the past, and now we're moving on to the future, where we will all spend the rest of our lives until the machines (portrayed by Dr. Tran) decide that we aren't worth our feed. Much flesh will be reaved, and the uploaded minds will be used to mine dogecoins. In this reality, though, where the Flesh Removal hasn't happened, Sada does something incredibly stupid --

Sada attempts to slam her head down to intercept that knee. She goes long. The knee smashes and skids over the top of her head, sending a ripple through her intensely acidic body fluids. Her spine pops, paradoxically, several times, and she lands face-down in the dirt.

-- Which was in its own way incredibly smart. While it did her back no favors, her stupid, stupid decision put the force in a more distributed way. It at least followed the line of progress of her neck. The career ending injuries will have to wait til later!!

However: she's still in the dirt.

Until she kips up abruptly, ashen as death.

"Dropping stupid boasts is the sign of great anxiety,
The kind of shitty doctor who gets banned from good society,
The rubber toy down in your pants belies your basic lack,
As the perfect battle queen, prepare to get a"

Her hand lances up, glowing as the sweat on it erupts into more literal luminosity. On contact, it would make a loud, clear SMACK!!

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran blocks Sada's Beat the Cheek.

[                         \\\\\  < >  ////////                      ]
Sada             0/-------/--=====|=====--\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Tran #2 is pretty well celebrating his victory by the time Sada suddenly kips up; his hands are in the air, and he's hamming it up for the camera. When Sada kips up, he whirls around, face contorting into a mask of shock. He seems so astonished that Sada's still moving after that hit, in fact, that he's selling for the entirety of her rhymegasm. She throws her slap--

-- and Tran's arm snaps up, catching the blow before it can finish the rhyme. Instead, Tran finishes it himself; "Rack!!"

The mysteries of his choice of word quickly become clear; he lunges forward, ducking under Sada's raised arm. As he spins around to behind her, he hooks his right arm under her raised arm, and his left over her shoulder and around her neck, clasping a simple sleeper hold on the girl.

The part that makes it clear, of course, is when he yanks her to face her front towards the camera he's been working, firmly keeping at least one of her arms trapped and unable to cover anything important.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran successfully hits Sada with Dr. Tran? Destroys an Amish Community.

[                           \\\  < >  //////                        ]
Sada             0/-------/-======|=====--\-------\0        Robo-Tran

The sleeper hold! Sada's head immediately starts swimming, and she isn't even in a good position to give Robo-Tran the ol' blood eye. What a revolting development. She tries to breathe even as Robo-Tran takes pains to make this DVD a hidden underground thing, her teeth gritting, her body shaking.

Except that...

She's actually an inch taller than Robo-Tran.

Planting her feet firmly on the ground, Sada pushes forwards with grim resolution, letting herself go limp for a moment, letting the Tran of Action draw her backwards - and then throwing every last iota she has left forwards to try and flip him over--

To lay at the feet of the pagan idol who has overseen these games!

After this she blanks out. Hopefully the staff will keep Tran from teabagging her.

COMBATSYS: Sada can no longer fight.

                                  >  //////                        ]
                                  |=====--\-------\0        Robo-Tran

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran blocks Sada's Medium Throw.

                                  >  ////                          ]
                                  |======-\-------\0        Robo-Tran

Tran #2 goes flipping over Sada, his hold breaking, and slams back-first into the ground... and then, as Sada collapses behind him, he scrambles to his feet and sets upon her, his arms grabbing hers and snaking both his and hers around her head in an intricate knot, locking on a move known only as 'Dr. Tran? Pays the Bill.'

That's why as Sada's consciousness fades, she gets one last spike of agony... and then Tran #2 holds it there, on an unconscious Sada, until eventually the camera crew realize that Heel Shit is going down and swarm the couple, forcibly prying them apart as the feed rolls into the post-fight breakdown by some desk crew somewhere.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran takes his battle systems offline.

Log created on 21:54:33 01/29/2015 by Tiffany, and last modified on 11:59:07 02/04/2015.