SNF 2014.12 - SNF: A Rogue Rap Challenger!!!

Description: Well, Kensou. You almost have it. You managed to beat all comers in the "Fight for your Date!" promotion. Right now you're standing on top of a pile of bodies, all hopeful suitors trying to date the delectible ATHENA ASAMIYA, who has been growing steadily in fame and creepy stalkers lately. You've had a showdown at the local river bed out behind Gedo High, and no end of thugs have tasted your wrath. Athena is finally safe! And maybe she might be grateful--what the!! Suddenly, a real-ass robot busts through the concrete piling behind you. This guy wasn't even in the promotion! He's not legal, but there's no telling what the promoters will do. Especially since the rules state that eleventh hour "at-the-altar" style interruptions are perfectly legal. They are arguably twice as legal if the ROGUE CHALLENGER has challenged you to a rap-off. <WINNER of the RAP BATTLE: Robo-Tran>

Kensou stands victorious over all challengers at the Saturday Night Fight event du jour. Finally, he gets to go on a date with Athena. Finally, he might get to touch her breast. Finally, he--

Then the divider behind him, constructed out of concrete cinder blocks, erupts outwards, filling the air with dust and debris that washes outwards like a wave, swallowing up Kensou, his former opponents, and even the camera crew. After a few moments, a brilliant light flares to life through the new hole in the wall, diffused by the dust in the air; it grows gradually in intensity, and then gives way to a striking black silhouette, that lingers in the brand new doorway.

When the dust finally begins to settle, the silhouette's owner is revealed a none other than... Dr. Richard Tran.

Slowly, the good doctor raises a hand to remove his sunglasses, folding them closed and carefully slipping them into the breast pocket of his labcoat. "This is the promotional fight for rights to Athena Asamiya," he states. It's almost a question, but not... quite. "Forgive my tardiness."

Tran looks left, and then right, and finally his gaze settles on Kensou. "You are the sole remaining challenger, then," the doctor observes. Again, another almost question. "Very well. I will begin our 'rap battle.'"

And then, rather than raising his hands, Tran spreads them. Music swells from somewhere, soft, harmonizing voices, and Tran lifts his eyes to the heavens and takes a deep breath.

And then his eyes snap downwards, locking right on Kensou, and he takes a sharp step forwards.

o/` Everybo~ody~ (Ye~eah~) o/`

In a circle around Kensou, one by one, four more flickering, obviously illusory Dr. Trans appear. They all sing backup, more soft harmonizing voices... and, as a group, the five Dr. Trans begin to circle Kensou like sharks, slowly drawing ever closer to him.

o/` Rock your bo~ody~ (Ye~eah) o/`

The circle continues to close, the real Dr. Tran's eyes smoldering with frankly intimidatng sexuality. And, apparently, some small confusion over what constitutes rap.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran brings his battle systems online.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Robo-Tran        0/-------/------=|

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran takes his battle systems offline.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran brings his battle systems online.

[\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Robo-Tran        0/-------/-------|

Kensou was so close, he could almost taste he love quest finally being over.

But after tearing through countless young men like himself, he was at the top of the heap. Nothing, no one should have still been in his way. Already, the young chinese boy, clad in his blue shorts and jean jacket, clenches a fist, looking up to the sky. He could already imagine Athena's reaction to Kensou's victory. 'Kensou' she would say, tears in her eyes. 'Finally! I have been so shy, for so long, that I have been unable to confess my true feelings to you!' And then she would trip and fall. But Kensou would then catch her. The young martial artists mimes out his arms, catching in invisible Athena. 'Oh, Kensou!' she would exclaim, eyes shimmering. 'Kiss me now!' Kensou leans in to kiss the invisible Athena.

And then, Tran has arrived.

Kensou releases the invisible Athena, letting her fall to the ground as the stranger erupts into the event. Jaw slack, and eyes wide, he just STARES at the good doctor. Finally, he thrusts a finger at the man, stepping forward. "No! Who are you? Why have you come? You can't seriously-" He tries to walk towards the man...

And backs right up, as the four other Trans come.

Throwing up the open defensive stance of Northern Kung Fu, he holds on hand back, the other hand forward, as he spreads his legs apart. Watching the clones encircle him, closing in, he tightens his fists. "A rap battle? Never! If you watch to get to Athena, you'll have to beat me in fair combat." As the close in close enough, Kensou makes his move. Lashing out, he throws out a wild, whirling kick, attempting to knock them all away before shifting his attentions to the REAL Tran for a REAL fight... right?

The good audience wouldn't make him do a rap battle, right?

COMBATSYS: Kensou has joined the fight here.

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Robo-Tran        0/-------/-------|=------\-------\0           Kensou

o/` Everybo~ody~y~ o/`

Kensouís foot carves through the four illusory Trans like a hot knife through butter... or, perhaps, like a hot knife through empty air, as indeed the kick meets no resistance at all. The four Trans donít even react, except to flicker wildly as their constitution is disrupted. One by one, much as they appeared, they wink out of existence... but their voices remain.

o/` Rock your bo~dy right~ o/`

When Kensou turns to face the real Tran, heís met with a faceful of steam chi(?) in a bolt that erupts out of the doctorís fingers. And a literal faceful it is, the boiling hot gas streaming up his nose and into his eyes.

In the same instant, the music undergoes a dramatic shift, set off by the sound of a loud clap. And then... Dr. Richard Tran begins to rap.

"Check it, check it, check it--"
"Now this is just an introduction before--"
"I blow your mind!"
"The show is All of That and yes we do it all the time~"
"So sit your booty on the floor or in a chair--"
"Ground or in the air--"
"Just donít go no where!"

COMBATSYS: Kensou instinctively blocks Robo-Tran's Dr. Tran? Blinds a Schoolgirl.

[  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////////// ]
Robo-Tran        0/-------/-------|==-----\-------\0           Kensou

They were.. illusions?

As his kicks pass through the clones, he stumbles back as he lands, stunned by the realization. Who was this stranger? Why had he come? And why did he have to come NOW!? Kensou turns to each Tran, watching as they disappear, one by one. By the time he turns to face the real Tran, he is met with a blast of scalding steam.

And his instincts take over.

Covering his face, he stumbles back, swiping the burning mist with his hands. He avoids the main burning, letting the backs of his hands take the damage. Seared by the scalding steam, he forces himself away from the real Tran. Falling on his bottom, he removes the burned hands from his face, to the sounds of cheers.

But the cheers were for Robo-Tran!

Looking around, knees up, he forces himself to a stand. The crowd were eating up the rap. It seemed that if Kensou DIDN'T beat this stranger at his own game... then this stranger would be the winner? And then Athena would be go on a date with him.


Kensou could imagine it now. Instead of Athena confessing her true love for Kensou, it would be this strange man. 'Oh, attractive stranger' she would say, 'I don't know why, but someone you are more attractive than Kensou is! Kiss me now!' And then the stranger would kiss her! With the tongue too! And then she would get super pregnant from the kissing. 'Oh, stranger! I am now pregnant with your child! Our love will be crystalized forever!' But then the strange would leave her. And then Kensou would come to her. 'It is okay Athena! It does not matter what he does to you. I will always be here to support you! We can raise the baby together!' But Athena, pure as she was, would shake her head. 'No Kensou! I have made my mistake, and now I have become a bad girl. Instead of going to you, which would be the smart thing, I will instead call up Kyo or K-Dash and turn them into my abusive sugar daddy! All because you couldn't win me when you had the chance!'


Kensou shouts out loudly, leaning towards Tran. "I will not let you be a bad father, and cause an unwanted pregnancy, and take a perfectly innocent girl down a road of self-destruction! Have you no shame? If it is a rap battle you want! Then it is a rap battle you will get! You!" He points to the MC of ALL his fights. "I need your microphone!" The MC chucks it at Kensou, who deftly takes it out of the air. "All right! You want to rap! Lets Rap!"

And he leaps into the air.

"POM-POM cheerleaders! Let's get! Cherry Pie!"

Leading with an elbow, he sings in to the mic as he attempts to bowl over the Tran. Whether it hits or not, he will continue the aerial assault with a quick knee, following by a finishing kick, all before even hitting the ground.

"FUN! FUN! Welcome Party! Look up! Sensation!"

COMBATSYS: Kensou successfully hits Robo-Tran with Ryuu Renga.

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Robo-Tran        0/-------/---====|===----\-------\0           Kensou

Tran's face remains totally impassive when Kensou seemingly instinctively gets his hands up to protect his face, and it twitches only slightly when he starts screaming about impregnating Athena and being a bad father. Internally, however, he does have to wonder... how does Kensou know about his cover story, that he intends to impregnate Athena during their prom date? Perhaps early research showing no relation between psychokineticism and predictive abilities was wrong, and should be revisited. He makes a mental note to broach the subject at the next team meeting.

And he continues making this note, in fact, even as Kensou launches his counterattack. The flurry of blows all connect cleanly, driving through Tran's raised guard and knocking him off balance, until the final kick sends the doctor flying backwards through the air. He air recovers, of course, because fuck you, and lands lightly on his feet, sliding backwards for almost a full meter before he comes to a stop.

Tran pauses... and then, as he straightens and adjusts his lab coat, the music emanating from the air shifts and changes again. And then Tran begins to rap again.

"Your boy's a bad man, and we invadin' the streets,"
"Makin' unclever rappers scurred, they be droppin' the heat,"
"Shocked the world, now I'm standin' alone,"
"I flip fools like them clamshell cellular phones--"

As he builds up a head of steam (both literally and metaphorically, although both invisibly) he advances on Kensou, completely calmly and without fear, as if he were some sort of Terminator.
"You can't help but not your head to the track--"
"Fuck the watered down rap, we be takin' it back--"

As he draws up on Kensou, the Doctor suddenly lunges, spinning past the Psycho Soldiers left side and suddenly lunging at him from behind. Tran's arms close around Kensou's neck as he seeks to apply a simple rear naked choke, which would be an incredibly powerful move if Kensou hadn't trained to breathe through his skin years ago.

And, all the while, he's still... /rapping./
"Give it to me straight, ain't no chasin' it--"
"Check yourself in the mirror ain't no facin' it--"

COMBATSYS: Kensou dodges Robo-Tran's Dr. Tran? Destroys an Amish Community.

[        \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  ////////////////////////////  ]
Robo-Tran        0/-------/---====|===----\-------\0           Kensou

The audience begins to boo at Kensou.

Even as the kicks come, his lame lyrics were not fly. They were lamer than a three legged dog, and were ten times less inspiring. If his words were garbage, it would convince people to actually recycle. Whenever Kensou layed down his rhymes, there had to be a warning label with it in case there were pregnant women in the audience. Kensou wasn't just bad.

He was ICP bad.

And yet, as the boos come, so does the doctor. As Kensou lands from his assault, Tran was already surging towards him from behind. Kensou flips forward as he lands, bringing his legs into the air as he tumbles forward, rolling clear of the doctor's attempt at a submission hold. He was fast. Damn fast. Especially when the thoughts of Athena were on his mind. But the crowd was not pleased with his rapping. He had to turn this rap battle around.

Or Athena's purity will become a blurrity.

"Stop! Look! Listen to you heart! Don't you stop when the music start!"

Kensou's mouth struggles to form together acceptable lyrics in the shape of music. If only Lightning Spangles was here, with her partner, the Hoedown Dillo. Not only was she the only person who could very easily defeat Tran, but the Hoedown Dillo could have taught him just the right way to rap. The Hoedown Dillo was well renowned for his rapping ability.

Especially after his album, 'Hoedown: Fiddlin' In Da Hood.'

As he sputters along feebly, making up his own sad attempts at lyrics on the spot, he flies straight back at Robo-Tran, flying through the air with his elbow... flooding with psionic energy. Roaring into the mic with his other hand, he attempts to bowl over Tran again with another long, acrobatic leap.

"Just learn to love the ones that you love! Heart! To! Heaaaaaart!"

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran deflects Ryuu Sohgeki from Kensou with Dr. Tran? and the Pickle Gambit.

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Robo-Tran        0/-------/----===|====---\-------\0           Kensou

Kensou comes roaring in, babbling his own rap lyrics, and Dr. Tran seems to almost... surrender. He closes his eyes, tilts his chin upwards, and then... lifts his hands and in a blur of movement undoes the buttons of his shirt, pulling the fabric aside to reveal his bare chest and HOLY SHIT HE IS BEAUTIFUL.

Dr. Tran's flawless olive skin, slick with sweat, clings tightly to his musculature, giving him a glistening eight pack of abs. His pecs are slim, but well-defined. He looks like he was airbrushed for a magazine cover, but he's right here in real-ass life.

A sunburst appears behind him as he poses, chest revealed. Every woman in the camera crew and watching at home on TV becomes instantly aroused, including a statistically significant portion of lesbians and at least three women who identify as asexual.

Most importantly, however, steam rolls off his body in thick clouds, rising off of his abs and shooting out of his ears like he's a cartoon character, and as Kensou's elbow draws closer and closer to Tran, the power sheathing it grows weaker and weaker, vanishing from where he holds it inside himself.

Kensou barely has time to realize what's happening before all of his psycho power is gone... and then suddenly a blast of it erupts out of Tran's abs to strike Kensou square in the gut. The steam dies down, and Tran quickly rebuttons his shirt and calmly goes back to rapping.

"Cause you-- playin' the role and you plannin' to fold--"
"This the master plan, we got the planet on hold."
"We all over the streets like your favorite sneaker--"
"Breakin' up your sound like a drive-through speaker."
"Everything that I be spittin' is strong--"
"After I rock, fast forward through the rest of the song--"
"We the monkey wrench, that's gonna ruin' your plan--"
"--so don't fuck with R. Tran, 'cuz I'm a bad, bad man."

Clinically speaking, Tran was in fact too sexy for his shirt.

As Kensou hurls out the flying elbow, Tran suddenly takes off his shirt, unleashing an explosion of sexiness, otherwise known as a sexplosion. As the sexiness flows out of Kensou into Tran, it surges straight back into the hotblooded teenager, knocking him flying back. The ladies scream in pleasure as Kensou wipes the sexiness off his face.


Hopping back up, Kensou shakes the sexiness out of him, leaving only the same old Kensou as before. Gripping the mic, he looks around warily, as the audience already prepares to be let down. "Uh, hm." He mutters, as the audience are at the edge of their seats, just waiting for the moment to be let down. Sweat brims on his brow. His lips are dry. He had to turn this around. He had to. He finally sings into the mic.


The audience sighs in relief, finally let down.

"I- You done broke my heart into a million pieces!" He tries to sing. He tries so hard to rap. But the audience was already not caring so hard. Tran was the rap king of this battle so far. And Kensou? Kensou was already old news. When the first cave man made fire, his grandfather came in singing Kensou's rhymes. His lyrics are so thin, even Kate Moss thinks they should stock up on the hamburgers. "I should have seen it coming, wish I had telekinesis!" He struggles, as he hurtles himself straight towards Robo-Tran, blazing fast as he dives into the air in a high arc, lunging in with a flying kick.

At least SOMETHING on Kensou is fly.

COMBATSYS: Kensou successfully hits Robo-Tran with Medium Kick.

[              \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Robo-Tran        0/-------/-======|=====--\-------\0           Kensou

As Kensou begins his feeble counterattack, both lyrically and physically, Tran's music changes gears sharply again and he shifts into, of all things... backup vocals for Kensou, not rapping so much as singing in a counterpoint to his point.

"Do not interrupt me~ Let me finish what I need to say~"
"Fine I'll let you finish first~ Don't let me get in your way~"

Kensou comes flying through the air to plant a kick into the good Doctor's sternum, and he takes a huge bump, flying backwards off his feet and landing heavily on his back. He skids almost two full meters before stopping, leaving a smeary trail in the dust and debris on the ground.

He's down for only a moment, however, before he rocks his weight back onto his shoulders, and kips up onto his feet. He hesitates for a beat, and then begins to pace, once again circling Kensou slowly, and letting him fumble through some more rapping so he can provide counterpoint.

"Are you finished now~"
"Okay, now it's my turn~"
"Can we have some give and take~"

When his singing builds to a crescendo, he charges; a few bounding steps away from Kensou, he throws himself into the air, curls his feet up underneath him, and pistons them right out into Kensou's stupid dumb chest in a sweet and deliciously crisp dropkick.

COMBATSYS: Kensou interrupts Light Kick from Robo-Tran with Ryuu Gakusai EX.

[                     \\\\\\\\\  < >  ///////////////////////       ]
Robo-Tran        1/----===/=======|=======\-------\0           Kensou

It did not matter that Kensou was laying down the beatdown.

As the flying kick lands, the martial artist dips down to the ground, landing on his head. Sweeping his legs around, he spins on his head a bit, before tumbling straight towards Robo-Tran. As Tran takes to the air into a dropkick, he bounds up on his fingertips. Launching straight up into the air, Kensou's legs whip around wildly, lashing out in whirling helicoptor kick. He smashes straight through the surprisingly heavy Tran, neatly smashing his body hard.

But that didn't matter.

Because as Kensou falls back down to the ground into a roll, he kept struggling with the true method of winning: rapping. "G-go ninja go ninja go? Go ninja go ninja go!?" He stammers, as people begin to boo again. Why was this scrub even here, when Tran obviously deserved the girl. Kensou was just a washed up loser on the mic.

While Tran was a musical god.

Being interrupted with a sweet breakdance kick doesn't seem to much bother Dr. Tran: the blow sends him flying straight up into the air, body limp... but once again he recovers in midair, and at the apex of his kick-in-the-face-assisted jump, time suddenly stands still, blue light flaring around the airborne doctor. There is a sweet anime cutin.

And then, trailing blue afterimages, Tran shoots straight down, towards the recovering Kensou. He throws his hand out an entwines it around Kensou's shoulders as the two collapse to the floor, and what ensues is a CARTOON DUST CLOUD of mat wrestling.

When the dust clears, should Tran have the upper hand, Kensou will find himself in a hold known as an anaconda vise, with Tran having bent Kensou's own arm around his head into a weird triangle, and then reached through it to close the entire thing into a bizarre-looking choke hold.

As he struggles to lock it in, however, from inside the dust cloud comes--

"I had a dream that I fathered a bizarro genius baby--"
"She's out the womb like 'Dude, why'd I get expatriated?'"
"Debated at one month the finer points of a diaper,"
"Devised a device composed of a hose and a windshield wiper--"

COMBATSYS: Kensou just-defends Robo-Tran's Dr. Tran? Pays the Bill!

[                     \\\\\\\\\  < >  /////////////////////////     ]
Robo-Tran        0/-------/-----==|=======\-------\0           Kensou

And Kensou is caught by the diving raplord.

The cloud soon consumes "Gah! Agh! Hey!" Comes the cries from Kensou, while Robo-Tran almost gives auditory insemination by the sheer sexiness of his thick wet rhymes. As Kensou's grunting intensifies, some members of the audience looks hopefully. Maybe finally, Kensou will have an inch of talent, or more likely, nine-whole inches of pure talent. But as the dust finally clears, it isn't Kensou caught in the caught in a chokehold.

Instead, Kensou has TRAN in an anaconda vice.

The young martial artist looks confused for a moment. He didn't know what an anaconda vise was. Why was he holding Tran like that? Glancing around, the audience begins to gasp. Children begin to sob. The whole crowd was desperately worried now that Tran might end up with Kensou's rap ability.

And then they had nothing more to look forward to in this bleak universe.

As despair begins to spread around the audience, Kensou steps back. "I like to let this next rhyme be a tribute to that special girl out there. A girl that's special to me. A girl named... Athena!" He waves out to the audience.

"./' Girl you're my angel
You're my darling angel
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby ./'

./'Shorty, you're my angel, you're my darling angel,
Girl, you're my friend when I'm in need, lady ./'"

As the audience prays so hard for a swift, sudden death, Kensou finally breaks from his song to charge towards Robo-Tran. Hurling out a staggering overhead punch with his left, he will just begin to slam his fists around in wide circles, hammering the right up, and the left down in a fiercesome assault. After about four cycles of that, he will finally break from the rampage by gripping both of his hands together, and give a single, leaping two-hand slam straight up.

And straight into his chin.

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran fails to deflect Shouryu Renken from Kensou with Dr. Tran? and the Pickle Gambit.
- Power fail! -

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Kensou           0/-------/-------|

COMBATSYS: Robo-Tran has suffered catastrophic damage and fallen offline.

[      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\  <
Kensou           0/-------/-------|

Kensou rushes in again, and once more Dr. Tran moves to open his shirt and present the Psycho Soldier with his bare chest--

-- but one of his buttons catches on a frayed thread! No!!

Kensou's assault just tears right through the defenseless Tran, buffeting him back and forth, until he looks like a long-suffering Punch-Out!! enemy. The final blow, similarly, sends Tran staggering backwards, all the way back to the edge of Taiyo High's roof, to totter on the edge of it, arms flailing to keep his balance.

And then, suddenly, his eyes locking onto Kensou's. And, one final time, he begins... to sing.

o/` I am reaching... but I fall... o/`
o/` And the stars are black and cold... o/`
o/` As I stare into the void... o/`
o/` Of a world that cannot hold... o/`
o/` I'll escape now from this world! o/`
o/` From the world of Sie Kensou~ o/`
o/` There is nowhere I can turn~ o/`
o/` There is nowhere I can GOOOOO~ o/`
Tran topples backwards off the roof, arms spread out like he's Jesus. There isn't a dry eye in the house. Women all over the world weep openly. Men have unexplainable erections.
Robo-Tran lands safely on a huge stunt airbag about twenty feet down, on a shorter roof elsewhere in the building.

He had done it.

As Kensou smashes into the super sexy singing Tran, he doesn't even give him a chance to let the sexy out. Even as his singing manages to touch the teenager's heart, even as Kensou begins to weep, the fact remainined that he defeated this later comer. Wiping the tear from his eye, he looks towards the judge of the competition, the tournament for Athena's heart. Crossing his arms, he shuts his eyes tight, a broad grin across his face, as the judge announcers the grand winner.

"The winner is..."


Kensou's jaw goes slack. "But. BUT! I WON! I BEAT HIM-" But as Kensou sputters and spits, he somehow manages to rap better than he has so far. A makeshift banner is unfurled, all dedicated to Tran's naked chest, with the crowd cheering his name. "TRAN has WON the RAP BATTLE, and with it, A PROM DATE with ATHENA! But don't worry Kensou, there is always sloppy 2nd place for you!' A small flag is held up. If you squint really hard, you could see a crayon drawing of a witch in a red hat.

If there is a term for Kensou's expression right now.

It would combine an antiboner.

With the saddest panda of all time.

COMBATSYS: Kensou has ended the fight here.

Tia says, "Fuck you, Kensou."

Tia says, "Fuck."

Tia says, "You."

Log created on 19:53:34 12/04/2014 by Kensou, and last modified on 11:35:02 12/05/2014.